We have another question from a fellow member of the SBM family.
The dude I’m involved with is in a field where he is going to meet a lot of women. He often works with them. He “hangs out” with them afterwork sometimes…at the places they work or just a bar. Shouldn’t I be concerned? He says he’ll introduce me to the women and everything, but in the past (I know, baggage) i have been around my exes other women so that doesn’t phase me. Why does he want to hang out with other women and doesn’t that lead to trouble eventually, even if it starts innocent enough? Do men really have the will power to hang out with women and NOT eventually screw them? My man question is WHY DOES HE WANT TO EVEN HANG OUT WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE? (my head is saying “duh, cause they are women and he loves women and wants to be around them…who wouldn’t)
So I was able to get a little more information. Apparently these women are of varying age (20+ to 50 ish) and run from sex and cute … to broke down and busted. Our reader has also admitted to being the jealous type (I’m sooo shocked), but still has come to us (me and you … the readers) for advice.
So … I will start this out simple …
STOP IT!
Now, I can even understand the sense of jealousy. Its natural and human (when within reason). I can also understand the fear of him messing with one of these other females … I assume he is a good guy … but women are jealous and evil (no offense) … so them chics might be trying him. But … that all boils down to a simple trust issue … you have to trust him. He wants you to meet these friends and seems to be acknowledging your issues … so dude sounds like a good guy you can trust and I think you’ll be able to work through it.
Now … I have one very very big problem with your “complaint”. You said “WHY DOES HE WANT TO EVEN HANG OUT WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?”!
WTF!
I will admit that I am not huge believer of this male and female friendship thing (as guys are constantly failing the Trench Coat test), but it almost sounds like your wondering why he wants to chill with anyone besides you. It seems like these women have been his friends for awhile and are genuinely people he likes to chill with. Its crazy to think he is not going to want to hang out with his friends … whether they are female or not. If he refuses to let you meet them and has random sleepovers where they play hide the pickle … that’s a completely different story … but don’t be mad because your man actually has friends he wants to hang out with … even if their female.
So … work out the trust issues personally with yourself … and then with your man. In terms of him hanging out with your friends … you don’t have a lock on his free time.
Now … I know my readers know better than me a lot too … so the comments will be the real source of advice.
I agree SBM, she should work out ger trust issues oh and think about if the shoe was on the other foot.
*rolls back over*
I skimmed because I didnt need to read it.
BOTTOM LINE….
if your "seeing" eachother.. cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS
if you live together? pfft. yo check it… my rule in my old household? was plain NO. you cant hang out with anybody of the opposite sex from work. dont ask me for if's ands or buts because they dont exist. I am the biggest corporate drama whore you can find… and I still never one day in my life went out with the women from work who wanted to hang out or get a bite to eat after work. my ex wasnt allowed to either… so dont get your panties in a bunch. it was a rule, households need rules. and you have to go with what works. My godfather told me, a woman should never even be in a situation where people could "whisper" or make accusations about her actions. even if shes not doin anything, people have eyes and you have an image and you have worries and concerns. your partner… and I mean partner not a boyfriend or some dude you bang or whatever… should be 100% on your side about all things and never want you to worry.
but then again… its just my opinion. wat da fuk do I know?
one more thing.. I find it amazing that a certain type of woman… is always making their list for the corporate powerful rich guy they want…. and would never date us normal black men..
but then want to cry about the collateral damage that comes from dating said type of man. if he wasnt rich and powerful you wouldnt want him… if you turn him into a lamb from a black lion you would leave him. so those "type" of women either need better target selection or need to be like white women who marry for money…. and just deal with it knowing you got what you asked for and buy yourself stuff to keep your "alone time" more pleasant.
yes, we know you could have dated Jackson who worked at the bakery… who was an average middle class guy. but you wanted Dexter the powerbroker, so deal with it.
I knew I shouldn't have even read the post. I wasn't going to comment today but so far all of you are wrong, especially you SBM(big surprise there) and she deserves an intelligent and objective response.
"The dude I’m involved with is in a field where he is going to meet a lot of women. He often works with them. He “hangs out” with them afterwork sometimes…at the places they work or just a bar. "
*ahem*…these are NOT his friends, these are random women who he chooses to hang out with for no reason other than he's in the mood. honey, there is no reason for him to be doing this. hanging out with your coworkers is one thing, hanging out with random chics that he meets b/c of work is another thing.
"So … work out the trust issues personally with yourself … and then with your man. In terms of him hanging out with your friends … you don’t have a lock on his free time."
don't listen to our silly moderator, he doesn't believe in validating people's feelings, something must be wrong with you, when even the most secure individual would have insecurities with this scenario. you have a VALID question. there is no reason for your man to choose to spend his afterhours time with random women that he met at work. that's like me going out with male students for fun who stop by my office. these aren't my coworkers, and there's no need for the fraternizing if i'm in a relationship.
I think all of the writer's concerns can be addressed and validated (or crushed) if she meets these women that he hangs out with. Women are equipped with this wonderful thing called "woman's intuition" and some of us choose to use it, while others ignore it. You can tell when somebody wants your man. Go meet these broads and see for yourself.
Also, I can understand her being concerned. Women are trifling… well SOME of them, and will use an opportunity like this to push up on your man. Especially if he's one of those men that go blabbing aka "venting" their relationship business and a chick may see this as a weak point and try to step in.
Oh and yes it most certainly CAN lead to trouble, even the most faithful man could find himself in a situation that's a conflict of interest to his relationship. when a woman wants something she stops at nothing to get it, not caring who she hurts in the process. and your man should be cognizant of your feelings and not disrespect you by spending his after hours with them.
now that having been said, he's not married to you, you have no rights to this man. introducing you doesn't make a difference, hell there are men who sleep with their girl's best friend, knowing the chic won't change anything cause women have tendency to not give a damn when they want something. my advice is to make it known how you feel, if he's not receptive to those feelings then maybe you need to reexamine your relationship and keep it moving. if you're man isn't willing to cut back on his socializing(b/c there's really no need for it), then you're not worth it to him, plain and simple. Keep your sanity and keep it moving.
Hmmm insecure ABW alert……
remember kids.. if its a woman hangin wit a dude, the guy is shallow and jellous and has issues…. cuz no nigga should be so conrtroling
but if its a chick? nigga is fukin em all!! well guess what. as the resident "dudes should buy me a purse before he can hit it" advocate… i must say you get what you ask for. if you types keep going out here and looking for these powerful men, your going to have to deal with the collateral damage.
you already know what your getting into, just stfu and deal with it.
Edit: I must reinterate. if this is your mate… no, he should be at home.. if this is your boyfriend or fuk buddy.. or dude YOU think your girlfriend of because he is a fine ass baller but your just "dating"…. whatever…. then you have no rights to him and no right to say anything. which is why you havent said anything…. because if you did have a right to say anything you would have… but if you do say something when you dont have a right to… men like me would conciser you nagging and needy and bitchy and we would up and leave…. for ANY of the zilion other women wanting us.
it's getting old Hasani, very very old and i'm not going to go back and forth with you…life is too short. think of me as you will. this is my view and i'm entitled, i didn't attack you but whatever floats your boat homie.
"The dude I’m involved with is in a field where he is going to meet a lot of women. "
I need more details. Does he work in the shoe department at Nordstroms or is he an "exotic" dancer. How do you end up working around really sexy or "busted" women all at the same time?
I used to be in a "shacking" type of situation and if this is the case I know how she feels. I guess my take on it is that if im not invited NO GO. I remember the one LAST time something like that happen with my ex. He called me up and was like "yo im going bowling with some co-workers" (Read one woman). I said wtf U don't even like to BOWL!!
read flag foul on the play!!
don't do it girl don't fall for the okie dokie!!
Comeback's 3rd eye is at work, thats what I want to know, is he a scripper? My guess is bar tender.
Testing….
HNIC…seriously, Teacia said just about the same stuff you said and you're calling her an ABW….you're starting early aren't you…must be a boring Monday ahead.
I will say though, I like this comment "a woman should never even be in a situation where people could “whisper” or make accusations about her actions" but I say that goes across genders. In a relationship, people shouldn't be putting themselves in positions to be accused of anything.
In regards to the actual post, I don't have an opinion either way, it depends on a lot more than what was put out here.
See you folks sometime after lunch.
I agree SBM, you work with people all day and build a friendship with them. So naturally you want to hang with your friends. If everyone is a mature adult, the sex of a person shouldn't matter. The reality is that if someone wants to cheat, they will so it's no point getting all flustered about it.
-JM
Good Morning Everyone,
Something is missing from this story. What does this guy do that constantly keeps him around women? What is the time frame in which she has seen these different women? Does he invite her to hang out with him and the women?
While the person who wrote in seems to understand she is a little jealous and needs to work on it … I personally can't take people with these huge insecurities that start to affect the relationship.
"Something is missing from this story. What does this guy do that constantly keeps him around women? What is the time frame in which she has seen these different women? Does he invite her to hang out with him and the women?"
Thanks Humble…(Mik HUMBLE has the real 3rd eye)…SBM when you get these letters they need to have the who, what, when, where, why and how's. These "dear SBM" letters should not double as nancy drew/sherlock holmes outlines.
ok..well since I can't get clarification. I'mma have to 3rd eye this one.
"He says he’ll introduce me to the women and everything, but in the past (I know, baggage) i have been around my exes other women so that doesn’t phase me. Why does he want to hang out with other women and doesn’t that lead to trouble eventually, even if it starts innocent enough? "
Why exactly does he have to "hang out" with these women. This goes back to some of my comments on VSB today. I understand that in certain professions PEOPLE period have to "snake charm". You gotta small talk, you gotta do the lunch and maybe even dinner etc, to get the deal done. But Im going to assume that this man is not an atty, he isn't the next Spike Lee looking for a deep pocketed patron.
I might be able to ok this, if it didn't have a sleeze factor. Business is all about getting what you want (and giving the other side what they want too). When all involved feels as though they won-you have succeeded. This whole dynamic takes work. It takes cultivation. Its not usually you're in and you're out. It may mean going to some kids bat mitzvah. It may mean inviting somebody over for dinner or drinks.
but in order for this to work (and I agree with SBM) you have to be secure. You also needed to have known the man longer than 3 months. Trust and being on the same accord takes time. And the benefactor has an obligation to make the S.O. as comfortable with the situation as possible. However, the "uninvolved" SO can't be the type who needs constant validation. The dynamic assumes you konw your partner and have built a solid foundation.
This is fact. Men have females friends because either a) they want to boink them, b)they want to throw an assist to one of their friends or c) some combination of both.
If someone is in a relationship, they should know whats appropriate in terms of chilling with someone of the opposite sex. (If they claim that they didn't know, they're lying).
A bouncer!!! he is a bouncer!!!
Ok wait stop the press, hold the phone, dont call the cops. He can't be a bouncer, because she said he hangs out with them "After work" said club hours usually are around 2-3am. Unless they are going to "houses" or "Dennys" or local coneys there isn't many places to "hang".
Guys he can't be a bouncer, stripper, bar tender, or anything that has to do with a club cuz if he is hanging after club hours well im so sorry for our dear family member.
bout to head to batesville ms and as soon as i damn return…im all over this one!!! oh yeah…ur gonna read my "boyfriends" name: MARIUS!!!
He's a bouncer??? im lost..If he works in some kind of "night life entertainment", which i suspect but i can;t always read through the BS, the ONLY way where making "friends with random women" would work is if he was in mgt. Again that life is a big whoodini trick anyway. Part of the sale is making women feel special, desired, etc, so unless dude is bringing home mad paper to assume that he's actually good at flirting that also translates into some cash-then he needs to re-evaluate his career path.
if he's a flunky..then why not actually find a job-where you can really finese and make some cash. Does that sound bad?
lastly, if homegirl felt actively involved and in the know, she may not have an issue.
but again i smell sleeze, but this could work if there was full disclosure and trust. And if she knew the man for a while. I still feel like they don't really have much history. Im not even reading that they are really in a serious monogamous relationship. Could be wrong.
"HNIC…seriously, Teacia said just about the same stuff you said and you’re calling her an ABW….you’re starting early aren’t you…must be a boring Monday ahead."
because saying stuff like:
ahem*…these are NOT his friends, these are random women who he chooses to hang out with for no reason other than he’s in the mood. honey, there is no reason for him to be doing this.
is angry… assuming all men are cheating… but if the flip it, she sings another tune and "all men are trying to control you guuurl, he cant say nuttin to you less he buys you a purse!!!!"
and then to call my brotha… the moderator silly on his own blog? wow.. ya thats not ABW either.
so yeah other than that…. we are not saying the same thing.
Im saying this chick has no rights. NONE.
I wish one of the women I was dating would try and tell me she didnt like who I was hanging out with and didnt like my socialization. she would be ….well… more single. and Im actually one of the GOOD GUYS.
from the sounds of this, she wanted some brotha with a good job and that was rich and powerful…. but then wants him to turn into a loving sheep because she starts sleeping with him. how ass backwards is that? you wanted him BECAUSE he was this type of guy that had his job and had his flamboyant bruce wayne lifestyle.
now… your dating him.
you have NO RIGHTS.. no change his lifestyle. you can exit the relationship… but we all know you wont because TYPES like you want TYPES like us.
when he chooses to key you or ring you… then you can have rights to change whatever the fuk about him you choose to. because its your mates right to change you for the better of your combined future….
but your not a mate. and you didnt choose to date average joe you wanted negro bruce wayne. stop crying and being paranoid your the toughest most gifted bloodline on this planet.
Right comeback we don't judge folks (read: worksite T usually) but what "said" profession causes for you to be meeting all these women busted and not? and I agree homeslice needs a new profession if he is said bouncer, bartender, scripper, etc……
Checking over the emails I received… I believe the guy in question works in bartending of some sort.
Now … while I will admit this validates the writer's fear some more … we have to think about the big picture, because I see this same argument being made for the Vice President as well.
he is prob working in advertising at a corporate company.
that would
A) give him enough power to attract said type of woman
B) Give him the money earning to be the reason why said chick dosent just bolt
c) gives him access to lots of females that he has to talk to or have happy hour with after work.
I know at the last magazine I worked at the female to male ratio in advertising was STAGGERING and most PR and media relations people are always young women.
im sorry he's doing to much for bartending. how much does socializing after hours over a dam! cosmo actually net you 3 or 4 dollars (tips) TOPS.
thats really stupid. If Im getting my panties all in a bunch over these women and you're my man…then you better be making my stress WORTH IT.
But Imma tell you why this is not a grown up relationship. It opens with "the dude Im involved with…" This does NOT describe a long standing, strong, trust built monagomous RELATIONSHIP.
I hate to agree with HNIC…but you don't have no claim on a man your just fyckin…sorry.
alright now that the cats outta the bag im with comeback "SLEEZE"
and I am sticking with what I said before, why are you hanging with females at 2,3,4 am?? what are yall doingz?? I need u to take ur black arse HOME!!!
and I like what comeback 3rd eye is talking about, typically your not gonna open a statement with "dude im involved with" if yall that serious.
I think if she is going to be in a "Relationship" with said bartender she is gonna have to fall back, I mean I hate to crush lil Nicki's dream ova there but its like the football player fantasy "ACTUALLY BELIEVING HE WILL BE FAITHFUL" yea when lil sbm's fly…..
so he is a charming charismatic bartender who must look good and make great tips…….
so unless he is YOUR man and not just a man your dating…. he could be a CEO (i mean a real one) and you still have no rights to tell him what to do. you can only choose to stay (because we all know you want that type of man anyway) or go (and date an average guy which we know you will never do)
I've called him worse, silly is a step up trust me.
And seeing as how you have nothing better to do with your time than to focus all of your energy on me and what I say well then let me help to fill the emptiness in your life just a little more.
I stand by the innocent statement that you chose to highlight, if this is her man he has NO reason and NO business hanging out with these women other than him wanting to(same thing that you said if i'm not mistaken).
You hang around college folk alot right…yet it doesn't even take one to figure out that these meetings are NOT work related…and i quote "My man question is WHY DOES HE WANT TO EVEN HANG OUT WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE? (my head is saying “duh, cause they are women and he loves women and wants to be around them…who wouldn’t)."
…she goes OUT of her way to let us know that these non-work related meetings are not required for him to be successful, he chooses to hang around them to fill some attention void that he seems to have. She may have insecurities but come on now, if she didn't give a damn yall would be hooping and hollering about how uncaring and insensitive she is(like on YBL's Thursday post). You damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
I say bounce on out, this relationship seems shaky anyways, it's not worth the hassle and constant headaches.
HUSH MIK!. LOL "football player fantasy"
Can't a girl wish, deep in her heart? I'll settle for a corporate guy with a football players body though. :*)
Im very polarized.
I think thats why my relationships work out for such long durations.
when I am single I dont tell you what to do.
when we are dating? I dont tell you what to do, i just tell you what time ill pick you up.
when your my woman? hang up the phone, no you cant call your old college buddy, no you cant go on spring break with your gal pals, no you cant buy those curtains.
JZ said it best… ill summarize. you cant treat the ones that your lovin with the same cander as the ones that your fukin. if I like you and you like me and we r boyfriend and girlfriend…. so what. you still have no rights. move in, or marry me and you have all the say in the world.
"when your my woman? hang up the phone, no you cant call your old college buddy, no you cant go on spring break with your gal pals, no you cant buy those curtains"
ummmmm you're taking things a little far…lol
lol Nicki i couldn't help it
@HNIC: " I like you and you like me and we r boyfriend and girlfriend…. so what."
Question: So, why even be boyfriend/ girlfriend if you shouldn't expect anything?
And completely off topic, but not all football players cheat, a lot yes, most even, but not all. I happen to know a few good ones who have never stepped out on their girl. The key is to get them later in the game, everything gets old at some point…including new p*ssy.
@HNIC & Teacia: Check the rules and cut the fighting. I'm in the mood to block someone.
@HNIC: No more f*cking essays and randomly attacking people.
@Teacia: I don't need to tell you what to do … We both know you know exactly whats going on and what needs to happen.
tecia darling. for me and for all other black men who read this blog about… well… single black men. please try and follow the moderators rules and respect EVERYONE… even the moderator. contact him behind the scenes and say whatever you want about him, I really want to shed this idea thats its "just ok" to talk at us black men like we arent…. well… men. very large men. thats my only issue.
she still has no right.
and telling her to leave if it makes her uncumfortable? i laughed out loud. shes not goin anywhere cuz we all know the guy is fine as hell…. hence why he draws such a crowd. and B) because of the crowd he draws you know as a bartender thats goodlooking he has to have MAD CHEDDAH. now I know theres alot of types of sista out there… and you will say I am generalizing….
but i dont think there are many types that dont go for a hot rich black male…….
but then again what would I know?
Bartender ……
they are coworkers, not random women (not that I know of)
one of them is a new coworker..the daughter of an old coworker.
The old coworker asked him to "look after" her daughter..I think he takin it too far
Askin her to call you when she gets in because she "left with a married dude" is being captain save a ho
@Comeback: I hate to admit this … but I agree with you. That opening line does make it seem like the relationship isn't that serious thus discrediting the claims slightly more.
Hasani shut the fuck up.
You know what SBM, block me I don't give a damn. He attacked me several times and I respond once while sticking to the post, but since you feel the need to NOW flex your fucking muscles…then go ahead, flex.
It'll help me break the habit of bringing my ass to the damn site anyways…so please do me the favor.
gotta say, i'm a little disinterested today…not sure if it's the post is kinda boring, i'm sleepy in general (i had like 3 bad dreams last night) or i'm just turned off by the predictability of some people on here…maybe a combination of all three
anyway, teacia hit me on IM whenever, i need some good chatting to get me through the day…thanks
I hope everyone had a great weekend
True did you write this…why did I think of you???
im glad you not mad at us no mo.
@Mik:
@T: Oohh (jumping around, raising hand)? T, you know any good ones? I know a great woman who doesn't want them for their money… bodies only. LOL.
why is my comment awaiting moderation…i don't recall saying anything dangerous.
ah well, the only thing i remember was teacia hit me on im, i need some good chatting to get me thru the day…hope everyone had a good weekend.
Nicki: There's going to be few of them at my birthday bash this weekend, you're invited to come…or better yet when we meet up in Miami i'll introduce you to the starting lineup…lol, no for real.
comeback said "ummmmm you’re taking things a little far…lol
nah its you guys dont seem to polarize things enough. you treat a boyfriend like you would a husband and you dont treat a mate like he is your mate.
if your my woman, and we live together and I say you cant do something… guess what. YOU CANT DO IT.
is it fair? Hell no its not fair. DO i need a reason for saying so? Nope. do I still have that right as your mate? Absolutely and unequivocally . do i have any right to tell you what do to before said commitment happens? not at all.
sunshine asked why be boyfriend and girlfriend at all? intensity I guess. Im old. I dont have girlfriends. I have women I date, women I am seen with and women I sleep with…. oh and a mate. there are no real inbetweens. I had girlfriends in 8th grade and I carried her bookbag.
I have been dating miss june and miss alaska for 4 months now. I dont ask either one of them what they do in their off time and I would never tell one of them they cant go over a male friends house.
because I have no rights to do so.
@Bree: Hey girl…. " hope everyone had a great weekend"
Very good and relaxing… cleaned up the apartment (looked a little like a disaster area)… went bridal shopping a couple of hours Saturday and Sunday, but most of the time, was spent LAZING around the house. Wonderful.
Hope your weekend was good too.
"nah its you guys dont seem to polarize things enough. you treat a boyfriend like you would a husband and you dont treat a mate like he is your mate."
i would tend to agree
***is the world coming to an end***
but I don't appreciate being bossed around or told what to do. I mean in jest its cute. But if you're really telling me seriously to get off the phone or that I can't go see my mama. We got PROBLEMS. be it you my husband or boyfriend.
wait wait waaaait.
SBM HNIC and Comebackgirl ALL agree on the same post?!!?
@T: OH I LOVE YOU!!!! Yes, YES!!!! I am mesmerized by them.
@HNIC: Thanks for 'splaining that.
…and this is why you don't market yourself as "Dr. Abby"..lol
I always question the mental capacity of those who send in questions for 'advice', when the answer is usually always right there in front of their face.
"SBM HNIC and Comebackgirl ALL agree on the same post?!!?"
I KONW…maybe I need to find Jesus' blog. Something is seriously wrong here. SERIOUSLY.
Nicki: no problem chic, hit me on the space from now on.
I'm out.
Woman's intution. One of the most powerful forces on the planet.
She knows good and damn well what's going down, whether it's a friendly type thing, or a more romantic. (but would she really write in if it wasn't romantic?)
If she's willing to go against better judgement for whatever they have, fine. If her better judgement trumps the relationship, even better. But the fact doesn't change that she knows clearly what he is doing. And she has to power to either a) change it or b) let it go on.
Just calling it like I see it. Seriously.
oh and comeback…. if I thought your mama was eroding the foundations of our marriage and corrupting its future… you lived with me and shared my fate with your own? ya id totally axe yo mama. you wouldnt have to like it but you would have to deal with it you dont have any other choice.
And any woman I couple with has just as much right to tell me what to do and always will. because you will NEVER agree with everything your MATE (not jump off and not boyfriend) says but you will have to abide by it and respect why she is doing it or why he is making the decision.
but as much control as I give to a mate…. ya these women out here that I am dating cant control me for shit. they can deal with who I am … make slight upgrades (like Miss ER getting me the job earning three times what I make normaly) or get yo booty out my bed and stay home and eat ben n jerry on saturday nights.
The relationship is serious (no im not delusional)
Several things with this case scenerio (excuse me if some have already been said…haven't read the comments yet):
1.It could be innocent. Some of my co-workers (the ones I considered friends or close associates) would meet up for happy hour at least once a month. The wives or girlfriends didn't come (although they could have). The situation with us all was innocent; however everybody is not like my crew of friends who value boundaries and honesty.
2. On the flipside, why does he feel the need to hang out with these women all of the time? Maybe it's an ego thing. Maybe he's not that into you. Maybe he's waiting to see what you will do. If it's bothering you this much, you need to talk to him about it. Being in a social setting as a club or bar can lead to temptation.
If you have trust issues, yes deal with those, but even someone who is confident would find a loophole in this situation. The key is to address the issue with him. Don't speculate.
Remember a person will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
@comeback: "These “dear SBM” letters should not double as nancy drew/sherlock holmes outlines."
You made my day with this line and for that I thank you! …
I say the batch has no claim over this nagga. They are just dating. … and she knew his profession when she started dating him. My advice: find a nagga with a 401k sweetie!
"The relationship is serious (no im not delusional)"
how long have you known him? How long have you been involved seriously? Have you ever had any issues with him (steppin out) in the past? is he part owner in the establishment? How can you justify all this free time with random women –extra tips?, is he sharing in the club's added income when these ladies comeback and ask for him?
im not understading.
"My advice: find a nagga with a 401k sweetie!
"
This statement made me cry with laughter, that was drop dead funny right cha, im sayin
FUNNTY
On a side note, i just found my wedding receptions "first dance song"
here I stand by Usher, man I am soo feeling this song!!!
Jolie:I knew I loved you for a reason. Searching with a flashlight during sun hours for a man with a 401k!!!
This is a tough one. I say you know what you know when you know it. If you feel you don't know enough then cut the bs and find someone new. If you feel you can't trust a man then why are you with him. Like I was watching that show Man and Wife last night and they were both like we tell each other that the real deal is, and the other person responds. Eh, wouldn't work for me-but do you. If it works for this chick to be suspicious then do it chick. Beyond that quit looking for stuff, you might find what you're looking for.
Awww SHAT … this is about TRUE!?
hmmmm….
lol…
Yall funny today
I knew the "repercussions" of admitting the identity of the sender of the email
But eff it
No I dont KNOW what is goin on..if I DID..I wouldn't WONDER whats goin on and I certainly wouldn't seek yall's opinion
lol
I have expressed my concern…and I was reassured that its nothing
Yes we have trust issues with eachother..but are choosing to work them out
Yes I understand that this is something that probably won't change..but Im not goin to just be like "eff him"…
Im so confusededed
Okay I've skimmed the comments (yes I know skimming is bad).
So it seems this male is a bartender…the person sending in this has some previous trust issues with men…knowing that little bit…this match-up was doomed from the start. Bartenders meet a lot of women and women will flirt with hopes of getting a free drink, etc.
If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship. Regardless of his occupation you will need to be able to trust the man.
Food for thought: He might not be the one you should be investing your heart and time with. You'll be dead from stress worrying about stuff that in the bigger scope of things–just don't matter.
"No I dont KNOW what is goin on..if I DID..I wouldn’t WONDER whats goin on and I certainly wouldn’t seek yall’s opinion"
I think Nik and Why would tend to disagree. And so would I. Anytime you have to ask you know. Why are you so afraid of KNOWING. What do you gain from "not knowing". What does it buy you?
comeback
known him for 3 years
yes we both have done stuff in the past
there is no other reason than to Hang out and grab some drinks..im a 9 to 5 gal…so im sleep at night..its not only women he hangs with..sometimes he hangs with guys
wtf …let me stop justifying this madness
lol
sorry yall…Guess I needed other points of view
comeback
maybe…no…I AM afraid of knowing
*holds in sobs*
*sigh*
Im so not in the mood for this
@Comeback: "I think Nik and Why would tend to disagree. And so would I. Anytime you have to ask you know. Why are you so afraid of KNOWING"
And yes ma'am, you would be correct. I think we always know but are afraid with the outcome and tend to make excuses for a person.
You've got to read "He's Just not that Into you." Now I'm not saying this is a dating bible that needs to be followed play by play but it is a book written by a man, and raises some valid points. KNOWING your worth and when to walk away empowers you in every relationship.
I'm not saying you need to walk away, cause I try not to ever give that kind of advice (everybody has a limit of what they can take!) BUT you can find the answer within yourself.
yes jolie..it is
So?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
no keep justifying. we need something to talk about for the rest of the day Nancy Drew lol..
jk..glad you came back.
@true: i think you knew the answer before you asked the question. I say go with your gut hun..
Well SBM do you have another letter??? the writer came in awfully early and shut the shyt down
well let me get to work.
no no no
this still a good topic
I think it is anyway
Me and my big mouf..I shouldn't have led on this early..that way yall could keep tryin to guess
sorry for having such a wack letter
Wow this topic flopped. This sucks. I need fodder for my ADD at work. This makes me realize I need more people to IM during the day.
True2Me, seems like you've made up your mind and didn't need our opinions after all…smile
I will say this and will bow out – Ask yourself is it all really worth it? If he's not willing to ease your concerns (his actions must reflect his words), why spend time worrying about it. Life is too short. Maybe he's only meant to be in your life for a short period. Everybody we meet isn't meant to be around for a lifetime.
"Well SBM do you have another letter??? the writer came in awfully early and shut the shyt down"
LOL Comeback Girl
I have a topic.. and I need advice!
Ok ..so you know last week i had my category 5 Manicane. Well one of the dates ..Well all went very well BUT .. Mr. Wednesday who we will refer to as Coach .. well he hasnt really called.
Rundown of the date:
We went to RiRa in Arlington for dinner and a comedy show. Conversation was good. Dinner was good. Drinks were great!
We get up to leave and he is like I'd like to continue the convo. I said ok.. he said well follow me. I follow him to his place and we talked and watched Chris Rock's new comedy special on DVR. We kissed.. ( i know i shouldnt kiss on the first date … but uh .. I DID)
So anyway around 11pm, I'm like I better get going. He lives about 40 miles from my house. So anyway .. he told me I should stay. Didnt want me driving thate late. I insisted that I go.. we went back and forth and eventually I left.
So anyway, I dont hear from him .. the next day. So I text him to say hi the following day. he texts back … and thats it! .. All she wrote?! I've seen him on gchat but he hasnt hit me up. What should I do? Does he not like me? I'm so confused!
yay for Jolie helping the blog today move along, I was worried and my A.D.D was acting up n thangs!!
hmm Jolie sounds like he is a lil miff'd u didn't stay, maybe he thought he was gonna get some and you left him hanging……
JOLIE ARE YOU FYKIN KIDDING ME…
seriously…
do you have velcro attached to your @zz and all your date's sofa's and shyt. LOL
@jolie – How long did you talk before you went out? Was that your first time going out with him?
@comeback: no dear I do not …I shoulda just went home after dinner and the comedy show but the convo was going good and I didnt feel like sitting in another bar.. etc.
I keep effin up the game I know but DAMN .. he is a nice guy~!
why does it say my comment is in moderation? Can y'all see my question? number 77?
@humble: we met last year at a friends bday party. He hit me up recently (we had only just added each other on fb last year after the party) . We went out to a dessert/coffee date at a bookstore last sunday and then had a follow up date on Wednesday. So technically our second date. Prior to this we talked every night in some form or fashion.
As u guys have been sayin to me
Maybe he isn't that into you
@true: you might be right .. idk maybe i said something at that date that was a trigger because prior to the 2nd date he was on me .. like asking me 50 questions a night about everything from marriage, relationships, kids… etc. felt like I was on the witness stand as many questions as he was asking.
but another male friend of mine said that guys have some rule of not contacting for 4 days or some shat afterwards? maybe i shouldnt of hit him up and waited for him?!
Rule number 9010….If a man asks you back to his place on the first date, to read the bible, poetry, watch a movie, discuss quantum physics or the big bang theory…for the love of GOD..DO NOT DO IT.
@jolie – When talked was it about general stuff i.e. seeing how each other day went, getting to know each other. Did sex ever come up in the conversation?
@comeback: I used to be queen of knowing the game. honestly i havent dated in a while because i was in a long term relationhip for several years and I am recently single. The game has changed. Never have I been rejected or thrown back in to the dating pool like this .. it is throwing me for a loop. BIG LOOP!
@humble: sex never came up. he asked me things like "how long before I know if I want to be with someone (relationship wise)?", "what i look for in a mate?," " best characteristics that describe my personality?," "my religious beliefs." …
like basically he was screening me…
@jolie
"but another male friend of mine said that guys have some rule of not contacting for 4 days or some shat afterwards? maybe i shouldnt of hit him up and waited for him?!"
This is some B.S
@Jolie: Comeback does have a point. By going back to his spot, you starting fall into the jumpoff category as he got excited about having relations. Then when you didn't do anything but kiss, he might have put you into the "faking" category. Basically, you picked up two L's which could have quickly dropped your stock.
He may call … things may be salvageable … but don't hold your breath.
@sbm: i am determined you dont know shat.. My stock could never drop and we basically watched tv. So every girl you have brought back to your houses stock has dropped? every girl you have kissed in your house and not had relations with is "faking?" … sometimes you are really simple .. you know that.. tone: loving.. but not really
and this is just one of 4 … but i just like him the most.. and jolie never ever holds her breath..
@Jolie: Like Humble said … that 4 day thing is BS. I will say that there easily can be truth to a 1 or 2 day delay … but not 4 day.
On another note, your dating like 50 people. I don't know why women think this is such a super secret they can keep hidden and that we can't tell your not giving us your 100% … hell not even 50%.
As a result, I know I personally won't care as much about a person if I know I am one of many. She has to be something super special to make me want to knock of a whole team of competitors
I am thinking of a man really likes you he won't wait four days to call. I really think this is some serious BS men are just looking for some quick stuff
O…And I meant to say to HNIC
I LOVE THE "REGULAR DUDES"
A bartender is a "regular dude" if you ask me
and when I met him he wasn't a bartender
Now as a bartender he has an excuse for stayin out late
the "bartender lifestyle" is what he likes to call it
LMAO!!!
@SBM: so i am supposed to date just one person. These were all first dates. I usually determine after the first date who i would like to date but this is called dating. Are you telling me you date one woman exclusively …after the first date? if so, you are a lie. Usually a person is dating and eventually the others just fall off because they have greater interest in one over the other. Which may be the case for Coach as I know and as he and I discussed that he is dating other people as am I. But we also discussed that we did have a genuine interest in each other as well.
So SBM… you only date one woman at a time? You dont talk to other women while you are dating one?
@Jolie: let me clarify. This was like the first date. And Comeback was the first to point out the problem with going back to people's houses after the first date.
I can't speak for everyone, but sometimes if I here "sure … I'll come by your place" I inherently think something is going to happen. If it doesn't … then depending on the girl … I may think "what happened" or "what tease". Not saying its right, but its just how I think often.
Instead, if she says "I really should go home" or some reason why she isn't going to come home with me … she loses no points and just gets the regular respectable female title.
Damn Jolie … why you gotta say I don't know "shat". Damn … what did I do to you?
@jolie – I agree with SBM. When you went back to his crib you changed the whole game. From the date to the conversation it was on the up and up. He was probably feeling you and thought he could take it there. Especially with the kissing.
SEE I TOLD YOU SHE WASNT GOING TO LEAVE!!
HATE ME FOR BEING THE HNIC…
MOHAWAWAW!!!
@jolie: I'm gonna have to agree with Comeback… noooooo on going back to his place after the first date!
Pull back and wait for him now…. I hate playing games but it seems to be that's all dating is (which SUCKS!)
@sbm: this was the 2nd date..
Jolie…(first of all the end of the world is coming because Im agreeing all over the place with SBM and HNIC) WTF…
a man does NOT JUST invite you over his house after a first date to JUST watch tv. He prolly was just judging your lead and what not. And he read that you were not there for se@x. But a man will try. and then judge you later. We already discussed this.
but I see you tryna break the mold. It cant be done. iT cant be done.
"I agree with SBM. When you went back to his crib "
these are MEN saying this Jolie. You gotta at least listen. We have an advantage here. That other ladies dont have.
@et al: well, we shall see folks ..we shall see. I really didnt see anything wrong with it at the time. i was tried of being out. It was an after work date. It was our 2nd date but I had hung out with him numerous times in group settings over the last year. He is friends with all my friends we just never officially went out on dates until this 2nd date. I will keep you updated.
The other 4 dates I had last week went well. None of them ended up at someones house .. they were all dinner, lunch or dessert dates…
@Comeback: Wow … this really is a history making day. And thank you for acknowledging the testosterone flowing through out viens.
@Jolie: I have had this discussion with plenty of people, but I really like to devote a lot of attention to one person. You were talking about 2 dates on one day, and back to back dates in a week. There is no way in hell these people are going to pick up the vibe that you have so many people.
I don't think I've ever had more than 2 1st dates in a week. I spend way too much time and effort on my dates to be doing it so much.
I understand dating is just "fun" for ya'll … but your treating it like a past time and a game for fun than the means to find someone serious. But then again … I don't know "shat"
I said this before. If I feel a woman is trying to play me, I put an X next to her name which sends it back to my phone list. so you come we have a good time and you just give me a peck? nah, you gots to be goin.
that I dont kiss on the first date stuff wouldnt fly with guys like me.
you would have to be kim kardashian.
but I must admit I do invite women over to just watch tv. if your a nigga who can get pussy your a nigga who can get pussy. why would we have to "trap" more? I cant speak for horny 20 somethings… but I love inviting 30 something lonely ass I havent met a real black man in years" type sista and watching her squirm with anxiety wondering if "this nigga thinks he gonna hit it" and I never make a move other than to get her more trail mix and another glass of Nordic berry shiraz.
i mean, im evil…. and I do love watching women squirm. but im a rare breed.
@SBM
"I can’t speak for everyone, but sometimes if I here “sure … I’ll come by your place” I inherently think something is going to happen. If it doesn’t … then depending on the girl … I may think “what happened” or “what tease”. Not saying its right, but its just how I think often."
I would not expect to get some if she came to my house. If she offered then I would take it, but I wouldn't expect it. Then again I am the resident nice guy so maybe I dont count.
ya Humble…. if i think im gettin teased Im out. theres too many women for me to play.
conversely if I dont get any attention at all within the first few dates…. Im out. cuz it means your playing me.
I almost feel sorry for women dating us……… nah not really.
@jolie
"The other 4 dates I had last week went well. None of them ended up at someones house .. they were all dinner, lunch or dessert dates…"
So you have been eating pretty good lately?
@SBM: I am dating to find something meaningful. Honestly, I didnt mean to have more than one date on one day but somehow i over committed myself and I did not want to cancel. The reason I asked the question about this guy is because I liked him overall the other guys I went out with and he was the first date of the week.
I think that although you believe you are putting a lot of time and effort into these dates (which I dont believe from all your posts about your cheapness) it really comes down to if the two of you click. I am not out wasting these mens time. I had an actual date date with Coach and the other dates were basically for short catchups over coffee/drinks, dessert or a lunch at my break…I only committed to one elaborate or planned out date that week is basically what I am trying to say and that was to Coach.
We shall see what happens .. and I will defintely keep you UPDATED ..
Humble:I seriously doubt you take it even then. You've got too much respect for yourself as a man.
Jolie:I agree with the others. Especially Comeback.
I actually once told my friend "There is no reason for a woman to come to my house if nothing is going to happen. She can just go home!"
While that was said in jest and I'm not really that bad … there is a lot of truth in it. Once you enter my hallowed halls after like one date or two … you are instantly put on slore watch.
If we kiss and the titty makes an appearance, but finish out the night by myself with a dry and flaccid"little buddy" … it completely changes the dynamic of everything.
A tease is no good. Someone to easy is no good. Yeah its rough … but so is the economy!
"So you have been eating pretty good lately"
lol…
somebody (a black man) needs to write a book on how to understand black men…im just reading and taking it all in.
@humble: I have offered to pay at the end of some of these dates and I was shut down…..
@Jac
"I seriously doubt you take it even then. You’ve got too much respect for yourself as a man."
Sheeeeeeeeeeeit. I'm nice but not that nice. If I have no reason to turn it down why would I? Cause I respect myself too much as a man? ROFLMAO
“So you have been eating pretty good lately”
Comeback…I think I understood it just fine.
Humble's a very special, special man.
@sbm: Its been confirmed you are simple…
"Once you enter my hallowed halls after like one date or two … you are instantly put on slore watch."
and no titty made an appearance .. there was no clothes shed. Just a simple kiss.. as I left..
Humble:I won't bring up any evidence here. I'll just say that if this were the case you might go out and bring someone with a big butt home. She ain't gotta know anything about you and you nothing about her. You can even take her out to dinner @ McDonald's.
You're smarta'ness is rubbing off on me.
A tease is no good. Someone to easy is no good. Yeah its rough … but so is the economy!
I 2nd this.
tease me? go home
Dont OFFER to put out in a timely fashion?…. ill think your trying to play and move on.
its rough out here.
Jolie. dont appologize for dating. its what your SUPPOSED to do. id rather more sistas actually went out and were proactive and tried to date and see what they like rather than sitting home and concocting a LIST of things a man MUST have before they even decide to go out on a date with him. this makes them become bitter abw's.
going out and dating is knowing love and trying to achieve it.
sitting home on a saturday night with a double date of ben and jerry is played.
Jolie,
SBM & Comeback Girl made some good points. Whether its the first or second date, unless you're willing to go there with the man, avoid hanging out at his place and at yours until you know the man better. #1 For your safety because you never know how a person will act behind closed doors.
Being in such an intimate setting leads to confusion for both parties and can lead down a path you might not want—but then again if you want it–go for it
I'm absent minded when it comes to female signals. So me hanging out with a bunch of girls is probably pretty safe, cause they would have to come right out and tell me or as SBM says, titty makes an appearance" for me to realize they want more than just platonic company. So maybe that guy is like me, if he is, just hope the ladies aren't freaks and your good.
@SBM
"I understand dating is just “fun” for ya’ll … but your treating it like a past time and a game for fun than the means to find someone serious. But then again … I don’t know “shat”"
It's easy for them to feel this way because we have to do all the work.
@Humble: You gotta demand more for yourself brother. Remember the Anti Celibacy Movement. Remember Backshots.
@Jolie: No half decent brother is going to let you pay for the first date unless he really just isn't feeling you. And I feel that you have some personal reason for feeling that I'm cheap … because thats a not a personal trait I promote here.
I understand your dates might have been casual … but I don't care personally. It still was a lot of dates and had you doubling up on certain days.
I swear girls are bigger into the dating 8 different people idea more than guys nowadays.
i agree, im all for dating like a who@re, with your legs closed while sending VERY clear signals.
@Humble: PREACH!!! If a first date just equated to 2 hours of my time and free food and drinks I probably would be on one every other day of the week.
@Jolie: Man … you got me preparing to pull a Hasani with all these sideline insults even though the majority agree with me.
I'll keep it simple for you this time:
If you go to a guy's house after one or two dates … he may very well think your easy!
That's it. I didn't make the rule … but I sure do subscribe to it.
@sbm: "And I feel that you have some personal reason for feeling that I’m cheap"
Its been said on here about 20-11 times! By uh.. YOU and by others … who ummm ..know you?!
should i refer to the exact post. since you seem to have amnesia.
"I swear girls are bigger into the dating 8 different people idea more than guys nowadays."
LOL SBM. Guys aren't completely innocent.
no one read the part where I said i've known him for a year. I was not trying to insult you SBM on the sidelines (whatever that means).. I am just coming with what I read.. and what has been put out there about you on this here site.. and i feel like you attack me sometimes ..for God knows why… but its cool.. maybe its your form of foreplay? tone: joking
jolie its ok hun he insults every female who isn't down to give him the ill nah nah
"for God knows why… but its cool.. maybe its your form of foreplay? tone: joking"
thats cute..LOL…why don't yall go out.
nope mikki u're wrong, even they fall victim.
@comeback:
"thats cute..LOL…why don’t yall go out"
No thanks. I'm good
right Teacia but he doesn't typically start out with insults, usually he feels people out first before he goes into attack mode, ya mean?
Just a damned minute, I don't recall SBM ever insulting me and I'm not down for even a kiss on the lips. Thanks Mikki.
Comeback you're so fun.
Convos turn so quickly on this here blog.
@SBM
"If a first date just equated to 2 hours of my time and free food and drinks I probably would be on one every other day of the week."
Word. If all I had to do is get dressed and step out I would go out every other day too.
** Walks in with freshly baked cookies and flowers. Offers everyone a hug **
mikki i think it's a defense mechanism for some insecurity…i wonder what it could be…hmmm?!?!?
hi daisy,
thanks for the cookie and the hug.
lmao Teacia Puleezzzz be on your P's n Q's today ok? lol have a cookie and a hug
ROTFLMAO
@teacia: I knew there was a reason I love you.
Wait a dam@n minute Daisy…thats my job LOL. I give out the cookies/
@Daisy – May I please have 2 cookies?
Thanks Daisy…how you girl?
Teacia-be nice.
jolie -tehhehehe
mikki no worries, i got midterms to study for anyways.
jolie eventually the truth will set him free, or i'll get blocked first…either way they're both pretty telling…lol.
jac, whaaat…i try man…i swear i do.
i really need to finish studying.
Song of the day
Bobby Brown "Humpin around"
on second thought. maybe I'll have a cookie.
chocolate chip and walnut
@Comeback
"thats my job LOL. I give out the cookies/"
Can I have some of your cookies too?
snickerdoodle, please!
@ Humble and Jolie certainly…
what the hel@l is goin on over at Payton place. I think its time for a commerical break. I can't wait for that movie W to come out.
@ Comeback – You were slipping on your job so I had to step in.
@ Humble – Two cookies AND some koolaid.
@ Jac – Girl, I'm good. How are you?
Man … having an ex as a commenter is hell. Remind me never to do that again.
@Jolie: I will admit … there was a time I would kinda sorta attack you … maybe just a lil. I like to argue and we have very different viewpoints … sue me. I will say I do try and keep from getting personal or nasty though.
But in the short amount of time that has passed today you called me cheap, simple, and exclaimed that I don't know "shat". Damn … really gotta a guy about to jump into Hasani mode … lol.
I'm sorry if my views on girls who come in after the first date isn't to your liking … but you act like I was hurling insults at you!
I told you already Jolie … you complete me. Its funny … but we are so similar in are writing and argument styles, yet agree on nothing. I don't know about you … but I honestly truly love our arguments.
But damn … can a n***a not be cheap and simple!
you got any peanut butter…i have a things for nuts.
@Daisy & Comeback – Any of you have white chocolate chip and milk chocolate chip cookies?
I thought the song of the day was "Don't want no short, short man." Maybe I was reading too much into what Teacia was "implying…"
"thought the song of the day was “Don’t want no short, short man.” Maybe I was reading too much into what Teacia was “implying…”"
HELLO over here. IS ANYBODY ANXIOUSLY awaiting W.??????
the movie
"Man … having an ex as a commenter is hell. Remind me never to do that again."
…yeah not a good look. you should definitely do better in the future.
"But damn … can a n***a not be cheap and simple!"
…the jury is still out on that one.
you know you can still block me, anytime you're ready i'm ready.
And Daisy, I may not be all that fond at the moment, but that was not my implication.
""I thought the song of the day was “Don’t want no short, short man.” Maybe I was reading too much into what Teacia was “implying…”"""
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shat! let the soap opera begin (scurries along to go get some popcorn)
@comeback: what is W?! (googling now)
Comeback the 17th right…I can't wait. I gotta catch up on about 3 or 4 movies this week though.
"I thought the song of the day was "Don't want no short, short man." Maybe I was reading too much into what Teacia was "implying…"
ROTFLMAO @ Daisy!!
I bow out!!!!!
@Comeback – I want to see W. But I am anticipating the new James Bond movie even more.
Hole up jolie all them dam#n dates you go on. Are yall going to the movies?????
yeah I think its the 17th. I didn't know a new bond movie was coming out Humble.
Before the ish begins, it was a joke. Mikki's the only one who laughed
(
Damn these cookies just made em think of a confession: I made chocolate brownies with chocolate icing on top this weekend. LOL
@Comeback
"yeah I think its the 17th. I didn’t know a new bond movie was coming out Humble."
Yeah, the bond movie comes out next month. You like bond movies? I haven't met too many women that like Bond movies. W. should be real interesting especially since it's an Oliver Stone movie.
"Before the ish begins, it was a joke. Mikki’s the only one who laughed
("
it was funny…but things around this here ranch are still a little..um…delicate.
Daisy we know…SBM on the other hand…yeah good luck with that, lol.
I really need to go, ttyl.
@comeback: i dont do movie dates. You dont get to know any one on a movie. Movie dates are people that i am dating on a consistent basis.
"haven’t met too many women that like Bond movies"
i liked the last one..but a man made me go. But I really was surprised how much I liked it. I also really love the some of the cars in those movies.
mik hit me back
Hmmmm…these cookies are delicious. Thanks Daisy and Comeback and I'm good girl.
I love movies, Comeback I can't wait.
yeah but Jolie you getting to date 2 and 3 and shyt. A movie and a discussion afterwards isn't bad. Since you LIKE movies and since your booty got velcro on it.
One day I'm gonna shut down this site and say good riddance.
But untill that day … can I get a black white cookie. The sugar cookie with half white frosting and half black frosting?
BTW … I think I'm gonna start going after white women now.
its the theatre or his house..hmmm…
as far as going to a girl's house on the first date:
i dont expect anything but a good time. My gameplan? Play it fast and loose, and take what the defense gives me.
My offense however, is potent. You flub on one of those plays, and I'm going right down the middle, right into that sweet sweet endzone. And you know I'm going for two.
Which is why every girl who's challenged me in Madden for XBOX has lost.
"BTW … I think I’m gonna start going after white women now."
well at least you gotta friend in Hasani. tag team dat lol.
SBM: Calm your ass down and go accept my FB request.
Comeback: I love movies and dinner or something after so I can talk about it! I also love dates which let me walk around NoLa. So purty here @ sunset.
SBM i Resent that last statement
"My offense however, is potent. You flub on one of those plays, and I’m going right down the middle, right into that sweet sweet endzone. And you know I’m going for two."
i need to take a moment for myself LOL
BTW … I was joking. I'll ban everybody before I shut the site down … lol.
And the search for my fine Nubian Princess continues. I just don't like mayo enough to switch teams yet.
@ SBM you should have a section on here called the meat market…where you actively set people up, including yourself. I think that would be cute.
Ewwwwwwwww Nicki are you secretly a white person?
@WhySo: I've never heard someone express it so eloquently …
Comeback: A meat market…that is cute.
Umm…SBM and mayo…eeeew.
@Mikki: "Nicki are you secretly a white person"
Dammit you blew my cover!
@Mik: J/K. I love it… Salad dressing aka Miracle whip… is sweet and I can't mix my salts and sweets. ECK.
Why so hit me up on the space…he he he.
Miracle Whip is a nasty ghetto MESS!
@nicki: yes those have been great dates and relatively inexpensive. men just need to show a lil creativity! I hope you men on here are taking notes… Especially YOU SBM!
LOL @ Jolie and a nasty GHETTO MESS. You ain't never lying though… these negros around here want to take you to the dinner, movies, dinner, moves… "what you wanna do? what YOU wanna do?" play that game for a little while. Now I have some suggestions from you to give these foos.
Comeback is cracking me up.
But Tea, you're not linked today.
Whyso: You would be going to http://www.myspace.com/donteacia. I hope you enjoy…Where you been today?
Comeback:U'z a trip. I think I'm having salad.
Jolie check out the trailer to W at http://www.filmreviews2go.com
lol y'all got me laughing in between typing up this doggone document thats 200 pages long.
Comeback I had a good penne pasta salad yesterday. My aunt can work magic on salads.
@Comeback
"you should have a section on here called the meat market…where you actively set people up, including yourself. I think that would be cute."
That would be interesting. Especially with the Anti-Celibacy and Celibacy Clubs.
@jolie
" I rather go apple picking, trapeze flying lessons, hay rides, tubing, indoor rock climbing.. (those are the latest dates i have been on.. other than the eating ones)"
I've tried doing things like this with some women. They look at me like WTF? Same reaction I get when I want to go to a restaurant thats not a franchise.
Don't get me started on the club Humble. Comeback I did get a chance to talk to Banana Republic and he asked me to come over. I said no but I really really superly duperly wanted to say "hell yea im on my way". I think the only reason I said no is because I got my eye on this one dude I like and i was thinkin he might be worth not giving up my good good to Mr banana head.
damn this club!!
@Mik: Stay strong, it will pay off. HELL at least you have a prospect. I'm tired of looking at myself in the damn mirror. LOL
Humble where the flip do u meet these damn women!!! damn!! step it the fugg up for goodness sakes n stop it with these hood chicks for the last time!!
*slightly annoyed*
So…to all the women out there…give a brotha a little help
What are good date ideas? I need more for my arsenal. Mwahahahaha
serious so why?
lol @ seriously so why?
that just allowed me to regroup,
humble I dunno if we lost anybody just yet, everybody is not here today, I am not doing roll call until Friday. I haven't seen warehouse in a few days so im good, and i got a new prospect so we shouldn't have to worry about him anymore.
check it
ADD ME MIKKI
My offer for anyone ready to defect still stands.
ACM … where getting it in is whats up!
@whyso: I like anywhere we can talk… and that's kind of impromptu, like meeting at a cafe. I also like book store dates…. anything to take the awkward bubble gut feeling. LOL
@Mikki
"Humble where the flip do u meet these damn women!!! damn!! step it the fugg up for goodness sakes n stop it with these hood chicks for the last time!!"
Damn Mikki this hasn't happened recently. I was talking about the past. I have no prospects right now. And havent had any for a while.
@Nicki Sunshine
"Not really a high five. This s*** sucks… excuse me while I go jump off the bridge now."
Lets hold hands and jump together. lol. I agree this sucks a*s big time.
@whyso:
some date ideas:
wine tastings
cooking classes
bar crawls
horseback riding
shooting range
indoor rock climbing
go carts
dinner theatre
hayrides
pumpkin patches with corn mazes (seasonal but good)
intro classes to low flying trapeze
color me mine (the pottery class)
I've been all these dates in my years of dating and they have all left a great impression! Just think outside the box guys.. Also depending on what city you live in walking tours are GREAT!
Whyso: I have a message for you. I need you to go to my blog at once. There's something there you must do. Please click the link. Let me know when you have done so.
Thank you. This has been a public service announcement.
*mouth wide open*
Disclaimer: I did not ask her to post that. I am grateful for my homie looking out but umm yeah I'm never that hard up.
@Sheila: I am a firm believer in the customized date concept. Big and flashy ain't really any good if she isn't into it. Wine Tasting is no good if she doesn't drink wine and hayrides won't work if she got hay fever and asthma.
@Jac: No comment …
SBM:I love u babe…I had to do it…it has me cracking up…
whats so funny??
@Humble: Holding hands and jumping is the business.
Mikki:Read above.
WAIT …before yall jump…I need yall's sweaters back. Them things aint cheap. Somebody's mama embroidered the torch BY hand, not sewing machine.
so hand them over…then yall can jump.
SBM-Y r u hating on my post? I mean seriously.
Comeback…I want to wear a skirt with my sweater…is that okay?
@Nicki Sunshine – I got your back. I could never let you do it alone. lol
@Comeback
"so hand them over…then yall can jump."
Can we at least look good when we jump?
@Jac: Yeah … I'm serious.
SBM:Sweetie…it's going to be okay. Sometimes it's like that. In fact, I have to deal with my ex in my face EVERYDAY. He does and says ridiculously dumb stuff in my fact. This is a blog, honestly…it could be way worse. Take a breath and keep walking.
naw imma need the sweaters…hand em over yall. This is a serious orginazation with serious doctrines and apparently both of yall think that just by jumping over a bridge you're out the group. You see this everlasting burning torch. its a flame of endurance, of strength… of a firm respectable vajayjay and of a pure pe#nis.
hand over the sweaters….you have just brought shame to us all..esp those that have been members since Jesus walked!!
Nicki:Put the brownies down.
@Comeback
"of a firm respectable vajayjay and of a pure pe#nis."
Can we switch those adjectives around?
@Comeback: Aw, we can represent the celibacy club in heaven????!!!
@Nicki Sunshine – I think in heaven we won't need the celibacy club. Thats why its called heaven.
Nicki: Oh yeah, I 'member now. It's okay then…eat away.
*hiding food from Nicki*
@Jac: Thanks dearie…
@jac: for shame girl… fo shame!
Jolie come on you don know you wanna go
@comeback: nah.. movie dates are for like the 6th and 7th … I rather go apple picking, trapeze flying lessons, hay rides, tubing, indoor rock climbing.. (those are the latest dates i have been on.. other than the eating ones)
@Jolie: “apple picking, trapeze flying lessons, hay rides, tubing, indoor rock climbing.. (those are the latest dates i have been on.. other than the eating ones)”
Ok I am moderately to severly jealous.
Jole you know I just like messin wit you LOL…apple pickin???
@ Jac i agree.
@SBM: ” mayo enough to switch teams yet.”
WTF? LOL. I love mayo!
seriously dont listen to any of these women as to whats a good date idea.
just treat a woman good and show her your value and she will come back.
god…. it took me some times to learn that. Uncle HNIC here used to be quite the inventive dater 10 months ago. 49 first dates lastyear… uugh.
I gave SBM and antidater a ton of headaches with my constant over zealousness and "simpyness"
Im a big beliver in you should try ohn purpose to make your 3rd date flop bigtime … just to see if the women is REALLY into you, or if she is into going out on dates. and I am also a huge beliver that flashy dates are no good. May be good for you guys who wanna have a chick to bang, but Im lookin for a mate, so I gotta know you can hang out with me when life is not glam and fab.
I cant suggest good dates, but let me tell you the first or 2nd dates I had with the women who have been dating me the longest.
Salsa ballroom:
Your local salsa ballroom usually has a open friday night. You can dress sexy as you want and then let her step on your feet all night. Women love a brotha who is sophisticated enough to learn a new art. if shes not a dancer you get to evaluate her on how she handles a situation where she is not an expert and not in control (which is how the relationship will be) Dancing close lets her feel your finely muscled frame and usually gets you nookie on date 2.
create a meal.
Miss June loved this. not sure every town has it. but tons of women cant cook these days. there are usually places you can go where they will provide the ingredients, the utensils and everything you need to cook, and you sit there and cook and eat your food with your date.
Bedroom: self explanatory
So I have a letter…
“Dear Ab(ner)…i mean SBM”
Im not sure what I should have for lunch. I really like Chick fil A, but I also am craving a salad. Should I get the chicken mcnuggets or just eat some lettuce. What to do.
hungry outside of DC
TCG
Are you seriously asking me how men… who are notorious for fuking things up… would fuk up a DATE? this is a trick question right?
A question i can actually answer and of course we have been way too busy at work today for me to even think about attempting this. I am sure you guys are already onto a new subject in comments but I am going to give my little piece of wisdom anyway…
As a girl that has mostly male friends, a girl that has been "the other woman" more often than I care to remember/admit, and some other factors that make me a subject matter expert in this area…
her man is cheating on her. plain and simple.
If he had mostly male friends and a couple female friends that were a part of his group of friends (and friends w/ the other dudes in the group) i would say he probably isnt cheating. But if all of his friends/people he goes to bars with are female and he has maybe one or two guy friends then he is cheating… and don't be fooled if he asks you to hang out with him and said friends… that is just a ploy…
this is my opinion…
“Dear Ab(ner)…i mean SBM
Im not sure what I should have for lunch. I really like Chick fil A, but I also am craving a salad. Should I get the chicken mcnuggets or just eat some lettuce. What to do.
hungry outside of DC
TCG”
So … this question comes from one of my personal favorite comments who has stuck with me (and hated me) since the very beginning when I found one of her blog posts captivating and wrote about it.
Now Comeback … don’t let any man dictate what you should eat. Food should be internally pleasing and make you happy.
So … its in my deep deep wisdom that has educated and helped hundreds … that I have to tell you to get the nuggets.
Besides … I’m so damn cheap that I can’t justify spending that much money on lettuce!
BTW … Palin is Hot!
"would fuk up a DATE? this is a trick question right?"
yeah so ..how would a man make it flop "bigtime" your words.?
@Mikki – Did we lose anybody? You didn’t give in to your warehouse syndrome did you?
Jac I won’t be able to until later luv, but soon as i get home i will
lmao why did warehouse just walk by haha, i haven’t seen him all day. thank for talking him up humble
lol at Miss Jan thru DEC and Alaska..you forgot Miss ER.
Has whatever happened to her?
@Humble: High five to humble being the one-is-the-loneliest- number club.
Not really a high five. This s*** sucks… excuse me while I go jump off the bridge now.
Why so serious…
Besides the norm, I would suggest listening to what the woman likes and cater it to them. For example, I love books so hanging out at Barnes and Noble is cool with me because discussing books is a favorite pasttime of mine; but other women might be turned off by it. I also like learning about and seeing historical artifacts so if the man sees a special exhibit is in town, going to the museum as a Saturday outing would be cool in my book too.
It’s all about catering to the woman.
I didn't forget her. She probably went to the OR to get away. I'd go under the knife too.
BTW-It’s gotta be understood I do it for the hood.
lmao @ Nicki and Humble yall 2 just need to CUT- IT – OUT
Stop the madness, throwback Thursday is coming up!!
Nickiz whyz uz aintz gonz homez yetz?
@Jac: Yeah … with love like that who needs enemies.
Don’t make me retract your ACM membership!
LMAO…awww babe she didn’t mean anything by it…lol…let me find out that beneath that hard exterior that you actually still care…cause last I checked…uh yeah.
I’m out … back to the safe comfort of burying myself in work.
Gonna break this program’s back … give it the bidness!
@Mik: Girl, I am. I’m at home, tearing up these brownies, until it’s time to leave for school.
@comeback: Dang you are harsh!
@Humble: thanks. I knew I could count on you.
@Jac: I cant. I’m getting bigger by the moment. Can’t stop, won’t stop.
no seriously… I have an outer influence making me eat like a pig. Once it’s come and gone, I’ll be back to normal.
@Humble: by golly I think you have a point. we will float on clouds and I can eat all the brownies and chocolate I want without having to worry about gaining.
nicki:don’t forget the sex…I’m jumping too…
And you’re welcome.
“Im a big beliver in you should try ohn purpose to make your 3rd date flop bigtime … just to see if the women is REALLY into you, ”
im very curious as to how a man might go about this? please …help me undertand this.
Hasani…interesting.
I think that while dates are cool and I’m all for doing things.
One of my ideal dates during my college career was feeding ducks.
And correct me if I am wrong, but how can you tell a man how to please a woman as man. Honestly, most women don’t know how to please their best friend. Seriously, I think Comeback, Jolie and Shelia do a better job.
You can’t speak for all men or all women. Only Miss January through December and Alaska.
Just some suggestions:
1. Tap in your insecurities first…look at things from your past that inform how you perceive things in your current relationship…work that out.
2. Ask if this man has ever given you a reason to doubt him; if you can find a way to bring this up without being accusatory, go for it. If not, don't cuz then he'll get all defensive.
3. Offer to meet up with him one day after work. And do so with an open mind…don't assume you "know" whats going on or anything like that.
4. Discern between your intuition and your insecurities…the messages can sometimes sound like they are coming from the same place.
5. And no, you are not off for asking these questions; women are shady, and men can be too…
thats a lot of egg shells to walk on to “know” what you already “know”.
lol at Miss Jan thru DEC and Alaska..you forgot Miss ER.
Has whatever happened to her?
Miss ER is like gods creation of a divine woman, so theres really nothing to ever say about her.
I am actually very thankful and highly appreciative for the current set of women I am dating. I am pretty much a happy man every night that I wake up
oh and I only gave the name of miss June because she was a "rival" of miss may, who was a swimsuit model when she was younger.(june comes after may) "May" was the month of the calendar she was in so thus the title. June I found out isnt even really a model, she just did fashion shows…. what a jip!
but at least I give my dates creative names! and not just ONE FRIGGIN LETTER miss comebackgirl. :p
one thing I find amazing…. and yes im gonna generalize again just so most of you can claim to be special and say “not me”
Most of you guys would NEVER date a black man who didnt take you on a fancy date. claims of “oh I like a simple date” are only things you say on the internet to look “like a down chick”
I still remember getting lambasted on this very blog for saying I met a first date at outback. called a cheep ass nigga and seven kinds of scrub for a $70 meal. hell back in those days that was my take home pay for an entire nights work!!
Thats why I can appreciate when a gal can come off her high horse. Miss june is about as snobby and posh as they can come. Our 2nd date was meeting at the watterfront and watching the ducks. you know how friggin funny it is to make a sista walk around on loose dirt and gravel in high heel shoes?
how can you tank a date? ah ha! date #3 with June. according to her at that time she had pretty much relegated me to “dat nigga Ill call when I have errands to run”
I drove her car and we went to go run errands for her. (that part is important)
We missed the movie she wanted to see, I musta misred the times and only 2 movies play at princeton theater… darn we shoulda gone to Regal
had to get up and leave dinner once we sat down because I was too sick to eat… which made us cut the night short.
I helped her with her errand, which involved heavy lifting.. supposedly all Im good for… and after fastening it down on her car and saying our goodbyes. I didnt give her a hug and hoped in my car as fast as I could to drive away. she was rather unpleased with the date.
phone rings 3 minutes later. Seems her car wouldnt start and her battery was dead……….. guess someone musta left the lights on
so I just happened to have jumper cables (I have a jump box but cables look cooler) so I drove back to “save her”
She started crying because the whole night was a wreck. I let her cry on me and told her Id always be around if she needed me since I wasnt like every other nigga out there.
she let me know that I had earned “madd points” by comming back to “Rescue her” and for listening to her when she was upset about everything. I told her I liked her alot and asked her how many other men would not only come back to rescue her after a disaster of a date, but would go through the trouble of leaving her lights on just so he could come back and save her.
this woman is an admitted “recovering ABW” and laughed so hard at my admission. but as I told her, I know what I want and I make sure I get it by any means necessary. she said I wasnt the common breed of man she had dated and was going to reconsider going on another date.
and 5 months later here we are dont cha love a happy ending?
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