I was perusing through the Skritbit reader suggestion box in quest of a topic to write about for today. As some of you may know, I’ve temporarily put my other site (Three Ways to Take It) on hiatus. The brain has been weary and I been reaching for topics where I can sustain 500+ words and a good read for the viewers. So what better time to dig into the most asked about topics so that I can pacify the craving of our readers. With that said, as I was looking through topics I stumbled upon a question about where the places are to meet the good guys that want to be in a relationship. When I read this, I sat and thought real hard about what those places may be based on what I’ve seen and heard over the existence of my young life. I don’t claim to be any expert on how to find love (yet), but I can propose a few suggestions. And with that, let’s get into the good, the bad, and the ugly:
Lounges
Once most of us get to a certain age, we ain’t really tryin’ to do the clubs no mo’. We wanna get our grown and sexy on and go be sophisticated somewhere. This is where voyages to the local lounge come in handy for us. I’d venture to say that a good number of the men who frequent the lounges are at a different level of maturity. From what I hear from the women, that’s a big plus for yall. However, a more mature man could mean a more cloaked approach in talking you into losing your draws which you were probably going to do anyway. If you wanna start with men meeting some level of maturity and know what they want, the lounge may be a good spot. Just remember…well, nevermind. You’re gonna lose the draws anyway.
Mixers
As the young professionals out there know, mixers are where it’s at. Typically when you go to these things you already got sumthin’ in common with a lot of the people that are there. That’s a plus. The other thing is that more than likely you will find out what that person does, where they tryin’ to go, and how they plan to get there. That’s another plus. And lastly, you get to see them dressed up and that can say a lot about the personality. Unfortunately, some “people” go to these mixers looking for a long term relationship and just end up back in the sheets anyway only to wake up and have nothing other than a quiver.
Church
I feel like I had to say this. But since I’m here, I know a ton of women who say they need a man with some type of spirituality. With that being the case, you’ll find a man with at least that and some level of maturity. On the flip side, which I must state because my hands are telling me to do so, I think church is one of the places where the most people get got, and quite often people are not truly who they are the other 6 days of the week. You may find a good man there, but don’t let the devil fool ya.
Now it’d be no fun if I listed all the places to meet good men, so I’ma open it up to yall. Well, that and I realized I reached my personal word count quota. So for today, what do folks think are the places to meet the good men? For that matter, even the good women? Lastly, what do yall think about the spots I mentioned? Word.
If you’re lookin’ for a good man you should sit on my piece couch,
Strip Club. Yall chicks will find me there, and im a good negro!
0_o
I see your "0_o" and raise you a "O__________________o".
lol and SMH @ Streetz.
LMAOOOO im sayin..
I don't go to strip clubs…I'm imagining that stripers find good men there also???
Book stores– I've met some pretty cool guys in B&N. Plus, with the free wifi, a lot of people go there to work just so they can get out of the office. Well, I do…
Museums– Art, history, science, etc.
Community Service Event– It's the holiday season, so there are plenty of community service projects going around. I love a man who serves
methe community.I agree with both places especially comm. service…
I wish I could meet a guy in a bookstore… No joke, just the fact that he reads would be such an incentive to get to know him better…
good men are everywhere. walking down the street, in line at the ATM, running errands, grocery store, at the bar of your fav resty. if you see am attractive man, say hi, and go from there wherever he is. you'll meet more men that way than looking for them in a batch.
take this from a woman who actually meets black men for a living.
Good men are everywhere, but some folk aren't as skilled in identifying or attracting these men in every day scenarios. Might as well give those folks a starting point.
Yes indeed they are everywhere. Sometimes you just gotta smile and say hello!
I am not a native New Yorker, and I still have some southern-ish ways about me (polite greeting, smile, etc.) ….At first I felt awkward because New Yorkers are not mean, but are definitely a bit more reserved when it comes to strangers and interaction…
But then I realized that most people, especially men, appreciate it and find it refreshing. I'm not on some tell you my life story type stuff, but a sign of interest doesn't hurt. Grocery store, bar, elevator…wherever. A smile is free. Some guys just need the green light.
I've done the "oops, didn't mean to bump your shopping cart" once or twice…
I hate when women say this. I clearly have not mastered this art. UGH!!
I think it depends on what qualities you need to see to consider a guy a 'good man', but like N.I.A. naturally said book stores are good (especially if you like men who read) and so are community service events (is there anything sexier than a man who is willing to volunteer his time?).
Other spots that come to mind:
Home depot and other hardware stores – doesn't every woman want a man who is good with his hands?
Cooking classes – i know a few women who met some good dudes who were also real 'foodies' at cooking classes.
Sports Bars – this one works for women who are actually into sports. The few times I've tagged along with my British girlfriend to watch rugby or soccer (or more correctly pretend I was watching rugby or soccer instead of scoping the talent), i was astounded by the number of beautiful men in the place.
Gyms/Athletic clubs – if you're active and you want to find a man who is too, i think hitting the a gym is the easiest way to find a good, hard man
That's my two sense
"Gyms/Athletic clubs – if you’re active and you want to find a man who is too, i think hitting the a gym is the easiest way to find a good, hard man"
Pause.
Sports bars are popular for this. I wouldn't expect a shy girl to start here with this being a place where the men are paying more attention to the tv screens than her. But yeah, you can meet some cool peoples and what not.
LOLOL Huge pause!
I've been telling women for years (especially the ones not into sports): Take your arse to one of the bars during game day, wear a Jersey for your respective team, find a table, perhaps with a wingman (chick) and have fun! People are passionately yelling at the screens, talking ish, drinking beer and snacking on wings. In between plays and halftime you can mingle and talk with other patrons. Not a lot of pressure really…just people out enjoying themselves.
although your pause made me LMAO, you and i both no ain't no woman out here looking for a good, soft/limp/flaccid man.
"Gyms/Athletic clubs – if you’re active and you want to find a man who is too, i think hitting the a gym is the easiest way to find a good, hard man "
This is a good one. Avoid the grunters, though. *shudder*
LOL – classic, truly classic.
PET SHOPS. . . I don't know if this is a frequent thing, but I've met some nice guys looking for supplies for their dog/cat/fish/whatever pet they have. I guess this isn't a place you would exactly hang out at, but you might happen to just run into somebody every now and then. Plus, I've found that men who have pets are typically more caring and sensitive…The only caution is that he could be one of those people that love their pets more than you.
just a side note- when it comes to the sensitive thing, Michael Vick doesn't count
Meeting people online really is no different from going to a club. The only thing is you can narrow it down to a certain criteria and don't get to see the body language first hand.
Grad Parties!
<>
But seriously, you can find some great soon to be professionals back in school the second go around.
And I have never EVER done it… but my boys have met some really nice girls online. Sure the person could be a complete liar, atleast you have the numbers game going in your favor.
One of my girls found her current mate online..risky…but everyone is diff…
Summer BBQ's that are invite only (usually good relationship fodder there), house parties (thrown by college friends, not by the friends you grew up with… HUGE difference!). Sweet 16 parties that your college friends are now throwing for their children who dance with Alvin Ailey — oops that's for my teenage son to meet nice pretty black girls, not you guys! ha!).
oh yeah…what made you move to ATL? just curious….
Slim Jackson and SBM aren't the same person…
oh…ok…thx…
I have to disagree with the gym. I've met the worst men there, and if you're like me and you go there to destress, it messes up your "me time," when you start to worry about who's there and who's looking at you etc. After going out with a few guys from my gym and a trainer, I had to switch gyms!
I think it depends on your location. As a New Yorker, if your in the city, the man that picks up my lesson plan book that fell outside of Starbucks may be a "good man". If you are in a college town (Oh Sweet Binghamton)…hmm…
1. College: Boys turned into men are persevering towards greatness, join the struggle and achieve greatness together =)
2. Wine Tasting: I like wine…you like wine…its something that we are both interested in…hey, you could be "good" for me
3. YOUNG BLACK PROFESSIONALS IN NYC: There are these events for black singles ALL of the time. Greek or not…attend them if you really want to find a good man..I have friends that have attended these events and have found the "educated young black professional" that they are looking for. Its a mixed age group. I'm 22 so I stay my ass at home trying to get that 4.0 my first semester of Grad school…but hey thats me…
4. Comm. Service: This has already been mentioned. But I love serving the community, and if he does too, those are some extra points… =)
Sweet Binghamton? Hmm, sounds like you were about 40 minutes down the road from where I went to school (Ithaca, NY).
=)
Humh. Where do I meet men??
I agree with lounges, but not on Fridays and Saturdays. Those nights bring a certain element. Men who are really grown are out on Tues, Wed, and Thurs because they aren't chained to an office the next morning. In other words, they are high enough on the totem pole that they aren't expected to be at a 9 o'clock meeting. How does this relate to dating? Often, responsible men don't want to get into real-real relationships until their finances are in order. Men higher on the totem pole are more likely to have finances in order.
Target. It wasn't always this way. Years ago a frociate of mine went with me one Saturday morning. He couldn't believe his eyes. This was where all the attractive women were. They were sober. They weren't all made up. They were easy going and easy to approach. In the last few years, other men have noticed this and are at the Target like it's the cuter first cousin of Home Depot.
Wine Stores/Wine Tastings. Grown up men like wine. Even if you don't know anything about wine, trust me, men are willing to teach you (translation: talk a hole in your head about the various tastes).
I think something is missing though. In this discussion (I only skimmed) has anyone mentioned that to meet and keep a good man, you sincerely have to be a good woman. Even if you go to all these places and meet dozens of men, if she's not 'good' by any of those guys' definition, she'll still be alone.
what constitutes a "good" woman? you can "front" like you're good long enough to get down the aisle and still be slick with yours. you're getting too deep….
Ask any man what constitutes a good woman and if he decides to tell you the truth it certainly won't be about "fronting" or being slick. "Too deep" your right. That's what most people say when its over their heads or they want a quick, cheap, immediate response.
Ms. Smart just keep doing what your doing. Some men like hearing a woman who makes sense and all of us can stand to do a little growing.
oh please gregbfree, i was only playing around…i've been happily married for 17 years…i was going for the quick cheap immediate response though, you at least have that much correct.
maybe you and ms. smart should get together!
Gosh. Is our affair THAT obvious? Just kidding. I'ont even know gregbfree.
I find it depends on the man you ask. And I also believe his answer will change based on his station in life–just as a lot of women have changed their definitions from when they were 18, to when they are 28, to when they are 38.
Hey at least you didn't say Walmart. The scum of the Earth frequents that place. Target I agree.
Here's a few more hints:
A bar where there is a pool table: Pool is one of those games where you can keep it competitive and also catch a glance at your female companion's cleavage in between shots. It's fun, it's cheap and it is a great ice breaker.
Music Stores – When I go buy DJ equipment or look for used vinyl, there are usually other audiophiles perusing the existing stores. I know you can go online, but take a Saturday to go music shopping. You can really touch base with fellow music lovers like me.
How about everywhere? I notice that people spend more times texting and looking down at their phones instead of letting their body do the talking. I think if more women would just pay attention to their surroundings that they would never have to ask where black men, let alone good ones are.
the library or a book store would be a good place. you know the person likes to read. one thing that you would have in common.
home depot, lowes or any home store.
Here's one that's a bit slept on:
Public Transportation: Now, I only mean during the times when folks are commuting to work. To meet (sidebar: I
Freudian-slippedactually typed 'meat' and had to erase. So…almost-pause) those professional types while they're going to work. Take advantage of that idle random chat that people have with commuters. Especially if something odd happens like a 4-legged hobo asking riders for packs of Kool-Aid for dinner or the train/bus getting stuck somewhere. Those idle convos can lead to a number exchange if you play your cards right. And everything is gonna be alright. I would avoid Monday mornings though 'cuz ain't nobody wanna talk to nobody then.Want to find a "good man"????NYC Public Transportation afterwork…especially around 5-7PM…Harlem is where its at…
Through friends: I don't date anybody who doesn't come with a recommendation and solid resume. I need to be able to find you if you suddenly try and steal my ish and disappear.
Therefore, a lot of these places that have been mentioned concern me because you leave yourself open to meeting someone who no one can attest to. People can tell anything about themselves, with no verification from a person you trust… NOT GOOGLE. I don't trust them.
Then again, I don't really have problems finding women. *Kanye shrug*
You are absolutely right. My last RELATIONSHIPS (not dates), have been with men who came highly recommended by friends.
You're a better man than me. I have given up and swear off all attempts to hook me up. Why? They never work. The last hook up that worked was when I was 14. All the adult hook ups was always with women who were heavier and very reserved to the point of slumber. Now if she asks through another friend, meaning she shows interest and just needs an introduction, then cool. But those phone calls where you get "CPT, I know this NICE girl for you. She is so SWEET. She's kind of SHY and such a good girl" I run like the wind!
Women who have it going on very seldom have to get "hooked up."
Oh naw… I don't like when people try and hook me up either. I'm saying through friends as you have a mutual friend. So like at a home girl's bday party, her old classmate rolls through, and you make a move. If someone introduces me to a woman to date, i'm likely going to pass. I like to earn my own.
I actually don't believe in hooking people up…
http://www.singleblackmale.org/2008/11/19/sorry-s…
Yes. Exactly like that. We're somewhere, we meet. I ask the friend (whose event we were attending) about the potential suitor.
@ Dr. J: This is probably the best. The majority of any guys I've dated was because so-and-so knew them and recommended them (ok, some of them, they outright told me not to deal with because they are trouble, but like any youngest child, I'm hard-headed).
I would say Whole Foods. Only single people with no kids and decent jobs can afford to shop there. Plus people who shop there care about there appearance.
The gym is a good place but I would warn ladies that many players hang out at the gym. Watch the guy first. The players will talk more than they work out. And they well offer to "help" or "train" any pretty women that looks new.
The gym has great eye candy and that may be a good motivation for your workout, but def. be careful. Church, I have to agree with others to be careful too. Good quality men, but don't front. There are some Pentecostal Pimps & Players who will speak in tongues, then speak sideways to both you and Sis Jones.
where to meet men?
1) Happy Hours/After work events
2) Library
3) Ski Trips
4) Spoken Word Events
5) Museums/Art Galleries
6) Fundraisers for charities
7) Sports Bars
8. Best Buy
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