Dr. J, How would you classify my friend?
To date, the terms; Gold Digger, Groupie and Jumpoff have been thrown around local nightclubs and social circles way too loosely. It would surprise you that most people can’t really define any of the terms. Most people say that it’s like porno, “I can’t tell you what it is, but I know when I see it.” I think that it’s time we put this matter to bed. From a socialite and also a member of circles that are always in fluxed with each of these types of people, I’m going to offer some guidance. Here are your Class-A Definitions for the aforementioned terms, afterward I’ll ask you to comment on your definitions and share some experiences.
The Gold Digger
“I’m not spending any money tonight. I’m not paying cover, I’m not buying drinks, I’m not spending any money tonight.” “Where are we going tonight? Park? Who do we know who has a table?” Although the first thing that comes to mind is how much you hate these women, these are actually the only ones out of the bunch who provide some type of worth. They work at their craft, they usually are attractive, and as Jay-Z said, “We got a bankhead full of broads, They got a table full of fellas.” Case in point, even though you are fronting the bill, you do get some residual benefit. And they also prove another key point, men enable women. Men always complaining about women being gold diggers, but they rarely realize no woman digs for gold if she keeps pulling a blank.
The Groupie
She just wants to be in the “in” crowd. She enjoys being in the company of people who have a good time, and will ride the curtails of anyone who has some claim to fame. They are not to be confused with Gold Diggers. The key difference is that a Groupie will follow a group with dedication while not really receiving any benefits outside of association. A Gold Digger has no dedication to the group, only the money source. When the money dries out she will go to the next money source, a groupie will stay dedicated and wants you to pull through tough times.
The Jumpoff
If you’ve ever wondered to yourself, “Why is she sleeping with him?” Chances are she’s a jumpoff. A jumpoff is being used for nothing but sex. She receives no benefits and often times gets shaded. Do you have a friend that knows a local promoter and is convinced she can hit him up to get y’all in the club that night? However, when you show up at the club, practically nothing happens, or better yet, no response? Has she ever been excited because her boo was about have a big birthday bash or “make it big”? And then once he did nothing came of it? Jumpoffs pay cover to go to the club and leave with some random dude, or end up jumping off with the guy playing the let out. (Any chick who has ever been hollered at during the let out and she left with the guy, is a jumpoff. That’s not up for discussion.)
The Hybrids
The Gold Digging Jumpoff – This girl seeks out people with “gold” to have sex with. She sleeps with them in hopes of gaining some benefits from the hem of the garment. Have you ever had a friend who regularly slept with a club promoter so that she could always skip the line, but she didn’t really like the guy? Perfect example.
The Groupie Jumpoff – If you have belonged to any Greek-related organization or were a member of an athletic team that was not professional, you know exactly who these women are. They will faithfully follow you to the end of the earth, defend your name, and will have sex with any person in the group because they are a member of the group.
The Wholly Trinity – She associates only with athletes, celebrities, and those making well into the six figures or more. She follows them wherever they go for a free ride, and offers up sex as a means to justifying her association. She actually considers these guys to be her friends, however, they don’t consider her to be anything more than a “breezy.”
In conclusion, I’ve defined the terms for you and then even begun to define the hybrids which are possible. I’ve always found it hilarious when women accuse each other of being one of the three. The reality of it is, most women accusing a woman of being a gold digger is probably one herself. Another thing that I would like to bring your attention to is that most times these women have no clue what they really are. Be very careful trying to tell someone they are a Groupie or Jumpoff even when they are. These women are convinced they are not, they are convinced they are “friends” with guys who only really use them for sex or to have some woman around. (I know I just hated on every dude’s promotion in the country, and I apologize.)
If you fall into one of these categories, I’m going to be honest with you, there’s really nothing wrong with it. It’s something wrong with denying it. Own up to who you are. Being a gold digger is not a bad thing, it takes triple D’s; discretion, dedication and discipline. Being a groupie has it’s benefits; you can always leverage your network. Being a jumpoff is legendary; not everyone will be able to say they have the sex life you have, and also the health plan either, *Kanye Shrug.*
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58 Responses to “Dr. J, How would you classify my friend?”
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I agree with your definitions, Dr. J. I know a few former JOs who used to swear these men were friends. This used to be my homegirl. Seriously, almost every time we talked, she had a new friend, someone she had never spoken of before. Like, dang, I know you’re in a new city, but there’s know way you made 6 male friends in 2 months. I’ve been a JO and I’ve used a JO. Poor boy introduced me to his parents. Parents questioning me like I was a potential gf. smh…
Now, I’m too old for this stuff. I’m not interested in being in any of these categories. Both the Gold digger and the Groupie are second(possibly first) jobs, and require too much work. And the jumpoff is just silly. Someone said on another blog, “if you’re going to be a jumpoff, jumpoff at the top.” Basically, be a Gold digger Jumpoff or don’t even waste your time.
@NIAnaturally
yeah as for your friend with a new friend every week, man, we all know those girls. as a man, i’ll tell you, we laugh about it. anytime a girl/woman professes, “but they’re my friends!” i just start chuckling because i’m thinking to myself, if you removed the far chance that they could smash they wouldn’t call, text, or chat you EVER.
I think I’m too old for all of the above categories as I’m outside of that “Club” age. If I’m at a club it’s a party and I was invited, damn who has a bottle or who’s at the door. Even in my best freakum dress I think men looking for JOs, Groupies or Gold Diggers for that matter prefer than in their 20s and without a career or an actual life of their own….SMH
Not sure getting a life of my own and a career will ever stop men in the pursuit of JOs. Actually, I would say a career and a healthy salary just opens up the JO/GD hybrids (because I can afford them).
But then again … I’m still in my 20s …
True..Married men have JOs..0_o
Ugh, let’s not get on that topic. *Tigergate*
“Actually, I would say a career and a healthy salary just opens up the JO/GD hybrids (because I can afford them).”
L.O.L.
A good mentor of mine said to me after he got engaged, man, once you start getting paid 200, you have to get married. because it’s at that point that you can afford to keep about 2 chicks in the swimming pool, fed and liquored up 365/24/7. His point was once a man can have that, why get married? It was really true though.
You know, this reminds me of something one of my older cousins said after he finished grad school. He said: “To be real, I can settle down whenever I want. I’m a young, educated Black man…there are way more Black females out there trying to find someone like me.” (Arrogant, right?) I said “Thanks big couz, that’s encouraging for a young girl to here.”
After all that, he proceeded to propose to his long-time girlfriend. lol
That was pretty much his sentiment though; when a (Black) man is doing extremely well for himself the ladies start coming harder and you can actually afford to have all the fun you want.
Now I hear stories of what goes down with his other married friends. He thinks he’s giving me insight into the minds of men so I have a heads up; I think it’s a tad unnerving. But I appreciate the honesty.
@lili
The minds of men are often Dark and evil places, one reason I wasn unsure about creating this site in the first place.
But … as long as the mind isn’t influencing the hand … we can be good for ya’ll.
Think about that sh* …
Ms.Lotus read the post at 1:20AM: Scan Starts
I’m usually categorized as the “good girl”. However, after reading the above descriptions I’m scanning my brain trying to figure out if I’ve ever been considered a J/O.
2:30AM: Still Scanning
@MsLoten
Well … if your still scanning … that must mean one thing …
thought so..until I found a repressed memory..
Right? Categorize yourself one way, read a Dr. J post and he’s got you second guessing…lol
Truthfully, I think most of us have fallen into at least one of these categories at some point. We may not have been aware at that time, but things happen.
Life is about lessons and junk.
(Just sweep those memories under the rug!)
sooo true…even if you were once a J/O..turned into a girlfriend, then wifey…you were still once a J/O..smh..
Didn’t the fellas do a post on that a while back?? How to make the jump from J/O to wifey or something?
LOL Oh the various paths we traverse in this dating game…
OK, let me say this, 99% of all girls at one point in their life has been considered a Jumpoff. It’s a fact. There’s no way to avoid it.
Quote of the year by my cousin.
Every dudes wifey was another dudes slut.
**drops mic**
that’s a horrible quote! and then if she holds the V-card she’s crazy. can’t win with u men..
http://twitpic.com/sgwcz
@streetz…bad quote 0_o
@ jaded…
Single life is about to get very cozy…
I hold my v-card til after I’m 18, let it go, then get a label…PURE foolishness…madness I tell u…
@streetz…no cryin here just tryna makes sense of this all lol and i happen to be a g-men supporter
@ms.lotus i know..been single for over a year and the more i see the more i wanna be single. smh
And every woman’s husband was another woman’s candidate for “Don’t Date Him Girl.Com”
Def have the friend with the “hook-up” to the hot spots………………….
And that’s all we’re gonna say about that.
They probably did post on the J/O wifey topic..I’m fairly new to this blog so I haven’t read it..Hmmm should be interesting though..
Yea, I def also have that friend…smh…she’ll prolly read this in the morn and then ask “were you talking about me”?
I haven’t been around any females who would fall into any of these categories since undergrad, I think all that stuff is for the young ones. Especially now, I don’t have any friends who roll like that.
It may seem crazy to people on here, but I’ve actually never fallen into any of these categories. I feel like in general when you fall into one of these categories men feel like they can disrespect you or talk to you any kind of way because they are giving you something or they feel like you don’t respect yourself. This is not to say that a man won’t disrespect you if you aren’t a gold digger, jump off, or groupie, but stuff like that just makes it easier.
I know it’s probably overboard, but even when I go out, I never accept a drink from anyone. I just think it’s not that serious to have someone buy you a drink or get you into a club because all that stuff comes with foolishness that I try to avoid. So if a man asks me what I’m drinking, I say nothing, and then if I want something, buy it myself. Some men are stubborn and will still buy something anyway, and I still don’t accept it.
Remi.. i’m glad you don’t associate with these women, however….
The motivation for this blog was women between the ages of 21-29. You really can’t be in any of these categories outside of Jumpoff, until you leave college and get out into the real world.
Dr. J what are you talking about?
1. Myself and the overwhelming majority of my friends are between the ages of 21 and 29, so your reference to that age group in response to my question does not make sense to me. You clearly incorrectly assumed that I am over 29 years old.
2. How is that you can be a jump off in college, but not a groupie or a gold digger until you get out into the real world? I beg to differ because I know plenty of chicks who were on that tip while in college.
3. The overall gist of what I was saying was that type of behavior is immature. I’m not sure why it bothered you so much that you had to attempt to insult me, suggesting that the motivation for the blog was not for women within my age group (even though your assumption of my age was wrong) or in other words, that it was not meant for me to comment on. That’s wack, and I’m not sure where it is coming from because all I did was comment and I don’t know you personally.
Remi, put the gun down. I wasn’t insulting you. I told you what my motivation for my blog was. I wasn’t even arguing with you. I said, i’m glad you don’t associate with those women, i.e., compliment. Then I went on to say, my motivatoin for the blog, i.e., general comment not towards you.
I don’t know how old you are. I don’t know what type of gold you dig for in college, or what type of group you are following. And though you may think it’s immature there are women who are 40-50 years old still doing this. Watch RHWOA.
But mainly, put the gun down.
There is no gun being held here. Just responding to your comment. I’m not trying to get into it with you, but given the context of your comment, I’m not buying your response. Your compliment was sarcastic, which is why you added the motivation for the blog part and the age. If it was general you would not have included it in your response towards me. I don’t have time for semantics games…I’m going back to work.
i have a friend who always knows the promoters in the hottest club…… hmmmm that says a lot
Now wait… she may just be a dime. A lot of promoters keep a stack of dimes in their pocket so they can attract the ballers to the club to buy bottles.
“or end up jumping off with the guy playing the let out. (Any chick who has ever been hollered at during the let out and she left with the guy, is a jumpoff. That’s not up for discussion.):” — i’m sorry but…what is a “let out?”
When the club closes, have you ever noticed how guys line up outside to watch the chicks walk out? That’s called guys playing the “let out.”
ohhh, ok….got it now….
This is also where you will see desperation at it’s finest. Watch how many booger wolves get approached because that’s all there was left. All the decent chicks left about an hour earlier.
all euphemisms for whore
ewl jaded!
jaded don’t be like that. two of these three don’t even necessarily have sex with the guy. and like i said in the post it’s not always a bad thing. it’s a bad thing to be in denial.
lol i’m just kidding but no woman wants to be labeled..they tend to have negative connotations IMO.
Women fall into different categories with different men and vice versa. It just depends on what you’re willing to accept from people. Like most of the previous posters, I don’t do the club much anymore. A lot of this “who’s buying drinks/who can get me in for free/who’s famous/ where’s vip?” nonsense goes out the window when you’re at a house party/bbq/private social affair. But anywhere you go, somone will “try” you just to see if you’ll fall for some mess.
And really – I don’t know a single man who complains about gold diggers who has enough money to worry. One of the “accepted” double standards between genders is that the man pays for dates and to initially make a woman comfortable (that drink at the bar) until they are far enough in their relationship to approach money as an “us” issue. The men who complain the most about $$ are usually trying to avoid their own monetary limits (sorry son – it’s hard to play Casanova at the bar if you only have $20 in your pocket) by having the woman pay to be courted or are just trying to catch a big fish with a small net.
Dont we all start out as one or more of these? Its remaining in one of these categories that is the problem…..
Dr. J (@DrJayJack) says OK, let me say this, 99% of all girls at one point in their life has been considered a Jumpoff. It’s a fact. There’s no way to avoid it<<<<<<<<<<<COMPLETELY DISAGREE. I KNOW PLENTY OF WOMEN WHO HAVE ONLY SLEPT WITH PPL THEYVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH AND NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND, ETC ETC
Enn…. But how many out of the 10 would you say that is? I would say you also hang around a certain group, so it’s possible to associate only with women who have never been jumpoffs. But if a man was to take a random sampling of women, I think it’s safe to say 9 out of 10 at one point have been a jumpoff.
Yea i only have sex when i’m in a relationship and i have never had a one night stand…i didn’t actually give up the goods until after 20 with my boyfriend and i made him wait about a year lol…
Ok…so after reading this…apparently i am a gold digger BUT in my defense i don’t go out asking people to buy me things etc. When i go out…i don’t pay (it’s a recession!)…there are just other things that i feel that i can spend my money on and usually i get in free…(i don’t even ask to get in free…when i ask how much i just get in free anyway) as far as drinks…my male friends who i go out with always buy me drinks…as soon as we get to the spot they ask me what i want…i have returned the favor a couple times and bought them a round of drinks…i always considered a gold digger to be a woman who talks to men strictly for their money…i don’t do this…but according to ur definition bc i hardly spend money when i go out–i’m a gold digger?…lol yea i’m still confused…
It’s all about intent. If you are a thirsty broad that goes out solely intending on not paying for drinks and latching onto the nearest sucker to buy you one and make it rain just cos you have a purdy face…then yes…you’re a gold digger. Your male friends are being courteous (albeit generous) but gold diggers look for generous simps to break bread on her with no intent on giving them some leg letter on that evening, dig?
Ok that makes sense…yea i don’t go out with the intent of having someone pay my way the whole night…and i chip in on parking! lol
You know the fellas really do appreciate a chick who chips in. Like to be honest, cats on park in lots or valet for the ladies, we’ll walk blocks in the cold and rain to get to the club. My joint is most of women I roll with bring something to the table. So we don’t mind funding the outing.
I guess I’ve been and have had a J/O, but that’s all I was looking for out of the situationship at the time. So, I’m okay with that. No shame here.
Gold diggers tend to think of themselves as “high maintenance.” Gold digging is like racisim. Nobody admits to it but most people are doin it.
oh and if she doesn’t sleep with anyone but they still continue to pay her mind, wine and dine her, let her in the best parties…she’s a playette? like from that older post??
I never leave home without my shovel…what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine. LMAO! As it was already said…if there wasn’t any gold there wouldn’t be any diggin’.
Maybe it’s a regional thing but where I was raised, Detroit, GD is way bigger than scoping a guy at a club. A GD wants a house (or at least rent paid for a few months), car/insurance paid for, to be taken care of in every financial way. Those are her goals. The chicks who are at the club trying to come up on a table were looked down on because they were cheap. I think the technical term is: Broke Hoes. A real GD knows that the dude being extra flossy in the club isn’t the one to go for. It’s the guy hiding out in the cut who 1) probably has more 2) is willing to share.
Oh and GD has such a negative connotation. When they are doing what I described above, I just think they are seeking short term security.
Oh and when a man is dealing with a real good GD, he (his friends or family) never sees it coming.
I personally think it should have a negative connotation. If you’re searching for short term security than you should find a job. Playing on a person’s emotions in order to be financially secure is selfish, it’s just as selfish as playing with a person’s emotions for sex. I don’t have an inkling of respect for the person who expects someone else to “take care of them”, nor do I have respect for the person who is taken in easily by GDs. It seems clear to me that those people don’t respect themselves either. Just my opinion.
Also, It is hard enough to find a person you are compatible with and doesn’t have issues, without people taking advantage of eachother for selfish BS and causing those people to have issues.
Well i have friends in all the groups and they are well aware.but i love the them just the same and they are cool with who they are….SHOT out to SINGLEBLACKMALE in the Essence Jan 2010 issuse pg 62…Congrats you guys!!!
GD’s simply know how to take advantage of an opportunity when it presents itself. Undoubtedly all women are not the same in their approach to life…sex…love…etc., and said is true for GD’s…we’re not all the same with our objectives. You can’t teach someone to sing, either the talent is there…or it is not. American Idol for example…the untalented are quick to yell and be offended when rejected. You can’t teach someone how to GD and if you’ve tried and you lack the talent and came up with pocket lint…try not to be resentful of those that can…it’s so unattractive.
Oh…and if a random poll was taken on whether or not GD’s were concerned whether or not we were respected by society I’m going to answer with a resounding NO. As far as not respecting ourselves…hmpf…chile’ please.