This is a post I wrote a long long time ago (over a year). Its funny how much I changed in that short time. I guess that how it goes when your “young” and still open to change n sh*. Because people have still been commenting on the original, I decided to add in my new thoughts after each point. Enjoy … again.
Also, if any of you have noticed that I’m not on twitter as much, I don’t comment as much, and I haven’t been responding to emails … well … I’m applying to business school right now. I sweat bullets every night, and my job has been getting overly stressful. I promise to keep giving it to you proper on the regular, but I’m no superman, except in bed.
8. She won’t share her “Magic Number” (how many people she f*cked)
I know not everyone agrees with this, and I know there are a couple of readers who disagree … but if the girl your serious with is just adamant about not sharing … you might want to take a double take. And I know I’m going to catch hell for this one, but I just feel like what do you have to hide? If its not that high, or not that bad … then she would say something.
I know this has always been a sore topic for a lot of folks, but I still strongly believe that this is a key piece of information to be shared. If you trust me, you should own up to it and know that your more than a number. It’s yours … so own up to it. I tell any and every girl who asks. If you get dodgy when the subject comes up … well I got a label right here for ya!
7. She gets in every club for free and knows every promoter
She could be a friendly person. She could just be well connected. She could just have a very good promoter friend … or … she could be f*cking (or have f*cked) every single one of them. I only say this one because I knew a girl sleeping her way through every line.
OK … so sure there are a lot of just really social people, but it was a female who put this one in my head. Apparently her friend always had the “hook-up” to any spot in DC. I will say this one can be striken.
6. There is a password lock on her phone
The guys I know who lock their phones are whores (no offense). The last girl I messed with who had an automatic lock on her phone was a little more promiscous than she led on intially. Could be just me … but I don’t trust it!
Again … maybe I’m being “extra” … but I still believe in this one. She might not be a hoe … but she is sure hiding something and doesn’t trust you.
5. She keeps condoms and KY in her purse
Condoms in the purse isn’t the worst thing nowadays. I personally like a girl who at leasts keeps condoms where she lives because it shows she treats safe sex just as importantly as I do. Keeping condoms in your purse would make me think twice, but I wouldn’t double take or anything. If you had condoms and a pack of KY jelly or astroglide … well … you came prepared to do something serious … and prolly do it a lot.
After having defined freak vs. ho … this falls into the freak category. Condoms in the purse is somewhat questionably, but not really. The added lube just lets you know you found a keeper.
4. She keeps Pregnancy Tests at her place
Uh … why else would she keep tests like this at her apartment/house/shack unless she was f*cking so much … you just could “never know”! If you see more than one … you know whats up!
Uhhh … yeah … still holds true.
3. She says “blah blah blah … when are we gonna f*ck” … on the first date
Maybe she really really likes you. Maybe your just the ying to her yang and she can’t wait to connect. Maybe she knows that sleeping with you on the first date is a good way to start a relationship (HA!). Or maybe … she’s a hoe!
I understand all this “Doin me” nonsense and s*xual impowerment bull shiggity … but if you coming at guys that hard that soon … your a hoe. As much as I like something easy, and as lazy as I am … Pac said it best “I don’t mean to sound sleazy but tease me, I don’t want to hit the sack easy.”
2. She kindly says “that was an hour and will be $120″ after the deed.
Do I really need to explain this one??? Sure, maybe she just wants some cab money back home and thinks you should front the bill. Who knows … maybe she kept the time just to let you know how long you lasted. Who knows …
Lol … man I was having fun with this list. Yeah … pretty sure taking money upon delivery of “the bidness” make you a certified hoe.
1. Your friend says … “that girls a hoe”
This is proabably the biggest one. If your friend, and I mean a good friend, tells you your girl is a hoe, you basically have to believe him. She is going to say some stupid stuff like “Don’t you trust me” or “He’s just jealous because he tried to get with me” … but don’t believe that bullsh*t. Guys aren’t like “others”. We don’t bicker, backstab, and make up random lies … he probably has your best interests at heart.
Can’t no amount of time pass before I go against the boys. Well, except for that one hatin ass reggin in the group that you only keep around because he has good weed the hook up at the club. Don’t trust that reggin.
As I have said before, and still holds true … I’m not perfect. I miss stuff, I joke to much, and I’m opinionated. Help me … help them … and add your own criteria in the comments. You know what makes a hoe a hoe (besides them DSLs) … so go ahead and air em out!
– SBM aka Still your favorite simp slayer aka Mr. “I don’t love them hoes”