***** Admin Note *****
I want to welcome and introduce Slim Jackson. He writes over at Three Ways to Take It and has decided to bless us with posts, we’re still banging out (pause) the details, but I figured everyone would eventually get tired become over stimulated with my compelling writing … so time to bring on other poignant SBMs. Enjoy
- SBM
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In the world where people can see my face and not just an avatar or alias, I carry a lot of female friends. Yes, I’m the exception to the rule. I’m the sexy heterosexual male that has a lot (pronounced 3-4) of platonic relationships. Seriously though, there’s no touchy touchy feely feely.
I’m the relationship counselor and adviser for many a woman trying to understand a dude, get a dude, lose a dude, or outwit a dude. I’m also the dude tryna stop other dudes from effin up and ended up stalked or in a court room. But sometimes, there’s a conflict of interest. Even while trying to be a good friend to my platonic lady friends, I recognize the Man Laws out there and try to avoid committing crimes of Hate on my brethren. Nobody wants to be the snake-@ss pillow talkin herb (remember that word?) that always seems like he’s hating just so he can get some bunz. I went to school with those type of dudes and I remember how much I wanted to chop them in the throat. Example:
“I’m tellin’ you. He’s been slidin with chicks recklessly. I seen him and his boys runnin a train in the basement after the party last week. He’s not good for you (But I am)”
Now I’d never actually say this about a dude unless I blatantly disliked him. At the same time, I wouldn’t let a good lady friend jump onto a gigantic piece bed of nails. So perhaps I’d say something more along the lines of:
“A lot of girls like dude. Are you sure you wanna deal with that?”
If she doesn’t get the slight hint, then she may have to be on her own…unless I heard a rumor that he’s burning up wit the Bumpy Johnson. But yeah, there are some things I can’t help a chick with regardless of how good a friend she is. One of those things is helping her find a man. It’s just a conflict all around. If I introduce her to any of the dudes I know, she’ll most likely end up angry at me cuz she got some Vitamin D and none of the residual (long term relationship) benefits. If she’s lucky, she’ll get a few good O’s. Then again, we all know how tough that can be for you women folk. I digress though. Point is that the dude will be salty at me cuz now he has to deal with awkward conversations explaining why he doesn’t want anything more with shorty that a Sexual Eruption. She’ll be salty cuz I set her up for failure like a bad coach or teacher. If it’s some other random dude I pointed her to, I’ll have to solve all their issues going forward until they burn each other’s house down. I don’t want a part of any of that.
So in the wonderful world of blogging, I’ll continue to advise, offer opinions, and play internet matchmaker for those risky enough. But in the real world (ladies and sometimes gents), don’t ask me to help you find a significant other. I’ll find an excuse to avoid you until you wanna talk about sumthin else.
- Slim “I’ll help you break up with your significant other but won’t help you find one” Jackson
Slim, that's probably best–for the reasons you already outlined. Keep yourself out of the middle and there won't be any drama. I've had house parties where mutual friends have met and clicked and have tried to ask me questions about the other. If he or she is a dog or doggette, I would give them a hint to stay clear. If they were both pretty decent folks, I would let them know that I didn't want to be hearing about any of their dates, lack of, sexapades etc. IF it worked out, send me an invite to the wedding; if it don't, don't get mad at me.
First off, whatup Slim. You know I check your site so it's good to see you doin your thing here as well. SBM, whatup phrat.
I think alot of dudes have close female friends like this, sometimes they don't even realize it. I agree that balancing friendship and Man Law is awkward at times but it's really needed for the greater good. Dudes do alot of dumb stuff and it's up to the male friend to keep shorty calm before shit cuts his azz. So help on and just don't talk to my lady.
I agree about not hooking up friends… It's a disaster waiting to happen…. same with hooking them up with family. If I'm at a party and they meet, cool, but I won't purposefully do it either.
Welcome Slim! and yes hooking up friends was something i swore off early thi year because of a situation that got too messy. I've heard of these man laws (my PLATONIC bestfriend outlined them for me one night, i just though they were a figment of his imagination lol).
You're braver than me on matchmaking. Last people I played match maker to got married, now I'm out of the business.
Good post. I have played matchmaker many times and it has turned out horrendous. I will still introduce friends but once the introduction is made I'm outta there.
I'm in the process of drafting up a contract. Bout to make people pay me a Finder's Fee if dude ends up puttin a ring on it.
I'm about to start using the word herb again…lol
everyone goes to the net to get info now anyway… so forget the real world advice… the web is where its at!
Hey, Slim. Love Three Ways and glad to see you over here. Your article is spot-on and I'd go even further to say that this ain't limited to opposite sex friends. I'm wary about hooking up a female friend with a male friend because I want to salvage our friendship. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship I have with each person.
And I co-sign Eb on the web advice. When it comes to asking a friend advice? Google is the friend you turn to.
Google is the friend that will make you think you have the Monster when all you have is the common cold. Me and Google have a love-hate relationship.
Hey Slim. You already outlined the top reasons to not hook people up.
lol @ Man Law I have guy friends and i've about man law… I can respect that.
My friend tried to hook up with my cousin i told her he's in a different place than you are… he is my cousin i wouldn't flat out say he'll only hit it and be done. she pursued him and then came to me 4 advice when he took weeks o return calls etc… I already told her he's in a different place
Howdy Slim and Welcome to SBM.
IMO this seems to be a one-way street with women being the ones left in shambles crying on your shoulders or hawking at your ear (why that sorry MF don't call me no more???) Dudes may get jilted too but I doubt they're gonna cry to anyone about it. The most you may get is a what's up with your homegirl?
@Cuzzo: I cry … just thinking about it is making me … making me … OOOHHHH Shaquala … WHY GIRL!!!
Whew … just had to get that out.
But honestly, I love praying on the friends of my female friends. I'm a generally nice guy, so you don't gotta worry about me hitting and dipping … but its good to actually have someone who can give you that inside scoop as your trying to get at said chic.
"Oh … SBM … how did you know Fettuccine is my favorite dish and gets me wet"
"IDK … lucky guess …"
"But honestly, I love praying on the friends of my female friends. "
mmhmmm and preying on them too
lol @ catching the typo.
Man law > My female friends
but then again… New Pussy > You but not at the cost of Rep.
Rep brings you the pussy. women like men, not guys who act like chicks.
I have been living hard by man law rules this year and biting my tongue alot. There are alot of times I could bash an EX to prop myself up, but I wouldnt want another brotha doin the same to me.
now, as far as giving advice to women? Im pretty blunt. I want dating to go better for anyone who asks me. so If you ask me, "do you think he will find out im cheating on him" Im gonna tell ol girl "yes, because I think your a tramp who cant stop"
So Im realistic with people about advice and my opinion, but im not selling out another man just to slip someone vitamin D.
I'vs had a bit too much action this year, I dont need any more, The no Vacancy light is on in my bedroom window.
@Slim: Why are your squares darker than mine? I'm jealous …
@SBM: It's kinda ironic given that I'm a light-skinned fellow.
Oddly enough, i've been hooked up by friends over the years and no matter which way the situation ended up (always bad), i NEVER blamed them. I see it like this, the person you know as a friend, is a totally different person in a relationship with the opposite sex. Even if, as a woman, my best friend is a guy, i still don't know how he is one on one with a woman, so what happens between the two of them, is not my fault and vice versa. I'll let the person that hooked me up know that it didn't work out and keep it moving, i read somewhere that the best chance to meet someone nice is through a hook up. It has not worked for me yet, but i'm not giving up hope.
Thankfully, my bestest (yeah i said) friend is a guy and he has no issues telling me when a dude that i'm seeing is full of shit (in those words) and that i need to tell him to kick rocks and just move on. I feel blessed to have him as a friend, though sometimes I feel as though he just might be wrong, don't listen and then find myself wishing that I had one or two dates back. oh well c'est la vie!
hi am want to be a singer and my pernts don't like that i want to be a singer .. plz i want to be like demi lovato ..blz