**I felt this way in January of 2009. My thoughts are still very similar, but the readership here is a lot different now. Enjoy. -Slim**
Who's more likely to be immature? Is it that obvious?
As I revisit 2008 and consider my approaching birthday a couple months from now (Pisces), I’ve realized I’ve come a long way over the X # years I’ve been on this earth. In certain areas of life, I feel like I’ve matured at a quicker rate than a lot of the people around me. On another level, I’ve been described as immature for things like my blatant silliness, strolling when a certain song comes on, and for writing blogs. Yes, one chick had the audacity to tell me that I wrote blogs for attention and that it was extremely immature. Can you believe that? Being the witty machine that I’ve been conditioned to be, I had a list of reasons explaining why she was a girl instead of a woman. There’s a distinct difference. As tempted as I am to share the list, I’ll save that for another day. Sorry folks.
What I really wanted to talk about were the roles of age and maturity from this Black male’s perspective. One thing I’ve learned is that age and maturity are 2 completely different things. I follow 3-4 blogs pretty closely in addition to running my own, and from what people are willing to disclose about themselves it seems like the average person reading and commenting is like 27+. And the older you get, the more experience you get…at least in theory.
So maybe it’s safe to say that the people who read these types of blogs are pretty mature overall? But what about everyone else? We all know the 28-35 year old dude who is still living at home and playing video games and doesn’t really seem too interested in personal development. We also all know the chick with the OD strict parents that dominated her life until she had a ring on her finger. When it comes to relationships and handling the stuff that matters, they can appear to be “a little bit behind.”
As I go to holiday parties, clubs, bars, mixers, and other social functions it just seems like people really are all over the place with where they’re at in their lives. I’ve dated the late 20’s chick who had the college degree and full-time job. I dated the college chick with all sorts of innocence that came from a really good upbringing. Both of which brought me joy in all sorts of ways, but ultimately didn’t work out for a variety of pitfalls that I failed to notice at the time.
What I once thought was mature and the way to go became the type of sh*t that made me wanna transform into the Black Incredible Hulk. Point here is that age isn’t the end all be all of what maturity is and supposed to be. As we’ve said time and time again…experience, experience, experience. As we get closer to those scary relationships that will become husbands and wives, we need people with a shared sense of experience who understand us and we can understand them.
My question to the faithful and generous readers is multi-layered. What are your thoughts on age of potential significant others and how do you go about handling those who seem real mature but then drop an age on you that isn’t what you expected? And perhaps more importantly, how do you define maturity? We all grown in our own ways. Let’s get it crackin!
Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com
sadly ive ben a victim of my own age. i can vibe with a female from the beginning til the question of my age come to play, my answer always came out…wrong (think: wen keepin it real goes wrong) so i say im 20, & always got dat "dam u a baby, i thot u was round 25" (yea i lik a older b***h who kno wat she doin & not abt games lik my peers) but then i ask why & they answer b; its how i carry myself, how i am, &/or wat i got…but after dat is said & done, i get rejected because im jus 2 yung & they say itl mak them feel "bad".
(except wen i dont reveal my age til after a coupla booty calls lol, but den wen i do tel my age i get lookd at funny & called a baby)
so i ask my pretty females on here, does the age factor strongly influence decisions if a guy is 5+years younger than u yet show maturity of the same level u on? wen im asked of my age, wat shud i do?
It took me a minute to get through that. LOL
I hate to say it, but I won't really consider dating a man more than a year younger. I've met men that appear to be more mature than your average 20-25 year old, and it doesn't take long before they prove they aren't. I'm not saying that is always the case, but my experience has shown me to shy away from me in their low-20's. If I were to get to know a man in a friendship capacity and KNOW for a fact that he is more mature than most men that age, I'd definitely be open to it. However, if I'm just approached by a man and he tells me he's 20, I'd probably give the same response you've gotten. It's not because of the age difference to me. If I were 30, I'd probably consider a 25 year old as they've had a chance to mature.
As far as what you should tell them, be honest. Why should you have to front just to get someone interested. If you're just looking for a booty call anyway, there are definitely women out there who will respond.
It is accepted as fact in the medical community that women mature faster than men, both mentally and physically. Also, the younger you are, the faster the rate of your personal development, thus the greater the difference between ages. A 16 y/o girl and a 14 y/o girl may not be far apart chronologically but
in the eyes of the lawdevelopmentally they are very different. 26 y/o woman and 28 y/o woman? Meh. It's not as radical.I advocate women dating older men (not robbing the grave, but older) because then you're more on a level playing field maturity-wise. Yet, then you may encounter that grown-a$$ man with a 401(k) who still refuses to put his Kangol hat and Mecca jeans away. SMH
..definitely tell the truth. What you have to understand is just because YOU believe you are at the maturity level as the females you deal with…you probably aren't. However, if you are in your 20s…there is something about men in there 20s that will repel a woman who is in her late 20s or early thirties…she is looking to settle down perhaps marriage…men in there 20s are notoriously still trying to find themselves and most times (not all) they are dating alot of women….or definitely not ready to settle down. I have went as young as four years younger but the men aren't in there 20s….
Are we really….REALLY…..going to entertain the maturity level of someone who tip lik DIS? My favorite quote: "yea i lik a older b***h who kno wat she doin & not abt games lik my peers"
WHAT?
I need coffee. Now.
LMAO Anna.
I sorta thought the same thing, but I believe in equal opportunity with the first part of what you said. Still chuckling that you called homie out.
Okay?! After reading that line…all I heard was crickets.
LMAO!!! Can we say #fail!
LMAO! I wasn't going to say something, so I'm glad you did.
Bless his heart all the way through his comment.
I can tell by the way you type that you are younger than me. reading this hurt my brain a bit, LOL.
I dated young guys all the time in college. but since graduating, I think the youngest I've dated is 2 years younger. I think the older you get the margin can widen but for me only past age 40! Being as I'm still in my 20s, I'd never date a guy under 25, personally.
What's up with the Photoshop on that picture? BTW, that beautiful woman from the picture was on One Life to Live up until a few weeks ago (I didn't think y'all should go another day without knowing that).
Also, Happy very belated Birthday, fellow Pisces.
Thanks. Water signs are what's up…cuz their wet.
This is a very intriguing topic. I have always looked very much younger than I am. I get approached by alot of younger men. My ex husband was four years younger( not too bad) maturity level..we werent in the same place. They say men mature at a slower pace then women…I believe it to be truth..and I think its backed up my scientific data…isn't it? My point is, I have run into problems dating men even a few years younger…my current SO is also four years younger….I think half of our problems stem from his immaturity level in comparison with mines. It just seems like in relationships he is at a level 101 class..and im in the Masters program. Ive been married before so that is part of it…where am I going with this….right…I think age does matter. I am considered a "cougar" but that will get you messed up..I will not do a Vivica Fox and date a man in his 20+…as tempting as that may be, it is ultimately not going to last….I will befriend him;-) lol….no, but on the real you should date people who have the age and life experiences that you have had….experiences build maturity. They say age is nothing but a number but…with men, since they do mature slower…ladies have to be real careful.
That is all.
Dang, get out of my diary! Maturity has been the theme of the week so far in my life. I recently hung out with a 19 yr. old woman who is more mature than my 31 year old close friend at a party. SMH! Age ain't nothin' but a number – sometimes. The s.o. is a year and a half younger than me (guess I'm a panther, lol) and he's more mature than most of the men I've met my age. There's alot of Peter Pan syndrome in the DMV. Shoot, the s.o. is more mature than me – yeah, I can admit it!
At a certain point there's an ick factor – I couldn't put my hands on a 20 year old and not feel like Chester Molester.
Bravo Slim for picking a topic to make me think. Hmmm… most of my dating experience were with men who were essentially my age (a few months ahead or a few months behind). I have to say however, that they were pretty mature as far as relationships were concerned. I've never really encountered that outright immature nature of a man in a relationship. The anomalies to this however, was a guy that was a year and half younger than me & a freshman I 'dated' when I was a senior in undergrad — hahahahaha — just thinking about it made me laugh. The guy that was 1.5 yrs younger than me, was pretty mature as far as his career/education/future planning, etc. What I did notice was that he in no way wanted to settle down until he was 37 or so. He still professes that to this day. I eventually had to let go, b/c although I wasn't looking for a husband… I wasn't feeling the 'grey area' relationship anymore. The freshman… sigh… he was fun. That is all. Lol. But I knew when I graduated that would be the end of us, he wanted to keep having fun and I was on to a different type of lifestyle.
I do agree w/ Anna N. about the ick factor, my brother is 6 years younger than me & if a man is so much younger than me that he could hang w/ lil bro & his friends too easily… I'm turned off. My mom said this changes as my changes… 5 years is A LOT when you're only 23 but not so much when you're 33. #Cluelessshrug
Women mature faster than men is 100% BS.
Where's the evidence?
NOTE: "because everyone says so" is not proof
That is an sexist statement to attempt to demean and emasculate men, to elevate women to something more graceful and better..
At the basic level, I'll cosign. Can't quite go along with the emasculation concept.
I also believe that women maturing quicker is a relative thing. I didn't make this point in the post, but because one person wants different things doesn't make them immature. This whole "men don't know what they want" makes them immature argument is foolishness. In our teens and 20's, we know that we don't want to be tied down and that we want to "sample the market." It's also a known and scientifically-proven fact that men are naturally about procreation and frolicking. That's not just something limited to humans.
Thanks Nick. You got my mental wheels churning this morning.lol.
Elevate women to something more graceful and better? Maybe mentally/emotionally – but let's not forget the flip side, which is that women AGE faster as well.
@ "let's not forget women AGE faster"
I'M TELLING YOU! True words. Shoot, I'd like to spend the rest of my 20s without a damn care in the world about anyone else but myself if I wasn't gonna run the risk of deez eggs drying up ever lol.
What is a sexist? Is it like a racist but regarding sex? If so, then a woman could never be sexist (much in the way a black man cant be racist). If not, isnt female to male sexism like the affirmative action of the world; leveling the uneven playing field that was created by the evil monkey in the closet called male privelege.
IMHO as a man, women do mature earlier than men IN SOME REGARDS. I think there is something about how we define our gender roles that create this. Our definition of womanhood almost implore females to become mature. While our definition of masculinity includes parts that can be confused as immature. The docility (is this a word?) thats imbedded in woman is often confused as maturity. The fact that they dont do "childish things" for the most part (i.e. sports & video games) is confused for maturity. The fact that they have a biological clock that runs a bit faster is confused as maturity. The opposite can be said for men. The fact that I've been playing Madden since 94 when I was 8 years old can be seen as immature. And the fact that I still slap box w/ my homies and that I'm not as concerned w/ my biological clock is all seen as immature.
I could go on but I'm starting to ramble but I say all of this to make one point that women "mature" faster than men but we may have an inaccurate definition of the concept of maturation
you know I don't like the self serving definition of racism.
l
Nick: ”Women mature faster than men is 100% BS.
Where’s the evidence?”
In general, it’s true that women mature faster, but not really.
There is a saying: a woman is, a man must become. If a man is to be the head of a house and provide direction in a relationship, then there is a larger maturity gap from boy to man than there is from girl to woman, meaning the destination on the road to maturity is longer for men than for women. Women are typically ready to settle down faster, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into maturity, it just means some younger women have an idea of I’m supposed to be married, so that’s what I’m looking for. Then the couple have trouble relating to each other and find out they aren’t very compatible, and the inevitable divorce comes.
Dare I agree with your crazy azz?? LOL – I do!
Anna agrees with me? I'm looking outside my window for signs of the apocalypse right now!
I gotta say, I like this too
"In general, it’s true that women mature faster, but not really."
Sorry brother without proof that statement is 100 % BS.
This is a great start to MY week (Yeah… it's Tuesday… lol)
What are your thoughts on age of potential significant others and how do you go about handling those who seem real mature but then drop an age on you that isn’t what you expected?
I don't consider chronological age a factor in my mind at all. With that said, a large majority of the women I've dated have been significantly older than myself. (Usually 5-8 years). I rarely date people in my age group (If I'm x years old, x-1 to x+1 years.). It's not because I'm avoiding those people, but people who happen to fall within that range don't appeal to me and I guess I don't appeal to them. Age is nothing but a # to me once a person is 21. When dating/in a relationship with someone you're dealing with their personality not their chronological age.
And perhaps more importantly, how do you define maturity?
Let's go… I measure maturity based on how they approach certain situations. How they approach themselves and how they justify where they stand in life. I also measure maturity based upon how they handle concepts and ideas different from their own or what they're normally used to. I can best explain this with examples:
How women handle themselves -> Do you have a hobby?
How they handle concepts and ideas different from their own -> What things are you flexible about and what things will you not compromise on?
Other questions:
What are some things that contributed to you being where you are today?
What are your flaws?
It's not about the answer in which a person gives. Their answers don't have to reflect my life or what I agree with in any way. Mostly, my idea of an immature person, doesn't provide an answer to most of the questions about them. Like answering "I don't know" (and that being the entire answer AND you're not trying to pause to think about it) when I'm asking something about YOU is pretty unacceptable to me. My thought is usually: "Wait… Wait you don't know about yourself??!?!" I want a person who have a sense of who they are when I'm trying to get to know them instead of the catch-all "I'm me" and "What you see is what you get" statements. You know you, but I don't, hence the reason why we need to have these types of conversation. #petpeeve. Not saying everyone will always have answer to what anyone asks, but you can tell the people who are self-reflective enough to have tried to pear into themselves. <- THAT to me is maturity because being to be truly self-reflective is priceless in a relationship. Children always pint fingers without thinking about their contributions to a situation.
I hear you on this. There's a big difference between not knowing but still looking and just not knowing
Couger…that is not flattering to me at all for some reason, and men 10+ years my junior have been showing a lot of interest lately. Simply appalling.
Maturity and age go hand in hand for me. Regardless of how "fast" you grew up…if you're 22 and thinking you can be in a serious…healthy relationship with someone damn near 40….your delusional (true story). If you're talking 5 years…I think that's more feasible on a case by case basis. As you stated Slim…shared experiences lead to shared understanding. Nice.
Personally, I've always been attracted to significantly older men after finding men my own age intolerable. I will note however that the older I was…the less appealing older men became…lol…started appreciating men closer to my age…yanno…stamina…asthetically pleasing yadda yadda yadda. ha! *sigh*
I've dated men from 18-35, and I'm currently 21. As far as maturity, I find that experience determines your outlook on life. For me, maturity is rooted in accepting people and circumstances as they are, learning from them and appreciating them for whatever role it/they may be play in your life. Based on the guys I've encountered, there's a big difference in maturity growth between 18 to 21 and 21 to 24, versus 24-27ish. Although, the majority of the men I have dated are responsible when it has come to handling their business–school, career, goals–there is one commonality among all of them: men enjoy being boys. A man's age has not been a factor for me as far dating, but maturity has.
For me as it pertains to dating, i'm very mature. Much more than my years. I think it's my realistic approach to dating, and the fact that at the time I graduated college, I had enough experience to realize it was time to put childish things away. Most women who i've dealt with or who I have dated have always told me that my maturity with them is above my age. However, I keep it real with women, i'm still not an old head. So as it pertains to my lady, yeah, i'm very mature. But if she's like what did you do last night, I might say, "Oh me and the boys hit up the bars in Philly, wasted, dude's night out, I think I peed in a trash can." So she knows, i'm dating a man, but he's still in his low to mid 20s.
I've been with men who are older and younger and I've never really found age to be a big factor in the relationship. In fact the oldest man I've dated – 48 to my 33 – was such an immature punk that he broke up with me via email and disappeared for like 6 months to avoid my wrath.
If anything I've found that I'm the one with maturity issues in my relationships; not to say that I'm immature because I'm definitely not that, but I've had a pretty sheltered, pretty safe life in a lot of regards. So I'm not always as well-equipped to handle some of the bumps on the road of life as my younger partners may have been.
All of which to say that maturity definitely trumps age and age doesn't necessarily bring maturity.
The notion that women are more mature than men is derived from the fact that, physiologically at least, females DO mature faster than males, and as certain aspects of intellectual development cannot occur until the relevant physical structures are complete, one would logically expect females to develop certain abilities or reach certain milestones sooner. That being said, studies also have shown that a gradual decline in some aspects of intellectual functioning sets in earlier among females than males. While I have read that women age faster, women also happen to live longer.
In any case, Nick, there is tons of research on the topic, you might begin with Eleanor Maccoby's "The development of sex differences." (1966) or Simon Baron-Cohen's "The essential difference." (2004)
OT: Everything isn't a conspiracy. Why would it be bad for women to be more "graceful" – are men trying to be graceful? Seems like anything that celebrates the value of certain qualities of "femininity" in women (which, frankly, we need more of in today's society) is consistently misconstrued by SOME men as threatening or emasculating. I'm glad you view men and women as equal, Nick.
Well I'm 24 years old but most of my friends are 28 and above both mail and female so subsequently, I've dated some older guys and I'd consider myself mature. But as my circle and influences change with time, I am realizing that there are so many "young" mature people who really have much to contribute. I define maturity as the way in which you deal process situations and information and the way in which you take advantage of opportunities. For example, I have friends who squander their money month after month only to be strapped just a few days after pay day. This is just a practical and general example of immaturity. Why can't their minds process that saving and establishing credit is important?
As far as dating, I do not find most guys my age appealing or even approachable because they are in fact immature. Casually cruising through life as if we have no purpose being here. That just won't do. But I recently met a guy who was a few years younger than me and his wisdom has blown me away! So I guess age doesn't have to be such a major factor. I used to be like 22? And I'm 24?! Oh no! lol But now I may consider. It's just seems safer to gravitate toward the 29 year old with his plans together, solid foundation, and security. Security is very important and that seems to come with age in most cases.
Uh…Did I answer all the questions?
~Cam
I’ve learned from experience that age is no barometer of maturity. I know some of the silliest men and women in their late-30’s and early-40’s to believe that. I often date women between 30-35, and things may start off well, but I soon find out they are as immature as any college kid.
Maturity is learning from mistakes. If you are doing the same things or looking for the same type of man/woman that you were in your early 20’s and you are in your 30’s, something is wrong.
I totally agree with this! I am surprised at some of the almost 40 year old people I know and how they've decided to conduct their lives, acting carelessly, children and all. So age definitely has nothing to do with maturity and wisdom in some cases.
Great points made by all. I just cant deal with young minded women. I try to stay within a certain age range, but young mindedness knows no age limit. Thats the biggest thing for me!
Yeah, I've always gave the side-eye to folks who automatically think with age comes maturity…or experience for that matter. *Senator Clay Davis voice* Sheeeeeit, the only thing age comes with by default is more years. It doesn't necessarily mean more experience. My motto is "quality over quantity". Arguably, a 21 year old who has traveled the world could have more experience than a 65 year old lifelong hermit. Not everyone goes through life through the same path and just because one has been here longer doesn't automatically mean they've learned a dayum thing.
Well, I was formerly engaged to a man 4 years my senior who had tons of dreams but no motivation and wanted me to have kids before I had finished my next degree(a TOTAL non-negotiable for me); I am now with a man 3 years my junior who plays around too much but is driven in all of the right ways (for me).
So, clearly, in the experiment I call my life, age has nothing to do with maturity–or immaturity for that matter. I think it's all a matter of finding a decent match…
Totally off topic, but someone please tell me this is a hoax:
Guru of Gangstarr Dies, Writes Letter To Supporters
Legendary Gangstarr artist Guru has succumbed to cancer after a lengthy bout with the disease. The artist, born Keith Elam, died on Monday April 19. He was 43 years old. Solar, Guru's partner, expressed sadness over the loss. "The world has lost one of the best MCs and Hip-Hop icons of all-time — my loyal best friend, partner, and brother, Guru," Solar said in a statement. "Guru has been battling cancer for well over a year and has lost his battle.” Guru, a Boston native, rose to fame in the 80's as one half of Gangstarr, the iconic rap group with DJ Premier. The group released six highly regarded albums in their tenure until 2003 when they broke up. After his successful run with Premier, Guru founded 7 Grand Records with producer Solar. Solar also said that Guru wrote a final letter to fans and sent it out through a press agency. “I, Guru, am writing this letter to my fans, friends and loved ones around the world. I have had a long battle with cancer and have succumbed to the disease. I have suffered with this illness for over a year. I have exhausted all medical options.”
it's true
Which part? The letter or his death? From what I can tell, he has indeed passed.
RIP Guru
This is a sad day in hip-hop. The sadder thing is a lot of kids will read that and say, "Who?"
Heard this on another forum today and multiple email blasts from friends. It's a shame all the old, true hip-hop heads are dying off yet another Niki Minaj gets signed on the daily….SMDH >:0[
Nicki was hotter when she was still underground (and a Dom). Lil' Wayne stays messin' up folk's personal style (skinny jeans anyone?).
Gucci Mane was the king of the damn mixtapes in the A (errybody had a copy of that "Chicken Talk") but something changed when he got a legit deal. He tries too hard now. #youdonechanged
On the real, cop the Nicki Minaj mixtape. She can flow and really reminds me of a much better version of a young Kim/Foxy. I hate to say it though
You talking about "Beam Me Up, Scotty?"
I will NOT cop a Nicki Minaj mixtape. I will not give her a chance.
Not in a box, not with a fox!
I'm with you on that one. Although, I wouldn't be against getting it for free.
I have literally bought 3 albums in the past 6 years. Other than that, it's that bootleg sh*t. If Michael Jackson came back from the dead and recorded a duet with Jesus, I would probably still Limewire that muhfucca.
Umm, no I think I'll pass. Only way I'm hearing Niki Minaj is if they strap me down "Clockwork Orange" style….
*pops Ultramagnetic MCs back in work PC*
Plus or minus 10 years is my range.. Of course it depends on the individual
I lurv that this is the topic for today because lately it's been on my mind a lot. I feel like i'm ready to meet someone I could see myself with long term BUT all the guys that i've casually dated in the last year have just been so impossibly immature. Not so much behaviour wise (though some did have that as an issue), but just that they were not…for lack of a better word–serious. I'm not saying every dude I date MUST try and wife me down lol, but I can't waste my time with the casual dating and lack of commitment just because you are not ready to, and you don't have your life together. I'm still young (22) but time's ticking so I have to move on. So more recently I have started 'dating' a guy who is 27, has a great job and his life together and just got in to a really prestigious school for his Masters. Aside from the fact that I know he could provide a secure future for me if we so choose, he really seems to know what he wants and so far it completely lines up with what I want.
I want to say that the issues as far as the age/dating correlation go run deeper lol but with my experience I have had to make a conscious decision to NOT date anyone my age (def not younger), and must at LEAST be 4 yrs older than me. I'm really young, have my Bachelors degree, have a job, and will be starting my Masters in the fall lol. I know not THAT many girls my age have their ish together so young…but I do, and I need someone who is around my same level and I really feel like ages plays a HUGE part in that.
(*side note, my 22 yr old friend is starting his PhD at UCal in the fall…the one exception to my age prejudice lol)
I make it a habit not to share my age immediately (probably young relative to the majority of this group) because there is ageist stereotyping in society. And I understand why. I know I'm a mature individual; I've been through too much in my life to be anything but. Yet, I do recognize the immaturity and ignorance of my general age group… but I also acknowledge the immaturity of those a decade ahead of me. It's more tragic, in my eyes, to be a grown person f*cking up your life than a young person.
Take my cuzzo for example: She is pushing 30, doesn't have enough credit to get her own apartment without someone to cosign (and nobody will), wants to live fly and flashy on a meek and modest pay scale… and is basically a gotdamn fool. She's MUCH older than me, but I could probably get a loan for a car a lot easier than she could. SMH
I'm starting to think that "mature" means "interested in marriage" here…
Right!?! I was wondering why being ready to settle=maturity. Like I've said before, I'm in no hurry to get remarried, does that put my maturity into question? I don't judge a man's maturity by whether or not he's ready to get married. Besides, there's a lot of 18 yr olds running around getting married these days.
I guess by the way the thread is going, Larry King is Gandolf-wise. (7 wives and counting…)
Oh snap, I feel a list coming…..
We may be on the same page Anna.
Nah, that is not what I was thinking at all….been there and done that. lol.
What Maturity Means to Me – Cuz Marriage Ain't Necessarily It
by Anna Nimous
1. Not blaming "the man" for holding you back.
2. Being able to get a woman's attention without yelling at her accross the room.
3. Having YOUR shyt together.
4. The ability to bounce back, not just "clap back".
5. Being able to show emotion without looking like a straight punk (lookin' at you, T.O.).
6. Realizing that if you don't have a job, looking for a job IS your job.
7. Knowing how to say what you're feeling, even when you just want to ring someone's neck.
8. Knowing that your actions have consequences.
9. Realizing that you just may be too old for that outfit.
10. Having your parents come to your for money.
11. The day the old folks in your family start letting you drink with them.
What am I missing?
COSIGN THE HELL OUT OF 5.
It's a true art when a man can show emotion without showing his vagina.
Let me cosign 1000x both yours and EduFirst's lists. Although, I think #10 and #11 are just further signs of the rest of the list and not necessarily a requirement of maturity.
Also…
#16 Realizing that it's nothing to brag about if you spend your days drinking/smoking and/or get away with driving f*cked up on a regular. I know a man who will literally brag about how he usually drinks a beer while in the shower and stays drinking the rest of the day. 0_0 (Okay, this one may not normally be on a list to signify maturity but it's a damn big sign of immaturity.)
#17 Knowing when to not share your views on controversial topics, especially when your views are extreme.* I work at a Community Health Center and we're currently working with a moderately-sized amount of substance abusers. My new "boss" thought it was a good idea to dispute the medical community and state that addiction was not a disease while in a room full of physicians she's going to have to work closely with. Whether right or wrong, it was a stupid thing to do.
*I understand that a large number of men are iffy when it comes to homosexuality, but I feel it's immature when your homophobia turns into outright hatred. (I realize I may be doing the very thing I call out in #17, ahhh the irony).
Co-sign the part in brackets. There is something really unattractive and immature about homophobia in general not just in it developing to hatred. I don't know why a person can huff about racial discrimination/sexism/any-other-ism he/she can be pinned for and then in the same breath hate up on someone for their sexual preference… #hypocrite
I get really turned off when a man acts brand new if I tell him about my gay friends. My best friend is a gay man and I support his lifestyle whole-heartedly and screaming about "f*cking fags" (bs I hear on the regular here in the South) is a Disney FastPass straight to my bad side.
Also, what does it say about you if just mentioning homosexuality or homosexual people makes you so uncomfortable you gotta get up and leave the room? O_o #trappedinthecloset
12. The desire to seek a mate based on more than physical ass(ets) or financial "success"
13. Not having a myriad of pipe dreams, but rather a discernible plan for achieving actual goals
14. An aversion to running from responsibility…
15. Not living with your parents while simultaneously blowing ca$h on unnecessary items & bragging about how you are "ballin' on a budget…" (SAVE, NEGRO/ETTE!)
…those would be my additions…
There's a saying that goes "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional." And from reading through the replies, that seems to be the consensus here. Maturity level determination is an interesting thing. It's easy to discount a dude because he has pics of Beyonce or Zoe Saldana up in his bedroom or a Batman figure collection that reflects countless eBay bids. But what about that dude who's "successful" but is impatient, intolerant, judgemental, etc. as all get out? Is that not emotional immaturity too? BTW, this could totally be flipped for women with Boris/Morris pics on their iPhone, Barbie collections, etc. Just wondering….
It might be just me, but it bothers me when men don't think it's true that women/girls mature faster than men/boys.
From what I've experienced, Girls are conditioned to mature faster. We are taught to cook and clean and do laundry at a younger age than boys. Most boys aren't taught to do that, and their mothers will do those things for them still at a later age in life. I know when I was 12 years old I was washing my own clothes, while my cousin's mother was still doing his, even when he was like 16 and 17. I also had to take care of my younger siblings and I know a lot of young males at the time didn't have that type of responsibilty. I think a lot of it has to do with traditional roles in families, that the woman takes care of the household and men presumably bring home the bacon. Although we can argue that in our time, our roles aren't that traditonal, I still feel like a lot of parents instill those things in their children in some form or another.
As far as dating, I happen to look younger than my age, and I ALWAYS had dudes trying to approach me, when I was 18, I had a 15 year old seriously try to holla, and when I told him my age, he was straight up like "SO!?!?!" LOL! I have a rule that I will not date anyone older than 5 year than me, I just don't want someone who's been there and done that, I find in those situations, I can't grow with that person. In my experience with younger men, even if it's just 2 or 3 years, I find that we are just not on the same page in life. Alot of that has to do with experience, so yes I will agree that age doesn't mean that you are automatically more mature. But we as women I feel like has to go through more, which gives us that experience which a lot of times makes us more mature.
"It might be just me, but it bothers me when men don’t think it’s true that women/girls mature faster than men/boys."
Don't be bothered girl. Let Poppa Slim comfort and shield you from these young hooligans.
On another note, I'd say dating an immature girl is the worst thing in the world.lol.
Poppa Slim, huh? I see you!
Ahahahaha! Hmph!! Man I need somebody to shield me cuz these young boys think they got game!!! I had a youngin straight up tell me "J, you got that glow!!!!" (no Last Dragon) LOL!!
Just because girls want to grow up and play house sooner doesn't mean they're more mature.
It just mean your clocks are ticking and ya'll trying to find someone to fit into your to do list before ya time runs out!
really? that's what you concluded from all of the comments on the subject? that it comes down to women wanting to "play house"?
Nick, I think you meant to throw in a #shotsfired after that last comment.
What kind of shots can you fire from a water gun?
http://instantrimshot.com/
What are your thoughts on age of potential significant others?
-I'm 19. Right now I'd date anyone (well not anyone) between 19 and 23.
How do you go about handling those who seem real mature but then drop an age on you that isn’t what you expected?
-This hasn't happened yet…lol. Well not with guys anyway. Usually I think they are younger and find out they're older.
And perhaps more importantly, how do you define maturity?
-cant really define it but age does not equal maturity. every year brings forth new experiences that hopefully help an individual to mature but some are more sheltered than others and some just never learn so…and then there are people who mature really early.
"We also all know the chick with the OD strict parents that dominated her life until she had a ring on her finger."
I cry because this chick is me. And given the "statistics" out there I shouldn't look forward to getting that ring anytime soon. Woe is me.
Don't listen to all that nonsense out there.
The bottom line is all this "mixer", "party", "high education" bs will always lead to conflict because it isn't natural. We weren't meant to socialize in sin so expect everything to go wrong. People who live simple lives and do simple things don't have these problems. Wisdom has nothing to do with age and everything to do with your lifestyle. Simplify it or don't complain about your problems.