All that said, it's important for a woman to know how to convey the fact that she doesn't need a man without sending the message that all men are therefore dispensable. It could be true at the end of the day, but who really wants to get with someone and constantly be made to feel as though they can be replaced at the drop of a dime? I'm personally not partial to the idea.

I am of the perspective that everyone, male or female needs a certain amount of independence. Depending on that level of independence, when you find a partner it can unite or destroy.

For example. I am independent as a result of circumstance, (trust, a man at home to submit to – in the proper sense of the word – would be welcomed), so I can not date a man whose parents heavily influence his every thought, pay his bills and intend to support him like a little prince until a woman comes along to fill the shoes.

Does it sound like I been there? Yeah, how about brother had a 5000 sq foot house but didn't have a check book. *sigh. But I loved him – just ain't work.

My independence and his non conflicted majorly. He felt I was a know it all, I felt he was handicapped by his parents. Conflict.

Yet even for an independent man, Independent women, even without the I don't need you attitude, are still difficult to partner with. When she has to do it all herself, it is difficult to invest trust in someone else doing some of it for her. That's not being a bitch, that is reality. Our hearts hurt easily. And honestly, most men aren't going/willing to work for/through it. They will just wife submissive Suzy and keep it pushin.

So. We adapt. "Fuck it. I got this. I'd love to not have to, but experience tells me otherwise."

By the way, adaptation is normal.
While I am not running guys off with my attitude, I am very much like, "yeah, in all likelihood, the ideal dude for me – don't exist. I hope he does, but eh.." Doesn't make me an ABW or an Independent Bitch. Makes me a product of my experience.

I love when a man extends his chivalry to me and opens the door and its always appreciated by a thank you and a smile but I'm not going to freeze/melt in the snow/hot azz sun waiting b/c I need him to do so…I know how to open a door: grab handle push or pull, walk inside…very simple, lol(forgive me for being facetious)…but I do not know how to love me as a man would…now that I need…and like CPT said, it becomes about Interdependency..I need him to love me as a man who loves a woman loves.

Alex, you bring up marriage…whole 'nother ball game, you're building a life together, you cannot be independent in togetherness…oxymoron..at least to me it is.

Again..to me(Smiley Face)…being independent is taking care of what you have (self love) and nurturing what you want(love of…).

*tongue in cheek* If you need a Mercedes to appreciate your house…something's wrong with your house in the first place…

Ladies, don't micro-manage your man!

Hugh Jazz – RIGHT ON! I agree with you 100%

I think a lot of women forget their needs in this argument. Do you really NEED to mow the lawn? Cheese. Really? I mean seriously.

Ladies, ask yourself this question: What I find most important in my familial relationships, my platonic relationships, and my romantic relationships is…

A) the emotional support they provide. Being there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Giving advice. Giving me a word of encouragement. Paying me compliments. Making me feel like I am the most important person in the world. Just holding me. Being a friend.

B) the help they provide with my day to day life. Buying the groceries. Doing the laundry. Washing the car. Picking up the children. Killing the bugs. Changing the car's oil. Checking to see if the strange bump in the night is a burglar.

I'll bet that every single one of you answered A. In fact, if you removed A from your life, you would probably want to stop living. Therefore, you do NEEEEEED emotional support. Why do you then equate a man, the most important person in your life, with B????

Really, you don't need a man to live, but don't you need a man to have the life you want? Don't you need a man to have a life worth living?

Telling someone that you don't need them and that you only want them turns them into a luxury. After all, what is a luxury other than something you only want?

If women don't need men, then aren't men then just kind of like a Mercedes? A Mercedes is great the moment you buy it. It's still very luxurious a year later. But after 10 years, it starts to wear out, parts wear out, it starts to look old, and the luxuriousness turns into a burden. Not to mention it starts to get obsolete. It doesn't have the newest innovations like a GPS or a hard drive for your music. In 10 years the cars will be at least parking themselves. If the Mercedes is stolen, the owner suffers, sure. Just as a woman suffers if she divorces her husband. But she will survive. She can take the bus. She can carpool. She will probably buy a new car. In fact, if she does lose the Mercedes, it will almost revitalize her life. Sure, she'll have to buy a new car, but the car will probably be better than the Mercedes. How do the "I don't need a man" women not treat their men like they do their Mercedes'?

We should feel about our spouses the way we feel about our houses. If a tornado takes your Mercedes, it's a burden. But if it wipes out your house, you are devastated. You don't just want your house. You need your house.

Husbands and wives NEED to need each other. Independence is important when you are single, but when your romantic relationship starts to get serious it needs to gradyally evolve into interdependent, whereby both of you need one another. Marriage is not two people living separate lives. It is two people sharing the SAME life! In marriage 1+1=1 not 2. You don't live 50/50. You live 100/100. Each of you gives 100% of yourself to the other. That requires and creates need.

Don't turn each other into luxuries.

I think men usually misinterpret the saying, "I can take care of myself" quote for the above. Just because a woman doesn't need a man to take care of her doesn't mean she isn't open to love. Taking care of someone (financially) is different than love. I mean, you can love yourself, but it's not as stimulating as having a parter who loves you.

And Co-signing Smiley Face in terms of there being a difference between "need" and "want". I think men continuously confuse the two when dealing with independent chicks. I mean, think of it this way. You may not NEED a women to cook dinner for you (i.e. you know how to make a bologna sammich to fufill your hunger needs), but you WANT her to because it makes you feel good when the wifey is being domestic and ish. Same thought applies to women. We don't NEED you to pay our bills or fix our car, but it makes us feel "soft and pink" when you do. We like the feeling it brings, but we don't need it.

Ding Ding Ding!!!!

We don't want competition!!! I wish some of the SBIW that I encounter would just realize that. It's a big turn off if a woman is having small talk with you and has throw in the plug that she has an Acura. It's a turn off we tell you a little about ourselves and of course you have to one-up us.

Independent should be replaced by "inter-dependent", meaning that you have the potential to form a union with someone of like mine instead of creating an island for yourself and then integrating yourself into a relationship likened more to a power struggle. INTERDEPENDENT people! I'm looking for an Interdependent Lady!