How to Spot a Good Girl

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SBM: Yeah man … my girl is truly a good girl.
Draino: Man please … aint no such thing.
SBM: Naw man … I’m serious.
Draino: Ok … so how is she so “good”?
SBM: Uhhh … I mean … u know … she be good n sh*.
Draino: Right … shut yo sprung a$$ up.

I was sitting down, listening to my man Streetz’s online radio show, The Non Stop Radio Show, and the topic was “Do Nice Guys/Girls finish last?”.  Before they could even get to this part though, there was a hard question that had to be answered … “What is a good girl (or guy)?”

This made me thing, what does make a good girl.  I’m sure I can spot a good girl from a mile away, but how?  Is every guy born with a good girl radar that compliments our phat a$$ cute girl radar?  Can’t be that simple … right?

In keeping with the SBM tradition of telling you how to live your life better, I present:

5 Ways to Spot a Good Girl

She’s never heard of “The Dirty Sanchez”

Or reverse cowgirl, or “The Shocker”, or “The Superman”, or any of the official SBM S*x Slang.  Girls who just are “sheltered” when it comes to the true freakiness that almost every person now knows all to well.  Sure, you might have heard it in middle school, but this good girl still is trying to figure out why its called  blow … when u suck?

She doesn’t drink (at least heavily)

Every date is a great cheap date (easy to keep a two person dinner under $50 when there is no Remy or Goose involved). Good girls don’t get drunk … well no all the time.  Personally, I had to stop keeping count of my “intoxicated outings”.  Good girls can count them on one hand … and (here is the kicker) actually remembered what happened.

She is drug-free

Good girls don’t smoke weed, sniff coke, or do crack (hell … most bad girls aint doing crack).  If she really listened to her D.A.R.E. counselor and still has the t-shirt from the 4th grade the reminds her to stay on the right path.

She openly talks about her sexually history

And here is where the fight breaks out.  Simply stated, good girls haven’t had a train, ran through the football team, or given head for money … so their not afraid to talk about what they’ve done. Need to know their Magic Number … ok.  Need her magic ratio … no problem.  I’m not saying you should run scare of all these women who refuse to talk about it (which apparently are a lot) … but you can prolly go ahead and take them out of the Good Girl running.

Her titties aren’t out

Good girls apparently love the feel of fabric on their body, because there is never a loose aureoles in sight.  Turtle necks, floor length dresses, and bubbles protecting them from all of the outside … “good girls” don’t want to expose too much.

Now, this list is purposefully short, because the comments are where the real list will get made.  I especially want to hear from the women on this one … and any “good ones” if they even exist?

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From Our Partners

  • Anna N.

    Gotta get this in early – work is gonna be a beast today. But um, this girl sounds a little…boring. Or maybe young. If you're over 25 still asking why it's called a "blow" when you suck….I'm sorry for your man. Stop asking questions and just do it, lol!

    But most of us humans go through stages, and phases. That good girl with the turleneck may be making up for her wild child history. Or, like Rihanna, she may be a "good girl gone bad". I like turtlenecks because I'm a singer and they keep my neck toasty warm. Wouldn't call myself a good girl for that.

    I'm not even going to get into it with you about the "magic number". Sigh. When will y'all learn that's the easiest trick in the ho's playbook?

    My definition of a "Good Woman" (not girl) would be:

    - she respects her man
    - she has a stable job
    - she can hold intelligent conversation
    - she can handle kids, whether they be hers or yours
    - if she does have kids, she doesn't have a bunch of 'em.
    - she doesn't put your business in the streets
    - she has goals
    - she supports her man's goals
    - she can put together a meal and keep a house
    - she can allow herself to be vulnerable with you
    - she can keep you on point without demeaning you
    - she keeps neck rolling and cussing to a minimum
    - she has a faith
    - she carries herself with respect, not cockiness
    - she knows the meaning of the word "humble"
    - you've probably looked over her

    How do you spot her? Well, I can't really tell you. Most likely she's smiling or at least looking pleasant, not giving the gas face for no reason. She doesn't fall easily into the Madonna/Whore complex that many young men embrace. She carries herself well. But you'll have to take some time to observe her, which may not be possible if you're still chasing phat booties at the club, down the street, whatever.

    • Janelle

      Nice…..

  • Peyso

    I agree with Anna on this one. And based on you definition SBM, a good girl is just a girl who hasnt turned bad yet.

    Furthermore, I think your above definition leaves out the good girl who is a tease. I know of girls who are well informed of all the freaky nasty stuff, she smokes and she drinks and her biddies be out BUT SHE STILL HOLDING THAT V CARD. And there are a few of them out there. One would think she's a freak but she aint

  • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    Good people have good character. You can spot a good wo/man by how long it takes them to make a decision. Good people don't need to weigh options to do the right thing.

    If you don't mind, I am going to piggy back off of this cus I needed a topic for today. M'kay? Blogworld thanks!

  • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    Oh I came back to say that people look for the quick ways to tell. This is exactly how so many men get tricked. Women can pretend to be the definition of 'good' every time they are around men they want to be with.

  • http://threewaystotakeit.com RightCoastLexSteele,

    After analyzing this list, I guess I don't want a good girl. I drink heavily and so she should she. If she's a real good girl she won't mind getting down on a bottle of Jack in the crib before we go out. I may or may not part take in the Mary goodness, and even if she doesnt, she should tolerate when I do. And I agree, her boobies shouldnt be out, but sometimes when we go out, I don't mind if she shows off what she got so every can think I'm the man. And if she so happens to have too much drink and goes around telling everyone I'm the man, then so be it.

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr.J

    I like good girls. But I disagree with a few points, 1, 3, and 5 are no go's for me. #1, she better know about that stuff because I think it's funny and I want her to be able to laugh about those types of sex jokes too. #3, a little weed has never hurt anybody, neither has a little coke, as long as she doesn't make drugs her master, she's good money. #5, those are her titties, so nice, so pretty. She can do whatever she likes as long as the milk is coming home with me.

    I agree with Anna. I'll be honest with you, a sense of common sense and the ability to make sound decisions goes a long way. And it's just not something that everyone gets.

    Usher said he wanted a bad girl, and well all he got was a fat girl.

  • drea

    I think I mostly fit into this category. I'm a divorced mother of 2, and I'm 37 years old. I have limited experience, which means I don't mind talking about my 'number' because I can count them on less than one hand. I do socially drink, can cook, keep a house clean, etc. I wish I could be bad, like one of my friends who went CRAZY after her divorce. But with my limited experience-thats what holds me back. I'm shy, so I'm not out there in the clubs, and I know a guy isn't going to just fall into my lap. But most times I miss out because of more agressive women. I've had guys who just want to 'get in there'–but just doing it for the sake of doing it, that's not me. Feel like I'm gonna be a born-again virgin!

  • http://www.twitter.com/vladtv_staff Radio The Rahim

    I agree with Dr. J… accept I am willing to accept a woman who is a drinker, as long as she doesn't make that her master (well put).

    What I have issues with is comment 4 – about hoes tricking dudes into thinking they are wifey material by holding out!

    I want to know what kind of hints to look out for so that these people can be more transparent.

    There should be some sort of legal punishment for these types of situations.

    But then again, everybody (male and female) has been somebody's hoe at one point or another.

    Screw it.

  • Jasmine

    Man, I was already there…and then you said something about cleavage. Yep, there seems to always be some cleave showing when I'm out.

    BTW…WTH is a Dirty Sanchez?!?!?

  • http://bit.ly/nyexaminer streetz

    @Anna

    Church. Tabernacle.Synagogue.Mosque!

    Those points you listed are my criteria for a good woman. SBM your list makes me want to tell that chick to curve (c) Killa Cam. Honestly, I cosign with the NY Alphas Dr J. and Radio. Everyone has a past, everyone did wild ish. If you didn't you havent lived life. Your past doesn't define your future and its what makes us, us. Hell, only God can judge me, and if I had a full disclosure conversation I may be seen as a "bad boy" myself, when I'm a good person at heart!

    Homegirl in your description seems like a lame duck to me. I don't think those things necessarily make her bad, just real. Give me a "bad girl" who respects the kid over that anyway. Besides, how many of us really "WANT" a good girl anyway?

    props on the shoutout fam. Yall want to check the show goto http://blogtalkradio.com/nonstopradioshow. We got episodes on demand there or at streetztalk.net/nonstopradioshow

  • http://thismayconcernyou.com thismayconcernyou

    There's such a thing as a good girl. But most of them under 13 years old. …

    Instead we get Pedestal Pattys. Don't know who she is? Allow me to reintroduce her to you.
    http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/05/31/vii-pedes

    Yeah, reintroduce. Because I know you've met her before. Good post, SBM.

  • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    @ Radio The Rahim

    I wasn't talking about holding out for sex. I don't even feel like getting into all that mess right now.

    Women who are faking it will sit around in a mixed group and not contribute anything. They'll make it look like they are 'green' about what's going on. They will be at church every Sunday at the 7:30 service until y'all start officially dating/being in a relationship. Have her ass out past 11 on a Saturday night and watch she forget she's Sacha-Go-Churchy.

    Another example…

    If you are not a momma's boy and aren't paying MANY of your mother's bills, when your mother, sisters, and aunts do not like this 'good girl' it isn't cus they are haters. It's because game recognizes game and they can see through your 'good girl'. This is true even if your mother, sister, and aunts aren't 'good girls'. Women who care about you can see the things you can't see.

  • http://www.hankandnelia.com Nelia

    No comment. I'm not about to reveal my mystique.

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr.J

    @thismayconcernyou – LMAO, they are 13 years old.

    Me and my partner was talking about this actually on the way back from NYC. Men take younger chicks because there's a smaller window of opportunity that she's been slutted out or just used raggedy goods. They will deal with the fact that she's immature and doesn't have it all together because of her age. With older women, we just have higher expectations. Read: Anna's post. And there's mo ish too.

  • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

    LMAO @ "Shut yo spring a$$ up"

    Good girls do exist though. Men just tend to overlook us sometimes because we're so cool. We're that BFF you've had for 5 yrs and then you look up and realize we're everything you actually want in a woman.

  • http://bit.ly/nyexaminer streetz

    @luvvie,

    that doesnt mean that you dont freak off, haven't had sexual escapades, and know how to handle yourself between the sheets. Most people call that beign a bad girl, I call it being a fantasy come true for the dude with enough confidence and forsight to get at that.

    no shots at the prudes reading.

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

    In hindsight, I probably should have renamed this how to spot a prude. I know virgins that can't even qualify as a good girl because of this list.

  • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

    Streetz – True. There's a difference btwn a prude and a good girl. Good girls can get rowdy betwixt them sheets. Prudes are… asexual. lol

  • Anna N.

    Thank GOODNESS for lunch breaks!

    Anywho, y'all have some good comments going from this one – SBM I see you're causing a stir.

    @ Streetz – I knew there was a reason we get along: my dad was an Alpha.

    @ Luvvie: I feel you. Most of us flawed humans have a way of overlooking what's right in our faces. Hopefully some guy realized this before you got away – cuz that's usually how that mess turns out. No wonder Shakespeare had so much inspiration for his plays.

    @ ThisMayConcernYou – thanks for turning me on to your blog. Good insight.

  • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

    "But um, this girl sounds a little…boring. Or maybe young."

    I'll have to disagree with this one chica… I'm 28 and everything on this list is me… and I'm not boring (safe as all get out, but not boring.) lol

    But I do agree with your additions.

  • drea

    I do not consider myself a prude. And I'm not judgemnetal, either. If anything I envy freer, more aggressive women. That's just not me. Don't think I'm putting it on a pedestal, either. Maybe I'm just a late (late, late) bloomer.

  • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

    "In hindsight, I probably should have renamed this how to spot a prude. I know virgins that can’t even qualify as a good girl because of this list."

    I don't think you should be so judgemental, but it's your blog homie.

  • http://bit.ly/nyexaminer streetz

    @ Nicki

    The convent is >> way :-P lol… but do u consider girls not on that list bad? (that may not be proper ingles, but Streetz is watchin gotta type fast)

    @ Anna – Great minds think alike! :)

  • Carmen

    I consider myself to be a good woman that loves herself. I do drink and I do go out to the clubs. I like to dress sexy but not provacative. I keep my legs closed because too many men are chasing the big booty chicks with the low cut tops on and thinking they hit the jackpot. Those be the chicks that's full of STD's but bro man to mesmerized by how big her butt is to even consider putting on a condom. I have 3 kids the oldest being 21 and the youngest 10. I have mad respect in the streets because of the way I carry myself. I consider myself to be a woman with high standards. I don't need to sex any and everybody to be considered a bad girl. That's a skank and I am very far from being a skank. I work 40 hours at a good job and I come home and cook and clean. I have two girls and I am setting an example for them. You don't have to be some wild freak loose girl to get attention. Be yourself and carry yourself with high standards. If those brothas think you are not bad enough then that is theire loss. You are to good for them anyway. You can go out and have big fun as long as you don't allow anyone to lead you the wrong way.

  • berriblk

    Well I guess the original question has been answered via comments…

    "good"[by definition of the post originally] girls/boys finish LAST…

    unfortunately.

  • Sexy2

    I really dont think there is such thing as a good or bad girl. There is Comfortability. If comfortable with someone will disclose your magic number no matter what it is, you will be sexually liberated even if you have little experience, you will respect that person and cater to them because you want to not because you feel that you have to.

    Furthermore, I feel that bad girls are often viewed as bad people. You can be sexually free and good spirited, and respect yourself, and the person you involve yourself with. I dont agree with the titties comment. I second Dr.J on that, if they mine and look good I may flaunt them!

    I feel that when people talk about good girls, you ,limit yourself. I agree with Anna and her list but I think you should also want someone who genuinely cares about you, accepts you for who you are and is there for you. Besides like Streetz said, "how many of us really “WANT” a good girl anyway?"

  • smoove gp

    Everyone lies about the magic number, and for that matter, the magic ratio. At least in face-to-face situations. No one who's tryin' to get laid is gonna admit if they're a ho. As for the chick you're describing, sounds mighty wack bruh.

  • smoove gp

    @ Anna. Damn you on point on this one!

  • smoove gp

    and all too often, the chick Anna described…probably is a freak. But she keeps it in the bedroom, which is what every guy wants. Like Luda said, "A lady in the street, but a freak in the bed".

  • http://kaniakennedy.com AfroDiva

    I promise that if most men get the "good girl" described at the onset of this post, you would be out tricking in the streets in a heartbeat. As a self-proclaimed liberator of all "good girls" I promise that a woman who is sexually aware, yet not irresponsible, comfortable showing off her femininity (read will show off the girls from time to time when appropriate), and not ashamed of her past (whether the number be big or small) will make you a lot happier than some chick who is worried about appearing "bad." I teach women the art of Exotic Dancing (www.exoticise.net) b/c most "good" girls need to go "bad" so they can start enjoying life and stop being so repressed/oppressed/depressed! BAD IS GOOD!!!

    As for working 40 hours and then coming home to clean and cook, I'll hire someone for that so I can spend more time being bad with my honey ;-)

  • Ebz202

    GUESS I'm not a good girl because I know what a dirty sanchez and the name of pretty much every type of sexual position known lol. I'm sexually aware and I'm not a prude I don't get how that makes you a bad girl.

    Hello co-sign afroDiva

  • Ebz202

    good stuff @ Sexy2 also.

  • Ebz202

    And with taste I like my boobies free so 5 depending on what I wear counts me out too lol. I can dress cute but these 46D's ARE WORK!

  • Miss Dee

    I agree with the first comment above…..Im a 19 year old female who considers herself to be a good girl and one day a good woman. People are surprised to find out I listen to rap music,have sex with my bf (and him only), drink (very rarely), and go out to clubs (very rarely). I guess they think like that because I hang around other girls similar to me but they are virgins. I have a wild sexual past with several guys and Im not ashamed to tell anyone. I dont regret the mistakes I learn in life I learn from them. An older guy once told me I can hold a more intelligent than some women over 30 he has encountered. Most men are blinded by the females that let it hang all out (if you know what I mean) and dismiss women (especially good black women) like me and wonder why why are there no good black women. In America people dont believe in morals and traditions anymore. Most men and women my age have no standards and dont believe in them at all. I guess its true that most men dont know a good woman if she hit him in the face.

  • Evolgirl

    This list…lol!

  • Christina

    I know for a fact I'm a good girl. I was a virgin up until i was 18 i dont do drugs, I'm only 18 and ive got a career (no not doing reception lol, im actually a boss!!) I am quite smart and can hold very insightful conversations and I can cook clean and manage my money. But when you saw me out clubbing you wouldnt think I was a good girl. I smoke, i drink heavily on a night out and I swear like a man! So you can look all you like for these things but the truth is not all good girls fall into the same stereotype. The way to "spot a good girl?" you cant. (exept the obvious tits out, makeup packed, bleach blonde hair down to their butt and the shortest skirt possible) you just need to get to know their personality and get to know them. so what if it takes you 10 dates to find one girl you think is truly good and wife material? dating is meant to be fun, enjoy it!

  • http://www.passmeashovel.com The Sphinx

    Sometimes things aren't what they seem! That same girl could just be making you think she's a goodgirl…

  • http://gangstatigeress.blogspot.com/ Tigeress

    LOL!! U've have met a bad ass chic whose game is tight a.k.a. cowgirls!

    But on a real- a 'good girl' by what u've described doesnt mean she'll be a good wife.

  • http://www.mochababybrown.blogspot.com Mocha Brown

    I was a good girl now I'm an official good woman! I have way too many friends and relatives who were not and I knew enough about their horror stories not to want or desire to be a bad girl. I'm a nerd and I just came to grips with that fact about 4 years ago. But being a nerd has been a blessing and not a curse. I'm as square as they come and I actually like that about me. I'm not a prude but no, I still don't know what a dirty sanchez is and I don't even know if I want to find out!

  • Sherry Brown

    I consider myself a good girl that is waiting for that guy that would appriciate me, but it's been hard for me, cause i'm very attracted and alot of people say men are intimedated by me. I would like to think i'm very humble and down to earth. Seem to me most men like the bad girls! However i will not give up on that special guy finding me, so until then i will continue to do me, which is work and go to church. God Bless SB

  • Tiara J

    I do believe it is difficult to give a specific definition to what a "good girl" is because people have different criteria based on their morals and background. There are good females over 13. I consider myself a good girl and I am 21( since I made it this far, i think I will be ok ). It does annoy me that some people consider a girl who does not have a extensive sexual history, who doesn't get drunk and who does not get high boring. I personally don't have to be intoxicated to have fun sense I am comfortable with myself and enjoy being who I am. I think the reality is that most guys do not want a good girl because things don't come as easy in a relationship with a good girl.

  • http://marinademchuck.wordpress.com/about/ Marina Demchuck

    6) – She's Ukrainian ! :-)

    I like your Blog.

    Sincerely,

    Marina – Ukraine.

    http://www.west-ukraine.eu

  • lovejones

    well. from experience i would say i wouldnt tell my sex history…im a good girl tease…. i still havve my vcard im 18 i drink wear slutty clothes but you wont get any further than kissing with me…..so not all ot these points are accurate