Movies, fairytales, romance novels, popular culture, and probably a couple of your friends. These sources have convinced many people that they should spend their life searching for that “one special person”. We have been told all to often that there is one perfect soul mate for us out there and that if we just keep moving on, minding our own business … we will meet this person. We will have the perfect marriage, live in a perfect house, and have perfect sex. We are all destined to meet our soul mate … so just keep the faith … and it will be good.
I honestly could never figure out what exactly has made this “idea” so popular. From a logical and emotional standpoint, I’m not sure what has made this idea and belief so popular, but I am here to let everyone know that there is no one single soul mate for you. You do not have to search the world looking for just one magical person. Love is achievable by all (even though some of these bucket heads don’t deserve it). But instead of this being some optimistic “It’s gonna be OK” post, I’m just going to chip away at the logic of this “The One” idea.
The population of the earth is about 6 billion people. In the US, there are about 300 million people. Lets say half are of the opposite sex, so 150 million people of the opposite sex. Lets say the “dateable” section out of that comes out to be 10 million after taking care of age and whatnot. So … your supposed to find this one person out of 10 million people? Across 50 states and DC? Really …?
Suppose your soul mate took a job 5 states over? Suppose a “wrinkle” in fate placed your future significant other in another country? Suppose when you met them, their hair was jacked … and you didn’t look twice.
Everybody could be happy with one of several different people. If love was this mystical thing that the universe had to conspire to get you with him/her, then people would fall in love multiple times and find “happiness” more than once. What happens is you find someone who you like and it works, then you start claiming “I found my soul mate … I knew he/she was the one”. How quickly we forget that you said the same thing a year before. After you find someone good, the search is over and you forget about the 99% failure rate. Its like finding your keys and saying “It was in the last place I looked for it”. WTF … why would you keep looking after!
One sad fact of this “soul mate” theory … as with many other things the “universe” gets the blame for personal failure. Some people can be self critical and improve themselves as a result of failure, but others … just love to blame “the universe”. I can hear it now “Girl … my past 15 relationship have ended with me getting dumped for another women … the universe is out to get me” or “Dawg … I can’t find a wifey out here … all these women is smuts … damn the universe”. Naw … no man wants you because your a b*tch … and you keep getting smuts cause you just can’t seem to stop using b*tch on your first dates.
So … I say there is hope for everyone. Don’t spend your life looking for that perfect one. Find someone who makes you happy and you like being around … thats all you really need. Perfection is an illusion. Don’t rob yourself chasing a dream.