Love us or Hate us … the black dating pool is filled with members of Black Greek Letter Organizations (BGLOs) and it’s not going to change.
I am a member of the Oldest, Boldest, and Coldest (in addition to first) of the BGLOs … Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. … so I can speak on the subject.
This little fact has had a great impact on my dating life … positive and negative. In some cases it has played a role in the demise my potential relationships, in other cases it became one of the only reasons me and the other person continued to interact. I personally don’t let it affect my ultimate decision about a person … but that’s me. Some people feel just as strongly about my affiliation as I feel about women who voted for George W. Bush (*shivers*).
The feelings toward dating and BGLOs can be summed up as such …
- They don’t care.
- They hate those who made the decision to join a BGLO.
- They have strong preferences over which organization you joined (e.g. I love me some Sexy & Smart Alphas, but can’t stand them arrogant Kappas)
- They prefer someone who joined a BGLO … anyone.
- They are ride or die committed to marrying someone from their Brother/Sister Organization (I can’t stand these people. Got two line brothers like this).
**Note** These still apply whether or not you are a member of a BGLO yourself of not.
Where do I fall in all of this? Well …I have slight preferences but not strong ones. I know some people are going to be mad … but I sure do love me a Delta women. My dating history has shown that they are all crazy (ALL OF THEM!) … but I just can’t stay away. Sorry Sorors …
Several times I have “earned points” for being an Alpha … while, on the other hand, one person directly told me “If we get married you will have to give up your letters”.
WTF
People … “Why So Serious?”.
I will say I can’t stand people who are ignorant of the personal importance these organizations hold to us members. You should not date or not date me because of my affiliation. I was a good person before I joined and I am still a good man (although a bit more Ice Cold) afterward.
There is one valid reason I see for really being hard set on a preference … just one. That is … to avoid dealing with the ignorance. One person demanded that I tell her my frat’s secrets and show her the handshake. If I could bottle the “B*tch you must be dumb & crazy” look that I gave her … it would truly be something to behold. Having to explain why you did it, why your active, and why my car will always be black can be annoying … just like when I explained to my white college roommate about the “stocking” I wore on my head and what waves were.
That being said … know that a Greek Affiliation will not protect you from the following dating pitfalls
- The Selfish B*tch
- The No-Good N***a
- The Chronic Cheater
- The Dumb as Rocks Bimbo/Mimbo
- The Super Arrogant Sumb*tch
- The “I don’t give Head” Anomaly (They need to be exterminated BTW)
- The Drama Queen
- The Incarnation of Pure Evil Brimming with “Black Goo“
So if your a BGLO member, shout out your Org. If you really think those sterotypes are going to ensure happiness, let me know. And if you want to just reiterate why Alpha’s are great … don’t let me stop you!
But I gotta say it again … I sure do love me a Delta (and their still crazy).
Good Morning! Let me first say… I am NOT greek. However, my sister is a Delta and 80% of my family and closest friends are greeks. Heck, I even play flag football with a team of Que Dogs and Deltas. This being said… I have seen a lot and also have dated my share of greeks. I don't think it really matters if someone pledged a particular greek organization (although I love myself some Alpha men too, lol)… I was never really caught up on the "OOooo you're a what?" syndrome. A couple of guys on my football team prefer to only date greek women… they feel the women in greek organizations understand them better… go figure.
To each his or her own.
I'm a non-Greek currently dating a Greek (Kappa), an I'll admit it has taken getting some used to. This has mostly come in the form of the amount of time he dedicates to the organization, and conversely the amount of time he DOESN'T have to spend with me ("Step show practice AGAIN???"). I've had to accept that wanting to spend that much time with a bunch of guys rather than with me (cuz I'm pretty freaking awesome) is not suspect in this context. I'm getting better, but it still frustrates me sometimes.
@ Anesidora – LMAO @ "I’ve had to accept that wanting to spend that much time with a bunch of guys rather than with me (cuz I’m pretty freaking awesome) is not suspect in this context."
Yeah, I would have thought it was suspect too (lol). But step practice is no joke for greeks… they have to get every step right and make sure they always look good doing it.
I think the older you get the less you really care about who you date re their BGLO affliation. I'm not greek. But I had thought previously about a grad chapter. I went to college where the only sisterhood they cared about was the universal one of traveling pants headed by the late Betty Friedan.
I will say this, I usually don't ask a lot of "secret society" questions if I am dating a greek. With the exception of a guy I once dated who was a Que AND a mason. I was more intrigued by what goes on in the SHRINE. I've heard some stories that involved dead people (thats all i'll say). And I wouldn;t let dude sleep one night. I wanted the run down.
I do sometimes wonder about men who need to be greeks, masons, boyscout alums, band greek, honor society greek, 5%'ers ALL AT THE SAME TIME etc. etc… i mean what and who are YOU really looking for.
Good Morning Everyone,
I have never dated a woman in a sorority so I can't comment on that. But my cousin is a Zeta and I have friends that are Sigmas. I also have been freinds with a few girls in sororities. I've met the women that only date greek or the women who have no life outside the sorority. I think location matters too. My cousin is from the West Coast and did not go to a black school so I think her relationship with her sorority may be different than those that went to a black school. I have met some of her sorority sisters were pretty cool. My friends that are Sigmas are cool too. They have a life outside of the fraternity.
Hey Everyone!
I'm not Greek and I think the infatuation with Greek or dating somone in a particular organization occured leaving high school/entering colleges. I have a couple of friends that are, Delta, AKAs, and I dated a Kappa. The turn off was that he was over 30 and still so involved (thus taking EXCESSIVE time away from me.)
I really don't care what group he is involved in…. as long as he's putting in his time over here.
And my girls are my girls, no matter what.
I'm not greek, however I am an Eastern Star and I never discuss it with "outsiders".
I am however partial to Alpha men, I love them to death, to the point that I wouldn't even mind a black and gold wedding…actually just about every recent ex I have is an Alpha man…oh well, maybe I should try dating Que's or something.
But I also must admit that I have to marry a Mason, there's no exceptions…it's law in my chapter, and I'm all for it…gotta have a man who's equally yoked ya know…thank goodness there are Masons everywhere!!
Well…I'm non-greek…thought about joining a grad chapter…still thinking about it actually. I've dated many greek men and it's not biggie to me. I will say, I am somehow usually attracted to Alphas. Not that it's something I seek up front, but there is definitely a pattern that the men I'm attracted to end up being Alphas. I've dated only one Que (and boy oh boy did he REPRESENT…DAYUM!).
@SBM: did she seriously demand to learn the handshake? Um, did she go to college AT ALL? I'm just saying, respect the sanctity of the organization, geez!
Okay, I'm off to get work done for real today ya'll…see ya after 12 at which time I'll update you all on what happened with ole dude
@ Teacia – I hear that the Masons and Easterns Stars are similar to a cult like organization. Why do you think your organization has gotten this "reputation"? I don't know much about masons, so I'm totally ignorant to the organization.
It seems when I was going to SU, I was attracted to Alphas but if I dated a guy from LSU, he always ended up beng a Que Dog…as I've gotten older, the Greek affiliations varied.
I'm not in a Greek but had thought about going grad chapter. The older I got though, it didn't seem as important so I never did although my Delta friends keep telling me it's not too late.
I don't have an issue dating a non-Greek (since I'm one myself) but if the guy has never heard of Alphas, Kappas, etc then I might look at him a little strange. That's just like him not knowing who the presidential candidates were this year. I would think he's not open enough to learn about things outside of his "immediate" little world.
"They prefer someone who joined a BGLO … anyone"
I've met women like this. I don't get it. I kind of find this among people that went to school. I see it more from women than men. I have seen situations where the same women and men get recycled amongst the same people.
Wow. I am not Greek at all, but I'm always getting mistaken for an AKA. It's weird I don't get it.
Now throughout undergrad I was pretty damned tight with an Alpha and his line brothers. This arrangement apparently worked well because I had pretty friends and I think he dated all of them (much to his girlfriend's dismay). Now…let's see I don't think I've dated an Alpha, but I'm partial…which is maybe why I have been graced with about 4 Kappas, 3 Ques and 1 Sigma..no, no 2. Yep. It's all two much.
@Teacia-Do the Que thing if you want to. I'm personally afraid of them.
And could you explain this Eastern Star/Mason thing? I don't understand it either.
@Freckles: "I don’t know much about masons, so I’m totally ignorant to the organization."
…this is why…people assume when they don't know. Our group is a spiritual organization and we whole-heartedly believe in God. It's not a cult in the negative connotation society has assigned to the word, but ALL religious groups are cults when using the actual and true definition of the word. And this is the OLDEST organization known to man.
cult: a particular system of religious worship, esp. with reference to its rites and ceremonies.
a group having a sacred ideology and a set of rites centering around their sacred symbols.
There are different degrees to the organization and the higher up you are the more privy you are to certain information. All my life I was destined to be a star and my light shines so bright…lol…and that is all I will say about it.
@Jaclynn: I've "done" a Que or two…just never dated one…and yes they holds it DOWN…be very very afraid!! I have found that Alphas are more affectionate about theirs, but the Ques…oh lawd have mercy…they hold no bars.
I have never dated greek. They seem like they would be all into themselves more than anything else. However my family is apart of the Shriner/Mason/Eastern Star organization. Like Teacia said you have to keep with the laws and marry within….thats why I chose not to enlist. I dated a mason before and let me tell ya, that brotha was so into making the next level he didnt even notice I was leavin is ass.
If it boils down to dating someone who is a part of any kind of organization, I prefer a military man! sumthin bout those clean pressed uniforms and manners. dayum!
Why So's thoughts on greeks:
Your letters should enhance you; not define you. If you weren't shit before you got in, joining won't solve the problem.
I know greeks that are the coolest people in the world, that would probably take a bullet for you- greek or not. If you were a good person before you joined, and remained a good person, then I still have a friend. There are some people who's orgs have made them better people and they in return make their org better.
i also have [so called] friends who've crossed and you never see them again. It happens. Better that it happen now than when we're involved in a tight situation [re: gang shootout lol] and you find out your friend isn't really who you thought….
there's also the guy/girl who was a total spazzz before they got in, and think they're hot grits cause they rep a certain org. It's cool. As long as you don't cross me with that booooollllsheett, I won't fully embarass you in front of everyone. Oh trust me, I will say what everyone thinks, but wont say. I hunt pink elephants.
Oh, and the "why so serious" reference….bravissimo
truly yours,
y. sew. sirius
@Indiana-Whew girl…I was waiting on someone else to bring it up. When I was in church yesterday he was talking about the Marines having the slogan "a few good men". He started talking about the dress blues and pressed uniforms and I started thinking about my Marine lover from over the summer. Started liking his lying ass all over again. Military men are just great.
@Teacia-So about this marrying within thing…what happens if you don't?
ME PHI ME!
I'm a member of DST, and yes, most of the men I have dated have been a member of a BGLO as well. I wouldn't say it's a preference but in the circle I run in, it's pretty common to interact with each other. I will say that those who were not in a BGLO, either questioned my reasons or like you said SBM, it didn't impact them at all. For some reason, I do have a soft spot of those Ice Cold Brothers!
Ohhh and you can forget about them being in a BGLO and the military (Marines/Airforce especially..lol)…IT"S OVER!
@Teacia..LOL @ 'no holds barred'….hence why I stay away from them..lol!
@Indiana: girl I dated a military man who was an Alpha and a Mason…and lawd chile…ummm yeah.
@Jaclynn: It's not an option….nor is it a preference….of mine that is…I want a Mason man.
Ohhh…
And we are NOT crazy! Well scratch that….I'm not crazy..lol
btw.
I like the reference that Why So made regarding an organization enhancing you. My father is a good person and when he became a Mason, he definitely became a better man.
I also fear what I don't understand. I know enough about masons/eastern stars to not ask too many questions. However, if it's as spiritual as referenced to, I'm willing to whip out my study Bible. Should I start with 2 Samuels, 2 Kings, 1 & 2 Chronicles?
@Teacia-I know you is stubborn and will obey the rules…but I mean what if someone else doesn't marry within? Do you they kick you out?
@Neonnea: LOL…we study bible heroines and their virtues in the Eastern Stars…so start there…my heroine's virture is the "endurance of persecution"…go figure.
@Jaclynn: no, but it does make the relationship harder since you're supposed to forsake all for your spouse and if they're not affiliated it just makes things very tough…you have to keep secrets and you can't discuss meetings…so unless they're not the type who care you're going to eventually be met with opposition.
@Teacia post #21- Thank goodness you survived hon-ney! My dad is a mason and sometimes I just cant deal, but I love em though.
@ Jaclynn post #24- My grandparents were Mason and Eastern Star. From the stories they were allowed to tell, my grandmother said they told her 'politely' she was going to be an Eastern Star or she needed to keep it moving. I think mainly its for balance… that whole equal yoke thing ya know.
Wow…seems like it would be helpful in bonding you even further!
That term "equally yoked" is pretty powerful to me. I don't feel a newly adopted title makes the union between husband and wife complete.
@Neonnea-Yeah, but I think it makes where you can share more things with your mate. What is a marriage when you have to hold things from your mate?
@Neonnea: It's not just a title, it's a life choice and there are certain expectations and duties associated with it…if it's not something you're interested in you're entitled and no one counts it against your character or anything like that…just know that you may lose your mate because of it…we're pretty hard core on marrying within. It's a sisterhood and brotherhood like no other, and it spans across all greek lines, and even those of race. I literally have gotten out of tickets because of my car emblems.
@Jaclynn: definitely
I really think the evenly yolked thing is important. If you are not regardless of whether it is an organizational bounding or religion or whatever I think it makes things easier. It's like being a Christian and preferring to marry a Christian or one of us wanting to marry black.
True story: We were going to a friend's big family barbecue in southern Georgia last summer, I was with one of my sister elders(she's not old) but we got lost. So of course we're speeding since no one else was on the road when we get pulled over by this old red neck sheriff…that man even called us "gal" when asking where we were going. Okay so at this point I'm scared shitless…she notices his ring and says a few things…he then leads us lights blazing(with no cars on the road mind you) to the barbecue. Our friend is not in the organization and was in total disbelief that their racist sheriff escorted us to the barbecue.
….it has its perks.
@Teacia: DANG IT (trying to stop cursing)!!!! Where do I sign up??? LOL.
2B1ASK1
Got it!
Morning All
I would feel like a total outsider dating a greek
At HU (the real one..howard…wait..i really dont care about that anymore)
Anyhoo…my cousin was a delta…and she had a lot of lil delta friends (actually all of them were) and I couldn't even be myself….we were at a club..and I was gettin it..and they all stopped abrubtly sayin "stop dancing…our older soror is here"..I was like WTF that gotta do with me
..they were like "but you with us..stop"
WTF????
I feel so out of the loop with them..i couldn't relate..etc
I dont think I could date a greek..
I dont really understand …wait..I do….people join greeks to belong to something exclusive and that makes them feel "special"…its crap about it being about helpin the community….(no offense greeks)
but…I will respect it….in the sense that..hey..thats your vice…do you
but ion know if greek would even WANT to date me….Im not "bougie" enough..or Trophy wife enough
Im just..well true2me
lol
LOL @ NEONNA
I agree with Indiana….
Most greek men I have met are super arrogant….simply because they are greek
Again, not trying to judge, just trying to understand. I've heard similar true stories…
And Jaclynn, that is true. Christians preferring Christians is definitely an excellent comparison. If the couple isn't on the same page, I've seen how the lack of common interest, especially religious belief/practices, can lead to a household of strangers.
IndianaJ shared a story about her grandmother having to become one in order to marry. 1) I'm sure she did it for the man she loved 2) I hope she took the affiliation seriously.
equally yoked….meh
what does that mean? Just because someone isn't Christian or doesn't have a degree doesn't mean they won't a great mate for you….
She might have dropped out of school to start a successful business, or be the most Bible studying non-church going woman alive….but if we're not equally yoked, she's fried liver?
Everyone grows different. Missing out on a person because of a title, or a position, or where they are in their lives at the current point is questionable. If you see the potential for growth, or a good person, I don't think it should be a dealbreaker.
OOH..I WOULDN'T HAVE TO MARRY A XTIAN….IM NOT REALLY EVEN XTIAN MYSELF..I LOVE CHURCH, THE BIBLE ..ETC
BUT I COULD MARRY A MUSLIM OR ATHIEST..
I CAN SEE THE LOVELY DEBATES AND THEN THE HEATED ….NEVERMIND..LOL
ION KNOW..IM KINDA WEIRD LIKE THAT
My take:
I date Greek and non-greeks. A lot of greeks prefer to date someone who is greek and some just shun greek women. I guess to each his own. My take on the different frats:
Alphas: Husband Material
Ques: Put you up against the wall and put it DOWN! (but the next week your bff might be up against that very same wall
Kappas: The best lollies EVER .. their skills with the foreplay are AMAZING. I think they wrote a how-to guide on it.
Sigmas and Iotas: WHO YOU? Who they? Never been there.. not my type.
Masons: Good men. Good fathers. Good people with a lil bit of PUT YOU UP AGAINST THE WALLNESS!
HMMMM
Thank you for elaborating Teacia. I think I follow you now. People consider it a underground society… but it can't be underground because their public about their organization.
ROTFLMAO @ Jolie!!!
"Good people with a lil bit of PUT YOU UP AGAINST THE WALLNESS!"
@ Jolie…wow…this makes fred flinestone sound sexy LOL…. thnks for the lalah post.
@Jolie: Why do you think they call them NUPE!!…lol
@Freckles: No problem, it's really a great organization…Masons are taught to be REAL men, you don't find very many who don't take care of their responsibilities…in fact I don't know any. They take the Bible seriously and their duty to community as well…man I loves me a Mason…now if I can only find an Alpha Mason.
@jolie-speak on it. Thought one of the Sigmas no all of them felt their shit was a service.
I think you need some degree of "yokedness". If he worships the devil…me being a christian is not going to work. If he's a fundalmentalist…he may be looking at me crazy when Im tryna bring in wind chimes to balance our home's chi. I think you need some yokedness. Thats what makes people compatible.
Why so serious – "equally yoked/unequally yoked" is a serious topic. I can't say it like my pastor said it because he broke it down. I can refer you to a scripture 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" which translates to "Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?"
@shelia: and the chuuch said AMEN! It is so true. I tried to date someone who said they were spiritual but not religious. It didnt work. His pessimism and the fact that he had NO FAITH in anything was the demise of the whole thing! Plus he was pear shaped. but the God thing I couldnt get over
hmmmm…..interesting topics here
@Jolie: He had mom hips…lol…pear shape…i knew a man like that…it was so weird, he looked like a chic from behind…my friend dated him, i laughed everytime i saw him.
I am rolling over here laughing at the pear shaped. This has to be so funny! And it's gross…
And did Teacia say Mom hips???? I can't take it.
@teacia: yeah I tried to be openminded but there are just something I cant get over. PEARNESS and unGodliness are two of them oh and uh ..small members! I mean what do you do when you see or touch a small peter.. I fake sick .. or I randomly have to go .. or somehow I manage to get away. I so dont believe in its about the motion in the ocean and not size that matters. If I'm swimming in a kiddie pool it matters! No small peters, no pear shaped men and no unGodly characters.
Mom hips–like that episode of Girlfriends?! LMAO!!!
Back on topic, I'm not a member of a BGLO and I don't generally care whether or not a guy I date is. I have to admit, though, that Ques have a special place in my heart–my favorite uncle was one (RIP Uncle GB). But after this post and all the responses, I might just have to give an Alpha a shot! LOL!
hahhaa no i wasn't talking about wickedness or dark….I'm not going to say that because you're a Muslim or Buddhist that you're wicked. It is only God's place to determine that.
Could I date someone that was say…a Buddhist? Possibly. That person might be more "righteous" or a more devout practicer than I…and maybe be able to provide a constructive viewpoint or present something that challenges my view of Christianity, making it stronger.
Or what if I dated someone "equally yoked" in the fact that both of us were Christians…yet she was the most blunt-drinking, liquor-smoking, "dont stop get it get it" skrippa that simply went through the Christian motions?
Who would be more "equally yoked" in that case….the Buddhist or the Christian Luke dancer?
[I truly appreciate this talk and all of your opionions
]
WELLL!!!
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a virtual buddy about being affiliated with a greek organization. The reason the topic came about was because an associate of mine is a die hard AKA. Her transition from point wherever to Cincinnati seem to be smoother than mine (ME PHI ME). She hasn't been in the area more than 2 months and know more than I've learned in about a year. Aside from the fact that she breaths pink and green, I found myself someone envious of the networking advantage that she has. The "hater" in me defined these sisterhoods and brotherhoods as superficial but in reality, I would appreciate having that "grandfathered" social system.
So has anyone dated the military kind. Dont count these brothas out. They also are very respectable men. A good Marine or Army boy. mmmmhmmm. They can clean the hell out some stuff and lays it down in the bedroom with force!… down side to these boys is that they are the quite type. which can be bad sometimes
Christian Luke dancer. I like the way you are challenging that "equal yoke" concept Why So
I would say that the gospel skrippa would be compatible/equally yoked with a reforming gangsta (puff puff). I don't know…
When I think of the term equally yoked, I think of people who share common goals and are capable of growing together. If developing and raising one's family is the most important thing on partner A objectives then I don't think partner B's self absorbed, free spirited, career driven objectives would mesh well. Generally speaking.
Seems as though most people on here are non-greek. I'm actually surprised. When I was in college, I really didn't care for greek men because I felt like some of them where lame as F before, and as soon as they got some letters on their backs, they started smelling themselves. I have always and always will be an advocate of a person that's tight with or without the letters. If you were whack before, 9 times out of 10 you're still whack. To all my bruhs, sorry, I don't care for most Ques either. They're just TOO much all the time!! And "no, I will not be all up on you or allow you to be all up on me just because you're an Omega. Move around!!"
On another note, I can't stand people who hate on the greeks, but secretly wanna be them! Ah, those are the worst ones! Can anyone attest to that?
If I had to date a greek man, I wouldn't care what organization he is in, but I would definitely want to see him involved in his alumni chapter. I saw some of you mention that you didn't understand why they are so involved. Its about commitment. Membership into these organizations are lifetime commitments, not just undergrad. If at no point after undergrad am I involved in my organization, that says something about me and the reason for which I joined. I went to a BIG white school, so our lines were small and thus selective. It was way nore than a popularity contest. It was about what you did on and off campus, in AND out of the black community, and most importantly, how you performed in the classroom. I have obviously gone off on a tangent somewhat, but if my man was greek, I would definitely want to see him involved long after college.
Also, in regard to time commitment, when I was in college, it was easier for a greek man or an athlete (who I mostly dated) to understand my commitments outside of him and I. People who don't live by schedules and time frames and deadlines just don't get it sometimes. I can't just sit around koolaidin' with you all day, I have stuff to do!
Shout out to any of my sorors reading!
@Neonnea: Yeah I know what you mean, I don't belong to any greek orgs, but when I moved to Tampa I fell into my organization and it made my transition that much smoother. I mean literally I knew half the city within 6 months just because of it and actually thought of running for county commissioner just because of my affiliated org's foundation…it actually is a networking phenom.
I know the same goes for Greeks…I do have friends who are Delta's and other such greeks, and whenever the move somewhere it's easy for them to transition as well.
@SBM: My coment from 11:36 am is still in moderation. Help me out please kind sir!
Please let's not hit the miltary topic. I have not been with a miltary man but I have a very good boy(girl)friend who introduced me to so many undercover/downlow brothers, it's been devastating to my mental health…
@Neonnea – I agree the networking those groups have is amazing.
@why so serious – Cosign. I couldn't have said it better myself. It's crazy how you always say the same thing I am about to or am thinking.
so neonna, the skrippa would be a better choice?
I wonder how many people are in unfulfilling relationships because the person who made them happy wasn't "equally yoked" at the time. Notice I say "at the time" cause if you have a good mate, they'll have SOME kind of effect on you….
I am asking this, cause this is happening in real life to my friend. He isn't the most religious person, but he has a heart made of grade-A solid gold. Regardless of religion, this is the guy you want your corner…I know first hand. He's thousands of times better for her than the d-bags she dates in church, but she pulled out the "equally yoked" argument a couple months after they went out. Sadness ensues.
***puts navigation system back to topic***
I love military men!
@neonnea: say it aint so! down low bruhs in the military … sigh. I mean i knew it was possible but you just cosigned..
sigh……
Hey, I'm not greek but I have deadlines and time commitments. I've tried to get acclimated to the area by attending various supply chain mgmt meetings. My current assignment runs on a strick time line….but I love koolaid. Good ai..D can help you improve in your multitasking skills.
I cant wait all day for you SBM)
Pear shaped man…I had one once..he was so feminine looking I'd just stare…but he was…
Ey..I found a new blog last night about the life of a down low brother.
back to topic
I think if someone has a generous spirit I could count the in if they don't go to church BUT I once tried to date an atheist…yeah it couldn't work
I like koolaid too!!! F it, I LOVE koolaid!! But time outside of my job is not strictly for socializing. I have so much other stuff going on, and sometimes men who have never operated with a lot on their plate at one time kinda don't understand that. That's the point I was making.
@Why So: Are you something like a pimp? If so, this may be a match made in…
Myself and Humble once mentioned that you have to be happy with your own self. Depending on someone else to "make you happy" is dangerous. Perhaps she want Mr. Grade A to find that same religious path that she will fine ideal for the man leading their household because she see his potential and know that with God's strength between their union, their "struggles" will be easier (if marriage is one of those discussions that has come up).
Now, if she messing with one of these Christian hood ninjas just because they in church every Sunday, then she need to revise her check list for "Mr. Right" and stop being technical.
Renegade girl are u off today or did you just find a way around the system…I thought we lost you in the daytime…welcome back!!
Jaclynn…pre tell, I want to read his blog…I'm sure it's very entertaining.
I am a member of AKA and I have dated my far share of BGLO men however I do have a thing for military men. My aunts are either AKA or DST however my uncles are military or non-greek. I am currently dating a Marine I love to see him in his uniform( and out).
It it difficult to date anyone in the military, you have to deal with long deployments and moving to different duty stations. If you can't deal with being separated for long periods of time than it's not something that I would suggest.
@TheRenegade
"sometimes men who have never operated with a lot on their plate at one time kinda don’t understand that. That’s the point I was making."
I didn't know there were men like that. I though that was something only us men dealt with.
Hello All,
I am not in a sorority, mainly because I use to think it was really corny. However, later I wanted to join Deltas after learning some things about them. Now I just can't imagine doing it at this point in my life. I do like Alphas because most of my cousins are Alphas. As far as Mason and Eastern Star thats another subject. But haven't really dated many frat men. I know a gang of Masons though and have some in my family.
Well off to my busy day… I will catch up with you all sometime tonight when everyone else is gone to sleep. =(
ok..i stopped back by in the midst of my busy day of non-billable work (*SIgh* i better get credit for all these "special projects" my boss has me working on when it comes time for bonuses) just to give u folks an update on my weekend flirtation project.
I gotta tell ya…Im not sure it went that well, but you be the judge
I got all casual cute and went by the sales office/model home under the guise of taking pictures. He was on the phone when i walked in so I helped myself to the tour and walked around taking pics. He got off the phone and joined me, remembered who I was, asked me some quesitons about when I wanted to move, mentioned he hadn't seen me in the gym and demonstrated that he remembered i was about to buy a new car the last time i was there. We got into a convo about nothing in particular during which I smiled and batted my eyes like any suthern belle would do. Everytime I motioned to leave he seemed to come up with a new question to prolong our convo (at least thats the impression i was getting) and before i finally left he said he wanted to make sure he followed up with me and took my contact info again since it wasn't in his computer. I finally left with no personal request for my time or attention and not really knowing how to assess our interaction. He was really nice and personable, but aren't salespeople supposed to be? I considered stopping back by to say something cute but didn't want to look like I had no life other than pestering him. Instead I sent him an email saying "I wasn't completely honest with you earlier, when I stopped by under the guise of taking pictures, I also stopped by to flirt with you a little. I hope that's not frowned upon behavior. I think you're very attractive and thought I'd let you know. Enjoy your afternoon" He responed "LOL I didn't think you were there long enough to take many pictures. Thanks for the compliment. Maybe we can do lunch or something next week" I responded with "Lunch 'or something' sounds good, let me know when would be good for you". That was it. This all went down Saturday.
The reason I feel lukewarm about the whole thing is b/c if he were really interested about it, he would've asked if he could call me or tried to book a date instead of the ambiguous "maybe we can do something next week"…remember the episode of sex in the city when Berger told Miranda "if we're interested, we're booking the date"…maybe I'm overthinking…I am a girl, it's possible, lol
What ya'll think?
on topic…my dad and both my brothers have been in the military…i'm not that fond of military men, most of the ones i've knnown have been sort of…weird and socially awkward
@Teacia -http://thedailylifeofadownlowmale.blogspot.com/
@Teacia-I just read the two posts that are there. I swear this is starting be an epidemic. I still feel that one of my exes is on the down-low wanting people to put it in his a$s and stuff.
This topic is GREAT!! Being that I'm on a college campus the yard is brimming with all types of greeks even non divnine 9 ones, some of my closest friends are alphas and i think they would be great dating material if they weren't still in the college mindset of trying to see if they can eff everything that moves. I have no problem with greek orgs my mother was an alpha angel(not a groupie!..well i at least hope not), and i have uncles who are sigmas and ques i feel that being involved after colleges shows that people who did join really saw what they org did as a whole not just for the letters and the limelight. I wouldnt date someone just because they were greek and to be perfectly honest i do have prefrences (my 2 of my friends told me a que licked them at 2 different parties..turn OFF) but just becuase someone was a member of an org that i wasnt particularly fond of i wouldnt shut them down completely, an org should be just another aspect of who you are not the the sum of all parts.
@Bree: I think that you did it the right way… I don't have the b-zalls to come clean but you did (way to work that grown woman out!)
Good job at putting it back into hands… if he wants to "actually set up a time," now he has to play that card. I wouldn't contact him again…. now, it's just wait and see….
@Bree- alright girl. way to follow up with the email. Sounds like somethin i would do. lol. You should do lunch so u can ask all the questions that never seem appropriate to ask when you first meet someone. Just so you dont waste your time or his
I know I'm gonna get tomatos thrown at me, but Berger aka Greg Behrendt's writer… is right. In my opinion (not Greg's btw) if he doesnt contact you in the next day or so (for me it would be EOD today) you haven't set off any major alarms. that "maybe" stuff is too open. The other problem is that some men are used to being pursued, im not saying that he is, but some men like for you to work for them. this is a total turn off to me.
@Jaclynn: wow, doll. Definitely been there!!!!
And that epidemic is enough to get me into orange jumpsuits… but that is another blog, another day.
@bree: I think your overthinking it. Us girls read too much into words and text-based communication sometimes. Good job on going after what you want though.
@Nicki-Girl you ain't lying. I'll be in cell block 1 should I have to deal with it again.
@Bree-Good going. He'll e-mail he might be on some of this new stuff.
@Comeback – I feel you word for word
@Jaclynn, Indiana, and Jolie – thanks…we shall see
I agree with Comeback. The fact that he did respond is a good thing. I also started thinking that maybe he didnt know if you were sending signals and didnt want to be inappropriate in the workplace and thats why he didnt jump at trying to persue you then. Lets see how the first date goes. Please update us Bree.
@Breelicious – I wish more women were proactive like you were with this guy. Don't take him not setting a date as him not being interested. He may have a woman or may be busy. If he doesn't communicate with you after a week or so then I would say he probably is too busy, not feeling you, or he has a woman.
@ Bree I'm sending good thoughts your way. You can help it by visualizing the intended outcome. See yourself on the date with him. And you did check for a marriage band??
"I wish more women were proactive"
I don't it takes lazy socially inept men completely off the hook. And makes the woo unatural. Im sorry.
@Comeback…ALWAYS checkin for a wedding band, lol. I refuse to knowingly mess with someone else's husband. (Barring divorce paper's in a judge's inbox, lol)
Well folks, I'll let you know if he emails back about this proposed "lunch or something", LMBO. Sorry to detract from the topic…carry on! LOL
I'm DST (shouts out to the BADST!) and my man is an Alpha. I have no preference in dating greek or non-greek. We are adults and things like that should not matter. I'm not in undergrad anymore but I miss the environment and running the yard @ fam
@true2Me: I'm not arrogant … well at least not because I'm an Alpha.
@Bree: Yes … she really wanted to know the secrets. She actually attempted to withhold "physical interactions" if I didn't tell her. *sigh* … so dumb
I realized that sounded rather harsh re socially inept men. However everyone has their role in the dance of the woo. Both people should be dancing the dance. One leads and one follows. One can't be seated getting while the other is humping their dance partner's lap. It needs to be balanced and measured.
Now we have talked about feminine men and masculine women. In this case its ok for her to pursue. As long as everyone knows their role and maintains it consistantly in the courtship process. Signals can't get crossed here. However most women like to be women.
I wrote a whole blog post about women needing to step up. I think what Bree did is a good thing because he didn't respond negative and it probably brightened his whole day. Furthermore, I don't think men are being lazy or socially inept, but men by nature are shyer and quieter than women. If we started giving men a little to go on then the woo might be more enhanced, especially if you meet him half way.
It's like going out to dinner with someone you've been dating for awhile and you never offer to pay. But you have to so that you can show that you bring more to the table than a pretty face, tits, and a vajayjay.
Go Bree go. Should we get a questionnaire going just in case he book a lunch date? I.e. Do you have a wife? (I know a salesman who is allergic to his wedding band and apparently his vows)
@sbm: present company excluded cause i dont know the ends and outs. but from the other women you have talked about that you dated.. they all seem well a little crazy. Where do you meet these broads!? You seem to have dated every stereotype there is for women. how old are you again ..? all this in how many years? slow down son. slow down
"but men by nature are shyer and quieter than women."
they are???
i think putting herself in the "right place" at her "right time" was empowering in and of itself. Women do do the choosing but in different ways. I never said not to pursue a man, it should be done differently. I know women who would have followed up with an email, a phone call and then showed up the next day.
@Jolie-Cracking up….tsk tsk SBM
@Comeback
"I don’t it takes lazy socially inept men completely off the hook"
I disagree. Women that dont step up limit themselves to who approaches them. I also think it kind of sets the tone of who you are dealing with. It can go two ways – 1. the woman feels that since she was approached he wants her so since he wants her he needs to jump through hoops and over mountains to get next to her. 2. The man and woman start of as equals. From what I seen only insecure men dont like to be approached by women.
Yeah i've never approached a man. Maybe I will make that my goal this week and then blog about it. I will bat my eyes, make eye contact and then strike up a convo. Hmm…thats my mission this week. I'm tired of staring contests that end in nothing. SIR, stop staring and say something! So I guess I will get my arss off the pot and speak…
But first, I need to take care of this ponytail I'm rocking and do my hair tonight..
@humble- I totally agree. when women turn the tables so to speak, it gives off a sense of cofidence and beauty that you dont normally see. If I think a guy is cute or he has something nice on, i'm gonna step to him and let him know. Its up to him to either say thank you and keep it movin or start a stimulating conversation
First of all..SBM I'd like to hear a response to Jolie's comment. It was a very good question worthy of a response. And please don't say the bootay is off the chain.
@ Humble "From what I seen only insecure men dont like to be approached by women."
My definition of approach is different. I think you can approach a man without "approaching" him. That is in fact how you end up with the man you want. and not just someone who wants you. Again it is a dance. Women and Men are equal but different in a romantic role definition, and successful men at the dating process get this. I don't really look at it as "him working overtime fo me". I look at is as him expressing interest enough to make me feel special. But again there are alot of men out here who want to compete with a woman's specialness. And its not cute.
@Humble-I agree. I think if a woman even slightly smells that a man really wants her she will make him go through all kinds of unnecessary jumps and bumps. I think it is sad that a woman will put a man through that because once you get him under those terms I feel that he might eventually go to resent you. It's like the man who wrote to Ms. D last week talking about his wife. He probably showed her how much he wanted her in the beginning and now he's stuck in this relationship putting out $50,000 a year in bills plus extra stuff to be nice and what's she doing NOTHING. So now we're back to being evenly yoked. If he's putting something out so should women, be it in the form of a hello, an e-mail, a phone call or paying for a meal.
@IndianaJones – What a lot of women dont get is that you get extra points for stepping up. Some men wont look at you the same way as somebody he had to run his usual game on.
"Maybe I will make that my goal this week and then blog about it. I will bat my eyes, make eye contact and then strike up a convo. Hmm…thats my mission this week. "
@ Jolie, please do..I think its a topic of confusion. Some people don't get that a woman can be just as direct using gestures as with her mouth as in "hey can I have your number". When the scales are balanced it works. When the man wants to be the woman, or isn't sure how to assert his maleness in the dance..then you have a problem when trying to get a feminine woman.
This is what I've been trying to tell our dearly departed resident poster, that its ok to be the feminine man but you can't get mad when your feminine approach doesn't work on a feminine woman. Stay in your masculine woman lane.
@Comeback
"I look at is as him expressing interest enough to make me feel special. "
As an adult the only person that should make you feel special is you. Anything else is a bonus. I got friends that make women feel special until they get tired of them or they get what they want out of them.
@Jolie: I am very interested in seeing how this goes… gosh, I wish we could do an experiment and put you on television for a week… I know it would help me.
@Comeback-You are the Queen of Self Love. I definitely think you should already feel special. No man should have to make you feel that way. Plus, Humble's right, if they go too far out of their way to make a woman feel special I would be a bit leery.
@Comeback
“I look at is as him expressing interest enough to make me feel special. ”
Humble you're preaching to the self-love choir. The woo is something entirely different. This isnt duty. You don't engage in meeting women just to feel like you do when you brush your teeth. People do the dance to get that special feeling. If you want to be devoid of said feelings then those men should just puruse a mail order bride catalog. that way you don't have to woo. You can feel the same way that you do when you take a shower.
@Comeback post #99 HAHAHAH…yyyeaaah, I don't mind be forward "to an extent" my bolder days were in college when no one (including me) really gave a dam.n but trust and believe that despite the urges, he won't hear from me again unless its in response to his contact. I'm can be forward but I for sure won't be desperate.
@Humble – I think for the most part you and Comeback are arguing the same point and just having difficulty coming together on the degree to which a women "steps" to a man. I'll tell you this, I will make it obvious that I'm interested by offering you a compliment or saying something cute/charming…sort of setting the stage to let you know your advances won't be refused. But I will, most likely, not ask for your number.
@SBM – I'm wondering the answer to the question as well…you have way too many stories about crazy people women
We need Why so to drop some of his knowledge on this topic. I'd like to warn him in advance to not disagree with me.
"@Comeback-You are the Queen of Self Love. I definitely think you should already feel special. No man should have to make you feel that way. Plus, Humble’s right, if they go too far out of their way to make a woman feel special I would be a bit leery."
@ Jaclynn I just read this. And I chuckled a little on the inside. But why can't we love ourselves and each other. LOL
Comeback-LOL @ mail order bride! But haven't they been coming over here and killing the men?
@all…my grammar sucks today, sorry!
it's cause men and women have different ways of saying "i like you"
A woman will tell you, very clearly, when she likes you. Except it's ALL indirect nonverbal communication…she plays with her hair, changes her posture, playfully touches, throws her head back and laughs [a signal for me to go in for the kill]
A guy tells you he likes you how? Directly verbal….asking for phone number, saying you look good, etc.
Some guys don't understand these signals. If you think a guy isn't picking up on the signals, it might be best to "speak his language" then let him know the signals coincide with your speak.
bree, you are a G, and you'll have a great lunch date.
@Breelicious – I agree with you and Comeback as far approaching without being direct. I am indifferent on asking for the number. Actually if you but yourself in the right position he will ask you. Nobody wants anybody that comes off as desparate.
Good job Why So
@ Humble:
"I am indifferent on asking for the number."
What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!
You guys are deep today and I'm freakin starving and I can't see past that…… DOGGONE (see Harvey from Celebrity fit club) weight loss….
You guys have a beautiful day.
Bree, you've pretty much let your intentions be known to him so if he doesn't bite now, drop the issue and move on.
i think stepping up can make you look easy
sorry..its an opinion
I used to "step up" and always got "stepped on" or gave the wrong impression and ended up having to cuss a few guys out…most men aren't mature enough to handle that or..they end up liking you only cause you were aggressive
if a guy is interested..they will show it..you should never have to "chase" a guy
If a dude doesn't willfully step up to you..then he is in a relationship or not interested
however..if you step to him….he gon keep you in the back pocket as an option cause you seem "desperate" or "easy" or "open" and if he has a girl or isn't really that interested, you can be that call on his boring days..u are back up
dont sell yourself short
u put yourself in the situation..and he didn't come at you…he's probably just not that into you
*agrees with humbleone*
@Comeback
"What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!"
Why is that so surprising?
"I got friends that make women feel special until they get tired of them or they get what they want out of them."
Humble One you've touched on something there. Just because a man buys you things or showers you with praise, doesn't mean they want the same thing as you do. They may be doing those things with only opposite goals in mind and that's to get your guard down so they can get whatever it is they want from you–be in sex or whatever.
"Why is that so surprising?"
@ Hum when I activated my third eye, it told me that this means that if you aren't given the number, you don't get the number. Indifferent my @zz.
@ Shelia, men's objective is to ALWAYS hit it. Flowers, candy, peppermint, a stick of gum…it doesn't matter really. If you got booty to give a man will take it (even when he thought he had good intentions). However the woman is supposed to navigate the situation to higher ground.
@ true i don't think you and Hum are saying the same thing.
oh well humble if im not sayin the same thing..my bad
and yes..men will be nice to get the drawers..like, men will even say they love you to get the drawers
"@Breelicious – I agree with you and Comeback as far approaching without being direct. I am indifferent on asking for the number. Actually if you but yourself in the right position he will ask you. Nobody wants anybody that comes off as desparate."
Im in agreement with this
if she put herself in the right position..and he dont ask her for her digits…then he's not interested IMO
Comeback
"when I activated my third eye, it told me that this means that if you aren’t given the number, you don’t get the number."
lol. No, when I said indifferent I meant that I dont mind or see anything wrong with giving my number if she asked for it. Some men do have a problem with it. I have given and exchanged phone numbers. But of course I am usually the one who asks for the number. Most women don't approach men and ask for their phone number so naturally I usually ask for the number.
Man I take a mid afternoon Monday nap and I come back to 70 comments…oh well, i guess that's how yall do it around here.
@Jolie: don't exclude present company, i'm just as crazy as the rest…just not wreckless with mine. but let's consider the source, every man makes their exes sound super crazy…sorry but SBM is still just a man.
@Bree: way to go chica, you're a bit different than me, if i had gone all the way down there it would not have been under any guise, i would have just walked in slipped him my number w/o any interaction and walked out with a shot of that killer smile and a "have a nice day mister"…but i feel your steelo though. good luck with this one, we know the men in the A' are used to be chased, so don't email his tail anymore.
@Jaclynn: thanks, i'm gonna check it out later tonight.
@SBM: yeah even i think that's a bit much, organizational secrets are just that….*sigh* the nerve of some people.
@everyone: yall are doing the most today, well i gotta get up and get ready for class…later.
@ The Comeback Girl – "However the woman is supposed to navigate the situation to higher ground" and you know sometimes that's a challenge. Isn't dating fun?
@ Humble my 3rd eye said you needed more people. But my other two eyes believe you.
Namaste.
awww come on, we gotta get more credit than that…
it's not our main objective to hit it….we're looking for cool girls just like yall are looking for cool guys. It just naturally escalates to that situation. Let yall meet a guy a guy that sweeps you off your feet, and see how quick you want to give up the drawzz.
again, it's just different criteria. Our main requirements for sex? Woman with a heartbeat. A woman's requirements? gaming, dancing, wining, dining, excitement, and comfort.
wait, weren't we talkin about greek love?
@whyso-DAMN! Sometimes your wisdom is amazing. You know I find with myself I admit right off the bat a little flirtatiousness, some game, and I'll just take the panties off and hand them to you. Sorry girls can't help myself. Furthermore, yes a man just needs a vagina and a chest that's rising and falling. Women…well we need to have flowers, bubbles, candles, etc.
And yeah, it was Greek love now we're onto…
@whyso:
greek love=black love
we are on topic just a little off at the same time!
but right about now i could use some que loving! that break ya back kinda loving …
@true2me
"If a dude doesn’t willfully step up to you..then he is in a relationship or not interested
however..if you step to him….he gon keep you in the back pocket as an option cause you seem “desperate” or “easy” or “open” and if he has a girl or isn’t really that interested, you can be that call on his boring days..u are back up "
No disrespect but if your experience is that bad with approaching men you have approached the wrong guys. These dudes you approached seem mad immature. From my experience the guys that are willing to approach you and are very outgoing are the ones you describe. The thirsty dudes are the ones you are describing.
I pose this question to the men in the room… If a female came up to you and started spittin game, would you think she was desparate or is she being confident in herself going after what she likes??
dammit! Good Afternoon – I'm just gone give shout outs cuz I wrote something and that ish didn't post – and I don't feel like writing it over.
Hey SBM! Hey Tea! Hey Bree! Hey Nicki! Hey Mikki (is mikki here?)! Hey Shelia! Hey Jaclynn! Hey Comeback! Hey Humble! Hey Why So!
Oh. And I'm not in a greek – don't care much about them either. I will shout out the National Association of Black Accountants, Inc. like it is one though
I like black accountants and all the other NAB(fill in blank)…
@IndianaJones – If she spit game like a woman then yes. If she cut into me like "ay ma what's your name" or any other way some dudes try to talk then hell no. There is a way you can approach a guy without making him feel emasculated or he is in prison.
First off, whatup phrat. I understand what your getting at, a lot of women can't understand why you have to go out so many nights to do phrat stuff. Or why you need to go to every convention or conference. Sometimes it pays to be with a person who understands.
@ Cuzzo HI didn't you have a bday like this weekend or something? happy belated bday.
@ Why "it’s not our main objective to hit it…." perhaps its not ***some's*** main objective but most men aren't in the turning down @zz business lets just keep it real. This is straight out of the yaya-joyluck-sisterhood of the traveling pants school of thought.
@ Humble "There is a way you can approach a guy without making him feel emasculated or he is in prison." So conversly speaking how does a man like yourself signal disinterest once you've stepped back to be stepped to, after the digits have been passed from her to you? just curious.
A woman (or man) understanding why you choose to do the things you do goes across the board – not just in regards to frats.
@ Comeback – my bday was last wednesday – I'm celebrating all month of course, in virgo fashion. I'll be in MD at the end of the month to toast.
@Comeback
"perhaps its not ***some’s*** main objective but most men aren’t in the turning down @zz business lets just keep it real."
Cosign. Do we need to go back over the thirsty topic?
"So conversly speaking how does a man like yourself signal disinterest once you’ve stepped back to be stepped to, after the digits have been passed from her to you? just curious."
Good question. When I was younger I wouldn't return phone calls or not answer my phone. There was a few other things I did to get rid of them.
@Humble: my statement wasn't directed at you (since you seemed to have had a rebuttal), so it's great that you're not the type I spoke of; however, there are some men who are. Some people strictly work from 9 to 5, and any time thereafter (or before) is for them, and they may not have a lot of other responsibilities. Thus, they wanna drink the koolaid (all the time!).
@everyone: I love how the comments have completely deviated from the original topic. LOL!!
@Renegade
"my statement wasn’t directed at you (since you seemed to have had a rebuttal), so it’s great that you’re not the type I spoke of; however, there are some men who are. Some people strictly work from 9 to 5, and any time thereafter (or before) is for them, and they may not have a lot of other responsibilities. Thus, they wanna drink the koolaid (all the time!)."
I didn't think it was directed toward me I was just stating that I have met women with the same issue. It was different seeing a woman make that statement because I mostly hear men say things like that.
Hey Cuzzo…what it do miss lady?!?!
*sidenotes*
1. White people smell…and bad. I'm convinced that they don't give a damn about their hygeine and i'm about to pass the fuck out from all the rankness up in this biatch!!
2. I'm too damn fly for a PWI…i mean really…my hair is fierce and I'm funky fresh to def…and they're just ummmm….funky.
3. White people smell….ewwww, it's hot as hell fire outside and they smell like a soaking wet dog. Man I should have done my grad work at Howard or something.
yes HOWARD UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
yo if a girl kicked game, like a lady…let me feel as if I won her fancies, then yeah, it's goin down
Shit, if she just said some silliness and it progressed from there, that's cool too.
But if she was the least bit needy, clingy, or "thirsty" I'd sniff it out in a second and dead it right then. That's the last thing I need in my life
@Teacia-I have been going to school with them since I was 5. How do you think I feel? Sometimes I want to hang dial on the door.
@Whyso-I mean if she kicks it to you like she's a true lady, smart, classy with a sense of humor that would work? Does it work on all men? What say you all men?
it won't work on all men….just the men you want
@whyso-Well I am going to keep that in mind for the one I want
um can I make a disclaimer here. I don't have a peni!s but, I think why so and humble's "advice" ONLY works on straight, single, emotionally and phyisically available men who also have signaled an "Im into you" vibe which cannot be misinterpreted aka Greg Behrendt style into the lady.
@comeback-I think, pray and home that the men I pick from here on out are straight, single, emotionally and physically available. Yeah, I hope that for all the good women of SBM.net. I think we're a bunch of classy, sassy women who deserve it.
"I think, pray and home that the men I pick from here on out are straight, single, emotionally and physically available."
hel#l me too LOL
and it is done amen.
TheRenegade – speaking off topic is normal. If it was any other way I would be on the wrong site…LO
Humble One – I may have missed it so if you have to repeat I apologize in advance…but what are some specific tips women should follow if they do want to approach men?
@Shelia-Umm…that's rich.
@Comeback-Girl I am praying. I went to church yesterday and the Associate Pastor guy was staring at me like I was a chicken leg with some greens and cornbread. I didn't mind he's not so bad looking…but…I'm sure he's got some skeletons. Let me search this.
girl not the associate pastor. they get a front seat on the stage. I don't even notice those men. I give em a church hug at the "greet your neighbor" part of the service. But ur in control girl. if he's single and has expressed interest the church has activities that can facilitate a good christian get together.
Some of those men pray on young single ladies. when you pray ask God to show you his true intentions and sheild you from potential predators like those men in the church who normally aint got no business checkin for who they're checkin for.
oh one more thing before I depart. whats up with Black Man Appreciation Day. What day is it again?? the 18th???
@Comeback-Girl…if he preys on anyone younger than me he'd go to jail…he's my age. Actually he might be a year younger. We used to do youth activities together but back then he was a bad ass. Terrible, then the Lord spoke to him and told him to calm that crap down. Eh…but Comeback, he's short…like my height…I don't know if I can…well shorter guys are nicer.
Perhaps I should attend the banquet? The calendar tea? Yes, I think I might have to.
And Black Man's Appreciation Day is the 17th…Do you have something special planned for the men of DC?
Alright guys I know its been the longest day ever but i am here!!!!
So saturday night I called the police on my roommates for being loud and belligerent, the police came and warned them and after they left they decided to threaten me saying they gonna whoop my ass!!
I stayed at a friends for the rest of the weekend and today I get back to request another apartment (cuz i live in an apartment share complex) only to find out these heffers been doing this terrizing to try to get me out anyways!!
So now its time to get buck wild cuz now they just fuggin with me for no reason. I can't believe they almost got what they wanted. I am gonna make the rest of they stay here a living nightmare, and if somebody moves out this time it aint gone be me!!
carry on…..
@Mikki-From experience I'd say you are treading on thin ice. Especially since there are apparently more of them than there of you. I'd say cut your losses and move. It's better to be healthy and whole than having someone do some mean physical stuff to you or torment you mentally.
My name speaks for itself ;o)
I can't STAND those who will only date greek & only a certain kind too…that is pur FOOLISHNESS!!
LOL @ "If I could bottle the “B*tch you must be dumb & crazy” look that I gave her … "
I know that's right!!!
And yeah….that would be the only reason why I would want to date greek too….more than likely that is the same person who didn't go for a higher education either.
I have no preference in dating greek, but found that I do better with someone college educated. May eat my words later ;op as I am an equal opportunist!
BTW – you haven't dated every Delta, we all ain't crazy!
@stacey? sbm is the kind of generalizations.. just check out past blogs
My ex is a Que, one is a Kappa, and one is an Alpha, while my best friend is also an Alpha, but I'm not Greek. Several of my friends are AKa's and Delta's, as well. I have run across ALOT of Greeks who turn their nose up at dating GDI's and I think it's ridiculous. I totally understand that people would like to be with people who they have a lot in common with, but who's to say that a GDI has nothing in common with a Greek, just based on if they pledged in college? That usually means to me that a person has no life outside of their org, which is kinda wack once you get out of college and move on with your life. I know that it is a lifetime commitment, but gee whiz. Maybe I feel like this because I'm on the west coast where BGLO's dont have such a huge influence or impact in the community. But I still think that to separate yourself from those who hold no affiliation, is kinda dumb.
lmao@ ol girl wanting to know all the secret info. Thats funny as hell. I never asked any of my ex's that. They shared alot, but not because they asked…just because they needed someone to talk to.
I was just reminded about going out with a Sigma and he talked and talked so when I went back to school I was talking to Sigmas down there and I said something about some certain rule. They were so mad. They demanded to know his name and overall whereabouts to beat his ass. This fool liked me so much in his attempt to woo me he ended up telling me frat secrets. Tsk tsk. Just like ol' girl.
I just wanted to shout out Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc.
Clearly came in on this WAY too late, but well written post as always SBM.
In parting, I think stereotpes are what we make of them. I think its a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts, the moment we stop letting people off the hook for expected behavior, the moment they will realize that their behavior just isn't cool, and hopfully change their way accordingly.
For ex., If there wasn't a time in undergrad where I could be like "but I'm a NUPE", and get the "drawls", then I wouldn't have been able to do just that and actually get the "drawls" lol.
I'm so late but what it do to all the sorors of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc! oo-oop!!
Hey SBM, been missing you!
Phirst and Foremost, as a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc, I'd like to send a big SKEE-PHI shout out to SBM and a Happy (19)08 to all the Sorors who posted. I'm loving the Century Club Pham! It's our year baby…
My father, grandfather, and uncles are all Alphas so I'm definitely partial to the Ice Cold Frat. However, I've dated Kappas almost exclusively. Love is love but I used to hope i'd say I do with man who had an affinity for black and gold. What can I say? I'm a daddy's girl. I've also dated my fair share of GDI's as well but experience suggests that fraternity members tend to be more understanding of my hectic schedule. Between being an active member of my AKA grad chapter, a full time student, step shows rehearsals, chapter meetings, community service, programs, studying & other school related activities, having a partner who won't question or hate on my various commitments is crucial. Often, a fraternity member will have a similar time commitments so it simply becomes a matter of coordinating schedules. I know that chapter meetings run over and vice versa so there won't be any fights or hissy fits. Additionally, one discovers that fellow active greeks tend to run in the same circles and patronize each other's events so its easy to for your dating pool to consist of the people you see the most often.
I'm currently married to ALPHA, MASON, and SHINER. Who I’m currently getting a divorce from. I think that they do some good work, but there is a down side to all of this male bonding. I can only speak for myself. I see all of the web sites, and parties that go on. They use of the organizations as failures for being real men, and women. I would see these men, and women at meetings and parties drinking to excess, eyeing each other wives and dates. What kind of bother hood is that? Web sites where no one asked each other if they are dating seriously or even married, and saying the most explicit things to each other, and turn around and stand of the name of ALPHA or what ever. As far as the women in the sororities they are no better. I think at one point these organizations where very helpful to the youth in there colleges days, but past college I find it to be a big swap meet of discuss. I feel bad for the bothers who are out there registering people to go out and vote, and sister’s who are giving back to their young sister’s. I see no one pulling on the other coat tails, and telling these bother and sister when they are doing wrong. That’s why I see so many non-active members. When I ask “why aren’t you involved” they all say the same thing “they just don’t want to bothered” all the back biting, and going to meetings and giving dues when nothing gets accomplished. All I can say when you represent your organization, stand up and do what your four fathers’ and sister started these organizations for!
I am greek! AKA baby!
I don't necessarily date greek but love me a Kappa man for some reason.
The soon to be ex husband is a Kappa and the man I am dating now is not greek at all.
I just love a good man.