Comments on: No sweetheart … that’s not a date

By: Sweetness

Sweetness — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:31:37 +0000

some really good stuff here!!! my POV is that no matter how long you 'get to know' a person, you never really know that person or what they are capable of but you can almost 'see' a persons character & integrity from jump, (hell sometimes they dont even know themselves) but as an adult (as a child…thought as a child…as an adult…put away childish things…) we know right from wrong and have free will to make responsible decisions. knowing this, do what you feel. if you dont want to, dont do it and if it feels right, then go for it…but dont complain about regrets once the deed has been done…learn from those mistakes which make u stronger and keep it moving (dont let me see u on those judge shows makin urself look ridiculous). If you feel disrespected, then it was probably not a good idea, but you followed your own feelings and thoughts…in short use your intuition and be smart, speak up for urself and be comfortable with your decisions (u have to live with your choices)…we will keep making mistakes til the end of time, so do ur best as u travel this road called life…peace!!

By: To Give it Up or Not to Give it Up « Single Sisters Speak Out

To Give it Up or Not to Give it Up « Single Sisters Speak Out — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 02:07:27 +0000

[...] should the draws hit the floor? When your convinced her likes you for you, a sufficient number of real dates have occurred. It should feel good and natural, you shouldn’t feel disrespected, and you should [...]

By: cor3na

cor3na — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:40:26 +0000

sooo… i need pointers as a young female in college who understands the $ struggle with guys in my range… how do i encourage a guy to try and DATE the CORRECT way? im 20 and I've STILL NEVER been on a proper date… however i am not one of those dumb heffas that just give it up… clink clink ova here… until the time is right and chillin in ur room with Brown Sugar aint workin fa me.

By: AB

AB — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:07:13 +0000

@ Shermy

Good question, the answer is that if you "go on dates" you can neither connect on a physical level or on an emotional one.

The problem is that even guys who want a "higher relationship" have learned that they don't have a chance in hell of "any other level" if they go on what SMB calls a "real date."

That's why the "boycott" has happened.

By: Friendship is Essential…or Is It? | Single Black Male

Friendship is Essential…or Is It? | Single Black Male — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:51:57 +0000

[...] Register « No sweetheart … that’s not a date [...]

By: Shermy

Shermy — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 10:17:58 +0000

I'm with Afro Diva on this one. From the comments, it sounds like there aren't any benefits for men to go on dates. It seems like y'all are looking for someone to connect with on just a physical level. There is no benefit to connecting with a woman on any other level?

By: Afro Diva

Afro Diva — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:29:39 +0000

ROFLOL, I have been wondering what happened to dating and now I see. I can count the # of dates I have been on lately with single digits and the # of dudes getting any tail= 0. I was wondering if it was me when at least 2 different dudes called me "high maintenance" when I asked point blank "Why do you keep asking me to come to your house or asking to come to my house to chill or asking me to kick it at the last minute and then act surprised when I am a "no"? Dude I don't know you like that AND I have a life thus already made plans. If you want to get to know me, ask me out on a date!"

Unbeknownst to me yall have declared a man boycott on dating! Moreover, women for some strange reason have been going for it! No wonder I've single for so long, it's not me it really is you! FYI @AB if I have made a guy an FB it's b/c I know he is not relationship material, but useful to scratch that itch from time to time. There is no transition!

By: Ashleigh

Ashleigh — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 19:06:46 +0000

I think women that actually think that the aformentioned examples are lacking one thing: common sense. I would think that anyone can see that those examples weren't dates but it's sad to say that I know chicks that actually think those example would be going above and beyond….

By: Beautiful Distractio

Beautiful Distractio — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:52:47 +0000

End of the day, there is not a one size fits all to dating. I have done the fall through and watch a movie thing AND it NOT lead to sex, as well as the formal, come grab me at 8 and lets catch a concert and drinks at the bar. I'm with whoever said do what you like. I hate putt putt.. I don't do putt putt dates. EVERY once in a great while I get sucked into it because the course looks kinda cool. but in general, Putt Putt will annoy the hell outta me. The do what you like thing was def good advice.

Futhermore, I do agree that much of male behavior is a result of men doing as women allow, which is a result of women believing when men say they want us to be this or that way… Stupid cycle, but it is what it is.

Dating doesn't have to be expensive! A good date for a good woman means, lets go somewhere with alcohol, enough distractions (tv's) to keep it from being awkward and GOOD CONVERSATION. Easily can do that on 30-50 bucks MAX. BTW Movies are a horrible first date…

By: AB

AB — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:17:58 +0000

Haha, @ Brandon,

You're right. Thankfully I've always been careful with the pocket book, although I used to spend money (we are talking 40-45 per date MAX), that's nothing compared to most people I know who have dropped HUNDREDS, bragging that, "you are supposed to show a lady a good time." It was I who warned them against doing so…and then weeks later having to play "I told you so."

@ Anna, yes it is that serious! If the ladies want more dates, they need to behave better. I can't stand when people complain about something and then do everything possible to spit in the faces of those who do what they say they want. I consider it a public service to tell people how it is, even if its not politically correct.

In terms of the 'simping' thing, you guys forget that I said it was my FORMER experience (and I'm not afraid to say I've messed up before). My point was that over time guys simp at some point and then because of the behaviors I was talking about, they learn to stop doing it–hence the lack of dating nowadays, and more of the stuff SBM was talking about and which Brandon co-signs, and PYT follows indirectly. (i.e. a "creative date" isn't a date according to SBM)

Am I mad that I no longer waste money on real dates? Hell no! It saves me money and time (note Anna, Brandon, that was my point!)

But those arguments ya'll made are not refutations of my point, which is that the model of dating that women (not just sisters) wish still existed doesn't work FOR MEN. If you want to call old-school dating simpin' I *completely* agree, that's why I and many, many other guys stop doing it. People can "no-sign" all they want, but that doesn't encourage dudes to do things that aren't in their self interest.

Let's not forget that "simpin" is well promoted by women. If I had a Benjamin for how much my mom, grandparents, etc. lauded the importance of standard dating (simping) I'd be able to pay for
Harvard Med School in cash. It's not all the dudes' fault that they get deceived by the people who should tell them how the world really is (as opposed to how it 'ought' to be).

I'm just letting people know the truth, from a long-former simp's point of view. It may not be what some want to hear, but what would you rather, that I lie to you and say that guys are super enthusiastic about being "let's just be friend(ed)" after an adult date when there are cheaper and more effective options other than dating?" Come on now.