The one thing that bothers me in the Blogworld is Female Conspiracy Theorists, women who believe that everything is some game or that every man is out for something. Quite frankly, we’re not, we don’t care that much and we don’t have time for games. Experience tells us that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. The question is, why is it that we are always so quick to give the benefit of doubt? Especially, when exceptions are just that, exceptions, something that occurs rarely that goes against the presumption. There is no such thing as Black Girl Lost, that girl wandered off. If the whole hood says, “That girl is a ho,” that girl is a ho. My father used to say something to me when I would claim my teachers were lying about my poor behavior in school, “J, how can they ALL be lying when they ALL saying the same thing about you?”
First of all a word about stereotypes, they say, “Stereotypes come from somewhere.” Wiser words have never been spoken.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSLeUTpwFjI]
Cornbread, ain’t nothing wrong with that. RIP Gerald Levert.
If everyone at the school refers to a girl as “Superhead.” There’s only two ways she got that name; either she gives a lot of head, or she gives really great head.
If your boy is having a party and he calls you and says the following, “Hey, what’s up? Some of my boys are in town so we’re having something at the crib, wanted to invite you. Oh and, got any friends?” Not only does that guy think you’re a jumpoff, he thinks you roll with jumpoffs too.
If you’re standing in a party and your female friends leans notices you looking at a girl and she says, “That girl is a ho.” If she’s pointing to you, you’re a ho. Women have a sixth sense for these types of things, I don’t ask questions, I just smile and nod.
I can tell you that when a man says, “That b*tch is crazy,” they are correct 99.9% of the time. We know how detrimental that label can be to a woman’s reputation we don’t throw it around loosely. So listen to me, if you key his car and slash his tires, your excuse that he cheated is not a valid excuse, your behind is still crazy.
And if 3 or more dudes run a train on you with your consent you are a team player, I mean, “slut bag whore definition of a ghetto bird,” – Remy Ma.
Yet, there will be some girl who will stand on the pulpit and proclaim that just because she consented to letting three or more dudes run triz that does not make her a ho. There will be a girl that will claim that “Superhead” doesn’t really give a lot of head, a bunch of guys just made that up. There will be a group of girls who will justify a chick’s crazy behavior by blaming it on the man. This is merely an attempt at women looking to transfer the blame onto the man. (Let’s all wave our finger.) The point is people just don’t make up these things, these stereotypes lead way to generalizations and it’s not by chance, it’s because over all experience tells us that these are the characteristics of patterned behavior.
I agree that there are exceptions to every rule, but in 2010, I’m going to need to see more exceptions before we start giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. The next time a guy accuses a chick of being a ho, jumpoff or crazy, consider this, we all know that this girl could be the exception, but chances are she’s not. Need some more proof, I’ll leave you with the following story:
A number you do not recognize calls your cell phone. You don’t pick up because you do not pick up random phone numbers, but she leaves a voicemail. In her voicemail she says, “Hey, I got your number from a friend, and I wanted to ask you some questions about, [insert your boyfriend’s name here, but let’s call him Jeff.] Please give me a call at this number, or I’ll try calling you back a little later.” You can tell in her voice that she’s quivering and seriously upset. The next time that she calls you see the same number and you hesitate picking up because you’d like to talk to Jeff about it first, but you decide to get the whole story before you talk to Jeff. She tells you that she’s been dating and even having sex with Jeff for the last six months and her friend told her that he had a girlfriend and gave her your number to call. You’re devastated and get off the phone immediately and start to tear up. When Jeff walks through the door you are sitting there waiting for him and you ask him about this chick and he replies, “Who’s Anna?”
The real question is, why didn’t you give Jeff the benefit of the doubt from the beginning and defend his name to the chick before even bringing this to Jeff?
The defense rests.
Dr. J has just earned his law degree.
At the end of the day who gives a damn? There will always be labels…enough white people called black people dumb and guess what people believed that and then we had to work hard to release ourselves of a stereotype. If you are a ho and visit this site and see this…either stop doing what you are doing and change or continue and not give a damn. I can't anymore with with men and women saying 8 signs he's a liar, 10 signs she's a ho…well how about 20 reasons why I don't give a damn! P.s I love this blog though cracks me up…lol
#youmad?
Lol @ "Jeff". ^_^ What a name.
"Experience tells us that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck."
I just wanted to put that quote because it's so funny and cute. But back to the post. Great topic. I personally feel it's safe to say
or assumethat the world is run by stereotypes regardless of how you feel. Not only stereotypes but quick assumptions and generalizations (as if all those words don't mean the same thing or have a similar meaning)Why wasn't she quick to defend Jeff's name? Because she wasn't trying to hear that? All she needed was "proof" and because a "friend" told her he had a gf and had her number, it lay as enough proof. I'm not supporting how she went about handling this. It could have been taken care of in different ways but ehh #sukishrug.
At the end of the day, a lot of women are going to believe what they want when it comes to "situations" like "Jeff" because of stereotypes and basic assumptions. "I'm gonna assume that this girl is telling the truth" = "Jeff you're a low down dirty ass bastard reggin good for nothing…" (I'm gonna stop now).
But as far as the 3+ men running a triz (love that word lol), I don't know what sane woman in her right mind would try and say she's not a hoe. Team player indeed. Don't pass the blame to a man. That's not right.
And I'll be one of the first comments to admit women are crazy. Someone has to be in the relationship. You put on that Crazy Pin and you wear it proudly! ^_^
(I feel like I just had a brain fart…2am. thoughts are spilling from my keypad to the screen. Bear with me please. Hope all that made sense)
dumbest shit i ever read. judgemental ass people will never change. and as far as the whole "if it walks like a duck" quote…the same quote can be applied to judgemental ass people….
the defense rests
the defense made no claims against the arguments of the prosecution. how can it rest?
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to actually take this post remotely seriously or not. If so…
"There's a stereotype that black people are lazy. There's a stereotype that most black people are on welfare/most people on welfare are black. There's a stereotype that black people can't speak "proper English." BUT HEY, THEY MUST COME FROM SOMEWHERE, RIGHT?
I can't believe that you would seriously try to support the idiotic notion that stereotypes are any valid way to judge an individual human being, especially belonging to a demographic that has suffered – and continues to be victimized – so badly from them. So I choose to believe this post is just some drunken b.s. because logical consistency and reason are horrifyingly absent."
If not?
"Even in jest, taking yet another opportunity to gratuitously label and berate women is getting kind of old. And it wasn't ever cute to begin with."
Courtney you're late to the discussion and you removed my post from the context in which it was originally found, thats why you don't understand whether my statements were in jest/sarcasm or not. Since I don't want to rehash an old argument I'll check in with you the next time this topic comes up on this blog, and something tells me it will.
I don't think the 'hoe' tag can only be applied to women. Men are hoes too. Also, hoes know what they are doing would be considered ho-ish. At the same time, they don't like being called out for it because they understand the long-term negative consequences of ho-dome–at least the women do. Behind every hoe is a reason for ho-dome. It's usually never as simple as them just wanting sex. They want connectedness, attention, self-esteem, a new pair of red bottoms, etc. But they use sex as a replacement for the thing(s) that are missing–or at least this is what I was told by a few old, reformed hoes.
Hmmm this post rattles me somehow. I want to buy what you're saying, but then again I don't. I guess it hits a little close to home as a woman who has had the experience of being called a ho without considering herself to be one. I guess that makes me a stereotype.
Ultimately I think this whole thing about who's a ho and who's not and what makes someone a ho is really just about judgment. Because that's really what we're doing when we're calling people ho, right? Judging them. And usually without all the evidence. But ultimately, as Leti said above, we shouldn't give a damn. A woman who is sexually liberated should be prepared to accept the fact that people will call her a ho. It's the natural consequence of that type of behaviour and she should have the stones to deal with it, just like a person who walks around calling people ho should be able to deal with the natural consequence of people calling them a judgemental a$$hole.
Hmmm this post rattles me somehow. I want to buy what you're saying, but then again I don't. I guess it hits a little close to home as a woman who has had the experience of being called a ho without considering herself to be one. I guess that makes me a stereotype.
Ultimately I think this whole thing about who's a ho and who's not and what makes someone a ho is really just about judgment. Because that's really what we're doing when we're calling people ho, right? Judging them. And usually without all the evidence.
But ultimately, as Leti said above, we shouldn't give a damn. A woman who is sexually liberated should be prepared to accept the fact that people will call her a ho. It's the natural consequence of that type of behaviour and she should have the stones to deal with it, just like a person who walks around calling people ho should be able to deal with the natural consequence of people calling them a judgmental a$$hole.
What's the difference between being "sexually liberated" and being a hoe? Not being a dick, I honestly want to know.
We share a brain, I was going to ask the same thing.
LOL good question. I'd say sexually liberated just means that you decide on your own terms when, how, and with whom you're going to have sex – if that's within the confines of a relationship or without strings attached, whatever. You feel free to have sex if that's what you want to do, but you have standards. If you're a ho you'll give it up anyone, any time.
My definition of sexually liberated is not being afraid to have sex in a monogamous relationship. It does get a bit complicated with serial monogamy, in that case you just have to use common sense. If you've had 10 boyfriends in one year and slept with all of them I'm giving you some serious side-eye. Everybody has different parameters for hoishness, but they all center around how easy you give it up and how many partners you have within any given amount of time. The person who tries to stay under 10 partners a year has very different hoe criteria than the person who wants to stay under 10 people in their lifetime.
I think sexually liberated to these women means they just sleep with whoever they want to because they are out doing them. So if they meet a guy and want to have sex then they will. They do not have to be monogamous, just hopefully safe.
Kudos to Max and Leti. Hilarious…
Before this post goes left… I would like to remind the reader that the post is about how women defend other women to the death without the presence of any proof or reason. It's not about signs she's a ho, or labeling a woman a ho. It's about when you see a pattern of ho behavior, yet a female will deny that the behavior makes her ho.
ahhhhh… ok… now I get how the story relates… makes sense, instead of defending the man, she defended the hoe like behaviour on the phone. got it. slow moment.
I understand now….
it really comes down to evidence. I believe most people in the world are stupid, so I can't go off a chicken heads opinion of another chicken head… however, if I see evidence of hoeness, I'm with that.
But just b/c a guy ask you to jumpoff with the whole team, that doesn't make you a hoe. It just means, he is willing to risk his relationship with you in order to find out if you are a rare smut monkey who is actually gifted enough to take a pounding and move her neck at the same time…… and if the good lord saw fit to bless you even further, maybe take another homey in the hand.
I think the reason it all almost went left is the story
We as women almost always side with women So regardless of who the hoe was that called I need to deal with My man on this 1st
I know shes a hoe But what I need to know right now is what she is to you
Exactly.
Ok ok ok.. I get it… the whole post… and normally what makes a ho a ho. However, the story at the end boggles me in it's relation to the post. I get the fact that ol' girl questioned Jeff, but what does that have to do w/ the mysterious caller being a possible hoe or crazy? Somebody help me b/c Lord knows I'm confused.
I'd be a dumb gf — mind u we are not married so he has liberty to do w/e — not to ask Jeff about the caller. No one said I'm accusing him of anything… and I may have defended him on the phone w/ the anonymous chick… but i'm damn sure gonna ask Jeff about it. When he says… idk, I'll lay it to rest. Nothing else to talk about.
Lastly, I'm always careful using such general terms b/c my definition of crazy & ur definition of crazy could be entirely different. When I say hoe…. I could mean slutty behavior or tendencies w/o real proof & u could be thinking prostitute. So while I agree… I prefer to give examples to get my point across & not use wide spread terminology. [ & *daps* to Ms. Smart b/c men are definitely hoes too... although I'm sure held to a different standard. ]
If you see my previous comment you will see that the post is about how women will defend a woman being called a ho to the death without any knowledge of the situation. I was saying that the same liberty should have been extended to Jeff, before that girl could have finished his gf should have been defending his name.
And again, i'm not defining what a ho is, this post is not about who is and who isn't a ho. I could care less.
I'll admit it. I've defended females without knowledge of the situation. This occurred because people tend to hand out unnecessary labels at times, especially in the case of females..
Oh like jeff would have defended me, If he recieved a call from a dude Come on now lets be real Jeff would have had my ass choked up against the wall that dude even had his number I wanna know who the hater is that gave my number to said hoe But then that may be going a lil to the left too Sorry lol
@ S0 FLYY: I concur…lay it to rest. I mean in situations like these, if a female really wants both stories at once, then tell the other female to call her back at XX time. Make sure that its a time that Jeff will be home, so that everything will be out in the open for discussion. #Imjustsayin..
ok, so i can apply this to tiger woods… he's just a hoe, not a sex addict. i can dig it.
Basically, If I'm reading this right it seems that when the spotlight is put on a man he's guilty till proven innocent where as a female is more inclined to defend or be more "understanding" to another female despite very clear cut evidence to questionable behavior.
Why am I seeing that scene from Coming to America – after Sexual Chocolate's performance when he dropped the mic and hit that pose like he really just did something – in my head right now? Hot.Bamma.Mess.
If asking you to extend the same benefit of the doubt to women that you would expect for yourself makes me the ho's public defender – I'll be that. If I (or any woman) wrote this post and replaced "girls" with "boys" we'd be all kinds of Bitter Betty Strikes Again. And the heat would come from women and men. Even better, you could switch some words and use it as a defense that most Black men are criminals and bad fathers….
"stereotypes are true, yes indeedy! I don't know you, but I know you's a ho cuz I think you's a ho! Oh, wait, someone else who doesn't know you told me that you're a ho! Oh, wait, you're Black so you must be a criminal! And you, Consuela – I don't see any kids on you, are they at home??? Juan, my man! You look like you want to cut my grass! I heard it was a stereotype so it must be true! Dang-di-li-lang-dang!"
Just for a moment, let's address the wandering, backassward logic thats floating around in this post. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt *when you don't know anything about them* is not the same as defending known actions. I don't recall anyone defending the girl who runs trains. But, once again your arguments depend on us taking a magical ride past the facts and into territory known only as "Dr. Jay's Insecurity Land". In this strange world the following is true –
– If you and some friends get invited to a party – youzaho!
– If a woman who doesn't know you tells her guy friend that you're a ho – youzaho! (This isn't just blatant hateration in the club or anything)
– If any guy calls you a ho, whether he knows you or not, youzaho!
– All rumors are true! Especially if the rumor is that youzaho!
I mean, it's not like Jay can be quoted in the comments section of a previous post saying "ho" is his generic term for any woman who isn't doing what he wants her to do at that moment. I believe it went something like, "If I have to give up my seat on the train? You're a ho. Didn't smash on the first date? Ho."
Assuming a woman is a ho because of the reasons you mentioned is like women reading your posts and coming to the conclusion that your nickname in the bedroom is Button Mushroom. Could we both be correct? Sure. But wouldn't you want the benefit of the doubt?
Lmao… Anna N strikes again. I did question Jay's logic on calling me a hoe b/c a guy invited me to a party… made me think bk to if I'd done any hoe like behaviour to make him want to invite me or if he just doesn't have any other female friends… hm…
& I've known PLENTY of women to hate in the club calling another woman a hoe b/c she didn't like the way ol girl was dressed or the fact that she got free drinks at the bar. Blatant disrespect.
I have a good friend who once said, half seriously, "She came over with no socks on. She wanted to bone. Hell, she's probably a hoe." Men can find any reason for a woman to be a hoe.
That was stupid, but…
I have a good friend who said, "Carribean people don't wear socks."
Stereotypes come from somewhere.
I was gonna kill a couple rappers, But they did it to themselves…
I love you like an adopted cousin who gets more gifts at Christmas than me, but seriously I have reached the conclusion that though you think i'm quick to jump to conclusion, you are the QUEEN of adding facts to a situation that have never been presented and are only assumptions that you use to make your case.
In addition, I have no clue what you are actually trying to say in your comment because it's so clear you are not keeping it on wax, you are talking about something completely different.
I add facts? Where? Real examples now. If the comment wanders it's because your post is the written equivalent of a Jackson Pollock. How many topics can you squeeze into one post? On the one hand, you claim that the post is about women giving other women the benefit of the doubt over men (the kinda relevent scene with Jeff, Anna and Sally). That's a discussion all by itself. But by then you've already veered off path with a list of random things that supposedly make a woman ho, outline some nonsense about how stereotypes came from somewhere and if someone in a club points at you and says you're a ho you must be one, then sprinkled some mess about ducks quacking and sex in the champagne room to top it off. Da hell? LOL!!!!
P.S. – You know you like arguing with me, that's why you "publically disagreed" with me yesterday and dropped my name in this story today. I luh you too, boo!
Anna i've never actually argued with you… I try to keep you engaged because I know that the people who read SBM and my blog enjoy you. You're like the perfect Magazeen, you don't really go with my song, but you make it hot.
GAAAHHHTTTDDDAAAMMMBBB DAWG!!! Bury me in Dr. J's Chuck Taylor's b/c I SURELY just died. I believe Anna N. just told Dr. J about his ENTIRE LIFE!
Anna, let this be my token of appreciation for u b/c this comment was so awesome that I wanted to put a ring on it.
Well now that you've cleared up the intent…
Bottom line, it boils down to women being able to put themselves in the shoes of other women.
Women can defend ho-ish behavior by other women because calling someone a hoe and being judgmental is out of style. Plus, they've seen how being labeled a hoe has negative consequences so they're not too quick to put someone else in that position with no real evidence. Woman can put themselves in the accused hoes shoes.
In the situation above, the chick (who I'm calling SALLY), believed what Anna said because she didn't believe a random strange woman would do something like that–because it's not something Sally herself would ever do to a man without cause. Even if Jeff wasn't actively screwing Anna, it's easy to believe Jeff did something to cause Anna to want to call Sally.
Hmm, I'm not going to defend or persecute your logic in this post (well, not yet…we'll see how I feel later on)
It just seems the post was not well written, you missed the mark on getting your point across completely. I was left with a *huh?* expression after reading the anecdote. I actually read the entire thing too lol no skimming for me today!
because Jeff was fucking that girl. FUCK Jeff.
*slams door behind me*
*peeks head back in*
and fuck Anna too.
This post is gonna bring unnecessary Ether to my doorstep lol
I think when people defed those they know are wrong…. they know it. I mean at the end of the day perception is key, and you gotta learn to control that!
i always read your posts but never comment..this one was just too judgemental for my liking…so if a female friend tells you that a girl is a ho you just agree that shes a ho?wow..talk about mind of your own. this is you agreeing with your female friend when you dont know anything about this said girl. thats is exactly how stereotypes start..you dont investigate for yourself..you just go with the crowd.
someone wants said stereotype is the news for lazy people.
if someone calls and tells me about my boyfriend,i'd def ask him about it..it doesnt mean im judging him..i just want to know the truth.and why would a strange woman call me and tell me that she is having an affair with my boyfriend and ill defend my boyfriend to her when ive not even found out if its true or not?
if a woman calls me with that kind of information…if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, walks like a duck…then it is a duck.the difference btw you and i is that i actually take out the time to ask him and not believe blindly but you my dear, once someone tells you something about someone you dont take out the time to actually find out if its true.
i rest my case. this post was merely being judgemental and excusing stereotypes.
I don't agree with this post. I've known too many gossips in my day. And some dudes are worse than females. A gossip is someone that will spread anything they hear as if it were fact with no investigation or proof. Why is this important? Some dudes will call a girl a ho if she has slept with two or more people they know. Now does that really make a girl a ho? Example: "Yeah she a ho. She fucked Mike and John." Dudes will break up with a girl they been wit for 6 months and all of a sudden she is a "ho". Or some hater dudes just don't want you fuckin a chick they want so they call her a "ho". I can recall a dude on my job tellin me this married women on my job fucked some guy from the mail room. And I knew for a fact she wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot pole. But dude is tellin me this shit like he witnessed it for himself.
So I would say you gotta ask yourself how credible the source of your information is and also realize there is a double standard. Normal sexual activity doesn't make a female a ho. Funny how if a girl fucks two guys it's train. If a guy fucks two girls it's a minage.
I found it very entertaining. But then I always take what I hear from other people with a grain of salt. If I see that you act extra thirsty around every dude you meet and people start calling you a hoe, I'm inclined to agree. But if I don't know you from Adam & Eve then I simply file it under "unconfirmed" until I see some proof or strong evidence. True, some people are gossips but mostly you know who is and isn't a reliable source. Example: the girl who isn't that cute & is salty b/c she can't pull dudes like the "hoe" in question, is unreliable. The nice guy who didn't know any better, honestly tried to date ole girl and walks in on her giving his roommate a BJ, is a reliable source.
I guess my whole point is, don't drag someone's name in the mud if you don't know anything about them. But don't defend people who don't deserve it!
not your best work… The problem is Men think they have the power to proclaim a woman is a hoe because she gave him or his boy a good time too soon in there opinion. Other women understand this and have recognized how hypocritical you are or can be & we just don't believe all of your hype.
Judging people by their behavior is a necessary fact of life and it's built in to our society at all levels – resumes, credit reports, relationships, acceptance into college based on GPA, etc. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. With that being said it should only be a starting point, not carved in stone. We should have enough sense to allow people the opportunity to grow. Good post, Dr. J.
"The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. With that being said it should only be a starting point, not carved in stone. We should have enough sense to allow people the opportunity to grow."
I completely agree with this. This is why I wrote a while ago here that people need to own up to their past rather than make excuses for it. Good comment.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
______________________________________________
But we can't judge future behavior on shotty information or one single event. Credit reports, resumes and GPAs measure your performance over many years or many events. A girl can suck one dick and she is a ho for life. Not to mention the gossip factor again. A girl can fuck two guys and by next year, the rumor is she fucked the whole football team.
Not to mention people change. Some people don't believe that but I do. I've pointed out to many people before having this same discussion that Oprah Winfrey was a ho.
Based on "We Love's" blog, nothing eludes that the information given about the said "ho" is shotty or a single event situation. He left that up to the reader's interpretation. Segmenting my comment and then reiterating my point works though. I'm glad we can agree. It's only a starting point and we should have enough compassion to allow people the opportunity to grow. Some people say grow, some say change.
I didn't factor in the gossip factor at all, but that does add to the discussion. We've all heard the saying "Perception is reality". Such a damning statement if twisted. Whose perception? My perception or your perception? My reality or your reality? When dealing with a gossiper you should ask yourself… Am I going to allow another person's perception dictate my reality? I'm a "ho" because he says I'm a "ho"? Or I'm a "ho" because I know I'm a "ho"?
Personally, "My perception is my reality" is the only truth. I say, do you and live with your decisions. F*ck a gossip or another persons perceptions of my life, they will not define me.
again men putting women into a box because of what they did or didnt do Its all the same Perception is key If you see me as a hoe cause i called ya girls number to tell her Look I think I may be being played (why again should I automatically think this girl is a hoe?)
My bad its not just men who do it But the only reason I think women do it to other women is because men do it I cant or dont want to break that down any further It runs way too deep But basically Yes if it walks, quacks and ect It is what it is But Your story Just reaffirms how loosely the word is thrown
I think I see where this post was trying to go (sans the story at the end). Can't co-sign it, but there are some valid points within. I've dated a crazy chick and told other dudes she was crazy. Nobody dated her…til one day someone tried and within a week they said she was crazy. So there is some merit here.
However, I think we need to have a consortium of the blogosphere and agree to banish certain topics. The who is and what is a ho is one of them. Nothing good ever seems to come of it when those words are thrown around.
I concur. I think that the real problem here is that the "other woman calling to tell you she has been sleeping with your man" situation is being compared to the "my female friend who doesn't know you pointed you out in the club as a ho" situation in terms of who we should give the benefit of the doubt to. I mean really – if nothing was going on, how and why would Anna even have the girlfriend's number and be able to speak about her man? It's not damning, but it certainly warrants more investigation than what is clearly a case of hatin' in the club.
"Clearly a case of hatin in the club"
two different senarios compleatly Just as either female could be that hoe Either female could be that cazy hoe
I have been labled crazy once or twice No I dont like it because it dose not define me But if you are one of the few who know me as crazy Consider yourself blessed You have not been bought up on charges Cause you call me crazy enough Im a show you crazy
laughing like snoopy and walking out of the room….
Problem with "hoes" "promiscuous" or liberated women is that well you cant trust em. You ever notice that people that have sex with ALLLLLLLLLLLLLOT of people somehow get warped in the process? Like they get so comfy with sex that cheating is no big deal to them.
The Don says Problem with “hoes” “promiscuous” or liberated women is that well you cant trust em. You ever notice that people that have sex with ALLLLLLLLLLLLLOT of people somehow get warped in the process? Like they get so comfy with sex that cheating is no big deal to them.
________________________
Or you could marry a virgin. And three years into your marraige she decides to start catchin up on everything she missed out on.
I just never bought into the concept that promiscous people are so different from so called regular folks. Some people use alcohol to deal with their problems. Some use sex. Some excersise compulsively. So what's the difference between them?
Well, there is a difference… Actually there's a big difference between the people who turn to constructive means of dealing with something (religion, education, working out, etc.) and people who delve into destructive means (casual sex, alcohol, drugs).
Nothing is meant to be used as a crutch, but some things are better suited to hold us up for a certain period of time. And will in turn make us a better person.
i would much rather deal with somebody who exercises alot and somebody who wants to drink a martinai for breakfast and have or had sex with 1/2 the room ( she smashed the homie). No body is looking for a saint but brothers dont want the next porn queen
The real question is, why didn’t you give Jeff the benefit of the doubt from the beginning and defend his name to the chick before even bringing this to Jeff?
Because either Jeff did what this woman says he did, or he did SOMETHING bad enough to make this woman angry enough with him to get on the phone and make up a story to slander him. Either way, Jeff ain't innocent here. No woman goes through all the trouble of playing Sherlock Holmes to find your phone number and make up a far fetched story about your man without a reason. And I, for one, would want to know what that reason was before I got mad at anybody.
I don't go out of my way, and I don't believe that most women go out of their way, to defend other women from being being called slut's, hoes, or jumpoffs. I think the real issue here is that most of the time a woman is being called any of those names its not because of anything she has actually DONE but its moreso about how she is being PERCEIVED by the person doing the labeling. How many men actually know the sexual history of every women they have ever called a slut, hoe, or jumpoff?
If a woman is promiscuous, and you can actually tell me something along the lines of "my best friend from high school told me he and like 5 Alphas ran a train on her back at Howard" then I'll side with you that the chick may be a hoe. If you tell me something about how your female friend gets a bad "vibe" from her or how some dude you barely know, who didn't even smash–God! I hate that word–says she's a hoe because her credit is bad and she's always in the club….I'm gonna tell you to go get some business and get out of my face.
Why don't you men organize a consortium of some sort and come of up with some definition of the word "hoe" that all men agree to abide by?
If you were to say any woman that has had sex with "3+ men in one year is a hoe." A year being defined as any continuous 12 month period time. Atleast then we would all know exactly what a hoe is and what a hoe isn't instead of these nebulous definitions that men change depending upon the weather.
The thing about it Jamila is this… no man really cares about the definition of the word, "ho."
It isn't an indicator of whether a man will sleep with, wife down, not wife down, or break up with a girl because she's a "ho." It happens all the time.
What we don't like is women in denial…
Denial of what?
How is not desiring to be called a word by someone who can't–or won't, to be more precise–even define said word, being in denial? If your boss called you a "b*tch" and then told you he can't really define the word, but you should just accept that label or else your in denial, would you accept it? Would you happily come skipping down the hall to his office when he called you that in public?
It seems to me that people should refrain from using words when they have no idea of the meaning of that word or how it affects the feelings and life of the person being labeled with it.
Oh, and btw, men DO care about the definition of the word "ho".
Introduce me to the man with no history of mental illness who happily tells his homeboys about the "ho" he's currently in love with and I'll give you every dollar in bank account.
Introduce me to the woman who hasn't been somebody's ho at some point in her life.
I agree with you Dr. J,
Every woman that isn't a virgin has probably been called a hoe by some man at some point. That kinda echos what Anna N. said about any woman who steps out of line being slapped with that label. But the point is that "hoe" is a demeaning term. It is not a word with a positive definition so it's being disengenuous (sp?) to say no man cares about the definition because when a man says the word "hoe" he has a demeaning definition in mind.
Thats the point I was trying to make: that the word is derogatory and if you are going to use that word then you should have a reason why you are using it and an understanding of what it means.
They won't come up with a hard definition of ho because then they'd be unable to continue applying the term to any woman who steps out of line. And to your earlier comment, I agree totally. Women aren't really that defensive of other women, especially calling another woman a "ho". After all, it diverts attention from whatever ho-tivities the accuser has been involved in, lol. Hell, I too have enjoyed calling a woman a ho and probably will again – I just don't see calling someone that without a reason.
Why don’t you men organize a consortium of some sort and come of up with some definition of the word “hoe” that all men agree to abide by?
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Well in my circle a ho is not really defined by the number of people she fucks a lot dudes that don't even respect her. Like she'll fuck any dude no matter how he treats her.
But the problem is dudes use that lable also for "Femals that won't fuck them." "Ex-girlfriends that cheated on them." "Females that give head too early" "Females that fucked more than two dudes they know. (regardless of the time span.)" "Or just females they don't like in general"
So the word ho has many different uses.
how can we be in denial if you cant define the term Am I a hoe for calling a woman to find out if shes screwing a man I thinkis mine
Im a hoe because i screwed more than than Insert # here In a 12 month period
or am I a hoe because I screwed your homeboy really good and by the time he told you how in love he was with me I had moved on
It seems as the denial is on you I get it im a hoe if it works for you
Because of this train of thought by every definition posted We got Crazy runnin ramped
"Theo, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard." – Mr. Cosby
Methinks the only point of this post was to be inflammatory. Mission: Accomplished.
Jamila says Oh, and btw, men DO care about the definition of the word “ho”.
Introduce me to the man with no history of mental illness who happily tells his homeboys about the “ho” he’s currently in love with and I’ll give you every dollar in bank account.
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So you've never heard the term "Captain Save a Ho"
There are so many of these dudes they have a name for it.
Yes but they dont admit to being Captin save a ho Thats just what others call him
As Laurinsofia said, these guys don't actually think they're with hoes. Everybody else knowing that the chick is a hoe is one thing, but for the guy himself to actually verbally acknowledge that the chick he loves is a no good scally wag is something else.
Normally the guy has to be told over and over again by his boys that the girl is a hoe and then when he finally gets burned by her he believes it himself.
Phaaaa. Yall are giving dudes waaaaaaay to much credit. Trust me. There are dudes that know they are with a bonified, certified, ISO9000 ho. I mean seriously. Half the time even prostitutes have boyfriends.
I know yall think dudes are judgemental. But the dudes who stay with these types of females are the ones that are not judgmental. They don't care what she does or has done or is doing. They love her anyway.
To be honest I think that's the Christian way to treat people. But most dudes just say "You Savin Em" which is a put down.
Seattle Washington says Well, there is a difference… Actually there’s a big difference between the people who turn to constructive means of dealing with something (religion, education, working out, etc.) and people who delve into destructive means (casual sex, alcohol, drugs).
Nothing is meant to be used as a crutch, but some things are better suited to hold us up for a certain period of time. And will in turn make us a better person.
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The pathology is still the same even though people choose different coping mechanisms. And anything done in excess including excersise and religion will hurt you eventually.
The reason the "ho" issue keeps popping up is because some of you youngsters insist on applying the term all willy-nilly and then want to get into philosophical conversations when someone calls you out. Really – you, as the writer, are a man. The readership is mostly women. And ALL OF US (yes, even the virgins) have at some point been called a ho – for no good reason. I'm not talkin' bout someone who KNOWS what you did. I'm talkin' bout the men that J (the one with some sense) listed earlier – the guy who I turned down for a date, the guy who was recently dumped and salty about it, etc.
I'll give you the same advice I'd give a female friend who kept talking about "shiftless negroes" and "dl dudes". All women aren't like that. Matter of fact, contrary to your earlier statements MOST women aren't like that. Non-hoes aren't the exception, they're the rule. But if you feel like you keep running into and hearing about hoes maybe it's time you checked your standards. Only thing those "hoes" have in common is you.
Laugh Out Loud !!! Thks Anna N
I gotta say Anna…I'm glad I never caused you to unleash such a fury on me and I hope that day never comes.lol.
Son.
I'm real late to the conversation and Anna said everything I wanted to say…*kanyeshrug* see you next topic friends.
i have a nice shape and i dont look to bad…many times ive been called a hoe simply cause of that- i cant help it if my pants cant keep a secret or if my shirt has a surplus….. it is what it is.
i know this was completly irrelevant…my bad but seriously woman aren't hoe's some just haven't discovered their own self worth yet…until they do try telling them how beautiful they are…instead of being so determined to peirce them with your man hood…