Lately, I’ve been gettin’ a lot of my blog fuel from previous posts and comments. I made reference in a post on Three Ways to Take It to the concept of the Strong Black Man and the Strong Black Woman. As I was scribing that post, I thought about how we’re always talkin’ about findin’ that “Strong” person to hold us down through good times and bad. I think it’s absolutely critical to desire a person like that when we’re considering a long term relationship.
Nobody wants to date a chump, wimp, sissy, insecure ass, feeble, debilitating, wack, lame, insecure individual…unless they’re all of those things themselves. I like ‘em Strong, but why is it that Black people need to place the term Strong before the gender to differentiate the person from anybody else that is resilient and has their ish together? I’ve noticed that we’re the only group that needs to throw this word around. It kinda irks me. On top of this, the meaning and image that comes to mind when we reference this “Strong” individual changes depending on who you ask.
A Strong Black Man can be the minimum 6 foot dude that looks like he’s chiseled out of stone and lets off an abundance of swagger testosterone and comes home from work glistening with the sweat of a hard day’s labor. He can be that single father raising his kid while the mother is off somewhere dealing with her issues or engaging in activity that is nothin’ short of unproductive (i.e. drugs, sleeping around, partyin’ extra hard).
The Strong Black Man can be the intelligent brotha’ with the not-too-thick glasses that wears a suit to work, earns a good paycheck, and comes home to rub his woman’s feet after a long day at the office. He can be the dude that will turn into a beast whenever someone speaks or interacts in a fashion that he perceives negatively toward his woman. He can be the human orgasm machine. Regardless of how you look at it, the Strong Black Man is usually a positive description of one of us that some percentage of women desire. That’s great isn’t it? I think this is generally accepted across the races, though it’s something that only really matters to Black women.
But what about the Strong Black Woman? From what I’ve gathered through many a conversation, it isn’t always a good image. To the Caucasian boss who can’t break with the long held stereotypes and deep-seeded racist tendencies in his head, she could be perceived as a woman that he doesn’t want to deal with daily because the term comes across as being…well…a b*tch. I certainly don’t think that, but we’ve all heard the stories of the successful ambitious Black woman being limited in opportunities solely because her personality is too…well…”Strong”. The Strong Black Woman can be the ride or die chick that stands by her man regardless of what type of mess he got himself into as long as it isn’t another woman. Then again, we’ve all seen the woman who has stood behind her man even after she knows he’s done some real dirt. No need to give examples. You already know exactly what I’m talkin’ about.
But even to Black men, the concept of the Strong Black Women can bring some negative connotations. Some of us hear the term and immediately think attitude and an excessive desire to proclaim one’s independence. We’ll think of coming home to someone with a “take no sh*t” attitude that’s gonna’ give us a hard time even when we don’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong. And perhaps the most infuriating thing of all to Black women is the man that opts to date elsewhere because he “can’t deal” with a Strong Black sista’. I’m not sure who to blame for this misconception; but then again, is it really a misconception? I think that lies in the eyes of the beholder.
Regardless, I’ll never truly understand why we need to preface a good Black person with the term “Strong” as if we’re expected to not have our sh*t together. Actually, I think I just answered my own question. Maybe we need to start just expecting more of each other in general. I don’t care what the statistics say about us. I honestly believe there’s a lot more good brothas out there than people think. All the other races can classify each other without prefacing them with a word like Strong, so maybe we should do the same thing. Just some food for thought.
Chiseled & Polished,
"Maybe we need to start just expecting more of each other in general. I don’t care what the statistics say about us. I honestly believe there’s a lot more good brothas out there than people think."
Totally agree. When I think about it, I've heard many address me as a Strong Black Woman because I beat the statistics and got my ish together but I don't think I'm "strong" because of it. I've made it through on determination and I think many in our generation are doing the same. We expect more from each other and in turn I think we are all getting "better" because of it. We are holding each other to a higher standard. Nice post.
I agree that the concept of the Strong Black Woman can bring negative connotations. There are two main reasons (in my opinion) for this.
1. There is some truth behind the negative aspects, all sterotypes are based on at least a kernel of truth and there are some (not all) black women who think being strong means being aggressive and not taking any sh*t.
2. The sterotype is perpetuated through the media. Look at the role black women usually play in TV and movies – the sassy "girlfriend" or the "black Bi!ch". This has an effect on how others view black women.
I don't see this general perception changing any time soon (if ever) so it is up to the individual women not to feed into this sterotype unless that's just how they desire to act. You can be "strong" without all the negative aspects.
I know that the strong, overly ambitious and intelligent sista who will tell you off in a heartbeat is a little too much for Artic Pimp…it makes me feel like I am always walking on thin ice. To be honest, even with a black president – a brotha is already on thin ice sans strong/angry black woman.
I agree with Arctic Pimp…more coming.
Wow…I think a Strong Black Women can be something good to have on your team. For starters, why do I feel like if a Black man could appreciate a SBW more then the rest of society might too.
For example, people tried to vilify Michelle…well she's strong and when you see that the brotha appreciates her…people had to ease off. Now … as Arctic Pimp pointed out women should not try to show their strength by doing a whole bunch of snapping and popping off either. It's not very becoming and won't keep a man.
I was just having a conversation about the skewing of statistics to make it appear as though it is something rare to come in contact with a young black educated man/woman. She could not understand why the fellas at this after work event behaving the way in which they were until I told her that they have yet to realize that there are actually far more of them and us (educated, single, prolly no or only one child) than the media wants us to believe…therefore they were acting as though young black women should be excited to interact with them…as though they were rare jewels….and not the norm
This is definitely something to think about. I never really considered the term "strong black man" as offensive. More than anything I use it as a compliment.
I guess I say it because in some cases there really isnt another way to describe them. Some men are just so determined, so smart, focused, and well, strong, that I need a handy term to sum it all up.
I agree completely about holding each other to a higher standard though, and I practice what I preach. Lets be honest though there are plenty of "good" black men and women out there, but it seems like the "bad" ones stay on my damn tv. I guess that helps to fuel the stereotypes we have for each other.
"Maybe we need to start just expecting more of each other in general."
Very true Slim…
Strong black man makes me think of back when I was on modeling school. The agents introduced us to this guy and call him her "big, strong, handsome buck of a black man." That statement offended me, it took me back to slavery… but he just seemed to smile it off.
i dont think the term is offensive, i just think its inital meaning has gotten twisted. It use to describe someone's mentality however, now it comes to describe physical characteristics like the chisled male or the neck swinging female.
There was article about this topic in Ebony many year ago. Check it out http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_n9…
Thanks for the link. I'll check that out.
I don't think either term is offensive, but as noted, the connotations have become specific. Any other perspectives out there on this?
Great post. I agree, that the image of the strong Black man can take many shapes and form, whereas there is sort of a boiler plate image about who the strong black woman is. As I fall into this category, its annoying at times because people assume they know about me because of what they see on the surface. And while I am "strong," I'm not one-dimensional. None of us (men and women) are.
I think black folks use the word "strong" as a term of self encouragement, and development of positive self identity. Throughout our history, we have had to build each other up, and have done so by qualifying some of our traits. Other groups may not have to use positive words as much to, b/c historically, they have not have systems and people trying to tear them down.
I think a strong black man no whens to fall back and let his strong black woman do her thing. The same thing goes for women. A strong black woman knows when to shut up and let a man be a man. Its simple as that.
Good topic. The change starts with the individual. I personally don't think anything negative when I hear the word "strong" added or not added in front of Black man/woman.
The best thing to do is to accept folks just the way they are without any preconceived ideas.
I agree with this post in theory, but I think we need a new term to describe what you're talking about beside "Strong Black Woman," because that term has been so co-opted by Omarosa-types of black women who use it as a euphemism for being a totally abrasive, confrontational and unlikable bitch. Kind of like how "thick" used to be a great term until fat chicks began using it as a euphemism for obese and ruined that term too.
@Peyso
I don't think it is as simple as saying a black woman needs to know when to shut up. Women's lib has had a major impact on black relationship dynamics. Women can do anything a man can do…and probably better (in their opinion). So, technically speaking…there is no point in time when women *have to* shut up (to them) or know their role.
Society has basically said the role is getting re-defined…and they get to write the definition. Great for them…not hot for us men
I think a strong black man no whens to fall back and let his strong black woman do her thing. The same thing goes for women. A strong black woman knows when to shut up and let a man be a man. Its simple as that.
I knew I liked you for a reason. I somewhat agree….however, I think they should both be able to work together as well. I don't think we should be abnormally b*tchy and be like n*gga peace out…cause I'm doing this…I think we should try to be more harmonious. I don't need to be put in my place and neither do you the strong black man.
@ Arctic Pimp – I think it is in a way that simple. But notice that i said it goes both ways. A relationship is a continual dynamic compromise, meaning that you will be continually compromising for the sake of your relationship and your sanity. Yes the women's movement taught women to stand up for their rights. Yes the crack era and history there after have taught black women to be the head of their homes, however, despite all of this, we still have to pick our battles. If a strong black women wants to keep her strong black man she's gonna have to let him be strong sometime and the same goes for the men
@ T
"I agree with this post in theory, but I think we need a new term to describe what you’re talking about beside “Strong Black Woman,” because that term has been so co-opted by Omarosa-types of black women who use it as a euphemism for being a totally abrasive, confrontational and unlikable bitch."
I agree and disagree. I don't think we need any term to describe the type of person that I was referring to other than "good" or some other basic word. And yeah, Omarosa-types are exactly what come to mind for a lot of people when they hear "Strong Black Woman". That's part of the problem.
Maybe I missed it but I think Strong Black women is sort of like the Eboy article posted above mentioned: doing it all and being it all. Superwoman. The prototype Strong Black Woman is definitely Chelly Obama.
I thought the bitchy connotation had its own term in "Black —-" (cant even bring myself to type it), like those stereotypical black chicks they always cast on MTV's the Real World.
Man! I actually wrote a blog post a while back about the myth of the Black superwoman, Strong Black Woman, etc. It's just wackness. Black women have been "strong" because we've had to be. But as we move towards a "colorless" society, I wish we could stop having to preface our descriptions with anything. Before I am "strong" or "black" I am a woman.
Yes, but a big problem is that the bitchy segment of the black female population is the most responsible for this perception. How often have you encountered a totally bitchy black woman, and when you call them on their bitchiness, their immediate retort is "You just can't handle a strong black woman." Ironically, black women who are genuinely strong and secure with themselves are usually the least likely to even use that term I find, because people who are genuinely confident and strong don't have to verbally broadcast it 24/7.
"Black women have been “strong” because we’ve had to be. But as we move towards a “colorless” society, I wish we could stop having to preface our descriptions with anything. Before I am “strong” or “black” I am a woman."
AMEN!
Thought exercise:
Strong White Woman
How does that sound? Thoughts?
Strong really isnt relegated to black women anyway. Its mostly black women who categorize themselves as "strong black women" for whatever reason. White women are usually categorized as strong by other men or women and its usually in a negative way.
Anyway, I dont consider anyone strong who has to go about claiming it. If you're strong, you dont have to tell anybody about it. Thats a truer sign of strength than running your mouth about it or claiming its the reason you're single.
"Strong White Woman
How does that sound? Thoughts?"
That doesn't even sound right. Like it sounds oxymoronic. Historically speaking they are weak…they tend to do whatever their men or society wants. For the most part (not on the whole) they're not really their own women…they don't own themselves because they don't HAVE to get up and really do things.
@Peyso
Amen to that!
A strong white woman is usually referred to as a Lesbian or feminist.
"A strong white woman is usually referred to as a Lesbian or feminist."
So maybe the not so pleasant "strong" connotation goes across race lines?
@Jac – Wow. Tell us how you really feel, please? lol I envision you saying all that with the SBW neck twitch. I kid, I kid!
@ CPT and Slim
Now we are getting somewhere…lol
So the Strong Black Woman is the rule while the Strong White Woman is the exception. However, being products of their environment (+all that Darwin survival of the fittest jazz)…sistas have had to be strong (or skrong). I think we could remedy this if we (men and women) followed Peyso's advice. The challenge is that it's not natural.
@Nyela Sorry! And no…it was said with the utmost intelligence …lol no snappin and poppin here!
Good afternoon,
I am a film maker in Atlanta, GA. My short films explore human dynamics on levels few consider. I am currently working on a series of films that illuminate the passions of women. Not as a man sees them but as they feel. The script was written by a young woman to express a lust that lives inside of her, for a man she has yet to meet.
I am posting this short film to get a reaction from women of all walks of life. I am going to mold this concept to perfection for a future film project. I am sending a notice to all that I have found through search engines using "Strong Black Woman" as the key phrase. I hope you take a look at the film and let me know your feelings. It will make the future project more realistic.
Thank you,
Dany Nieves
307 Idea Factory
"Whispers"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyVdauZii4k