Long and Thick
A classic topic with a Slim Jackson twist.
I was chattin’ with one of my female friends this past weekend about a racy website. I asked her to show me the way, so she sent me a link to a website where women (predominantly black from what I gathered) were telling stories of their s*xual adventures with celebrities. These chicks were providing in-depth details of the experiences from where they met the celebs, to the size of their tools, to the length of the sexual encounter, to anything else you could probably think of. Very Karrine Steffanish. I spent about 30 minutes on the website thighs clenched and doubled-over in erotic agony scratching my head at some of what they were willing to share in their accounts. I felt bad for several of the dudes that got poor ratings for the size of their piece or on the length of the encounter. After me and Slim Jack Jr. (yep, that is what you think it is) chuckled for a bit, we got to thinking…
Do women really really need it to be that fat/thick and long? Do they really really need the s*x to last for 45 minutes to consider it a job well-done? Does it really matter what the piece looks like when it’s soft? I, along with many of my brethren, don’t like bein’ seen flaccid. I will, however, stand with arms to the sky nekked if my piece is parallel to the ground. Gaze all you want.
I see women sharing similar sentiments about peters on blogs all the time. I remember someone sayin’ a few weeks ago on my site that she just needed a big fat d*ck to itch her lovely. I remember laughing then as well, but I also wondered what did that really mean? As far as I’m concerned, size is in the eye of the poompholder. What’s a fat D to one chick may be a regular D, painful D, or small D to a p0rnstar another. As far as me personally, I’m not gonna go down unless you’re wifey in the history books as having the gargantuan D of the century. I’m fine with that. However, I don’t mind being called the Incredible Caulk from time to time. I’m digressing again. Damn it. I don’t wanna see a chick grimace every time I’m bout to enter her wonderful love canal. I also don’t want her to ask if it’s in when I’m fully at attention and submerged in her hot abyss. For the record, the latter has never happened.
On the issue of length of the match, there are some of us out there with the gift/curse of endless endurance and some of us out there are much better at “sprinting” to the finish. As far as me personally? Good question. It depends how much I drank. But seriously, I don’t watch the clock or count the number of strokes. My only goal during my sexin’ is to ensure that she gets hers. Tongue or piece, it doesn’t matter. If she Niagara Falls all over me after 45 seconds and I get OD excited and nut at 5 minutes, I’m still callin’ it a victory. Of course I’ma go back in for round 2 since we nekked and I cleared up my internal traffic jam which guarantees marathon strokes, but I’m just sayin’.
Now I’ve geared most of this post toward the ladies, but men say things like this as well. A lot of us have made the assumption that the smaller the chick, the smaller her box will be and the better the sex. Some of us target smaller or larger/thicker women based on the size of our tools. And some of us have found out that just cuz she’s thick doesn’t mean she needs a tractor trailer plowing through her underpass and thunderous strokes to be satisfied. I used to think that the only way to get a woman to blast off was to pipe long and pipe hard all the way through. Clearly, I’ve learned otherwise over the years.
So for today, I’m wondering do women really need it to be that large and does sex really need to last a certain amount of time to be satisfied? What is large for that matter? Do you need to have an orgasm to consider the encounter “complete”? And for the fellas, what do you prefer in the box? Do you care if it’s not so tight or need it be ziplock?
I used to like ‘em small, but now I like ‘em strong,
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funny !I! ok slim i’ll bite… my first with mr.long n strong had me thinkin i fell on a baseball bat. and at the time i thought he broke me! plus the pain after is equiv to a man gettin kicked in the nuts! …oh yes it does! but once u stretch.. LETS’ PLAY BALL! but mind you, abstenince and exercise tightens things back up…llke a rubberband..but yea i miss bein stretched out then massaged..if u will…get to the deep tissue.
but now i can hold it down like a soldier..it’s nothin without foreplay.
the bar gets raised higher and it’s hard to lower
Hmnn…luvn his site, no comment for now though.
Like you said Slim – every woman has her preference. I am not a size queen – anything that remotely resembles my forearm is just gonna hurt me, lol. But I read somewhere that the average dangalang is like, 5-6 inches, which would be small to me. 7-9 inches with good girth is a much better zone. And don’t get me started on y’all who lean to the side with it – don’t you ever switch hands when you have your “alone time”, lol?
As far as time is concerned, I don’t want you rubbing me raw for an hour or more. Let’s play a little, get it in for a good 10-20 minutes, rest and repeat. And repeat.
And repeat.
We women tend to show our cruel sides when it comes to d*ck size and performance. Disappointing D and sloppy head can send even the nicest gals into a rage. We’ll dog you, and tell aaalll our friends that your D ain’t sh*t. Once you’ve given us “dreadful D” we can no longer stand the sight of you – consider yourself Bernie Madoff’ed. Sometimes y’all deserve this treatment cuz you came to the floor half steppin’, but sometimes (I’m side-eyeing that website) it’s just the unattractive cackling of chicken heads.
Anna “This one’s juuuust right!” N.
@golden: LOL @ “fell on a baseball bat”. I guess foreplay is equally as relative. I sometimes think that it’s a lost art.
@anna: LOL @ Bernie Madoff’ed. I think I mentioned in a post here or on Three Ways that s*x is the one area where women have an advantage over men. They can really clown a dude for the piece game. I also generally don’t hear women talking about pressure to perform and knocking it out the box to ensure sustainable beats.
It definitely is a personal preference. I’ve never been with anyone who didn’t need Magnums, but size without skill only goes so far. Not to mention that there can be too much of a good thing. Frankly, every woman says she wants it allll the way in there– but I’m here to tell you that only the ones who derive pleasure from pain enjoy getting their cervix banged up. As long as I’m aroused and you don’t do anything stupid (like not listen to me when I tell you to stay RIGHT THERE lol), I’ll get mine. But I guess I’m just lucky like that
You really know how to kick off the morning Slim!
No matter what size, he should know how to use it to satisfy–whether it be a marathon or quick sprint.
*cracks knuckles*
I tell you what…I’ve gotten no complaints and I’ve even had a female physician give me the bill of approval for my length, girth and hang…so I’ll take Doc’s word for it. Gotta love it when the medical community validates you.
As far as women are concerned…athletic and active women to me have that gorilla fist that if you’re not careful, could snatch back on the outstroke. Any woman can achieve that through Kegel exercises or just actively participating in the activity at hand (yes, I’m takin a pot shot at lazy heffas). All I ask is that before I stick it in, it doesn’t give me that funny feeling in my stomach like I’m looking over the side of skyscraper or give me flashbacks from the early Death Pit scenes of 300.
I guess you can say I’m like Willis and Arnold….”Different Strokes.” My advice is to worry less about size of your tool or tool box. Let’s be honest, you’re stuck with it either way. Plus the condidence of knowing your skill helps your game. The best thing you can do is learn how to be a plumber. That means you have to change the way you pipe depending on how leaky the faucet. Remember “different strokes for different folks.” Either way, “get it wet” like Twista and you’ll be in good shape.
Give me about 6-8 inches and 11 minutes….I’m not picky long as you know what you’re doin!!!
Now my first encounter with a white man was an EYE OPENER!!! I didn’t know they got THAT big! He put ALOT of ninja’s to shame. But alas, the stereotype is true…WHITE MEN HAVE NO RHYTHM!!!! He shoulda been able to donate that sh*t to the cause, b/c that anaconda was ready… but, even a snake charmer couldn’t coax that poor thing. On the other hand, I’ve had a black man who should have been able to receive some sort of disability check for his “handicap” b/c he was hung like a new born babe….sad when your tongue is longer than your jank-I’m jess sayin!!!
Hmmmm. Thanks for the honesty. I hope not to sound too mean or discouraging. But a lot of this interracial interaction is just mutual ego banging. You got a white man to do you. Now isn’t that great — he made you feel special. He got a black girl to give him some coochie, so now he’s got bragging rights and can go back to his crowd with a studly reputation. But you don’t get it: myth rules. The black chick was easy, like his people always told him. You got your ego stroked because you feel “desired” by a white man, but in truth whitey is the winner because he got some practice-fucking that will help him in his marriage to a white woman. You are good enough to bed, but not good enough to wed. BTW, I interpret your statement about your FIRST encounter w/ a white man to mean that others got practice time with you as well. Wake up and get yourself a husband of any color who wants to raise a healthy-minded family with you.
Ummm… I’m not exactly impressed by folks swanging looking like a Louisville Slugger, but at the same time I’m not lookingfor a “little guy” either I need something in between with confidence and endurance to enjoy. As for the time question-if I am actually paying attention to notice the time on the clock or what’s happening on tv to notice exactly how much time has lasped-something has been done wrong- don’t care if it 20 minutes or an hour-the amount of time that has passed should be a mystery cause I was so wrapped up what we were doing.
And yes I must finish in order for it to be a job well done-otherwise what the hell are we doing this for-his pleasure alone?!?
@1uppity: “And yes I must finish in order for it to be a job well done-otherwise what the hell are we doing this for-his pleasure alone?!?”
I know a good number of women who don’t even care about getting off. They just want that D in there pumping away for some amount of time.lol. Then again, for someone women an orgasm is like chasing the ever-elusive white dragon.
Its all about performance to me. If you know how to work yo shyt, then satifyin the ladies shouldnt complain. Ladies have told me of a size requirement though, so IDK. My main concern is going to war, leaving no man behind, and completing my objective.
I can be covert and sneak up on her and murder the pum a la Goldeneye
Or I can strategically devise a plan to make her achieve extreme orgasms a la Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.
Either way, make it happen.
And fellas, why are ladies tellin me more of you dudes are ‘1 and done” nikkas?! You KILLIN us out here!
Those dudes that qualify as Two Pump Chumps just needed proper guidance.
@ Slim
The women who don’t care about getting off…where dey at?
Never met one, although sometimes they aren’t too sure on how to get themselves off so why care?
I’m howling at this post and comments. I’ll throw my hat into the ring and say much of the same.
I’ve never messed with a small penis, per se, all were average to large; all had varying capabilities. Average D’s can most certainly get the job done if! they know what they are doing. There are plenty of guys out there who don’t (like try to leave out foreplay completely for example).
I am one of those women who doesn’t need to ‘finish’ to enjoy a session . We do exist – lol- and not in a pitiful way as some might assume. Some women just take a very long time to get revved all the way up, and I’ll leave it at that.
Oh yeah…new slogan:
“Kegels…because throwing hot dogs down hallways just won’t cut it.”
“It’s like sticking a banana into a power socket.”
“Trying to thread the needle.”
so updated posts don’t show up in my google reader or on my blogroll of my page. i forget a lot of times to check this site because of it.
*************
good topic though. i pretty much agree with the rest of the comments.
Sad to say, I tried to do the horizontal sheet tango with a guy, but it looked like a button….really it was so small, i wondered if he was a she trying to be a “he” …. in anycase, no one eyed monsters got near my box that night…so yes size matters. I like em average. Average for me is an 8 or 9, & nice & thick like a cucumber…TMI, I’m sure…oh well u asked!
my one girlfriend told me that it seems like good sex and good music are extremely hard to come by, especially with our generation.
I won’t front:
My number 1 is ten full inches with lots of girth.
I recall actually looking at it the first time like… Hmm… That’s a whole lot.
BUT!
I have had average girth and 5 inches of talent come in at a close second.
Honestly – as long as it is not miniature, it depends on if you know how to work what you have. And of course if there is chemistry.
DC Diva: “Average for me is an 8 or 9, & nice & thick like a cucumber…”
Eight to nine inches is average now? Based purely on statistics, that’s like saying 6′-6″ to 6′-8″ is average height for a man in the US. Granted, I fall in that category so I’m not mad (well, except for that under six feet thing), but still.
i think it depends on the skill of the man, honestly.
if you have 10 inches and can’t hit a home run when you’re up to bat, what’s the use of having it?
long and thick is relative, like you said.
lmao @ hugh jazz
Thick. Yes. Long? Not necessarily. Hitting my cervix does not make for happy times. Those screams wouldn’t be out of pleasure, but pain. Anyway, we all get tripped up on what it looks like. Who cares? Strap up, go in for that reconnoissance mission. Because you missed an O.
I think it’s pretty funny reading some of these comments. I’m surprised there aren’t more men carrying Magnums just so the chick sees the gold wrapper as a ploy to get her in the sheets.
oh come on npot every guy is a loser in bed
i fuck 2 hours straight
and i never had standing problems
i know there is guys with problems
but please keep in mind there is some guys who are just fine
the internet makes it seem like every man has one inch of manhood and and the record for longest sex is 12 seconds
gimme a break
i always stood my man
and i never came prematurely
NOW you can hate on me
Hate on you? Why bother? The range of “normal” is a wide and varied. A ten-minute toss in the hay is enough to satisfy some women, while others need foreplay and afterplay if you want to keep them pleased. In a marriage a woman who likes sex may feel guilty about spending time instead of raising her children and keeping house. Your comment about “2 hours straight” is intriguing. That’s great — as long as your partner doesn’t get addicted to your come, your cock, your technique or her orgasms. A woman can never let go, if the sex is so good that it drives her crazy. You become like that proverbial bird in the gilded cage. You’re like a cock with a gilded lock.
Honestly; I’m not goin to say that size doesn’t matter, because it do. However;
size is not everything. Your performance has to be on point. I mean a dude can have
a nice size; and not be able to do anything with it. So its just about knowing your
body. Certain sexually positions should not be tried, based on the d*ck size. So
don’t be trying to do some fancy sh*t, and it be a failure. As far as how long, I’m sorry
but I do NOT want to ALWAYS have sex for 45 mins. Hell give me a good 5 mins and I’m good. As far as having an orgasm, I think its selfish for a man to just look after himself;
hell let me get my nut before you. If not; don’t be mad if i pull out a toy to get the deed
completed, hell he could help if he wanted.