"I used to be different. I would talk to an open ear without thinking much of the consequences."

Echoed. I'm surprised and lucky that a lot of it didn't come back to bite me in the bum.

So what do people think of trust and insecurity? Does insecurity always create a lack of trust or does lack of trust always create insecurity? Is it even possible for someone to put 100% trust in someone or be 100% secure? And lastly, do people start with your trust or do they have to earn it?

Insecurity won't automatically create a lack of trust, but it all depends on how you view it. Boy can be insecure about the strength of his relationship with Girl, but not necessarily be scared that she'll wrong him. He may just feel as though she's "so hiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaay, high above him, she's so lovely" and will eventually lose interest in lil ole unglamorous him. Likewise, lack of trust doesn't automatically imply insecurity. Not trusting someone can be more of a reflection of how one views others than of the confidence that one has in oneself.

It's absolutely possible to have faith in another human being 100%, and feel just as secure. The mind is a powerful thing. That's how you have people who seem to be faced with blatant signs of deceit & wrongdoing, but who remain adamant that their partners are innocent. It's not always a matter of being in denial — some people truly do believe that he/she would never disrespect them or the relationship.

I grow more pessimistic about relationships in general as the years go by, but I'm still a relatively trusting person. My next relationship will be interesting in the sense that I will be making some observations in an almost detached kinda way. That said, once we establish a certain level of comfort and I get a feel for who I think he is, my trust will be for him to lose. My life is stress-free when I don't have to look at everything with a side-eye. I'm a generally rational being, so I would be able to pick up on some questionable things..but I won't necessarily make it a point to keep an eye out. Relationships are always a gamble, but I'd rather remain optimistically realistic. He could mess with my heart, but then again, he might not. I'd rather focus on the latter unless he gives me reason to do otherwise.

Normally, I consider myself as a very secure individual. I don't feel threatened by other men, period. I don't ask any girl I'm dating where she's going, who she's going to be with, who's calling her phone or none of that (unless it happens to come up in a conversation).

And I know other women find me desirable. So in the immortal words of Gucci Mane, if it doesn't work with you another one will be along in fifteen minutes. Believe that. On to the story:

I was doing what you could call "dating" this woman for the better part of a year. During the course of our friendship (with full benefits), she made it clear repeatedly that she didn't want an official commitment because she's "not ready." She never really explained what that meant, and I didn't press it.

However, she also assured me that there was no one else. She told me that I was the only one she wanted to be with, albeit in a semi-official capacity. Alright….

After awhile it got to a point where I felt like I was being strung along (and admittedly, I caught feelings). I mean, if she truly wasn't feeling anyone else, then why is she unwilling to commit to me? It wasn't so much me wanting to be official right at the time, it was me wanting to know where we truly stood, and if we really could move forward together.

I just couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I was getting played here. Initially, whenever I thought about it, I'd whisper to myself "Nah, you wilin'. She's a GOOD girl. Chill out" But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Trying to talk to her about it was like talking to a spoiled four year-old. She didn't want to hear any of my concerns. Period. According to her, me asking her any kinds of questions meant that I don't trust her.

And if I don't trust her, then we can't be together. This was not up for negotiation.

To make an already long story short, fast forward a few more months and I caught wind that she was seeing someone else. And had been the entire time. I did a little research on my own, and lo and behold it was very true. Needless to say the relationship has ended but that just goes to show you.

The issue of "security" is often held as an ace up the sleeve of the deceitful. If your mate can't approach the topic of other people with some maturity, chances are they have something to hide.

…..Trust is definitely earned, not just given.

It might be the way I was brought up, but I was taught that you trust only a few and they'll mess up to eventually. No one is perfect, but you have to know when enough is enough and you should dismiss them. Unless you can tell a person every which way they shouldn't defy or deceive you more than likely they will.

Example 1: You might think that if she meets a new guy and befriends him that's cheating, but she doesn't. She was just brought up in a household where her dad allowed her mom to have male friends or vice versa.

Example 2: You might be out with your guys and you tell her you're going one place but you end up at another and it gets back to her. Just because you forgot to tell her about the last minute change of plans you've lost her trust.

The list goes on and on. It's all about compromising when you call yourself being in a relationship with someone and "trusting" them.

I know that trust means something different to everyone, so I ask before I commit. Thank you.

Secure attachment starts with Mommy. While as a baby you adore her, but during toddlerhood, if she does anything to upset that trust. Its done.

In a relationship, its usually the same: meet, they have implicit trust until they eff it up. Then the jig is up. But communication is key, while you cant tell your mother she's being a jerk, you can tell your sig. other. If they're down for you, they may reform. If not, move on.

Thanks for coming out the wood works. I don't know if men are quicker to say something, but we will definitely be quicker to shut down and withdraw. We may not make it verbally known, but it may show in our actions. I also think women may not say sumthin sometimes in an effort to avoid looking insecure.

lol, I'm aware. "People, for the most part, suck like rotten ass and burning flesh wounds." = [mostly]sarcasm. Misanthropy is also an untested distrust in other people's reasoning and/or unspoken outlooks on reality: questioning moral reasoning before observation, of which we all have occasional bouts.