Salutations SBM Aficionados,
As the Hump Day High Commander, I’m taking today to answer a reader email because SBM made me we care about what you think! Today’s email made me almost pee my pants with laughter think for a minute about a good & prudent answer. Check the question below:
First and foremost I would like to say I love your website, its very straightforward and REAL!
Well, I have a question, lately my sister have not had the best of luck when it comes to love. Recently she went through an rough situation with a guy. Her “best-friend” trust to tell her that maybe she need to lose some weight and she will have better luck with the type of guys she meets, then she precedes to say, well you know a lot of guys want “thick” girls just as cut buddies but when it comes down to giving the actual title of girlfriend they go for the skinny girls. At this point I’m completely shocked that her friend would tell her such foolishness.So my question to you is do find any truth in the statement that was made by her friend? ( Honestly I believe she just need to reevaluate herself and what she’s looking for in a relationship/guy and of course get a new best friend).
Thanks for taking the time to read my email!!!
Wow. That was my first reaction after reading this letter. Before I dive into the pums topic, let me offer some quick advice for your sister: Her best friend needs more people real life experience before she gets her Ph.D in sex therapy. If shorty is uncomfortable with her appearance and wants to get physically fit, she should do it for her own reasons. “Honestly I believe she just need to reevaluate herself and what she’s looking for in a relationship/guy and of course get a new best friend” THIS was GREAT advice and I hoep you told her this yourself!! **woosah** OK getting THAT out of the way let’s get into the meat of the matter[||].
While I just roasted this “Best Friend” about her “advice” in her utter stupidity misguided message lies SOME truth. Men yearn for certain qualities in women when seeking a significant other. Hell, we all should! However, to say that a man values your weight class when determining if you’re a Cut Buddy or Wifey is absurd! Think about it: Her friend actually believes that a man sees a “big girl” and says “Damn, I’d hit it, but she’s too big to wife. I’m on a budget as is and dinner/lunch/snacks aint cheap. Its a recession!”?! Sorry love, but in the real world it works another way. In my opinion, the decision to cut vs wife up a female is more complicated. Here are some factors to consider:
Physical Features – I wore a bullet proof vest when typing this attribute, and will continue to wear it while you read and type comments! I know I said the answer lies deeper than rap, but some dudes will lay pipework on a butt ugly misfortunate looking woman if her body is crazy. Are they looking for great conversation, intelligence, and a nurturing spirit? Negative! All homeboy thinks is “Damn she got a fat @$$ though… I NEED THAT!” Funny thing is, I know women who do the exact same thing for brothers with plenny $$$$. Ebb and flow (no time of the month).
NO VACANCY – It’s hard for people to get a significant other whe they already have one. Remembering brithdays, holidays, and other appointments takes the multitasking ability of a cyborg. This can pose a dilemma for these individuals, so they choose to place you in the cut buddy corner. Boyfriend/Girlfriend #2 anyone?
Time and Place – Maybe he just got out of a long marriage relationship and is looking to do him. Maybe he never sees himself as a “one woman” man. Maybe he knows you’re crazy but crazy pum is some of the best pum and he needs to indulge in sensual spelunking. Maybe she only sees him as a cut buddy and wants to “live out her fantasy” and be cool. Either way, you can both reside on different pages and a relationship wouldn’t formulate, so you decide to keep it casual. Both men and women have the utmost control in this area. It helps to communicate your intentions, philosophy, and thought process so there’s no confusion. This type of approach is what separates the adults from the kids.
In closing, I feel that your previous thoughts about your sister hold true. We all go through stretches of tough luck with dating. As long as you have an idea of what you really want and what you will do to complete your objective, you will be fine. This stuff isn’t rocket science, but we can make it complicated.
Finally, here’s what some of our readers on twitter thought of that *ahem* Best Friends revelation: http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23sbmqfr
Hope this helps, and please contact us with any other questions.
The beauty of this letter is she will have more than just myself to hear great opinions. You tell me if I’m lunchin or speaking the truth. Any other differences? Are big girls the new skinny girls in 2009? Will Tyra do a Plus Size ANTM? HOLLA BACK!