As men … we are faced with difficult decisions every single day of our existence. Most of them aren’t life changing decisions … but we must carefully navigates this labyrinth of choices in order to successfully make it through the day. Some that come to mind …
Are these pants clean enough to wear again?
Do I rock the black Aldo’s … or go casual with the Nike Boots?
Should I stop talking to crazy Kim? She tried to run me over … but man the head is incredible.
But these are easy … no, Aldo’s, and no (good head is hard to find she’s a nice girl). You don’t have to think too hard, and what’s the worst that can happen … your shoes don’t match your shirt.
There are a set of questions, a unique grouping of interrogations, that can send shivers down the spine of any man … single or not. Your typical SBM will come across them every once in awhile … but if your in a relationship (or even worst married) … may God have mercy on your soul and may you heed my advice.
I’m talking about those “set-up” questions … the ones that your forced to answer … but can never answer right.
I’m talking about … “Does this make me look fat?” … type of questions.
*brrrggghhh* … I’m shivering just thinking about it
Some that come to mind:
- Does this make me look fat?
- Have I gained weight?
- Does this look good on me?
- What exactly do you mean by that?
- What exactly are you apologizing about?
- What did you just say?
- Do you think (insert some woman’s name) is attractive?
- Do you like big butts (asked by Ms. Gluteus Minimus herself)?
- So … you like big breasts (as she puts on her a-cup bra)?
Why are we subjected to such torture? Why is it that not answering is not a valid answer? Why is it telling the truth (if negative) makes us an asshole? Why is it that lies are called out? WHY?!?!?!
*break* … story time … based off of someone calling into the radio
Marcus: “Baby … you ready to go”
Kiesha: “Have I put on weight since you met me? Have I gotten fat?”
M: “Sweetheart … you look sexy. I love your body.”
K: “You didn’t answer my question!”
M: “What do you mean? Honey … you look great.”
K: *sounds slightly irritated* “I asked you if I gained weight.”
M: “Baby, you don’t need to ask me that question. Just go try on some of those jeans you had on when I met you.”
K: *silence … then the oh so slow turn with “the face” (you know what the f* I’m talking about)* “You know what …”
It’s clear to say … Marcus and Keisha were late … and Marcus went to sleep with dry balls.
Why did Keisha ask the question? And why is it that when Marcus came up with a very good (props) answer that reaffirmed her beauty … she still pressed the question? Why was Marcus punished for eventually being honest (dry balls is punishment)?
Whether your dating someone, in a committed relationship, or married with kids … your going to get these questions. Its a phenomenon as old as time, and has managed to confuse, confound, and aggravate more men than Beyonce’s “Put a Ring on it”.
My question is to the woman though … Why do you to it to us? Why do you do it to yourselves?
It’s become apparent that the truth isn’t the right answer. It’s obvious that not answering doesn’t work. We just saw that avoiding the question with a compliment doesn’t help (that one shocked me … I coulda swore he was in the clear as I was listening). Lies are the best option … but why the hell would you ask a question you want to be lied to about?
Women … I know your out there … help us … please?
this funny..good post.
sometimes asking leading questions is a sign of insecurity
in my opinion anyway.
" do u think my friend is sexy?"
"she aight."
"oh so you be looking at her?"
u want the truth? u can't handle the truth…lol
You are right… they are confusing questions… I think they are stupid. Either way, you lose… you lie or you tell the truth and get the silent treatment.
Choose whatever is nicer, sometimes we just want our ego stroked.
Who knows why we do the crazy things we do….I agree these questions are stupid because they are never going to result in a satisfactory response.
I stopped asking these types of questions after the one time my husband responded, "Yes, those pants ARE too tight, you should put on something different"
"Do you think (insert some woman’s name) is attractive?
Do you like big butts (asked by Ms. Gluteus Minimus herself)?
So … you like big breasts (as she puts on her a-cup bra)?"
These 3 questions right here are the worst (esp. the attractive one) and they've gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past. I really don't understand why women ask these questions. I'm not one for lying to you about things like this. If you don't want to hear the truth please don't ask me because thats what you're gonna get regardless of how it makes you feel. *shrugs shoulders*
Always, always, always feign ignorance. It works in court. It works in front of Congress. It works on the girlfriend.
I dated a chick that whenever I answered her questions truthfully, she claimed I was tryna hurt her feelings. Imagine 215 lbs of Slim Jackson walkin' on tiny lil egg shells. Needless to say, that relationship ended (years ago).
I will say deny, deny, deny.
Whatever she says just be like "Ummm….no"
We know you're lying, but we'll still smile.
Uhm…I thought these questions were only asked by women on TV? Not.Real.Life?
Some of you bammaz are going to learn that you have to tell these women the truth…period. Even if it hurts, it will help in the longrun.
I had someone I was seeing for only a couple of months. In that period, some of my friends that I spoke to were still withins phone reach but it was just limited to that. The chick I was seeing asked me "do you get flirty messages from other women?" I was silent. I said I wasn't going to answer it. She whined and made long ass faces and was like "just tell me the truth." So I did and said "yes." As soon as she started kickin up a stink I said "you asked, I told…now what?" She shut up. Don't ask the CPT and then push him…because I will tell you da truf.
I'm sooooo guilty of this and I don't know why we do this..I'd say its because we want the truth and we just want to please you and know that you are pleased but it never ends well. I asked "what are two things you'd like me to have or would you change about my body" he answered "a bigger booty" lets just say that hurt my feelings..but hey I asked..so I will forever have a complex about my baby booty! and whenever we pass a big beauty girl I wonder "does he want my booty like hers" TORTURE I tell you why do we torture ourselves and most times our men. I will do better!
I hate those dumb questions. I realized the best way to answer a stupid question that is an obvious trap is to force the woman to realize how stupid it is and make her answer it. It may lead to blue balls, but I can get some reading done or watch the game in peace. Typical conversation:
Babbling, Inquisitive Girlfriend: Have I gained weight?
Hugh Jazz: Excuse me?
BIG: You heard me. Have I gained weight?
HJ: When you were born, I'm sure you weighed less than a pound, so you've gained a considerable amount of weight.
BIG: Stop being stupid, I mean since we've met.
HJ: How much did you weigh when we met?
BIG: About 145.
HJ: How much do you weigh now?
BIG: 161.
HJ: I know I have an engineering degree and I'm well versed in mathematics, but are you seriously telling me you don't know if 161 is more than 145?
BIG: You know what n!gg@, you're and @$$h0le! (grabs coat and purse, storms out door)
HJ: Eh. (Dusts off Nintendo 64, plays a few games of Ms. Pac Man)
Of course I may have blue balls that night, but I won't hear that stupid question again.
@ Hugh Jazz
That is too funny. LOL. I think I'd have been fed up with you as well. But it's still funny.
@Hugh Jazz: That is officially the best method to handle the question … and sadly … being a (computer) scientist and a certified smart ass … that is exactly how I would have answered the question.
One of these days I'll learn to lie to protect feelings, but thats reserved for FwBs and JOs. If I actually like … or dare I say … love … this woman, then she must get a smart ass truthful answer. That's the SBM way of saying "Baby … I love you".
I am definitely an azzhole and I will tell u the correct answer to whatever question you have told me unapologetically and without as much as a blink. Dont ask me no dickheaded question and not want the answer. I dont care what the implications of my answers are but thats part of my character and you probably knew that was the type of person I was before we starting talking anyway.
There is no win, all you can do is try to handle the fallout and manage the damage.
@ The Tahoe – I aint even about managing no damage. Why ppl so damn sensitive these days? Yea chick, you fat and I'm still with you. You dont wanna be fat no more? Lose weight. Yea nukka you dcik is small, eat pussy. You dumb, you better look good. PPl always complaining about something, its quite annoying. Sorry about the rant.
@Peyso: Man … its gonna be aight. You sound mad … like you just got asked one of them questions this morning (which wouldn't shock me).
@Peyso
Tellum, mayne!
If the ladies have no problem telling me my faults then they should have no problem getting an answer to something they ask. Of course, tact is needed but you will get a straight answer.
I'm guilty of asking these questions, and it's usually due to needing reinforcement at the time. A compliment oftentimes pleases me, though. I've never felt the need to push the issue.
I think I've only asked ever the "gained weight" and "look good in this" questions with my current sweetie and I've gotten back honest answers… and that's what I wanted. I knew I gained weight by the way my clothes fit but I asked cause I wondered if it was noticeable. He said yea and then I started going to the gym with him. I ask because I'm truly concerned and need to know forreal, not to trap or get into an argument… I'm allergic to arguments.
I try not to ask questions to which one answer or the other would be one I don't want to hear. If you already have an answer in mind when you ask a question, the rule should be DON'T ASK IT….. cuz apparently you already know the answer. My kids get cussed out for this (ok, not cussed, but definitely "Then what are you asking me for if you already know the answer???").
If you can't handle the truth, then STFU. You known if your ass is big already. There are enough problems in the world, no sense going and creating more.
Hmpf.
@Peyso..I feel ya, but see you got to understand the mind state of woman, they are about 90% emotional and 10% logical, and they based the majority of their decisions and actions on that ratio, men are about the reverse, so if a women asks you "do these jeans make me feel fat?" logic would say "yeah what use to be a small muffin top, has turned into the baker's dozen" but they dont want to hear that, cuz they "dont feel bigger" so it doesnt count. so there is no winning.
Oh My Goodness. I hate these questions. Even though Im a woman, I usually hear them from my mom all the time. I just flipped a bit yesterday when she asked me if her skin looked clearer. She usually asks me something about her physical appearance at least twice a week. Its annoying as hell.
Going through all that with her is the main reason I NEVER ask guys questions about my phyical appearance. If I look good, he'll either give me a compliment or tell me with his eyes.
That works for me.
@ Tahoe – I just dont care about how they feel when it comes to those kind of questions. Dont ask the question if you dont wanna answer or if you're gonna discredit my answer anyway. Just like women have to stop putting up with men's BS, men have to stop putting up with their foolishness.
@ peyso
i am not saying put up with it, but you cant get angry. you gotta understand their perspective, then you will realize in "their" mind it is not a silly or even crazy question. then you just come up with a silly answer that will fit thier needs, for example:
gf: Do i look fat in these jeans?
tahoe: what brand of jeans are those?
gf: just some i got at old navy, why?
tahoe: oh, cuz they look a little tight, but you know they run small, cuz they made for white girls.
gf: oh yea, thanks..
@ Tahoe – I dont get angry. Aint no sweat off my back. But lets switch methods one day (pause) and see how it works out.
I'll admit it- I've done this, but only to watch the dude squirm… then I chuckle to myself and wait for him to try and make it up to me, even though he didn't do anything wrong.
MUAHAHAHAHA
Evil? yes.
Necessary? no.
Fun as all hell? HELL YEAH!
lol
@ peyso and everyone that is interested…if you really want an example how women are emotional creatures, take a vow to be "emotionless" for 24 -48 hrs when dealing with them, basically be non different on everything, from the weather to food…for example, girl asks you how was your day just say "ehh it was alright" , how was dinner "ehh, it was alright",etc. it will drive them crazy.
@ Tahoe- I've done that for 12 hours and it caused all sorts of issues.lol. That def works…I wouldn't advise it though. Don't forget that one sex can be particularly spiteful.
@Tahoe….you might want to warn somebody that tries that method that they might get blacked on. Women can be very dangerous when they don't get the answer they want… i.e. no loving long time
@The Tahoe: I live every day of my life like that (or I try). Emotions are for the birds …
@ everyone, of course, men (not males, males are men who carry female traits) use logic 90% of the time and emotion about 10%, so if the food cured my hunger it is good = "alright"; if i still find my lady sexy with the 20 lbs she added, it is good = "alright"
Majority of the time, this is just something that women ask to reaffirm themselves from the obvious reality they already know. I've had this discussion with males and females throughout the masses and its just something that happens. Some friends state that they ask their partners that to see if they're truly paying attention in to everything going on in the relationship. While some just don't care even to ask of their partner's opinion. Question: Why it is assumed that all women forsake honesty? Me, myself I'd rather you be 100, than to lie and make matters worse, when u kno my ass has spread more than a lil bit! It just goes back to don't ask for what you can't handle.
great blog.
We women are puzzling. I've asked questions I know I don't want the answer to; I don't know for the life of why I even bothered to asked.
Sadly, sometimes we want the lie to reassure us or stroke our egos.
Even though I did get mad when he answered with the truth I didn't want to hear, I appreciated that. We calm down after a while. Bear with our craziness lol.
Questions like that are just based on insecurities. If you feel insecure about your looks (positive attributes and flaws), your relationship, etc, you may feel the need to ask questions like that. Sort of fishing for a compliment, but expecting a negative answer, yet hoping the answer will be different than the negative one you expect.
All I can say is that, if woman asks you a question like that, give a truthful answer. However, people should avoid asking these types of questions b/c it's not healthy.
@Hugh Jazz: Best answer ever. Dumb ass questions warrant dumb ass answers.
People already know not to ask me a question if they don't want the unfiltered truth. Even if I attempt to let a lie spill from these lips, the real answer is lucidly written all over my face.
Wow! I don't know what was more interesting the post or the comments. First of all, if a woman calls you an asshole it is NEVER a good thing and what it translates into is that you lack EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE which if analyzed even deeper probably means you are not capable of LOVING anyone appropriately. Point made. Next thing, I read through your conversation and you did everything but answer her question. Let me tell you sumthin any woman who is not a dumb blonde or doormat HATES it when you avoid her questions. It makes you seem cunning and dishonest at the least. So like one of the brothers in the post said, just answer the freakin question honestly and then affirm her by telling her that she is still beautiful to you. This is PROPERLY focus the problem back where it belongs and that's on her. IF she is unhappy wit her weight she will eventually have to admit it to herself, witout having you to blame for it. Why do we ask these questions because all human beings have insecurities and women just happen to vocalize them just as men would if they were as comfortable with vulnerability. Yes it is annoying but it comes wit the responsibility of an intimate relationship. If you want me you can't take 3/4 and leave the rest tucked away. All or nothing!