There is a syndrome I have noticed for many years. A mental disorder, an abnormality, a deficiency that is plaguing scores and scores of black women. It can be debilitating towards relationships, finding a mate, and even just interacting with others on a platonic level.
This disease is known as heightened sense of attractiveness … HSA for short.
This syndrome is can be caused by several factors. Sometimes you just have arrogant b*tches. I mean … there are just women no matter how homely, overweight, and beaten in the face with an ugly stick they are … they’re still convinced they look good.
Often enough friends always want to “be nice”. They refuse to let their friends know that they’re unattractive … or even just treat them like the homely she-wolves they are.
Sometimes you have women living in the past. They used to be cute, but haven’t mentally accepted the real world result of the extra 60 lbs they gained over the past year. These three causes afflict both sexes though … and aren’t terribly bad. But the third … that’s a problem.
The biggest, most logically flawed, and most damaging cause for HSA is a common misconception shared by too many women …
Guys hit on me = I am attractive
NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
I will say this now and let it forever be burned into the minds, thoughts, and underlying principles of any female privileged to read this … GUYS (as a collective) WILL TRY TO F*CK ANYTHING! As a result, just because there is a guy paying you attention doesn’t mean that he finds you attractive or that you are attractive to the general population. Even if he buys you stuff, does stuff for you, or seems “great” … there ic no guarantee.
To elaborate, sometimes we’re just really really horny. Sometimes we forget our contacts at home and can’t see your pig snout. Sometimes we are on the search for slumpbuster. Maybe we even bet our friends over who could get the worst looking chic. Or maybe we just want the attention of someone … anyone. Whatever the case … you could be a dog and still be hit on constantly.
This had to be said because there are too many women walking around with an artificially inflated sense of “I’m Hot”. They are super picky, think their a “catch”, and actually form a sense of arrogance. Its uncalled for and I want to personally tell all of you who fall into that category … “Stop being a b*tch … your not that hot.”
If I can educate just one female … then I have done a great service.
Go … good people of SBM … let your friends know … go up to a random fugly chic with a model strut and tell her “Your not that hot”. Your helping make the world a better place.
Well.
Granted I'm new 2 the scene or it might b b/c its 2am & I'm bored here @ work, but I so agree! Me being a female, I have seen some chicks that I just want 2 go buy them a mirror AND a bottle of windex. I dont know whether if its because they r so "unattractive" that we, the compassionate public we r, try 2 build up their self esteem & n the end we create this monster or that they had a high school bf who told them they look good 1 time just 2 hit it. Im not sure which but it has to stop. Dont get me wrong, I believe n encouraging our young females, especially children but….come on now. Im not a Gabrielle Union but I aint no Whoopi either!
on a side bar—-same can b said 4 the wanna b pimps/OG's & bille dee wanna be's. BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP BUT UGLY IS 2 DA BONE!
(i'm new. I hope you guys (the regulars) dont mind my 2 cents)
no same can NOT be said for men.
Women hit on me… I am hot.
women dont just hit on anything ya know… it actualy takes ALOT to make them jump up and put themselves out there…. especially todays sista.
In my dating experience….. its total opposites. with me, I went out and dressed nice and was sweet and humble….. sistas werent feelin me. I got dates based on stats and looks but nobody was really feelin me.
now?
Oh fuck I KNOW im good looking and unfortunately have sex appeal. This makes women hit on me and my Billy D swagger turns it into a landslide effect. I cant get RID of the women I date now if I tried, and I damn sure get alot more attention when I go out than I did before.
Now…. sistas hate when a brotha has it goin on. Why do they feel the constant need to "check this nigga" I had someone email me behind the scenes about how she hates that I "suck my own dick." not sure why sistas cant be happy for a man doing well and confidant wit lots of joy…. we do the same for them. This traces back to love a black man day… why all the hate?
@SBM – Dog, you sure we don't know each other? Am I meeting myself 5yrs ago through this site? Are you sure you are not from Detroit and and hang out with a cat name Humble_One and his boys? I ask this because we share too too many of the same thoughts.
LOL. I DO NOT know any of these over confident women….. Every woman I know is beautiful… even if they are not considered so by conventional, video girl standards. Someone can be physically attractive like Beyonce, but a stank attitude will make her turn into Tiffany "New York" Pollard, quickfastandinahurry….
I think the same goes for men…. not so much of being hit onn (because I know nothing about that), but these mud ducks that will try to holler at you in the club and have the nerve to have a stomping fit because you turn 'em down!!!!!
the worst is the fat chick who has big boobs and gets a swelled head because every african guy in a 20 mile radius and low life try to constantly smash the fat chick….. then the fat chick gets a swelled head. then you gotta remind her… your not that hot doll… your fat.
"niggaz luv my phat ass… you betta not miss out"
omg these types make me hollar.
I had to remind someone like this the other night. heavyset single women are quite common… but how many single black males over 30 with no kids , a corporate job a college education, good speaker, and have good credit do you know?
stumped her on that one
worship me for the unicorn that I am.
know your worth fellas. we are beautiful in every single way
Humble
The three of us are vastly different in pedigree origin andpreferences but we will still have all the same experiences because we are all 3 single non hood educated black men without kids.
Im older than SBM and he tells me "your like me a few years ago" and I tell him all the time "damn your alot like me"
anytime anti comes on to post Im like… "damn I shoulda said that" because its usualy what I was thinkin.
and I say all the time Humble is like me 8 months ago.
Even though not enough fellas post here, I feel comfort out here in suburbia knowing that there are other single black men out there and they think and feel the same things I do.
Yea thankfully I don't know any females that are overly confident, my take is that if you are in fact "so sexy" then it should just show naturally and people will gravitate towards you, no need to shout it to the world…..
and the truly sexy people don't have stank tudes.
check your stankattude at the doe!
Oh wow…lmao! Nice start to a Monday morning.
I don't know anyone too full of themselves (well, actually I may know one or two). However; I think it's their way of staying secure versus insecure – - which can also be even more unattractive. I co-sign with Mikki, if someone is all that (like I myself am, lmao j/k) then it should show/shine naturally.
I missed yall. I just got back from Detroit yesterday.
@HNIC – I agree but I wouldn't say I am non-hood. I was raised in the hood so I do have those tendencies. I was exposed to more and educated outside the hood so my view is more broad.
The thing that kills me about these type of women is that they live in total denial. They are like the fat pretty boys that try to wear high-end designer clothes. I've ran into a few in my time. There are some women that fall in this category.
1. the unattractive girl with the big ass
2. the unattractive girl with the large breast
3. the unattractive girl with the fly gear
4. the overweight girl that likes pretty boys
5. the overweight or unattractive girl that is infatuated with white guys and pretty boys
I agree with Ms. Freckles and Mikki: if you are beautiful, people are gonna be attracted to you naturally.
@Nicki Sunshine
"I agree with Ms. Freckles and Mikki: if you are beautiful, people are gonna be attracted to you naturally."
i agree but beautiful people on the outside seem to attract more people than beautiful people on the inside. I wish it was the opposite.
@Humble_One: I think a lot of people who are beautiful on the inside are criticized so much that they really don't see their value. I can speak from both sides of the fence. I was quite the ugly duckling (*smile) and in my early adult life, realized that I'm beaufiul both in and out.
I think this made me a better person. Women that have been beautiful all their lives (the ones I know anyway) take it for granted and aren't humble about it, by any means.
Wow. I don't have the first friend who is overly confident. By far, the prettiest black friend I have thinks she is unattractive because men are intimidated by her personality (not bad, just big). And as Nicki said you can have on a million dollars worth of clothes, be fine as a hell and have a 2cent attitude, thus severely reducing your beautiful-ness. Now about this pretty boy thing…I prefer a man who does not mind getting his hands dirty but maybe he just doesn't due to the luck of the draw. Furthermore, while I love the city I chose to live in being hit on down there doesn't mean a thing to me because approaching me with "hey boo" and "say red" ultimately don't do a damned thing for me.
Ms. Freckles you came to Detroit and didn't tell me! shame on you *slaps hand*
Well I personally think that a balanced sense of "what I got is hot" should resonate from both men and women. The extreme is what is rooted in sheer insecurity. The sad thing is that men do it too as it relates to their sexu#al prowess. And I think some mention might be healthy, but I've seen guys build their whole conversation around whose back they can break and how big their pen$is is.
The extremes from both genders all boil down to "who are you trying to convince." ? It also suggests its polar opposite which usually is about extreme self-hatred.
my clincal two cents
Cosgins with Comeback's "who are you trying to convince????"
say that comeback, me and my bestie talked about that the other day. The conclusion was drawn that a "Real man" doesn't brag about what they can do in the bedroom they just show n prove. The ones that lack something are the most vocal, and they drive BIG TRUCKS LOL.
Roosevelt's "speak soflty and carry a big stick." Definitely applies to ALL situations.
Waiiittt a minute Nicki I don't want no big sticks, one size does not I repeat DOES NOT FIT ALL!
lol
Upon reading today's post, I thought I was reading the works of the legendary Hasani…but it dawned on me how short the post was; so it couldn't have been him. Let me catch up in the comment section and return with my analysis.
@Mikki: LOL….. I agree with you… SOMETIMES… Sometimes you just feel like a……
@Nicki Sunshine
" Women that have been beautiful all their lives (the ones I know anyway) take it for granted and aren’t humble about it, by any means."
This is so true. I think every man on this board can attest to this.
LMAOOO at this post. Being that i'm probably the yougest person on this blog ( i can almost garantee it) i'm seeing these chicks all over my college's campus. What makes it worst is that they are the hoes that sleep with half the football team,half a frat, or any large grouping of well known guys on campus. Everyone knows, the boys take bets on who smashes the fastest , and then to and insult to injur she decides to model and do pageants when theres is nothing on the inside but a vast pool of insecurity and, well, other unmetionalbles. I feel that everyone should know their worth and feel good about themself. But its true guys will try to smash anything and being the black population is small on my campus everyguy has, or tried to then noticed her roster, to eff this this girl, or her friends who feel the same way about themselves when they are in the same box. not that i'm hatin, i'm all for one doing their own thing. i just hate when the prance around campus like this sh*t dont stink when my guy friends will dog her out in public and she acts like the situation was totally different when 17 guys have the same story. Truely everyone has some beauty about them, but some people need to find the inner beauty they have.
@SBM
"Sometimes you have women living in the past. They used to be cute, but haven’t mentally accepted the real world result of the extra 60 lbs they gained over the past year."
I've met this type before. They are usually in their mid 20s to mid 30s. They were hot back in high school and college. What kills me is how they act when you dont think they are hot or something special.
"Guys hit on me = I am attractive"
Why, Why, Why, dont some women understand this. Some men will do and say whatever they have to to get you in the bed. Some men will sacrifice pride, money, self respect, etc. to get sex from you.
Humble you are speaking truth!
Men will say n do whatever to get some!
Now I know we are talking about grown ass women but what about our children. What about these little girls who the boys pick on for being the ugly duckling or being overweight and the parents and adults who codone it. With obesity on the rise and all these kids tryin to look like the people they see on tv, they are going to grow up with this false sense of "glamour". Lawd knows if I see another overweight 10 year old in a mini skirt tryin to drop it like its hot, I might have to say somethin to her mama….but wait mama's doin the same damn thing….damn it! In the words of Charlie Murphy 'we got to do better'
I had a guy friend that said most guys have a look they give….bedroom eyes he said. Said they usually give the 'look' to big girls or unattractive girls just to get a laugh.
some of y'all think that the all purple suite is still kickin….its not the 1980's.
I like a clean dressed brotha, if you slip up best believe we gone joan
Ok, I've been MIA for a while, but you know a sista started a new job and can't be a$$ing around on the internet the first couple of weeks…now that I'm comfy in my cubicle…let the a$$ing around begin!
@SBM on my first day back: HAHAHAHAHAHA (deep breath) HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Too funny. The reason this is so funny to me is that I love to people watch…I do it in the mall, on public transportation, at the club. And every place I go, I see some chic that fits the description. Its so sad and sometimes I catch myself laughing at them. HOWEVER, I want people to have confidence. I don't care who you are and what you look like..ACT AS IF (one of my favorite lines from the monologue in Boiler Room). Act as if you are the flyest b*tch in the room even if you aren't, because confidence is sexy too…and if nothing else, it amuses the hell out of me to watch.
P.S. i tell folks all the time, just cuz dudes try to holla at you doesn't make u attractive..men are easy to please…now when the chics start chasing you and gay men start trying to be like you…it's official! LOL
Good Morning SBM et al
Judge not lest ye be judged…anyone? Sheesh, this was harsh. A lot of things make a person "attractive". SBM you need to clarify what's "hot" by your standards – besides a nice rack.
No one – hot or not? – should be walking around with a super-sized ego – that in particular is unattractive to me.
Someone mentioned Tiffany aka "New York" with her stank attitude. I personally think that before she opens her mouth she looks like a character from the muppets with her puffed out cheeks and mouth. Yet, she's hot to some guys (and I'm not just talking about the guys from her show bc we all know they were there for TV – same with Flava Flav)
I couldn't tell anyone (man or woman) they look good or not bc beauty is in the eye…
My best friend thinks Jay-Z is cute, and I think he looks like a Camel. eh, well
@ Cuzzo, I'm with you! arrogant is not attrative. But I try to stay away from arrogant/self absorbed people, they are bad for my health.
I have seen your [moderated out the hate ...] havin ass.How dare you write this. I think you need to take a look in the mirror b/c the reality is…YOURE NOT THAT HOT. Dont be mad cuz you try to holler at girls and they turn you down. People who write shit like this are bitter and mad about what they see in the mirror each day. How about you put up a pic of yourself and let the readers be the judge. lol Oh and how about you take an english class and learn how to spell?
WOW post 21, I dont even to speak to be mentioned os arly in the morning.
see now thats love from the black woman…. nice to see the holiday started so soon and lasted so long.
Majority of men will say whatever to get some booty. So just because your out there and get attention dosent mean your fly.
I had an argument with Teacia before, she said she had as many dates this year as I have, but I mentioned to her that shes a WOMAN and obviously she will attract more men than I will women and that its a "curve" .
she disagreed and said its even. that blew my mind. 49 dates in a year for a feat I think.
I actually dont have a problem with the arogant woman. I dont buy into the media hype that anyone who is arrogant is "the bad guy." just because the bad guy in every movie is arrogant. If you are REALLY arrogant, then there is a reason you got that way…. by being better.
Miss June is arrogant. But she dosent think she is better than ALL women, just most. she always reminds me she is a model, she always reminds me asian women are in style, and she always reminds me she is good looking. But she is real about it and says, she knows she still has to work hard to stay in shape and knows she has to work hard to keep her man.
so in my book, you can think your all that if you are… but what kills me are the ones who arent special that think they are elite.
Anybody got a pistol for my eye.
* flava flav wwwoooooooooowwwww*
ahem…you don't learn how to spell in english class for one…you learn it in spelling/vocabulary class. d'uh. and, um, this isn't the single black grammatically correct hooked-on-phonics-worked-for-me man. sheesh.
no one should be judging anyone else's looks period! we cannot help but say this person is ugly and this person isn't but our (i.e. yourself in the mirror) words/opinions are not the be all that end's all. you sound bitter and mad…did SBM with his "insert all the negative things you said about him" turn you down perhaps?
@Cuzzo: LOL. I agree… if she turned down her make up, I wonder if that would help at all…. On her new show, they show her in the morning, and she's already in full costume. PUH-LEEZE.
@Breelicious: I am so the people watcher too… funny the things you catch people doing when they think nobody is looking. HAAA!
@boyplease: Fat fucked up teeth man boobs?
Oh you obviously arent talkin to me and my 225lb with 17% body fat muscled frame…. cuz guys like me dont have problems getting attention from women. Keeping them around is another story… but "hollarin" has never been a weakness for guys like me.
If your talkin about another one of my black brothas on this blog however… slow yoru roll sista abw. let me school you.
A Fine single black man… is worth more than a fine single black woman.
Yes I know all humans are equal… but hold up a sec. theres more of you fine ass well educated single sistas out there than us men of the same skillset. so because of the laws of supply and demand… each of us is worth more.
So if one of us has fucked up teeth and man boobs…. he is STILL worth more than the average sista, just because…. well… if we was any more fine we WOULDNT be single black men we would have some white woman cookin us dinner and wearing our wedding band
appreciate all of us black men as we appreciate you. praise a man for having his shit together in an age where many of us dont. and dont hate us for having an opinion and being articulate enough to express it in an age where they dont want us to speak.
must take a REAL woman to hide behind a fake name and diss your black man eh? your mum must be proud.
wow, where did that come from?
@ Humble_One – I don't know. I feel like we were at our family reunion and someone showed up in the wrong T-shirt and ate the last of the BBQ.
Not nice at all!
Some folks think the sun rises and shines just because of them. There are some misguided folks who need to read this post. Just because one person thinks (or lets you thinks) you're a bag of chips, for others you're nothing but a crumb on the floor.
after reading this post I can NEVER again in life be called superficial. It says something about all ya'll who are agreeing. cuz most times people will think that the one that is calling the other unattractive is unattractive as well.
we all have out different opinions. i know when i dont think someone is fly, but on the same token they may not think that i am fly either (note: this NEVER happens). but its possible. and to top it off… ive seen pics of men who are deeming themselves to be the attractive police….. and 99.999999% of the time they look nothing like Boris Kodjo
and at post #38 for HNIC… this blog does not get into all the societal factors that weigh into a man being a prick for thinking up this HSA factor and applying it to women only.
its not a diss to black men as a whole. and i really want educated black men and women to stop thinking that they deserve a freaking biscuit just because they are educated.
lets not get all deep on this truly shallow blog. i'll just go with the flow of things and say that unless youre fine as shit, based on worldly standards of attactiveness (i.e. people of all races think youre fine) then you have no authority to think that someone else has "HSA"
In addition to what I typed above…you can be the cutest or sexiest guy in the place but if your attitude is stank, your physical attractiveness doesn't mean a thing and you're just as ugly as the one who doesn't have "the look."
Well to me it seems that women period especially white women think that they are the hottest thing smoking when it comes to the HSA syndrome! Yes I do know that some black women have it but not like these lil trailer grease bunnies that think they sh*t dont stink.! One thing that men with this syndrome don't seem to realize is that normally its not them that the woman is attracted to. Its thier money and what they can do for them. I know madd nuccas that look like HAMS but get hit on by women all day long because of what they have. TRUST and believe.
shoot me in the eye too!
I am laughin my butt off at daisys comment
Oh and for the men…it may have already been said…still going through the comments.
Men–just because an attractive sista or non-sista(whites, hispanics, asians, etc) hollers at you–it doesn't necessarily mean you're hot.
I know plenty of ugly brothas with women…some of them have the nerve to try to be playas.
Some women are with you because you have DEEP pockets…nice crib…nice car…and yes…if an ugly dude can lay the pipe, he'll have women for days.
Cuzzo, I agree…but when the lights are off or when Jay Z is spending all that money on you, he'll be the most attractive man in this joint…ROFL…another example of an ugly dude who can pull any woman–he's not physically attractive, but he has major bank and his confidence level is borderline arrogance.
@Daisy – lol. Is that the feeling I had when I read that? It was totally from left field.
Wow this post is rather harsh and somewhat sexist. What's wrong with a woman having confidence? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One man's trash is another man's treasure. Blah Blah Blah. Besides what about some of the delusional men out there who think they’re God's gift to women just because they are “educated” and have a “degree?” I’ve encountered plenty of lame men who think that just because they have a degree and a good job, I should automatically get excited that they are talking to me. What about personality, character, and yes your personal appearance? I figure if men can be superficial and have certain physical requirements, so can I. Sadly some of these men fail to realize that a degree doesn't mean the guy isn't a pompous douche bag, unattractive, and generally has no idea how to treat women.
I also want to know what is considered beautiful. Beauty is highly subjective. How is a woman supposed to know if she is attractive if men will approach or fuck anything? Isn't that a poor reflection of their standards? I know men who will not have sexual relations with women they find unattractive. It goes against the rules. So if a woman is constantly getting hit on my different men, wouldn't it be reasonable for her to assume that she is attractive?
As the resident den mother with the third eye..that I shot..I think its safe to say that this post ISN'T REALLY about women "who think they are hot when they are not". Im going to venture to say that a great weekend was not had by all. But is that worth a post that ended up offending most if not all of your female readers.
maybe we can rechannel this energy back into black male appreciation day. Is that still a go ? Are the founding members still active, present and on board?
I think most of us would be interested in the TOTAL package when dealing with the opposite sex. Physical attractiveness does not mean you'll make a good partner. The total package includes other things besides what you see physically. What I may find attractive in a guy, Mikki or Comeback might not find attractive and vice-versa…true beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Comeback girl I still love my black men—no matter how shallow they can be…so as for me, I'm still sending out the email to my list about Black Male Appreciation Day.
lol comeback
see sbm I told you that not opening those car doors for the ladies would one date come back to bite you in the booty!
People are getting confidence and arrogance twisted. There is nothing wrong with being confident in yourself and thinking highly of yourself. But when you carry yourself in a snooty, arrogant, and stuck-up demeanor you get topics like this. Like I said before I have met some of these women. I am sure the women have met men like this. So are men and women shallow for not thinking the other person is as hot as they think they are? So in other words people that think their sh*t doesnt stink should be treated like their sh*t doesnt stink. We should cater to their conceitedness because if we dont we are shallow and superficial.
Well arrogance is different. Arrogant people regardless of how they look are a pain in the ass and a major turn off. Humility goes a long way and everyone have areas of improvement they can address. However I do think big girls tend to get a bad rap if they do happen to have good self esteem and confidence. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to come off as if I'm promoting being overweight in our communities. In fact I think the whole "I'm phat therefore I don't need to change Monique phenomenon" will send millions of black women into the an early grave not to mention the plethora of other medical issues that goes with being overweight such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure etc…
What's interesting is when someone CAN'T see that they have shallow tendencies.
Humble One I think we can all agree that "There is nothing wrong with being confident in yourself and thinking highly of yourself." All should have a healthy self-esteem. Going overboard in any direction–overly confident(arrogance) or lack of is unhealthy.
@Shelia – Cosign post #51. The problem I see with some of the comments is that people are missing the point. Maybe I am the only person that met women like this. But I feel insulted when you act like I should treat you like the "supreme queen of all women". And when I dont sweat you like other men do then you want to insult me and whatever. I dont expect all women to feel me just like I dont feel all women. But if a woman doesnt like me I dont assume there is something wrong with them. They just dont like me.
@Humble-I think you got it right.
Furthermore, I think it's unnecessary to walk around like you're the best thing in the world. I mean if someone sees a value in you that they like…accept it without being super-arrogant.
"But if a woman doesnt like me I dont assume there is something wrong with them. They just dont like me."
Humble One, that's cool. I think that may be the disconnect. Sometimes folks take the rejection and make it seem like "ALL" women or men are a certain way. I'm with you on that…if a man doesn't like me, he just doesn't. Life goes on.
I agree Humble.. But what about projection. I'm fascinated at a man that goes gaga over a chick and then becomes repulsed by the vary thing that made her attractive TO HIM in the first place. Again I am all for a healthy dose of self love because if you don't believe it nobody else will…however but and wherefore is it fair to make these kinds of judgements on women you just had to have from the boginning.
After you smashed..she's just trash? As much as Im all yaya sisterhood and women loving self and reading between the above lines..that seems unfairly HARSH, onesided and unevolved to me too.
*nextel chirp*
“Stop being a b*tch … your not that hot.” – maybe she's actin' like a B because she's tired of all the dudes who try to holler at her just bc they are interested in a f*ck? if people were always coming at you this way…you'd be super picky too – regardless of how you look.
unless someone says to you "don't try to talk to me bc I look too good for you" , you don't know where their seeming arrogance stems from.
*end chirp*
High-five's to Shelia but Jigga wouldn't make it to my bedroom (and I'm no Bey…so what), lol. Good point Muse about "How is a woman supposed to know if she is attractive if men will approach or f*ck anything?"
WOOOOOOW!! So I'm on the plane headed back from a fanfuckintastic weekend in DC…when I get a call in my connecting city in Charlotte asking if I read the blog…lol. I scout it out and DAYUM!!!
SBM who did u go and piss off…i don't know I think it's all blown out of proportion, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I too know chics who are mean and nasty and think they're hot when in fact they're not…we all have. No need to get all pissy at it unless ur guilty as charged.
I swear u guys take the fun out of shit sometimes…and enough with the 3rd eye nonsense…because u are sooooo off yet again with ur deductions.
Black Men Appreciation Day is alive and well…my sentiments are the same. Calm down…it's just one opinion of one man shared by many except those who take offense for good reason.
SBM dust that shit off ur shoulders and keep it moving…it must be that good head u speak of that got old girl so damn salty.
Well I'm off again…they're boarding my zone…see u all on the flip side.
Cuzzo u couldn't have said better!!!
…shit I have class as soon as I land…i guess I'll catch up on the fuckery when I get home tonight.
And SBM thanks for hooking me up with a few of ur friends…they were great fun and I thoroughly enjoyed them all. *lurkers I know ur reading…lol*
Off I go.
this post IS about women.
Women who "arent that hot" are not the same as black men who arent that hot.
supply and demand.
its a blog…. us black men are talkin about women… who arent really that hot.
anyone remember a certain black female who claimed she was "out of my league" because she had "gasp" a bachelors degree? Meanwhile shes overweight and I am dating models and doctors …. go figure.
It takes more for a sista to hollar at a brotha than a brotha to hollar at a sista. So if I have 5 black women approach me on a given night… and you have 15 dudes approach you on a given night…. its pretty safe to say I can think im all that and you are just run of the mill normal.
why?
because
YOUR AVERAGE NIGGA ISNT GETTING HIT ON 5 TIMES A NIGHT
but
YOUR AVERAGE SISTA GETS HIT ON EVERY OTHER MINUTE IF SHE IS HALFWAY DECENT LOOKING
got the point?
and please stop with the boring stereotypes of "well your cute so you must be shallow"
we all know women go for swagger more than looks, and Im not getting your number based just on my physique and hazel eyes.
Im getting it because a woman thinks my type is or could be a prize….
unless you live in some magical land where theres pleanty of SBM over 30 that are marriageable
you had me at "slumpbuster"
btw, sbm, what chemicals are you putting in the comments section water cooler here that makes everyone so serious all the time?
Theres nuthin wrong with confidence…bcuz if u dont luv urself u cant expect any1 else to luv u.
But arrogance is ugly and unnattractive & no1 shuld act like their sh dont stank.
@the champ…i'm with you, i just thought this was amusing. can't we all have a good LOL from time to time? I mean, it's funny as hell to me that some of the commenters and maybe even the poster could possibly fit the description of the post (disclaimer: i'm not ragging on anyone, i have never seen any of the people who post on this blog…except for one and i cosign on her looks and resulting attitude, lol). For every one of us looking at someone else saying to ourselves "he/she is not as cute/fly/sexy as he/she thinks he/she is" someone could be thinking the same about us. That said…shrug your shoulders and have a laugh and someone else's and perhaps even your own expense.
Your attitude/personality is what makes you attractive or unattractive. If you dont think thats true, look at Seal and Hedi Clume!
Indiana – we all know what Heidi is interested in and it's below Seal's equator. On that note…I think many a good singer and poet can bag a few ladies regardless of how they look. Something about the swooning and crooning.
Teacia and Bree – I'm really laughing on the inside.
"Indiana – we all know what Heidi is interested in and it’s below Seal’s equator. On that note…I think many a good singer and poet can bag a few ladies regardless of how they look."
Saul Williams and Seal are extremely hot to me. I think the beauty in it all is that there is a lid for every pot.
@ the champ…
why…so….SERIOUS!!!!
naw. People are getting out of hand, in general. We are in the arrogance era of our great society, where despite how good the product is, the better you can promote yourself, the better you are.
Unfortunately not many of us know who our true selves are. So it's sought from the seeking of validation from others – we must have the fastest car, the finest woman, the biggest house. Arrogance is the over-extending of this.
The true winners are those who find out where their true selves are, then let the world 'come to them.
@Cuzzo-A little weinerschnitzel never hurt anyone. I mean I think Seal is really nice to her. A real stand up good guy so maybe that's why she's sticking around. Now to mention beautiful babies.
@why so serious
"Unfortunately not many of us know who our true selves are"
This is a 2 day topic.
LOL..I'm just sayin…folks on here getting on their high-horses as if they've never looked at some chic and said to one of their homegirls "she just thinks she's way cuter than she is"…I know I've said that mess before. And I'm positive it's been said about me. Shucks, I can tell you that just yesterday I took my butt to the grocery store and ran a few errands in a wife beater and some raggedy, flooding sweatpants and some flip flops and was walking around like i was wearing the latest ish off the runway made by D.Versace herself…and I can garauntee you that some chic was looking at me like "um…does she know her feet are ashy"…HAHAH
it goes without saying that everyone should be confident, it also goes without saying the beauty is in the eye of the beholder…but what the hell is wrong with pointing out what we sometimes honestly think about other people…be it PC or not…cuz u know u think that ish sometimes…
Teacia I hope that trip was in your budget..
*sad sad face*
just when i think im making progress….
I can't even save the world one person at a time
I need a hug
HUGS to Mikki.
It'll be okay. I am sure Teacia did this responsibly!
breaker breaker one nine…hit me on the cb radio again.
I honestly **swear on everything** that I have never looked at someone and been like "she think she is all that". I'm from the school of thought that if somebody is thinking it, you must be. Now I have encountered attractive people with just nasty attitudes and thought why they hated themselves so much…but it had little to do with how phsyically attractive or unattractive they are. I think it was Nicki above who said that all people are beautiful and I honestly see that.
How did 1-2 comments change the whole vibe of the day?
@Comeback – From my experiences it wasn't how they look that made me say "she thinks she is all that" it was their behavior. I dont know who you are by just looking at you.
@comeback…i feel you, i can find the beauty in anyone, that's something i love about myself. but that usually comes with time spent with a person or regular interactions. but sitting on the marta train on the way home watching some chic walk around in an outfit made for someone 30 lbs lighter, 5 inches taller, and with a normal sized a$$ trying to rock it like it was made for her…the thought definitely enters my mind. but i definitely feel you.
I think everyone has SOMETHING attractive about themselves…you take that, you magnify it and strut like its that fire. That's one of the things I love about the show What Not To Wear, they show people how to find their attractive attributes and accentuate them.
"she thinks she is all that” it was their behavior."
@ humble…what is the behavior? exactly? is she just feeling herself more than YOU think she should.
@bree i agree. If you have eyes you can't help to notice people who wear things that might not be the most flattering. But still I;ve never been like "that bytch aint cute". I might have wondered if she got dressed with no lights on. and thats a judgement too I guess.
Well I hope SBM is feeling better cause he did seem rather angry when he wrote this.
@Comeback
here are a few examples that i have experienced of this behavior
1) Woman approaches Humble several times. Humble treats her cordial and respectful despite her advances. Woman ensues that Humble is scared and a mama's boy. Woman tells Humble how she has man A,B,C on her and I am B.Sing.
2) Humble is at a party. Humble meets his boys girlfriend's freind. In general conversation she mentions how she only talks to ballers and tells me that i'm not her type she prefers pretty boys. Keep in mind I made no attempt to get her number or anything.
Humble stay away from the clubs cousin!
Jaclynn thank u for the Hug girl!!
@humble…HAHAHAHA!! that is some funny ish…i've witnessed scenario #2, and it's quite amusing to watch. I have a flip-side version of that for my sistas
I'm going to visit one of my guy friends to watch a football game, he's there with his homeboy and i'm bringing my homegirl…he asks "is she cute?" and his boy is in the background "she better be cute". I get there and his boy is A TOTAL DUD! um, is this ill-dressed, poor dental plan having, unintelligent retard the person you were trying to qualify my homegirl for?!? Uh, please! LMBO
I kind of agree with Mikki…Hum (can I call you hum??) anyway maybe its where you're hangin'. I don't know I suspect its all a big game. I think men like these women too, just as much as some women try and convince some men that dude needs them in their life. It seems like one big ghetto waltz.
And then when one person seems to have an unfair "advantage" a foul gets called.
@Comeback-Ghetto waltz?
@Humble, Mikki-Are there any clubs there for the professional set?
Made it back safely AND:
LOL…thanks Bree for the cosign cause u and I both know I KNOW i'm tough shit…lol…and I will most certainly return the favor to you my young fly sister *quietly tapping my inner fantasies…lol*
Champ I don't know what he sprinkles in this damn comment section but the shit is potent. I love my blog family, god knows I do but damn they sholl get rowdy for no reason.
Mikki…lol…ME pay for a trip somewhere…now that was good shit…LMAO!!! Yes I stayed within budget…it was a relatively inexpensive weekend anyways but loads of fun and laughs, and well worth the cash I did cough up for the travel… besides yall know errthing in DC is free anyways(except parking).
Comeback the topic isn't that deep…you and I both get it, some chics should work on their attitude b/c they're not that hot. Also if I'm not mistaken the Champ did a similar post a month or so ago and u weren't over there hooping and hollering "conspiracy"…so why do it here? Can we get ur representative to attend our daily forums as well or does VSB have exclusivity rights to a sweeter, gentler Comeback Girl.
oh yeah…it's a shame we missed each other this weekend.
….off to class I go.
Okay well im not gonna lie! I have judged some people (women and men) when I mayb should not have. And yes I do think im cuter, finer, tighter ect….than most other women. But as a youngin I was told not to put any woman before your own beauty not even Halle Berry(although she is gorgeous) but she still aint me. Sorry it was a learned behaviour. But for the record I do not act nasty toward a dude because I feel like he should not be hollering at me because his ex-gf looks like a sea-horse, and what not. I give him convo and politely let him know that I would not be caught dead with you because your ex-gf looks like a sea-monkey. (I don't say that to him either, I said politely).
I don't remember a post on VSB @ this, but I'll find it and dump some sweetness on it Comeback style.
(Off topic) – Teacia welcome back – how was your trip?
Sheila is was good fun…I had never been to DC before and I enjoyed immensely…those who know me know that my heart beats to politics and the history of this country so seeing the sites was great. My tour guide wasn't all that bad either…lol…oh and I officially want to live in the neighborhood surrounding Adams Morgan…it's so refined and beautiful…not on the rowdy ass strip though. And U Street was a blast…apparently I had lunch at the place that supposedly turns into a swinger bar on some nights but the food the delicious.
I met a group of great people…intelligent to no end and my kind of funny(read: sarcastic as shit)…and everyone seems to beat to the same political drum which was super exciting…i don't meet many as involved down here in the south(read: oppression)…as my tour guide liked to call it.
All in all my freedom tour was great…although the grass was brown…DO BETTER DC!
…but I'm still at the airport an hour later b/c my unreliable mother isate as usual from doing shit all(i knew I should have pd for parking)…forcing me to miss my first day of classes.
…oh well…i digress!
…oh and it's still fuccn raining down here…layovers are for losers and I will only fly nonstop if it's in the continental united states…and I loved the last pilot…he was so gentle with my flight.
I have to clear some things up. I haven't read through all the comments, but I see some people really took this the wrong way.
First, its definitely a unisex argument. My apologies for not highlighting it … but it easily applies to men too. I just am a guy and notice it in women. I have a few male friends who suffer from it, but since I'm not hitting on them I guess its less of an issue.
Also, I know what I'm working with. No one is going to mistake me for Taye Diggs … but please believe this was not written in retaliation to any event or person. Damn … ninja can't have an opinion on his own site anymore! Trust … SBM get his …
I am not blasting ugly women or shooting down anyone's confidence, but you have some blatantly arrogant women who base their whole arrogance on the fact that "someone" wants to f*ck them. Some chic who I dated (probably the source of the earlier comment) would walk around and tell me "I'm great … I went on 4 dates in the last 2 weeks". THAT IS NOT A CLAIM TO FAME! Any woman will get attention from men … you should be confident in yourself and not walk around with a stank attititude because someone bought you Ihop and tried to invite themselves into your house. Lets be real …
At the end of the day … God don't like ugly … and this was written to those with that inner ugliness. If your attractive and confident … good. If your not attractive and confident … even better. But if your a 5 on most people's list and walk around talking down to people like your f*cking Halle Berry … shut that sh*t up.
I would apologize for offending … but anyone who reads knows that's me. WTF … I gotta start coddling to everyone who might think I'm being a little hard.
If your not arrogant … I'm not talking about you!
Well..now that big brother has stepped in we should be able to just chill…have a little wine or a beer, some jack and coke and relax and play verrrry nice!
So I finally caught up with the comments (a part time job nowadays).
Champ … I have no idea what it is? I swear u would think we all knew each other personally and someone's mama had gotten smacked. Maybe I'm just not as funny as I think I am …
Outside of that … just gotta reiterate that this post was dedicated to arrogant b*tches. I mean … there are peopl who literally will talk down other men and women as less then them just on the pure fact that "people try and get my number!". And to all those that fall in that category … kindly … kill yourself (like my man Juicy J would say …)
Teacia cool. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I know it was a lot of politics talk with Obama making his VP pick this weekend–sure it made for interesting conversations.
…sorry for earlier misspellings and grammatical errors…i was typing from my phone earlier and i'm finally home and relaxed.
Sheila I definitely enjoyed the conversations, especially the one I had with my friend's father. It was just nice, he's a black Republican…and I can relate to a lot of his theories being from the South and all…we're pretty conservative down here so it was kind of refreshing…although I'm an Independent and enjoy being able to vote my issues and not party politics.
It was nice though, I really enjoyed myself…not enough time to get it all in…so I look forward to going back soon…I may have *quietly*..fallen in love with the city…not ready to call it quits on the sunshine state…i'm just too spoiled by the weather.
@SBM: I wouldn't be splainin' myself if it were my blog…they don't have to read the damn thing now do they…ahhh the sweet nectar of freedom that has been bestowed upon us all…nice isn't it.
@Jaclynn: Amen…can't leave alone for a minute…lol.
…time to watch the Democratic Convention. *sidenote*…these damn Oreo Cookie milkshake sundaes from Burger King are to DIE FOR!!!
@SBM – I understood the topic. I dont know how someone would see you as being shallow or superficial when you are addressing the people who are and shouldn't be.
Ok am I the only one who thinks that men are simply attracted to self-confidence no matter how fugly the woman is? Here's my theory…woman have this intuition/gut feeling they tend to go by, and men have this internal radar for self-confidence/esteem in a woman. Another way to look at it is men who are rapist/predators – they have an internal radar for who has low self-esteem to prey on.
All that to say, that yes it might be a game for you or you're super horny or whatever, but there's something about a confident woman that you find attractive.
Also let's not forget that a woman may approach you for several reasons other than your 'hotness' factor. It could be money too, hehe.
@Teacia and Humble-Seriously…it wasn't that serious. Damn. Peoples gotta learn to take it easy.
@Teacia-I'm on the convention too lol
"I know im hot and you cant afford me"
someone was wearing this at the gym today….
do you actually think a black man was wearing this shirt or do you think some chicken head was?
@Hasani: I HOPE a chicken head was wearing it but I have a feeling you will say a black man….
Niki: Nope, it was a sista. I think I was more proud that a sista was in the gym (a rare sight) more than the fact that I was crackin on her about what it said. she told me shes a "princess"
I love when my every day life happens to relate to blog topics of the day.
Humble: My brotha, it happens to me just as many times when I go out too. if it happens to you "in the hood" and it happens to me in the burbs and around nyc….. then perhaps SBM is on to something with this post eh?
I always say this blog is a microcosim of our society. whens the last time you saw one of the black men say they were too good or better than any of the women or other men? I mean… right now Im livin out most mens dream (or so the guys at work tell me) with this much attention… and I will still chat friendly with a 230lb chick behind the scenes just as fast as I will chat with a hottie like Renegade. I have gone on a date with a 43 year old mother of 4 by 3 different men….. and I have gone on dates with a model who is finishing up a double phd.
I just dont see many black men with the attitude that we are "too good" for other people. which is hilarious because if you think about it…. us good black men are worth more and we SHOULD have that type of attitude.
Niki: Nope, it was a sista. I think I was more proud that a sista was in the gym (a rare sight) more than the fact that I was crackin on her about what it said. she told me shes a "princess"
how does an average woman actually let those words COME OUT OF HER MOUTH to another human being?
I love when my every day life happens to relate to blog topics of the day.
@HNIC: UGGGGHHH. I really don't like the whole "princess" mentality… I don't subscribe to it… it irritates the hell out of me. But I know women do…. To me, I'd much rather be a queen (beautiful, strong, self reliant) than a princess (waiting for someone to do for me!)
I dont date queens (now) and I will never date a princess.
My household is a republic just like my last household was.
no woman is special just because she was "born."
if your hot to the degree that every night I go out with you on my arm women suck their teeth at you and dudes pat me on the back (like what used to happen to me with miss may) then YES you can get away with alot more stuff and act like your fabulous. I have no problem with an egotistical woman as long as she actually IS worth it.
So If I take you out and a few dudes hit on you and nobody pats me on the back… sorry you cant act like a diva and you gotta put in work like anyone else.
a fat chick with no boobs wobbling on the stair master… and not even working out hard enough to work up a sweat… shouldnt be saying to a SBM how she is a princess.
@Nicki-I concur. I like the I can do it on my own mentality. I am sorry…I am so thrown by everything today until I cannot fathom this things on this blog. I mean…honestly are chicks in the gym that hard to believe? I go. Is it hard to believe there are down to earth chicks who don't just want a man for his money. I don't. I think most of the women on this blog can be self-reliant and still treat a man well.
Preach Jaclynn: I'm thrown also.. I go to the gym…. I don't want a man for his money… I'm fine by myself and have never asked for -ish. Certain men feel like they have to badger us with how much they have or how good they are… who are they trying to convince??? if you're so good ,we will see it. Continuing to remind us makes you irrelevant.
I'm a queen… I rely on myself… and probably because of men like this… if you let them in, they seem to throw in your face what they've done for you…. F' THAT. Just like a woman is not special because he is "born"… no man is special because of what he's got….
My head hurts… sick of hearing negativity about the "sistas" Dammit… not ALL OF US ARE LIKE THIS.
Thank you and pull around for your total.
excuse my grammatical errors and misspellings… long day at work at school and like d.L. hugely said, "I'm ti'ed, so so ti'ed." Goodnight all.
LMAO!!!! This post is so funny and true! I have friends that are exactly what you describe. We have been friends all our lives so I don't hold it against them. Somewhere around high school they got this mentality of' I am the shit'.I can't count how many times my guy friends have told me to tell them to calm that shit down before they would tell them.
It may be mean but some people are really like this. It makes you wonder like "WTF is wrong with them"? The chics I am talking about always talking about the dudes they have. Keep in mind these men look like they been hit with a dumpster, so it doesn't really count. I mean these are my homies and I love them to death but they just get out of hand with this sometimes. So I feel you SBM, I have been saying it for years…
I see there are alot of comments let me go and read your comment that way I can get a feel of what everyone is talking about.
@Teacia: I am sooooooo happy you had fun on your trip. Let me find out you falling in love with DC…lol I need to go visit and see what its like up there. I always hear good things about DC.
Did anybody watch Michelle Obama tonite? That lady is amazing I really like her representing black women so well.
Heeey Ms. D….yep falling in love with it, but not more than I love Florida.
….and Michelle Obama held it down.
Niki jaclyn. Amazing when I take what female posters say about black men and change the wording and post it back about women…. eh?
heres the difference.
If I generalize yall sistas I can back it up by pointing to women on this blog.
When you guys generalize us brothas…. you cant find a single man on this blog that fits the description.
Trust me Im tired of being compared to the angry black woman created dreams of black romance novels and I am more than tired of being blamed by the failures of our fathers and uncles.
Todays black man is todays black man… because its TODAY. a different generation. just like you guys are a far FAAAR cry from our grandmothers.
Hasani let it go…ur starting to sound like a broken record again…and we all know how that usually ends.
And negro PLEEEEEAAAASE get over yourself, because in all honesty are YOU ARE NOT HOT!!! No chic on this blog talks themself up as much as you do…damn a negro starts getting a little p*ssy and loses his damn mind…geesh.
…and I don't give a flying f*ck about who comes up to you and tries to holler…I'm starting to think the women up north are all blind…or desperate.
In the words of SBM:
Women hit on me = I am attractive
NNNNNOOOOOOOOT!!!
Thank you TEACIA!!!! Nuff said.
Teacia – Michelle held it down. I was so proud. Ladies there's a special tribute to all Black women here:
http://sheliagoss.com/2008/08/26/isnt-she-lovely/ Hope it inspires you all to have a nice day.
Im quite hot
dont kid yourself
Everyone should have standards. If a Guy approaches you on a Bicycle smelling like Swisher Sweets a woman has a right to turn him down-especially if his clothes is filthy and his breath stinks. If you find out that a man has 8 baby mamas, working a part-time job-but not in school, you should be able to tun him down without feeling guilty.
If someone is physically unattractive, you think that they should just sit back and cry. If someone has a nasty attitude, I don't care how good they look, you are not going to be able to deal with them for too long. I hate when men get bitter when a woman does not want to approach them.
I use to be overweight; back then I felt that I was not good enough for any guy. I remember my older sister told me that the type of guys that I am attracted to-nice looking guys, don't like big women, I cried my eyes out that day-this was when I was overweight. I am a beautiful woman inside and out-that is what men like.
Look at Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri-He got her because he charmed her. Look at Denzel's wife-she is not the typical standard of beauty in the black community(light skin, light eyes, and "good hair", with a horse butt, and a pencil sized waist). I personally think that she is beautiful, but many of our people(black people) don't.
There are some people who feel that dark skinned black women should feel honored when a successful and or nice looking brotha wants to date them. I am not dark skinned but I am just saying. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, everyone has different standards of beauty, just because it is not yours, does not mean that it is wrong.
Is it HSA if both men AND women hit on you?