Haven’t done this in awhile, but I basically have too many things on my mind to write a post on each … and some just don’t have to do with relationships. Anyways …
- Maybe writing has made me more guarded of some of my ideas. As I engage in my daily back and forth arguments with Comeback Girl, I think about this. But I love when people challenge what I have to say. Otherwise, I become arrogant and pompous. I need to find a job where I can work from home and blog more (not really a stretch for a programmer). Aww well …
- I’m getting the feeling that people want to hear the flip side of some of my posts. Like”5 things to say a guy likes you” and things like that. I might have to get on top of that.
- I really do think black dating is in a sad state of affairs. I think we are indulging in way too much self destructive behavior, thereby reducing our relationship maturity, and effectively making less and less of the population worth dating. I have said its bad for men and worst for women before. There are numbers (such as incarceration rates) proving this, but I still think things are kinda f*cked on both sides. Some might call me pessimistic, or say that I should “think positively”, but I have never subscribed to the “think happy thoughts” mindset.
- Regional differences make so much difference in dating. Sometimes, just the state and the city make a huge difference. Baltimore girls are a stark difference from DC girls, and NY girls differ from NJ girls. I have mentioned my affinity for southern girls plenty of times … but part of me is thinking the “anywhere but hear” mentality as I just can’t take girls from around here anymore (actually swore them off 1st year of college). Must be something in the water.
- Something I am saying in this post will be misconstrued by someone and then they will make sure to tell it to me … but that is life … I’m cool with that.
- I really think I’m ready for a good solid girlfriend. Do I have to change the name of the site then? Do I have to tell her about the site (currently I don’t tell girls I talk to about this site)?
- I have something to admit. I dated Comeback Girl before I started blogging. We live in the same city, and it just happened. She doesn’t know which one of her previous dates I am and I didn’t know about her blog until things had come to a conclusion … but I have to come clean. Sometimes I wonder if I’m to blame for the anger. I would go into more details … but thats unbecoming.
- My love for DC and the area have really risen as of late. Not sure why either. Maybe its because I have been eating mambo sauce a lot more often as of late.
- I was joking about Comeback Girl. I’ve never met her a day in my life. I do want to meet her … but not sure if I would reveal my “secret identity”. LMAO. Had you for a second … didn’t I!
Till next time …
[poll=10]
There is NO WAY IN HELL we dated. I would smell your pessimisim a mile a way.
"I have never subscribed to the “think happy thoughts” mindset."
and the proof is in the pudding.
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Stacey Derbinshire
LOL @ YALL TWO dating I knew that was fake because one of yall would have ended up in jail as a result (sbm) *cough cough* and I don't think they have internet in then pen lol hints this blog would not exist.
LMAO!!! I glad that was a joke, but it would make for a great twist in the story.
Why don't you tell women about your site?
I am from the south(Texas) and we have the whole southern hospitality thing. However, I am cautious when it come to dating someone from a small country town. Believe me it is a huge difference when dealing with a person who has country mentality. Now I live in Chicago and lets just say city folk are a different breed. ( Oh yeah, Cali people also live by a different creed) With all that said I agree…"Regional differences make so much difference in dating"
@Comeback: Please … you would love me. IDK about you … but all this arguing has been turning me on … LOL
@Mikki: I'm a very calm individual … so Comeback would have been reaching for the knife. Would I actually have her arrested though … that one I don't know about.
@Ms. Devereaux: I have been contemplating whether I should tell women I meet about the site. Generally, I just feel like it might be a lil too much early on. No one needs to know that much about you that soon … like giving them a searchable archive of all your thoughts and feelings on love and relationships before they even know my middle name.
Black woman + knife = very, very bad
"Please … you would love me. IDK about you … but all this arguing has been turning me on … LOL"
I think you need to tell Anti to water you down with a garden hose. Oh and you forgot. "I'm a nice guy".
lol…you had me for a minute about Comeback Girl. The way you two go back and forth, it wasn't too far fetched.
I think DC is getting better for you cause of the weather. Weather plays a huge role in so many things. I was the one that voted Yes in the last poll up to this point. I don't mess with girls from upstate NY, Ohio, Boston, or the Jersey Shore. That's guaranteed.
@Comeback: I'm a real nice guy.
@Sheila: Lol … I nearly died laughing while writing it. It really would explain a lot.
@Certifies Vibrations: Yeah … the weather is a few degrees nicer … just don't want you to sleep on DC as a city. Plus … get you some mambo sauce and you might change your whole opinion … lol.
I must say that I believed you when you said you and CBG had dated..lol..i think my eyes slight bucked out for a minute. And then i felt bamboozled why you stated otherwise…
SBM. I actually dont give a flying &@#$ about the flip side of anything you write. the site is called single black male. I read because I am a single black male. someone go find me a site where other single males are talking… because I came by this site because I was looking around for a site to talk about what its like being single male dating at 30 and came across a ton of single FEMALE sites and single mother sites….. its like the female voice is more important in media now a days than the male voice. (notice men take a back seat and become heels in most comedy and movie)
thats why I love it when you own comeback on a daily basis because I dont get to see that happen on TV
anyway, keep it up bro, our voice is a minority and it is a cumfort to hear the thoughts of others like us.
oh yeah, I totally agree with dating differs from state to stats. Comebackgirl cant fathom that there are women who dont want a house and kids and every guy is a player…. up here in north jersey and nyc (yes north jersey and nyc are the same) the last thing a sista wants is an everyday boyfriend, they are always looking for the next best thing. the FAB and Date on Demand is very populat up here.
@YBL: Lol @ bamboozled. She does live in DC … who knows … maybe in a year …
@Hasani: Thank you for that. Its the main reason I started the site. I read a lot of relationship blogs now, but they are almost completely female. There is one at verysmartbrothas.com that just started and is along the same lines. When it comes to being single and dating, there really isn't a male voice out there.
" Comebackgirl cant fathom that there are women who dont want a house and kids and every guy is a player…. up here in north jersey and nyc (yes north jersey and nyc are the same) the last thing a sista wants is an everyday boyfriend, they are always looking for the next best thing. the FAB and Date on Demand is very populat up here."
Those are the unfortunate circles that you hang out in. The woman who doesn't want to grow and maintain her own financial sercurity and then find a man who can bring much of the same is a 17 year old. I don't think I nor SBM writes primarily for teenagers. I was in NYC 8 years ago (taking a film writing class at Columbia U) -perhaps things have changed in a little under a decade but there are TONS of DIFFERENT social circles for black folks. If we're talking about people hanging out looking for Puff/Jay/Beyonce sitings at 40/40 then yeah you may have a problem. But those people don't move as easily at the Schomberg for art exhibts/discussions and functions. They also don't show up at international black film festivals there either. They don't hang out at the national black theatre.
I did run up on a few dudes who were "working on their music" and "getting signed" but generally I never moved in circles where they were. There is a place for everybody who want to find love. You've found your place. But perhaps expanding would help you a little more. I can almost best that the women looking for the next best thing are in clubs rather than say the MOMA.
oh and not too many Black women have blogs solely focuesd on love either. Its more personal reflection stuff. But I have yet to find a black woman SBM equivilent. Black folks generally aren't revealing in a way to pour their hearts out in cyber space. I mean look at SBM he is pushing the envelope but he is also still a little censored.
@Comeback: I'm censored … really.
Guess its time to push the envelope!
@CBG: No garden showers here because "I don't love them hose."
Seriously, the prozac+crack induced outlook sucks. Positivity with clearly defined goals helps- but variable change is a factor.
So…CBG went to Columbia U for a spell. I guess we have something in common.
whew you got me on 7 talking about CBG..wow my heart started racing…
I think if you sit and listen to bitter men and women tell you about their bad experiences with other men and women (or other women) then YEAH the black dating scene is sad..but if you take your own LIFE into YOUR OWN HANDS and venture out with an open heart and mind you will find a partner that is tailor made for you…they may have a few wrinkles but they can all be ironed out with a positive attitude and a few wet kisses!!! but I'm an optimist so what do I know…
LMAO@ how i love the Comback/SBM exchanges!
I agree GeeGee!
yep
that regional thing matters
just change it to rantings of a formerly single black male
I was not aware of the geographical differences between people and how they alter or make-up a person's total outlook until I enrolled at Howard.
I'm from LA and I must say we do have our own "ish" when it comes to dating and life in general. I have never had so many rude awakenings and culture shocks (albeit pleasant suprises) as I did while dating in DC. From the EastCoast "jawns" to the ATL "shawtys", I absolutely loved the whole process of deprogramming my LA and inviting the different 'isms' of other places into my repertoire. But then…
There were the drawbacks, I had no idea that LA was so LA until people from other places told/showed me. We are inherently different and most of the time I hate it. I now flock to men who are not 'Hollywood'… even though I am. I am instantly intrigued when someone is a transplant. And even though I am one of its spawn, I really do hate LA's whole everything, but at the same time, I gotta love it, because it is an exstension of me. My bastard child that I put up for adoption that keeps tracking my ass down, every time I change addresses. I know that shit sounds harsh, but it's oh so real…
Man, I think I'm having a moment, I hate being a girl sometimes…But I digress like usual
But on another note, where the out of towners at? Hey, Ho, Hey…
as long as u write from your heart, i will read, but as an older man, some of your positions dont reflect the values i was raised with
good stuff, i dont think it matters as for the poll
- http://www.anythingblack.net
comeback
yeah things have changed in the past 8 years or things may have just changed with what age you are. but as a 30 year old black male in north jersey the NYC/Jersey city scene, I have prety much run into majority of sistas who just want me as a show piece to say they are dating someone or as entertainment so they arent totally alone but out of 34 women (yes I had 2 new first dates this weekend bombed again) I have only had ONE sista (african actually) who wants to date seriously + have a guy treat them nice + treat a guy nice and "perhaps more" down the line.
so Im not going to call myself an athority on much and I cant say "ALL SISTAS" but if this was court I would think I have enough credintials from these past 8 months to classify myself as an expert witness.
and please dont pass me the "well if you run in my types of social circles" because Im gonna go ahead and say we are prob similar. the more well off the woman seems to be up here, the less she wants anything more than a guy to entertain them, and I have yet to have more. i am a womans FAB now, but I have had many date me once, then claim it didnt work out but would still give me a call weeks later to see if I would take them somewhere… yeah RIGHT.
now Im sure some thug is beatin it up between the sheets and guys like me and SBM are the showpony/sucker types to keep them from sitting on the couch saturday nights with ben and jerry… but thats a whole seperate topic
@Hasani: Sorry Hasani … but I'm beating it up in between the sheets too. I figured out awhile ago the nice guy stick doesn't work. Women want everything and once you start delivering that … your set.
But honestly man … your not supposed to willingly be a FAB. I say set a 2 week deadline to "get it" … then drop her with the utmost vengeance if you fail. She honestly deserves it.
its what works for you my brother. Im cool with being a FAB in the right situation. Im a beta male I dont complain much. but most women I am out here dating well let me see….
I have been on over 30 first dates but less than 5 third dates. I havent actually been giving anyone a deadline I just sweet talk them, go out on dates and watch them exit themselves from the situation. out of all these dates 100% of the white women have had sex with me (4/4) and dumped me and none of the african american women have "given it" yet I keep going out. I actually care about getting respect more than booty but they are pretty much the same thing.
Im soooo over with the acting like billy D wiliams to get some booty. I need to be able to act like my Steve Urkel type self every day and wont settle for going back to the act. we may see this one in two seperate shades of grey nephew. I think being a fab in the right situation is ok, and you think acting like a non nice guy and a non geek to get trim is ok.
You and Comeback huh…well I would definitely pay to see that meeting go down…of course I would need to be there to chaperone.
…I see you get turned on by arguments…or is that just your standard pick up line…hmmmm, makes a girl wonder.
Wow, this list is great! There are so much things that I really need to learn how to do, but just not doing them. It is time for me to stop procrastinating and give the list a try.