This post comes from a resident commenter Ms. Deveraux at her blog The Journey of Ms. Deveraux and kicks off me featuring a different writer/blogger/ person who has something to say. Enjoy.
ADMIRE: to regard with wonder, pleasure, or approval
One thing about living in Chicago that I wouldn’t normally experience in Texas is the personal interactions of strangers on a daily basis. I began to notice the amount of blue collar workers around the city. Oddly enough many of them are black men; of course I love black men who will work, I love your hustle, I am your cheerleader. Plus most of them are very handsome! If I had money I would treat all the hard working blue and white collar black men to a day of pampering and just showing appreciation for all their hard work and struggles. Everyday I see one sweeping the subway stairs, moping the lobby of an office building, riding on the back of the garbage truck, directing traffic, driving the bus, working behind the security desk, lugging cases of drinks in the convenient store. I always look at most of these men and wonder how often they are told they are appreciated and you are doing a good job.
Then you have the white collar black men, who I see walking in the financial district or in the downtown office building dressed in their suits, armed with their briefcase, and ready to do their best in a corporate game that doesn’t really want them around. I believe black men have it the hardest and I am not sure we say I am proud of you or I appreciate you often enough. There are times when if you just say hello or how you doing that could brighten their day especially some of the mean looking black women (sorry but its no secret ya’ll look mean) something to make them smile it can add a boost to there already hard day.
The other day I saw a black man that was maybe in his 50’s crying on the bus. I couldn’t imagine what would bring this grown man to tears on a bus full of strangers. He wasn’t crying hard or loud but you could see the tears flowing from his eyes. My heart hurt for him and all I could do was write him a note saying I didn’t know what burdened him, but that I would pray for him and he should trust the Lord with his issues. It’s hard out here in this world but I think for black men they have it the hardest.
We need our black men they are the hands we stand on. I just think it would be nice if we weren’t so busy being mad that they weren’t dating someone who looked like us and paid more attention to uplifting and appreciating them, then maybe we could start a change one person at a time. The next time you see a black man whether or not you have as many close interaction as I do here in the city, SMILE and say hello. The next time one opens the door for you SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and say how are you doing today? If you have one living in your home and he gets up everyday and go face a world that doesn’t want him there, when comes home let him know you appreciate him.
I could go on and on, but you all know what I am talking about lets learn to appreciate our hardworking black men.
When you think about a black man what comes to your mind?
When is the last time you told a black man you ADMIRE him?
Please respond to these questions, I am asking for a reason.
SBM, ANTI, HNIC, and all you other guys that put up with our jibberish on days that end in Y i appreciate you.
(whew im not a virgin anymore!!)
http://anitrasplace.net/
Very good post. I agree…. my only problem with speaking to some black men (and I'm really not trying to generalize here) BUT some of them take it as you trying to come on to them…. I feel like when I'm extra nice, then I have to deal with, "where's your man?" "why you single" and blah and blah…. sometimes I just want to be nice and give a hello and not have to deal with that.
When you think about a black man what comes to your mind?
Dark Chocolate smooth skin, strong, intelligent. (not to say the yella guys aren't all these things too BUT ooh, something about dark chocolate!)
When is the last time you told a black man you ADMIRE him? Not so much ADMIRE, but the guy I dated before got constant compliments… he was so strong and nurturing towards me and everyone around him and I always let him know I appreciated it.
And I second you Mikki! Love dialouging (is that a word? ) with my beautiful black brothas!
@mikki: Thanks for the love sista!
I really, really, really appreciated this post! Often times in life, work, and dating the black man is guilty before proven innocent. It's refreshing to hear a different point of view.
Nice post, Ms. Dev. You don't see too many odes to black men. FeFe's was also cause for pause.
And its true we often complain about the one's who really could be doing a better job at being men. But recently I've noticed a few who walk and talk with alot of personal conviction and integrity. Its also nice to see it in the blog world.
I live around mostly black people, I do my hi gesture and smile to both women and men (and also regardless of race). I think women need to practice being nicer period not only to our men, but also to OTHER women with no other agenda but just to be kind.
…Mikki wrote a post that itemized charity as one of the 7 debt laws. It too me is also a spiritual one. kindness is a spiritual law…I ask (God) that Im given that ALSO with a spirit of discernment each and every day.
@The Comback Girl: I agree, spread love to the women and men…. I used to be one who complained about how unfriendly some women are…. but I noticed, when I speak and smile first, 9.8 times out of 10, they always give me SOME KINDS OF GESTURE BACK (verbal or a smile)… Also, I've started complimenting strangers… if they look good tell them…. Just think about how good it makes you feel to hear it.
I met this girl for the first time a week ago and immediately after we were introduced, she hugged me and told me she was a hugger…. I was a little shocked, but I thought it was really sweet…. Oh how I wish I could be so forthcoming (Open, not sure of the word I'm trying to use) sometimes.
Thank you Ms. Deveraux you are exactly right. I am glad you and our fellow sisters here recognize how amazing it is to have a man who actually will work. We are all so blessed to be have conversations with men who are actively on their grind daily (even if they make us mad sometimes) and yes when you see them you should always be gracious and kind because I learned in high school that sometimes a smile and a hello can turn someone's whole week around.
Fellas I appreciate you…and I'm taking it a step further…I admire all u do(well maybe not all).
You guys know what I think of your strength and courage…wrote entire post about the greatness that is the black man and my reasons for wanting to keep you all to myself. But I will add this, when you do finally open up and love you do it like no other…you do it from the depths of your soul and I can feel it from a million miles away. Thank you for allowing me to feel secure in that love.
I'm not sure when the last time was that I told a black man that Iadmire him, but I did tell one that I thank God for him and boy did I mean it. I am blessed to have been surrounded by many loving and talented black men. I'm making it my mission to for our youth to learn to appreciate and admire one another again and to lift one another up instead of constantly tearing each other down. And I hope the message spreads like wildfire…because it's the way it's supposed to be.
Black men…I love you all…yeah even you Hasani…hell especially you.
"I used to be one who complained about how unfriendly some women are…. but I noticed, when I speak and smile first, 9.8 times out of 10, they always give me SOME KINDS OF GESTURE BACK (verbal or a smile)… "
@ Nicki-hallelujer.
I did a search on yourtube for "i love back women" and found scores….
I did a search for I love black men and found….. umm… well dont by a white woman
at least google will bring people here if they put in the term appreciate the black man.
We dont get praise and the one time we do, its usually a woman talking about the specter of what romantic books romanticize us to be and not what we are on the day to day.
And then theres the new age type crap you see on posters about decended from kings and ment to rule the earth and all that crap…
Im talkin wheres the woman at who gives us props for what and who we are on the daily, and what we are as men presant day
THANK YOU MISS DEV YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE WOMAN
@LOL at The Comeback Girl aka Ma'dea.
Ummmm, where are our black men this morn?
That was nice Ms. Dev. Want to let my roomie know that I appreciate him. I guess the cooking & "cater to you" attitude I've tried to demonstrate over the past few weeks don't make up for the wrong I've done…I pray for my roomie's happiness. I've failed but another woman will succeed.
wonderful post Ms. Deveraux….
My love for black men runs deep and long. I do not feel that it's held me back, or limited my options – but just the opposite. It's lifted me up and has given me a sky's the limit perspective on everything I do.
I tell my SO that he rocks on a daily basis.
@Nicki-I dunno. It's weird, it's like they drop off the face of the Earth or got scared, sent Anti as their rep and started "singleblackpsychofemale.net" to bitch about us
but I hope not I miss them.
@Belle-Absolutely. Though I have some that were assholes *in other ways* I have always gotten the support I needed no matter what..
"I’ve failed but another woman will succeed."
Nothing says "forgive me roomie" like butt naked french onioin soup with a smile. Have you tried that?
@Jacylnn: Maybe the APPRECIATION was too much for them. *smile* They think something is up.
@Neonnea: I agree with Comeback… if it's something that you really CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT, keep on pushing girl.
Agreed.
http://blackfemmefatale.wordpress.com/2008/08/13/…
if this is shout out to black men day… then go ahead and check this one out too.
Im perma modded it seems but when you work in an it lab with access to 30,000 servers and scores of IP addresses , theres ways to work around everything
Lovely post, I feel we need more and more love. the whole damn community needs to love eachother more, but where does it start when our civil rights leaders are more consumed with fighting "the white man" on every wrong action and not telling us to fight the real culprit.
We need like a million nigga love in… actually why make it a nigga love in… whites africans, puerto ricans and philipinos all love us too? We need a love in , it can be a woodstock… only without the drugs and sex… cuz well that would defeat the purpose
ya know you can list the 5 largest problems in the black community and I seriously think they all can be fixed if every female said I love you to a black man more, we loved eachother more and we raised families the right way……..
together
@ HeadNIC: I'm laughing, but I agree… I'd be there.
Great Post Ms. Dev!
Like all of you, I'm blessed to have amazing black men in my life. We as black women are often times so worried and concerned about taking care of ourselves/our own struggle that we forget who's holding us up on their shoulders. I'm sending an admire you text to all the wonderful men in my life – hope that's ok with you Comeback – hehehe.
@Head-Ummm…yea…
@Nicki-Umm…you know I have something to say
Our situation is not decent or orderly. I'll pratice my sincere "forgive me" routine but I'm not optimistic about the situation. Non the less, I'll uplift him in the background; I'm tired of pushing. He can find another leading lady.
WOW!!! I thank all the women on the blog for their comments. I appreciate all of you too. As a black man that tries very hard to be a stand-up dude it gets irritating hearing about all the negatives sh*t. Especially when I see the positive and negative sides in the crowd that I keep.
@Neonna: I'll keep you in my prayers.
@Humble_One: Thank you much. Keep on pushing, we love our stand up guys….
@Neonnea-Girl, it will be alright. Put it in the hands of the Lord.
@Humble-You are very welcome. Keep up the good work.
"@Neonnea: I agree with Comeback… if it’s something that you really CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT, keep on pushing girl"
ok…i have a little disclaimer here…the butt naked french onion soup was my snark-ation of the day. It is ill advised for "a roomie" in the name of black man love.
@ Daisy-I think this might be one occassion where a text would be in order.
Comeback, Nicki, Jaclynn: Thank you ladies!
@Neoona: You are welcome.
@HNIC – I agree there needs to be a black love fest or something. I almost feel like black men and women need therapy from the pain we have inflicted on each other. We may need something like that to be able to move on as a cohesive unit.
@Neonnea – I kind of feel the same way about black women. But at the same time I feel a responsibilty to black women. If I was to go off of what I have seen and experienced I would have wrote BW off like 10yrs ago like some of my friends. But women like the ones on this blog kill the excuse that BW are always on some BS.
@Humble_One: PREACH ON!
We do need therapy together…. because after you've been hurt is hard NOT to associate it with all men….. Last night's bible study topic was "how to heal a broken heart" and it was on POINT.
@Nicki and Humble-Right on kids right on!
I told a few black men at work today I appreciate them, 1 hugged me, one was speechless and the other asked me out……
we all need hugs. Go hug a black man today!
I will
@Mikki: LOL. See???? that's what I'm worried about. I love all my black men, but some of them I don't want to go out with!!!!!!!! Good grief.
And dang, I don't work with any black men…. ahhh, no eye candy here. *smile*
Amen Nicki I tried to tell the brotha no in a round about "im busy" kinda way but he wasn't getting it lol. No eye candy here either don't feel bad….
@Mikki-Are you going?
@Mikki: Sometimes I wonder if the brothas don't get our hints, or just don't care. LOL. I throw them all the time but some of them aren't wearing their catchers mitt!
@Nicki Sunshine – You think you have it bad? There is one decent black woman were I am. All the rest of the women black or white look like years of hard work.
@ Nikki Sunshine – That Bible Study topic sounds interesting. Anything you can share with the group?
No it actually comes from us not being able to "throw" and them getting hit in the head one to many times with the ball lol. After so many hits they just lose all focus lol.
@Nicki Sunshine – I am terrible at gettings hints. I'm real good at knowing when I am being rejected. My problem is knowing when I'm not being rejected.
@Humble_One: not years of hard work!!! LOL…. Hard times lookin girls.
@Daisy… it was awesome. I know the first part was forgiveness… forgiving does not mean "let that negro back in your house." That's exaclty how he put it… I love my pastor. And the other three, it's gonna take a me a minute to recall. He gives us spreasheets and I can can actually email you the notes if you want… email me at latoya.proctor@yahoo.com. He usually has them up on the church's website but they don't have them up yet. I left my bible and stuff at home so I can send you my notes if his aren't up by tomorrow.
@Mikki: You might be on to something!!!!!
@Humble: I'm not writing black men off at all. However, the harder I try to bring peace to the situation, the worst it seems to get. We may just be relatives because this situation is humbling.
@Nicki: My roomie is an excellent guy and I refuse to let that "all men ain't sh!t" mentality ruin me or my relationship with another black man. But yes, I am hurting and I am glad there is positive energy in SBM land today.
And to that bus driver I met in Chicago Oct 2007, don't remember your name but you are appreciated brutha!
@Humble_One: Excuse me for being on the "bus" this morning….. ok, are saying you have trouble knowing when a woman is interested??? I believe we can all help you with this one.
I'm new here…hello to evry1:)
This was a really good post. Unfortunately I dont remembr the last time I told a black man that I admired him. I love black men and I kno/have met sum positive ones in my day…..I guess this post is a reminder that I shuld verbalize my sentiments more.
@Neonna: I feel you… I can say I'm not on the "all men ain't ish" mentality, but definitley on the VERY CAUTIOUS, what does he want mentality….
@Soulstress: Hey and welcome lady! I've been here for a week and it's good times.
@Nicki-Winks
@Jaclynn: Caught it.
what on Gods green earth would posses a person to put a can of sardines in the employee microwave, i should go get some chitterlings and drop a bowl in there just to be spiteful, this is why i need to be self employed, early Friday rant
"but definitely on the VERY CAUTIOUS, what does he want mentality"
Nicki thats whats really up. I just want one who is sincere and doesn't play games, after you get messed over one to many times you can't help but have the mean face.
its like a child needs positive reinforcement to keep doing well, if they never get any they have to NO reason to be "good"
Side note does anyone have the full version of that new maxwell song "pretty wings" I am totally in love with the snippet I been replaying all 1.40 seconds of.
@Nicki Sunshine – I would say if she is not semi-overtly showing it I wouldn't get it. It could be me though too. I play all women as if they are uninterested in me unless I'm shown otherwise. It's worked good for me so far.
ok I have returned from starbucks (because I don't work around black men either, I can't even drive to the switch site to see any) so I knew my barista Sam would be there.
I hugged him and he did try to cop a feel…even when I gave him the church hug. He said he had never heard of "black man day". I told him we bout to take it global.
@comeback – YAYY for starting the movement.
@Nicki Sunshine
"I feel you… I can say I’m not on the “all men ain’t ish” mentality, but definitley on the VERY CAUTIOUS, what does he want mentality"
I feel the same way towards women.
"@comeback – YAYY for starting the movement."
And confusion, because he is a cutie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2o_SKj_-6Q …..cue the song yall.
Black Man Day…I really like it. I think we should really choose a day coming up and send out emails, update our facebook and myspace status messages and tell all of our friends that on that day we WILL honor our black men in whatever way possible, even if it's just by saying nice things to strangers…I think it would do wonders for our race.
Anyone got an idea on a date?
@Soultress: Welcome to our blog family…we're happy to have you…and uhhh if you know of any men out there please direct them to this blog…we can use a few more fellas around here…lol.
@Mikki: Sardines???? My GODTHATIS DISGUSTING!!! Yes girl.. as I pump my fist…. after so much trauma, I have no choice but to be cautious… and I've had ALL ANGLES…. And I don't have to touch the stove two times before believing it is hot so YES, I need reinforcement. CONSTANTLY!!!!
@Comeback: Not a church hug! You are so funny…. But I'm very proud of you for stepping outta the box!!!
@Humble_One: NOOOOOOO… your way can be discouraging to us, " I play all women as if they are uninterested in me unless I’m shown otherwise." And if the woman is anything like me, she will get discouraged and STOP…. like why isn't he catching them… email me a situation and I'll give you my take on it sir.
Comeback that song is the ish…lol, i think you should holla at the little cutie…how old did you say he was again?
@teacia- August 29th…. next Friday or the 28th next thursday… i think it should be a random day, not like a day that's shared with some historical moment.
@Teacia: YESSSSS, lets' start this movement. How about the 15th???? Right in the middle…. give them something to look forward too.
@FeFe: Yaw gonna have to send me a reminder all the time because my memory SUCKS… and I'm not even playing… due to my younger "recreational" activities. Dammit!
September 15th….I LOVE IT!!! It gives us plenty of time to get the word out…whose idea was this again…Comeback you will receive credit for starting the movement and Ms. D for giving us the inspiration and me well i'm good for the follow through, hell we can all share in the credit, it's for our men after all…wow, who knew that we could actually make a change on SBM.net!!!
So does anyone have an idea of the verbiage for the mass emails i'm about to flood cyberspace with? Comeback, you're really well spoken(in all honesty) and this is your baby…any ideas?
@Nicki Sunshine – Ok you have put me on to something new. I had no idea that could be discouraging. I figured it would prevent me from wasting time on someone I had no chance with. Next time I think I have a situation I will remember to contact you.
How did this become my baby by one barista tryna squeeze my azz??? I'll defer to Ms. Dev and or FeFe.
While we are starting movements and national holidays can we have a "ramen noddle" day? I need to show my "cup o noddles" how i appreciate them being there for me in a time of need.
@Teacia – I personally think September the 14th will be better.
Ok then we'll defer the credit to Ms. D…FeFe's tribute was not really dedicated to ALL black men, just the the ones who embodied those characteristics, lol…we're making this holiday all inclusive.
And I was pulling from your title…but we can call it Black Male Appreciation Day or something like that.
@comeback-woooohooo i am dancing all around over here!!!!
@Nicki-are you schooling people again!?
@Humble-I know the significance but seriously?
@Jaclynn – I'm just joking. not serious at all.
Humble is that your birthday or something…lol.
@Humble-I'm gonna be quiet here
I will work on the theme song adaptation compliments of "Oneway"…"cutie pie your the reason why, I love you so, I just want you to know you're the **boy** who makes me feel so good, cutie pie".
we could say man where **boy** is inserted.
@comeback-i love it!!!
Comeback you just made me think of kings of comedy lol
WOW!!!!
Ladies, I love what I am reading today. I am so happy to hear you all come up with a Black Male Appreciation Day!! I am all forward… I think the slogan should be 'We are your cheerleaders'…lol
Teacia you are right I think it would do wonders for our race and change the way we view and engage each other. Who knows more people might start getting married…lol So I am all down for the B.M.A.D and I think the 14th is better also.
To all the men you know I have love for you all. Thanks SBM for posting this for me.
If I was still in the PA…I would call up my cha cha slide crew and we'd have a hand-dance/ steppin routine for this in 48 hours.
people dont step in DC much.
okk gotta go.. there is crack in this coffee today
@Humble_One: Yes, please contact me if you are not sure… I am always to help out one of my peeps.
@Jacyln: My email is acting up….. It may be a coupla minutes.
@Mikki…. crackin up at your ramen noodle day…
To Comeback.. just got me some starbucks… nothing in there but black women. DAGGONE IT!.
I am going to starbucks too!! But I will order a grande "Water" and put a sir staw in it to make it look like im drinking something important
@Nicki-No problem. Here's another wink for you….it getting harder..to keep control…of…the…ummm…situation.
@Mikki-would you believe the power of suggestion works and I'm now going to eat some ramen?
@Mikki and Jaclynn: I have to tell you all about my ramen noodles story… had made some one day, and one of my friends wanted me to go somewhere with her so I left them on the stove, in the water, but turned off. when I came home they had swole up like SPAGHETTIS! LOL. Grossed me out…
@Jacylnn: Its back up.. just sent you something.
mao Jaclynn ramen just filled me up something wonderful (with the aid of teddy grahams) I am determined not to use my debit card for any fast food or unplanned meals until…… iono when. Its going to be hard but I can do it!!!
and what the heck is all this "winkin" going around?? is this code for something?? can somebody get like "craig david" and fill me in????
When is Ramen noodle day Mik…I love them too, I put a little collard/kale in mine too sometime. I haven't had them in a while…wink?? wth is that?
@Mikki: Not Craig David… I bought his CD! LOL. Girl, I'm on the same trying not to spend money kick. I need a savings! I'm sick of living check to check. I am wishing you luck with this!!!! As soon as I finish my move, I'm going to get a budget started… I'm moving to another state (which is right over the bridge, but STILL) so all my usual costs are going to be different (which I think is a good thing).. Kentucky car insurance is no joke. This move is already making me have to pay $100 less in CAR INSURANCE A MONTH…
ooh girl…. maybe all that needs to go on your blog.
Ladies I have a question, is it possible to think of someone so tough that they appear? and if that actually happens "which it did" does it mean anything?
@Nicki Sunshine – thank you
yea nicki good idea plug it in over on my site so i can feel important
Ladies I have a question, is it possible to think of someone so tough that they appear? and if that actually happens “which it did” does it mean anything?
yes and yes…the power of suggestion. I just draw the line at other people's signficant others and husbands.
@Humble_One: I got love for you dude, but we need more people (i.e. Men!!!!!)….. LOL
@Mikki: Going to your site now…. and I think it's a little thing called fate… then again, I've allowed "faith" to tell me to drop my drawers many times so I'm not the best at reading these thngs. HA.
Oops… I meant "fate".
lol comeback he is single as far as I know. the point is I need intervention to get him out of my head for life, cuz when I think of him to much he always pops up and I need that to stop since i know we won't ever be together. We don't have interactions anymore because I stopped that long ago for the sake of my own sanity but still can't get him out my head. I need to set him free!!
@Mikki: why won't you guys "ever be together???"
The 14th falls a Sunday this year but not next year…we can do the 14th but we need to come together on a date cause I'm already spreading the word.
Ummm I don't eat Ramon Noodles…never have actually. I don't care how poor I am…I will PB&J it up long before I eat those darn noodles…but that's just me.
@Teacia… I'm good with the 14th.
@Mikki-Wow…hmm..pray on it is all I can say..
@Teacia-PB&J is way healthier. Damned now I gotta go buy some damned peanut butter. Gosh ya'll quit talking about food.
The 14th is excellent for me as well…
Teacia: The 14th is cool. Send me what you are sending out.
Cuz I don't think he ever liked me "like that" and never will
@Teacia: Please send it to me too!
@Jaclynn: I try to be like the "others" and eat peanut butter crackers for lunch (that's it)… LOL. I can't do the celery just yet.
@Teacia – the 14th is an excellent day
"lol comeback he is single as far as I know. the point is I need intervention to get him out of my head for life, cuz when I think of him to much he always pops up and I need that to stop since i know we won’t ever be together."
why would you say that…there is power in the tongue and (pen/keyboard). Just ask that it be for your highest good.
Why am I the only guy posting? Where is SBM, HNIC, and Antidater? I'm out here dolo.
@Mikki: I think ahead of myself yaw so have patience with that…
Comback just made me think some more about what I just typed. You said you DON'T THINK he's ever liked you like that… which means he's never came right out and said it…
Mind you, I've always been that kinda laid back girl that waits for the man to choose her BUT I believe in putting yourself in the right situation (aka. flirt, whatever it takes to let him know you are interested) if he's not biting, it could be that:
a. he is not getting it; or
b. he's not interested.
I will feign dumbness for a man in the minute, hoping he'll get the point that I'm not feeling him (and so far that has a ten percent success rate) SO
if he's cool, I'd say to go for it. See how he feels and what vibe you are getting off of him with it.
@HUMBLE: Yes, get yo team up. HA!
I'm confused now…I thought he was coming around because you kept thinking about him and he was giving you a social clue of interest.
You should be able to feel chemistry and attraction. As long as that little flirty flirty thing is there…you're in…but Nicki raised an interesting point.WTH is going on??
Hey everyone check out this guy on youtube vid…
http://www.youtube.com/user/SrgtWilliepete
@Ms. Devereux: Now I don't claim to have the best mouth in history (but I'm also not broadcasting my opinion) BUT WHY does he have to use so many curse words???? I'm still listening to him… trying to figure out his point… He is losing a lot of credibility because of his language.
@Nicki: I don't know why he uses so many curse words he just voicing his opinion. I think its kind of interesting. Its just another voice to be heard. Thought someone would find it interesting. Don't let it bother you too much.
Maybe I shouldn't have shared it after talking about black male appreciation day.
"@Ms. Devereux: Now I don’t claim to have the best mouth in history (but I’m also not broadcasting my opinion) BUT WHY does he have to use so many curse words???? "
I agree…I know I drop a few fbombs on my home key..but verbally its not sitting well with me. It sounds antagonistic instead of Cornel West/Eric Dyson/ Julian Bond-ish.
my bad he isn't physically around he just emailed me and started talkin, we dont ever really speak unless he is on my brain. He will ask me how im doing and blah blah blah, but nothing past that really. We have known and "known" eachother for about 3 years, I just really either want him to say mikki i love you and im a dummy or go away
@Ms. Devereux: I agree with him that the most influential person in a single family home is the mother…. And some women are just bad mothers….. HE just sounds angry… There's a way to say it and get all of us to listen without making us feel like we're being cursed out.
That's alright… we just need a little pause for the cause. Hand clap yourselves ladies for being fabulous!
"my bad he isn’t physically around he just emailed me and started talkin, we dont ever really speak unless he is on my brain."
can you figure out a way to get him "on the phone" and "in your face". If you sense something its probably there, but don't double talk it…because it will remain elusive like this.
@Mikki: DEFINITELY prefer in your face methods when at all possibly….. you can read people that way.
whats double talkin it?
I mean we have been at this for 3 years comeback, its old and im tired. I have been in his face before, nice girl, cute girl, sweet girl, mean girl, fuck your dumb ass pay back is a bitch girl nothing works, but why does he feel the need to appear after months and months of non communication I be more bi polar with his ass than i already am.
I feel like keyshia cole, I just want it to be over.
@Mikki-Well you're going to have to let him know what's really up.
i need more info…take it from the top.
@MIkki: THREE YEARS??? I don't mean to sound negative and like everything is on a time schedule but that is just too long to tap dance…. I would put it all out there and if he is not biting, have a nice life and kick rocks…. You tell him to kick rocks…. (it's been fun, BUT What are we DOING?) life is too short for games. There could be many reasons he pops up after a hiatus: Boredom, pause in a relationship, some new booty.. whatever, but girl look after you FIRST.
OK TOP
we meet 3 years ago, had sex way to soon. I tired to cut him off when I realized it was only gonna be "Sexual" but he wouldn't let it go. So we went 3 years back n forth off n on. the sex was earth shattering, we would entertain eachother on occasional dates here n there, buy birthday gifts for eachother and ask how eachothers family is doing. I think this was friends with benefits gone wild, eventually someone always catches feelings ie me. So last year I decided to not sleep with him anymore and that started my celibacy stint. He still emails me askin me how im doing and all this and we may talk on the phone to say hi, but nobody has ever expressed any feelings, Its not rocket science to know he isnt that into me cuz if he was clearly I would know.
He just likes to keep me on his roster, I haven't called him or emailed him for months n months why would u feel the need to bother me?
Nicki tell me about it lol I know I know but he wont go away!!!! It will be one year in october since i ended our sexual relations so why in the world after a year u need to bother me!! its hard enough as it is to deal with rejection.
@Mikki: Change your number or block his Ass. What you girls will quickly find out is I am one of those CUT THROAT GIRLS… if it's not helping or hurting me, GO AWAY. LOL. I think you are right, he needs to keep you on his roster… he probably feels that you are a good catch BUT he's not doing seeing what else is out there or whatever.
Hi-5 to my CELIBACY SISTER!!!!!!
Well my honest opinion of the situation is…he's just not that into you. no harm no foul…no rationalizing needed. If he's as toxic as ur making him seem then throw up the dueces and keep it moving.
U're an option and that's all…when he's bored or lonely and need a filler chic u're there…and driving urself crazy in the process.
I say it's time to stop thinking about him and fill ur time and energy with something/someone more prosperous and engaging.
The 14th it is…I will post the verbiage when I get a moment to draft something.
Its simple. I would still set an intention. Were there other qualities that would make him a great boyfriend (out of the bedroom). Maybe you could arrange a FACE to FACE. I wouldn't checklist the shyt. But you could also make sure you feel the same way IN PERSON. If you do, he would feel it. If he catches "your drift", you could steer the situation to higher ground.
but if your done…let it be. my 2 cents.
I've relaxed my hardlined approach somewhat because im reading still some interest. He's no longer tied to you sexua#lly not after this long…so maybe you can circumvent and steer. But you need to see him to know this…any other indication I would move on.
Yay Nicki!! I knew there was a reason we got along so well lol. Thank goodness I am not celibate by my damn self!! this ish aint no joke!!
"group hug"
Ms. Deveraux, I thank you personally for your post. Yes, it is in fact tough to be a black man. It's good to know that someone appreciates the extra efforts, and is willing to deal with us, no matter how we are…
Let's take this a step further, and extend it past just a day. So it won't be like valentine's day, where you do something special for one day, and that's it.
uplifiting our counterparts should be an integral, necessary part of our life. September 14th should be a kickoff to a larger theme…please use this to start something greater
black men and women must begin to work together. Heal, repair, let go, do whatever we gotta do. If it happened in the past, it happened in the past. Work on improving the present and future.
why. so serious?
Ooooh i've always admired those strong enough to put themselves through a celibacy stint….I am so not that chic. I need physical contact at least one every 2 months…and that's a recent extension from weekly…lol…I'm compromising what can I say.
@Mikki: I'm here for you girl… now if Idris Elba walks in, you are on your own, ma'am. LOL.
yea one time he said this "you keep trying to throw away my resume but i wont let u"
why would somebody do such a thing to a person who clearly likes them a lot. One time i played him like a to bit hooker and that ish back fired on my ass, so i cant win.
I have been great at being celibate, it allows you to "think rational" and weed out all the junk. So far its been good, I think the only reason I "thought ole boy up" is cuz i was recalling those glory days lol
comeback its good to keep him at a distance, I don't think i can control myself after a year lol
so not a good look, all that hard work out the window.
@ Why so serious: Thank you and I completely agree with your last statement.
lmao Nicki you are a mess. How u gone leave a sista hangin
Driiiiiiiiiissssss!!!…oh lawd I just had a flashback…aaaand end scene…lol.
@why so serious: one day at a time mister….lol…lets just see if we can come together for one day and then go from there….slow and steady is the way to produce results and regain long term interests in the bigger picture…but I do feel u.
@Teacia: Girl, I had a couple of reasons for doing it:
1. I've tried it my way and it NEVER worked,. I want a good man now, so I'm trying to do it for the LAWD. *smile* (SOMETHING HAS GOTTA CHANGE!!!!!!)
2. I've had sex unprotected and never got a disease or pregnant and was just scared that my "luck" aka blessings would run out…
My pros for it are weighing the cons right now…. that's all. LOL
@Mikki: Idris is sexy as all get out… I'll have is babies.
lol send me a picture, maybe i can focus my "engery" on that lol.
I can't even lie and say im celibate for the lawd, heck im celibate for my sanity lol and maybe the lawd helps me with that I guess.
bless you Jesus, some thing good has to come of it right?
@Mikki: I'm lost, you want a pic of Idris???
LOL. yes, something good is gonna come out… I'm thankful that there are no more nervous pregnancy test results. LOL. WHEW!.
YES THE MAN!!!!
@Mikki: I' just sent you a pic. I WILL DO SOMETHING illegal to that man. LOL
"lol send me a picture, maybe i can focus my “engery” on that lol."
you got 29 jobs and three websites and radio interviews with financial gurus, two book deals and a bowl of ramen noodles..
none of that helps
LMAO comeback
"fell"
I need balance!!
Teacia,
It should be done for all days, and it should start now. Sept 14 should just be the official day lol.
Why not? It doesn't take that much extra to let the people in your life know that you appreciate them. What I am proposing is that we develop and keep that appreciation and thankfulness mindset. There's no need for a huge celebration everyday; but the thought is most important, as thoughts affect actions/interactions.
We must be the change we want to see in the world. I love this idea, and would like to see it be the start of something greater. Today is always the day.
whyso.
and a barbie "gets out of debt" to prototype with mattel with her own paid for car, house, and condo on the beach…
chile you should be too tired for love.
@Comback: You sound like those Jamiacans from In Living Color… Yaw remember how they always used to shout out all the things they had to do???!!!!
lmao comeback you know barbie does credit cards, if i tried to make a new proto type the world would come to an end
The email entitled: Our Foundation: Black Male Appreciation Day
It's a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.
Wouldn't it be nice if for once if we weren’t so busy being mad that they weren’t dating someone who looked like us and paid more attention to uplifting and appreciating them…then maybe we could start a change one person at a time.
The next time you see a black man whether or not you have as many close interaction as I do here in the city, SMILE and say hello. The next time one opens the door for you SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and say how are you doing today? If you have one living in your home and he gets up everyday and go face a world that doesn’t want him there, when comes home let him know you appreciate him.
I could go on and on, but you all know what I am talking about lets learn to appreciate our hardworking black men. This message has inspired the ladies of http://www.singleblackmale.org to start a movement of love and change.
On September 14, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it only takes one to start a movement, it only takes one to begin to make a change…imagine the difference a multitude would make. They deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation, let's strengthen our foundation…together we can make a difference.
Spread the word, spread the love…September 14th is now officially Black Male Appreciation Day.
Feel free to make changes ladies…I want for the message to be understood.
Ms. D I used a lot of ur post in there since it was the source of inspiration.
@Why so serious: I totally agree this shouldn't be a one day deal, but we gotta crawl before we can walk…and we're nowhere near being ready for the 100m sprint…lol.
*sidenote* a large tree branch just fell on my building…damn it sucks for my neighbors seeing as how these are privately owned condos they're liable for the repairs….damn tropical storm is getting me down…and school is closed AGAIN tomorrow…geesh.
Oh wow! Teacia that was good. Sorry about the tree. This is really tripping me out but I am totally for it. I will make a few changes and post it in a little bit.
okie doke…and the tree actually isn't affecting me…just scared the hell out of my daughter…she wasn't ready for the crash noise.
…the storm however is putting a damper on my travel plans.
…well I guess we're done appreciating our men for one day…lol.
@Teacia-Love the letter.
I just went out and a black man opened my door. I smiled and told him thanks and I hope he has a lovely day and he replied that it made his week.
@Mikki-Drop that zero!
Jaclynn just gave me an idea how about either on here or my blog we post on Sept 14th the nice gesture that you did and what the response was…. Just as Jaclynn did.
What do you think?
@Ms. D-That would be cool and it's a Sunday this year, so we'll be going to church…well some of us…
ok I made very small changes you might not even notice them…. Let me know what you think.
The email entitled: Our Foundation: Black Male Appreciation Day
It’s a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.
Wouldn’t it be nice if for once if we weren’t so busy being mad that they weren’t dating someone who looked like us and paid more attention to uplifting and appreciating them…then maybe we could start a change one person at a time.
The next time you see a black man whether or not you have as many close interaction as I do here in the city, SMILE and say hello. The next time one opens the door for you SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and say how are you doing today? If you have one living in your home and he gets up everyday and go face a world that really doesn’t want him there, when comes home, let him know that you appreciate him. I could go on and on, but you all know what I am talking about lets learn to appreciate our hardworking black men.
This message has inspired the ladies of http://www.singleblackmale.org to start a movement of love and change.
On September 14, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it only takes one to start a movement; it only takes one to begin to make a change…imagine the difference a multitude would make. They deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation? Let’s strengthen our foundation. Together we can make a difference.
Spread the word, spread the love…September 14th is now officially Black Male Appreciation Day.
Great ideas…btw i just crunched the date in which the appreciation falls (adding, month day and year and reducing to single digit). It equals a six. Six is actually the number of the nurturer. Its a magnetic day and seeks harmony. I'll post on my blog as it gets closer to the day. can someone remind me.
Also I think we should include the idea behind Black Male Appreciation Day…
-What do you all think about changing it to Sept 17th that way they can get it from everywhere and not just at home or church since the 14th is a Sunday. I think Wednesday is a good day.
-Appreciation Day is saying thank you, smiling, giving a gift, positive affirmation, hugs, kisses, or even saying 'I admire you' or 'Im proud of you' (very important) whatever you can think of to show appreciation to the black men you encounter.
-Then come back and share you experience on http://www.singleblackmale.org or http://www.honeydevereaux.blogspot.com. Tell us the responses you received and how you felt showing this love.
What do you all think? Please add anything else you would like.
Yeah Comeback I will also post on my blog that day and leading up to it.
"What do you all think about changing it to Sept 17th "
"The Humanitarian". this is a "9" day (month,date and year) and is the most evolved. Gandhi was a 9 life path. This is probably the most ideal day. 9 life paths do well as healers. People also tend to follow the "nine".
Excellent. This coming along nicely…I will post on my blog as well. Maybe since the mayor of my city is a black man I should send one to the mayor's office. Anyone sending one to Michelle so she can tell Barack how much we all appreciate him?
Let's take it to the top!
I am so excited! I can't wait to see how things go! Great ideas everyone!
The 17th it is…how do you propose that we add the way to show appreciation…will we add it to the email?
and should we change it to Black Men's Appreciation Day…or leave it at Black Male. I want to make sure before I start mass mailing and texting my ass off…lol.
yeah let me make some changes…before you go mass mailing and texting your ass off…lol
And I almost forgot to pay a special appreciation to SBM…thank you for creating this blog, for that I'm sure we are all truly grateful. I wouldn't have met the special people I have if it weren't for this site. I have developed some great friendships on and off this blog, and my life is more complete because of these friendships. Also if it weren't for this blog there would be no ladies of SBM.net movement…lol.
We never know what good can come from our actions until we watch them manifest…something great has started here…even if it were never your intentions, something great has started here. A group of very strong-willed and opinionated black women who usually fuss and complain have come together despite our differences to honor you…and that's a feat within itself…lol…we love you SBM!
Thanks Ms. D…waiting patiently while I pack before the power goes out…cause Delta still claims that my flight is leaving on time in the morning…lol!
@Teacia-It'll leave! I am so excited y'all let me know what the deal is gonna be!
Hey ladies. Ya'll did a beautiful job with this email… I can't wait to start sharing it with my friends and family!!!!! Thanks guys.
@Teacia; Blessings on your flight.
Does anyone have the final draft of the email so I can copy and paste it? I see that a couple of changes have been made.
When you think about a black man what comes to your mind? Great men such as my father, grandfather, men that I admire in my community that are Black men. I can go on and on.
When is the last time you told a black man you ADMIRE him? Yesterday.
@Nicki-I think I forgot to ask, but I wanted a copy of the notes from last night, wink…that's your clue.
@Jaclynn: I got you girl… I'll make sure I bring them to work tomorrow.
Ladies that's a great idea. Once you all decide on a date, let me know and I'll email it to my mailing list.
@Nicki-There has been a revelation..
@Jacylnn: You have to update me!!!!!
@Nicki-I just e-mailed you!
working on the final draft ladies, will let you know when its up
@Ms.Devereaux: thank you!
wheeeew…I am all done and packed, my daughter is packed and ready for her weekend with her dad, my hair is freshly permed, dyed and set…I have exfoliated, body scrubbed, and shaved my 2,000 body parts…oh and I can't forget the microdermabrasion I completed at the end…needless to say I am ready to go.
…damn, i forgot to take aloose Alex's braids…i'll ask my mom to do it on Sunday. Good night all…the storm is still raging but I also still have power so God is good. And Delta still claims at this moment that my flight is on time…lol.
Ms. D as soon as you post the final I'll start my emailing.
Teacia have fun on your trip.
Oh yeah SBM we LOVE YOU!!! Thanks for the site despite the fighting and complaining…
should I email it to everyone because I have things bold that I think everyone would like or should I post it on here?
If you want me to email you send me your email address at: honeydevereaux@hotmail.com
My friend just got me hip to this website not too long ago and I absolutely love it….I love SBM's daily posts as well as the comments….I finally decided to post a comment. But I love this idea. I'm looking forward to the Black Male Appreciation Day.
Look forward to chatting with you all in the future.
Ms. D post it on here so random posters can email it as well.
80's baby welcome to our humble abode!
Ok here it is.. Do you all think I should take one of the blogs off and just have people respond to one blog? Let me know what you think…
Our Foundation: Black Men Appreciation Day
It’s a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.
Everyday we see brothers sweeping the subway stairs, moping the lobby of an office building, riding on the back of the garbage truck, directing traffic, driving the bus, working behind the security desk, and lugging cases of drinks in the convenient store. Have you ever looked at these men and wondered how often they are told they are appreciated and doing a good job?
Then there are white collar brothers, who you see walking in the financial district or into countless downtown office buildings dressed in their suits, armed with briefcases, and ready to do their best in a corporate game that does not really want them around. Black men have it the hardest and we don’t say “I am proud” of you or “I appreciate you” often enough.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we were not so busy being angry towards them about possibly dating someone who does not look like us, but rather, paid more attention to uplifting and appreciating them. Maybe, then, we could start to change one person at a time.
We need our black men. They are the hands we stand on. The next time you see a black man — city, suburb, or country, — SMILE and say hello. The next time a brother opens the door for you, SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and ask “how are you doing today?” If a black man is living in your home and he gets up everyday and goes to face a world that doesn’t really want him there, when he comes home, let him know that you appreciate him.
This message has inspired the ladies of http://www.singleblackmale.org to start a movement of love and change.
Black Men Appreciation Day is about saying thank you, smiling, giving a gift, positive affirmation, hugs, kisses, or even saying “I admire you” or “I’m proud of you” or whatever you can think of to show appreciation to the black men you encounter.
On September 17, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it takes one person to start a movement. It takes one person to initiate to make a change. Imagine the difference a multitude will make. Our black men deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation? Let’s strengthen our foundation. Together we will make a difference.
Please come back and share your responses you received and how you felt showing this love and appreciation at http://www.singleblackmale.org and http://www.honeydevereaux.blogspot.com.
Spread the word, spread the love…September 17th is now officially Black Men Appreciation Day.
@ Teacia: Thanks
But when I think about a black man, the first thing that comes to my mind is being a provider. And of course I'm thinking about my daddy when I say that. Mainly because my daddy always had a job and made it a point to take his butt to work. In case you're wondering, no I don't think that this has impacted me in a negative manner as far as developing the "a man is supposed to provide for me" attitude but it instilled in me a strong work ethic. But I will admit whenever I'm in the getting to know someone stage (yes, I'm single too ladies. LOL) I do pay attention to a man's work ethic because I want to know if it leads to something more (marriage) will they be able to meet me halfway and help provide for the household just like my daddy did.
Uhhhh yeah that's too long…that's why I took the 3 paragraphs out of it…people are going to get tired of reading half way through it…lol.
We gotta condense it.
How about this:
Our Foundation: Black Men Appreciation Day
It’s a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.
We need our black men. They are the hands we stand on. The next time you see a black man — city, suburb, or country, — SMILE and say hello. The next time a brother opens the door for you, SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and ask “how are you doing today?” If a black man is living in your home and he gets up everyday and goes to face a world that doesn’t really want him there, when he comes home, let him know that you appreciate him.
This message has inspired the ladies of http://www.singleblackmale.org to start a movement of love and change.
Black Men Appreciation Day is about saying thank you, smiling, giving a gift, positive affirmation, hugs, kisses, or even saying “I admire you” or “I’m proud of you” or whatever you can think of to show appreciation to the black men you encounter.
On September 17, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it takes one person to start a movement. It takes one person to initiate to make a change. Imagine the difference a multitude will make. Our black men deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation? Let’s strengthen our foundation. Together we will make a difference.
Please come back and share your responses you received and how you felt showing this love and appreciation at http://www.singleblackmale.org and http://www.honeydevereaux.blogspot.com.
Spread the word, spread the love…September 17th is now officially Black Men Appreciation Day
Wait..here's a few corrections: FINAL DRAFT FOLKS!!!
Our Foundation: Black Men Appreciation Day
It’s a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.
We need our black men. They are the hands we stand on. The next time you see a black man — city, suburb, or country, — SMILE and say hello. The next time a brother opens the door for you, SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and ask “how are you doing today?” If a black man is living in your home and he gets up everyday and goes to face a world that doesn’t really want him there, when he comes home, let him know that you appreciate him.
This message has inspired the ladies of http://www.singleblackmale.org to start a movement of love and change.
Black Men Appreciation Day is about saying thank you, smiling, giving a gift, positive affirmation, hugs, kisses, or even saying “I admire you” or “I’m proud of you” or whatever you can think of to show appreciation to the black men you encounter.
On September 17, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it only takes one person to start a movement…one person to initiate a change. Imagine the difference a multitude will make. Our black men deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation? Let’s strengthen our foundation. Together we will make a difference.
Please come back and share your responses you received and how you felt showing this love and appreciation at http://www.singleblackmale.org and http://www.honeydevereaux.blogspot.com.
Spread the word, spread the love…September 17th is now officially Black Men Appreciation Day!
ok that works for me! Lets send it out and change the world!! LOL! I like the final draft.
Well then it's official…Black Men Appreciation Day 2K8 has been born!!
@Teacia an Ms. Devereuaz: beautiful job with the writing ladies…. I'm sending it out.
@Ms. D and Teacia-Love it and I'm ready.
Hmmm current state of america, it would never fly.
Black women earn the majority of the money in our community and even in situations where the black man is earning more the female is still the main consumer.
The current mindset of american public is to banish the black man first …. think why later.
I can name 3 black movies without a positive black male charachter for every one black movie you can name of the opposite. Movies that sell seem to make light of the black man and raise the black woman up to be superior.
Think of most of tyler perrys movies. you usually dont get that positive of a black male view compared to the female one. 3 men… all flawed. 3 women with issues but not really seen in a light of flawed. One guy cheats on his wife and the whole audience is upset and calling him a dog. his wife admits she cheated on him and its seen as a comedic moment???
Waiting to exhale is one of the worst offenders. Every male in the movie is flawed. the one man you actually START to like is westly snipes charachter…. then what happens? he says his wife is white and every woman in the audience throws popcorn at the screen..
This blog? dominated by women as stated by lion. To the point that we basically have to cater our conversation to what women will say insted of speaking like how we want… with your support and opinions thrown in. for instance if I come on comebacks blog, I never derail the topic and never tell the women they are wrong or not right… I just offer my black male opinion to add to their conversation.
I dont know where this separation came from with sistas and brothas, but we need a black male day like we need a new black leader. We also need a new black "leading man" now that denzel is too old. to show sistas we ARE gods most beautiful and compassionate creation.
LUV this post and SO try I always make it a point to try and admire my BM from a distance