I said "Holly" not "Hobby"!
Today, I’m writing about a certain type of swindle that occurs between men and women. This swindle rears its head when men/women pursue an individual whom they want to beat those get to know better, but they are otherwise occupied or not interested. They seem to accept residence in the friendship zone, but this is part of their master plan for sexual domination. Why does it seem as if (s)he can be such a good friend when they were so interested/attracted to you? It’s because you, my friend, are a Hobby Chick:
Ladies – You know the guys whom you tell that you’re not interested, yet they seem to hang around and are accessible when you want to complain, blow off steam, or need a favor? They’ll chill with you here or there, keeping things platonic unless they see some sort of daylight (here you’re having guy problems, see you as extra affectionate, etc). They play the role as the male heterosexual bestie, yet you know in the back of your mind he’s attracted, yet you don’t feel threatened? This is because you are the hobby chick! My dude has a stable of women, a girlfriend, or c) both a) and b), but you are like his crown jewel. He’s treating you like Pokemon: Gotta catch em all! Adding you to his collection would be the ultimate win. He’ll compliment you, say all the right things, act chivalrous, treat you right… “and gurl he’s not even trying to get in my pants!!” #SWINDLE. You think that he got the point when you refused his advances, but he loses no ground. He’s getting what he needs to get from others, so working on you in his spare time serves as a nice side quest in his main quest to pimp all over the world. Even Steve Urkel was wearing Laura Winslow down while he was dating Myra (and I still say he’s a fool for that, Myra was FINE!! R.I.P.)
Fellas - O you thought we were exempt? Please. We can be “Hobby Dudes” as well! You know the women who know you have a significant other or “situations” and she still plays you close? She isn’t lurky1 persay, but she’s subconsciously disregarded your statement and will still do things for you, chill with you whenever, keep a “strong friendship”, all the while she has ulterior motives. This is usually the “I don’t care if he has a GF” type women. Don’t get it twisted Hobby Chicks, if you have a man this happens to you too! Remember the classic phrase “What’s your man gotta do with me?!” With Hobby Dudes, however, this definition can get more complex. A woman will also make you a hobby dude if she sees you as potential boyfriend material, but feels like she needs to “mold you” into her ideal candidate. She may even “wait around” for you “be ready” to wife her, while she still dates & gets into other relationships with other men! She isn’t losing either way, so she can give you tips, tell you what ‘women” would like you to wear, say, and do. You think its a friend trying to help you win, but that’s half true. She’s trying to help you win WITH HER!
Now as always there are exceptions to this rule, but this happens a LOT with men/women in relationships; Especially relationships on the rocks. Too many times have I seen couples who try to reconcile, only to see the Hobby vultures circle and strike! Then a few months down the line, that “dream relationship” goes down the drain. This isn’t a PSA to be weary of all “friends” of the opposite sex. I just want women mainly, and men also, to realize that a lot of people, especially randoms, will use the guise of a platonic friend to win.
Have you experienced the Hobby Chick / Dude situation? Have you ever treated a woman/man as a hobby? Do you disagree? Lets speak on it.
1 - Another word for stalker or someone who watches too close. Think of the people who read status messages to see where you are and popup unexpectedly, or somehow get your contact info without consent.
Yeah I got swindled recently. Reading this just made me realize it too. Smh
Thank you for putting a name for this type of situation and person. This is very true and i have experienced it. Well for me, I am very aware when a "close friend" is trying to get in. Is this a personal experience?
p.s…the second sentence of the first paragraph is not clear. It seems like you had two thoughts and put both without realizing.
Sorry I had a strikethrough that didnt materialize. Its fixed now!
I knew it!!!! This has Streetz written all over it!
And now a I finally have an actual term to define what I knew damn well all along what I was to this dude long ago!!!
Thanx!!!
xoxo,
Lola
this is so dayum true!!
I was the girlfriend with a guy that had a slew of girls that he was HOBBY DUDE to (they were just friends 'looking out for him" YEAH RIGHT)..they would go out whenever we needed space from each other..then I recently became the friend (HOBBY CHICK) that he takes to the movies on the weekends and does whatever else on all the other days…and he does have a whole basket of females he keeps close as hobbies…
swindle, swindle….
how can I unSUB to this club???
Well if you think he's trying to get at you, and he's spending $$ and doing all else to be a good friend, let him! lol… just dont fall for the trap.
Either that or make it clear that things won't go in a certain direction. It doesn't sound like you don't enjoy his company so…
The experienced can detect this behavior easily. been there done that and dodging potential hobbyists.
Yeah, this is a classic swindle too…women really get sucked into this one..the nice guy, doesn't care about having sex, and we can talk about anything….a win-win situation one would think….but, NO. this negro is just waiting to wear you down until you drop the panties…and then he will be OUT so fast it will make your head spin…or even worse you will become a part of his rotation of women….it's okay, if that's all you want ladies, but if you want more, this man will not be the one to give it to you….don't wait around for him to change either…keep it moving…cause this negro will waste up all of your time and you still won't end up with him…..
Good post Streetzie!
Thank you my Queen *tips cap*
Whats funny is women will play along, thinking they can change a dude… and then they end up getting reverse swindled! Damn shame, especially for you women in relationships who think this dude is the "one you really need" and you end up getting shafted.
The swindle. I think that my experience with this was started at a young age by women in DC. I think that there is always a delta between who we should be with and who we want to be with. Case in point, there's a lot of guys that women like that they know are just not that good for them. So they will pursue that guy, but keep another guy around for the constant attention they won't get from other guys. Guys do the same thing, and I think that it has to do with some people's inability to be alone or to not have anything while they work towards a goal.
However… there are some chicks who make good FWBs, side pieces, jumpoffs, and even casual date companions that they have one deal breaker that will keep you from ever wanting to seriously pursue them. I think there is hope for these people, but there may not be.
Good Post.
One addendum, I think some chicks become the hobby because a dude cant bag immediately. Case in point: There was the chick that I was feeling all through college. She was feeling me back though. Like I really liked her, and I was trying to wife but she wasnt having that. However, instead of just cutting my losses, I kept her close, still chilled from time to time. But in the mean time, I was still w/ other jawns doing my thing. Senior year rolled around and we finally did the deed and probably would have tried a relationship had she not moved away. A chick can be a hobby b/c that's ultimately what the dude wants
PEYSO,
I cosign, but that type of Hobby is called courting, lol…
This is more of the headbeats that men and women put on people that they ened to swindle in some way shape or form to get with/ engage in intercourse.
Think about it fam. You in a frat. How many dudes you know /women you know were in relationships and fell to a "friend" like Grant Hill aka London Bridge?!
You dont gotta put it out there, lol… but YOU KNOW
Courting is never four years long. Not exactly, I wanted her but I couldnt have her so I needed to do anything us.
Am I going to put myself out there???Well yes, I am. I will admit I have been the hobby chick, and I have been "hobbied"….Idk. We need to work out the terminology. Seriously though, I haven't gone into the extremes of being malicious, BUT, I have settled for friendship with a guy in hopes of getting into a relationship (while he had a girlfriend)…which ended up with us ultimately being friends. My experience is..don't settle. You should not ever have to convince a man to want you–it makes it less sweet. As for men, that's the best way to get in there, for men are conquerors. When women try to conquer, especially via hobbying (goodness, I love that word), the dynamics of the relationship is set up for failure.
On the other hand, I have a couple guys "hobbying" me now. I still don't know how I feel about such things, but since I'm completely single, I won't deny the fact that it feels good to know I'm desired.
Well since your single, we all hobby in some way when we're unattached. You probably got hobbied while you were in a relationship, and just don't know.
Especially if the BF/GF is corny/#theuglyfriend/not built like you, you'll hobby the eff out of an individual until it all fals down.
ha!
I keep a steady team of "hobbies"… men that I wouldn't mind dating but something about them just isn't ready yet so we kick it. Or men that I use to occupy my time until I move out of the country to be with my first choice.
I'm sure I've been a hobby or two but it surprisingly doesn't bother me because none of them were ever my 1st choice.
I've been the hobby chick–didn't realize it immediately. eh. I've had a hobby dude too, and he definitely knew it. so no #swindle. LOL
Twin,
Im starting to think you're a player. lol!
I'm not sure who does this more often, men or women. I think that men are more likely to do it because they might actually cheat for whatever reason, women do it because they want someone to step right in when their man effs up.
Dr. J: "Case in point, there’s a lot of guys that women like that they know are just not that good for them. So they will pursue that guy, but keep another guy around for the constant attention they won’t get from other guys. Guys do the same thing, and I think that it has to do with some people’s inability to be alone or to not have anything while they work towards a goal."
Co-sign. Usually if guys want a relationship but aren't close to being ready to really settle down, we'll keep several "hobbies" nearby. Just keeping our options open.
I think (and I'm sure the ladies will correct me if I'm wrong) women keep hobbies because they may not find everything they want in one man, so have several "hobbies" to fulfill what the main man isn't providing. They'll date the thug that's no good for them with a hobby who will listen when they vent, and another hobby who will put that entertainment system together or help them move without charging them, etc.
I’m not sure who does this more often, men or women. I think that men are more likely to do it because they might actually cheat for whatever reason, women do it because they want someone to step right in when their man effs up.
^^^
And there you have it!
HELL YEA!
I'm not going to even lie, men lose their good girl to hobbying negros all the time….Quite unfortunate!
"I think (and I’m sure the ladies will correct me if I’m wrong) women keep hobbies because they may not find everything they want in one man, so have several “hobbies” to fulfill what the main man isn’t providing."
na, you're right.
"…or even worse you will become a part of his rotation of women….". Chiiiiiiiile if you don't say that there!
But seriously, ITA with some of the others here. I have fallen victim to the swindle, thus becoming a hobby girl. Everything you said Jeezy is so on point, I can only sit here and laugh! You live and you learn, at least I know how to define it. Great one my friend
Dayum you hit a homerun with this one. I have kept a guy just because he was easy pickings, yes. It's nice to have a go to that is a heterosexual and can give you all of the things boyfriend will give you because he actually likes you. I am sure I have been kept too.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
I'm still trying to get who's a hobby straight, lol. I see where you're coming from, but I don't think it's a swindle everytime. Even if it does start out as a swindle, you can only spend so much time appreciating another person without chex and NOT become a genuine friend. It's kind of like a battle of wills, where one person is in the friend zone thinking "I'll lay low here until her panties drop/defenses are down" and the other person thinks to themself "If I keep you in this friend zone long enough you'll get comfy and become an actual friend."
It wont be a swindle all of the time, but if you have a man and a dude you kow was feelin you wants to "be friends" especially if he wasnt friends with you first? #SWINDLE!!!
lol…
True, true – but if I can call you for help on moving day I don't care why you want to be my friend, lol! Just pick up the other end of that sofa.
See, you just realized the power of the reverse swindle. Im pround of you TT!
I have to say I am currently in this situation right now and I dont mind Im a hobby chick and he's my hobby dude.. We vibe we laugh we talk about all seriousness… Iam having a good time being single and Iam not ready to throw in the towel just yet and having many eggs in basket makes life less stressful and more exciting On the other hand like my hobby dude but I know nothing can happen right now and I respect that… am I waiting for him no by means but If its meant they it will be.
Am I the only person who is annoyed by this behavior and who doesn't engage in it?
I stopped accepting "friends" that had an initial interest in me…I've had too many guys try to keep me as the hobby chick and it usually ends with him being pissed and feeling like he's wasted his time – which I don't understand because once I let you know there is no attraction/interest on my part (in a nice way of course) for you to persist under the guise of "friendship" is really you just setting yourself up for disappointment.
There are probably a few men who can eventually accept and settle into their role as "just a friend" if that is what their fate is, but in my experience most don't have the patience or the ego-fortitude to deal with their plan never coming to fruition
It seems like a lot of women don't mind the attention, I kinda wish I could be like that but ulterior motives of any kind just annoy the hell out of me…sometimes I think I'm too straighforward for my own good
HeadMistress: "I stopped accepting “friends” that had an initial interest in me…I’ve had too many guys try to keep me as the hobby chick and it usually ends with him being pissed and feeling like he’s wasted his time – which I don’t understand because once I let you know there is no attraction/interest on my part (in a nice way of course) for you to persist under the guise of “friendship” is really you just setting yourself up for disappointment."
QFT. I'm sorry, but if I just met you and I'm interested in you, if you aren't interested in me, we can cut ties right there. Unless there is something else you can do for me, I have no interest in being friend-zoned and have you coming around all the time. I already have plenty of female friends. You can be an acquaintance, or be friended on Facebook, and I'll invite you and your friends to a barbecue or something, but that's about it.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-starte…
Thank you for your contribution to a hobby-free society! LOL
Ok, I just read that link…HI-EFFIN-LARIOUS!!!
I just cannot be that girl, I have absolutely no desire to subject any man to that nonsense
I think this happens a whole lot between men and women. I just don't think it's a swindle or even something negative. I think it's just a by product of circumstance. I've had tons of "hobby" chicks in my time. They were mutually beneficial relationships. Sometimes it was because one of us was single and the other wasn't, sometimes it was because she wanted more than I could give at the time, and she wouldn't settle for just being a FWB – in that case, we were hobbying each other I guess. Another time it was because of distance.
Let me tell you the greatest Hobby story of all time:
12th grade, my homegirl T had a falling out with her best friend and broke up with her BF. We started talking in class and then, she started calling me all the time. Now, initially I was attracted, I thought she was feeling me, but, somehow, I stayed in the friend zone. By end of senior year, we were best friends. We went away to college and, I had my moments freshman year where I was crushing on her a bit on and off, but, I was doing my thing on campus so it didn't really matter. Years go by, we stay super close, she goes through a couple relationships, I go through a couple – but, through it all – still stay close, and it's never more than platonic.- Eventually, I meet the love of my life and get married and T is standing right there with me as the best woman at my wedding. After 3 and a half years of marriage, she's still my best friend. #NoSwindle
stay thristy my friends…
See, you guys were friends beforehand though…
I think it can go either way, but in the case of people who have situations and "friends" stay close… you can see it as a swindle.
Analysis before action my dude…lmao
Nah but I was hobbying her when I was in 12th grade. She had broke up with her man and had a falling out with her best friend. I was tryna fill both those voids but, she wasn't really interested in all that. So, I hobbied her hoping she'd eventually realize we should be together. That never happened.
I think she was hobbying me at the time too, she had her "first chocies" that she was dealing with but she also knew that I was there too and that, if she wanted to, she could snatch me up. Eventaully though, we grew out of hobbying each other, really became best friends.
see i have a story kind of like this with a friend from high school. only difference is i didn't get married and we ended up being more than friends. so i guess in the end i was the hobby dude or was she the hobby chick? *shrug*
i can see how this is a #swindle and i can see how it's not. i've genuinely been friends with women that i've been attracted to but i really didn't have any interest in bagging. everyone thought that we had to be effing on account of how beautiful they were and how i looked (#onmycockyish). i really believe that a man can be friends with a good looking woman.
on the other hand there have been plenty of women that i made "hobby chicks". and it was because of reasons you stated. i couldn't get her at first but then i figured since i had my team then i didn't need to have s*x with her. only thing is the more i spent time with her the more i realized that this woman was more complex than che guevara with bling on. i actually liked her for her *gasp* personality. at this point i've created quite a conundrum. i've already fallen into the friend zone but i really like this woman for more than her looks or just wanting to have sex with her.
i don't know if i've ever been the "hobby dude". i'm pretty sure i have but i'm not sure for who though. i do have my guesses though.
It pains me a bit to admit it but I don't think I was aware of this phenomenon before I read this.
Now I'm looking back on my life and realizing I've hobbied and been hobbied a lot of times. A LOT of times.
Thank you Streetz, for turning on the light!
Let me just state that this blog in no way questions whether or not men/women can be friends. I think we actually wrote about that (slim and sbm did a team post #noBruhz)
Just sayin with anyfriendship, beweare of the swindle
Definitely have been on Both sides of this #swindle…But my question is…when does the Hobby Classification become just plain ol' Thirsty??? I know some dudes who just HAVE to HAVE a certain female…knowing good and well the females arent attracted to them (stated numerous times) but take anything they can just to stay close..i.e. constantly initiating communication, in person visits, etc… To me, before the Hobby Classification was expertly developed, I would simply say they are Thirsty (midwest slang)….Is there a difference??? I mean this whole "wearing you down so you will see I'm the one" is like the ultimate Thirst taking over to me…Maybe I'm Lunchin' (What Up D.C.!)
Women deserve to get got with the amount of guys they keep in that glass jar of theirs. I'm sorry but I hold no empathy for women who get pecked by vultures, we've been dealing with it since forever.
I have hobbied (upgrading him till he is ready for me) and currently being hobbied (by your definition)…but that fool aint got a shot in hell! So he can continue if he wanna….so maybe I'm not a hobby.
Who knows…I like having a name for the face. Thanks Streetz!
I've fallen victim to this swindle and I've been this kinda swindler…lol *kanyeshrug*
Yes…I have been swindled, and I've also done the double reach back swindle with a twist, meaning that dude tried to swindle me while I was in a relationship, and was unsuccessful. Then, when I was out of the relationship, I tried to swindle him (he's in a relationship now). I think that we're both attracted to one another, so I don't think it officially fits into hobby status, but there has definitely been some "let me be your 'shoulder' to 'cry' on" action.
Lmao. Why am I just reading this?! Maybe I’m missing something. If I (provided that I accept your explanation of a hobby chick) am getting everything I want and need without giving up the goodies, how/why is being a hobby chick a bad thing?