Jackie: “I can’t stand Shenise”
Rob: “What are you talking about? You have been friends for years”
J: “Yeah … but today she said that I sometimes get mad. What kind of bs is that! I don’t get mad!”
R: “Are you serious? Everybody gets mad at times. Your overreacting”
J: “Whatever. Me and her are no longer friends”
And that’s it … its over.
A long lasting friendship is ended quickly over some petty stupid argument.
Let’s examine a similar male on male (pause) situation.
Derek: “Damn man … I can’t believe you”
Grant: “I’m sorry … but your girlfriend asked me to hit it raw. What was I going to say?”
D: “But I told you last week I was going to propose to her. I told you she is the love of my life and I want her to bear my children”
G: “Man … my bad.”
D: “Yeah … well … we still going to the game tonight?”
G: “You know it”
And that’s it. Two men can get into fistfight, sleep with someone’s girlfriend, run over their dog, leave them stranded in the middle of the hood with no money … and within in a few hours … everything is forgiven. Period.
Why can’t women just forgive and forget too? Why is it that the female species will end life long bonds and ties over some of the stupidest of arguments. A bad joke, a late appointment, or someone canceling last minute can release a wrath than telling your girlfriend she looks fat in that dress. Not only are they no longer friends … but she’s a b*, she’s ugly, her breath is funky, and her boyfriend is gay although you were trying to steal him away for the past 4 months.
*flashback*
When I first met one of my exes … she was with her “best friend”. She had just started college (I was one year older) and they met during orientation. They went to every club and party together. They ate together and they lived like 2 doors down from each other. They were both from the same state and were both slightly boy crazy.
One day they were going to the club … another girl was driving. Apparently someone’s phone died, some miscommunications happened, and my ex was left in the dorms because they couldn’t reach her. For whatever reason … when they finally did get on the phone together … someone used a “curse word”.
They proceeded to not talk for one year from that point.
They lived in the same hallway, passed each other in the bathroom, and didn’t say a word. And not only was she no longer a friend, but my ex told me she was a self-centered, selfish, boy crazy, and had relations with 50% of our football team was of loose nature.
All this because the phone died and a “curse word” was used.
*flashback over*
Now … I know this isn’t a 100% thing … but it’s reached epidemic proportions. And I’m tired … so tired.
In an effort to help solve this problem, I’ve come up with a few possible reasons to explain such widespread irrational behavior.
Woman are emotional creature
We all know women and emotions go together like basketball players and white women. These extreme emotional responses to simple life events (e.g. crying at the movies) means a small joke elicits all kinds of hormones and chemicals. Such a violent chemical reaction creates a violent outward reaction (she’s a b*).
Women are inherently jealous, insecure, or extremely competitive
What’s a woman’s biggest threat? No … not being 30+ and single … another woman. Sure she helped her out when she was broke, sure she cried with her when her mom died, sure she’s been there since the 4th grade … but damned if she won’t steal your man, job, and Jimmy Choo’s if you start slipping.
Women are crazy
Nuff said …
I have a dream. That one day women will walk the streets, hand in hand, being friends and not fighting over stupid catty sh*t. I have a dream that one day … one little girl can call her friend fat … and that little girl won’t try and ruin her life. Oh yes … SBM has a dream!
I dare someone to tell me I’m wrong in this one! Anyone with good stories? Anyone at all with a half decent explanation to this phenomenon … because I’m lost!
I want to say that those games are for the young women, but I know some older women that still behave that way. I think it comes down to maturity… and just for the record what's wrong with being 30+ and single?
::stink eye::
I often blame it on other men (its my easiest and cheapest excuse LOL). Seriously when young petty women (ACTUALLY WOMEN PERIOD) are affected in the above mentioned ways it boils down to seeking male attention or approval, ie competition. The scarcity theory for interpersonal relationships.
Its often the knee jerk reaction when no men are around; "oh let me go ahead and just be mean to this batch"..lol
But I've heard men over and over tell me its their number one pet peeve regarding other women and it ironically doesn't in fact make them more appealing…just chicks to stay away from. But on some levels i think there ARE men who like it or generally the behavior would stop.
Lastly, its also true that many women just don't know HOW to be nice to other women. They're raised that other women are threats, never tell another woman about your se!x life, your great suitor, etc etc..so if you can't trust a chick around your man for 3 mins, why should you be nice to her?
Whew, that post made me laugh and gave me some flashbacks.
I have no explaination as to why this is but it IS. Once women fall out then they often become mortal enemies for life. Heaven forbid two of your friends fall out because then you are expected to chose sides and that is one of the worst situations to be in. "OH, so you're still hanging out with HER, cause you know I don't F with that B*itch anymore".
I do agree with comeback girl – women are conditioned to not trust other women.
However, I will have to say that I don't think that men's way of handling it is exactly ideal. Men just ignore stuff and never address it which is why they can go right back to being "cool". I don't believe for one second that some of the more major things don't come back up at some point, even if it is still never addressed, you think about it later.
Women hold others (men and women) accountable.
If you do something to us, we don't blame it on the man that you may have "stolen", the alcohol, etc…we hold that person accountable. Eff all the excuses. A man may be like oh, that B was a ho anyway…we still homey's…or when we had that fist fight I know it was the Patron…u still my man's.
I'd argue that a lot of women are friends out of convenience, which allows them to seamlessly transition from one clique to another. I know women who were really like die-hard friends for years, then something petty happened and they were bitter enemies. I do think maturity also plays a role in this type of tomfoolery.
As for men, I'll crush the skull of the friend that sleeps with my girl.lol. There will be no dapping it up and forgetting. But overall, we will forgive the fellow man for a lot of stuff as long as he doesn't violate too many man laws. I'd also say that our friendships are less about convenience and more so about common interests.
I dont know to many women that say "this is my friend from high school" i generraly hear this is my homegirl for the last 2 years. But damn if you can maintin a friendship how can you maintain a relationship the former takes a lot less work
@ CBG – the nutty women who do this THINK men like this, negroes hate this shiznic
@ Tam – shiznic doesnt ALWAYS come back up because once the L is admittied the thing is dead. Like in a fist fight, once the fight is over and you admit you got your arse beat, its over.
@ Cuzzo – Yes women do hold people accountable but many women hold everyone but themselves accountable and I think thats a bigger issue
@ slim – I agree. What I noticed at school for instance, was the girls had their college homies but their REAL homies were back home. The dudes I chilled with became my NINJAS for life.
*Puts on Pig Snout*
I've never known most women to be loyal to one friend longer than a couple of years. As you put it SBM, they usually get into petty fights and all of a sudden "don't f*cks with her no more" and that's it. Most of my male friends don't go through that drama, but the women-folk…
First….She Hate Me is my fave movie… And I got a good chuckle out of the title…
Now….I have a group I've been friends with since I was a child. We have intervals when we don't talk as much but we have NEVER had a knockdown drag out fight…even when we aren't talking to one another the only people that know are our families and each other. The other people that have come and gone in my life have kind of floated in or out. I haven't aby mortal enemies I haven't tried to ruin any lives and as far as I can tell no one has attempted to take me out either. So while I have seen and noted these behaviors in many women…this is simply not true of all…or in my case not true of most women….
What you describe sounds like "frenemies" some women entertain that kind of foolishness under the guise of friendship, I don't, never have, I have two good women friends the rest are associates, loose acquaintances folk need to learn the difference…. and in the words of Reggie Noble "Comptetion is NONE" because there is only one me, therefore competition doesn't exist, I have never subscribed to that line of thinking and folk who do engage in that I find silly LOL because they don't understand that underlying truth!
Now folk who try to outdo, one up you etc are fools and have deeper issues within, where this kind of behavior is just a symptom of a bigger problem, they need to learn to stay in their lane and do them without worrying about the next person..the world would be a happier place if more understood this!
This post is very true. I have seen it happen constantly in my life. For me, I do get upset with my friends about petty shit usually. I do have my emotional moments though. But I am usually better after I have thought about it. Nothing to end a frindship over. Most of my close friends I have known over 10+ years. I tend to maintain friendship although we have been through some crazy stuff they will always be my homies for life.
I can't deal with catty women. I usually have one or two close friends that I roll with. I have never been a clique person. I am always the person that was cool with every clique and it was just me and my homie that I would hang tight with. Even, if I did try to roll with a clique it probably wouldn't work, because I tend to be a little to honest. Not everyone can handle that.
Once I ended my friendship with my one best friend from high school, after about 8 years. But what she did to me was just WRONG and at the time in my mind it was unforgiveable. That was back in 2004. We have now regain our friendship, but it won't ever be as close as it was before. Nonetheless, we are friends again.
I totally agree with Slim. Women are friends largely out of convinience. My immediate response was to challenge it but after reflecting on my own relationships I completely agree. I have two best friends, whom I have known since 8th and 9th grade, they are my rocks and the exception to any rule. The other women in my life? They all play a position. And when you view it in that regard it makes sense that the relationships are disposable.
One of my male friends (Tre) recently confessed that a mutual guy friend (Rob) tried to holler at one of his exes.
Tre processed the situation, and considered beating Rob's ass. But decided against even saying anything because of how weird that might make the situation between all of the fellas.
I tell this story to say that men are rational creatures. We may make many, many mistakes. But we know right from wrong. And that, in turn, might explain why women are crazy. They can't understand how we know right from wrong, but still fuck up constantly. lol.
So true, so true… no excuses.
I have no close, bff, girlfriends. Mostly because I don't trust them like the SBMs on here don't trust women. Two situations that make me reluctant to have female friends:
~ Our friendship began from the commonality of dating the same dude in 8th grade. She was one of my bffs for two years. Until she started dating my cool guy friend that rode the bus whom I knew had a gf at another school. Told her and she accused me of being a B and lying. Stopped talking to me and being my bff. She got an STD and came back trying to be friends. Ahh Nope.
~ We were peas n a pod sophmore yr of college, roomies. People called us twinkies. Yea she would talk about me being a white girl inside but I didn't care, that was my homegirl. She got into the Miss BlacknGold pageant, made new friends and suddenly I wasn't fabulous enough for her. Tried but she had changed. I moved on.
Your real girls will always be down for you, I have been for others, but they haven't been for me. I think that's why I care for my guy friends more. I do sometimes wish that I had the clique to go to brunch with and out for drinks. I have one homegirl I've been cool with since highschool, which I think has lasted because we don't hang out more than three times a year, lol. Sad I know. But I'm at heart a loner and it doesn't bother me often enough. I have great guy friends. Girls will be girls. Women get over it and move on.
Whew…finally a topic I can comment on without having to sweep the bones up from my closet *thought about commenting yesterday anonymously,lol*. Anywhoo,you are so correct in this post that it is absolutely astounding. This is why I tend to have more guy friends then women friends. I have ran into a lot of shallow, passive agressive, fake, egotistical, low self-esteem having women in my lifetime. Me being a woman, I know I'm not perfect, but I try to be easy with females and not get too close and this has worked for me for the last 4 or 5 years. I can't remember how many "best gf's I've had in the 27 years of my life only to have the friendship end over something petty as hell. And the Leo in me does not sweat the small stuff…if you don't want to be my friend, I keeps it moving, especially if you are a female.
I really think that I'm cut from a different cloth in that I don't like to have long drawn out conversations about your feelings an emotions about something I did that you didn't like a week ago or you didn't like the way I looked at you when you said good morning or the inflection in my voice when I said I'll call you back, I got some company…lol.
One of the main issues I believe in female relationships is our inability to address a problem when it happens with the person that you have a problem with. Telling Shay in the next dorm over or Pam in the other department at work that you mad at me is not going to help our friendship. If you got a beef with me address it; cause I sure will!
Another reason is that some women do not know how to address an issue without arguing and being catty (as I see several people have mentioned in their comments). Therefore, they do not know how to communicate effectively. They have to resort to the finger snapping, neck-rolling and cursing and none of that is necessary to get your point across.
For these reasons, I have about 1.5 female friends (The one is my Momma and the .5 is every other female that calls me her friend…lol).
*why do I feel these are some of the same reasons that some of us women can't keep a man…geez!
"But damn if you can maintin a friendship how can you maintain a relationship the former takes a lot less work
"
@ Dom..this is deep.. Relationships all of them are mere indicators and if you can't build, cultivate or even repair relationships with PEOPLE (women included) how would a romantic one be that much better. a relationship is a relationship is a relationship. and ive said it before show me a strained relationship between two women and I'll show you a nagga somewhere up in the past or present mix.
You can maintian relationships with when you walk in agreement= respect one another/boundaries and otherwise, don't subscribe to fallacies, not simple minded, support one another in good times and bad, even when you have a disagreement you both work resolve in a respectful honest manner etc etc etc ..all of this is walking in agreement, not everybody is built to walk with everybody..thats just a fact of life…
@ Pey
"@ CBG – the nutty women who do this THINK men like this, negroes hate this shiznic"
Yall need to send out a memo then lol..let em know its not cute.
@Comebackgirl
They won't listen so that won't help anything.
I am able to have disagreements with my friends without severing the friendship. Two thinking people WILL disagree. If there are no disagreements there is no thought. So, no I am not running off and falling out with friends left and right.
As far as men go, you can talk ALL that ish you want but ya'll are some of the SHADIEST creatures and you also form acquaintances out of convenience. The difference between men and women is that women are able to spot that bad apple and hold her at arms length, the relationships out of convenience comment was very true. You might THINK we are all buddy buddy, but there is a difference between a girl I club with and a girl I confide in. You guys will let a bad apple into your inner circle and then continue to let him walk all over you to appear masculine.
Britt raises a good point…why aren't men more discerning..why just hang on to bad weight just because yall been friends since you were 7. Im not in the women friends discarding business either..but with the quickness i sho will redefine the situation, meaning my "club girl" and my "let me tell you what happened to me today girl".
Alot of times men can't really tell the difference for being blindly loyal and in the same way since you were a toddler.
@ The comeback girl I agree because the main reason i see most women break up is when one of them gets a man and disappears off the face of the earth only to reappear after the relationship is over
Britt I have to agree I have seen this with my own eyes, shady dudes amongst the crew aand its known and tolerated LOL
BTW walking in agreement doesn't mean agreeing on everything just so thats clear LOL..its a spiritual principle that means you are both moving in the same direction with ALOT of commonality even tho we are all diff…..
I know the feeling.. I've gone through plenty of girlfriends for this reason. They try to put me down in order to bring themselves up.. Like this one friend would tell me "your butt is too big". R u serious?? None of the guys seem to mind so why are u hating. So I called her Ms. IHOP for her pancake ass. I know that was wrong but sometimes you have to put your "friends" back in their place. What gets me mad is that she's a really sweet girl and I love hanging out with her. I don't understand why women feel the need to brings others down in order to cope with their own insecurities. That's why now I keep associates and role with my sisters instead!
Women who act like this are immature, insecure, and unaware of who they are. We are have flaws, but petty arguments and holding grudges over a slight offense is ridiculous. I'm 23, and have no tolerance for that, and haven't for a while now. I pity those who suffer through that.
I have to cosign Britt who said "Two thinking people will disagree." That right there is the truth. I too make the attempt to disagree without falling out but some chicks you find out in the heat of discussion are just not rational. I had a "friend" a few years back that "broke up" with me cause I snapped at her on the phone. I tried to repair the friendship but she wasn't having it. Turns out she was actually mad that I was friends with her Ex. Foolishness.
I also have to cosign the point about dudes being hella shadier then females. Men never discuss the heart of the problems, never check another when one is wrong. Is that really friendship though? I have a crew that is 50/50 male and female. The dudes are ridiculously shady! Some trying to holler ar other dudes girls behind their backs, disparaging each other behind closed doors to make themselves look better; smashing each others "true loves"; running out on bills. And they don't say nuttin to each other about it. If it does get said, thats the end of it and the saga continues. The females? We tell each other the truth, check each other when we are wrong. We may get mad for a minute (and the guys are always trying to sweep itunder the rug) but we see the truth is one anothers words and keep the friendship movin.
Havent hit the comments yet but I have to say this is gospel. Esp. this: Women are inherently jealous, insecure, or extremely competitive.
I have a close personal friend who was the Ace for years, known her since preschool, through middle, high and college. I dont know what the deal is but for whatever reason things are awkward and uncomfortable between us now. I really dont get it.
Men do the same thing. They are the new women, you know.
Going to have to disagree with you here mate! Most women are able to have healthy and long lasting friendships with other women. If its in your nature to be unstable, jealous, and a little on the nutty side then of course you are going to attract people who are similar to you and of course the relationship will be volatile. But most women are a tad more balanced than that and can value a good friendship when they see it without feeling like they need to compete or wreck it over a petty argument.
Perhaps, SBM you are surrounding yourself with women who are a little on the bonkers side and its skewing your view
"I dont know to many women that say “this is my friend from high school” i generraly hear this is my homegirl for the last 2 years. But damn if you can maintin a friendship how can you maintain a relationship the former takes a lot less work"
@DON, I agree to a certain extent, I don't know if it is most women or certain kinds of women who end up in "friendships" like that.
And I also agree with SBM that there are women who have friendships based on convenience and that's what causes petty disagreements to end "friendships". I don't know if I would say a lot of women, but there are women who maintain these false friendships and the other may actually do something trifling and that causes the split. I'm sure there are men who do the same as well.
All of my friends I have known since I was a little girl ( I even have baby pics with my best friend), and I thank God for them all the time. I've never had any of those dumb situations even happen to me with a friend because we are more like family, so when there is an issue, it's addressed and then we move on. Anyone else is just an acquaintance or associate so I don't play them close enough for us to even have a disagreement about anything.
@ Remi i didnt say that it never happens i just notice its a common trend amongst women not to keep friends for an extendid period of time
"Cuzzo: Women hold others (men and women) accountable.
If you do something to us, we don’t blame it on the man that you may have “stolen”, the alcohol, etc…we hold that person accountable. Eff all the excuses. A man may be like oh, that B was a ho anyway…we still homey’s…or when we had that fist fight I know it was the Patron…u still my man’s."
I whole-heartedly agree with Cuzzo's statements. I think the fact that women break up a friendship over "petty" things is VERY much related to accountability. If a woman does something wrong and doesn't man-up to it, then thats a deal-breaker, whether its small or not. You f*ck up, you're done … plain and simple.
Furthermore, most of the time the "petty" argument is usually just the final straw that breaks the camel's back, the catalyst in a long series of wrong-doings. Whenever I break off things with a girlfriend she was usually getting on my nerves or messing up beforehand, and the fight was just the excuse I needed to really move on from the relationship anyway.
What may seem petty to men is actually pretty important to women. I just had this conversation with one of my guy friends the other day in which I asserted that men don't really have "friends" persay, but merely male associates who are biding their time, waiting to a.) fuck their girlfriends b.) one-up them in something and become alpha male and/or c.) laugh about all of the above to their faces.
Seriously, I've seen what a lotta guys consider to be "friendship" and I'll pass. Ya'll are BRUTAL to each other and some of ya'll will sit around and take the madness just to be cool with "the boys"…
I may not have 400 million facebook friends, but my best friends and I have been friends since 6th grade and NOBODY is going to sleep around with ANYBODY's man and still be "cool" afterwards.