RAW: Watch out for the BIG girl

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Salutations SBM Aficionados,

As the Hump Day High Commander, I’m taking today to answer a reader email because SBM made me we care about what you think! Today’s email made me almost pee my pants with laughter think for a minute about a good & prudent answer. Check the question below:

Good Morning!!

First and foremost I would like to say I love your website, its very straightforward and REAL!

Well, I have a question, lately my sister have not had the best of luck when it comes to love. Recently she went through an rough situation with a guy. Her “best-friend” trust to tell her that maybe she need to lose some weight and she will have better luck with the type of guys she meets, then she precedes to say, well you know a lot of guys want “thick” girls just as cut buddies but when it comes down to giving the actual title of girlfriend they go for the skinny girls. At this point  I’m completely shocked that her friend would tell her such foolishness.So my question to you is do find any truth in the statement that was made by her friend? ( Honestly I believe she just need to reevaluate herself and what she’s looking for in a relationship/guy and of course get a new best friend).

Thanks for taking the time to read my email!!!
Be Blessed,
Queen

Dear Queen,

Wow.  That was my first reaction after reading this letter. Before I dive into the pums topic, let me offer some quick advice for your sister: Her best friend  needs more people real life experience before she gets her Ph.D in sex therapy. If shorty is uncomfortable with her appearance and wants to get physically fit, she should do it for her own reasons.  “Honestly I believe she just need to reevaluate herself and what she’s looking for in a relationship/guy and of course get a new best friendTHIS was GREAT advice and I hoep you told her this yourself!! **woosah** OK getting THAT out of the way let’s get into the meat of the matter[||].

While I just roasted this “Best Friend” about her “advice” in her utter stupidity misguided message lies SOME truth. Men yearn for certain qualities in women when seeking a significant other. Hell, we all should! However, to say that a man values your weight class when determining if you’re a Cut Buddy or Wifey is absurd! Think about it: Her friend actually believes that a man sees a “big girl” and says “Damn, I’d hit it, but she’s too big to wife. I’m on a budget as is and dinner/lunch/snacks aint cheap. Its a recession!”?! Sorry love, but in the real world it works another way. In my opinion, the decision to cut vs wife up a female is more complicated. Here are some factors to consider:

Physical Features – I wore a bullet proof vest when typing this attribute, and will continue to wear it while you read and type comments! I know I said the answer lies deeper than rap,  but some dudes will lay pipework on a butt ugly misfortunate looking woman if her body is crazy. Are they looking for great conversation, intelligence, and a nurturing spirit? Negative! All homeboy thinks is “Damn she got a fat @$$ though… I NEED THAT!” Funny thing is, I know women who do the exact same thing for brothers with plenny $$$$. Ebb and flow (no time of the month).

NO VACANCY – It’s hard for people to get a significant other whe they already have one. Remembering brithdays, holidays, and other appointments takes the multitasking ability of a cyborg. This can pose a dilemma for these individuals, so they choose to place you in the cut buddy corner. Boyfriend/Girlfriend #2 anyone?

Time and Place – Maybe he just got out of a long marriage relationship and is looking to do him. Maybe he never sees himself as a “one woman” man. Maybe he knows you’re crazy but crazy pum is some of the best pum and he needs to indulge in sensual spelunking. Maybe she only sees him as a cut buddy and wants to “live out her fantasy” and be cool.  Either way, you can both reside on different pages and a relationship wouldn’t formulate, so you decide to keep it casual. Both men and women have the utmost control in this area. It helps to communicate your intentions, philosophy, and thought process so there’s no confusion. This type of approach is what separates the adults from the kids.

In closing, I feel that your previous thoughts about your sister hold true. We all go through stretches of tough luck with dating. As long as you have an idea of what you really want and what you will do to complete your objective, you will be fine. This stuff isn’t rocket science, but we can make it complicated.

Finally, here’s what some of our readers on twitter thought of that *ahem* Best Friends revelation: http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23sbmqfr

Hope this helps, and please contact us with any other questions.

The beauty of this letter is she will have more than just myself to hear great opinions. You tell me if I’m lunchin or speaking the truth. Any other differences? Are big girls the new skinny girls in 2009? Will Tyra do a Plus Size ANTM? HOLLA BACK!

Young Streetz

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  • http://fabulousmax.blogspot.com max

    very enlightening. i never thought about what a man's reasons might be for making a woman a cut buddy vs. wifey, but you make a lot of sense. when you asked the question on twitter my reaction was that it's not big vs small it's confident vs dummies; now i'm wondering whether it's as simple as that….interesting.

  • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

    I cannot believe that advice..

    From number 1, I think I'll stop going to school and just increase the classes I take in the gym. (j/k)

  • http://undressingher.com undressingHER

    SBM you hit the nail on the head.

    As for "fat" women not being wifeys. Excuse me, but have people looked at their mothers? their aunties? Somebody had sex with her.

    I can give you several websites that have easily over 10,000 members each that want NOTHING but big women. They shun at the idea of skinny girls. They range from "thick" to straight up obese….and these guys aren't all fat either, they come from different backgrounds, both physically and financially.

    In closing, I don't want to committ to any woman, rather she's 105 or 165. Rather she's slim or thick. The dudes I know who run through women……..RUN THROUGH WOMEN. One of my boys ONLY messes with petite women and he goes through them like food.

    send me her pic though, if she's cute, and not too big……..I'll make her feel good, lol.

  • Ashley

    Wow…she definitely needs to leave that "best friend" alone…although I WILL say, some big girls are so unhappy with their appearance and so lacking in confidence that they will settle with being a jump-off instead of wifey because they're just happy to have some attention…sad but true. Maybe thats where her misguided friend comes in.

  • Juicyjen

    Although the friend is giving her bad advice, it is still really important to get your body right. Dating is a numbers game, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Not to say that "kissing frogs means cutting". But a lot of men think they are doing thick or overweight girls favors by messing with them. You can be big, but you have to be healthy. We all know when you look good, you feel good. So there can't be any dude out there that can take advantage of you emotionally or physically.

    Also, initially women attract men with their appearance, not their minds or personalities. So if you want to find a qualified applicant, you need to have a sizable pool to select from. If you only have wack dudes approaching you, then thats who you'll end up with…Simple as that!

  • http://thinkprettysmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

    Whoa. I'm not sure where the writer or the people who've left comments live. I've never been over a size 6. What I notice is that in the south, being bigger is not a sin. However, when you go north, thin is in. During my time in Atl and FL, I wasn't the hot shyt. I was told in many ways that I need to get my weight up. Not to mention when I was in W. Africa I was both too thin and too light. Go figure!

    Someone mentioned our mothers and aunts. A lot of them were a lot thinner when they met their mates. AND their mates had different expectations. Today, the guy who is THAT guy, he doesn't want anyone over a tall size 8. Sure, he'll smash a size 12 (never mind that the average size of American women is like 12-14). I've heard them talk about how bigger women will do damned near anything because they don't get much play. I understand that men are more willing to say that foulness around me because they assume I agree with them. They assume I'm also looking down at big women. Not even the case. I know some super fly, confident big chicks. And I still get more attention (in DC and out west).

    Having said all of that, I think her friend has a point. If she wants to get and keep the attention of THAT guy (the sought after guy), she has to understand that for the most part, his prototype isn't bigger than a size 8. She can either deal with it and change her 'goal man' or she can lose the weight and keep it off.

    Finally, why is it that in the Black community, we almost encourage people to be big? What about the health benefits of losing weight–especially around the middle??

    • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

      I live in FL and I have spent lots of time in ATL…and I've never been over a size 4, or had a problem getting a man so…I guess it just depends.

      true statement about the mothers and when they met their spouses…..

  • Tania

    Are we talking about a fat girl dating pookie the drug dealer who lives in his momma's basement, or pulling a real man of substance?

    Fat as in fat-fat (Monique n 'em) or fat like a bit chunky? I ask because women throw words around a lot. Go up a half size and it's "OMG I'm so fat!" be under a size 6 and you're skinny.

    If you mean fat-fat then I think it contributes greatly to limiting ones options because most men are not seeking fat women. That's not to say you have to be thin to get married since obviously Americans get married every day.

    With all that said, people tend to use end of the spectrum words like "fat", "thin", or "skinny". There's a lot in between and most decent size women have as many options as their personality/facial attractiveness and other non-weight related attributes can attract. All the chunky women I know have men (they put themselves together well/are confident/have man-relationship compatible personalities, etc.).

    When you enter the realm of so fat your tummy covers your coochie or you appear shapeless (giant spongebob) then the number of deep sea diving men drop dramatically.

  • http://singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Jac

    Hmm…I thought this was a good question when I saw it on Twitter.

    I think the best friend needs to get a grip and realize that not everyone is going to be the exact same. I can say that I am by no means a skinny girl and I never have a problem finding a man. I always hear about how clean I am and how my clothes fit right and I have so much confidence. I think therein lies the answer.

    Now I really did tell a friend of mine that the men she was dating were just using her, but I wouldn't say it was because she's plus size. I would say it is because she's just too nice and too naive. I think that can play a factor too-if you've just been sheltered your whole life.

    A man of substance (as someone said above) who loves being with you isn't going to care if you're a 6 or a 16-that's just my opinion

  • Peyso

    I would actually argue that the big girl has a higher chance to become wifey. I think ppl forget what the role of wifey entails. While the skinny chick could always rely on her figure and looks, the big girl was learning how to keep home and keep a man. They cook, they clean, they handle their business financially, they handle their business in the bedroom. Not to say this is the case for every big girl or every skinny girl but this is what I've seen. Now it may be easier for a skinny chick to get a man, i would think its easier for a big girl to keep a man. That man knows he can get another pretty, skinny chick any day of the week. But how many girls can he get that knows exactly how he likes his macaroni and cheese and will iron his drawers?

    • http://singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Jac

      Peyso,

      You might have a valid point with what you said…My best friend is a skinny one who handles business etc well…I happen to be a big girl and I handle business well…

      Might some of the behaviors be attributed to the dreaded Princess Syndrome? And some big girl's have that worst than little ones…could that be a reason why a man can't be kept?

      It's like you're either low self esteem OR too much self esteem?

    • http://thinkprettysmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      I think you may have something here. It's easier for them to keep men. But why? It is because a skinny chick believes she can go out and get another man but a bigger chick is willing to work longer, stronger, and harder for fear that her chances of replacing him aren't great? This is really something I wonder about. Especially after having conversations with me and witnessing them treat their bigger girl a certain way cus she's not going anywhere. Sure they'll marry her because they can "keep living like a single man and she'll be home waiting with a hot meal. But a skinny girl will be home waiting with a hot pot of grits." Granted, these guys are assholes. BUT they appear to be THAT guy.

      • http://singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Jac

        I think you have a valid point Ms. but there are also some bigger girls who are quick to tell you that they can be out.

        I know I told a dude one time some other dude will be handling your business. He just looked at me. I was dead serious.

        I know I have done some seriously crazy stuff to men and they all realize I'm not playing and eventually they utter the words "I've realized that you can find someone else because you're so…"

        So I just think this chick's issues are boiling down to self esteem.

        • TheWhittiest

          Hmmm…Wow. I'm about size 6/8 top, 12/14 bottom, very toned yet shapely.. so I feel like I'm a "big girl." I would agree with mostly everyone. I can definitely throw down from collard greens to the gumbo, and I clean, and "catering" is a natural instinct. However, that's not solely because I'm a big girl; it's mostly because that's how I was raised. When I'm in a relationship, I work hard to keep him not because I can't get anyone else, but moreso because I value the man I am with. When it comes to men, my relationships tend to be long-lasting and meaningful, and they hardly end on a sour note. It is true, when I go out with my girlfriends who are smaller, they are approached more than I am; nevertheless, I get mad play too and I like the type of men who approach me and those I choose to date. I wouldn't say most big girls do this or that…that's silly…really, it is to each his own….

          …So regarding this chick, it's definitely a self-esteem issue. You attract what you put out. There are going to be some guys who just don't DO YOU…and that's okay too. My advice to her, as it is everyone else's, become the woman that "your type" wants, or become the woman you want and welcome (not fuck) the men you attract.

  • Francine

    Well – you know society gravitates to the skinny women.

    Society paints a picture that says: skinny, light skin and nice hair makes you pretty.

  • J mOney

    To be honest I feel the best friend. All of my great sexual experiences were with thicker women and I don't know why that came to be. So I thnk my attraction to thicker women increased. But on the flip side I was never really ready to wife up a thick women. I dont know if it was superficial thing or if it was I was not truly feeling them like that. But I saw a tyra show where a guy said thick women were fun to have sex with but they would not be more than just fun sex partners. And the guy would go find him a woman with a size more desirable.

  • http://www.streetztalk.net streetztalk

    I think the friend is an absolute idiot first off, lol.

    Also, we should love ourselves for who we are, at the same time for your own personal health and fitness you should try to get in shape. Self hate only leads to losing.

    Are there any skinny/slim girls who find that they struggle with the opposite sex because of their body composition?

    • PearlsOfWisdom

      Growing up I was very thin. I actually had a guy tell me that I was really cute…but to come back in a few years after I had picked up some weight. Needless to say I prayed for thickness. A few years ago my weight dropped down to 119 (which is still heavier than I was growing up)…I actually got complaints from guys who knew me.

      One thing I wanted to ask or point out is that our perceptions of skinny, thick, and plus-sized are subjective. I hear lots of girls say they are thick, but I would consider them plus-sized. at 119 I was thin, but definitely nowhere near as skinny as I used to be.

    • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

      I did…like in middle school. LOL. by high school it wasn't a problem. I still got teased, but I always had a boyfriend. I guess these were guys that preferred slim girls though…

  • Hugh Jazz

    If anything, her advice is precisely backwards. Most guys will deviate from their physical preferences in a woman if a good woman comes along that he doesn’t want to lose. That being said, physical appearances matter. If her friend said she needs to lose weight, she probably does. She doesn't have to be a size 6, but over a size 16 is pushing it.

  • Mika

    Although it wasn't the smartest thing to say at the moment, her friend told her a harsh reality of what the BLACK community & media sees as a "beautiful body image". I know A LOT of black women goin to the gym & including "booty excerises" in the workout regimne trying to achieve a "donk" b/c they've noticed at one point or another how a black man has STARED/PRAISED a woman for having one.

    So maybe her bestie (tho how it came out was ALL wrong) thought if she lost some of that "sexy weight", men would stop seeing her as just a sexual object….

    **Just seeing it from another angle**

    • Tania

      ^^^I totally agree.

  • http://www.sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

    i agree with the advice the sister gave. your reasons for "the decision to cut vs wife up a female" are also on point to. we can pretend if we want but in reality men are visual creatures. i know me personally, i wouldn't date a big girl. but that doesn't mean the next man wouldn't. the girl's sister just needs to find someone who finds her attractive just the way she is. there is someone out there for everyone.

  • BlueFlame

    Like everyone stated, the best friends advice was dumb. If you have to alter your appearance JUST to get a man…that is no bueno (and you should evaluate the reasons why you're so willing to lose weight for a man.) If he isn't satisfied with your weight now…even if you lose all the weight he'll just find something else wrong with you because he is not satisfied with YOU. It has nothing to do with your appearance. He is just a person that can not be pleased.

    I am 5'3, 110lbs and i love my size, but i didn't always. I used to get teased because i was so small. Some of my high school friends nicknamed me Annie for anorexic…Yea whatev. I used to laugh it off but it did really bother me. I guess i can laugh about it now. Ha.Ha. Since i was hearing, "girl do you need a sandwich?" so much i did start to feel bad about my body. But i eventually matured and came to the realization that i can't live my life to please others. It's my body and not theirs. Who cares what they say? If a dude doesn't want me because i'm too small, then whatever. That's his preference. I'm not gonna break my back to gain weight. (But trust I do eat. Gotta support that high metabolism!) On the flip side, I love me a man that's in shape (Not overly muscular though…gross!), and that's MY personal preference. I like to exercise and stay busy and I need a man that can keep up, and who wants to exercise with me.

    As far as bigger women being better housewives because they can cook and clean…i'm sorry but that's some bull. That's just another stereotype! I know how to throw down in the kitchen and I know how to clean. I just choose to be physically fit also. I don't want to be judged on my "wifey" abilities/potential just because of my size.

    • http://writtenrebel.blogspot.com/ Tiffany Nicole

      I second..If you gotta alter then what's the point?? Seriously if he knew you and won't date you when you were big why give him play because you lost weight and get smaller??? Makes no sense. Everything has got to begin on the inside. As a big girl I have NEVER struggled to get a date or play from a man. First of all Imma lady first and I tend to do pretty well in those areas. From experience it has got to be your confidence and personality that comes forth. Individuals have individual likes and dislikes. Do you..TI said it, you can have whatever you like!

      If you wanna change, change your outlook and prespective. Evaluate what you are really looking for and why the hell you always falling for the crazies!

      • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

        I disagree with both of you. This is about attracting someone new. If two women have the exact same qualities, looks, etc., but one weighs 30 lbs. more than the other, 90% of men will wife the smaller one. Unscientific stat, but I'd guess it's accurate. I don't get why people feel they shouldn't improve themselves. If you quit smoking, lose weight, get your teeth straightened, get a better job, etc., man or woman, you'll be more attractive to the opposite sex. People get into this "This is who I am and you gotta accept me" mentality as an excuse not to work on their flaws sometimes.

        • BlueFlame

          I get what you're saying. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself…as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. In the case above, if she's doing it JUST to get a man…that's for all the wrong reasons and she has some deep-rooted self-esteem issues. And even if she does lose the weight for a man, she'll still be looking for other things to change because deep down she isn't happy with herself. If a guy says, "I'll get with u if u do x, y, and z" and then she proceeds to do those things…he'll find something else wrong. If you're constantly living to seek others approval, how is that benefiting you? You can't please everyone. All that matters is that you're happy with yourself! And if you are happy with yourself you're doing things to improve yourself because it's what you want to do to be happy with YOUR life…not for someone else to be happy with your life. You have to love yourself first! Otherwise how can you expect anyone else to? And by "you" i mean people in general…i'm not e-attacking you! :)

      • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

        @blueflame. II don't feel attacked at all. I think you're discounting how much public approval influences our behavior though. Would people really put in the extra effort to do these really difficult things if they didn't get a benefit from it? I didn't read anywhere that this chick has low self-esteem or hated herself or her body. I think folks may be putting that on her. The letter just said that her friend told her X and people are discussing whether that was appropriate or not. How we got into deciding she's a basket case I'm not sure

  • Mika

    Btw… Why are we all assuming that this girl is a size 16??? I don't see anything in the sister's letter that says that.

    *something else to ponder*

  • The Don

    Straight up the friend was giving her Real advice there is a difference between thick and obese. IF you are obese your pool of dating does drop just like a broke man. I mean think about it how many Rich well educated men have BIG wives???? None zero zip genrally speaking if a woman is big she can get men but they might not be the type of men she wants. Most men of means of any color do not like large women

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    I would just like to say… controversial or not… big girls need love too. however… we live in a cold cold world, chances are they don't.

    I wish I knew how big the girl was. Because you never know, y'all need to stop fronting, you got some friends who you feel need to lose some weight to help their chances. be real to your homegirls. BE REAL.

    I'm gargling in overdue work, i'll be in touch tomorrow or this evening.

  • Friendsdontlietoeach

    Soooo many politically correct answers…

  • juli

    I think for SOME women, the weight does seriously affect their dating pool. The women who don't have any special attribute to attract a man. If their personality is nothing special, their looks are blah, and they are on team chunk also? That would make it hard. I personally never have a shortage of attention. yeah yeah, pretty face, blah blah. Its not my slim figure attracting dudes. So I would presume it is my "energy" "Vibe" and confidence. (and huge boobs. LOL)

  • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

    http://www.amazon.com/Why-Marry-Some-Women-Others

    Real talk, none of my male friends has married or will likely marry a big woman. It is what it is.

  • SealedWithASix

    I think we all agree that the best friend is not really a friend at all – moving on ….

    Speaking first hand from the big girl perspective: Lots of big girls have insecurities about their appearance…although some are good at disguising their insecurities, you can spot them by the men they choose. If one doesn't think they deserve better-they won't choose better.

    I was once told by a male friend that I "had too many standards to be a big girl". My response was I have standards just as every woman should. Besides if you match me up with ANY skinny chick, I'd come out on top in MOST categories (sometimes physically) because of who I am & what I bring to the table. I shall never settle b/c I'm prime choice, PERIOD !!

    Yes, some men aren't into big girls. Mmmmk where's the problem with that? I'm not into big guys. Everyone has the right to their preference.

    Big girls get men (all types) that like big girls . Not because we cook, clean, etc…. You mean to tell me skinny chicks are nasty hoes that don't cook or wash their ass ?

    Your good at video games because you like to play..well I'm good at cooking cause I like to eat …duhhhhh..smh

    It doesn't matter if your skinny or fat your man may just be my next-your ex…

  • http://www.streetztalk.net streetztalk

    Heres my thing:

    My personal preference isnt the "big girl" now what do you consider big is the real question. For that matter I cant see myself with a super skinny woman. Id rather hump a bag of golf clubs. same difference.

    When I think big girl I think BIG GIRL. My homie Sealed I would consider thick because shes NOT sloppy with hers and carries herself well.

    Health and appearance are 2 BIG factors to consider (no pun intended).

    On another tip, being self conscious can be a blessing and a curse. I got in (better) shape because I didnt want to become a black ailement statistic unfortunately like my father. I also felt that I never wanted to be fat, got teased because my bones wre abnormally large in grade school, and wanted to look better and FEEL better. I still think I can imporve a LOT more, even though some may say im too slim or im good the way I am. I have an idea of my perfect body and want to attain that.

    We should never let it consume us though.I knew one girl who was in better shape than 75% of women i knew and still thought she was fat. Passin out at the gym and all that. Crazy!

    Physical fitness is important to me. If it is to you and need moTIvation, follow me at my home base http://bit.ly/ZAWAb

  • Mz Good Heart

    Well 1st & foremost thick is the new skinny…im 5'3, 186, with a 36-30-47 frame and I do love it.

    Now on to the matter I do not think size has anything to do with if ur wifey or the cut buddy its the person themself. Some like me cuz im thick others won't look my way at all. Its watever the person is into. Also it was good advice she was given and she def needs to drop that best friend. Lose weight if u want to…us women(black women) have enough sterotypes out there…!!!

    HOpe this helps!!!

    • Syriana

      Wow, I'm 5'9 and 186 lbs. and constantly called big girl, Amazon, etc….Most men in this country consider me overweight. That's ok, because it's a big world. If one man doesn't like you for you than move on. Like the saying goes, one monkey doesn't steal the show.

  • http://www.streetztalk.net streetztalk

    And FURTHERMORE….

    Sometimes ladies, you're just ugly or unattractive to the eyes. This knows no size. Real friends will keep it real and offer imrovement options to be more appealing to their target cut buddy audience!

    Some men dont like big women. Your goal isnt to appeal to them, its to appeal to the men who are into big women… or lose the weight.

    Sometimes the answers are there and we dont want to see em

  • Kali

    As a bigger woman (I haven't been below a 12 since I was younger than 12) I think it all has to do with how one carries themselves (swagga). I know slinny women as well as big women who stay single.

    But whoever mentioned self esteem is very right. When I was insecure I thought like the best friend. But once I became okay with the skin I was in, ad DRESSED APPROPRIATELY for my size, men weren't an issue.

    I've dated men that ex's r literally half my size. But my smile and walkin with my head up, I think added to my… Opportunity.

    Wearing particular clothes that aren't fitting maybe an issue n it's self. Unfortunitely, if u dress like u're an jump off type, then u'll b treated as one. Same way if u dress like a cop, u'll b treated as one as well.

    Being in the middle has been an interesting adventure, but I think if most women look back, they've never really been in without. Just may not be what wanted. But size? The only factor? Nah. I don't believe that. There r people out there for everyone. One just has to b open and be mindful of the vibes they r putting out.

    (ps- on phone n I never proof read, I apologize now for mistakes. Peace n blessings)

  • http://fabulousmax.blogspot.com max

    I wonder if the issue isn't bigness, but rather just having some kind of…handicap. Not of course that being a big girl means you are in any way handicapped, but i think most women would agree that it's a lot more difficult to keep a man's interest when you have all your ish together. An independent, educated, employed, sane woman screams 'alpha female' and most men run in fear from that in favour of a woman who needs saving in some way. Maybe a big girl is just a damsel in distress to some men.

  • Kali

    Umm… N general can someone break down the size ranges? Skinny is 0- what? Thick? Big girl/ obese? And can a man answer this? Cause maybe we as women don't understand the male break down… And does weight go with those? Muscule weigh more than fat and people r stacked differently. If 180 but a size 12/13… What r u concidered?

    • Hugh Jazz

      IMHO:

      0-4: Skinny

      6-10: Normal

      12-16: Thick

      18 up: Stop eating

      • http://richbrand.wordpress.com RichBrand

        IMHO:

        If a woman's dress size is bigger than the man's shoe size, she's too damn big. Use that gauge and you'll be good to go.

        But HJ's scale is good to go and it probably mirrors the thoughts of most northern men when it comes to size scales (per se). For southern men, add 4 to each category and there you have it.

        • PearlsOfWisdom

          If we're going by dress size…I just don't think a size 16 is thick…and a size 14 is pushing it.

        • http://www.milanrouge.blospot.com MilanRouge

          LMAO! I'm sorry…that's funny

      • Orion

        also height is a factor, esp for your scale. A 5'2 girl who is a size 10 is not normal, that is fat.

        • http://www.milanrouge.blospot.com MilanRouge

          That's obese…

      • PLENTIE

        I'M PLENTIE,AND I'M THAT BIG GIRL….JUST LET IT BE KNOWN,I HAVE MYSELF TOGETHER…….YOU BEST BELIEVE WHEN I STEPOUT,ITS ALL ABOUT ME…..AND,THATS WHAT OTHER BIG GIRLS NEED TO DO….DON'T GET IT TWISTED,I GET MINE…YOU DECIDE WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO BE IN….I DON'T F—-,WIT LIL DICK MEN…THATS MY CHOICE….I MAKE THAT KNOWN UP FRONT,JUMP ON OR MOVE AROUND…..PROVEN FACT'YOUR FRIEND MAY ONLY BE TELLING YOU THAT BECAUSE YOU LOOK BETTER…SO'BEING PLUS SIZE HASNOTHING TO DO WIT YOU KEEPING A MAN….AREN'T YOU OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW'MEN ARE LIKE BABIES'THEY KNOW WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM……

      • PLENTIE

        YOU NEED TO STOP WITH THAT BS YOU WANTING TO PRODUCE….I'M THAT BIG GIRL LIKE I SAID……THE WAY YOU CARRY YOURSELF SAYS EVERYTHING….THATS HOW SHIT GETS TAKEN THE WRONG WAY…LET IT BE KNOWN…A REAL MAN LOOK AT THEWAY YOU CARRY YOURSELF'A REAL MAN WANTS YOU TO HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER…..I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T COME INTO YOUR GROWN MAN WITH THAT COMMENT…….GO TO BED

  • @paparoxi

    I dont think that it was right for her friend to bring up her wieght issues in that context! ditch that girl However….

    I think men gravitate toward women who personify vitaility and life and I am sorry no amount of confidenct or dressing can help it if you look like your a cheese burger away from a triple bypass….

    Hence why men might gravitate toward women who are "skinnier" as life partners, If I had to be more politically correct I would say "healthier". Honestly if you cant take care of yourself and your heart and well being how are you going to make sure the kids are ok…

    • http://www.milanrouge.blospot.com MilanRouge

      Oh. Oh wow…LMAO!

  • The Don

    I mean lets be honest most cats dont wont no big sloppy woman. its gross

  • PearlsOfWisdom

    I think we need to define thick a whole lot better. I don't think dress size is a good determining factor. When I think of thick I think "Brickhouse"…which to me refers to being a bit more blessed in the breast, butt, hips, and thigh area. But it's not the same thing as fat, fluffy, or obese IMHO.

    To me you have to factor in height, weight, measurements, and proportions. Dress size is just not accurate…especially because ready-to-wear (store bought) items use vanity sizing to make women feel better about themselves, instead of using true sizes which would wreck alot of women's self-esteem.

    • http://www.streetztalk.net streetztalk

      THIS!!!! ^^^

  • http://www.streetztalk.net streetztalk

    we need to see pics to determine if yall big girls are really big..

    twitpc any1?

  • Little Miss Sunshine

    I really think that up to a certain size range (obesity/morbid obesity range) that it has a lot to do with your confidence. I am currently at my largest weight with a size 16 and I have absolutely no issue with getting the exact type of boyfriend I want and keeping him for as long as I want. I'm working on losing weight for me as I think it will increase my confidence overall but surely not for any guy.

    I wonder if the writers issue is one of confidence and not size… Her friend can surely kick rocks!

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  • Tiana

    Overall men don't like fat chicks. When you pick up a magazine how many 250 pound chicks do you see? How many big girls do they put in videos? That should tell you what most men like and it's not fat! I am not a fat hater, I'm 5'7 size 14 and am working on getting the rest of it off. The more weight I lose the more people respond to me and like me, I have been on both sides of the spectrum, I've been a size 8 and a size 20…MEN DO NOT LIKE FAT WOMEN! Every now and then you might find the exception but even check the dynamics of those relationships. Fat girls don't have as much options as a girl with a nice body so they usually accept more BS and work harder at a relationship, men don't feel they have to try as hard with a big girl and they use it to their advantage. But if you have a nice body men will be checking for you and going out of their way to impress you and wine and dine you, they will want to be seen with you and show you off. So yeah, sistas let's lose weight if we want better dating lives.

  • http://www.theselfesteemadvisoryservice.com self esteem

    nice post!!!!

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