Variety is the spice of life
One of the most annoying but necessary evils of sexual relations is wrapping it up. I think a little piece of every man dies every time he cops a box of rubbers, especially if it’s a last minute purchase at a corner store or a gas station. ::Yeah, let me get $40 on 8, a box of Parliaments…short, a dutch, and ummmmm (whispers) a box of Magnums:: Then comes the awkward transition from foreplay to coitus while he anxiously puts the condom on. (I wonder what people think about during that time…) On the one hand, I suppose it beats the hell out of no sex at all or rubbing it out yourself, but sex with a rubber is like driving a race car on I95 doing the speed limit. What’s the damn point?
I’d like to take a quick moment to clarify a myth. The myth being that men are the only ones that hate rubbers. Women hate the fact that men have to wear rubbers and would probably give their last breath and every purse in their collection for a skin to skin worry free trip(s) to their preferred Rampin’ Shop. (See Usher’s “That’s What It’s Made For) That euphoric feeling of hot, wet flesh pressed up against each other is priceless. Well actually…it can range anywhere from $20 to $4,500, or as we call it here in New York, Elliot Spitzer dollars.
One of the perks of commitment is usually the pleasure of bare relations, because at some point in every flourishing relationship, the gloves have to come off, and not in the C. Brown/Rihanna sense. But when is the right time to love without a glove? Does the designation of titles automatically qualify you for the Everynight RAW sweepstakes? Once one party gets weary of using condoms the “Don’t You Trust Me” question is never too far behind. Even in prolonged “FWB” situations, there is usually a relationship developed that is sometimes steeped in a trust established that is more like a mutual understanding an expectation to not leave your f*ck buddy hanging you out to dry. But can the desire to do it raw cloud this particular decision making process? After all, it is human instinct to pursue what they truly desire by any means necessary. So when a guy says “Yea, I’ll be ready if we have a baby”, that really means, “These rubbers are choking the end of my shaft and I’ll jump out a window if I have to keep wearin’ them.” Conversely, sometimes when a lady says “Yes, I’m on the pill”, that usually means, “My homegirl got the hookup on Plan B…and your eyes are too close together, I’d probably never bear your child anyway.”
Most people base the decision on whether or not to use protection on their primal instincts instead of serious discussion on how to handle the possible implications of enjoying each other sans latex. Birth control and the advent of Plan B have made the decision seem a bit more logical, but you always have to keep in mind the other life sentence that can be handed down from raw beats is that good old boogie monster. In a lot of situations, the decision about gloves can be a dealbreaker for some. It can turn FWB situations sour and be the elephant in the bedroom for people in relationships. (If you’re married and still wearing condoms that’s just plain silly.) In an effort to preserve their relationships, peope usually don’t keep it real with each other, and have a tendency say what they think the other person wants to hear for fear they might lose whatever they currently have going. The problem with this is that someone ends up burned or knocked up and very unhappy.
But you only live once right?
What it is my good people? Ever had some good lovin’ come to an end because someone didn’t trust you enough to ride bareback? Anyone going through this now? And uh…if you have any horror stories, keep ‘em to yourself…it’s Friday, no one is trying to hear that sh*t right now.
Baby I like it raw,
this is the 21st century…it comes with a lot of diseases and lets not forget pregnancy. if you dont want to put a ring on it and then go skinny dipping..then buck up, stop complaining and use a condom.there is nothing like trust in sex.
trust someone who im not married to and get an std or get pregnant vs. condom or the 'pains' of it.there is no question of what i'd choose.
"(If you’re married and still wearing condoms that’s just plain silly.)"
Actually it's not. Women (like me) whose body cannot tolerate hormonal birth control use condoms..don't even get me started on the annoyance of diaphragms and/or sponges <— they suck (for me anyway) ..yeah, yeah…tmi, I know.
Rhythm method can work…but ONLY if you are totally aware of the changes of your body…still the safe bet would be some kind of barrier method.
I have the copper T UID. Its non-hormonal and lasts up to 10 years. All it takes is a 15 minute doctor or nurse visit for insertion and your partner cannot feel it. It's also completely reversible and can be taken out by your health care provider just as quickly as it was put in or you can pull it out youself (something I don't advise, but its an option).
More women, especially black women, should be using IUD's instead of pills and condoms. Compared to the rates at which European women are using IUD's here in America we're basically in the stone ages.
What amazes me is how dudes will test females….On several occassions, I have been in the moment with a guy, and Im trying to hold him off to go any further in hopes that he will reach for a condom….but NAW….I have to literally say…DO YOU HAVE ANY CONDOMS…..then I get the sad face, and a yes…. DUDE…whether you know me like that or not…Do you easily trust me enough to just gamble with life like that? That totally makes me question how many women have you actually tried that with and succeeded….
Women test men all the time too, it's not that one sided. Like Slim said…they are waaaay more women who will not even question condom usage and won't even bring it up if the guy won't, than those who do…especially if she thinks it will gain something else (like a relationship, which is stupid).
I've had women kind of test me. I have a move that allows me to put on a strap without stopping the natural momentum of the situation (I might share my secret one day) … but … several times do I get the text/call the next day saying "Did you have a condom on?"
I always pause and think … "Aren't you asking a little too late?"
"“Aren’t you asking a little too late?”"
Basically!!! They started thinking about the consequences and then the ohsh*tness kicked in.
My name is Slim Jackson and I support this post. C's are a necessary evil, but I hate 'em. I hate 'em! Is there really a smooth way to put one on? lol.
I will say that more women are fine with taking strokes medium-rare or completely rare than most would be willing to publicly admit. I've had way too many conversations with chicks where they're telling me about a past encounter with a FwB or non-significant other and she had to pass him a towel to wipe up the kids. Though it's possible he's ripping off the C right before he blasts off, I highly doubt it.
Hmm, here's an interesting idea. Instead of people asking how many people their partner has slept with, how about we ask how many people they've had unprotected s*x with? Is it possible that this might be a better indicator of how much they value their lives or themselves? (Not whether they are a ho or not. Don't wanna go back to yesterday.)
I know nobody would probably answer the question, but I think it is a good one. If a chick has been with 5 guys (#noburgers) and has went raw with all of them…ehh, you get my drift. And yeah, go ahead and apply this to men as well.
Add the caveat "without being tested" then I would agree…somewhat
Does anybody really ever see proof that the other person has been tested?
That's my point actually in a roundabout way….and another test
I got proof… on paper w/ the doctor's signature. Lol.
I was thinking about having dude's getting their sh*t notarized.
So Flyy and myself are on the same page. I def have proof. I've heard that some people have small cards laminated with their status ~~>> #Imclean
"I will say that more women are fine with taking strokes medium-rare or completely rare than most would be willing to publicly admit."
Word.
"Is there really a smooth way to put one on? lol."
Let her do it***……..think it about it *smirk*
***trust is implied here
Yep…I know what you're getting at, and that definitely requires trust. What if she got sharp teeth?
If she's using her teeth…something is wrong…
There is a smooth way to put a condom on … FYI
…and you not telling because….?
I mean … I can't be putting all my business out there …
but how're you going to drop that bomb then not share…you ain't right man, lol, you ain't right.
Who you callin' a ho?!? LOL!!!
Seriously, you're suggestion is one that I (and several other ladies who visit this blog) have been supporting through all the "What's your magic number?" debate. The more important questions are: "How many people have you had unprotected sex with?" and even more important "When's the last time you were tested?" or even better "Let's get tested together."
I think that one day, getting tested together will be like going on any other date.
I can't bust with a C on… so I always need a wet-nap after the kids go flying.
Plus if you are going to ruin the taboo of going raw atl east let me have the pleasure of seeing my sea man on your skin. AT LEAST
TMI? I think not
@Slim
Please clarify Medium Rare
Rolling the jawn up just past the head of your piece and just stroking the with your shaft.
Also known as rocking a skully.
H@lla @ me. We here at True2Life Adult entertainment have started a alternative condom line. Including the C vest: That just covers the top of the piece and your main vein is free to feel the gushy. And the Jamaican T-Shirt: made from your favorite Rastafarian's Mesh T-shirt.
thanku noble sir!
omg
lol
you go boy
I had to stop talking to a FWB once she started letting me beat it raw, I knew she was getting way too attached and I also knew I would despise having a kid by her. Even though she said she was on birth control I just couldn't get over that. And once you start going raw nobody wants to put the condom back on.
"I had to stop talking to a FWB once she started letting me beat it raw"
Did you stop talking to her because started feeling something that was way more serious than what you wanted or was it because you felt like you just couldn't go back to using condoms with her after the feel of au natural?
I am happy to say that so far this has been a non-issue for me; I can only recall one instance of me asking for a condom and dude being all "do I have to? I swear I'm clean" and it took no more than a quick side-eye from me to get him on track.
I don't think I could ever be comfortable with making the switch to bareback with someone. It requires a level of trust that I don't think I'm capable of. I think it's true what RCLS said – that peope usually don’t keep it real with each other, and have a tendency say what they think the other person wants to hear for fear they might lose whatever they currently have going.
All the stress and anxiety I would have about going raw dog with someone would kill any possibility of enjoyment out of the act for me.
co-sign. it requires some serious trust and also some type of commitment to the situation. i honestly can't even imagine risking… well, everything, to go there w someone. Maybe someday I'll be on the other side but for right now..I'm still stuck trying to figure out how to have SAFE sex w someone without getting f'd over/ treated like a JO/ or "played" for what else is out there.
my ex told me the other day he thinks that raw sex is the stuff that holds relationships together . at first i thought that was ridic, but i think there's something to it.he says raw sex is so good that you just keep going back (even when u dont want to) and that eventually if you keep doing it long enough, you WILL have feelings/some sort of intense bond with that person, solidifying a serious LTR. even for a dude.
he explained his success/ level of act right in his new relationship in a way that didn't occur to me before. He couldn't go back to using condoms with her, and yes, it was a huge risk, but he had no interest random sex w the next chick partially because of the condom thing. he says its just not the same so whats the point. i was like damn… so to keep u from cheating on me i just had to uhhh… risk my life? i see.
i'm not sure if raw sex is a cause or effect though. is it happening because you have so much passion for this person or do you develop that intense passion because of the raw sex?
He couldn’t go back to using condoms with her, and yes, it was a huge risk, but he had no interest random sex w the next chick partially because of the condom thing. he says its just not the same so whats the point. i was like damn… so to keep u from cheating on me i just had to uhhh… risk my life?
^^
#Swindle
you thought so too? lol
co-sign. it requires serious trust and also some type of commitment to the situation. i honestly can't even imagine risking… well, everything, to go there w/ someone. Maybe someday I'll be on the other side but for right now..I'm still stuck trying to figure out how to have SAFE sex w someone without getting f'd over/ treated like a JO/ or "played" for what else is out there.
my ex told me the other day he thinks that raw sex is the stuff that holds relationships together .at first i thought that was ridic, but i think there MIGHT be something to it.he says raw sex is so good that you just keep going back (even when u dont want to) and that eventually if you keep doing it long enough, you WILL have feelings/some sort of intense bond with that person, solidifying a serious LTR.
he explained his success/ level of act right in his new relationship in a way that didn't occur to me before. He couldn't go back to using condoms with her, and yes, it was a huge risk, but he had no interest random sex with the next chick partially because of the condom thing. he says its just not the same so whats the point? i was like damn… so to keep u from cheating on me i just had to uhhh… risk my life? i see.
i'm not sure if raw sex is a cause or effect though. is it happening because you have so much passion for this person or do you develop that intense passion because of the raw sex?
A dude asking "Do I have to?" would be a complete mood killer for me. Right then I would just assume that he'd already contracted one of the Forevers.
I'm in a committed relationship where we've made a decision to do it one way or the other. She's on BC and we're still both tested regularly. Whatever our decision was we made after some long discussions and pretty deep into the relationship.
However, before this relationship the C boys (via Cassidy – very underrated rapper) were necessary evils. They're like getting a needle. You hate getting them but when you're done you glad you did, plus they help you keep away diseases. Also, nowadays they got the shared pleasure boys which are serious. I think part of the problem is that people are too cheap to buy good condoms or and too lazy to research other than what they hear (Trojans, magnums, etc). Stop being cheap at Duane Reade and stop taking the free ones and go get you a pack of the Her Pleasures and do work.
I've got a trick to putting on the C boy w/o interupting the flow but I dont use it the first time. The first time you want the lady to see what she's getting into (or whats getting into her)
"Also, nowadays they got the shared pleasure boys which are serious"
Speak on it!! Yesssiiir!
i get a little offended when i see a dude coming towards me with a free condom. its like, damn…am i not worth whatever a new box of magnums (hopefully) costs? my brain really works like that.
I've had this conversation w/ the men folk (not MY men folk necessarily) numerous times. It's always kinda… different. A friend of mine "solved" his issue w/ this by escorting his SO to get her BC shot & trusting her not to creep, and she had to trust that he wasn't creeping either. They got tested on a routine schedule together… it was just another part of their relationship. The problem w/ the whole equation though… is the trust. I mean BC is 98% effective, human will is 100% independent. That's all I'm saying.
I am willing to publicly admit *cough, cough at Lex Steele* that I am one of the women that HATE the latex. Ugh… there has got to be another material to make them joints from… I digress… however, I am also the woman the almost got trapped into having some man's baby (b/c I am personally anti abortion) because I SAW him open the condom package… wiggle around to put it on, and later discovered it UNUSED next to the bed. I just about died. Thank God I am OCD about my birth control. His excuse… he wanted a permanent relationship w/ me… and I wasn't cooperating…
He was immediately ethered.
Seeee…this right here….would have me going mental
FOR THE SWINDLE!!!!
Something similar happened to me recently. He took the condom off in the middle of it. He wanted a baby. It's terrifying.
Trojan Supras are made with polyurethane, thinner and stronger than latex and they don't have that nasty latex smell or taste. They are pretty amazing… the only ones that I use now. I have become a condom snob and definitely have a stash of these just incase my dude comes over with those inferior latex things ….
Oh…don't get me wrong…..I hate them, too, for a while I thought I was latex sensitive but it was the spermicide….(just t.m.i all up and through today, smh) but the consequences of BC outweighs the hate of the slimmyjimmychapeau.
Whats funny is I had this exact conversation with some of my homegirls a few days ago!! Heres the gist of my thought process:
when its that interactive and i can feel you im like hmm
then i hear my mom
"i aint raisin no babies"
then my bank account
"Word nikka? u got cash like that? true"
and i come to my senses
My life and health are important enough to strap up. Condoms arent the most effective way to feel seual pleasure, but there most effective in protection from diseases and unwanted bebes kids!
Viva la Latex!
its definitely a personal decision and I don't really talk about it because people totally judge you. but yea, I don't like condoms. some latex seriously "causes problems down there" and its a trial and error thing finding brands that don't eff your good girl up! I agree most women don't like em either but they don't admit it because then people assume you are being reckless with your life. it is what it is.
Damn… Reecie's man got it good.
I am a collection of Reecie comments over the past year. I read them all the time to remind myself that there are 'good women' out there in the world.
I totally agree w/Reecie. More woman than a few are not fans of the latex. That whole body chemistry and latex thing could be an issue…but I'm more inclined to believe it has to do with the need to be skin2skin.
Plus I hate the latex
tastesmellGood Post RCLS!
Men don't like it and women don't either, but I'd take one (not that they are 100%) over a disease and a baby. The gloves (which are also accompanied by BC) will come off when a ring (not a 100% guarantee either but better than nothing) comes on!!
Fif.
Raise your hand if you ever spent more than 20 minutes in the Family Planning section because it's too many damn options!
*Raises Both Hands*
*raises hand*
Personally I'm at a point in my life where I'm either not going to have sex again until I'm married or I'm in a loving LTCR (long-term committed relationship), we've had a discussion about whats going to happen in case I get pregnant, and we've both been tested for STD's.
However you look at it the usage of condoms implies that you either don't truth this person to not give you an STD or you wouldn't not want to have a child with them for whatever reason. Maybe you NEVER want to have a child with them or you just dont want to have a child with them right now. I feel that sex with condoms is in a way holding yourself back from being completely open, trusting and giving with a person. And once you've had amazing sex with someone you love, trust, and give 100% to in the bedroom and out, why go back to having sex that's anything less? Its like going from having fillet mignon sex to being happy with a cheesburger when you can get it. (Perhaps this is just the Catholic in me coming out that I didn't even know was in there; I'm a Protestant BTW)
Anywho, barring medical concerns, having sex with condoms is not something I can see myself ever doing again.
She’s on BC and we’re still both tested regularly
________________________________________
That's the way to do it right there.
Man do condoms suck. Nothing worse than hearing your girl say "Oh dam!! That shit feels good!" And you thinking "Really, I wouldn't know cause I can't feel shit. I may as well be jerkin off."
Next relationship I get into I would wear a condom until I trusted that person to be monogomous. Then start doing regular testing. Cause seriously, sex with a condom is a waste of time.
LMAO…you said waste of time.
On so many levels. LOL. The point of sex is either for pleasure or reproduction. Condoms remove the possibility of either one.
A waste of time? I HAVE to believe that you are exaggerating.
Not really. It really is that bad. I'm a little older than probably many of the people that post here (I'm assuming). Condoms were like a 50/50 thing when I was growing up. People weren't religous about it like they are now. So to be perfectly honest I didn't really get consistent with condom use until my adult life. Now that I am. It really is no comparison to the real deal. Luckily my whole outlook and values have changed over the years so I'm not really concerned with getting all the sex I can get. And even the idea of having sex with someone that you need to use a piece of plastic covering on genitals with…..ROFL The whole idea is obsurd when you really think about it. May as well just wait till you married. Or just lower your expectations about sex. Cause sex with a condom is far from a 10.
Co-sign.
BC and pulling out. That is the way to roll.
I have only had bare relations with one ex-boyfriend. He was "the absolute business" when it came to sex. However, that's the only area where he was the absolute business. Although thankfully, he never got me pregnant, the fact that he never gave me an STD of any sort was nothing short of a merciful blessing. I found out that he was sleeping with numerous other women. That had to end.I even found out after the fact that one chick aborted a child of which he was the father.
With regard to sex, he was "the best I ever had," but multiple big O's are not worth risking my life and well-being!
From now on, it's wrap it up or put it up if you want a little taste of my paradise!!!
I'm pretty rigid when it comes to condom use – Black women are gettin' HIV in the DMV like it's the new Rhi-Rhi haircut, the DL scene is still a boogyman under the bed and I'd rather not play out the pro-choice/pro-life debate on my own uterus. That being said, it's just the grace of God that's kept me disease free so far because while I've been careful I haven't been perfect.
I'm totally allergic to latex. Found out when I worked for a doctor and kept getting itchy hands from the gloves by lunchtime. This led me to explore polyurethane and other materials for those of us who are "latex sensitive" (like Trojan Supras or Lifestyle Skins). They feel a lot better, are thinner than latex and don't smell like old balloons. I highly recommend them. The only problem I've run into is that they don't come in as large a variety of sizes.
Now, I don't worry about it. The SO and I have both been tested, we're planning our wedding, I trust him and I look forward to the day when I have his babies. Sex with no worries is the best sex I've ever had.
My goodness what a lil bunch of nauties you all are (Kidding) But from the looks of things here, the majority is falling on those do, even if only on occastion ridem raw
Too each his own and only you can live your life My only issues are with the tricksters out there who intentionally take them off durring the deed "How effin dare you mf"
Ohh and ladies PSA…… You do know that you must verbally ask for the test for the ones that sick with you for life i.e. the herp or the one that can leave you blind It may be a lil more $ But worth knowing
Damn, I'm glad someone finally said it. There are STDs out there that you have to ASK to be tested for (namely, "the herp" as this sis put it). So while you're sayin "ooh baby i like it raw" because your partner and you have been "tested", you can still be unknowingly contracting/passing along something. Just thought I'd ASE this post since I'm not really sure that all the folks going unprotected knew to ask to be tested for everything before doing so.
yeah for women you have to get blood work for certain tests, and others they can pick up during your annual with the smartpap. but I guess we shouldn't assume responsible grown ups know these things. Ask for specific tests, ladies and gentleman.
I was way into my 20ts before I found out Crazy right It blew me away I wonder if its the same for guys Any takers on that one lol
Well Im glad its the end of the work day ladies lol Cause Im sure with men thinking or referrencing of the deed (How ever many minutes) of any given day We are ruining a lot of thoughts
Just a psa Its the mommy in me sorry
Handle ya business
And be Happy and Safe It is possible
This is the greatest Post Ever.
C are the worst thing to happen to man.
They lied… Raw dog feels better mentally and physically. You don't know what you are missing.
I will be back to comment more later.
mad that i was busy all day and couldn't really chime in on this post. good one though.
How did I miss this post. Great post Lex.
At this point for me jimmy hats are a necessity. I went without once and I dam near went crazy afterward. I got tested 3 months later, six months later, 9 months later and finally calmed down after a year. Can't do it won't do it right now. I think I need to married to be relaxed about it. As for those who are allergic to latex or latex sensitive there's always polyurethane. I'm sensitive to latex, but still opt to use it for the most part b/c it's the most effective and doesn't break as easily as poly. I find "cleaning up" within 5 mins of finishing helps reduce my sensetivity. It is a bit annoying but a necessary evil… I like having peace of mind.
- Someone mentioned being offended by the free condoms… ditto. On another post I said I can't deal with a dude who rolls with lifestyles. A- b/c you're too cheap to purchase little yamakas and B- that spermicide is from the devil. I
Shots and pills won't cure Herpes or HIV. Two or three minutes of romp and roll are not worth the lifetime of shame and guilt that comes from not following your first mind….which is to protect yourself. People with venereal diseases are not going to admit that they have them when they are horny and they have a potential victim in heat…..Besides, I've known married people to creep and infect their spouses. Cover up. It's the best policy.
ok truth is i REFUSE to use one, im allergic plus that ain't the way it was intended!!! i have my calender marked…(and yes i go in for the kill)…(sigh:) i know when to do it and when not to… simple as that and i get tested once a year sometimes more in case i have a relaspe (one night stand) and do some bad girl shi*.. …..
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