Comments on: How Soon is Too Soon?

By: NaijaSweetz

NaijaSweetz — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 03:27:07 +0000

I'm not surprised about the first part, but it's not often that I see a man acknowledging the fact that there should be some refractory period for both sexes. If we're talking about an otherwise healthy relationship meeting its untimely end, I personally can't imagine having any desire to so much as kiss anyone else for a little while to come. Then again, I'm stingy with my kisses.

By: tryin2datesomethingc

tryin2datesomethingc — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:34:18 +0000

and this is why I ( a female) still say dating females is so much better. You can have sex witihin the first 3 dates and still 'more than likely' end up in an exclusive relationship. MEN ARE COMPLICATED AND DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT!!! They like 'easy' but respect the 'reserved', but oh 'don't hold out too long because its the new day and age'. Men know that women are emotional and play off of it to get the 'cookies' and once they get it, will have the nerve to say….'I don't know why women get soo attached after sex and feel like I owe them something.'

In the female flaws/deal breaker article SBM said that he felt something for the girl in the beginning and then they had sex and he realized he felt nothing…….u deceived that poor girl……SMH!! She probably never saw it coming because she did feel something.

GOODNESS!!

By: mizcynic

mizcynic — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 08:44:27 +0000

i live life with a lot of spontaneity so my answer to a lot of your questions with dependsssssssss…….I'm not tht calculating , i expect things to flow naturally…so if i meet a new guy within the period or mayb i had a toaster worthy of a relationship before tht so called accepted time frame…sorry i'mma get with them, the other party might b angry but thts the way the cookie crumbles

By: Slim Jackson

Slim Jackson — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 18:56:43 +0000

@K. Martinez

See! I knew there were some women out there that had some type of formula for this! I knew I wasn't crazy!

By: K. Martinez

K. Martinez — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:20:41 +0000

Very good post and interesting topic.
Well I don’t think I’m like most girls so I’ll give u my opinion.
Pre-relationship depends on the vibe I get from the guy. If I really like you and I get the impression that u’ll b a good boyfriend and u meet all the criteria on my checklist etc I hold out for at least 3wks to a mnth. If ur just a guy that I can’t really see myself with or I’m using u as a the rebound dude 3 -5 days and then watever happens, happens. Sadly this has blown up in my face, I’ve had the rebound dude confess his love to me and propose marriage after only a few mnths. Of course I said “NO”!
Post-relationship well that’s when the problem develops. Of course u want 2 b respectful to ur EX but going from having sex pretty much whenever u want to cold turkey sucks and it can cause withdrawal LOL. But out of respect even if it was a bad break up I hold out for 2wks, 3wks max and would expect the same.

By: Britt

Britt — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:29:12 +0000

We ended on pretty decent terms. We eventually became acquaintances.

By: Cuzzo

Cuzzo — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:26:37 +0000

My only comment is pumpington is a VERY FUNNY word.

By: Slim Jackson

Slim Jackson — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 13:48:42 +0000

@Jubilance: Gotcha. That's completely different. If you have no intention of dating, then well…do you but be careful out there!

@ayesha: I'd be a misogynistic bastard if I hated on your empowering words to women. However, you've just given me the fuel for a couple blog posts in the near future. Good sh*t!

By: The Don

The Don — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 13:46:17 +0000

Yep the acceptable time for my exes to get laid is…………..never or at least untill i deam it fit

By: ayesha

ayesha — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 13:35:50 +0000

Okay having just read all the posts let me be serious for a sec, and procrastinate some more rather than finish this news story–

Some of you mentioned both the impulse to have sex quickly and casually with a romantic interest. I can help but be the kill joy that connects our casual treatment of sex with the explosion of STD's and the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the black community, particularly amongst young Black women. Black women account for roughly half of ALL HIV/AIDS cases contracted through heterosexual sex.

Really, I find it difficult to pass moral judgment on this issue because I concur, sex feels good (sometimes), but I do have to raise the question– why do we as women view sex so casually??

Women have far more to loose in every sexual encounter. We can become pregnant and epidemiologically we are the far more vulnerable sex. Simply put, it is easier for us to contract STD based on our anatomy. Emotionally, we are even more vulnerable.

For a woman it is an incredibly invasive act that can leave us feeling amazing or well, violated. And more often not, those one night stands are not AMAZING because our ability to orgasm is so mental. More on that note, it's not easy women to separate the physical from the psychological in sex. Therefore, to borrow the words of the famous Alexyss K. Tylor "A woman will let a man skeet all up in her vagina and brain". And this post-coital attachment frequently leads to depression like symptoms (seriously).

So why are we so eagerly willing to give ourselves and place our health, livelihood, futures, and mind on the line with a whom we have no established no genuine rapport.

I don't think this is an issue of how long to wait, of course that is a case by case scenario. I just think it is an issue of being selective and only sharing our bodies with men who well- deserve us, and respect us, and dare I say it– love us?! And this will not happen within two or three chill sessions.

Furthermore, the casual treatment of sex is an integral feature of pop-culture. Women, especially Black women, are exposed from toddler hood to icons who bare it all and promote the idea that, pun intended, our ass is our most valuable asset.

Hey, I'm definitely not casting a stone, but I think that when women stop viewing the body as a commodity to be bartered in exchange for items/attention/relationship and view it as the sacred, special body it is, we will find ourselves in much more physically and emotionally pleasing relationships.

Slim, feel free to hate.