I have female friends … platonic ones. I have several of them actually. And I’m not talking about “friends”, girls who I want to smash, or did smash, or want to smash again … and I just tolerate their presence as a result (I’m sorry to say … but 60-100% of any guy’s female “friends” fall into this category). No, I’m talking about the girls in my life who I genuinely love … platonically, and go to for support and stuff. In most cases, their like sisters to me (*pause at the softness*).
Now … I have plenty of male friends. My homies, my n****s, my dawgs … and I chill, talk, and get up with them a lot. They probably outnumber their female counterparts 10 to 1. I got plenty of em … and the lists keep growing.
So why are there so few female friends in my life (aprox. 3)? Why is it that once a new one potentially comes into the fold … I run?
You don’t know … well let me tell ya:
Hard to run off a guy friend
I think if i got high drunk and spit in any of my male friend’s face … he would probably beat my ass … and then we’d go out for drinks the day after. I mean … its hard to run off a good guy friend. You practically gotta kidnap his momma, rape and pillage his home town, and then scuff up his white air forces (the worst of the 3) before you’re at a point where you can’t work things out.
Not the case with the emotional fairer sex … not in the least. If you forget to call when you said you were … friendship over. If you are still friends with that “b* who looks at her funny” … friendship over. If you tell her you think her boyfriend is a gump (aka lame aka clown aka soft a$$ n***a) … friendship over. And there is NO GOING BACK!
More ways to kill time
Guys generally agree on ways to spend time. Strip club, sports bar, at the house drinking beer … whatever. As long as it can’t be construed as homosexual, because you know every black woman is on a “down low” witch hunt, then its cool. This is common sense though, like minded folks have like minded interest.
As a guy, trying to work out a mutual meeting point with a female friend can sometimes get painful. No … I don’t want to go shopping. No I don’t want to see a romantic comedy. No … I don’t want to go to the nail shop. Sure you don’t wanna hit that strip club … they got lunch specials!?
Problems with the SO
When you have a girlfriend (depending on the girlfriend), every girl is a threat. Every female friend that I have is someone who wants to steal me away from her, and knock her out of the #1 position. This often arises out of insecurity issues … but that’s another post. Point is … male friends don’t cause this issue. If your girlfriend is worried about Joe taking her place … then ya’ll has a lot more serious issues.
Guys are Low Maintenance
The #1, single most important reason, single most influential reason to not have female friends … the gotdamn “maintenance”.
Now … as I said … I love my female friends. They have been with me through thick and thin, and they are emotional n sh*t … therefore able to help me with my “emotions”. That means when I need to talk to someone about some soft sh*t … I can go to them and not get laughed at. Truly invaluable.
But … on the other side of that … this means they go through “emotional” issues (which guys rarely do). They need to talk to someone, they need someone to talk to, to assure them, console, etc. This means late night talks, being nice, and being considerate of someone’s feelings. Anyone who knows me knows I am a chronic asshole … so this is hard for me.
The commenter Mike said it best (and inspired this post) with the words “Being friends with a man is like having a pet rock. You can neglect it, abuse it, fart on it, make fun of it, and yet nothing changes” on a recent post (#49). No eggshells to walk on. Disappeared for 3 years … its cool. Forgot my birthday, skipped my graduation, and didn’t send me a wedding gift … water under the bridge. Essentially … there is no maintenance in keeping a guy friend a friend.
Try any of that with a female friend … and poof … no more friend.
So, to those special friends of mine, since ya’ll will probably read this at some point … love ya’ll n sh*t … but no mas. Any females looking to be my friend … sorry sweetheart … if I get another one I’ll lose my mind.
Am I solo on this one? Any guys feel me? Any women feel me? Any women dedicated to match their low maintenance counterparts?
- SBM aka That insensitive motherf*cker aka Your patna’s patna
I agree. I'm close to my 3 homegirls I grew up with added one to pack in high school and college. I have several female associates and acquaintances but that is quite different from a friend. I find that the women I'm around are competitive with each other for no reason and too needy. I don't want to hear about your constant drama and hear you whine and complain about the same thing forever and a day. It irritates me to no end. Also, I don't mind shopping but, I don't feel the need to spend more than 2 hours in a mall…period. There is nothing that fascinating there. And I hate when people ask me "do you think this will fit me". WTF you should know the size and shape of your own body so you can judge for yourself
This is not to say all women are like this. It just so happens that I seem to wind up at jobs or in classes with "girly girls" that think whining and drama= being a woman and I cant co-sign that. Hanging with the guys is simple. There will be food, alcohol, probablly some type of sport (paint balling, flag football, getting beat in Live), and hearing stories about the new girl they met.
SBM this post is on point! I definitely co-sign on your points, but I don't find issues like that with my female friends. OK I'm lying. lolol.
The maintenance is the #1 reason its hard having female friends. Sometimes they get upset when you don't call or "neglect" the friendship, but your boys don't stress that.at.ALL!
I would say as far as hanging out, that I definitely DON'T have that problem with the female friends. We can hit the strip club, the regular club, wherever. I don't expect sporting events but sometimes they
want to see the athletes to try to become the next housewifesurprise me with their sports acumen.As far as the SO is concerned, insecurity is the killer there. When
some woman tricks me into wifing her upI have a GF, if she can't accept my female friends, or have the security to accept it, then she's outta there. I once gave up friends or toned down relationships for an ex and that blew up in my face and I had to do a little repair action. Friends (true friends not acquaintences) are forever.You just have to mold your friends into accepting that you're a man Gina (c) Martin and eventually, after screamin on u and threatening to end your bond a few hundred times, they come around.
P.S. if you want me to write that insecurity post, send the bat signal. Boy will the digital Ether reign supreme!
I have more female friends than male friends, but a plethora of each.
I'm gonna say this knowing it will never work because I can't stop: But we men have to stop looking at every woman trying to figure out whether or not we'd hit. That's the only way we'll ever be able to co-exist a real friends.
That will never happen, though. So my words are fruitless in their harvest.
I had a good take on Platonic Friendships a few weeks back. Give it a read: http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/03/31/43-guys-w…
It depends on the people. I have about 3 or 4 true male friends and I can go months without speaking to them. I don't hold it against them because we are scattered across the country and they have lives just like me. I don't consider myself to be a high maintenance friend to them at all. We usually fall right back into place like no time has passed, same with my female friends that I don't see on the regular. I do believe that "you have to be a friend to have a friend" so relationships shouldn't be onesided overall, but life happens and you can't be everything to everyone all the time. I think as people mature they understand that. I don't expect my male friends to go shopping with me, and they realize that I don't always want to do "guy things" either. I think its important to have friends on both sexes, they provide perspective in your life but naturally I have more female friends than male, as I'm a female. I associate myself with likeminded people so I don't deal with the catty stuff on the regular. It kinda bothers me when other women say they hate to be around other women or only have male friends. just do better in the choosing is what I say…if you always have problems with people, maybe its YOU.
ahhh, I have a few guy friends…just a few.
I actually scaled back on the female friends because I was getting frustrated with all the ignored advice I was providing.lol.
LOL..Reecie if are the type of woman whom others feel threatnend by off your mere presence alone, whose problem is that???
Yours or theirs???..sounds like a personal problem to me LOL
Tons of aquaintances and associations tho
I have 1.5 female freinds one going all the way back to 7th grade….and I have very few male friends cause like I explained in one of Streets joints.. none of them viewed me as exactly platonic altho thats how I really saw all the guys who I was just cool with.
I have my trainer who is gay, and I have one good friend who is relagated to working hours..outside of that associations, dyck offers (think Chris Rock) and acquaintances LOL
We actually covered whether men and women can truly be friends in my radio show this past Sunday!Click HERE
I have very few platonic male friends and the reason is simple…Men are attractive and I'd at some point like to bang or will bang em. It doesn't make the relationship weird, but it just cancels out the purity of having a guy friend that I have no romantic interest in. It's not necessarily a bad thing, however, just human nature (and lack of self control LOL)
Friendship with a woman is more work than friendship with a guy in general. Women are just different creatures than men. I would feel some type of way if one of my girlfriends didn't call me for 3 weeks, that would bother me more than a guy platonic friend not getting at me in 3 weeks.
Man…what is it with you bloggers and platonic friends? This is the second post I've read about it today.
I have a couple of female friends I confide in but I don't accumulate a lot of platonic friends. That's just not the business. You're right about them being high maintenance too. The worst thing about having "Just friends" type ladies around is it becomes a practice in tolerance. The conversations usually consist of or begin with "I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I'm hungry…" or a short lament about how hectic life is. My dudes don't do that. Our conversation is usually like
"what's up?"
"Shyt…"
"Everything cool?"
"yeah man, doing what I do"
"aight"
The simplicity of males I tell ya.
@slimjackson: You're right. Females friends are good for ignoring good advice. They like to lay on the tracks while the train is coming. idk. smh. whatever.
I just stop giving advice to those friends… this is interesting because TheChamp at VSB went "Platonic friends" today, too.
@ Connie, why would it bother you if they didn't call for three weeks? I haven't talked to my best friend in about two. she lives in NC,I live in Florida and I mean….we're grown ups, why do we have to talk every other day? Maybe it would be different if we lived in the same city as we'd be hanging out more.
@Kwana, I don't know about being threatened by mere presence alone. I really don't. I think I'm the shit, and I like to be around other woman that think the same about themselves…not being jealous or threatened. We uplift, encourage, and love each other. I'm in a sorority, so I deal with all types of women all the time, but friendships are built on those I click with. So, I can't call that. And my closest friends are from college, I only have one female friend and 2 male friends that I knew in elementary/middle school…you grow and evolve, some friendships are seasonal. *shrugs*
This post is very interesting!! And I agree with you on many of your points. That is why I dont have that many female friends myself. As a woman, I know how we can get and honestly some times I find myself tired of it all. Personally, I have been told I am a female with a n***a mindset. This works just fine for me, by nature I go through my emotional stage and 9/10 no one even knows it because I have one female friend who I hit up and we can talk about that shyt. I have a handful of female friends and they know whats goodie.
Now, I have no problem with the strip clubs, regular clubs, sport events, (love basketball, and I really watch the game not the athletes). I think my male friends are some of the most interesting people I know, I love them to death! And honestly I have more male friends than female friends. Now, this can be a combination of several factors, maybe because I am Bi we have alot more things in common. But I dont stress the little things even with my female friends, you forgot the bday, oh well catch me next year or buy me a drink. Life is way too short for all these rules and regulations!
I have male friends that I have "smashed" and some that I would, and its no big deal. If i am in a relationship they respect it, if i am single they know whats up. I think as long as you keep 100%%%% real with people you wont have issues. My former "beats" know, the deal. Furthermore, If I have a man he knows the deal. He met with all my male friends and he needs to accept that and respect that. My man knows I will give him his place, whether he is there or not. And if he doesnt, we dont need to be together because it means he doesnt trusts me.
To address the issue of maintenance, it is a no brainier. Unless your male friend is gay, he doesnt really want to go shopping with you (unless is lingerie and thats a maybe). You do that with your female friends. Unless a guy wants to "put in work" he is not interested in the long night talks every night. Some guys are like that some are not. My advice is be resourceful, everyone has a purpose in your life, it is a matter of time before you find out what it is. FYI, if this person if your real friend, (male or female) they know that your friendship is not defined by the constraints and regulations. This means that ya can go ages without talking and as soon as you see eachother, is like time never passed by because you pick up where you left off with no problem.
I understand and feel likewise Reecie but some women have to deal with a whole lotta extra just doing them LOL….
on another note I learend having alot of guys around being a woman is just not the busniess anyway like CPT said for probably diff reasons tho……
ok… i can def understand where you are coming from with this post… it makes sense that as a dude, it's hard to keep up with multiple close friendships with females.
to offer a different perspective, i'm one of those girls who has a bunch of close male friends. while i enjoy hanging out with them, i must admit that i miss spending time with my g/fs. my male friends seem to lack that emotional connection/support that i need from my friends. i've been fortunate to have g/fs who aren't super whiney, or super dramatic, and who are still cool even if i haven't talked/chilled with them in X amount of time. occasionally, there is drama with me or them, but i think some drama makes things a little interesting (esp when discussing over brunch =P).
so basically, i don't think it's fair to view your friendships with females as a part-time job simply because the main reason why you are there for them is because you love them.
Ugh @ "have been told I am a female with a n***a mindset"
SMH…If I had a dollar for everytime I've heard this…
One thing I decided to leave out was the whole sex issue. I mean … those aren't my platonic friends. My very very very small number of real female friend … could not, will not, and will never … get the "bidness" … so sex just aint an issue.
Honestly … I could never call these chics friends if I wanted to smash. I could tell them they were friends, but in my own head they would just be potential victim #1, potential victim #2, and so on …
LOL @ me inspiring this post.
I have like one female friend who I talk to every now and then. actually, it kinda fell apart after we ended up making out. Ive known her for 10 years. We just got down and dirty like a year ago…lol
At my age (31), Im not looking for female friends. I date people I want to be with. If it doesn't work out, I'm out. Other then sex, there isn't shit a female "friend" can do for me. If I need advice, I'll talk to my Mom and Sister. Seriously, why spend time and money on someone when it isn't going to go anywhere? For her BS conversation?
This one girl told me a guy asked her after 4 dates if she was going to get serious about him…."where is this going". She felt like he was rushing her and he rolled out on her. She got upset about it. her excuse was that he was mad that he was taking her out and not getting any ass. So I immediately owned her! I asked a girl to flip the script. i told her to go out with a guy over and over again and cover the bill each time. After 4+ dates, after you have spent $300+ of dinner, movies and activities…would you consider spending time with this person if they told you they weren't looking for anything? She said no and changed the subject.
Females are always down for a free meal. Whether they like the guy or not.
@Reecie The dynamic of my friendships with my female friends is very consistent. I speak to my girls everyday at least, and see them almost everyday also, so if 3 weeks went by and I didn't hear from them, I know something isn't right.
@ SBM "My very very very small number of real female friend … could not, will not, and will never … get the “bidness” … so sex just aint an issue." That's a very strong statement to make. I said the same thing at one point in my life, but it has been cancelled out. I've learned never rule out anything. Besides, friends make the best potential victims
@SBM- I think it just may be the types of women you are friends with b/c I know plenty of women who are not like that. None of my close female friends are high maintenance, thank goodness. Anyone who I have met who is like that usually doesn’t go very far with me. I’m not going to walk on eggshells for anyone. Plus, I’m a typical Aries. I need my space and don’t do well with overly sensitive people.
Also, there are plenty of high maintenance men out there. Their feelings are right on their fingertips, and they may not whine about everything, but are passive aggressive. Either way, these types of people are annoying, and I could never be friends with someone like that.
I have some platonic female friends, I am unattracted to them(read: they are usually ugly). I think that they understand that I wont call them for awhile from time to time. However, one of my platonic friends and I had to have a sit down converstation. I had to explain to her that I am not her man and thus I will not treat her as such. That means there will be times when I dont call, I will make fun of you from time to time, I will say that you look miserable in that "outfit" and I will try to get at your friends
lol
All the males I have been or am "friends" with want to smash…but they dont try disrespectfully. I can sit at the bar with them, and after a few drinks they hit me with the sexy cock eye and start staring at my tiddies. So I dont know about the whole "friend" thing with me. I have male cousins I hang with..don't need male "friends"
*thinks who wouldn't want to smash me..i'm sexy* lol
Needless to say, I don't have male friends and dont need them. I mean damn, I used to mess with this male "friends" man and he still says stuff like "if you aint get with my man"….so I know that truly with me, I can't do it.
Plus I may try and use the fact that you want to screw me to get something out of u lol
I would like to think that I don't require much from my male friends. Attention, long emotional talks, etc. … I get that from my man. However I find that my friendships with men are draining. Men always NEED something. Can you look at this paper for me? What do you think about this job offer? Should I ask girl XYZ out? So, in these situations you generally give as good as you get.
Peyso I hope your friends don't read this and know you think they are ugly! LMAO.
Daydreams about staring at True's tiddies…
Peyso just lost his platonic friends lol
i have about the same amount of female friends as i have male friends. i usually tend to hang out more with my male friends for reasons stated in the post. i don't think that my female friends are high maintenance at all. most of them don't really like to do things i like to do (i.e.-play ball, watch sports, etc.) but we do still have a lot in common. if not i don't think they would be my friends.
i'm dying at peyso. i don't think that any of my female friends are outright ugly. i think alll my female friends are attracted but am i attracted to them, no. if they were we probably wouldn't be friends. that all goes back to hanging with people who you have a lot in common with. i'm a pretty attractive guy so most of my friends are attractive. lol.
*shakes tiddies at CPT*
@ true – "All the males I have been or am 'friends' with want to smash…but they dont try disrespectfully."
Same here. That's why I don't have any male "friends" anymore, unless they are gay.
my male friends aren't too bad… every now and then, one or two of them try to "practice" their moves on me, and i just let them know it's not that kind of party. but, we def look out for each other, that's why we're cool in the first place.
OH, true, how you torment me so…
*Raises hand*
I think it's mandatory if the woman had some sort of appeal that a man must try his hands. I agree with Peyso though…if she can't turn heads but will cause a Rhino in full sprint to turn back…she is "friend zoned" immediately until further notice.
LMAO!@ CPT
OMG
@CPT: I think you have attempted to get at the most women on this blog than anyone else … crushing my old record. Hit me up if you need some email addresses (kidding ladies).
I've had to more than once tell a woman that I'm not gonna be their friend unless their willing to f*ck or suck me … and do you believe they had the audacity to think I was being mean. I tell ya …
@SBM It's rather unintentional my flirting (*psss* but pass true's numba since she's looking so scrumptious).
I usually don't tell them to suck or f*ck me but I try my hand in less subtle ways. I also find this keeps me out of the friend zone because lawd knows how I hate to be "the male friend." So emasculating.
@CPT: I start out with subtle too … but at some point the inevitable happens. I'm "tested" as a friend … and then I have to get real. "Look, we aren't friends … I don't do or see the point for new female friends. Unless your f*cking, sucking, or in the running to be my woman … we really don't have anything else to talk about".
I once invited a "friend" over … and she had the audacity to ask me what her nipple was doing in my mouth … I tell ya …
lol…CPT and SBM..Funny
*bats eyelashes at CPT*
@SBM
LMBAO…I tend to sporadically breast feed myself.
Funny you could be in full on suckle and they won't ask "what are you doing" until about 3 backwards eyerolls, 2 heavy gasps and a "whew…OMG" like 8 minutes later. Then you're the nasty one…SMH.
@ True
Email, You, Me…Let's go
@CPT: And thats the part thats the most annoying. Its not "why are you so close to me", its not "why is my bra unhooked", its not "why do you want to see me" … they wait until I already got it wet and standing on end like its a snow storm … and then they suddenly remember I'm supposed to be a "friend".
I tell ya … makes ya wanna go out and choke someone.
This joint is crazy!!! @ SBM and @CPT…..There is a think line between friends you wanna smash and friends with benefits specially when there is a mutual attraction! If she lets you do all that, is her duty to let you smash!!! Thats just wrng and unhealthy!
@Sexy2: Yes … if the nipple is in my mouth … it is her duty to finish what she done started.
No one likes a quitter.
@ true…we'll have to talk offline. Plus I think I'll score a 100% on your D.C. quiz.
@SBM
That's usually the story, bruh.
@Sexy2
That's why it's best to have ugly platonic friends…no possibility of that but they better have some redeeming quality to even bear being their friend.
I agree wholeheartedly. I have lots of female acquaintances, many would get the business if I didn't have a SO. I have one female friend b/c we already did the business and I wasn't sprung enough to come back for seconds. Friend Zone'd.
I co-sign. Having a female friend is like a job: there are duties and deadlines. I have 1 female friend who does not require all of that attention.
Bond. BlkBond
Got damn! Its about time someone spoke on this! 1,000,000% Co-signage! Chuuuuuch.