Comments on: When “Knowing What You Want” Goes Wrong!: Finding your soulmate

By: NaijaSweetz

NaijaSweetz — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 22:11:54 +0000

lol, Good to know that you're consistent.

By: Stop Digging! He’s Perfect! | Single Black Male

Stop Digging! He’s Perfect! | Single Black Male — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 05:00:25 +0000

[...] if you do find something, please let it be a real dealbreaker (remember, you shouldn’t have more than 3). Don’t let this person go because they disagree with Obama’s foreign policy. [...]

By: Unforgivable | Single Black Male

Unforgivable | Single Black Male — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 14:35:22 +0000

[...] talked a lot about proper mate selection. The are those who only think they know what they want, to fool no one but themselves and then there is the general evil of running your love life according to lists. But … as [...]

By: Shedding the lists … at Single Black Male

Shedding the lists … at Single Black Male — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:01:16 +0000

[...] second toe is longer than their big toe are the norm … they aren’t with me. I have spoken against these chronic list writers before … but some things are too important to not [...]

By: A Beautiful ME

A Beautiful ME — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:42:41 +0000

totally agree with Southern Belle. You shouldn’t totally consume yourself with what he brings, but also consider what you can bring. Often times we think in a selfish manner, thinking of what can he do for me. Some women never realize, until it's almost to late, that he had to be satisfying with you as well. You have to possess something that he desires to keep him interested in you (something other than sex), just as you would require of him.

The bottom-line to this list thing, is first get to know your strengths and weakness, assessing what you have to offer yourself and a man. You can't expect someone to get to know you if you don't know your real self. Then make a list of what qualities in a man you would like to date. I would suggest sticking to his character and not his physical characteristics, braids and dreadlocks can be cut into a neat haircut, but a person's character cannot be changed. Lastly, review the list to ensure you are not requiring something from this man that you don't require of yourself.

By: Southern Belle

Southern Belle — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 22:00:18 +0000

I must admit I had a list when I was younger but eventually lost it because I felt like it was a distraction to a certain extent. Do I have a list now? Yes. A little one. Settling only permits and leaves the opportunities and desires for something better to come along — the attraction gets my attn but the personality and intellect keeps it. The majority thinks about what is already at the table before thinking of what they have to offer before proceeding in a courtship. I expect a lot as I would like for my potential honey to expect a lot out of me and not think that he's settling. Our wants and needs should fit like my favorite dress — we would take such good care of each other that we would know each other's worth so we can compromise on the other stuff. One cannot solely think on what the other's bringing to the table when their lacking.

I see the braids & cornrows issue but I cannot see how someone cannot do locs (well kept ones) but would like one to accept their weave?

By: SBM

SBM — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 22:10:44 +0000

@Hunnie: True

@Ms. Sula: You really might be. Kinda shocked.

By: Ms.Sula

Ms.Sula — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:11:14 +0000

….I see I'm the only female left with no lists written…

***scratches off head and racks brain in search of 65 non-negotiable***

Funny!

By: Hunnie.Wright

Hunnie.Wright — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:57:15 +0000

"When dating I believe people should be more open minded and flexible. "

@ Ms. Devereaux I completely agree with you

that's probably the reason why people end up all alone. They strictly adhere to the list. Sometimes the list needs to be tossed out and complete revised. That's why, SMB, I agree with your "3" rule

By: SBM

SBM — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:02:39 +0000

@Haddassah: My opinion has officially changed to 5 now. 3 was too hard for even me in retrospect.

@Allison: THANK YOU. That point is missed by so many people its ridiculous.

@CapCity: Thank you for proving that 3 is not that difficult. Appreciate that.

@Hasani: It never ends … sorry.

@AnythingBlack: Yo … those are practically the same numbers I came up with in my post "Percentage of Quality". And you believe people think its higher than 5%.

@Sheila: Your right about being able to live up to what you want. Otherwise, you just fall into that sad & selfish category.