We spend a lot of time talking and discussing about the good. What makes a good man? How to find a good woman? What makes you toes curl, eyes roll back into your head, and the Lord’s name to come out of your mouth s*xual relations good? But … what good is the good without the bad?
There is no doubt that the world is filled with lame and un-dateable guys. I hate em, women hate em, eff em. They usually mess things up for the good guys (like us here at SingleBlackMale) and can turn a beautiful black woman with the potential to make herself and a man happy … into a spiteful and bitter sister. F*ing shame …
Today, we will highlight these lames … these herbs … these tools (for the 2520s in attendance) … as I present:
SBM’s List of Absolutely and Completely Un-dateable Men
The Simp
I know there are a lot of women reading this right now and thinking “Simps aren’t bad … I love me a good simp” … but I’m talking about a real simp. Simps have no backbone, they can’t make you feel like a woman because they can’t act like a man. Sure he might spend money on you and give you undue amounts of attention … but so does a puppy. You trying to f**k your puppy?
The Arrogant A$$hole
“Wait, so you don’t have an S500? You don’t know P. Diddy?” This guy loves to talk about himself, where he went to school, who he knows, and what he owns. According to him … the best thing about his girl is that she has him attached to her. He might impress friends, but will annoy any woman after bringing up his recent promotion 10 times in an hour.
The Loser
No motivation outside of catching the weed man Monday mornings. No job (or an underpaying one), lives with mom/cousin/ex/friend and just ain’t doing sh*t. Can’t afford gas (or a car) … but somehow always makes it to the club. Run unless your looking for another dependent in your life.
The Wannabe Player
He swears he has 8 other girls waiting for him if you act up, and reminds you every other day. He has tons of females friends who don’t want him, but he swears all want to be broke off … and when he inevitably cheats (attempting to live the lifestyle) it will be with the girl nicknamed “Even I wouldn’t put my d*ck in that”. If you gonna play yourself … at least find a real one.
The Cheater
He claims he can stop anytime, really “loves” his girlfriend, and only loves her (“these other b*tches ain’t nothing to me baby … we just f***in”). Somehow someway … he just keeps slipping and falling d*ck first into some p*ssy. He has smashed your friends, co-workers, and tried to holla at ur moms … but pops wasn’t having it. Save yourself the syphilis shot.
The Pretty Boy
3 hours in the morning to get ready, 3 hours at the gym, And a personal stylist to cater to his twice a week shape up. Never met a mirror he didn’t like and is quick to remind his loving girlfriend how lucky she is to be dating an adonis … a god among men (as he likes to say). He might be pretty to look at … but feed your shallow a$$ a solid dose of act right and get you some substance.
The Effeminate
He cries at movies. He watches Lifetime. He drinks cosmopolitans. He’s seen ever episode of Sex In The City (#SBMSecret I do like the show … Miranda be whilin) and cried at the end of the movie. He always wants to talk about his feeling and doesn’t drink beer. I was about to leave him off the list because there isn’t actually any “man” in there. Unless you want to date “one of the girls” drop some tissues and run.
I covered the basis, but I’m a guy so I have only noticed these lames from the sidelines. Ladies, did I miss your current situation a type you experienced? Fellas, any advice for these ladies. We all know lames … lets air em out.
SBM ala Luke Skywalker (Bringing balance to the force) aka See Ladies … I’m not always treating ya’ll bad!
YES LOVE THIS! Ok let me go in!! LOL
"The Loser"
This is the worst! This is the guy that sells food stamps for money!(that is his hustle) smh This is the guy that complains about the man is on his back or that it's a recession so he can't get a job! Living off of you and sits on his ass all day playing video games thinking dick pays the bills! Ughhhh
"The Cheater"
Not only is he cheating but he is also telling all the women that he is cheating with that he is in love with them! Having all of us think that we are his girlfriends! smh
These are my top two I can't stand! smh
The Cheater and Loser are usually the same man. LOL.
Um yes you missed Mr-Chip-on-my-shoulder
This man manages to have a problem with everybody and everybody is supposedly out to get him. He claims over and over again that he is Mr-Nice-Guy but these 'b*itches' (insert all derogatory/ misogynistic names here) are ALL Gold diggers out to get his welfare check…ok maybe not welfare but his $15hr paycheck and only want him for his car (a 1980 late model something or other). This man is 2 arguments from stabbing some random person in some random argument he had over some random ish that really didn't matter all because they looked at him differently/didn't pay him the proper amount of respect/ did something annoying.
I hope I have painted the picture. When you meet him he is as polite as can be and is quite sweet. Give him some time and his true colours show. To basically sum up he is Mr Chip on my shoulder, Mr Misogynist , Mr Anger management AKA Mr all round Crazy. Now I better go because one of those internet thugs will follow me with a defence probably mad I just described him to a T.
Luv this post @K..Hilarious and so on point!!
LOL. Mr Chip on His Shoulder does complain about how all his exes did him wrong, but never sees the wrong he's done. He'll spend most of his time complaining about "the man" but never tries to do anything to improve his situation.
SBM, you making up for those posts last week aren't you. Good looking out for the ladies today
This was hillarious and accurate!!! My ex was the simp/looser combination that took a year and counting to remove from my system (Physically Black History-emotionally scarred). Ku-Dos!!! (adding to blogroll)
"The Effeminate"
THAT GUY is most def undateable in my book.
And not because of the Lifetime channel watching or being into Sex and the City (although the cosmo drinking or magazine reading would be much too much) but it's when he's overly concern with women's clothing/style, has more female friends (like, for real friends) than male friends AND he likes really muscular women… o_O
{yeah, I'm talking about a specific someone I know}
You mean the guy who has one too many pastel cardigans in his closet, refuses to walk around in the rain for fear of damaging his 'do (rain doesn't f*ck up a fade, dude, grow a pair), and adds a little more wardrobe advice than the typical man will?
*shivers*
So on point….. I almost dated a Mr Wanna-be player….
Jesus took the wheel
hahahaha! This list is tight! What's funny is this list has some dudes that women will tolerate with no issue. Especially the simp/loser. I feel some women want to be able to control a man, so will accept a simp with open arms. Is that inaccurate?
No, it's pretty accurate. Some women like being in control of everything, including the relationship. They haven't figured out a way to leave the power broker/lawyer/doctor thing at work, so they feel they have to be the boss. Then, you have some women who look at simps/losers as pet projects. They want to upgrade these fools, save them even. I say, don't save them, they don't want to be saved!!
Exactly…I have settled for simp and looser, not to control, but at the time was not aware of what I wanted. Now I definitely recognize it so much.
Also Mr.Chip on the Shoulder is one to run away from. Everytime you do something, it reminds him of his ex…smh.
I have yet to see something wrong with a simp based upon this sites explanations.
I do not see a problem with the simp. What's the full definition?
I can't stand a simp. A simp is a guy you date for a while because he takes you someplace nicer than Olive Garden and will tell you to "throw it in the bag" without giving anything in return except a half-a$$ed laugh at his lame a$$ jokes or a kiss on the cheek or something.
Behind his back, however, you make fun of him to all your friends and embarrass the hell out of him while you use the f*ck-me-pumps and come-get-it dress he bought you to f*ck a guy with a sack.
#truelife
Uh oh, I fear this is a post which should have been included in the past week's rants as evidence.
Awesomely on point. A quick note though: there's a hybrid out there.
The Narcissist.
He is The Arrogant A$$hole, The Wannabe Player, and The Pretty Boy all in one.
Hard to imagine that much "undatable" in one person? I know. He's hard to pin down. There's so much that looks like something else! But that's it. Multi-talented in so many negative ways, wrapped in a pretty package.
I forgot to mention that you can mix and match to get different combination. For example, you could have a simp and loser mix that will do whatever you want, but has no money of his own.
You can even get a loser and arrogant a$$ mix that hasn't accomplished anything, but tries to talk up what little he has done.
YES!!! that was my first thought, that most of the time you get double whammies
lmao good list…
i betchu though…every woman will have 1 type of guy on this list…they either dated..or won't mind dating #realtalk
I'm trying to be "nice" today … but I was thinking that while I was writing. There are a lot of these guys our there that are happily bunned up with a woman who will defend him to the death … although he is one or more of these types.
Makes me wanna holla …
Beware of the cheater fused with the wannabe player. This man can have multiple women thinking they are "the one" until you find out he's getting married in 6 months… #truestory lol
The cheater is usually different from the wannabe player because he could actually succeed at a player. The wannabe wants to be one, but can only "play" dumb and/or busted women. The Cheater actually has some game.
That clarification does make sense…by the way, the man is doing all he can to keep me from this blog! SBM.org just got shut down today at work
So it's google reader and my cell phone lol
In a past life, I hooked up with an arrogant wannabe player pretty boy. It would have been cool if he didn't go around telling his friends that I wanted to be in a relationship with him b/c of the s*x. It wasn't even that good… he was a boring, predictable lay. Obviously, he wasn't mature enough to handle the type of situation I was looking for at the time.
What about Mr. Educated Black (Power) Brotha who claims to be so enlightened but only uses his knowledge of "stuff" as a guise to hide his insecurities? Always proclaiming what they "know" but really have nothing to show for all their knowledge. And they love to belittle people who aren't on their level intellectually.
They claim no black women want a good, smart black man but they are just as trifling as the uneducated goons!
Ugh, this is my life at Penn. smh lol
I hate to admit it but there were alot of dudes at Penn who probably fell into this category. I dont know for sure though
There are a lot of brothas like this on college campuses across the US. From HBCUs to PWIs, even community college mofos. It's a shame…
Umm, would this description also apply to the SBM posters from last week?
I think it's a legitimate criticism that sometimes (or often) the sisters aren't feeling dudes who are 'intellectual.' #no need to quote SBM's past posts.
Yes there are uppity arrogant jerks out there who use their wanna be intellect to demean others (even other dudes), however, that is not sufficient to totally dismiss the claim that many sisters have their priorities screwed up in high school, college and the 20s…just as men can be equally whack. Refusal to accept that possibility is naive, or at the very least self-serving.
did you say Penn?
go Quakers! *throws toast at you*
Did we forget Mr. "Daddy" -the controlling, "don't make a move without asking me first" guy? His relationship skills were taken from movies about pimps/real life pimps that reared him and he takes the "man of the house" thing a bit too far. Permission to speak, permission to blink? This guy usually has many insecurities in his life and hides it through his demanding and controlling ways. Warning signs: if he calls you several times a day while conveniently being right outside your locale, requires you to do a check in every hour, has purged your closet of anything remotely flattering, and has something to say about they way you do EVERYTHING- you might need to start packing/changing your number/ and assuming a new identity. Sadly Mr. Daddy often has an alternate personality known as Mr. "Whoop dat trick" and both of these boys (never men) are undatable.
How about the controlling guy who may not have the
physical strength to fight off my brand of whoop-a$$but he will passive-aggressive the hell out of your life. You come downstairs in some sh*t he don't like and he just side-eyes the hell out of you until you feel like a grade school kid who has to put on a sweater to cover up. He may not even be mean, but he wants to tell you how to live your life and be presentable by his standards.That's a guy who will f*ck up your self esteem for no reason.
I was waiting for someone to mention the controller. I can't believe that one was not on the list. I have a couple of girlfriends with those.
tell them to drop their sh*t and run. trust, it's not a good look.
The amateur club promoter/wanna be rapper/ self proclaimed entertainment bidness man…
(I'm trying to fall back from one such individual now even though I happen to like him when he's being sincere and not hyping up his "lifestyle")
-Over 30 and still chasing BET dreams
-Every party/ night out in the club is called "work"
-Is always talking about how the women he dates need to be "understanding" (see also: naiive)
-Naturally has a lot of female associates for the hood video shoots, party fliers, etc.
Not always, but usually this is a man who will use his "job" as an excuse the minute some shady business goes down.
Wow…this one sounds like a combination of the others—the cheater and wanna be player, because they'll use their so called "record label" as a way to entice women and claim that Shanequia is one of his artists so that's why she's calling him at 1 am in the morning.
Uggggh…sounds just like an ex of mine. Hopefully reality will set in and he can become a better man. Thanks for mentioning!
Sorry I am usually a lurker and this has brought me out of the shadows…lol! Good Morning everyone!
Good descriptions but I wouldn't have titled this post undateable since most of those dudes wouldn't have a problem finding a female to date. Whatever their "fatal flaw," it will undoubtedly make them desirable to some woman.
"You trying to f**k your puppy?"
I had to laugh out loud when I read that. I don't like simps or losers (also known as scrubs).
Ref the Arrogant–at first, it may come across as confidence, but after awhile, the arrogance gets on your nerves. One of my exes, was always trying to out do me. I got a Mustang, he went and got him a sports car. I bought a house, he bought him a house. I'm like, dang, I didn't know we were in competition.
You did a good job covering the list. Missed the ex-con now reformed, but yet still hanging out with the same crew he was hanging out with before he went to jail.
Yep that covers it all.
Yall forgot Mr. Still in the Game. 26+ plus years old still sellin drugs with dreams of being Scarface. Never mind that hustlin died around 1991.
i know a lot of these guys. hell i'm related to some of them. my advice for the ladies is to look for the signs early. if you meet a guy and in the first 5 minutes he tells you how much he makes a year, he might be a little arrogant. also if you say that you don't want a certain type of man, there is no reason to settle. if you a certain that you don't want a cheater, then don't stay with one because he's laying the pipe right.
I've never heard of a puppy spending money on anyone
I'm just wishing for my puppy to spend money on itself… lol
This list is hilarious.
The werewolf –
By day he has it altogether, good job, head on his shoulders, in pursuit of success.
By night, after a drink or two, turns in to the life of the party. Trying to holler at anything, trying to smash anything, willing to do anything. A monster.
PS – These are the types of guys who are found dead at the age of 65 from a heart attack with three 25 year old chicks.
PS – Or you could be in your thirties and found shot in the head in that same hotel. Smh Steve.
I used to be involved with someone who was 2, 4, and 5 with some strong traits from 3 and 6. For some reason, the rose colored glassed did not allow me to see it until it was too late.
I definitely can't date the "The Man is Out to Get Me" guy. I was talking to a guy who thought the government was trying to get him, so he didn't have a phone in his own name, a drivers license, or a passport. I felt like jumping outta a window every time I talked to him, he was so depressing!
hahaha. True dat. I have a homie that's on that tip.
Wow, just wow. The last decent guy I dated had a case of the "chip on shoulder". It was very hard to be around him, he was so negative all the time and all he would do is complain about everything. I'd tried to address it with him several times, but nothing ever changed. I bet my subsequent dumping is now another chip. Although, he wasn't as bad as this guy.
Yeah, I was in a similar situation like this, but started getting tired of playing therapist more often than girlfriend. When we broke up, life looked so much brighter and happier! Never again!
I know two dudes like that.
One is on some Dave Chappelle, Conspiracy Brotha type sh*t where he thinks everything bad in the world was orchestrated by the Illuminati and the KKK and the forces of heaven and Earth and God knows what else. He is EXHAUSTING to talk to, because he's a crazy fool who is always looking for the shady character in the corner to blame his purposeless life on.
The other never had a paper trail and when the police were after him, they'd usually arrest some of his family first by accident because this negro barely existed. But now he's in jail… so maybe the government actually WAS after him.
"He is EXHAUSTING to talk to, because he’s a crazy fool who is always looking for the shady character in the corner to blame his purposeless life on."
LMBO, Flippinnnnn hilarious! You feel like they're sucking the life out of your quicker than fluorescent lights! I can't be around those people for too long because I start thinking my life sucks too!
And about the quasi-existing negro, I'm always really suspect of these types. Like, uh, is there something that I should know about you? Where does that even stem from?!
Nah, this cat was shady from the jump. Fine as hell, though, he'd make you almost willing to catch a perjury charge (no Lil Kim) making up an alibi for him.
This is my rule: if you're doing shady sh*t, I don't need all the details, but I definitely need to know if you're running that China White or Money Green or whatever the hell ninjas is calling things these days so I don't follow your happy a$$ to the pen for twenty-to-life.
The comments on this post are hilarious. The Party promoter/wanna be rapper post was dead on. I can see how annoying that type of guy would be for a woman.
Overall I think you have to look at this in the converse. The ideal man should have a little bit (but not too much) of each of these traits. He should be enough of a simp to appreciate that most women's primary motivation is emotion, but not enough of a simp to get walked all over. He should have accomplished enough in stuff in his life to make for a little arrogance, but, he should know how to keep that arrogance to himself and his crew of guy friends he talks sh*t to. Uh, he shouldn't be a loser at all.
He does need to have been a "player" at some point in his life. He needs this for 2 reasons
1) If he's ever been a player, then he has all the tools to make a woman feel like a million bucks and he's probably good in bed (lots of practice). He just has to make the decision to use those powers for good like Spiderman (with great power comes great responsibility).
2) Should the relationship turn into engagement or marriage, if he hasn't been a player and sewn his wild oats, he will want to eventually, and will either resent you for preventing that, or, he'll just do it and morph into "the cheater". Both of which are no good for a relationship.
You'll want him to have the ability to compartmentalize his emotions the way a cheater does – you'd be surprised at how helpful this skill can be in a relationship – when used for good. When arguments go way south and turn into "who can say the most hurtful thing" contests, compartmentalizing emotions, and focusing on the point of contention saves a lot of hurt and a lot of back and forth. Again – powers for good only though.
You don't want the guy to be pretty but, you want the dude to be as stylish as you are. You want him to care about details, like, how he smells. You don't want him to smell like your fruity body wash, but, he should smell like a man. So, if you're a chick that is always decked out looking great, smelling great, you want your guy to look as good as you, and smell as good as you just in a more masculine way. Kinda like homey from the Old Spice commercial. (Look at your man, now look at me, now back at your man, now back at me). Looking good, and smelling good takes time, maybe not 3 hours – but, at least an hour or so. He should have style, not trendy, but classicaly stylish. To do this, he'll need to read magazines, but, not just any – the right magazines – Esquire, Vanity Fair, GQ, Men's Health… etc.
He should also have a healthy appreciation for women's fashion, without being effeminate. He should know your sizes (waste, shoe, cup) without being told and he should know the difference between Vic. Secret and La Pearla. He should know the difference between a good heal and a great heal… blah blah blah… you get the picture. This is all all necessary.
My point is – you want him to be a little of everything.
-stay thirsty my friends.
I actually agree with this. and I happen to like pretty boys. lol always have. not a primping a$$ guy, but true pretty boys don't need hours–they just wake up that way, lol.
to do this, he’ll need to read magazines, but, not just any – the right magazines – Esquire, Vanity Fair, GQ, Men’s Health
_________________________________
I try to tell dudes this but they don't hear me though. GQ when I fly…so neccessary.
i've been with a guy who was a combination of a simp and effeminate. What got me was he tried really hard to be a pretty boy, but it didn't really work out. Too bad I didn't want a doormat, otherwise me and him would still be together since he was willing to buy me stuff and pay for just about anything!
Hate to say it, but a lot of those "Effeminate" males seem to be raised by women… They're like… 5 steps from homosexual, and very metro-sexual…
The post+comments are on point. truthful, funny
Am I the only one who has met Mr. Onlyest Thang You Good at Is Fuxxin? Dude that can barely read, but will blow your back out like nobody's bidness? Aw, just me. Okay. o__0
Is that even an issue? I love guys like that. Get the chex, then on to the next!
Love this blog!!!
What about Mr. Always Searching for Someone Better or Mr. Afraid of Commitment?
Both have dated quality women, but because they got scared when faced with the challenges and work involved in successful relationships, or their ego was so big that they felt Miss Hallie Berry was right around the corner, they let the real Miss Right go.
What about "Too Many Baby Daddy" guy? This fool is has taken DNA tests then all the men on Maury. He lives with mom cause his pitiful paycheck is garnished to the hilt and he can't afford sh*t. I have a friend who's a baby daddy magnet and they always seem to have more kids than originally stated and the baby momma's are always crazy!!
I always seem to attract the cheater who's "reformed" and always has a profile on Dont Don't Him Girl with 1,000 comments… smh!!
The effeminate is cool to hang with… always knows where the best sales are and the cheapest martinis.
1. Baby Daddy Guy: How about the guy who brings you to the family cookout and all the little kids playing that he told you before y'all were serious were his cousins run up to him calling him daddy?! Uh… what in the f*ck? Either we in Alabama or this some bullsh*t!
#realtalk
2. Reformed Cheater: A reformed cheater doesn't talk about his cheating ways. This guy is a "imma let you know now so you aren't surprised later when you find me d*ck first in some wet-wet" cheater.
3. Effeminate: This is a gay best friend that you're describing lol he's awesome but not part of this conversation.
The "effiminate" also has a tendancy to spend 10 minutes schooling the waitress on how to mix their drink with a splash of this and that. WTF. All YOU asked for was a Sprite. Why is his ish more complicated?!
The Arrogant A$$hole
This is usually a guy who didn't grow up with two nickels to rub together who finally gets some success and wants to be extra fly and flashy
and ignant as f*ckabout it. It's Michael Jackson syndrome (not having anything all your life and living like a gotdamn fool when you grow up) which is UNDERSTANDABLE but NOT OKAY. You are a grown-a$$ man who is a hop skip and a jump from cashing in your 401K, stop spending your tax refunds on rims and Tims.The Loser
This is usually the kind of guy who is good at only one thing. I mean, he ain't got sh*t else to offer, might as well serve up his uselessness with a side of d*ck.
The Wannabe Player
This is the guy everyone knew in high school who always tried to get with the ugly girls with no self-esteem because he didn't have the game for the cute ones. Sh*t one dude I knew had all these girls' phone numbers in his cell… girls who didn't know him from a telephone pole. Tell me why he got their digits from the damn student directory? o_O #whatpartofthegameisthat
The Pretty Boy
You take longer than I do to get ready? We have a problem. End of story.
Hmm… I just thought of something.. Isnt this list kinda bashing men and generalizing men? Or is this SBM offering an opinion?
Where was this open mindedness and non author slaying rhetoric last wednesday?
I see you SBM!
Aint this bout a b*tch…
Mmm, am I sensing sarcasm here? I think *most* of the women on here were being pretty open last week. I think the one that got it the worst was probably the post most similar to this one, sisters vs. bitches. IF I remember correctly, most of the complaints that day were in regard to the word bitch. The other one that got it was the one saying f*** chivalry, and most of that was just people stating their opinion in the opposite direction.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't find much to complain about last week. I welcomed the insight into the male psyche and was even inspired (for about 10 minutes) to actually be the one to ask a guy out.
I agree. I thought last week was hilarious.
Maybe a few of the women who got
belligerent and sh*toffended felt a few of the observations made hit a little too close to home…#imjustsayin
You said it, I didnt!
Be on thelookout for my Post on Wednesday. Yall thought venting ended? lol…
Story old as time …
When you tell people what they want to hear your "telling it like it is". When they disagree and their feelings get hurt … your close-minded and stereotyping (as well as a b*tch a$$ n****).
I done developed some tough skin being in this hure blogging game for so long though …
OmG…this list is Hilarious. But what about "Mr. I-Need-A-Mama"
the man looking for a woman to guide him through life and help him "find his way" because he's been lost between the ages of 18 – now…These men are often sweet and know how to meet and greet with women, but once you fall for them, they will lay their a** around and wait for you to motivate, cook, clean, love, and damn near wash they ass before they can do anything. Partially a loser, but they may carry a job, but only through your connections and motivation, otherwise it's a wrap!