The following is the story of an event that transpired between one of my boys and his boo. Hopefully his boo doesn’t read this website. If she does, my bad homie. You told me that I could write about it.
Larry lays in bed next to his boo, Estefania, while she reads an urban magazine. He looks at the calendar in his phone and realizes it’s been way too long since he last experienced the warmth of her lady cobbler. Larry begins to reach for her thigh, but then has a stubborn male moment. “Damn. Why do I always gotta touch her thigh to get things popping? It’d be nice if she’d reach over here for once and take the cucumber out the jar.” Little does he know that Estefania stopped on the way home from work to get a Brazilian wax since she figured he’d probably be pretty hungry. Though it looks like she’s reading her magazine, she’s actually thinking something to herself as well: “This negro hasn’t even tried to touch me. He saw me get out the bathtub, put the baby oil gel on my bottom, and slip into bed in just some shorts and a half tee. I’ma give him 10 minutes to try and slip into something himself, otherwise I’m takin’ my a$$ to sleep.”
**11 minutes go by**
Estefania: Zzzzzz…
Larry: Grrrr. **Goes into the bathroom for a few minutes then comes back to bed feeling relieved, but not satisfied**
Morning time rolls around and they both wake up frustrated with each other and not speaking. As soon as Estefania is out the door and into her 2-door Kia, she’s on the phone with her girl talking about how Larry ain’t showing her any attention even though they already discussed the 5 Love Languages book. Meanwhile, Larry can’t wait to get to his computer at work and log into G-chat to tell his boy that the streak continues. Larry and Estefania chat during the day as if nothing is wrong. But as soon as they get back to the crib, the situation erupts in a not so good way.
Estefania: Sooo why haven’t you touched me lately? You used to always touch me. If we hadn’t went and got tested for STD’s together, I’d think you were trying to hide a herpes outbreak or something. What’s good?
Larry: I’m just tired of always having to touch you first. Sh*t. Why don’t you initiate something for once?
Estefania: You’re the man in this relationship. We been together long enough that you should know this by now.
Larry: Men like to feel wanted too you know.
Estefania: Baby, lack of confidence isn’t s*xy. Just thought I’d throw that out there so that we can be done with this and you can throw that (points to his piece) in here (points to her 98.6 degree pocket of love).
Larry: **Goes into bathroom for a few minutes then exits with a smile** Not tonight boo. Suddenly I don’t feel like it anymore.
As you can see in this encounter, there seems to be a thin line between confidence and wanting to feel wanted amongst other things. Though this situation isn’t the norm for most of us, I do think that women sometimes forget that men like to feel wanted as well. Granted, I don’t know if he was slinging not-so-tenacious D or small D. So there could be a completely different side of this story that didn’t make it into this post today that explains why she never initiated anything.
What do the readers think? Is it a man’s responsibility to initiative love sessions the majority of the time? Should it be an equal opportunity and equal exchange? Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has? What other factors do you think could be at play?
Damn. I sure do love creative writing,
I def think it should be 50/50 because a man wants it and so do women. I think guys like it if a girl takes the controlling role. But it's also great when a guy makes the first move.
Ladies, there is NOTHING wrong with you taking the initiative to get things started. We want to know that you want us as bad as we want you, but we shouldn't have to always initiate. It would be nice if you said we needed to have a talk, took us into the bathroom, and "raped" us. It's ok. Don't hide behind that "well, you're the man" excuse. WOMAN UP!!!
I do agree. Women do often feel like it's the man's "job" to get things started but it has to do with who is the dominant and submissive one in the relationship. In this case it seems like their both submissive but the man will often take the dominant role just to get what he wants done. Problem with that is if it's not your "true" role you'll eventually get tired of doing it just like he did and there will be issues just like they had. I feel that it is equal, he is right that men do want to feel wanted too. Yes men are suppose to be the strong ones but we're human. Who wouldn't want to feel that someone still finds them sexually attractive and would want to have their way with them (kinda a turn on don't you think?) Men too just like women want to have something to brag or smile about that their significant other did for them the night before that shocked them and blew their mind. For instance, in my relationship we never have that issue because we both like to take charge so it often turns into who can get to who first, lol. Couples need to learn to keep it spicy and stop with the same boring crawl into bed looking "sexy" waiting for the other to do something. If she planned on giving some she could've started by simply role playing (maybe as a stripper or something). That most likely would've caught his attention and they would've been rolling around by then rather than raising their blood pressure and simply going to sleep. Hope they fix this issue soon! =)
Yeah, I used to believe it was a man's "job" to get things started until I took a hold of things (see what I did there?). I even went far enough to ask him (cuz I was a nervous
tenderonithing) and he said he liked when I took control! So ladies, public Suki Service Announcement: it is not a man's job to get the festivies goingand the juices flowing. Get a handful of whatever is around and make him feel wanted. I mean, I dunno how all guys react, but the ones I've taken the initiative with, have appreciated it and not complained. ^_^ that is allthis post is such a terrific coincidence.
i recently left visiting a guy who I've been
sleeping with for over a little more than a year now
we always have a great time together, and the sex is
amazing…when he initiates it. this time, I told myself
I was going to surprise him by taking the upper hand
and get the ball (take that how you'd like) rolling.
so there we are sitting closely on his couch, watching golden girls
and I kept thinking to myself, "on the count of three just do it"
we watched about four episodes of golden girls and not a
damn thing happened. and then it was time for me to go to
the airport. the sad thing is, I really, really wanted to jump
his bones right there in front of Bea Arthur and co. but alas
I couldn't bring myself to do it and returned home horny
and…horny.
The biggest problem with this story is that you two were sitting there watching Golden Girls. I love Sophia as much as the next man, but watchin it with a woman? Red Flag. Son was either a 40 yr old virgin, timid, or he plays for the visiting team. lol
I was watching this w/ the SO yesterday. SMH and pawse @ myself i guess
Eff that. There is no reason to pause yourself. That old lady is hilarious.
HI-Larious!
pish posh!
Golden Girls is a phenomenal program
and he was slightly upset over Dallas' pitiful loss
he needed something lighter to watch
and he's none of those things
buh-lee dat
It should be an equal opportunity moment…especially the first time. Sometimes the guy might not know if he should try something. It's up to the woman at this point to put him at ease by hinting or even initiating the seduction.
Good point in the first time thing.
Yea you're right but sometimes guys don't catch the hints
Good post. I think the idea that it's a "man's job" to "go in for the kill" is straight idiocracy. If you're hungry you can't always expect to get waited on and I think it's unfair that a woman feels like she always has to be tended to and doesn't feel the need to be attentive to her man. BUT there are certain instances that I think women become used to certain gestures and they become accustomed to being treated a particular way. Point being, if a man keeps initiating all the time and then suddenly realizes they want change, I don't think it's right to just EXPECT it out of nowhere. This is when communication becomes key, speak on it, don't start crying outta nowhere.
I am totally guilty of this and it's an issue in every um, entanglement I get myself into. I just cannot bring myself to make the first move and have been known to say "making the first move is for homely girls". Terrible, terrible attitude I know, but I've always been this way. I don't want to say unilaterally that I think it's the man's job, but I just cannot get out of the mindset that it's not my job.
This is a touchy subject and the comments on this will be biased. Fact of the matter is, most of the women who read this blog have already exhibited they are some freaks whether that be undercover or on top of them.
It all depends on the girl. For some girls you will always have to make the first move because they're just not that type of person, others you will have to beat them off with a bat, you never know. As it was said it all comes down to communication.
No man wants to feel like he's a monster and he's always asking the girl to give it up Rick James style. So if a girl doesn't want to initiate the least she can do is assure the man by saying something like, "Listen, i'm horny all the time, so you're never bothering me.:
Estafania was trippin. I have NO PROBLEM initiating the smash down. I really think that the older a woman gets and the more confident she becomes sexually, the issue of initiation of sex becomes more of a non-issue. I think Estafania, missed out on a golden opportunity and that his her bad. I know I would've reached in and took….ehem…..ok, well…you get my point. Women, man up! Go for yours!
I could help but think "Go for it. Connect 4!" when I read the end of your comment.lol.
Here's my take on this. Estefania is the type of chick that'll get cheated on/ Dumped /played. She is a reactive woman and not proactive. Closed minded and stuck in the 20th century. There is nothing sexier than a woman who will talk in your ear and tell you exactly what's gonn ahappen when you get home, in the car, in the bathroom or where ever!!
It keeps the relationship interesting and fresh. Don't be closed minded ladies!
I think a lot more women are like Estefania than we think. Perhaps that explains, but doesn't excuse, a lot of behavior by men.
hmmm….. an analysis may be in order…
Don't you dare do what I think you're about to do in the admin panel.lol.
@SLIM LOLOL! Nah G my post is already ready already! im thinking a superfriends team up. I might unleash Evil Streetz for this one… pause?
Yes pause.
I agree w/ Slim… a lot of women are like Estefania but hopefully they have that one girlfriend in their group like QueenT who will show them the err of their ways. Although they may look at her w/ the *side eye* they'll consider the passion her relationship and what makes it pop. I think it's important for a man to know that his girl will get it poppin… when he's out it'll keep em coming home on time. *wink*
omg i was estefania minus the awkward outburst (lol). i would trek an hour and a half after work just to spend the night at my significant other's place and wake up salty. after a while i came to the conclusion that perhaps if i want it this badly i should be the one to initiate things. only problem with that is that apparently he liked that too much. now the routine has been that i have to get things started. granted the sex is great once things are underway, but i'm starting to resent the fact that i had to be the one to initiate activities, and doing everything to keep things interesting and fresh. plus there's only so many creative ways a girl can come up with…
Great piece Slim(pause). I believe it should be 50/50 initiation. I can see why a woman would be apprehensive the first time she's with her boo/FWB/JO, but if you are in a relationship, women should be willing to initiate. Men will always want the love box, but it's nice to show our fellas that we want them as much as they want us. It's really a communication issue.
Ladies forget the silly rules you got in your head, especially if you been with your man a while. I LOVE SEX! With that being said when I want it i don't have a problem with letting my partner know it and they love that! I only get rejected when he is really tired or REALLY DRUNK, but he always makes up for it
.
If they are at the point they are living together they've been together a while hopefully. And she should be at the point that if she's horny she should initiate the sex.
In the beginning of sexual relationships I have found myself waiting, because I wasn't completely comfortable with being that wanton sexually. But after a few weeks/months that demure thing loses its appeal and I'm getting what I want.
Good Post Slim..
All I have to say is that I let it be known when I want a dose of Vitamin S. If I have to call/text in a hint, or just give you a hint when your in my presence, I will let it be known. Anyhoo, that's just me, I don't have time to run around in circles. It is what is it.
The problem is that women like to drop hints and beating around the bush instead of keepin it decent and gettin the bush beat. If we dont catch the hint about your bday, valentine's day, or whatever day, we're probably not going to catch this hint either.
How about the obvious hints though?? C'mon you guys gotta get those…
You would be surprised how un-obvious these female hints are. I've talked with female friends and the stuff that counts as a hint is ridiculous. Look at the story … "I rubbed baby oil on my bottom". WTF … that just sounds like regular procedure.
hmm…that is true…If you physically get a hint, then there shall be no confusion.
Exactemente
Ha!
*Stands up and applauds Slim*
This has always been a huge pet peeve of mine. I have had this outright conversation with several in the past, and it annoys me to no end. It really does come down to a feeling of being wanted and you just get tired of starting things allllll the time.
At the heart of it all, I think it comes down to the fear of rejection. 95% of women seem to fear rejection more than death, and the slight sliver of a chance that he is "not in the mood" is enough to scare any would be seduced.
It's sad …
It is fear, lack communication,insecurities Yall live together Why are mental games still being played? Any woman depriving herself of the goodness when its laying right there next to her is just a handjob away from someone else pleasing her man. and Visa Versa We woman have to take some responcibility for our own happiness emotionaly and in the southern region
That rejection part is crucial. Very good addition to the dialogue my blogging brethren. Kinda makes me wonder since it seems easy for so many women to do the rejecting. #noshotsrelax.
Thats true Thats why I dont get women having fear of rejection Now guys I can see But from a dude? Im cluless on that one And even if this is the case Girlfriend exhale and just step into the next room and be the diva you are Last I heard there were 15 of them to everyone of us That type of insecurity can cripple you
This was common in my marriage , I felt like sex was his job, needless to say neither one of us enjoyed it much at least not with each other lol. Today I feel that each partner should want each other just as bad. And yes men like to feel wanted too, he needs to be assured that you want him just as much as he wants you, otherwise it will become an issue.
If it's been days, weeks, months since you had sex with each other thats a MAJOR problem, why are you allowing it to go that long? Sex should be enjoyed and not looked at as a "duty or job" otherwise it takes the fun out of it.
As far as the other factors, there could be plenty of things, lack of romance, skill level of the lover to the other, trust issues and so on.
Man this post hits home…
I remember chillin with a woman that told me she was "vuuury vuuury sexual." I couldn't tell…
She would come over and yeah I would put on a movie, get her comfortable but she would only react after I'm doing a little groping. We discussed it one time and she was like "I wanted to but…" meaning she thought about it and expected me to read her mind until I got horny staring at her breasts.
"95% of women seem to fear rejection more than death."
Co-sign and there you have it:
Although men are supposed to go through the gauntlet of chasing and being rejected, I hardly know any women who are so "strong" that they can take a man feigning their affection.
LADIES: Bust a move! For the longest time I thought women put sex very far down on the totem pole that I was afraid to get older. I thought you all got more frigid with age at one point or imagined myself in one of those marriages where if I didn't initiate it, she would roll over and make me watch her sleep or complain to her friends. I know…extreme, but as another posters said, we want to know you want us just as much. I explained this to someone in conversation recently and they were like "so you need US (women) to make you feel like a man?" She missed the point, and thus she doesn't have a man.
THIS!
It always be the ones without a man that will throw shots and stay losin!
Ha! So you need us to make you feel like a man Owch! That hurt me but yeah she totally missed the point Most women that think that way are so set in thier ways And they will always be some good girls girlfriend for relationship advice
I could write a book on it. This blog isn't the first time I've heard ladies saying they thought it was " a man's job to initiate" which is why I had the pre-conceived notion that women didn't enjoy sex as much as men did in the long run. It always seemed one sided with the male wanting it and the woman "just conforming." You can almost hear the difference in language when it comes to sex from men and women.
If a man is turnin you down, take it as a sign that you really shouldnt be having sex
Although that is right in the long term … there actually may be a time when I got so much work to do that at the moment …
As I was typing as reason why I would turn down intercourse, I realized it just wasn't true.
100% Co-sign
Oh yeah, you better co-sign and just reminisce on all the times you may have or could have been just a little distracted lol
Actually as I reminisce about all the potentially important things I skipped, missed, or was late for in order to get it in … kind of makes me sad.
*reference Stupidity of Man post from yesterday*
Awwhh Well If you had that one woman in your life You would know you could always pick up where you left off and shed be there openly waiting lol Not only would you not miss any apts. But youd have that extra bounce when arriving early Thus …. Settle down already lol Teasing
You do know I got a gf at the moment … right.
And you are right. Generally speaking you can resume later, but that isn't always the case. Especially if you have a girlfriend that gets tired earlier than you and falls asleep when you finally finish writing your essay.
lol no I didnt know Im new here Good for you
As far as the timing for sex Well you guys may have to get on some type of schedule I know That sounds so romantic But if and only of Someone is feeling a little less fufilled in that department should scheduling be put into place Or maybe not so much scheduling but some spontinaity mornings, during a tv show you both love Baked chicken is a great dinner to occupy your time during cooking Lazy sundays My point is theres no excuse for no nuk nuk
it's the man's responsibility? dumbest idea ever. a closed mouth don't get fed.
"And if you don't ask for chewin then you don't get head"
1,000,000 points to whoever knows what song that is from (even the artist will net you 500,000)
LMAO! shout out to 3-6 n dem.
Frayser Boy, yeeeain'tknow! that's from "Closed Mouth"
Ladies, we really get tired of trying to read yalls minds all the time. If you want the dick how much effort does it take to put your hand on a dudes thigh and kiss him on the neck.
Nobody wants to make the first move all the time. Have yall ever thought that one of the reasons guys always act like that want sex is because yall never give us obvious signs of when yall are in the mood. So we just try all the time hoping to catch you at the right time. When girls make the first move we don't have to guess all the time.
My advice to ladies is that your first move can be so simple. I mean just putting your hand in a certain spot will work. If you do it consistently dude will know that is your signal.
Now for the fellas. If you get in a relationship with a girl that doesn't initiate you might just have to live with it and hope she changes over time. But some girls just don't have that courage and it may take years for them to develop it. So if this is a deal breaker don't get in a relationship with that type of girl. For instance I know I like my girls at a certain level of freak. Definitley at the level where they not afraid to grab the d when they want it. So being frigid or scared in the bedroom is a deal breaker for me.
Co-sign!!!!!! Ziggurat! Shrine!
What do the readers think?
- I think your post is right on. I agree 100%.
Is it a man’s responsibility to initiative love sessions the majority of the time?
- I think a man should initiate sex most of the time but should it be like 90/10? Absolutely not. It should be more like 70/30 or 60/40.
Should it be an equal opportunity and equal exchange?
- I don't understand why if a woman is in the mood for sex she drops hints. Sometimes hints are subtle and sometimes not so much. Why not just go for what you want. I want a woman who knows how to be aggressive. If thats what you want at the time go for it. Its not like we are strangers and you're shy or bashful.
Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has?
- I've run into this a couple times in my life and it never not bothers me. If I want sex then you are going to know it. I expect the same behavior from my s/o.
What other factors do you think could be at play?
- I think it stems from the fact that most women are taught to downplay their sexuality and be reserved. Or maybe they believe that men are horny and ready for sex 24/7 (which is mostly true) so they shouldn't have to be the aggressor. What they don't realize is that depending on what their man likes, that can be a huge turn on. Also, its a good way to switch things up in the bedroom.
Trust me…men love it when you initiate. If you are comfortable with a guy you should be able to come out of your shell…even if it is just a lil bit. If she wanted sex that bad the least she could do is give him a sensual kiss and trust me he would have initiated the rest.
That's really all it takes. Shoot, the right look will let me know what's good.
Haha – I've been guilty of too much hinting (..but I was bending over in your direction when I applied my baby oil and spent 2.5 extra milliseconds on my booty – what do you mean you didn't get that I wanted you to come and throw me down on the bed?) Too much.
Age has a lot to do with it – my confidence has only gotten better as I've gotten older so I don't really wrestle with the rejection thing. Especially if I'm in a solid relationship. My seductions don't require special lingerie, lighting or moods. Just grab a hold of the situation (literally) and use your head. Works every time.
Ha So true Maybe it is an age thing
It's really not that complicated and i amazes me that so many people are like this . Maybe the first couple of times 1 person my need to be the aggressor till a level of comfort is established but if I'm living with you then please believe the tissue of fair and balanced interaction has been spoken on.
I don't need it for the definition of myself or my manhood but as a person it's just better to know that your partner wants you as much as you want them.
Aint no way in hell Im going through the truama of a brazilian wax and not geting my butterfly kisses And plus I dont believe in a realationship You should go to bed angry
lol at brazlian wax being a traumatic experience. That going to bed angry is not what's up either. Makes me grr to just think about it.
lol @ women thinking: baby oil = I want sex
Man thinking: baby oil = her legs are ashy
Not to mention that baby oil=busted condom
Who said anything about condoms?
I keed…sorta.lol.
I don't mess with latex, so baby oil is a welcomed addition.
But you're right – da Man and I aren't thinking bout condoms right about now.
i think a woman should inititiate "it" at the same frequency she picks up the check….
now that you bring this up, i personally have noticed that that the women who pick up the tab more often also inititiate "other things" more often.
I think you may be onto something Carver. I think you may be onto something.
i say an experiment is in order…
*grabs lab coat and 1/5 of Henny"
yep. this is true.
i don't understand why me taking initiative should freak me out..assuming its not the first time, in which case I might be a bit nervous but otherwise, If were alone/in private, you made it that far to the bedroom/living room or whatever, then that means its more than crossed my mind. which means i WILL have it at some point during your visit.
And for the record, I just had a FIRST date where….I paid. *kanye shrug* talk about taking the initiative….
It's probably been said, but there are too many comments to read, and Im in class! But I feel like it's also a woman's responsibility to initiate things in the bedroom (or wherever things go down) just as much as it's a man's responsibility. If I want it, and his moves aren't fast enough for me, then I'll grab the "cucumber" (as you so eloquently put it), and start getting to work. It's as simple as that…
What's the point in "waiting" for him to make a move? When you want it, go get it…unless you don't care and just pull out a toy at night. But I guess that's for another post…another day.
In all my years I never had that problem! I would say at least 40% of the time I initiate sex. It turns me on when I catch him off guard! But then I am not traditional in the when and the where. Adds spice!
Wow. If she wanted some dickle, reach over and kiss it.
All of that could have been avoided with a simple CONVERSATION. (or be totally obvious and grab the cucumber)
Her: Baby, I went to the store today and got something for you?
Him: Really? what?
Her: It's under my shorts. *naughty grin*
*insert porno music*
Seriously, just TALK. He won't care if you are the aggressor sometimes, I PROMISE!!
Good post. I'll be brief…I'm newly married, but I've been w/ my husband for almost 6 years & I'd say we're pretty comfortable with each other sexually. However, I just had a baby & I work full-time so when I come home I wanna eat, grab a glass of wine then go to sleep! I know the husband wants attention & sometimes I think to myself, "Hmm, he ain't doin nothin to get me in the mood so I ain't doin nothin." But I forget to be the initiator at times b/c men, too, want to be desired. And not only that, he may be throwing hints that he wants to get things crackin' but he tells me I'm sometimes oblivious to it. So a solution, I think, would be to be more vocal with your partner. And to be sensitive and more attentive to the things they may be trying to tell you so no one feels neglected.
Larry and his bathroom tactics are hilarious.
What Larry's boo fails to realize is that love isn't about what you hope to receive but what you hope to give. And you really should be giving your all. Unfortunately, close mouths don't get fed. Had she made her expectations known that the wax and primping was for him I'm sure he would have been willing to satiate himself as well as her. Instead she makes an argument out of nothing and then accuses him of possibly cheating on her. Not only is the communication suffering in the relationship but both parties feel their expectations aren't being met.
Larry isn't insecure and it definitely isn't a man's place to initiate sex. A man isn't the only one who benefits from sex; therefore, if you want to play with the cucumber then sometimes you have to take it out of the jar. And that really isn't so difficult or *shocking* unpleasant. It is quite enjoyable.
If she knows like I know she needs to learn to pick her battles, be a little more open and upfront with him and learn to please her man … before he really thinks of stepping out.
Loved the post. Quite timely also. I sent the following text to my husband of 10 years this afternoon. " Snickerdoodle, we phucking tonite?" His prompt reply "Hell Yeah"…I like to get my foreplay in. Needless to say dinner was on when I got home and the kids had been tended to so I can tend to Daddy!
Good post. I think it should be 50/50 because men aren't mind readers. Never have been. Ladies, if you go through all of the preparation just for that time, learn how to take the upper hand. Hell, if I'm horny, my SO runs the risk of being pounced. That's just how it is.
Ok, after reading a few comments I must say I think it's completely IDIOTIC for "wifey" to fear rejection by her man. If you're lying in bed with the S/O and you want it, go in (pun intended), if you deprive yourself, I'm sorry, but you're a retard! (Yes, offense.) it's rather rare (at least in my experiences) that a man will deny a woman sex (usually a female trait). Unless a guy is DREADFULLY tired or out of protection, more than likey he will comply. I can't think of reasons why a man would reject a woman in the bedroom…doesn't make sense. So leave all that 1965 ideology for yo mama and STOP BEING A WUSS! Thank you and good night! With love, MissMariCay
Great post – unfortunately it's been my experience that it depends on the relationship. I've been in relationships were we went at it daily and those were it was only 2-3 times a week. But there's always changes/complaints… if it's not who initiates then it's maintenance sex vs. the down and dirty or why don't we "make love" anymore. Bottom line. Nobody is a mind reader. Tell it like you want it and ask for it repeatedly, directly. If they don't deliver then you have a decision to make. If you decide to stay then quit complaining and when you step out understand the consequences. And if your good-girl persona won't allow you take the initiative, don't act surprise when your partner steps out, understand the implications of your non action.
In this situation though there is hope. No communication is the precursor of the end of the relationship and they're still communicating. If you aren't talking about it, aren't arguing about it and there's unhappiness by either partner, then you're really in trouble. If the person is important to you – you'd better start asking questions. At least this couple still cares enough to fuss. The need to have a come to Jesus convo. I wish them better times.
i feel like if he's doin what he got to do….. and im doin what i got to do….. by the time were done….were not supposed to remember who started what….but DAMN IT WAS GOOOO0d!!!!
I feel the fella's on this one. It should work both ways. EVERYBODY wants to feel wanted and desired by their partner. I think women are so accustomed to men being the hunters, pursuers, and initiaters that they don't get much of a chance to make the first move with some men. There are many women who NEVER had to initiate much of anything EVER. So because they never had to do it and aren't used to it they don't really know how to initiate sex with a man. Not necessarily the woman's fault….it just is what it is.
I suggest men very nicely and seductively tell your lady how you feel and tell her to feel free to touch, kiss, or whatever she wants to when the mood strikes her. Maybe even have some songs that help express how you feel like: Howard Hewitt "Show Me" and Gerald Levert – "School Me"