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Single Black Male (The One & Only)
Slim Jackson
Streetz
Dr. J
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I dug into the archives for this one. I actually wrote this piece in 2006. Wow time flies. However, with so many cookouts and outdoor events, there’s a lot of skin out. And us fellas are looking, and you ladies are obliging, so let’s talk about it…
Lady C: Indeed they do- Monday through Sunday.
My Neighbor: damn right
My Neighbor: light skinned girls are super fantastic I have a [thing] for them
UNC Socialite: hmmm….interesting…I never worry about my skin color…u think darker skinned girls do?
UNC Socialite: also, light skinned girls don’t think about their skin color…not saying darker skinned girls do…but I think it might be like being white. But I’d hate to be ugly, light and ugly or dark and ugly.
I won’t answer that now, perhaps it’s a rhetorical question. I want to note a few things in this post. I have never witnessed a group of light skin women having a conversation about how guys are infatuated with dark skin women. In fact, I know plenty of guys who date primarily dark skin girls, i.e., the VP, and no one goes up to him and says, you have a dark skin girl complex. As well, I’ve never heard a light skin woman say to a man or a female friend, “He only likes her because she’s dark skin.” (I will personally admit, when I judge whether a light skin girl is attractive or not, I try to see her in different shades to make sure, I’m not lunching (tripping), because sometimes girls get away with that hogwash.)
What am I saying here? I’m saying this, God made us all beautiful, in different sizes, colors, heights and weights, if we get hung up on skin color we are neglecting God’s plan. Now I will say, some guys have a preference and some guys have a complex. But the men need to address this issue within themselves, and DO NOT need the peanut gallery assisting them. For women who get hung up on it, MOVE ON, there are guys for every girl.
And for a brief moment of a wider thought, do we have any idea what the skin complex has done to our race for hundreds of years? And honestly, does the thought that someone has a light skin complex or preference ever come from them, or the peanut gallery? I will say that in private everyone discusses preference, but that goes both ways and different ways. People all have preferences; some like dark, light, tall, short, skinny, chubby, plump, big breasts, big booties, athletic builds, athletes, intellectuals, and the list goes on and on like the BBE.
Last thoughts, looking at the spectrum of video hofessionals, a great deal of the famous ones are dark skin. Read: Melyssa Ford, Karrine Stephens (Superhead), the girl from the 112 video, and many more. I’ll name a few names to you that compose most guys top ten in Hollywood list: Halle Berry, Nia Long, Gabrielle Union, Nicole Aree Parker, Vivica Fox, Sanaa Lathan, Meagan Good, New New from ATL and the Frontin’ video, and I could go on. Case in point, it’s a 4 to 4 tie.
Minor Notes:
Based on the amount of attention given to light skin girls, if I was a dark skin girl, I wouldn’t waste my time with the hate, just go get some latin girls, they are like snakes to mice.
Here’s a quote from an Essence article Kanye was featured in:
“According to a person close to the Essence story, Kanye reportedly told the magazine, “If it wasn’t for race mixing, there’d be no video girls.” Then, as if his first comment wasn’t offensive enough, Kanye referred to biracial women as dogs. The rapper told, “Me and most of my friends like mutts a lot … Yeah, in the hood they call ‘em mutts.”
I do not even have to ask what you think, because I know you have thoughts. Ladies, answer the question for us fellas. I already know a certain ray of Sunshine whom I want to hear thoughts from.
Dr. J also known as, Mr. Ay Let me Twitter Dat
I'm light-skinned, I don't think I've had anymore (or less) fun than my darker skinned sisters. However, THEY thought (and still think) I had an advantage. I distinctly remember one night when we were in a restaurant, two of my darker skinned girls said, "Chele, you order. With the skin, the hair and the boobs, we know we'll get good service!" They cracked up laughing but I was pissed that all the Cheleness had been boiled down to a few assets. "Do you all really believe that?" I asked.
This sparked a debate that continues to this day. They swear I get better service, more attention from men, nicer attitudes from melanin-challeged folks primarily because of my skintone.
I seriously don't see it in my interactions though it cannot be argued that the light-skinned long haired girlies are all up and through the video, tv, movies, etc. My least favorite example – in a less visual world Jill Scott would rule and Alicia Keys would be her backup singer… just sayin'.
Perhaps, as an experiment some of the lighter toned persons reading this site should spend some extra time soaking up some UV rays. I do not mean to offend, I am only stating that if anyone feels there is no difference, try it from the other perspective. If nothing changes, oh well, but if somethings do change well then that would be something worth writting about. It may sound a little cliche, but I can clearly recall California summers spent under the sun near the pool or on the beach. These summer days resulted in a darkened complexion and hearing things like " Oh you're pretty for a dark girl". This issue has exsisted for a long time and will always be around. I have a friend from the Phillippines that happens to be the dark one in here family, but she is very light and has what most would consider a glowing tan. I met a young man once who is Puerto Rican he is also the dark one, he is two shades darker than my Phillipino friend. This issue is not very important to me, except when someone tries to deny it exsists. It does, it will still be here tomorrow and it is exhuasting.
Better yet, why not consider the other spectrum, where you have a group of people, from you're own race, excluding you because of their resentment for something you had no choice, or took no part in, other than being born a certain way. People perceive lighter, as an advantage, thus anyone who has this advantage over them, automatically begin to believe that you see it as well and will presume you will hold it over them. If i'm happy with the way i look, and dare to even feel good about myself, i'm immediately viewed as another arrogant and conceited light skinned girl. So dare i should utter any positive feelings about my attributes, i'm the villian, the fake white, the sellout , or whatever else titles i've heard many blacks utter. I don't showboat, i don't put others down, or feel i'm particularly better..
but I'll be damned if i start feeling guilty, ashamed, or timid about likeing my appearance, and if others choose allow their own self doubts, insecurities, or complexes encourage them down the path of bitterness, jealousy, or egotism , then that's on them …
Love yourself people, stop worrying about who might have it better or worse, get over it, you can't change somethings about yourself, so learn to embrace them and have the GRACE to not make other people feel bad because of you decided to remain bitter…..Dark or Light it's how you are on in the inside that determines your true worth
I meant to say the most glaring example is Jill Scott and Alicia Keys. Everyone knows Jill (and Angie Stone for that matter) can sing circles around Alicia.
You can't compare Jill and Alicia and make it a skin color thing?
I love me some Jill … but you think the extra 50 lbs between the two might come into play a little more than the skin tone?
@SBM, that's what I think. Even though skin tone is an aspect of who to sell in the media more, and me being the racially aware chick that I am, I honestly think weight trumps it on the list of priorities. Unfortunately, talent is dead last on that list…sometimes it's even nonexistant.
@Cheekie: Yeah … look at Ashanti!
I think Jill and Alicia both have great talent. I do think society does see one as more talented or would get more media attention because of the weight issues and Jill's more natural appreance. Even though Alicia dresses down comapred to most she is still seen as the societal(if thats a word) standard. Also Alcia can play the piano and vocally i think she is great too. Now we should say what if Beyonce was dark skinned?
I agree.
weight may explain the jill/alicia, but weight wouldn't explain the difference in success/attention between india.arie and alicia keys.
"Last thoughts, looking at the spectrum of video hofessionals, a great deal of the famous ones are dark skin. Read: Melyssa Ford, Karrine Stephens (Superhead), the girl from the 112 video, and many more."
Ninja, did you just say Melyssa Ford and Superhead are dark-skinned?
I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, please, and I misinterpreted that.
And yes, I first realized it when I moved to Atlanta. Light skinned women are much more highly valued than dark skinned women. I know a lot of people who will go for a light skinned 7 over a dark skinned 10. I know people who don't believe dark skinned 10's exist, because their concept of beauty IS light-skinned.
Bruda… I've met Melyssa Ford and Karrine Stephens, they are brown/dark skin. Don't let photoshop fool you. Remember the Beyonce Covergirl ads. They lighten people. Hell, Gabrielle Union looks light skin in some of her pictures.
I've met Melyssa Ford too. She is yellow. She's so far from dark, it ain't funny. And I've seen the superhead porn with Mr. Marcus, who you could argue is brown or dark skinned. They ain't the same color. Jessica White and Gabby I'll give you as brown, but superhead, no.
cosign. Ford is Hella Yella. Everyone else ill cosign.
This is a debate that I've been through countless times. Being brown skinned and coming from a family of "mutts" I don't think that light skinned girls have some kind of advantage. I have come across some people like what Brandon St. Randy described but that was mostly in the south where color complexes are still very much a part of society.
I've do come across people who tell me that I'm the "prettiest brown skinned girl [they've] ever seen" and this compliment[?] is almost ALWAYS followed with them asking me where I'm from because apparently no pretty non-light girl can be American. But honestly those are few and far between. I personally think the pretty brown skinned girls got it the best…bit I'm kinda biased
I TOTALLY SPELLED MY NAME WRONG!!!lol but my comment still stands
~BABYGURRL~
well im cuban nd im dark skin but im not an exotic mix…. but every time i go somewhere they are like u r really pretty…. oh u can be model…. nd dis cuban man in miami was like you can be in a beauty pagent to run for ms. cuba or something lol… but when i here lil wayne or other rappers be like i like a redbone i really dnt care i dnt get all mad nd stuff but yea dark skin girls shouldnt be mad for their skin color… <3 xD
Omg… Tell me what this happens to me all the time…If you are pretty and dark skinned, you just have to be some exotic mix. I'm Haitian and Jamaican, but so if every other girl from miami… I have a lot of spanish, mixed race friends who are very attractive, but when we are all out together, I never feel less sexy, beautiful or wanted…I guess it boils down to a confidence issue. So what if a rapper prefers to bust one on a light skin face appose to a shade like mine…shoot, let her have it…lol…jk
I will cosign this ALL day and night! I've been told I look like I'm from India to Lima. I have also been that 'exception' to some guys who prefer light skinned women and long or relaxed hair. Instead of feeling flattered, I feel offended.
I've been told that I couldn't possibly be just black or I'm pretty for a black girl. The latter statement folks won't say to my face.
I have never had a preference but outside of my first relationship which was with a brown-skinned young woman, all after have been light-skinned. Most of the time it was not my choosing. I had one girl I was involved with say I had a type. Which I don't think I do, I give most people an opportunity and if they happen to be light-skinned then so be it. I didn't have a choice in the matter.
Now I know people who will only date light-skinned women or sistas who only do dark-skinned brothas. I think it is all about preference. You like what you like. your attraction to something is not a slight to a group, it is just your preference and I would rather go with my preference than try to start something with someone I may not even be attracted to.
I do think light-skinned women get more attention from white guys though because they are of a fairer skin tone. Just a side note.
I used to think this, but now, I'm seeing white guys with darker ladies more often. Like when I see a black/white interracial couple, 8 times outta ten the chick is dark skin-toned. And some of those times, her hair is natural.
I've also noticed that a lot of those white guys are accused of having black fetishes.
True True True.
but in that same fetish note its also said that black men like white girls for sex and submissiveness. i dont believe either one. i think its a story that applied a few pplz situation but not others. someone goes aruongd telling us all that in order to scare us up enough so we wont venture out. kinda like a fear of the unknown ( i take philosophy so we always analyse dumb stuff )
Hey, I love 'em all. If you fine, you fine. Light,dark, brown or latin, it doesn't matter.
…But if you're white you can't even get a look.
As for what I observe from others, I do notice that there seems to be a preference around here (Detroit area) for light-skinned sistas though..
Disagreed…I'm from Detroit (born and raised and currently living)…I am a caramel athletic/curvy build gal…I get more attention and compliments than all of my light-skin friends who are equally pretty.
Believe me: if you live in Detroit, are very light, slim, have (REAL) hair past your brastrap, over 30 years old, wear clothes that are low key, fit properly and look like you take care of yourself, you are almost an oddity. Men (black and white) will stare at you like you are a mirage. I was on Broadway downtown once at a parking meter and I overheard two brothers coming up the street arguing about my ethnicity. When they got close enough they decided that I was indeed a sista. I happily confirmed that fact. I wasn't offended at all. I thought it was funny.
Yes–in my experience light skinned women get more attention here. Why? Because it's relatively rare in inner city Detroit, and because, frankly, life is NOT fair.
This posting is great!
I being light skin am the lightest thing in my family. All of my sisters and brothers are all brown skin. I never had to deal with the fact that my skin color made me a target until I was in Middle school. I was called all types of white B's. It hasn't stopped yet! I have to deal with it still as a working professional in Corporate America.
I'm so happy my parents taught me that beauty is only skin deep and on the inside we're all one color. We all bleed the same color blood, we all hurt the same. I know the tormenting from being born light skin (remember I didn't have a choice) has caused havoc on my dating life, because I only date brown skin men. I have this concept in my head that if my kids aren't born my complexion it will be one less thing to keep them from being whatever it is they want to be without all of the commotion from the color of their skin.
I think it's so crazy how we discriminate against our on race. I'm quite sure Hispanics don't do it and they come in various shades as we do.
Please wake up people. I love me no matter what color I am!!!!!! Repeat it in the mirror 1 million times. I will love everyone no matter what color they are.
ChiRiCity – Hispanics DO do it…they're worse than us!
Well not in the Hispanic family I was raised around. They were all shades and you would never hear it come out of their mouths about Jessica being better than Tara because she was lighter.
We still need to wake up as a race! Ummm…. Hello Black people!
I was just about to say this, lolol.
Takle it from someone whose perused Latin America: The LS/DS debate is like Slavery redux. Ive personally had Dominican women tell me that because of my skin tone, their family could look past me being "black" Sometimes it is THAT real
im a halfa with latino and if yu took a look at my family yu wouldnt beable to recognize a com,mon trait beside the body shape and face because we all dif colors
exactly! they have a HUGE color complex.
I also don't think Melyssa Ford or Supahead are dark skinned- they prob in the middle, brown like me. LOL. I think some people are delusional about their "lightskinnedness". LOL. nothing wrong with being brown. my best friend in middle and high school was a light skinned girl with hazel eyes. I always felt she got more attention than me–I don't know if it was her complexion, but I do think it was mostly her eyes. Couldve just been because I was skinny! LMAO. I dont really notice the attention or looks thing now and I have friends of all hues, we just all bad and do our thing in our own way…..
I understand what you're saying, but think about this: What if your boyfriend is ONLY with you because of your light skin? If you had children with him, even if they don't turn out to be as light as you, they still might be born with inherited complexes about themselves or other people because of the fetish their dad had. And for you to choose to date brown skinned men for the reason you stated is ignorant and closed-minded.
I enjoy the blog immensely, but I do have one concern, however. What is the sake of such discussion? I mean, this is a question that's been discovered over and over again, from CNN to Essence magazine…..but what happens next? I guess, what do we do with the responses. Do we just have another discussion a few years from now or is there a desire for change….
I guess the way I see it, SBM, it is exactly as you said it. some people have preferences and there' s nothing wrong with that….If he likes her because of xyz, that's cool if that's the only requirement, but for most men it's not as simple as skin color…at least that's been my experience. They're also looking at what can't be seen, the way a woman carries herself, and the unspeakable grace about her.
Danielle, good comment. Let me address, to be honest with you this discussion will end one day. Sooner or later we will all be brown. It's inevitable.
I'm high yella and I always hated it… I hate the term high yella by the way.
Anywho, I've heard things like, "she think she cute because she is light skin." "Hey Red." "I only date light skin girls." And none of them made me feel good about the color I was.
I have the light eyes and used to have the long hair which put me in a stereotypial category, subject to content. I'm not painting a "woe was me" picture here, I've learned to accept the fact that no matter what I do, I can't get darker… and "my black is beautiful, also.
But it really pisses me off when I hear comments from the people I love, like "Ashanti can't dance. She's so light skin.' "U know I don't normally get along with light skin girls." It's unnecessary.. and I feel like i the shoe was on the other foot, "replace all the above quotes with "dark skin," there would be hell to pay.
By the way, I think if there was a light skin song that mirrored the sentiments of India.Arie's "Dark Skin," there would be riot.. I love the song, I'm not hating on her appreciation for dark skin, I'm just making an example.
I always wanted to be a darker girl. I feel like if I was, I could openly appreciate my color more.
So in essence, no, lighter girls do not have more fun.
Your memership to Light Skin Nation is hereby suspended until further notice.
I'mma just go to the Spanish side then. J/k!!!!
Nicki did you catch my sublimnal shoutout?
Re: Your comment. So hard.. so hard so hard to be liiiight skin. pobrecita…
LOL @ Streetz
LMBO! I did catch that. I stank you very much for looking for my thoughts!
Go head then lips. smh. The Grand Magistrate wont like this..
Who the heck is that Streetz?
The US Light Skin Nation leader, lolol
U are a hot mess. lol.
"By the way, I think if there was a light skin song that mirrored the sentiments of India.Arie’s “Dark Skin,” there would be riot"
Well there are tons more songs where men proclaim their love for light skinned women, which leaves darker women out of the loop. When you see beauty ads and other things like that, they include mostly light skinned black women (even if it is an illusion due to lighting). There are very few songs that discuss dark/brown skin in connection to beauty. Mainstream media rarely shows dark skin in connection to beauty. Many black men will let you know in more ways than not that they prefer light skin. When you are dark skinned, there is so much around you telling you that you are not attractive and should not think that you are attractive, that a song like "brown skin" is so uplifting b/c it's one of the few times that people show appreciation for dark skin. So I have to disagree with you on that one.
First off the song the song is called BROWN SKIN and it is about loving your brown skin and from a white man's perspective we are ALL brown.
Where I live there are a lot of men who have a preference for light skin women. For the most part it really doesn't bother me because everyone has their peferences. Although I do want to throat punch a dude when he says somthing stupid to me like "I usually only date redbones, but something about you is so sexy "or "you know you're cute for brown skin girl".
The affinity for light-skinned women is pretty common, but there ain't nothing like a dark-skinned woman wearing all black…especially if it's black lingerie.
Then again, I might be a hypocrite, because the last five women I dated/messed around with were bi-racial (white/black), Mexican, light-skinned, light-skinned, brown-skinned.
I'm a dark skinned girl and never even thought about my skin color until middle school when a group of guys constantly picked on me because of my skin color (before this I was in a predominantly white enviornment). From that point not only was I aware of my skin color but I was self-conscious. From that point through high school, I always received negative comments about my skin color. Now that I've grown, ive learned to love my skin color. Now that I'm older, I've often gotten the, "you're pretty for a dark skinned girl or youre a pretty dark skinned girl," Lethe infamous "you look exotic, where are you from." I still don't understand why I can't be a pretty girl and have to be labeled as a pretty dark-skinned girl.
I think it's blatantly clear of what acceptable beauty is in America from watching videos, movies, tv, magazines, etc. I know I always notice when a dark skinned girl is in a video or walking down the cat walk, not because I have a color hang-up but because it's a rare event. People's preferencein light or dark doesn't bother me because i have a preference for dark skinned guys, but my issue is when people say that they will ONLY date a certain skin color. I believe people that make comments like that or have an obsession with certain skin tones have some serious problems and I wouldn't want to be with them anyway.
You're completely right about it being an obsession. The technical term is fetishism.
I would say:
complex – would have to be right after a preference when you give pluses or minuses based on that characteristic alone.
obsession – would have to be something that you are willing to allow to affect you personal, family, financial, or professional life in a negative way. if light skin vs. dark skin battles are a part of that. i'ont know about you.
fetishism – would have to be something taboo to fall into that category, so in that sense, not sure it applies here.
thanks for the breakdown
As a side note I don't think brown skin is the same a dark skin. As implied in an earlier comment. I dint think any of the women listed were even dark skinned. Maybe brown, but when i think dark I think Naomi Campbell.
What do you guys think about people who bleach their skin? I didn't know this was still a problem in our community until recently. My friend, who is from African descent put me on to symptoms of people who bleach?
I'm sure the two have different ingredients, but bleach on clothes is strong, so why would anyone want to "bleach" skin? They should be more scared of the side effects.
I didn't know that people still did those things. I think that's a bit extreme and anyone on that level is teetering on the edge of needing psycological help. Lol. How common is that though?
A lot homie. It's like Black people doing coke. You think ain't nobody doing that anymore… nah son… they doing it in many close circles that we know.
Aside: I'm following all ya'll on Twiiter now. I been following the top three and then just started following Dr J yesterday, which has now completed the
foursomesquare.Um, so I've asked this before and I'll ask it again. WHEN THE EFF ARE CARAMELS GONNA HAVE THEIR REVOLUTION?! Like, you always hear "dark skin is in!" then a few years later, "light skin is back in!", but us middle skin tones are just that…a middle child. We get tossed to the side. When do we get our props??
Ok, the above was sorta in jest. Sorta.
Honestly, since I'm in the middle I've never been the target of the hate spewed on both sides, though I've noticed some people are more liberal with who is considered light skinned.
Anyhow, I love my skin tone and love it even more when I get a tan in the summer. And I ENVY and COVET the smooth ebony skin of folks such as Alek Wek. Silky!
Caramels always been in!
.
how about I used to be hyped for that part on Wu Tang Ice Cream song. LOL
choose a side, nukkas. lol
I love that song!
"Wu Tang in the cut,
For real ninjas what
It's an after party
And B***es wanna ______"
@Streetz, mofo we don't have to choose a side. We the best…of both worlds. Rep!
Hmm…
Well I always read this blog, but never made a comment…. so here goes (lol)
I'm a light skin female. "Redbone" "Damn near White"… whatever… been called all the names since 1st grade… seriously.
I feel that while I have received many advantages, there are a number of disadvantages as well. For instance, although I went to predominately white schools K-12, there were still some blacks who always felt that they had to rain on my parade. I am now an undergrad at a southern HBCU… Somewhere I thought my color would be more accepted, but clearly there are some people who have been in the "bama South" way too long and are still suffering from the color complex.
What's really sad is that often times when I meet people at my school (like officially, not when I've seen them around campus, or vice versa) I've often heard "Oh, I thought you were so stuck up! I'm surprised at how down-to-earth you are".
And you thought I was stuck up… because?? It just amazes me that people look on the outside, and are so quick to judge…but I guess that's just the human race for you.
Its interesting, because while I think many light skin girls who have been in the same circumstances as me would wish to be darker, I think it's more like a few shades. I have yet to meet a light skin girl who wanted to be dark skin like Naomi Campbell… I think that the middle ground- "the caramels" – are probably the most "luckiest" in that they don't have to suffer from any negative connotations.
Just a thought.
Send pics let us decide. lol
i personally think that beauty is beauty regardless of your hue. if you look good dark skinned you will look look good light and vice versa.
with that said i am one of those dudes are more attracted to brown to dark skinned sisters. i've only dated one woman who was extremely light skinned (and had green eyes). it took a lot for me to step out of my comfort zone but since i don't really have a stigma i was able to do that.
i would never not date a woman or give not give them a chance based simply on the complexion of their skin. i would hate for a woman to not give me a chance because i have chocolate skin.
It does not matter…
Only thing I notice is that light skinned women get passes in areas dark skinned women don't, but I love my choclatey sistas with pretty skin. Hell, I love women of any hue (working on the white girl thing…I'm just not used to them in abundance like I am sistas) so tone and all that isn't really an issue. I'm a lighter skinned brotha and have no problems in that area either so…non-issue.
There is a difference btw a preference and a complex. You may prefer dark skinned women, but that does not mean you would completely exclude dating lighter skinned women b/c of that preference. However, with a complex you see that complexion as inferior and want to distance yourself from that as much as possible.
Where I am from there is definitely a preference for light skinned women. I even had an ex tell me that he had never seen a pretty dark skinned girl. I said “well, then what do you think of me b/c I’m dark?” and he replied “yeah, but you ain’t that dark and you have long hair.” So this is not something that dark skin women just make up in our minds. It’s real.
I mean it does cut both ways in a certain sense, but for the most part those preferences for lighter skin go deeper than just what people like. That’s why it’s a complex. Some people have bought into the idea that lighter equals better, whether consciously or subconsciously, bc it is closer to white. Some people go as far as not wanting dark skinned children.
Then you have the people who have fetishes for dark skin, and that’s not healthy either b/c it’s still based on stereotypes.
Story of my life…too dark to be white, too light to be 'black'…always viewed as some exotic mix. It's all over…In Guyana I've been called 'portuguese & dougla' 'cooley'(how they got this one, i o'nt know) 'red gyal' 'or 'that American gyal who make she eye pass me' (my daddy's from Kentucky)…here I am exotic, red bone, Ay Light skin!, high yella blah blah blah…sigh
I have 12 siblings (I'm the baby) and none of us are the same complexion, we didn't choose to be born the way we were. Stop thinking I'm saddity or stuck up b/c my skin may be lighter than yours..stop thinking b/c I'm multi-ethnic (or whatever) that I am an anomaly that I must be different, act different, talk different than another SISTA who's darker than me. It gets tiring and it's not fair.
After 30 years of not knowing which box to check, I'm tired of defining and defending who I am…sh*t! Can I just be Smiley Face?
I don't meet many Kentucky folks on the Internet.. born and raised there.
He's from Looo-ee-vul or Loo-vul, lol.
We’ve got a broad range of intelligent black folks here but I notice this annoying syndrome of perpetuating the light skin/dark skin discussion/chats on this and other blogs.
Ultimately when other races look at us we are BLACK. No light no dark just BLACK. Another topic that has been beaten to death is the Black Man/White Woman fascination. Sometimes I think we've come so far and yet are stuck in a never ending cycle. For the love of all things ….let’s just keep moving on!
BTW … I don't know if anyone noticed … but my twitter link was all jacked up (was going to streetz).
I fixed it though … http://twitter.com/singleblackmale
Im goin to have to co-sign a lot of whats already been posted as far the attitude towards Dark Skin Women. Also I often wonder why people think someone like Melyssa Ford is darkskin. Aint enough makeup or lighting in the WORLD to make a darkskin chik look that brown. I'm dark skinned and I've heard "Your cute for a dark skin girl" more times than I care to mention. My family is Guyanese and when i'm back home dudes will scream out "Pretty Darky" I take none of it as a compliment. Why can't I just be cute? SMH
I read the book the Color Complex couple years ago and it is REAL and it runs DEEP not just in the south and not just in the west indies. All over. CPT mentioned that lightskin chicks can get a pass where darkskin (REAL dark skin not the brownins in the middle) can't and its very true.
Now a days you can catch me on facebook quoting "My Black is Beautiful" regularly. I'm happy with my shade and I am out in the sun regularly so I usualy go a couple shades darker at least 3-4 times a year from traveling and it doesn't bother me. I can't over/inner/understand why people would bleach. No offense to the lighter skinned females but I don't think I'd like being light skin. But more power to ya by all means.
Lastly… The whole bleaching thing is beyond me it happens a lot in the west indies nuff reggae chunes "Dem a bleach Dem a bleach out dem skin Dem a bleach to look like a brownin" **starts doin the bogle and the butterfly**
"No offense to the lighter skinned females but I don’t think I’d like being light skin. But more power to ya by all means. "
Gee thanks…when I get my reward for being light skinned, I let you know..no offense.
Both my parents were born and raised in West Africa and yes, people do still bleach their skin where we're from. My mother has done it and still does to this day. My older sister does it now, although she has never been as dark as me and my two other siblings. I have seen aunts go from Naiomi Cambpell to Eva Longoria and I have seen those who from cheap and bad bleaching habits have done noticeable damage to their skin. This practice is not limited to black women only…its a hug business in China. Walking through the grocery stores in China I saw more bottles of bleaching cream than regular lotion! Its also a problem in India and the middle East.
All in all, I'm a pretty stubborn and defiant girl which is probably the reason I havent tried any bleaching creams and sometimes choose to stay in the sun a little longer than necessary, although you really can't hide from the sun in Florida.
Well, like Bourgie Bama (co-sign on her entire statement), I too hadn't noticed my skin color until middle school where I was called every name in the book by boys and girls! I am of the darker dark skin and I don't think I am ugly not by any means, but it has definitely made me self conscious. I have learned to love my skin and I even like to joke with many of my friends saying that I'm going outside to tan…they always give me the side eye, but I know that statement is making more of an unconscious impact with them than they realize.
In college I too have received the I only date caramel and Hispanic girls, but your pretty for a black girl statement.
I hear many light skinned women commenting on how people after meeting them like to call them down to earth, well as a dark kin woman I have experienced the same thing, but in the sense that people are surprised that I'm not some kind of angry [ghetto] black woman. I see their entire demeanor change and some have even said it outright, "Wow, your totally not what I expected."o.O…well what exactly did you expect ??
I'm not gonna lie, I feel I have to be on point where light skins girls can easily falter and slide by with because of their skin tone.
On a final note: The black men whom I have dated or have shown interest in me have been of the darker hue as well, so although I feel the majority have a preference for light skin and the odds aren't always stacked in my favor in the dating pool. There are plenty of men, black and otherwise, who have shown me love. So, no hard feelings, besides I only date tall men lol (I'm 5'9).
I can relate with you on the bleaching cream. Down here in the Caribbean they would be changing skin colours on you. I would be so surprised when I see someone who looks familiar but a couple shades lighter. Some are called vampires because they can't handle direct sunlight. Some have gone to using umbrellas in the day. As for me, I'm on the darker side, when I was younger I wanted to be white, but now I love the skin I'm in. The other day I was out on a boat and I spent most of the time in the sun, I even got a tan.
To be honest it is something we have to get over as a people. It creates a vicious cycle that can start as way back as kindergarten. The first school I attended was predominantly white kids and light skin kids and when I moved to a school that was mostly dark skin kids, I naturally gravitated to kids I was used to seeing. Unfortunately, those girls were most likely treated like crap before I came and the turned around and treated me like crap. That is not something a 5 year old has to deal with and that can mess with them for a while. I'm just saying.
Ummmmm…wow. Interesting topic. I'm brown. Like really brown. Like Fantasia brown. Or Kelly Rowland brown. Sum ppl call that 'brown-skinned', 'chocolate', 'dark-skinned'…whatever. I am pretty much on the opposite side of light and it has been a bit of an issue for me as I've grown up. I've gotten the negative comments, the 'I don't like dark skinned females', 'light skin is the right skin', 'u decent…but u would be BAD if u was a few shades lighter'…blah blah blah. But I've also had the guys who WORSHIP me for the color of my skin. Those are my favorite kinds of guys. When I find them, I always try to soak up as much of that good, positive, 'Your Black is Beautiful, baby' energy from them as I possibly can because who knows when the next Chocolate lover is gonna come around?
I will admit that the comments of guys (surprisingly from the darker skinned men!) that are so vile and negative about my skin color do get to me. Heavily. I don't think I'm pretty for a dark skinned girl…I think I'm a BEAUTIFUL woman and being dark skinned just brings it out more, but the hate, the skin tone racism and the off-putting comments ARE the reality. Unfortunately, women who look like me (I'm Bahamian, by the way, raised in the South) are not being looked at as special and beautiful. Men are gravitating towards the different and exotic.
One thing that men will do that tends to bother me is look at my lips, big almond eyes and really smooth brown skin and tell me i don't look 'regular black'…when I reveal that I'm from the Bahamas, its always 'See…I knew you looked too different to just be Black American!' WTF? So now, I just avoid the conversation completely. If I see a guy who I know to date 'exotic' or 'light-skinned' women, I steer clear of them completely. No need to put myself in the way for a flurry of negative ish. I let men approach me and their compliments always reveal how they feel about skin tone. Always. I date men who love and appreciate 'dark chocolate' women and don't feel they need 'light skinned, light eyed' children and whatnot. Call me sumone who plays it safe, but I'd rather be with someone who wholeheartedly loves women who look like me, then one who sees me as an 'exception' or a 'step outside the box', or worse an 'experiment'…miss me with that.
As a dark skinned sister, I think what irks me the most is that the standard of beauty being perpetuated throughout the black community is that you need to be a petite light skinned woman. Music/videos have influenced, embodied, and sometimes dictated what is considered attractive. You listen to the songs that's out today and they all call out for "caramel skin" and "red-boned". How many mainstream artists rap about wanting to be with a dark skin woman? very few. So it's understandable why we begin to feel that that is the preference.
But at the same time, we do the same thing to men- always talking about how we want a smooth chocolate brother. I mean we had Morris Chestnut and Taye Diggs (before they got played out) and now it's Idris Elba, Mekhi Pfeiffer (my future husband), and Omar Epps. So I guess both sides are guilty……
As a so called "light skinned" black, I find that fact that ones even asking this question, hilarious. Black darker skinned women have treated me like crap just because I was of a lighter shade. I had to remind them jokers that I use grease and a relaxer just like you sweetie and get called the n word too,I am not even that light. I am something between Jill Scott or Beyonce. Whites see us ALL as black when it all comes down to it. Why do they have the ignorant stereotypical terms like, "lightskinned", "high-yellow" "redbonned", "caramel"..etc ..It's all foolishness. Whites don't have it and they actually even have different skin tones. Sometimes I wish all black people were one complexion so everyone can shut the F@%! up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a brown/dark african lady, not only do I get the ever so annoying "you're pretty for a dark-skinned girl" but also "Wow, you're really pretty. You CAN'T be african!'" I've even had other African women argue with me and TELL me I wasn't African. Yes, although there are many more men that proclaim their adoration for a more fair completion, I've learned that its all in your attitude and confidence. Nobody wants an angry woman constantly singing "woe is me!", regardless of her shade. Even though I was once (and honestly can still be) self conscious because I'm of a deeper completion, I've learned to embrace myself and looove the skin I'm in!
Just like there is a need for black history month due to white america's ignorance and neglect of black american history in this country, it's important to have songs like "Brown Skin" and other songs celebrating shades that normally go ignored, because its nice to be reminded tat your beauty is appreciated. Everyone is going to have an experience from their childhood about being made fun of, regardless of their race & shade. Its what kids do! If you had a big head and skinny "chicken" legs, you were probably made fun for that too.
Btw, I find it a bit ironic that more non-black or mixed men express their appreciation for my beauty than black guys. But then again , I don't dress or am I shaped like a stereotypical black woman. (Think Jessica White looks with Zoe Kravitz meets Rihanna style)
Ok *sigh* I was gonna go in, but at the moment I'm on my phone so luckily I won't write the essay that I'd like to lol. I've read most of the posts & I agree w the majority, Lady_M and HMMM appealed to me the most bc like them, both my parents were also born & raised in W. Africa
Now 1 of the only differences between me & them is that I am lightskint. I consider myself black at any cost, but since white folk messed us up, we gotta place ourselves in categories & whanot. Now I know what you're thinking *gasp* 'A lightskinded African?? They exist??' Lol, that's the response I get all the time from folk & yes contrary to popular belief we do! Africans come in ALL COLORS OF THE SPECTRUM (blame the media for only seeing images of a certain sterotype of Africans). Now being African alone was enough for me to get scrutinized, hell that ish started when I was in daycare! So I didn't get a pass for being lightskinned then, but I got a lot of surprised reactions from children as well as adults (again blame the media).
Anyways, as I got older I definitely noticed how people reacted to me as opposed to my darker skinned counterparts & friends. Even when I went to African (Senegal, where the majority of the natives are really dark, not that browness you call dark, but Alek Wek dark) I was told that I was beautiful & light & I looked better than most other girls (who were predominantly darker. Yes in AFRICA!!!) They said BEAUTIFUL & LIGHT as if that was a boost. Sometimes I felt like they only said "beautiful" only REALLY meaning "light". Most times I felt like that was the only reason I was being hit on so much (well that & me being from America & all), but I was only 14 back then lol!!
Hearing all this mess EVER sat well w me! And I always understood when my darker friends would become angry…I was always told that I was a lightskinned girl w a dark skinned girl's personality b/c I always spoke out against ppl that had some negative crap to say about dark skinned people. If a guy ever approached me & had something to say about me being beautiful & lightskin I cut em off immediately b/c it bothers me. I never actually understand what complexion has to do with how attractive a person is & this is me being honest. I've dated guys that were light, dark, Puerto Rican & brown & complexion has never been a trait that I've ever considered. Doesn't matter to me.
Honestly I can go on and on with stories, but I say all this to say, PEOPLE: African, African-American, Arab, Hispanics, Indians, PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! In the words of Bob Marley: You MUST emancipate yourselves from MENTAL SLAVERY!! THINK ABOUT IT! OVER & OUT!! (Sorry it's so long, got more to say, but I thought I'd spare you all
)
Ok *sigh* I was gonna go in, but at the moment I'm on my phone so luckily I won't write the essay that I'd like to lol. I've read most of the posts & I agree w the majority, Lady_M and HMMM appealed to me the most bc like them, both my parents were also born & raised in W. Africa
Now 1 of the only differences between me & them is that I am lightskint. I consider myself black at any cost, but since white folk messed us up, we gotta place ourselves in categories & whanot. Now I know what you're thinking *gasp* 'A lightskinded African?? They exist??' Lol, that's the response I get all the time from folk & yes contrary to popular belief we do! Africans come in ALL COLORS OF THE SPECTRUM (blame the media for only seeing images of a certain sterotype of Africans). Now being African alone was enough for me to get scrutinized, hell that ish started when I was in daycare! So I didn't get a pass for being lightskinned then, but I got a lot of surprised reactions from children as well as adults (again blame the media).
Anyways, as I got older I definitely noticed how people reacted to me as opposed to my darker skinned counterparts & friends. Even when I went to African (Senegal, where the majority of the natives are really dark, not that browness you call dark, but Alek Wek dark) I was told that I was beautiful & light & I looked better than most other girls (who were predominantly darker. Yes in AFRICA!!!) They said BEAUTIFUL & LIGHT as if that was a boost. Sometimes I felt like they only said "beautiful" only REALLY meaning "light". Most times I felt like that was the only reason I was being hit on so much (well that & me being from America & all), but I was only 14 back then lol!!
Hearing all this mess NEVER sat well w me! And I always understood when my darker friends would become angry…I was always told that I was a lightskinned girl w a dark skinned girl's personality b/c I always spoke out against ppl that had some negative crap to say about dark skinned people. If a guy ever approached me & had something to say about me being beautiful & lightskin I cut em off immediately b/c it bothers me. I never actually understand what complexion has to do with how attractive a person is & this is me being honest. I've dated guys that were light, dark, Puerto Rican & brown & complexion has never been a trait that I've ever considered. Doesn't matter to me.
Honestly I can go on and on with stories, but I say all this to say, PEOPLE: African, African-American, Arab, Hispanics, Indians, PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! In the words of Bob Marley: You MUST emancipate yourselves from MENTAL SLAVERY!! THINK ABOUT IT! OVER & OUT!! (Sorry it's so long, got more to say, but I thought I'd spare you all
)
when i think of dark, i think of Nia Long, gabrielle union, Stacey dash, Chili. when i think of light, i think of Halle berry, beyonce, meaghan good, mellissa ford, etc. thats my shade breakdown.
On another note, I do have a preference between light and dark. Even though, most of my girls have been light skin or Latina, dark skin like chili and Nia Long are my favorite. but where are they? i feel like i see more prettier light skin girls than dark skin girls. just my opinion.
To HarlemsOwn: If Nia Long is dark skinned, then what is her sister Simone? What color is Monique or Foxy Brown? I'm dark and have always been told that I'm a beautiful or pretty darkskinned girl. People look at me with astonishment the first time they see me. It's ridiculous. I've been asked if I'm mixed, told that I'm exotic, asked what am I, etc… Every guy I've dated has told me I'm the first darkskinned girl they've ever dated. If I wasn't seen as really beautiful and didn't have long "good" hair, I don't know if I'd ever have had a date, well at least with darkskinned guys. ("Good" hair is a whole other topic to discuss. Can't stand the term.) My five month old daughter is light and her father is dark like me. I prayed that she would be light because I didn't want her to go through life being made fun of like I've been. My color is about the shade of the famous tennis sisters. I noticed that I get more flack from dark bruhs than light ones. Darkskinned men are usually not interested in me. I think many of them suffer from self-hatred and see light skin as being better. Many lightskinned men want dark women due to self-hatred too. Both of these groups tend to want kids of a different complexion from themselves and seek women who can bear children a different shade than the father. I know many darkskinned men are disappointed when their light beauty bears a child who is as dark as they are. So sad… Maybe our "intra-mixing" is the natural way our race ensures the different skin tones continue. I hope Solidad covers the color issue within our race on her Being Black In America special. Then the whole world can know how ignorant we are as as people in that area. Dave Chappelle should have done a skit on it. That Willie Lynch letter worked! Read about it.
Beautiful makes a good point.
lol light is right…imma dominican cat …im lighter not red or yellow..but defintley pass the "'paperbag" test.
Usually I cant date a girl thats anything darker than lightbrown for long.Like the darkest I go,relationship wise,is something like a Superhead or a Halle Berry.And both of them a re a shade or too darker then me,
Either I bump into a latina or a high yellow chic and move on.But Ive rarley stayed with anybody much darker than me for more than a couple months.Most of my women are white/practically white latinas and the black ones have been mostly yellow and red and very light brown,lots of mixed black chics as well.
I'll admit I do have a sexual fetish darkskinned women with big booties…I think they are better in bed and something sexy about a thick darkskinned chic ..But i never seem to date them for long,
When I was younger I was flat out embarassed to be seen with a chic that was even a little darker than me unless she was pretty.Ive grown out of that I keep an open mind but history has shown me white latinas are my destination.
Obviously being dominican I think I am more honest about my preferences and my black freinds pretty much admit the same but feel like they're doing something wrong…
You are doing something wrong! It is people like you that perpetuate the stereotypes I mean really so you only like to fuck big booty darkskinned women and the rest of that racist shit you said was blah blah blah. You obviously suffer from a deep level of self loathing and self hate which I have studied is common with Dominican men. You are probably short, skinny with a tiny penis. Preference yeah a bunch of honest racist bullshyt. Punk ass
Hmm, interesting topic, I've learned a few things today…
I'm around the shade of a Hershey's bar, so whatever I am on your spectrum, that's what it is. I've gotten the "you're fine, but if you were lighter, ohhh boy" and other such comments, which pissed me off at the time but more so because they came from idiots I was dating, way late in the game than from someone who was upfront and honest from the beginning about how they felt. I've also found that I'm good at attracting African guys and always wondered if that was a skin tone thing or just me.
I don't think there was ever a time that I wished to be another shade because I didn't like mine; I did however grow up in a predominately White area and just thought the White girls were cool because they could go outside with wet hair or didn't have to sleep with scarves on and I was different, but I had friends and got along with people so I saw us as no different after a while. After my reverse culture shock of moving to Atlanta and around a lot more Black people, I noticed the preferences and prejudgments were worse among us. Its not that the White kids didn't have preferences, but if a guy didn't want to be around me back then I understood and really didn't care; I got enough closet-racist comments at home to know what could be coming from the other side. When I got around my own people and realized I had to be a certain shade I thought it was ridiculous. Now maybe its the way I carried myself, but I came across the same issue as Chass…I got the "oh, I thought you were stuck up" deal until people actually talked to me, which was always weird. Who knows, maybe its because I never cared about being popular, wearing the newest fashions or anything really superficial…I only cared about being me. I also hung out with a bunch of different toned women in college and, yeah we made our little light skin and dark skin jokes with each other, but I realized something very important during that time. The more time I spent looking at my friends and their tones or beauty or whatever it was about them that made guys gravitate towards them, the less time I had to have fun and be myself and have guys gravitate towards me. So, moral of that was, be yourself. Be happy with yourself. The greater you feel about you, the greater others will feel about you. I'm not saying parade around on the "I'm the isht" train, but know the hand you've been dealt and play it wisely. So, do light skinned girls have more fun? I'd wager that they have no more fun than anyone else who is happy being themselves.
In the end, I don't really care what your preference, complex, or even prejudice is…what I don't understand is why you have to take it out on me. If you don't want me you don't want me…I honestly don't care to know why or why you're making an exception ("I usually don't date dark girls, but you're cute") because no matter who you are, I am going to be me.
@GHarlemsOwn: Your preference doesn't surprise me.Most black men like you are still slaves.
@Julito: Being dominican, this was practically expected. Most Dominicans hate black people/dark skin and y'all have SERIOUS self-hate issues.
Oh my GOD is all I can say you black people sit up here, and talk color shades. You people are a bunch of low lives. I'm a dark skin woman who has four degrees. I have biraccial children and we are all black not have breeds dogs or whatever. You ignorant people are exploiting your selves by saying superhead is this color somebody else is another who cares. Why don't you talk about positive BLACK PEOPLE WHO ARE SUCCESSFULL.. That is why other cultures hate us because of people like you exploit my proud AFRICAN AMERICAN CULTURE.. People like you make me shame by posting such garbage. I have never felt my skin complexion ever stopped my success ever. I don't need anyone to validate my skin tone. I can 't believe you care who is on those videos, because they are being exploiting anyway light or dark. And if dark skin girls are not on the videos good cause maybe they are being educated.
Just for your inforamtion I have three degrees and dark proud. NOW WHAT. My kids are all biracail and educated. Stop being Dumb.
Learn what black pride really is……………………………………………
wow, 3 degrees and horrible grammar!
Light skin/dark skin/ effing everything in between skin who the eff cares. Everybody bleeds RED and wants more GREEN.
am i posted
I don't have color issues but its actually been the lighter skinned people who were beligerent towards me in my life. I am undeniably black and gorgeous with it. My genetic pool is very rich. My people have smooth dark skin, long thick black hair, thick eyebrows, long eyelashes, slanted eyes, juicy lips, juicy behinds and nicely toned bodies. The white women and women in general go ga ga over my male relatives. As for me, I never got any complaints.
However, I noticed several obvious examples of being in the presence of lighter skin women, they felt the need to question my origin, stare too hard, remind me of my color, remind me of how many men they can get or sleep with. Try to convince me I'm wearing a weave. Telling me my eyes can't be naturall hazel brown without contacts.And simply wasting too much time competing for nothing.
If its about men, at the end of the day he just want a warm oven to lay his meat in. It don't really matter if you raw , glazed or well done.
Furthermore UG MUGS come in all colors
P.S. Most of our white brothers and sisters embrace our blackness more than we do.
Oh yeah, I 'm dark and my sexy meter is between Lauren Hill and Sheryl Lee Ralph
I LOVE big(real)hair,big(again,REAL,ladies!!!!),leggy,VERY dark-skinned black
Lady Blossom sort of gals who are,rather than R&B/soul,jazz,blues,gospel and (c)rap fans,
are into Country music,dancing,rodeo and lassoing a black cowboy with their voluptuous
figures(their bra,34D-44D!!!!)
stupid im brown and prettier and look better than a lot of light skinned yea she can be light but ugly and she can be dark and look better get it right and i think dark skinned man are sexier than light and not that if u are light skinned you dont count as black you count as white were talking about black people not white
Ok I'm sooo late, but had to comment. I wrote a blog about this same topic as I'm sure many brown skinned ( i prefer this term because even dark has a negative ring to it because of the history of this country) women have. We've all gotten the "Wow, I'm suprised you're really pretty and…gasp brown!" It's so old and played out…I've personally always loved my skin color because of my father, who always told me he wanted to marry a woman my mothers color so his kids would be brown, never let me play with white barbies, changed his last name to an ethiopian last name so we wouldn't have slave names, you get the drift, my dad is beyond pro black. So first of all, it starts at home. I know this is cliche, but as long as we keep passing these skin color hangups onto our kids, the problem will persist. Now this will not solve all our internal black skin color problems but it will be a start. I have to add that I'm from LA, the video chick capitol of the world, all my friends are good looking and if you're not good looking, being raised here can be a challenge. Now add the light skinned vs. brown skin war to this)
I also have to add that us black women need to stop feeding into this. You can't be mad that a man has a preference and/or doesnt want you and there will always be the ignorant lil' wayne type man around. I can't stand when women judge each other based off their skin tone! Both shades are guilty of it which creates distrust between us and cliques of light skinned women vs brown skinned women. It has to stop, Can't we all just get along!? It's also funny how this argument is just like the arguments for/against affirmative action. Light skinned women think they dont have priveleges and "reverse racism" is being used against them, and brown skinned women think they need affirmative action (i.e. India Arie's song) just to compete.
In summary, if a man doesn't want you because of something you can't change (skin color, height, breast size, butt size) he doesnt deserve you and you should consider yourself lucky for not dating someone that would just make you feel insecure. Trust, he will end up going after someone for shallow reasons and he'll have to deal with his karma – having a shallow woman/shallow relationship. (NBA players anyone?) The relationship will not work because the foundation isnt pure and honest. Have self confidence ladies, we are all beautiful, no matter what skin tone. And most importantly, don't pass your complexes along to your kids!
WHAT????
Some of my best friends are dark skinned…LOL…joking.
I really don't think that it matters. Are we defining how much "fun" a woman's life is by the number of ignorant dudes that roll up on her and say "hey redbone!!" ??
What's the point…I mean, I have a friend who I don't think is cute in the face at ALL, but apparently somebody thinks her face is either attractive or irrelevant, because she's boo'd up. I could say, "it's because she is blonde", or "it's because she has a nice shape," but it all comes down to the fact that she's having alot of fun, with a man who thinks she is fine.
I am light-skinned, and I enjoy gettin' my "brown" on in the summer time (or, more preferably in the Caribbean) and I look great either way. I am also intelligent, have a good job, and have a really great group of friends…that's why I'm happy, and that's why life is great.
I will say, however, that life IS probably more fun for me than it is for any person, light skinned or dark skinned who says "life is more fun if you're (insert group here)"….for the same reason that I'm probably more attractive than some chick who sits around worried about how attractive others are (like…"oh she looks better than me…" or "oh, I wish I looked like her"). The reason is this…if you are more worried about what others have all of the time than you are with just gettin' happy/successful/fulfilled yourself…you are not going to have fun in life…get it together.
On a psychic level, her last paragraph pretty much sums up where I am after 24 years of being caramel skinned (ie, Nia Long in the winter, and then a sorta VERY dark sepia tone in the summer). So I can say I am far from mixed race looking (although people do ask if I'm half white when they learn I'm half Nigerian..because apparently Africans are all one monolithic shade of chocolate)…anyway, I am fully aware that my skin just gets me by in a lot of situations, like jobs and casting. I am an actress, and in fact, if I was lighter I'd be too racially ambiguous for a lot of stuff. These whiteys want a solid unmistakeable brown, yet one they can still lighten up with a spotlight when they want to pretend black people are figments of the mind.
But I digress. The point is for women's sanity WE HAVE TO LET COLOR STRUCK MEN GO! I learned this early…when I started wearing my twists in high school…and only started attracting brothas who listened to Talib Kweli, dabbled in Rastafarianism, hung around coffee shop…. This eventually extended to black men with higher education….(some not all, are beyond this trash)…
But you just cannot be with someone who does not think you're fabulous and why would you want to? Men who think light skin is more attractive, even mine, are so disgusting to me it;s become a non-issue. How can I feel rejected from something I would never want?
So yeah…it;s taken ten years, (age 14 – present) to get her, but somehow the desire to be desired by everybody just faded. Now you have to show me some love to get some love.
the advantages of being light skinned are not up for debate- better service for, attitudes toward, and opportunities (i.e. front desk/client interaction jobs) have been empirically documented. lighter-skinned blacks do receive advantages in larger (i.e. White American) society.
in the black community/dating world, i think overall, light skinned women are advantaged. but on a smaller scale, it depends on what part of the country you're in. west coast, i think pretty faces and weight/body trump skin color. east coast, weight/bougieness trumps skin color. in the south, skin color reigns supreme, followed by pretty face, hair, and body.
for white men, i'm not sure what their preferences are all about. you would think they'd want someone "exotic" an as far away from their women's looks that they'd go for dark skin. however, i'm very light skinned and frequently approached by white men. i always attributed this to the general obsession that all races of men seem to have with "creole" women. (I use quotes because i don't consider "creole" a legitimate culture. but that's another discussion for another day.) in new orleans' redlight district, white prostitutes passed for "creole" and light skinned black women so they could charge their white customers more- white men paid more for black prostitutes that looked like white women- i don't get it. anyway… now, i'm starting to think that the "exotic" for white men is usually about body type. they want the curves and t&a that white women lack.
on dark skinned women hating: the "you think you're cute" things don't bother me. they're met with a prompt, "no – you obviously think i'm cute and i look better than you. i agree and you just embarrassed yourself. stop it. please and thank you." my comfort with that is probably 2 fold: 1. i grew up in rough neighborhoods whipping ass, so i'm comfortable knowing that i can physically defend myself and if we're talking about stereotypical "black experiences," i win that black card. 2. i went to predominantly white schools where all the black girls were rich. i spent most of my time in those schools where no one could never question me about my blackness because they came from money and will always have advantages that i had to work for. money definitely trumps skin color. by the time i was in an environment where my blackness could be questioned, my personality and self-identity were already formed and couldn't really be rocked.
in conclusion, there is some evidence that every ethnicity of women is looking to reach a tan/caramel complected skin tone (white women tanning, black women wanting to lighten, etc.). so while there are deeper issues in the black community, the caramel skin tone seems to be desired throughout racial/ethnic communities.
in my forreal conclusion, everybody on some "woe is me" trip, your insecurities are showing. tuck them back in because i'm embarrassed for you. stop it. please and thank you.
I'm a bit late with reading and responding but what the hell. Well where I'm from we call this type of ignorance the "Willie Lynch" syndrome.
Are there some privileges offered to light complected women over darker ladies, judging from the responses I hear from darker women, there is. As a black women I've felt the constant pressures of living up to european ideal of beauty, however, as a light skinned woman I've felt similiar pressures from the black community to conform to their standards of "keeping it real"…. The hostility I've received from some black woman I've learned to not take to heart, but I do believe there are many light skin girls who do become bitter and eventually buy into the color wars. I personally don't feel as though I'm lucky to be considered one of the "lucky ones" who range closer to fair on the color spectrum, which in turn relates to, closer to white… Regardless, I'm still a black woman , and the claim that just because my tone is less intimidating for some people, iseven more insulting. It presents the idea that the closer to white you are the higher your quality. Any other ethnic group with european features are granted more access, this include indian women (eastern) who have the same skin tone issues. When people view me as pretty I don't want it to be because I'm light, but for my total composition. What makes me unique, not some bs criteria.
Wow! I guess this topic will never die as long as Black people keep downing other Black people. I must admit that the reality has proven time and time again that there are many instances where lighter-skinned sistas are perceived as being better and prettier even if they aren't really prettier than a chocoloate or dark chocolate sista. I've bee to many events that service the Black middle-ipper middle- upper class and a majority of the men go stright to the light sistas while many browner sistas are left alone without attention. So yeah, I still see that there is a preference for light skinned Black women. I don't think that they have more fun. Life is hard enough for any black woman!
I am biracial. Growing up, I always wanted to be darker. I have always thought that women of chocolate complexion were gorgeous. I also find myself bored with Vanessa William's and Alicia Key's features. I like exotic, you know? (I'm bisexual.) Give me an ethnic feature here and there, please. Hell, I even find Ethopian supermodel Liya Kebede dull.
I feel very uncomfortable when people say they want my skin or they want my hair. They say it in ways where you know it is just a rant but they try to pass it as a compliment.
I guess you will find me in tanning beds with my white friends.
That's real talk.
HERE'S SOMETHING I want to point out:
Would it kill Diddy to hire an real black girl in his Sean Jean cologne commercials?
“ I can't even find the words to fully express how great this business group is……. being a part of this group has really changd my love life my money and my perceptions of what is truly possible in LOVE and LUXURY!!!!! ”
Light skinned girls have more fun in the minds of narrow minded color-struck folk. I am light skinned and have long hair so I get loads of compliments but I'm single..so go figure.
As a chocolate black woman I have to agree. I have no problem with light skin women and have never made remarks towards them. It's not their fault "some" black men or society has perpetuated this stigma on us as a community. I find it funny it's always the darkest of black men saying how they don't find dark skin or chocolate women attractive but brag and remind everyone how every race of woman wants a tall dark chocolate mandingo brother. it's really type funny if you ask me.
But black women are no different we alienate light skin men now-a-days by putting them down because they light skin. Saying how feminine they look to us or how they're too pretty how do you think that makes them feel? Their light skin female counterparts are receiving the positive comments about their skin tone white they're receiving the negative comments. Same thing goes or dark skin black women and dark skin black men.
My brother's friends will have this things where they analyze girls before they go talk to them. My brother says he always catches his friends saying "Hell no she too damn black".
I don't understand how this happen but I have to agree that the reason this issue won't doe is because we keep it alive. There were many banners that had the dark vs light skin theme going on. Puff Daddy, Yung Berg these rappers etc. It's a terrible stigma because throughout history darkness or dark skin has been labeled as masculine, powerful, strong and intimidating everything associated with black men who are dark skin and they receive the long end of the stick because of that. And because dark skin is associated with those things that's why when it comes to beauty having dark skin becomes detrimental sometimes for dark skin black women. Same thing for light skin men, light skin= pretty, feminine so sometimes being light skin is detrimental to them.
And it's really terrible that when insulting someone black people associate ugly, fat(no disrespect to my plus size brothas and sistas), short nappy hair and on welfare with being dark skin. In reality sure history show whites help ignite this issue but so far or past decades or so we've been keeping this burden afloat.
Men don't have to endure this stigma it's moreso a woman issue since there's been a certain label of beauty all women have to adhere to which is Euro. Men don't have to put up with this because all men are appreciated all shades, types and sizes, also the darker the better according to many. And it irks me seeing black people wanting those who are affected by this to shut up about it, They say that because they either harbor some guilt about it, contributed to it, or is on the positive end of the situation that would be dark skin men and light skin women. I know we all want this topic to die but it want because there's always something involved with it to keep it a float that means it's not a hype r a myth IT'S REAL. And sweeping it under the rug won't make it go away.
Finally someone speaks the truth!
I'm ashamed of Kanye–he's supposed to be a man of religion and the one thing most light/dark skinned girls growing up hearing about is the love of God. If Kanye were serious about his devotion to god then he'd know God's devotion to everyone. I'm not talking about him having to "love" as in physical attraction, I'm talking about him at the very least respecting sisters of all colors and not call them "dogs".
Like 98% of so-called "religious" people,Kanye's full of s**t,plus rap's retarded ANYWAY,SO WHO GIVES A CRAP????And one more thing:buxom blondes rule!!!!
My girl friend swears that she gets better treatment from white people, because of color. I different that. I believe my girl friend has a great personality and she can interact with any race regardless. But, because she doesn't see her great personality and only sees color, I think sometimes ignorance plays a big part on how we see things.
i'm a brother andnephew 1ST cousin of lghtskinned WOMEN THANKS 4 THE ARTICLE!
I must tell the truth. I am super attracted to biracial and light skinned girls. I just am. I've seen biracial girls whose parents are just OK come out hot.
I think the first step is to be honest with oneself. I don't know why I most attracted to them but I am. I don't believe it is self hate or anything like that. I don't think it is from videos.
I sort of feel like most black guys do find them as attractive as I do but just lie. It is all fake. I don't know how it works but if they are going to try to change it, figure out how that programming works at a younger age.
It's sort of annoying because there are white guys who can have a thing for blonds or brunettes and nobody bother them. There are guys who like big breasts. Nobody says they have inner hate because they don't prefer breasts as flat as their own. I wish there were more guys that did have a thing for darker girls as they pretend and in that way it would be fair and balanced and nobody would care what you like.
Trudat wrote:
"I’ve seen biracial girls whose parents are just OK come out hot."
ROFLMAO.
Trudat–ALWAYS look at the mother if you want to know what your biracial "hottie" will look like in 20 years. I GUARANTEE-if Momma's only "OK" your hottie will be that, or LESS. Youth (and a good plastic surgeon) can hide a multitude of bad genes.
Even Halle is doomed to look like her mother (eventually.)
Funny. I have a friend that said to me "I bet you like those light skinned, long hair and big breasts girls."
Wow…that is an awesome combo. What was I supposed to say "No I actually prefer only dark, short hair, flat chested women."
Then you have the women that try to make you feel guilty that you are attracted to long hair. I think these are their insecurities they pass on to you. I had a friend that tried to say long hair was white brainwashing. I pointed out to her that all the other women also have long hair and the Muslims even cover it up so you don't accidentally get turned on. You ave Oriental, East Indian, Native American, Latina, Arab, and Caucasian…all women with long hair. So if a guy likes long hair, let's come up with some elaborate brainwashing scheme why these women are all really ugly but we've been brainwashed to like it.
I'll say one more thing. I don't think sexual preferences always translate to "racism" as I saw in one post. If this were the case, it would affect who you choose to be friends with, been seen with etc. Even though I am attracted most to biracial/light skinned girls, this does not pass on to my friendship with men or women.
I don't think it is all self hate. For example, you see white guys that are into blonds. It doesn't mean all his friends will be blonds. He doesn't care.
On an individual level, I see nothing wrong with individual preferences but I can see how it can be unhealthy for society…mathematically. The reason why white people don't care that some guys like blonds is because there are a bunch of guys who like brunettes. We just need these guys who keep saying that their favorite is darker women whenever the topic comes up to actually choose dark. That will balance things out.
I cringe when I hear a woman say that a man has told her that she is "pretty for a dark skinned girl." I can't believe men are still saying this in 2010!!! It's like Mississippi in 1932 or something Haven't we evolved any more than this? I HATE THIS. It's just so… backwards and cruel.
MEN, STOP saying this. Beauty is BEAUTY–no matter what color PERIOD.
On the other hand, I hate having to always bend over backwards to prove that I'm not a snobby, light skinned B, specially with women. I can see it coming from a mile away. It gets tiresome. When you are very light and have keen features, some black people are so suspicious of you they won't even look you in the eye–especially if you don't speak in an African American dialect.
White women hate you too, cuz they know that you're the one the brotha's can take home to Momma without causing too much drama. And DON'T have hair longer than theirs…
There are so many comments and so little room to express but here goes. Why don't Black people just stop talking about this stupid issue? The other racial groups are not going on about this. The truth is that I believe that these subjects are brought up so that someone can say how light they are and boast about the texture of their hair. Then some of the darker people don't like the image they see in the mirror and then begin to rag on some of a lighter complexion. Are we serious here? It's just skin color and God has had His reasons for everything. I know how I look: quite nice. It has nothing to do with anything but that I look good. A few extra compliments along the way, fine. But I just have never paid too much attention to skin complexion. I went through the Civil Rights movement and it completed what my parents had already taught me: Pride. There will always be different complexions. Don't let it hang you up. Peace.
ALMOST an oddity???If you're a black Detroit woman who weighs less than 300 lb. and isn't b***hy,you're so
rare,you should almost be in the Smithsonian Institution!!!
I recently visited DETROIT for 5 days..I think I may have seen 3 women who weren't fat the whole 2 days I was in detroit.
3 out of about 130
I think they have it easier when it comes to self-esteem. Constantly getting shout-outs just for their skin color. Seeing people that look like them in all the popular music videos.
I'm milk-chocolate-skinned and I love my skin. I've never wanted to be light-skinned but I do wish that guys would start to give shout-outs to chocolate girls too. It's all redbone, yella-bone in the music and that's bad for self-esteem.
But anyway a lot of guys like me and compliment me anyway. I just wish I wouldn't hear "i like 'em long hair thick red-bone" or "im lookin 4 a redbone" in sooooo many songs or hear about how yung berg doesn't like "dark-butts".
That just makes me hungry for any guy but a black guy. Think I might go with Italian or Puerto-Rican guys.
Other than that, I'm in love with my skin. I love being called "chocolate" and I love my gold undertones. I really wouldn't want to be light-skinned. I think brown skin is pretty.
.
There is No Such Thing as a
"Light Skinned Black" person!
The term "Light Skinned Black" is nothing
more that a racist oxymoron coined by
White racial supremacists who tried to
forcibly deny 'Mixed-Race' people who are
of a Multi-Generational Multiracially-Mixed
(MGM-Mixed) Lineage the right to embrace
and openly acknowledge their full-ancestry.
Again, so-called "Light Skinned Blacks"
are simply 'Mixed-Race' people who are
from families that BOTH BECAME AND
CONTINUALLY-REMAINED Mixed-Race
THROUGHOUT their multiple generations.
This is NOT stating or implying that
having a LIGHT-Complexioned
SKIN tone IS THE 'ONLY'
(OR even a 'REQUIRED')
PROOF of a person being
OF MIXED-RACE LINEAGE.
It 's simply stating that the person's
Light-complexioned skin coloring and
tone is simply an Undeniable physical
Proof Of the Fact that their family's
Ancestral Lineage has been
'Continually' racially Admixed
'Throughout' the Generations
(from the very first occurrence of "racial"
admixing to their present generation
– ex. Griffe marries Metis, etc.).
THE KEY to being MGM-Mixed*
IS LINEAGE-CONTINUITY!
In order to be MGM-Mixed*/Mixed-Race,
a person's ancestry MUST have BOTH
BECOME & REMAINED (at least 25%)
racially-admixed THROUGHOUT all of
their family generations — from the
very first occurrence of admixture
until their present generation!
Simply having 1 or 2 "ancient-ancestors” who are
said to have been of some “other race” and that
are allegedly found "somewhere-down-the-line"
(ex. a great-grand whatever of another "race")
– DOES NOT — make anyone MGM-Mixed
(or else nearly everyone found on the planet
could (falsely) claim to be MGM-Mixed)!
Being MGM-Mixed REQUIRES that
one has "CONTINUITY-of-Admixture"
(*Multi-Generational Multiracially-Mixed)
THE racist 'ONE-DROP RULE' (ODR) WAS BANNED
IN THE United States (U.S.) way back in 1967 by the
U.S. Supreme Court (via the 'Loving vs. VA' case).
That decision struck down the 'VA Racial Integrity Act'
(VRIA) & every 'Anti-Miscegenation Law' (AML) in the
U.S. — AS WELL AS the racist, 'One-Drop Rule' (ODR)
on which both the VRIA & the AMLs were based!
There's been NO 'ONE-DROP RULE'
(ODR) in the U.S. SINCE 1967!
Thus, there is NO SUCH THING as a
"Light-Skinned Black" person (these people
are Mixed-Race from families that have been
racially-admixed throughout many generations).
For more information on this topic,
please feel to contact me via email
and / or to visit the websites below.
— APGifts, Founder / Moderator
(Generation-Mixed; MGM-Mixed
and FGM-Mixed 'Yahoo!Groups')
EMAIL:
APGifts email address
soaptalk@hotmail.com
WEBSITES:
Mixed-Race Discussion GROUPS / FORUMS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MGM-Mixed
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FGM-Mixed
APGifts YOUTUBE Channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/apgifts
RELATED LINKS:
The 'Light-Skinned Black' MYTH
http://www.ourfilmspace.com/forum/topics/2045657:…
The 'Light-House / Dark-Field Slave Hierarchy' MYTH
http://www.ourfilmspace.com/forum/topics/2045657:…
The Colorism-Based Features Tests / Societies MYTH
http://boards.mulatto.org/post/show_single_post?p…
.
Tell 'em!
I'm a brown skin woman, and I personally never heard a man tell me that he doesn't date dark women but I have been told that I look exotic, and have been asked what am I mixed with, where am I from, etc. It's not offensive because we all have mixed ancestry. I doubt very few people are "pure" African. We all have some white or Indian in us, no matter how long ago it's from, certain non-African features will show up on us. On me, it's my big almond eyes which I'm told look European, and always complimented on, especially by white people (men and women). I'm always approached by white men, so Dr. J thinking that white men are more attracted to lighter skin black women is incorrect. They want someone as far away from white in complexion. The darker the woman, the more appealing to them. They also feel this way about white women, white men love tanned white women and actually dislike the pale ones. Darker women age better, which is a fact. So of course men want a woman that will age gracefully, black men are way too ignorant to consider this though. They're too busy wishing that they were a white man and feeling inferior to white men, so they pass their inferiority complex on to black women by alienating us just for having dark skin like theirs.
By the way, I doubt light skin girls have more fun. That sounds stupid, Dr. J apparently thinks that there aren't any flat out ugly and out of shape light skin women. If they're in a room and I enter – I doubt they'll have any fun. Anywhere I go, I'm stared at and men (of all races) are constantly approaching me. Even light skin women that are attractive and in shape are intimidated by me. I don't understand why some people don't understand that a pretty woman is a pretty woman. Skin color has nothing to do with facial features, either your facial features are unattractive or attractive – that's what determines your beauty. Not your skin color, and not your hair length or color.
To the most ignorant commenter, TruDat: you are 100% ignorant. Muslim women don't cover their hair because "men will get turned on". What man gets turned on from HAIR? What can hair do sexually?? Nothing. So that makes no sense at all. Pick up a book and find out why these women cover their heads. Enlighten yourself.
Hey Dyana:
Thanks for your comments. I've been reading and though i'd like to respond, I can't find where I said any of the things you claim I said or "apparently think". I would implore you to not infer negativity from my post when it's not explicitly stated. The points I made were clear. If you need clairification, just ask, i'm more than willing to take questions.
Thanks.
Dr. J
Lol ok you're right, I got it mixed up, you didn't leave the comment that said white men only like light skin black women. My reason for stating that you [apparently] don't think there are unattractive light skin women is based on you even wondering if all light skin women have "fun". I'm positive that light skin women with ugly faces are not having more fun. PRETTY women have more fun, and they come in ALL colors *gasp* yes, there are black women that look like dark skin models Jessica White, Vilayna Lasalle and Lanisha Cole you know. And they most likely have more fun than any light skin woman in the same room as them.
Black men are not the only men who have a complex about the liking light skinned women.
I'm not black and I've dealt with the same issue that black men have dealt with concerning I'm actually half Filipino and half Jewish. It all started in my childhood with me liking white girls. After I was rejected by white girls, I turned to black girls because I had been influenced to believe that black people are more accepting of other ethnicities than whites. I believe that my initial attraction to black girls came from the fact that I easily made friends with black people. I just want all of you to know, however, that the media has hyped up the idea that lighter skin is superior and we, the idiots, have all bought into the lie. We've been brainwashed and conditioned to believe these kinds of ideas because white peopleAll of it comes from the WHITE MEDIA. We've all been conditioned to believe that we're inferior unless we can prove that we're not. So in an attempt to prove our worth to WHITES, we assimilate into their culture. We're making attempts to be accepted by them. We've been brainwashed to believe that lighter is better. God made all shapes and sizes beautiful, but most of us can't see it that way because from the time we're little, we're being programmed by the TV. Then we wonder why everyone has these issues and so-called "preferences". They're actually biases. If people would be willing to be real with themselves and their self-deluded ideas about preferences, they'd realize that they're dealing with a type of prejudice and racism more than a preference.
It’s not a preference it’s an obsession and a fetish (definition: A an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion , an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression , B a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body; "common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair, shoes, and underwear, C a charm (substitute light skin here) superstitiously(or falsely) believed to embody magical powers (substitute special quality/ superior) Many other ethnicities deal with the same issue. I have dated only Black women and did not know I had a problem until recently. It comes from White controlled media, our ethnically owned media and our own communities that reinforce these ideas. I am half Jewish and half Filipino. For me it started in my childhood liking white girls and then being rejected by them. I had some Black friends and was influenced by the idea that Black people are more accepting of other races than whites. We have been conditioned through the media overtly and subtly to believe that women who are bi-racial (mixed with Black and white) and high yellow, light skinned and with Euro-centric features are prettier and more sexually appealing (though these ideas pre-date modern media even going back to days of the African slave trade). We as men are competitive and want to have “the best” and lust after and pursue these Black women and women of other races and ethnicities that are light skinned. The white dominated media’s agenda is to make us believe that they are superior and we (non-whites) are inferior (which is the furthest thing from the truth). So we as non-white people try to prove that we are not inferior by compensating for our inferiority complexes and trying to become more like them. If we can remove our “white” conditioning we will begin to see people through a different perspective. I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ but I am not going to be ignorant any longer about what is going on in our society. We are conditioned and brainwashed to believe that everything is just a matter of choice and preference and everyone should just do what we want, but our so-called preferences are being influenced by ideas that are not always our own. A mostly white-controlled media controls what we see on television and movies and what we hear on the radio and many of us have bought into the stereo-types, biases and racism that it perpetuates and even our own communities that perpetuate the same stupidity.