Although a lot of women don’t agree with me, seduction is a 2 way street. Yes … courtship (now) goes both ways.
Just as he is wining and dining you, watching Desperate Housewives with you, and putting up with your cackling and annoying female friends … any woman looking to earn the coveted “wifey” title should be focused on impressing that special guy.
There are plenty of ways to do this. So many ways … kinda boggles the mind. Cook him a homemade dinner, surprise him with some lingerie, or giving him some porn star quality head special attention. But one way to make him look at you in a different light, one way to finally get out of the jumpoff category (ok … there is rarely anyway to lose the JO label), one way to getting one step closer to earning your MRS … be cool.
Yeah … be motherf*cking cool
When we think of women … a few words and images come to mind. Of course you have that “mother of my child”, “life giver”, and emotional caregiver that we all love. But … really … nagging, demanding, and “always bugging the living f*ck out of me” also come to mind. One way to differentiate yourself from every other chicken head woman vying for his attention is to be the cool one who he just … enjoys.
Because a person who just tells you what to do without giving some tips and hints is … well … useless … I am going to share some time tested methods to become that cool chic that is the envy of every guy.
Watch whatever he likes with him … and … DON’T ASK QUESTIONS
Some guys love football, some are basketball fans, some crave golf, while others are into 24 or Heroes. Whatever it is, watch it with him once in awhile, and don’t ruin his show. Extra points if you make him something to eat with it.
Go with him to the strip club
Now … I know you don’t want to go see some titties in your face (well … if your north of the Mason Dixon … cause southern women seem to love them some strip clubs), but if he is a fan … prepare to earn yourself some brownie points. Double if you make it rain.
Don’t Nag … make jokes
When one guy has a problem with another, when he is being annoyed, or when his boy is f*cking up … he jokes (aka clowns … aka jones on) him. Adopt this approach for 75% of the things you want to “have a talk about”. Instead of yelling at him for being late, tell him they should rename CP time after him. Think about it … you’ll be considered “cool” in no time.
Bring home some beer/cognac
Bring him his favorite drink … as a surprise. And don’t being something for both of you, don’t bring something he hates but you love … bring him some good “yac” or his favorite beer (probably Corona). And if you don’t know what that is … then your slipping!
Give him head in the car
Uh … self explanitory.
While every guy loves a “cool girl” … not everyone is going to fall in love with one. While you go and prove you him that you can be fun and relaxed too … don’t forget how to be a woman. No one is trying to f*ck one of the boys.
I think this is just a given. I mean, it goes along with the "you can get whatever you want if you ask for it nicely rule". Nobody wants to cater to a b!tch. And I've learned that you can get through to a man better when you "talk his talk". Now reverse it. How turned off would you be ladies if you were with a guy who nagged you, fussed at every little thing you did, and was always up tight? I crack jokes all the time because that's just my nature. But if you can't be funny, at least be nice (when it's deserved of course).
i would be very turned off because a man would get mad if u nagged him
I agree with you on this post. Although, it may be easier said than done. Women are typically, emotionally driven. So, being cool isn't really something that comes naturally to us in the emotional sense. I think we have established that men like head, in previous postings.(geez)….I am up for all of these ideas..but, the only one that would possibly stump me is the being cool when annoyed, angry or generally upset….If only I could. sigh.
Great post……..i guess i need to work more on being cool. like QueenT said above, it's easier said than done… Im up for cooking or watching his fave shows. need to learn how to try to make the situation lighter when a man is really annoying me….
Nice. Not much of a comment today, but this is nice. The strip club idea is pretty cute and funny. Lol I got asked for the head in the car and he got that #NiggaI KNOWHowYouDriveNoThanks look. I wasn't wrong. Under other circumstances, it may have been considered but he drives funny.. That's my life in his hands
or in my mouth. Ehh either way, I like this list. Everything looks good to me! ^_^I think many women forget that men are humans and that humans in many ways are like computers. If you want a certain output you have to put in a certain input. If nagging doesnt get you what you want, why would you continue to do it? It's like pressing the X button on a computer and being angry the comp wont print. The rest of the list is solid
True. You keep doing what you're doing you're going to keep getting what you're getting.
another thing, women tend to give men what we as women want to receive, then get mad when men throw the side eye wondering what the hell we were thinking.
LOL!! Only if the world was this perfect (for men). I'm sure both parties have an idea of what a cool bf/gf is. But according to this- we woman had better fall in line if we want to keep a man.
I didn't say "fall in line" or that there is any need to check yourself. Just as any man is expected to do certain things for the woman he loves I think there are a couple things women can do to make us happy.
You act like I said "Shut up and take that d*" …
lol@ act like. The reality is- both parties have to make a sacrifice if they want to keep a relationship. Yes i actually agree with u- women need to chill on nagging and being demanding but the reality for someone like me (who's Nigerian)- in the world i come from- we are expected to 'fall in line' and try and fit into the guys expectations of being a wife. God forbid we women expect a man to prove to us that they are husband material. As i said- its a world i come from- and one just masters the art of 'falling in line'. No biggie. Luckily for me- my bf is pretty cool.
i can get with this list. especially the bring him his favorite drink (vodka, preferably stoli) or beer (heinekin or bud light lime) and watch tv with him AND be able to relate and talk about it (heroes or lost). in my book you add these and a couple more things and you are headed in the right direction.
I don't like being nagged, so I don't do it. I hate when people interrupt my shows with a bunch of questions or an attenpt to talk to me about something other than my show, so I don't do it. And I love getting unsolicited, unexpected face, so I try to oblige. Surprise head makes the world go round… good list SBM!!
I love how – on this blog – all roads lead to head.
What can I say? I've started a monster. I got the ladies on the come up though. Next week is gonna piss a lot of people off.
Uh oh…..Oh Lawd…
Take that as an indication on what is on our minds for some 75% of the day. While there is a slight possibility that we overexxagerate the importance of head, I'm willing to bet money that we are right on target with the rest of men.
Head is lifeeeeeeeee. Just face re-a-li-ty!!!
**Gunshots and airhorns**
Max always gets it…
While every guy loves a “cool girl” … not everyone is going to fall in love with one.
My only comment would be to heed this warning. I have always been the quintessential "cool girl" and in someways it's garnered me more losses than wins. While all of the tips mentioned above can keep you in your man's good graces or help swing things in your favor when your potential SO decides he wants to settle down, don't forget there are no guarantees. Men are good for giving a chick the "I just don't get the girlfriend vibe from you
no matter how cool you are, how often we hangout and how much I enjoy sleeping with you… in fact, I wanna keep doing that but just not wife you.".Play it cool but don't play yourself…
It is a very delicate balancing act, but if it is done right the ability to "Be Cool" will always work in your favor.
Ehhhh… I guess we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one. "Done right" differs from guy to guy and some guys just don't want a girlfriend/wifey/SO that is "cool". Like CocoaPrototype, I've been passed up when a dude is ready to settle down and then had the same guy come to my door and go "why doesn't she understand me like you do". My reply of course is always "you wanted to date her, not me, and she is who she is, and she's not me". Some men don't want a homie/lover/friend.
That being said, I'll still always be the "cool girl" not because I'm trying to be but because it's just who I am. I have a lot of male friends and I see the BS they put up w/ from the chicks they date and I never want to come off like that. My mom was a laid back, didn't trip type of woman who carried a flask of Grand Marnier in her purse at all times and was quick to call a baby sitter so she could accompany my dad to the fight in Vegas or A.C. or fly off with him to the Superbowl. She set the example and I followed it.
I can get with 50 percent what's on your list–but the strip club and head in the car–no. Why? Why we do we have to go to a strip club? Why don't we put on a private strip show…and as far as the head in the car–you do have to be special to get that type of treatment. If he's taking care of his business like he's supposed to inside and outside of the bedroom; then he'll be well taken care of and I'll admit, doing things in unlikely places might take place–but just to do it to be cool–not going to happen.
I'm not saying to go around doming guys up on the first date under the premise of "being cool". But, once you netted him or when you are trying to move to that next level … please feel free to employ the entire list.
Also, the private strip show aint nothing too special. That should happen. The fact that you are comfortable enough with yourself and willing to go outside your comfort zone is what makes it "cool". You don't get that from a private show.
SBM–I can get with the "once I netted him" – spicing it up a little. I still can't get down with the strip club–unless he's also willing to go to one with me with male dancers.
"Play it cool but don’t play yourself…" – Ms. Cherry
Agreed. That should be at the end of the list.
I actually wouldn't recommend chicks do this list if they actually want to be taken seriously. To be honest with you, if the things on this list are things you want to do that's fine. But real talk, dudes don't wife down the women who do everything they want, give them everything they want, act "cool," etc. Like real talk, the way that ends is, I know you will do everything I want you to do for me, so why am I wifing you down?
You don't have to watch what I want to watch with me, just leave me alone while I do it. You don't have to go to the strip club with me, just don't tell me I can't go. Nagging is a valid point, nobody likes that shit. You don't have to bring me beer or cognac, but you can bring me A beer or A glass of cognac from the kitchen without me having to get it myself. And I mean, head in the car? I'm going to give that a push. It can go either way.
Thank you Dr. J! I so agree with you! I've always been the "cool" girl. I'll go to the stripclub with you, watch p*rn with you, give you head in the car, and i never nag or ask where you've been. But I'm always the f*ckbuddy, never the wifey. Me being so cool just makes guys want to keep me around and continue to use me for my coolness without commitment. The last pseudo-relationship I was in for a year, I did all that cool stuff. But he kept saying he "wasn't ready for a relationship". But the last girl he had wifed down was a total bossy b*tch.
I completely agree with Ms. Cherry as I've had more losses than wins as well by following a lot of the rules on this particular list (Losses – countless, Wins – VERY few). I stay in the cool-girl zone and get passed up when the guy is actually ready to settle down in a relationship. I don't think I could ever NOT be a cool girl but I know from experience that guys aren't really LOOKING for a cool girl…
“Play it cool but don’t play yourself…” – Ms. Cherry
I enjoy your blog, SBM. But this post holds no merit.
Not saying that every guy wants the "cool girl" … because that is another way of saying "one of the boys". I do think every guy wants a girl to just "be cool" about certain sh*.
That is all
in my experience, being the "cool" girl might slightly increase your chances, but it's still only a slight chance he will end up wifing you. more likely he'll just keep you around as long as he can while doing as little as possible.
I don't have a problem doing any of the things mentioned above, whether or not its considered "cool". However, the strip club thing is something that I won't jump to do. Like I don't understand what men get out of having their gf at a strip with them…
I say HELL TO THE NO on going to the strip club (because for real, would he come with me to a male strip club??), and "ehhhhh…" to head in the car, which sounds like a quick road to disaster to me, particularly if the car is in motion. Wanna talk about the dangers of "texting while driving"? How about "heading while driving?" yikes!!
Actually, if done properly, head while driving can be a very relaxing experience.
I'm assuming we're talking about the man being the recipient? Because I can only imagine what twisted, uncomfortably awkward position the man or woman (being inclusive here!) would have to get into if the recipient was a female!
That would involve stopping the car.
This list is viewed with Utopiotic eyes.
I feel like some can be performed while others are a pipe dream. There has to be a happy medium, but definitely know that these points integrated in your normal behavioural patters will make life for both of you a lil less stressful!
Ladies.. this list is simple and easy. If you can't come off these five, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
CheeKZ, you are living in a fantasy world…simple and easy? Not really….if it were more women would be considered "cool" and thus making this post, unnecessary.
Naw, its pretty simple and easy. And there are a million simple and easy things that people (both women and men) refuse to do. So the low adoption rate of these practices is not an indication of how simple or easy they are.
Actually, I DID all these for a guy I was head-over-heels in love with in college. He broke up with me & got married in less than a year.
It doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
Oh, where were you, Ms. Cherry when I needed you?
Are dudes really tryna wife a woman (legally…not that wifey ish) that goes to the strip club with them? I mean, I've been with my male platonic friends, but I think going with my man would make us both a little uncomfortable.
I want a woman who will go with me. It's sexy.
And I would wife her … asap.
So would you wife a woman who engages in threesomes (2 females, 1 male)?
Yes, I have first hand experience. And they are a happily married couple.
“Play it cool but don’t play yourself…” – Ms. Cherry
I've been following this blog for a bit now and I must say it has yet to disappoint! You gentlemen are quite talented.
Truer words were never spoken Ms. Cherry. You can be "cool" and play yourself out of position. I don't know that any of the above suggestions will help any woman along in her journey to acquiring that MRS. Rather, I think they will definitely get you that FWB title…and how many of us intentionally work towards that…?
Cool doesn't mean accept any and everything. Cool is a manner or an approach.
I think there is a way to be cool even when you are upset or angry about something. I rarely hold things in but I never nag or bitch. I just come out and say what the issue is and I make sure I frame in the right way. Tha't's the key. Then I give him some space. Works like a charm. If a man really cares about you then he doesn't intentionally wants to hurt you. Intentional is the operative word. Also, cool relates to giving someone space and allowing them to reach out to you. Not calling 24/7.
I start doing the same with my teenage son, after nagging about grades and college, to no avail. It works on him as well. Lol!!!
One quick note: If you are not in contention to be wifey, then being cool or anything else will not work!!
The reality is that guys will date some woman for a long time knowing full well that the woman can never/will never be Mrs.
I've always said being "the cool girl" has been my demise. Almost every guy that I've befriended, loves being around me, but they never want to be with me. They see me as the friend, and not the woman. Similar to Ms. Cherry, my married friends complain about their women and all the nagging they do; but hey, they proposed to the naggers. Of course, I still listen to them complain about their wives as we watch a basketball game. So for me, again, being the cool girl has not worked in my favor. Its ruined me!
…being the cool girl has not worked in my favor. Its ruined me!
A therapist once told me that all the bastardly deeds I've witnessed and male griminess I've been exposed to has traumatized me. lol.
Sooo I am not 2 sure about the make jokes things. I find that some men can be sensitive to hearing things like that from a woman OR cant take humor… doesnt always work.
Making jokes about some small things which irritate me works wonders! He laughs, I laugh and it NEVER happens again. Works like a charm.
I somewhat liked this post, but in some respects I have to disagree, or question, rather.
I feel like I have DEFINITELY been the "cool" girl who 'he' has simply enjoyed but that got me nowhere. There are two specific men I am thinking of when I read this and think of my situations. I've sat for hours and watched the football games, COD, Madden video games etc.
Brought the beer/alcohol over.
'surprised' them with breakfast
not been a jealous hood rat or obnoxiously questioning them about some "bitch" who is writing all over their facebook wall every GD day or texting them every GD minute.
and had amazing sex/ given porn star head
NOW- my question/argument is rather than this behavior getting me one step closer to my MRS, I feel that it has pushed me further away from it. Didn't learn until the second time, but from my experience, man was getting everything he wanted without having to wife! (ie- had his cake and ate it too)
In either situation I did NOT consider myself to be a JO of any sort- the second situation man even came into my home, and referred to MY mother as "mom" when he spoke to her.
I can only speak from my experiences but I guess I am just questioning the validity of this "be cool" because it got me nowhere near where I wanted to be.
I feel I could be a stereotypical female and say "all men are assholes because I got treated this type of way" but in the same respect,I'm 50% responsible- I allowed it to happen to myself because I didn't set limits.
There are several different factors to making this happen, or preventing it from happening, but either way- in my experience I have been motherf*cking COOL and always fallen into the "friend"–or nore literally, "home girl that I f*ck" category.
-__-
All the "cool" chicks came out of the woodwork for this one. LOL