Dating a Blogger

A welcomed surprise her at SBM.net … we have a letter from a male reader.  He’s got an issue, I got a few answer’s, ya’ll have a lot more … let’s get together and help a brother out.

SBM

My girl is a blogger and I am cool with that. She actually turned me on to blogging, well I just comment mostly. But I would not have really gotten into it if it was not for her. But she actually has a blog where she posts all the time. I have read a lot of them and found some pretty interesting things. Things about sexual escapades and things guys have done to her in her past. We have an open relationship where we can discuss anything from our past sexually and what actually took place. I decided to ask her about the particular incident she was talking about on a blog and she snapped. She asked me why was I investigating her. I don’t think I was investigating her. She said she did not have a problem with me asking or reading it so I was confused on the “investigation” part. I was just reading what she put out there for everyone else to see. Is there an unwritten rule that you can’t bring up what someone has written on a blog? Or do bloggers not expect for that to never come back on them? Look I don’t care that she blogs or what she blogs about. But I feel like if you can go into detail with people you don’t know, then you should be able to talk about it with me. I could see if she was Miss Anonymous but her face is plastered on all these blogs and these people are her friends on facebook and other sites and it is linked to her real name. If it is such a big secret then she surely is not acting like it is. Am I wrong for inquiring about things she has written?

Inpsector Gadget (So she say LOL!!)

This … this hits a little close to home.  There is literally a public searchable database of my opinions on love, marriage dating, stories of my past “exploits”, and public fights and arguments with my ex’s.  There is a lot of me in this site, and while it’s one of my proudest achievements … it’s also has some of my more unflattering moments.  But at the end of the date … it’s all me.  I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.  And while I protect my gov’t identity to ensure I have a place of employment … I am SBM and SBM is me.

Before I got in my last relationship … I was dating my current girlfriend.  I didn’t tell her about the blog, because it wasn’t necessary at the time.  But when I decided she was someone special and I was ready to put a label on it … she had to know my secret.

I sat her down.  Buttered her up with a nice dinner, and poured her a glass of wine. Opened up my laptop … and told her I had something to show her.

I opened up the site. told her all about it.  I warned her about some of the worst parts, told about some of my accomplishments, and told her to take some time and read through it all.

I have told several bloggers this story.  Several of them thought I was insane. “Why did you tell her?” “Why do you think she needs to know?” And I told them they were all crazy.

**prepare for the softness**

A key component to any good relationship is trust and transparency.  Not only should I be able to trust someone enough to tell them my secrets and let them into my life, and I should also want to share with them more and more about me.  At some point, the line from where you end and she starts will merge … and unity is formed.

So how the f*** are we united and you don’t know why I’m running into the living room at 1230 am on a Thursday night?

So, as a blogger … whatever you share with your readers should be open to your S.O.  You shouldn’t feel bad for reading, and she should actually appreciate the fact that you read her stuff.

In terms of you asking about it … well .. that’s tricky.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether it was on a blog, from a friend of yours, or a youtube video … you are only allowed to ask about important things.  Asking about random facts of the person past (unless this is a common theme) is sure to spark a bad taste in the other person mouth.

For example, there is a story on her of me retelling a one night stand.  If it was found and read by the love of my life, so be it.  If she asks about it … ok.  But if she starts questioning things like “was she prettier than me” or “did you go down there with her” … uh … at that point I’m going to be annoyed.  I’ll answer them because … whatever … but I will wonder why does it matter.

So my confused friend, there is no code for a lot of us.  If you put stuff out there in the open with your name and picture attached … you shouldn’t be mad when it comes back on ya.  If ya did it … and told on it … own it!

SBM Fam … agreee?  Feel me? Any of you bloggers? Any of you dating bloggers? Did I miss the memo about the code?

– SBM aka The Open Book aka “I was drunk … it was out of town … I was single … it was before you. Don’t be mad love.”

From Our Partners

  • http://www.twitter.com/ludacrys LudaCrys

    I have a blog as well and since it is open and public I share it with my S.O. Its nice if he reads it but in the end, its for me, so whatever. I don't think I would mind if he asks me any questions about it, but I guess that's because I'm not writing it to put a lot of my business out there. It's more opinions on things and whatnot and its mostly stuff we've talked about before anyway.

    I did have a private blog before and the person I was dating at the time could read it but I had a rule that he couldn't ask me about it unless I brought it up because that blog was more like a diary. Since we were completely open with each other I wanted him to know what was going on with me, even though most of it was stuff I didn't wanna talk about, but just get out of my head. I know that sounds a little weird, but the blog worked better than a diary because I could write it anywhere (at school, with my phone…) and password protect it and eventually I didn't need the blog anymore because he was filling its purpose.

  • http://www.sableverity.com Sable Verity

    I agree (when do I not) with the fact that it is tricky. I'm a blogger. I also do not blog under my real name. Those that need to know, know, and those that don't well, yeah. I do more social commentary stuff, and not relationships or past experiences, but I do write some pretty heavy and personal stuff- and I think long and hard about it before I post it because I know someone is going to say something- they always do.

    Anything I write about relationships or sex goes on a completely different blog that as far as anyone HERE is concerned- doesn't exist, lol! Those are posts I don't want to talk about, I just want to express- that's it.

    To the guy dating the blogger, I'd say pick and choose what you want to talk about very carefully. Be smart enough to know the difference between curiosity, confirmation and asking questions you REALLY don't want the answers to. You're not just any 'ol reader, you're her man- there's a difference.

    As a side note, I know couples who have fb accounts (married and dating) who basically tell their spouse/SO not to get ask or get confrontational about whatever they post, particularly the status updates which people use to express how they are feeling about someone or something. We've allll seen those status updates; the wife is in the kitchen, posting "I feel like crying" and the husband is in his den looking at fb like "wtf?! I'm 50 feet away, come say it to my face!"

  • http://accordingtotcb.com only1tcb

    This is a really interesting situation. In the boyfriend's defense,the information is on the web for the entire world to read; so it seems that anything posted would be fair game in terms of discussion topics. However, in the blogger's defense; she probably uses her blog as a platform to vent and express topics that she does not actually want to discuss in real life.

    This is going to sound decitful, but he should comment on her blog with his questions. Under a different name, of course. As a new blogger myself, I'm sure she would be delighted with the traffic and sometimes it's just easier to share details with strangers. You know, folks that ain't gonna throw things back in your face at some point down the line. Besides, just because you post something on your blog, that does not mean the subject is open for discussion in real life.

    So I think, I have to side with the blogger. Don't be asking me about stuff I posted if I did not bring it up myself. On a side note, I'm thinking maybe I should remove my pictures from my blog. Didn't really think about the job thing…plus I might find that I'll speak a little more freely if the world can't tie Only1tcb to Tiffany. Hey, I might wanna run for Congress one day and I don't need folks knowing who I let hit it, how many times, and in what positions.

    Just my $0.02.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      "This is going to sound decitful, but he should comment on her blog with his questions. Under a different name, of course. As a new blogger myself, I’m sure she would be delighted with the traffic and sometimes it’s just easier to share details with strangers"

      That's a good idea and it makes perfect sense.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      "On a side note, I’m thinking maybe I should remove my pictures from my blog. Didn’t really think about the job thing…plus I might find that I’ll speak a little more freely if the world can’t tie Only1tcb to Tiffany. Hey, I might wanna run for Congress one day and I don’t need folks knowing who I let hit it, how many times, and in what positions."

      And exactly. lol. That is why I've taken my face off the blog… (but I think about two posts still have pictures of me)

    • Dirty Money

      Ok only1tcb,

      So if you open him up to your blog, then you don't want him asking you questions about it?

      • http://accordingtotcb.com Only1tcb

        Maybe, maybe not. I suppose it depends on the topic. All I'm saying is don't be trying to hem me up about the things that I post.

        But on the real, I don't know that I would have told him about the blog to begin with. I mentioned to a guy that I had a blog and now I'm all paranoid that he's going to find out what I've said about him.

  • http://blackgirlunlost.blogspot.com Jubilance

    My blog isn't something I hide. When I start dating a guy, at some point early on he'll hear something about it, but I don't make a big production about telling him. I do warn him that he may end up in it (I use initials only to avoid putting folks out there), and also that if he reads it, it can't get upset over what's in there. I've never censored my blog for anyone, so I'm not gonna start just cause I'm dating a new guy. Overall it hasn't been an issue for me.

    • Dirty Money

      I feel you Jubilance. Tell the guy exactly what it is and what it means to you before you open him up to it. Don't just say I blog and then them him out there to run wild with it. I agree with letting him know what he may see on the site. Because to just assume he will read post from the current day you tell him about forward is false. He may go back weeks or months and read.

  • Miss Alaska

    Well I happened to discover this very blog site because of a guy I know who was blogging about me…yes on here..
    He didn't use my real name- but it was obvious to me that he was talking about me- and anyone who know both of us personally would be able to figure out pretty quickly that I was a main character in his fantasy blog writings.
    He described intimate things- and most of what was written was complete lies or at the very most partial truths.
    He painted a very untrue and disgusting picture of who I was- and ultimately disrespected me. He used to brag about his blogging to me- telling me how he posted for people on this blog about me and other women he dated and then would give me his version of the responses. Of course he refused to tell me the name of the site but I figured it out.

    He's got some serious issues- and I think he wanted everyone to believe the story he was crafting about who he was- even at the expense of others' reputations.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with blogging per se- but I do think that one's comments should be proofed/read over before being posted. Especially when they involve other people- and have the potential to be discovered by a person who is being characterized.

    Funny thing is- after discovering his blog and feeling repelled- I actually began to enjoy reading the topics each day. This is a pretty good site- and I think the majority of people who post on here are good decent and honest- not to mention funny as hell.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      Miss Alaska- I know exactly who you are referring to because your name is so familiar….

      That is a really sucky thing he did.. I hope no one figures out that it's you because NO ONE wants their personal business out in the virtual world- especially when you have no control over it.

      • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

        Yeah, I know exactly who Miss Alaska is talking about, too.

        He used to be a "colorful" commenter around here…

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slim Jackson

      I am so glad this is not me you're talking about. Granted, I suspect I do know who you're referencing. This is a lesson in why people need to be careful in these e-streets.

      • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

        One clue: He hasn't been around here in a looooooong time. And he came back and told us he was MARRIED now.

        • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetztalk

          snitch. lol

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          LMAO!!!! Her name said it all.

        • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetztalk

          whatever u say leggs..loll

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      Just want everyone to know … she is not talking about me or any of the writers. This was someone who used to write "blogs" in the comments.

      I won't name any names though … but a couple of us were around back then.

      • Miss Alaska

        Yes, I will concur- it is not SBM…and yes .the un-named is "married" now and was one of the bloggers who used to rile people up on here…and I could tell you oh so many juicy stories about him that are just WRONG (even to this day)…but that's not me and I'm glad y'all get it.

  • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

    "Asking about random facts of the person past (unless this is a common theme) is sure to spark a bad taste in the other person mouth."

    This is my take of the situation.

    I don't feel as if writer needs to know specifics as in a date or a name…. what on earth is that helping?

    I think there is a fine line between being curious and just being nosey.

    • Dirty Money

      "I don’t feel as if writer needs to know specifics as in a date or a name…. what on earth is that helping"

      What is the hurting factor if he is not getting mad about it and just asking?

      • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

        Basically, and I apologize if this sounds rude, but it's none of your business. I don't think it's helping the situation at all.

        Say you met this ex guy one day out of happenstance, do you really want to have the image of what he did to your woman burned into your head?

        • Dirty Money

          Doesn't matter because more than likely he knows how he treated you to begin with.

          Not to be rude either but secondly why open him up to it in the first place if its NONE OF HIS BUSINESS (But Its The Bloggers Business) that she is friends with on facebook and other sites huh? I smell contradiction. If its that private then she should have kept it to herself. He didn't ask for it but she gave it anyway. So what comes from it is on her.

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          His business is what she wrote….. she shared her BLOG.

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

        I actually have to agree with nicki on this one. If the so is asking for a name, that is asking way too much information. No matter where the outlet, investigating into the actual names and dates of events is outside the bounds of acceptable, unless there was a really really good reason (she knew the guy, or was concerned i lied about something at the time)

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          THANK YOU. lol

  • Dirty Money

    My thing is said "She don't have a problem with him reading or asking" so why trip out after he has asked and say he is investigating her. It sounds like a conflict to me. I think if she opened him up to then she should have prefaced it by telling him not to ask or telling him some personal stuff would be on there.

    • Hugh Jazz

      I gotta agree with you DM. If it's your personal outlet and you don't want your significant other interrogating you about it, then for the love of greens and hamhocks, DON'T LET HIM READ IT! Why dangle the forbidden fruit in front of someone and then tell them not to touch it? It's like saying, "here's my diary with all my deepest and personal writings. You can read it, except page 37, don't read it and don't question me about it!"

      Obviously the thing he asked about is something she is particularly embarrassed or ashamed of in her past. But if she doesn't want to discuss it, then say, "I don't want to discuss it," and leave it at that. Her getting upset over him asking is the issue, not the fact that he asked or that she didn't want to divulge that information. She is wrong for getting mad; she is the one that said he could read her blog and their relationship is open.

  • Suki D.

    Speaking from personal experiences and also agreeing with everyone, don't put out any business you don't want to bite you in the ass later. Way too many "regret" moments :(

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    I would like to say that this situation is completely different when a man finds his girl's page and a woman finds her man's page.

    Also, i'm a firm believer in a stiff arm to the significant other when they find out. I've had it happen to me and I told them, "My blog(s) are my outlet to express myself. I need that. If you cannot understand that this is my outlet and you can't control that, then you shouldn't read it. But i'm not going to stop something that's very healthy for me."

    Nuff said.

    Happy Friday.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      I think this is a very good point too, Dr. J

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      See … I don't know how I feel about a public forum with your name and picture attached counts as a place to "vent" or express. I'm in full support of a diary or something that would be completely anon … but its like sitting on the corner on a soapbox and just crying and yelling out random things that are hurting you.

      Don't people have confidants anymore???

  • Smiley Face

    I can kinda see where the problem is and why she feels like he is investigating because he singled out that ONE situation instead of the whole blog. It could feel like he was 'picking' on her for it, like "what about this one situation has you going all private eye on me?"

    He contradicted himself also…if he doesn't care about what she blogs about why ask about 'a certain situation?' (he cares)

    I also feel like he feels likes she's lying (or at least not being completely honest) about something since what he asked about is sexual and since he says they have an open relationship and have discuss past sexual deeds why didn't he know about this one?

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      Very good points Smiley Face. 😉

  • funmsdrebirth

    I think it all depends on d way he asked her d questions. I have a personal anon blog but if I eventually get d right person and tell him about it, I'd ask him to respect my privacy and not ask too many question.

    She may not want to discuss past issues. My advice is not ask her directly, you can talk around it gently. The key is knowing how to ask without sounding all investigative

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slim Jackson

    Great effin topic. This will probably be one of my longer comments since I have a lot of experience in this area…

    I've dated 3 women (officially) since I started blogging. The first chick knew about it and accepted it for what it was. At that time it was just a lot of my personal thoughts and situations. She never really got mad at anything, but she would ask me about stuff to get a better understanding of how I felt.

    The 2nd chick was around when I was gettin' heavy into the blog game. My topics started gettin' deeper and more intense to a certain degree. She was not as understanding. She got jealous because of women replying to my posts and because she thought topics were about her when they really were not. We had arguments almost bi-weekly about my blogging. She told me that blogging was immature and a cry for attention. Needless to say, we aren't together and we don't speak. Though I suspsect she still occasionally reads my site.

    The 3rd chick I dated was a friend initially and has known about my writing from the jump. There was no surprise in her finding anything because she read everything and even actively comments and participates regularly. I've asked her on a couple occasions if I could write about a particular topic just as a precaution. There are other topics I have stayed away from because I knew there would be questions later.

    My thoughts are if you don't want questions from your S.O. about a topic, then don't write it. Coincidentally, I've never dated a blogger. I wonder what it's like on the other side…

    • Dirty Money

      "My thoughts are if you don’t want questions from your S.O. about a topic, then don’t write it. Coincidentally, I’ve never dated a blogger. I wonder what it’s like on the other side…"

      How do you feel about them looking at past stuff you wrote because you can't take that back? And then them asking you?

      • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slim Jackson

        I answer as best I can. I don't get mad. If they decided to explore, then they decided to explore. One thing I have told women is don't believe everything that's written. I disclose what's truth and what's an exaggeration. You can't have public blog that the world knows about and that you promote and not expect people to ask questions. I'm pretty selective about what I write about. I have maybe 1 post out there that would lead to an awkward conversation. I'd do my best to explain why I wrote it, without going into the specifics of the details.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

    my so reads my blog and i read hers as well. i used to blog about her when my blog wasn't public. now that it is public i don't blog about my personal life anymore. too many people who actually know me read my blog and i'm too private of a person for that.

  • http://[email protected] Shawn Smith

    hmmm,

    Hard to say where I stand on this one.

    Since I was outed by a fellow blogger……. and had to rethink everything I write it can be good and it can be bad.

    The good: Your current boo knows what you have done and how the ones before him/her messed up. They can see patterns and points in your life and it makes it simpler and easier when discussing things about your past.

    The bad: If you are all the way out (pictures, names, places) and you think it's fine to have your stuff out, but your boo doesn't feel the same, then what do you do?

    I ran into that situation. Being as descriptive as I am with my life, I still had some anonymity, until I described one account so well that there was a person actually there that recognized it. I had not problem being found out. Not like I was trying to really impress anyone, but I had revealed some bad habits of the person that I was seeing and now all of her friends found out.

    We sat down and talked about the blog. People told me that I should have hidden it from her and shut it down, but I didn't. I felt that if I was open about it before her, then I should still be open about it with her. Hell, her friends knew about me, so why shouldn't she.

    I extended the option for her to read it. She eventually started to read it but then stopped (so she says) so that we have more things to just talk about instead of just using a reference from the blog.

    I think dating a blogger is situational. Dating a blogger is like knowing someone's sexual number right off the bat. Either you can choose to deal with it or not.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      You do be putting a lot on your site … and i could see how someone would identify themselves on your site. It's good that you are open about it though and let her read. I remember when you had one girl actually write a letter to your fans.

  • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetztalk

    This is an excellent post.

    On one hand, your word is your bond. So whatever you write you OWN. You determine how open you are with expression, so follow-up questions to your blog are fair game. I have MANY situations that I could blog about, but don't because my secret identity is publically known to friends and associates, lol, and I want to avoid certain conflicts that would arise from my digital ether. So I use discretion when posting about certain topics.

    The SBM crew can cosign that I've had to get off the ledge be4 pressing send on some incindiery posts. At the same time, no one wants to be cross examined for things they have done or written about. I think like Slim said, they should be answered to the best of your ability. If you know you are dealing with an insecure woman or someone who's judgemental, then either put the blog questions off limits or get rid of them.

  • http://www.twitter.com/msnyela Nyela Goodness

    This is a great response, SBM! I happen to date a blogger as well. Thankfully, I know most things about his history and don't have much to question. My thing is (and I've discussed this with him), I shouldn't learn anything new about him or a situation, through one of his posts. You hit the nail right on the head when you said:

    A key component to any good relationship is trust and transparency. Not only should I be able to trust someone enough to tell them my secrets and let them into my life, and I should also want to share with them more and more about me.

    If you can blog about it—and let the world see—you can talk about it. If you're not ready to talk about it with me, give me the decency of not posting it to a world of strangers, beforehand.

  • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

    Stay tuned to SSSO on Monday for the entire story. (not just his side).

  • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

    Humh. Even if you write anon with no picture, you can be found. I see no need in advertising my blog to a new guy. But once we're 'together' I don't see anything wrong with him knowing, reading, and commenting. None have ever commented but they have asked follow up questions. I do give them the address with a warning that I don't believe everything I write and I do adjust some stories to protect the guilty.

    Did dude ever think that maybe his girlfriend was just having a bad day?

  • http://www.twitter.com/msnyela Nyela Goodness

    Can I switch gears for a moment? And this will be a loaded question (maybe someone can blog about it): For those of you who blog, how big of a deal is it to mention or not mention your boo out in the blogosphere? Is it something you think about? I don't mean dedicating a whole post to them or anything, just happenstance. For the dudes, specifically, do you think it tarnishes your image/effects your readership to share that you have a boo? I guess I could ask the women, too…does your view of the writer change just because he's boo'd up? Would you admit it if it did?lol

    Hrmm…sorry SBM…maybe I shoulda put this in the mail bag.lol

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      Initially, I didn't want to do it… I thought it would add drama to our relationship… it was like having too many people in our mix.

      Now, I've done it.. and it's not such a big deal. I feel close enough to those that I talk to on a regular…. and we control what we talk about and what we don't.

      I use my blog family to offer insight, like conflict resolution.

    • http://writtenrebel.blogspot.com/ Tiffany Nicole

      I feel Nikki on this one. I mean at first I was a little leary about talking about him, but now I'm over time. I stand by evey word I say, even the unpretty ones. What I say on my blog is no new news. I say the same stuff to my girls or to him during conversation.

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      I'm public as my prsona may be, I'm a private person. Hell, I use my avatar to represent me 95% of the time. It doesn't hurt that it looks remarkably like me.

      But I never talk about my relationship on my blog. One, it's not relevant to the brand I've created and 2. I'm just not an open person. I don't like talking about ME essentially. And it means HE's off limits.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      Your fine … you wouldn't have made it on the site anyway … jk

      I have a lot of thoughts on this one actually. Personally I would prefer not do it, and I think it could potentially hurt the hopes and dreams of a few (a small few), but I only think its fair to the other person to put it out there. A whole post about it would be a lot, but I don't shy away from mentioning it on the site and on twitter.

  • CPT Callamity

    I used to blog back in the Myspace golden age but have since retired it. Now I devote myself to commenting on other folks' blog. Yes, I'm that lazy. As far as dating a blogger, I plead the fif.

    One thing is for sure, I am very careful with the type of info I divulge on these things. Although CC is quite anonymous except to maybe one or two people, I try not to put out any easily identifiable things about me or the people I deal with. I'm just secretive like that.

  • http://dcdatingadventures.blogspot.com DC Diva

    I didn't read all the comments, but well. The name is in my blog. My Dating Adventures. The difference with mine is I'm pretty anonymous. (although I've been propositioned by other bloggers 😉 )

    In anycase. I tell guys (ok, like 3) I have a blog and I'm going to or have blogged about them. Really, just my close guy friend(s) and my current undefined "buddy" Mr. Henry.

    In anycase I think once I decide to get into a SERIOUS (with all caps) I will re-think about putting all of my exploits and info out there (maybe)

    Honestly, when I first started blogging, I wasn't sure about what I would/wouldn't say, how long it would last, or how much I would grow to love it.

    I think it's just a small part of me though. Just like with any other aspect of my life. Blogging doesn't define me, so if I'm Serious with someone and he wants to read it…. I may just tell him

    In anycase SBM, great post. Food for thought, definitely…

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      Yeah … blogs that chronicle dating I've always thought are hard and kind of tricky. For me, the site is less about my specific exploits, but I could only imagine you blogging about someone (e.g. The Old Man), and then things actually work out and you become serious. Then you there is a chance they might go and read stuff about them.

      I couldn't do it.

  • http://www.max-logic.com max

    SBM i think you said it best – If ya did it … and told on it … own it! i think that holds true for blogging and life. if you're not ashamed of what you've done then you shouldn't really have a problem talking about it with your partner.

    i've touched on this topic briefly on my own blog because i am very open about my experiences on there and do feel like it could lead to touchy situations if i was dating. the only issue i've ever really had was when the one and only white man i ever dated mentioned that he had read my post called 'why i don't date white guys'. it was awkward, but more than anything i was happy that he took the time to read my blog and that he actually asked me about the post rather than drawing his own effed up conclusions.

    It wouldn't bother me if the person i was dating asked me about the content of my blog – provided that the intention was to gain understanding. If he is judging me, or getting jealous or upset about something i did that pre-dated him and had nothing to do with him, i would be annoyed. and then i would blog about it. LOL

  • http://aisha08.wordpress.com Your Favorite Lawyer

    well I blog, and the guy I'm dating blogs too – I expect him to read everything I write & he expects me to read what he writes as well. Our online personalities are large components of who we are. You Jeffy work in IT/computers, etc… So spending hours pounding at your keyboard doesn't look odd. But I'm a trial attorney – I don't need to write that often. I want to be able to comfortably tell my guy that I am working on a piece and that I need some time to think & execute it. Then when I write it, if he doesn't comment – I quiz him on what I wrote because what I write is special to me. If you care about me, shouldn't you care about what I write as well? I think a blogger should be upfront about their online personality, what they blog about, and define rules. I never write about relationships b/c that is just not my steez – but if I do, I don't want to have to hide it & write under a pseudonym!

  • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

    I agree with Slim entirely. The best thing to do IN MY OPINION is to not make it deeply personal–if so people are gonna ask questions, of course you don't have to answer them but you should expect them to be asked. Also, if your behavior online is something that you feel you have to hide, you probably shouldnt be doing it/writing it–in a public site I mean, if its private/password protected I guess thats different. I have a real book bound journal that I write in when I need to get something out of me–no its not as convenient as a blog that I can write it anywhere but guess what? nobody reads it but me and nobody asks me "what did you mean by.." either…

    • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetztalk

      "I have a real book bound journal that I write in when I need to get something out of me"

      Pause.

      • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

        shut up. LOL

  • http://writtenrebel.blogspot.com/ Tiffany Nicole

    ummmm as a put my thinking man pose on…like someone mentioned earlier, can't remember who, this gal must be using her blog as a means of "getting ish off her chest." It's two different things to have a conversation face to face and then have it over the internet where you dont have to worry about the judgmental looks or questions. Maybe she wants to be Dr. Jekle and Mrs. Hyde….

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      Is writing on the internet really not judgmental? Even with my "secret identity" I get judged plenty, and it doesn't really matter if I see "[my gov't] is an a**" or "SBM is an a**" … bothers me just the same.

  • Ash Elle Aye

    I'm really tempted to post a response to this or something similar on my blog….

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      Go ahead … and link back to us. Keep the party goin …

      • Ash Elle Aye

        Will do. Gimme a few hours.

        • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

          You got 2 … lol

  • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

    If this topic was my boo, I'd blog about how I cooked it dinner and did legendary Ho-Sh*t to it afterwards. THAT is how awesome it was. Kudos, SBM.

    I'm a blogger but I'm not with a blogger. But for me, this issue never comes up since I don't blog about my relationship (or maybe lack thereof? Hmmm… will leave that answer in the air). BUT, I will say that I agree w/ SBM's advice. If you write it and he sees it, you shouldn't get mad at follow up questions. IF you don't wanna answer, then don't, but to get all up in arms? NAW PLAYA. SADDOWN! All's Fair in Blog & War.

    Oh and once again. If this blog was a blogger and I was its non-blogging boo, I'd tell all my friends to go read it b/c my man did me proud. YESSSSS!!!

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

      Cook it dinner and do ho-sh*t afterward … LMAO.

      Aww man … glad you enjoyed it.

      • http://www.streetztalk.net streetztalk

        LMAO Classic!

  • http://gracemclory.com Grace McLory

    Cool blog post, what a love story 😛

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org SBM

    I forgot to mention … apparently my dedication to blogging sparked my S.O. to blog herself. First it started with a blog (which she tried to hide from me) which talked a lot about me and her feelings toward me. Then after laying that to rest, she wanted to write for SBM.net … which she has (I'll never tell which ones).

    So … I've seen blogging from the other end, and while I do respect you wanting to "vent" … I do think I should be able to bring up in convo anything that was written … I mean … come on.

  • http://nvfreckles.blogspot.com/ Freckles

    Well, I read as much as I could read until it went back and forth and over my head. I personally have a blog and I have a picture silouetter of myself. Most of my blogs are me directly or of situations. I am honest and always attempt to reframe from using names. I like to protect the innocenteloy guilty but really it is never really neccessary. As for inquiring about your S.O. postings – be careful. Is it a neccessary inquiry on your part? Do you really have a make or break moment behind words of the past? Are your securities in check? Just curious.

    I dont generally go into detail about any of my sexcapades but I have hinted about my desires without being too tacky. however I have nothing to hide. I do have a couple of friends that read my blog or past acquaintances/ potential applicants. They tend to email me on the side and inquire if I was referencing them or that random text messages. I do not give into that conversation because it is not neccessary.

  • AP_

    I'm a blogger, and I'd be annoyed if a guy was grilling me about anything I write on my ish. Slow your roll, partna.

  • http://www.theloudestpenever.com LoudPen

    Whew, as others have said this was an awesome post! I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I don't even know where to start. When I first started my blog, it was out of oure boredom. I would just write random posts and email it to friends. But, a few months ago, I began to get really serious about it. So, I started promoting the blog more and also around this time I started doing more personal posts. As a matter of fact, I know a family member or two might confront me about a particular post but, I don't wanna take it down. In some ways, I'd rather have the person confront me after reading the posts because, I write better than I speak.

    As far as a SO reading my blog, I don't have one to read it. But, I guess this post taught me that I better watch what I say if I don't want to be asked about it later. However, I don't know if that's enough to make me stop doing it. Also, I've recently been getting concerned about my parents and older family members seeing the blog cause I sometimes drop a curse word and I know how conservative they are. And I forgot about my video posts, those are my real face and the blog is linked to my real name via LinkedIn. So, I guess I'm saying….yea I blogged it…it is what is. After I say that I'll tell em why I blogged it.

  • ANONYMOUS

    my take. if u must know, do ur investigations,dont expect me to make it all easy for u at the expense of my being hurt and uncomfortable.

  • ANONYMOUS

    BLOGGING ALSO FOR COUPLES COULD BE THERAPEUTIC.SOME THINGS U CANT ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT WITH UR S.O FOR WHATEVA REASONS MAY JUST BE READ BY HIM AND MAKE HIM KNOW HOW U FEEL ABOUT A PARTICULAR ISSUE.AND VICE VERSA.