Comments on: One Night Only http://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/ The Source For Black Male Perspective Thu, 09 Feb 2012 17:42:18 +0000 hourly 1 By: LadyBhttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-49274 LadyB Tue, 05 Jan 2010 01:48:34 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-49274 same here same here

]]> By: Southern Buku to Youhttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42812 Southern Buku to You Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:17:39 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42812 I would agree. Its funny that society calls it a double standard, but the standard is held by both sides, and both sides deem it wrong. So if both sides says its the wrong thing to do, why is everyone doing it? Is it unofficially ok? I would agree. Its funny that society calls it a double standard, but the standard is held by both sides, and both sides deem it wrong. So if both sides says its the wrong thing to do, why is everyone doing it? Is it unofficially ok?

]]> By: Sevenhttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42753 Seven Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:35:13 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42753 I do both...me...as well as the "relationship". I choose to be in "relationships" with unavailable men all of the time. Either emotionally, physically (ie.another state or country) or sometimes both. And these "relationships" last for years at a time. Tiffany you're correct...there's a lot more to my cheating issue...what that is I'm afraid I have no answer. yet. The good news is that as far as any of them ever knew/know...I was/am a "good girl". Oh and when i say cheat it's in this scenario: I have someone that I'm dating supposedly exclusively that lives in another state...and meanwhile I have ONE man that I infrequently go to for sex. Perhaps I justify that behavior with thinking my SO must be doing the same thing given the great distance between us. I don't know. I do both…me…as well as the "relationship". I choose to be in "relationships" with unavailable men all of the time. Either emotionally, physically (ie.another state or country) or sometimes both. And these "relationships" last for years at a time. Tiffany you're correct…there's a lot more to my cheating issue…what that is I'm afraid I have no answer. yet. The good news is that as far as any of them ever knew/know…I was/am a "good girl". Oh and when i say cheat it's in this scenario: I have someone that I'm dating supposedly exclusively that lives in another state…and meanwhile I have ONE man that I infrequently go to for sex. Perhaps I justify that behavior with thinking my SO must be doing the same thing given the great distance between us. I don't know.

]]> By: msapplebumhttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42750 msapplebum Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:21:36 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42750 "I have been angry enough with my SO but cheating has never been an option" ...and that's probably why it has never happened. that's how i feel about cheating (and everything else we choose to do)... if it's an option, it's always possible. "I have been angry enough with my SO but cheating has never been an option"

…and that's probably why it has never happened. that's how i feel about cheating (and everything else we choose to do)… if it's an option, it's always possible.

]]> By: Reeciehttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42748 Reecie Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:15:58 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42748 I agree entirely with your opinion--people spend too much time trying to dig deep into the whys "for men its physical, women its emotional" blah blah blah. it can be either one for either gender, but for ALL its a choice. I agree entirely with your opinion–people spend too much time trying to dig deep into the whys "for men its physical, women its emotional" blah blah blah. it can be either one for either gender, but for ALL its a choice.

]]> By: msapplebumhttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42746 msapplebum Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:01:15 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42746 your posts are clearly making me people consider different issues - but whether they're bringing out the truth? eh... i dare people to consider that its actually not that complicated. people cheat because they CAN. if any of us refused to allow that possibility, it would not happen. before the actual act of cheating - before one becomes a "liar and a cheat" - he or she is simply "open" to that possibility; one which we all are capable of, but one we do not all have to fall to. a girl f*cks another dude not merely because she wants to, but because she allows it to happen (and sometimes even seeks it). like everything else in life, cheating is a choice. and its not that complicated. (in my opinion...) your posts are clearly making me people consider different issues – but whether they're bringing out the truth? eh… i dare people to consider that its actually not that complicated. people cheat because they CAN. if any of us refused to allow that possibility, it would not happen. before the actual act of cheating – before one becomes a "liar and a cheat" – he or she is simply "open" to that possibility; one which we all are capable of, but one we do not all have to fall to. a girl f*cks another dude not merely because she wants to, but because she allows it to happen (and sometimes even seeks it). like everything else in life, cheating is a choice. and its not that complicated. (in my opinion…)

]]> By: hidingmyname4this1http://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42669 hidingmyname4this1 Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:31:14 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42669 No. Basically I told him from the beginning that I was cool with us "dating" other people, but not sleeping with other people. He was cool with it for a while, but after a few months (presumably when some new nootsie was presented as an option), he decided he couldn't agree to those terms. I now see the error in my thinking. For me, as a woman, I can "date" 10 men and not have sex with any of them. So this was an ideal set up for me. For him, dating = sex and sexually exclusive = exclusively dating. So that was the end of that. I couldn't understand how he would even <i>want</i> to have sex with multiple people, until my girl pointed out the penetration factor. But I definitely respect dude's honesty. He coulda just lied and did me dirty. No. Basically I told him from the beginning that I was cool with us "dating" other people, but not sleeping with other people. He was cool with it for a while, but after a few months (presumably when some new nootsie was presented as an option), he decided he couldn't agree to those terms. I now see the error in my thinking. For me, as a woman, I can "date" 10 men and not have sex with any of them. So this was an ideal set up for me. For him, dating = sex and sexually exclusive = exclusively dating. So that was the end of that. I couldn't understand how he would even want to have sex with multiple people, until my girl pointed out the penetration factor. But I definitely respect dude's honesty. He coulda just lied and did me dirty.

]]> By: Anna N.http://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42668 Anna N. Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:19:46 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42668 Cheekz, you bring up some good points. And maybe I see things a bit differently because I've crossed the 30 line. In age, not partners, lol. Here's where I come from on this: I don't believe a one night stand makes a woman a whore. If every night is a one night stand? Side eye. Do I think sexual standards are the same for men and women? No, and I wouldn't want it to be. But occassionally, women need to get their nut off, too. Otherwise we become that mean, sour woman that everyone in the office or class whispers should "get her some for the sake of us all." I guess what bothers me about this is the commitment level. So the woman you're with is the best thing since sliced bread until some other dude tells you she isn't? That makes me wonder how deep your feelings were in the first place. If I'm walking down the street with my SO and some woman jumps out and tries to call him out, guess what? I'ma smash that heffa in the face first and ask questions later. I don't care if she's right or not. She's a threat to my man, I love him, end of (her) story. I fall hard - if you've passed all the tests to get to my heart, nothing but YOU can get you out of it. Perhaps I'm wrong to expect the same, but I do. Ionno - maybe this is just a gender thing. I'm just flashing back to all of the women I've seen fight tigers for the (sometimes totally not worth it) men they love, and the men are like, "You saw her with an eye boogie one time? Ah hell naw, it's over!" lol! Cheekz, you bring up some good points. And maybe I see things a bit differently because I've crossed the 30 line. In age, not partners, lol. Here's where I come from on this: I don't believe a one night stand makes a woman a whore. If every night is a one night stand? Side eye. Do I think sexual standards are the same for men and women? No, and I wouldn't want it to be. But occassionally, women need to get their nut off, too. Otherwise we become that mean, sour woman that everyone in the office or class whispers should "get her some for the sake of us all."

I guess what bothers me about this is the commitment level. So the woman you're with is the best thing since sliced bread until some other dude tells you she isn't? That makes me wonder how deep your feelings were in the first place.

If I'm walking down the street with my SO and some woman jumps out and tries to call him out, guess what? I'ma smash that heffa in the face first and ask questions later. I don't care if she's right or not. She's a threat to my man, I love him, end of (her) story. I fall hard – if you've passed all the tests to get to my heart, nothing but YOU can get you out of it. Perhaps I'm wrong to expect the same, but I do.

Ionno – maybe this is just a gender thing. I'm just flashing back to all of the women I've seen fight tigers for the (sometimes totally not worth it) men they love, and the men are like, "You saw her with an eye boogie one time? Ah hell naw, it's over!" lol!

]]> By: Tritiahttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42667 Tritia Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:17:18 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42667 Ok, this I don't get. Now I fully understand the penetration factor, however.... So dude is cool with sexing you while being aware that y'all are not being sexually exclusive with one another, but as soon as you let him know you don't wanna sex others anymore, he ain't wit' it?!?! If that ain't ass-backwards then I don't know what is!! Shed some light on me.... Ok, this I don't get. Now I fully understand the penetration factor, however….

So dude is cool with sexing you while being aware that y'all are not being sexually exclusive with one another, but as soon as you let him know you don't wanna sex others anymore, he ain't wit' it?!?! If that ain't ass-backwards then I don't know what is!!

Shed some light on me….

]]> By: Reeciehttp://www.singleblackmale.org/2009/10/22/one-night-only/#comment-42660 Reecie Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:57:03 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/?p=2641#comment-42660 I feel like you virtually patted me on the head when typing that, but thanks. lol I feel like you virtually patted me on the head when typing that, but thanks. lol

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