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College is when I first noticed this, but its even more applicable outside the hallowed halls of my alma mater. You had a lot of girls ready for a real committed relationship (or at least they claimed they were) and a lot of guys who wanted none of that “boo boo” business.
But on the other hand, some guys were worst than the women … damn near wanting to get married … often times meeting a female who wanted to “play the field”. Why was this disconnect so commonplace?
Psychologists use the idea of mental age and chronological age for a long time. It comes into play with your IQ, when placing you in regular school or special education, and determining mental retardation in some aspect. Well, if your intelligence can be translated into an age, why can’t your ability to successfully enter and maintain a relationship.
Relationship Age … simply stated … is a number that shows your ability to enter and maintain a relationship. Sometimes you have the ability to be the best boyfriend/girlfriend on earth, but your desire to date like there is no tomorrow hurts your score. You could be ready to find your husband/wife tomorrow and settle down … but selfishness, unwillingness to compromise, or the fact you can’t not f*ck someone who offers may is going to keep you from reaching relationship puberty.
The concept is solid … but the actual definition of each age is a work in progress … but here is the current list … a work in progress (so feel free to add or offer redefinitions). Based on Paiget’s levels.
Infant (0-2 years)
You are selfish, or a chronic cheater, or a self-confessed “player for life”, or <insert dealbreaker>. Luckily, you aren’t looking for a relationship and couldn’t get a decent mate if you tried. Not only are the “red flags” so obvious you might as well have a tattoo on their forehead, but they also poision anything approaching a relationship.
Toddler (2-7 years)
You are capable of puppy love and crushes. As long as serious motions aren’t involved and things aren’t serious, you can maintain a “situation” for long enough to earn you a title. Too bad it always ends relatively soon and real “commitment” still scares you … but at least the word “relationship” isn’t foreign anymore.
Youngin* (7-11 years)
Thought of a girlfriend isn’t so bad. You have learned to make little compromises and kind of care about someone other than yourself. You realize that your actions can hurt another person … but … it hasn’t stopped you from “doing you” when needed. Seeing happy people has made you think a boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t so bad anymore. If only she/he didn’t complain so much (“what you mean we gotta talk everyday?!?!?!”).
Teenager (11-17 years)
You are definitely open to a real relationship. The though of things like marriage scare you … but a real commitment isn’t bad at all. You still got your flaws, and you still f*ck up every now and again, but your capable of compromise, can listen to the other person, and can show affection. You may even drop an L bomb (the word “love”) if you felt it was right. One common flaw at this age is just not knowing yourself or what you really want. The desire is there … but the execution still needs work.
Adulthood (18+ years)
You finally made it. The key to getting here was finally learning yourself and coming to terms with it. You are willing, ready, and prepared for a lifetime commitment. You know what it takes to keep your counterpart happy and smiling all day. You don’t have ridiculous demands, you give as well as you ask, and you don’t ask for more than you deserve. If you meet another adult … you’ll make a beautiful union … too bad most people never make it above teenager and you fall into some 3% of the population. Maybe you can teach one of these teens something … maybe …
I know someone is going to ask “so what level are you at SBM?”. Well … don’t worry about me … worry about you … but I will say this … I’m not a relationship adult yet. I’m still on my journey of self discovery and the thought of marriage seems so so far away. But I see myself growing … so I’m not worried … yet.
*To anyone from the DC area, I understand “Youngin” is a term not tied to age … but it just works here. Besides … no one says youngin anymore!
I'm at 17 and a 1/2, the idea of marriage does not scare me, I just want to make sure I have obtained my degrees and have job stability before I actual hear wedding bells ringing. Hopefully when I'm 24 all of the above will be accomplished. However, I definitely would like to have the solid, serious, relationship up until then. Other than that, If someone proposed to me now, they would not get the answer yes. Plus most of young men around my age is stuck on "playing the field".
"Well … don’t worry about me … worry about you … but I will say this … I’m not a relationship adult yet."
Hell since now you are the young black Dr. Phil, its alittle "do as I say not as I do(am)" going on here. Particularly since now you are soliciting love questions from all the "lonley hearts" out there. In the new "Need Advice" section.
I'm an adult (18+). "ridiculous demands" are relative. And again if the "market" can meet a woman's demands she has every right to ask (or even EXPECT). Particularly if you can negotiate and meet his more "non-traditional" requests.
I've been an 'adult' for quite some time now. Tricks are for kids.
I'm with Tiffany & TCG in this category. Perhaps once you get your fill of those FWB then you'll move up to the next level SBM, until then you'll probably stay where you're at ("where you are" we aren't sure cuz you haven't/wont say) which is probably where you are content being right now.
@YBL: To say that "most" guys your age want to play the field may be too much of a generalization (yes … I know … its true … but still). You said something that I've been thinking about for awhile … should you engage in a long relationship if your not planning to marry the person?
@Comeback: Lol @ being an adult. Thats why I love you … I can always read your comments and laugh myself into a happier state of being. And considering the market for good black men is one of the worst markets since the great depression, not sure why anyone would think they have a "right" to ridiculous demands. And LOL @ negotiating his requests … and I thought I was bad about looking at relationships from a "by the books" business-like approach …
@Tiffany: Unlike others *cough* I got that feeling from you a long time ago.
@B. Price: I mean … I'm pretty close to adulthood, I just know I'm not trying to get married and would have to tell Mrs. Right no if she came around tomorrow. I just have too much I need to finish and some more things I need to figure out about myself before I take anyone else along the "roller coaster". Is it OK if I take some time to become the perfect husband and not just mediocre … if thats ok with you …? lol
"And considering the market for good black men is one of the worst markets since the great depression, not sure why anyone would think they have a “right” to ridiculous demands."
I don't own that. Sadly YOUR perception BECOMES your reality. When are people going to get that. I was raised by a parent who was conditioned to believe that she was poor and thus would remind me that I was too, even though she managed to put me through private school all my life.
I never owned that either, hence she lovingly refers to me as her rich daughter.
"Is it OK if I take some time to become the perfect husband and not just mediocre … if thats ok with you …? lol"
Brice has a point.
You also will be waiting a long damn time-if you're seeking perfection. Sounds like a copout. ***rips the black Dr. Phil crown off SBM's head**
Just a word of wisdom SBM, you will never be the perfect husband no matter what you do or who end up with. Getting yourself in a better place financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc ok fine. I can understand that, but trying attain perfection isn't going to get you anywhere or anything but disappointment.
However I do understand about telling Mrs. Right 'no' if you bumped into her tomorrow morning on your way to work, i've been there and I feel you on that.
@Comeback: I'm not telling you to discount yourself or say your "poor", but I do think some of the "requests" you have made in the past are a bit much given the market conditions. Its like if you were selling a house (it being a buyer's market) still expecting to get 2005 prices and not pay closing costs. Crazy …
@BPrice: Aim for the start fall on the clouds I believe is the saying. In my pursuit of perfection I will grow and benefit myself and others. I don't plan to achieve perfection, but will continue the pursuit until I can be a good partner.
That better?
I am in the teen years Its coo for now.
Why did it stop at 18+, this figure is entirely too damn broad. It should have went through the 20's on up.
From experience, most men in my age group are about 3-5 years behind me mentally and/or finacially, or should I say they are not on they grown man tip even though they are technically grown ass men. I read somewhere, where they refer to these type of cats as older boys and not grown men. They say girls mature faster than boys, and this is so true is many facets of life.
The younger dudes be on that bs and even the older dudes who might have they finances in order still be having a busload of 'bitchassness' in their system
@SBM
Something I learned about the wealthy is that they know the power of delegation and having a power squad. Basically, wherever they fall behind (or simply don't feel like doing/bothering them selves with) they find reliable and efficient people to handle it for them. So if you are good at this, and your partner is good at that, then together you guys are unstoppable. Yeah, you may know enough about whatever to be average, but you are above average, when teamed up with this other person that knows it all.
With that being said, waiting until you are official before taking on the task of husband and/or being in a relationship in general is sort of hustling backwards. No promotion or accomplishment is a fly as it could be without that other set of applause, that other smile to compliment your own, that added excitement that it created when there is more energy in the room. You might be able to get more done if you team up, you dig. Besides, who doesn't want a 24-7 cheerleader
Think about it
I feel like I can make my requests because there is someone who is obliging. I'd be a stark raving fool if I expected things I wasn't getting EVER from ANY MAN EVEr. I'd check myself first, retry and then modify.
And I don't believe that BS about the housing market correlation. If you know anything about real estate you can make money in a buyers or seller smarket on both sides of the table, but your strategy changes. Certain property right now should be held others can still be sold. Instead of selling a 400k + property I would do a lease option. Right today, I could probably get 3-5% cash up front with a two year option and enough to cover my mortgage with another 10-20% spread. Many people know that most people never excercise. I could do that for 6 years until the market "recovered". Even partially I would still be up 60-80k without appreciation. And EVEN if I sold at a loss-IRS is still my friend.
I say all this to say. Its all about perception and what you do with what you percieve.
I agree with TBW…interesting "bitchassness" LOL. Thats a blog title in and of its self. I would footnote toiletries and manbaggers.
you also have to factor in perception, more specifically, what age you perceive yourself to be and how that jives with reality. there's alot of youngin's out here who swear up and down that they're grown-up.
oops, disregard that "ie". i have no idea why i put that there, lol
Interesting post SBM!
About 2 years ago I would say that I was an adult, but now I have reverted back to being a teenager with a few adult ways.
I gotta admit, being from NY, I felt like anywhere else I went, my relationship age would be more advanced than other people's my age. Its true, being the real deal has gotta start with knowing yourself and what you want. Nice one.
I've been all of these…twice..LOL …right now I'm definitely a teenager .. in love and leaving all my worries behind..I do worry about fucking up, I've had to suppress my angst and need to sabotage twice already and force myself to head into adulthood in style without all that baggage
but its sooooooooooooooo hard for me to enjoy the NOW and live in the moment…but i'm getting better at it.
doesn't matter what "relationship age" you are entering …. whats important is finding someone that is that age also.
what teenager wants to babysit a toddler?? unless of course you are 40 and he's 30…but that would be a boytoy! *snicker*
signed,
abigfanofsbmignoringthehaters!
@Mikki: Teen years is good. I feel like the majority of people our age are.
@TheBusinessWoman: That is suck an idealistic view and I wish I could subscribe to it … I really do. Sometimes, you can really find the person who is a great cheerleader and pushing you to do better, but generally the women I like know how to get it on their own also. When two people are both trying to get it … usually there is some "disagreement" in goals. I want the position in Tokyo, she has an offer for London … what to do?!?! Something are better accomplished on your own first … IMHO
@Comeback: Its a shame relationships aren't as cut and dry as real estate. And even in your example, suppose the bottom falls out of the rental market or you owe too much to make the lease profitable for the first 3 years. Also, timing the rebound of the market is something PhDs mess up … so how do you calculate in risk?
Anyways, if your getting what you want … can't knock your hustle … what am I talking about … I can! lol
@Dyoung: Your right. Kinda hinted at it with the "know yourself" concept, but if you think your mature and doing something but making rookie mistakes … you should automatically drop a year. If you think your the champ … do you … lol
@Ms. Dereaux: LOL. I can completely agree. I don't think I've jumped down a whole stage yet … but a little regression has occurred in the past couple of months. But I think we get points for knowing we regressed.
@Certified Vibrations: What gives NY natives the advantage? Kinda wanna know … especially because I have a slight affinity for NY women.
@GeeGee: I was missing you … thought you had given up on me (noticed a lil lull on your blog too … I can't keep hitting refresh ever 15 minutes). I feel you on matching the ages. Babysitting isn't any fun and who wants to hold someone's hand through as they go through puberty!
And you know the haters don't bother me none … they make blogging fun!
@ SBM- what I meant by, "if someone proposed to me now i would say no" is that neither of would be stable enough to sustain any form of a household. A "long term" relationships in a sense, is the pathway to figuring out if an individual is truly the "right" person to marry. Its not to say that marriage is where it will end. So yes, get into a long term relationship, so you can figure out whether or not that individual is right for you….it takes time to get to know one another..you can't do that in a few days,weeks, or months.
pussy is great but aint nothin special. id kicks in dick gets hard smash superego says why i say you right, im out
- http://www.anythingblack.net
a year ago today I was an adult. comitted to my relationship to the point of maddness, was saving for downpayment on ring, home and for a baby all this year. but after my woman left me and now I am out here to see what kind of market there is for NICE single black men with no kids and a job? MOHAHWHWHWHWHAWHAW!!! my ex is a fuggin FOOL!!
ya its really not a good market for single good black women. the more dates I go on and hear horror stories about the types of brothas out there, the lower my dating age goes because I feel I want to date the entire east coast.
btw its Piaget sbm
- http://www.anythingblack.net
"suppose the bottom falls out of the rental market or you owe too much to make the lease profitable for the first 3 years."
Then everybody would be homeless and I would lease card board boxes, MINE of course would be the Mandarin Oriental of card board. Carpet, cut out holes, inflatable pillows…the WORKS.
I think SOME people's problem is they are speculating on things that haven't yet occurred. When the bottom falls out of rentals and mortgage (at the same time)???? Has that ever really happened-and is it possible (one is almost inversely related to the other)?
leave it to your doom and gloom behind to find a way. And if you rollin like a position in Tokyo and she in London. Do you REALLY have an issue…you meet in the middle (maybe dubai or sri lanka) and call it a damn weekend.
I agree again with TBW, I think there comes a time when you slow the party down and you want to collaborate NOT COMPETE. Sheer competition in a romantic relationship is a turnoff and very very young. I think if you're really trying to get it on and poppin and ReALLY working at it, you don't want or need it in a relationship. Now if you looking for somebody to JUST say oh yeah thats my girl and she's Jane Doe, MBA, CPA, PM, ESQ, MD etc etc—then yeah your're not really an adult. Or if you're looking to see what she has and you don't-then there also in lies a big problem.
"ya its really not a good market for single good black women"
Ladies PLEASE DON'T believe this. This is a LIE and perpetuates really bad behavior in black men.
Also lets get a little more expansive. There are alot of MEN in the WORLD period. and sometimes when you think outside the Black American box (African, Caribbean, Black Latin etc) it opens up your whole world. And if you still think there is a famine-you could always do a 360 Anderson Cooper.
@YBL: OK, so you mean entering a long term relationship that is moving towards marriage. I thought you might have just been talking about having a relationship jus tto have one for the "now time".
@Anythingblack: Uh … come again?
@Hasani: To be honest, I think the market is more in our favor, but that "good" does make it hard. Plenty of bucket heads though.
@Anythingblack: Thanks … EBPs love correcting people … lol.
@Comeback: I said just the rental market, not the mortgage market too. Yeah, they are pretty much inversed, but just trying to tell you that your scenario ignores certain basic risk concepts. But … i digress … I'll leave anti to discuss financial models with you (where is that negro …).
In regards to that "significant other", I want a partner too to bask in our mutual success, but its easier to climb that mountain by myself sometimes and just have her flown in to enjoy the scenery with me.
Also, think what you want … the market is bad out here. Its bad for men, and worst for women. For every person agreeing with you, half of them sadly are single and holding onto those 2005 bubble ideas.
"the market is bad out here. Its bad for men, and worst for women. For every person agreeing with you, half of them sadly are single and holding onto those 2005 bubble ideas."
—
Well one or two of your male visitors has already said how great it is for them. Sure if you're going to clubs or expecting Mr. or Ms. Right to show up delivery pizza (because no one wants to get out the house-they want a man/woman delivered on their doorstep)-then sure you are going to have a problem.
But again when you "change the way you look at things. The things you look at change." Wayne Dwyer. My life is a testament to this. or perhaps my azz is from Pluto.
@Comeback: I like the pluto theory … but its not a planet anymore … so not sure you can "be" from there anymore.
SBM, quit your day job and become a relationship counselor… no really!
OR I could see you as a columnist specializing in love, sex and relatioships: Mr. or Ms. Lovesick sends a letter to your p.o. box soliciting advice and the next month, they can find your response in your column in the newspaper… :-p
as for me…I'm 18+….. except…I have to finish my degree first but that's a year away so…i'm good!
cbg and sbm should just hash this out on a beach with a bottle of tequila…wow all this energy between ya'll make me think ya'll been married for years!!!
@Hunnie: Thanks for the compliment, but I have a day job. I do this out of love. But I did add the "Needs Advice" page and left my email. I am officially taking questions to respond to.
And 18+ you say … really … while still in college … extremely impressive … I mean 12 year old with a PhD impressive. I wonder what your ex would say …
@GeeGee: Please … me marry CBM. Sure … I had a little thing for her back in the day … but the good times are done. She is like my crazy sis at this point. Besides … as much as we "argue" … she does keep me on my toes (just wish it wasn't so easy to win all the time … aww well).
sbm don't want a girlfriend/wife/"forevership" he wants a competitor. I can see him going some where with his significant other trying to race her to get ready, who goes to the car first, and if they meet out (who got there first using their Nav).
^^^
That was pretty funny!
@Comeback: LOL. It not true … but I did imagine myself slamming the wife shut on my wife as I run through the front door of the house and raising my hands in victory. LMAO!!!!
*wipes tear from eye* … Really though, I do want someone who can get it on their own and wants to go get it with me. The thing I don't need is someone who is going to hold me back in any way shape or form. I have ludicrous business & networth goals, most of them for age 30. If your helping up that ladder, then lets get it … otherwise … I'll send a plane down once I get up there and u can chill for the next 4 years.
I'd say that the average person that grows up in NYC is a little wiser beyond their years than the average person from somewhere else of the same age. There's an extraordinary amount of exposure to many things, at a very young age. Not to mention instant attitude and assertiveness that, if used correctly, can be used as an advantage anywhere outside the 5 boroughs. If you know what you're doing in NY, you'll know what you're doing almost anywhere else in the country. That's my opinion.
"The thing I don’t need is someone who is going to hold me back in any way shape or form"
you do "well" on your own with your limiting narrow "realistic" beliefs
@Certified Vibrations: Please don't take this the wrong way … but I can't stand ya'll New Yorkers. I mean really … is NY the only city? I honestly think the advantages you were talking about come from growing up in any major metropolis (DC, Chicago, Atlanta, Philly) that is big enough to have a bunch of cultures connected by public transportation. Also … trust … DC girls have way more attitude. Look at Comeback … jk.
@Comeback: Honestly, I think I could make the samle "limting narrow" comment about your beliefs. I honestly think you sat down at 28 and wrote out some general beliefs for yourself, and this has become your bible … never to be swayed from. One reason I go through the trouble of sharing my thoughts with the world is so people like you who don't like me and don't agree with me can force me to think about what I said.
I'm not here to change your mind … I'm here to let you change mine!
^^^
SBM first off do you have some kind of bi-polar disorder. First you were feeling the girls from up top, now its all about the mid-atlantic chicks.
And what of my beliefs are limiting. I mean you can only pick on the nuances like calling and door opening. I'm talking about a mindset. As long as I am above ground-I will never believe that there is a shortage of good black men (maybe good black men in a club, good black men at a liquor store, black men hanging on the corner-but there is an ABUNDANCE of good black single men (in higher education, highly skilled blue collar jobs, professionals in professional organizations (Black MBAs, Engineers, CPAs, Journalist Associations). And in this country (in my little neck of the woods) they may hail from Caribbean, UK, Africa, America, South America, etc etc). And catch me on an "off" day I may just even give Anderson Cooper (the straight ones) a second look.
Black women DO have options. The sad fact is when the average black man (who isnt so good) thinks they don't. Then he gets away with murder because hey—where you gonna go anyway??? I live my life knowing I have options. And guess what options always show up.
As always I'm late but even after being like 38 comments late I still have nothing to say.
(shaking my head)
@Mikki: I know how you feel … I really really do.
@Comeback: Can't give you my all right now. I'm mad I'm still in the office this late at this point. But the only thing I have the energy to address is the "bi polar" comment.
When did I say it was all about the mid atlantic chicks??? I swear your computer just shows you want you want to read.
Simply stated, I like NY women, they are nicer than DC women … In my opinion. Overall though, NY people (thats men and women sweetheart) have this belief that NY is the sh*t of all sh*ts. I was just making a point that its not that serious. There are plenty of other good cities.
Why oh why do you hate me so much? Did I smack your momma as a child? Did I do something to hurt you? Or do I simply give you a singleton point to direct all of your anger and hatred for Black Men too?
*sigh* … call me the whipping boy.
The "negro" has arrived! I am a teenager. I could be ready for something serious but its gonna take some work. I ain't gonna wait for perfection on my part. I am trying to hit 7 figs because 6 just won't do.
@CBG: Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra…whatever. Don't try to rationalize getting your way and not putting half on relationships. Do something…like picking up the phone for starters.
Anti you forgot the Dali Lama. And I have no problem PICKING up a phone.
SBM when you aren't saving the world one relationship at a time, and being the great engineer you are—why not also do a little sumtin sumtin in PR. You are the perfect SPIN doctor. When or WHEN did I ever give the indication I hated Black Men or YOU??? You are such a wag the dog to deflect from your crazy theories. You go from aggressor to little victim all in one paragraph.
how is that possible?
I'm off to starbucks. I might have to fall off the wagon today.
Oooooooooh no you don't comeback ain't no falling off the wagon today, not tomorrow not eva!! I am here so U gotta be here, I was in SBM rehab and I have recovered 97.9338421% ( let me share my story with the world) sike im playing, yall seriously need to lay off the starbucks i think its doing something to the brain cells.
@Antidater: Thanks for stripping all the political correctness from my thoughts. Simple and effective.
@Comeback: I don't know … you just seem to hate everything I say and everything I stand for. I love hearing another point of view when I present my views, but damn … its like you don't even remotely try to feel me and you will take one point that you don't like and write a mini essay about why that one thing is detrimental to all women.
@Mikki: I think it is the starbucks.
@SBM and Comeback: *sigh* I am exhausted from reading you guys go back and forth. But its so funny, I can't believe you guys don't know each other from the past. I love that Comeback Girl fights for all single women out there!
(ya its really not a good market for single good black women ”Ladies PLEASE DON’T believe this. This is a LIE and perpetuates really bad behavior in black men)
@ SBM: "And considering the market for good black men is one of the worst markets since the great depression, not sure why anyone would think they have a “right” to ridiculous demands."….LMAO!!! Funny statement not sure if I totally believe it.
Honestly, I don't buy into the statement of "the market is bad out here. Its bad for men, and worst for women." How is bad for men? I believe everything is about timing. When the time is right in your life and you least expect it you will met that woman you will want to be with, no matter if all your ducks are in a row or not. I think when you find the one (whenever you start looking) some of your plans will alter in order to fit that person in your life sooner than expected according to whatever plan you have laid out for yourself.
Everyone should just take a deep breath, relax and enjoy dating, it can be really fun! Let things flow naturally.
SBM you are so sensitive. I don't hate everything you stand for but you do have a tendancy to present oversimplifications as the truth. I have to read a lot for my work. To me the point of reading is to come away with a premise "what is the author trying to tell me". You can't build truth or belief on sand. but you call it "taking one point and writing a mini essay".
And I just really don't understand the famine concept of dating. As Ms. Dev outlined above. Maybe I am really passionate about people not drinking the koolaid. But belief systems are very powerful. A person can create a whole outcome based on something that has never happened or worse yet something that is factually not really true or worse yet something somebody (who they dont even know) told them on the bus.
I believe with all my heart and soul that you create your reality. If the dating market is bad for men and women-then how do you even expect to meet the right person. How would she even show up ? Your consciousness already wishes to prove that its bad. You would never even see her.
@Ms. Devereaux: I hate to say it … but I'm getting exhausted too. I do think some of my comments about "the market" were in direct response to Ms. Comeback and may have been a bit exaggerated, but generally speaking I do think the state of black dating is in need of help. Some of the common perceptions, practices, and actions I hear and see are … well … self destructive. Since so many people are engaging in things that I feel poison their ability to effectively have a relationship, it lowers the numbers … and the "market" suffers.
@Comeback: Call me a pessimist then … I like numbers … I don't believe I can "will" what I want from the universe. If that was the case, I would have more money and be married to Meagan Goode!
NY is the sheets mon. if you can make it here you can make it anywhere. I went to atlanta the other week and thought about world domination. you cant compate DC with NYC. too much going on , too much money, too fast and alot more cultures.
comeback lives where theres tons and tons of single GOOD black men….. then why is she single again? If theres more than enough black men then why do all the sistas I am meeting complain there arent enough good black men, greed? bah, Im gonna go back to the current flavor of the month for single good black men… nope thick white women are out, short asian women are in!!
@Hasani: All this pro NY BS is going to have to come to an end. The city is really not that great … its ok. Are you even from NY?
And I feel you on Comeback … since things are so great out here. Good Black men for everybody.
SBM,
that was more of a joke about quitting ur day job…lol
and yes, but as far as what my ex says: a story i may tell one day in my blog. today he's still in love and wants to marry but….uh uh
p.s.
@Hasani…I'm agreeing with SBM on this one…NY is a great place to be but it is deinitely NOT the cat's PJs.
I spend ALOT of unbelieveable time in NY. I was just there yesterday, in fact, LOL but whenever it's time to go, I can't GET BACK HOME FAST ENOUGH! And its not just because I'm ready to go home cause I'll go to Cali (for example)and NOT want to come home as soon.
then why is she single again?
i dont think i said I was. And even when my party was slowed down, I always felt I had options. I see you only answer replies once a week, are you in jail or work release?
or maybe your browser is slow.
And even when my party was NOT slowed down
@Hunnie: Damn … Had me feeling myself for a second. Back to earth I guess.
If your ex is ready to marry and your not, then how can you be at 18+, unless I'm reading this wrong.
@Comeback: So … are you single? I feel like "O" has never been given an official label and I think you have proclaimed your singleness a few times (such as with the Black Man Plan). Doesn't he have a valid point? How are you single and what was the need for the Black Man Plan is you can just will things to happen?
Also … come on Comeback … no need for the childish comment.
Hold up patna this statement wasn't a little childish and uncalled for (male respondent to female respondent)
"I dont recall saying payong for a date = sex you may need to re read to be more accurate in further post. I will overlook this just this once, future forward this should not happen again."
I mean if you gonna chastized be consistant with it. And "O" and I are as official as I think it gets. I have pretty much everything I want and need from him. He NORMALLY doesn't miss a day in a phone call, this weekend will be my third time to see him in South FL. He comes home in a week and a half and we;ve made plans for the summer. I'm straight. Some of your other readers are LATE.
@Comeback: Where was that quote even from? I think Hasani made that in reference to Sheila … and that was more of a brash correction … you said insinuated he was in jail.
I honestly was about to delete the comment, but I'm not gonna censore anybody. I still love you and always respect your opinion, but that really was overly childish.
I apologize. I'm woman enough to say when I'm wrong. I did not insinuate or SAY he was in jail. It was a question. I also asked about work release. Work release is different from jail.
Anyway I'm gonna send you and anti an email about tonite.
as my olive branch
@Comeback: I never got that email. My feelings are so hurt.
I even called anti. He went and bought an outfit. Poor guy …
Yeah Im a single black man in jail, dating is hard in here. such love from the black female comunity. we rellish the support you give us in our dire times and look forward to working with you future forward…….
and SBM was right…. (as usual) no you were not being addressed by myself, we all love speaking to you as you are a fan favorite and a psuedo celebrity but life and the internet does not have to be about you.. just this once. ….. but you know us convicts! yep EVERY black man is in trouble with the law. Im gonna log off for a bit to go look for my half dozen bastard children I dont spend time with or do a drive by or somethin…….
SBM
nyc is not the cats meow, but its a very happening place. No im not from NYC im from jersey. Im far far away from new york, actually 13 miles. I go other places and dont get as excited about the "new" things there because they are usually in the city first. just got back from dallas, wasnt impressed. NYC is not the be all end all, but I dont think anyone can say its not a good place.
how is DC, I may need to relocate to find a partner, you can have all the sistas 18-26 and I will date everyone 29-37. but since its currently trendy for us to be seen with asian women we have to splity those first come first serve. Deal?
Hasani glad to see you're back on the block (blog). So Far away from new york is 13miles. Thats the length of the tunnel. What if you tried to change your circle a little bit? mix it up.
SBM&Anti, I got scared. But here is my little baby I am working on. I promise to invite yall next time. http://blackrestaurantweek.wordpress.com/
@Hasani: IDK … I do like my older women … so my ideal age range is about 26-32. But then again, I may be in the process of reforming my whole "I love older women" mantra. Can't deal with all this marriage talk … I think I'm allergic.
Also, you can't be nice here. The DC attitude will eat you alive and leave you broke and sex-less. When it comes to women, I'll go for NY (except women here look better and have more pronounced "back sides")
Comeback
I have been on first dates with 34 women since september. I have met women from 3 online websites, 3 seperate social clubs, Local lounge/club scene, one walking down the street, one working at a grocery store, dated one from work (she dosent count into the 34) and even dated one my MOTHER picked up in walgreens and took her out that night… oh and women from new york state, city, north ,central, south, and shore jersey, and one from the outskirts of philly. This isnt a large enough sample for you? how do I mix it up any more. if there is a place other than "around the way" (cant go there my geeky ass lost my hood pass) and church/masque u can let me know.. ok dutchess?
SBM, if you like the NYC woman and the DC women are down there talkin marriage we need to do a house swap for 2 weeks like they did in "the holiday" I can totallyshut down a sista who is talkin marriage at age 32. they talk it but never walk it. if they have made it to 32 and can support their own lifestyle in cumfort they are in no way going to give up that freedom to let a man have input on their life.
oh my hiatus every week is caused because I work 13 hour shifts overnight. So…. reading this blog on sun mon tue is a must because its just tooo good. but I am usually busy trying (and failing) at dating wed thurs fri and saturday nights so no hanging on the block for me if you want to reach me directly you can always call me. Ive seen your picture you can totally FAB me up and spit me out
SBM
Not that I'm not ready to get married…just that I wasn't going to marry HIM…he had a DEAL BREAKING flaw that I couldn't deal with. Funny cause it was only that ONE flaw that keeps us apart…I got love for the man and all but I feel out of love with him because of the DEAL BREAKER and it was something VERY serious that I couldn't go through til death did part us!
@Hasani: I didn't say DC women are talking marriage anymore than other areas from what I know. Besides, not sure I could take living in Jersey. I got family up there … and it just doesn't fit the SBM lifestyle. If you were in ATL … whole different story.
@Hunnie: How you gonna talk around the deal breaker without putting it out there! What was it!?!?
LOL!!!!! sorry… I'll email it to ya.
Lol…sometimes I still feel like I'm a teenager and then other days I feel like an adult…I wonder if you can regress back into relationship toddler status as a result of being hard or losing the faith. I have been an adult at certain points in my adult life, but in others I have barely crossed the infantile threashold.
I don't know…I guess today I would give myself a 15…and that's mainly because of the realities and fears that being an adult has manifested in my life. But even with all of the hurt, letdown and disappointment I have encountered, to be at 15 and embracing my daily maturity I guess is not a bad look after all. Every day that he shows me that I can breathe easy is a day that I will age. Here's to reaching 18+ in 08'!