**** Admin Note ****
Today we welcome back Wisdom is Misery. Remember you can find a whole library of his entertaining posts at WisdomIsMisery.com.
- SBM
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"By avoiding eye contact, he is sure to know I like him!"
LADIES, men don’t read signs. And even if they did, historically men are bad at asking for and following directions. Although everyone knows we are far better at giving directions than a woman, because every man has had a woman tell him something is “right down the street” four hours into a “quick run.” But I digress.
I was talking to a good friendgirl of mine the other day and somehow we got on the subject of some guy she liked, but she didn’t understand why he hadn’t approached her after all the “signs” she’d given him. I asked her for examples and she said something like: “Well, I smile at him a lot, I give him extra attention, and I flirt every chance I get.” At this point I let out a deep sigh.
I’m going to tell you like I told her: YOU’RE AN IDIOT.
Ladies, when it comes to men “signs” will leave you nowhere but LOST, SINGLE and ALONE. If you want a man to know you like him, the only way he’ll TRULY know is if you say these exact words: “[insert his name here], I like you.”
It is a scientific fact that men do not perceive signs the same way women do, especially emotional ones. Naturally I’m not talking about any of the lovely ladies reading this very sentence, but let’s take it to chuuch: look to your left, now look to your right, THOSE women are F.N. it up for errrybody by heave hoeing all kinds of fake-fraudulent- failed-I-just-wanted-some-attention-so-I’m-going-to-mess-with-this-guy’s-head signs into the game.
For example, a woman called me up one Saturday around 4am-ish. I was asleep. The phone call, however, woke me up. I checked my messages and here is an edited for all audiences version of what I heard:
“W.I.MMMMMM! Wherrrre arrrrre youuuuuu?!? I so want to come over there and [milk and cookies] till you make me [milk and cookies] with your [milk and cookies] then we’ll [MILK and cookies, milk AND cookies, MILKKKKK AND COOOOOKIESSSSS!]”
By the way, I can guarantee you nothing she said had the least bit to do with milk OR cookies! Therefore, the “signs” seemed pretty clear. But as is often the case when it comes to men trying to understand women – I was COMPLETELY AND UTERLY WRONG!
Not knowing the error of my ways, I called this woman back with great haste! I’m talking to her while hopping around the room pulling my jeans on because I’m thinking it’s business time – and do you know what she said to me?
Neither do I! Because it was so dumbfoundingly insane I blacked out. I remember it had the theme of something along the lines of “What kind of girl do you think I am?”
Look ladies, I don’t know if you know this – but ALL OF YOU ARE INSANE. Every man everywhere has been in or at least had a boy who runs off to meet some woman who has lied her a** off led him to believe that he will be having guaranteed s*xual relations with her. Yet when you ask that man, “What happened last night?” Through eyes glazed with bewilderment and frustration he gives you some long winded story that with tragic frequency ends with the words: “…but then she started acting funny.”
At this point, there is no need to explain further because “she started acting funny” is universal man slang for:
“Pardon my rudeness and elevated tension levels this morning fine gentlemen, but I’m not sure what took place last night or the circumstances that lead to its tragic finale. Nevertheless, s*xual relations were not favorably acquired or presented to me in the manner or ease in which I was lead to believe prior to making the expedition to be with said woman. The very same woman, I might add, who led me to reach the conclusion that relations would without a doubt be taking place in the first place. This has been a most disconcerting experience. Therefore, I am most vexed, quite perplexed and must rest before thine head doth explode all over your non-pretreated furniture. Please excuse me.”
So ladies, for the love of God, if you like a guy or if you want a guy to say or do something JUST FREAKING SAY IT because men DO NOT understand women, at all, what-so-ever. Any man that says he does is a liar or a fool or both. When it comes to women, there is only one type of signal women consistently give men:
THE WRONG ONES!
– W.I.M.
@WisdomIsMisery
Idiots? Check.
ABSOLUTELY NO SIGNS? Check.
Say it straight forward? Check.
No misleading information? Check.
LOL
The type of man who knocks you off your feet and gets the drawz LONG before you were planning to give 'em to him doesn't ask first and you DON'T have to tell him.He just knows.
…swoons…
However, WIM, that girl was a straight up b*tch. There is no reason to call someone at 4AM unless you are going to jail, the hospital, or the bedroom.
I'm too tired to type a proper response, so for now, I'll just cosign all of what you have here.
"However, WIM, that girl was a straight up b*tch. There is no reason to call someone at 4AM unless you are going to jail, the hospital, or the bedroom."
QFT.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my all-time fav part of this post
"… I so want to come over there and [milk and cookies] till you make me [milk and cookies] with your [milk and cookies] then we’ll [MILK and cookies, milk AND cookies, MILKKKKK AND COOOOOKIESSSSS!]”
I literally laughed out loud. And I'm about to go and fix this stupid mistake I made. Ughh. I gotta FREAKING SAY IT now… ughh #ShouldHaveHadAV8Moment
*beats forehead* V8…V8…V8…
LMAO @ the translation for "she started acting funny." Except you know it's really "akin" funny.
As a female…I think I may fall somwhere in that "not knowin" area…
If you don't come right out and say whats really real…then it's lost on me also.
Either I am not clever enough to read between the lines…or…I'm to lazy to try and decipher it.
Say what you mean…and then mean what you say. How 'bout THAT!
…and umm, I will try and do the same…LMAO
*I know, I am a walking contradiction….but I am soft so it makes up for it on the rare occassion I let you feel the softness…which again is a contradiction*
I'm pretty direct most of the time…but, what I'm not going to do…is go up to a guy and say "I like you"….I think men are getting lazy with the whole courting ritual….men don't even want to court anymore…you just want me to come over to you and hand you my number huh? Since when doesn't a smile work as indication that a woman is interested..what more do we need to do…if a woman smiles at your continuously..and you like what you see…go over and try and holla…if you get the boot (for whatever the reason)…on to the next one…its not rocket science. You win some and then you may lose some…..
As far as "booty calls" gone wrong….I think what you may have encountered was a woman who changed her mind…..maybe, you took too long to call back or she made a number of "booty calls" and someone else was already headed over there (or there already)….sometimes, we mean what we say at the time we are saying and then upon further reflection..we change our minds..or whatever…..but I don't see anything wrong with giving a guy signs…stop being so lazzy..you know what it is…just take the leap, we are not going to make it easy for you WIM….
A smile may mean we like you..come on over and say hello..at the very least we will have a good conversation.
Just found out this post was up. I happen to be replying here because this comment was the 1st to catch my attention. Anywho…
I was having this exact same conversation with @boissuq on Twitter the other day. In my humble opinion, I think a lot of women tend to confuse "courtship" with complacency. If I ran up to every woman that smiled at me, I'd get turned down 9 times out of 10. I need something a lot clearer than a smile – because every woman that smiles at me isnt interested. I just think "signs" are overrated. Actions > words/signs.
If a woman is interested in me, I want to know. And yes, I'll admit I dont want to have to work hard to find out. Maybe I am lazy.
But if I could sit around waiting on women to roll up to me, trust me, I'd do that too. And that's what women do…as far as I can tell.
So…I agree that women should be more active participants in courting. However, it's important to understand that every man doesn't believe in or participate in courting. In the same fashion, all women don't want to be courted. I think that is something that has to be communicated POST initial interaction and contact. It's not something that can be transmitted through osmosis…I've tried. Utter failure.
Now I HAVE told a man that I was interested in him, so I'm not a woman that believes a man has to initiate all contact. I do however believe a man should be a man. If I approach you and you are indeed feeling me, act on that. It's not rocket science. Don't expect me to spoon feed you everything. I don't want to date a man that I have to write instructions on how to date me, or please me. It requires some effort and yes, for you to pay attention.
I believe in helping facilitate the introduction and intial contact process, but I will not wear the pants in my relationship. I prefer to wear heels, and skirts…and the occasional thong, but I digress.
Queen T: “I’m pretty direct most of the time…but, what I’m not going to do…is go up to a guy and say “I like you”….I think men are getting lazy with the whole courting ritual….men don’t even want to court anymore…”
I understand what you’re saying, but this isn't a case of men not wanting to court anymore. This is more of the particular instance when it’s the woman that is interested in a guy that may not even notice her. If a man is into you, I agree with you 100%, it is up to him to be a man and approach you. But if a woman is interested, it is up to her to make those intentions known or risk losing out. At the very least, it is up to her to strike up some kind of conversation. We aren't trying to approach every women we see that smiles in our direction.
Queen T: “when doesn’t a smile work as indication that a woman is interested..”
J actually beat me to the response to this. ” Women should not be using the same signals for flirting that they use for casual politeness.” Either that or a lot of women out there that smile at me on a daily basis are really feeling me. Which I guess could be true also, but I doubt it.
As a woman who's actually gone the "I like you" route couple times . . . um . . . it's nice to be direct but as bad as men may think they are at understanding signs, we women are just as bad. And I won't be doing that again. Let's just put it that way, lol.
If I like you, I like you . . . there won't be any guess work to it. And if I don't and you try to holla, unless you're slimey/sleezy, I probably won't play you.
YUP.
With a guy you weren't feeling in the first place, they seem easier to read because you didn't care about them in the first place. But with someone you really like, sometimes you read too much into everything and now a smile is a come-on, a laugh is an "i love you", and a "you're a great person" is a sign to jump on somebody.
Men can be confusing too, it's just not allowed.
Exactly. As a chronic overthinker in all facets of life (lol) I need not go that route again unless he's waving a flag.
CO-Sign
You are on point, men and women definitely communicate the same. It takes a lot of work, and ill definitely not 100% there yet.
There's a good amount of women that still believe in men courting them, so good luck on getting them to actually say "I like you" to a guy. According to those rules (which i don't agree with), thats a guys a job, and if the woman turns us down, who cares, onto the next on onto the next one.
SIt's 2010, men or women cant sit in the corner and expect people to approach them and then complain when no one does. Put yourself out there and see what happens.
I'm pretty direct in the initial stages of telling the man I'm "interested" and I "want" him..but after I get him, say 6 months down the road? I'm completely guilty of being pissed when he doesn't 'READ' my mind and know exactly what I want. hmmphf
(insert pouty glossy lips)
Just by brushing against his shoulders I want him to kiss me and hug me, fuck me and tell me he loves me!
Just by calling him I want him to instantly know I want him to ask me out to dinner, buy me flowers, take me on a weekend getaway.
What men don't automatically know these things??
Well dayum!
thanks for opening my eyes..gots to do mo bedda!!
"Look ladies, I don’t know if you know this – but ALL OF YOU ARE INSANE."
Yes. Yes, we are. And yet you still want us. Which makes you…?
"which makes us…"
…A victim of circumstance.
LMAO. Co-sign. And with that…back to work. May comment some more later.
Oh yeah, and as always, thanks for the host @ SBM.
"…A victim of circumstance."
The above, must be a new entry in the thesaurus, under "stupid". After all, ya'll asked for us. See, "FirstManintheWorld, Adam."
LMAO! iLove it!
Actually, if you read the creation story, we (Man or Adam) were chilling. We were eating right, naming animals and plants. Playing video games and all that, basically living the good life. Then, God said it was not good for man to be alone (he's mysterious in his wisdom), so, he put us to sleep, pulled out a rib and made a woman. It was all downhill from there.
We try to get the woman all acclimated into this world we just finished naming and setting up, and she knows the one rule – don't eat from that tree over there. Does she listen, no. She gets #swindled but the all time greatest swindler, and then brings us into her swindle.
Now, we get punished (we did try to throw her under the bus on the low – God wasn't having it though). So he punishes both of us. Now, instead of chilling, men have to work to eat, we gotta garden and plant stuff and all types of previously unnecessary crap. Women gotta have extreme pain when they have kids, and more interesting, they will have a constant and unquenchable desire for male companionship.
So – point is – we never really understood why you guys were brought here. God, in his infinite wisdom saw fit to create you all. Prior to that though, we were pretty content without you all. You all on the otherhand, do not know life without us because when you got here, we were already here. So you want us. Not to reverse. We basically tolerate yall till we can get back with God and ask him why he brought yall here and let yall mess up the beautiful situation we had…
I'm just playing… sort of…
@TheMostInterestingManintheWorld: I think that was the Most Interesting Post in the World (or that Ive seen today – whatever).
LOL @ TMIMITW – you make a great argument except the swindle part – Eve was thoroughly deceived or "swindled" but Adam sinned WILLFULLY.
Adam could have refrained and maybe said "Nah B*tch you wildin, G said we ain' even 'posed to touch dat isht!".
Being that he was still perfect and in God's favor, through sincere & ernest supplication he could have simply asked God for a new woman and upon receipt of said new perfect woman cautioned her to the devil's crafty ways…then he would've had two – a wifey and a jump off (with the knowledge of good and bad
to do all those dirty things with)
But noooo, he had to be stupid…
@TheMostInterestingManintheWorld,
I love tomes just as much as the next person, but you still wrote "men are stupid" in tome-ese.
"“Yes. Yes, we are. And yet you still want us. Which makes you…?"
Women are crazy. Men are stupid.
"Men are stupid."
the first step is admitting that you're powerless over women…
however, i am annoyed at the broads that use this power for evil and fudge it up for the rest of us…
i'm just sayin…
“I’m going to tell you like I told her: YOU’RE AN IDIOT.”
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
“Look ladies, I don’t know if you know this – but ALL OF YOU ARE INSANE.”
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
*pokes in the eye*
Interesting post…by the way, hello everyone. I don't think that women are all that complicated. The one thing is that we often change our minds about things. This may happen as soon as we say something. For instance: I might say aloud, "I want some ice cream," but I might think to myself, "I'd better leave the ice cream alone, I'm trying to cut down on sweets." Well, if a guy is driving while this is going on and he sees an ice cream place, he pulls over (being the hero that he is) and goes for the ice cream. The lady on the other hand is thinking to herself, "What is he doing?" Same with sex….I might say aloud that I want some slammin' sex, but I could get a call from my girlfriend who has just been physically or verbally abused by her SO. Well, I no longer want sex anymore. Sorry…….
I'm a woman. What can I say.
Interesting… this post coincides w/ a girl friend of mine's Go Smack Day 2010. That's today 6.1.2010. She is encouraging all of her female friends to 'Go Smack' aka be straight up w/ the man you like. Rather it's tellin him what you're really feeling about the relationship (100% honest — good or bad) or just saying '[insert name], I like you.'
But I do want to point out that this is a special occassion. It's Go Smack Day and I doubt any of the girlies will continue this pattern beyond today.
You shoulda been "goin' smack" at the cookout – all I saw was a bunch of folks smackin' their lips round some food and drank, lol.
Y'all got new lingo for days…..
BWHAHAHA!! I kneeeeeww I could count on you to call me out today. It's okay. My GFs made some moves right after you left. I promise. Good times.
Too funny. I lean towards the "shy" side because I prefer my men to be a little more forward. If you can't get it together to approach me after I smile….you're not my type. Both of us can't be scurry, lol.
umm.. i'm on the fence about this one..
a couple of weeks ago, i ran into this dude i'd met when i was out with my friend.. scooted over to him and said, "you know i have a crush on you, right?!" and he was so floored he didn't know what to do..
but dang, i'm 31, i ain't got that kinda time…
but then again.. when did my smiling at you, and my STARING at you become code for "she's got a speech tick, and she needs glasses cuz she's cross eyed"
it means i'm interested, plain and simple.. it ain't rocket science.. but since we all have more games than Parker Brothers, i don't tell dudes i like them because honestly, i can't initially have the ball in my court..
and dudes know they don't like the woman having the ball in her court until they're comfortable with her.. (after a couple of get togethers.. or phone calls, SOMETHIN!)
that's just the way it is.. but then again, i think the "men" down in Florida are a diffeent breed entirely… so maybe my opinion is a product of my environment..
*that's my disclaimer for those whose briefs get twisted..*
oh.. and i'm SO upset at the wake up call about the milk and cookies (R.I.P. Bernie Mac..).. i'm gonna need her to NEVER do that again.. but then again, i'm sure she's cried wolf for the last time.. cuz men don't fall for that ish from the same woman more than once..
was she drunk?? that sounds like a drunk call…
i WILL say that i'm very spontaneous.. so if i call and you take too long to get back at me, then yeah, that might be a "no go".. i want it when i want it…
sorry, that's the beauty of me..
Too funny. I lean towards the “shy” side because I prefer my men to be a little more forward. If you can’t get it together to approach me after I smile….you’re not my type. Both of us can’t be scurry, lol.
___________________________
Not directed at you but what you wrote illustrates the problem I see. Women should not be using the same signals for flirting that they use for casual politeness. I often hear women say that guys are agressive when they have no interest. But some of that is because your signals aren't distinctive which leaves guys having to guess about when you are flirting and when you are just being polite. When you are flirting or interested in a guy you should do something more obvious or clear then just smiling.
It really bothers me that women are still trying to use signs. Everyday we read or hear about a over thirsty dude that took some poor woman's smile as an excuse to tell her about the good good that's he's delivering. This is proof enough that we suck at reading and sh*t. We read signs that aren't there (we all know of a dude who's like "Yo she's feelin me" and in reality she's not feeling him whatsoever) and we miss the ones that should probably matter more (we all know of a girl who's always making sure "her friend" has a plate but the friend aint never holler). However, in the defense of ladies, once a dude knows a chick is feeling him, his pimp will die. Or he'll use it to his advantage. The way to correct this ladies (and men), once you let the bol/jawn know that they are indeed being felt, dont act any differently and see what develops
Cosign. Couldnt say it better!
I think where you are is huge. I am in NYC, nuff said.
Look it is simple like a PB&J sandwich. If a woman sees me-I see her-no smile-no holla.
The question is where is the best place to holla. I dont holla in the streets, bars/lounges nor bookstores, women have made any attempt to come off in these places as being sleazy. (I know he not trying to bag me while getting his doppio).
Just what environment do women feel the most confident that a mans attempts dont come off as tacky?
When younger it seem ladies loved the all out-you never know-carpe diem (in which they literally never saw me coming) approach but now in my 30's everyone is over thinking the issue. This paralysis thru analysis is not helping anyone. I am not waiting til the weekend (at the club/bar/lounge where you still spending money to fatten someone else's bottom line just to "maybe" get a number) to get my flirt on or tonight at the bar, heck going to lunch it may go down thats if she's not frontin like a broke teenager at the club.
Everyday life (the gym, public transportation, the post-office, political rallies, networking events, friends' house parties, college courses, professional workshops) ALWAYS trump the clubs/lounges as places to approach. Ask me how I know. It's always hard because you know nothing about the woman, but give a sincere compliment and carry the conversation until swapping info seems like a normal, logical next step, and you should be alright.
I'm still LMAO @ milkandcookies!
“W.I.MMMMMM! Wherrrre arrrrre youuuuuu?!? I so want to come over there and [milk and cookies] till you make me [milk and cookies] with your [milk and cookies] then we’ll [MILK and cookies, milk AND cookies, MILKKKKK AND COOOOOKIESSSSS!]”
Hilarious!! I'm in a training class and I almost burst out laughing when I read this.
So then my next question is… are we talking about females saying "Hey I like you/Hey I'm interested in you" to a dude we've know for a while and our feelings changed aka he eased outta the friend zone and he ain't catchin the hints – or – are we talking about about going smack at a man we don't know aka the club scene 'can I get your number?' type deal?
Thanks in advance,
Smack-a-roo
I'm talking about "Smackin" a man…I haven't had a friend move from the friend zone to the the be-my-man zone.
I'm a sign-giver, I'll admit it. I strenuously object to the idea of straight-up telling a dude I'm interested. But in my defense, my sign game is a little better than just smiling.
Here's what I do: I give a man three signs. When looked at them individually, they're probably not obvious, but if he looks at them collectively he'll know I'm feeling him.
If he doesn't, he's not smart enough to get with me.
ask youself this:
ladies if you're in a relationship with a guy (that 9.9 times outa 10 made him "put in work"), wat happens when he cum across a nice pretty chick who straight up say—"sexy.. i want you, il make you feel like a real man, & she cant do it lik me bc im da best". (words may vary)
what happens then?
or maybe i should ask my potnas if a situation like this was to happen with a female being completely straight forward & she shol aint ugly, what will happen next?
for many i know wat your answer would be & i call these females "NI**a stealers" bc 9 times outa 10 something going down.
but really aint nun wrong with cuming out & being straight foward. in fact that isht is extremly sexy & make you irresistable. maybe something a little more than saying "i like you" like an elementary school kid or a "smile & quick glance" like a high school kid will make it that much more better. (unless you like the wait & dont mind being 80 yrs old still asking "wheres my super man").
jus go out & try it. ul b surprised who you may get & how it long it may last bc even if you was to start a greeting/convo with "F*k sum sexy", he may still keep you & wifey you if the true qualities are right. if it aint & ur crazy, he aint sticking around nohow & it makes him not wanting to go APE for making him waste his time & effort
So…here's the thing. If I'm in a relationship, my man shouldn't be looking for signs. Period. He has a woman, so regardless of what the next chick does it shouldn't matter if we're in a relationship I AM being straight forward. I'm referring to men I WANT to me meet and get to know in hopes of some variation of a relationship.
I understand the whole "someone will do it concept"…but if you're in a relationship and open to others doing things for you, you might want to reconsider that. I'mjussayin.
Ummmm, no. If a man is in a relationship and welcomes that attention, he is called a cheater and is well on his way to a bricked up car, lol. Thirsty bytches have been around since the dawn of time…..and not too many of them end up with the ring. I want a man. Men like to pursue. If I take away that option by being extra forward the type of man I want will simply pursue someone else.
I'm not knocking being straight up like Paula Abdul…but I wouldn't use maneaters as my example of "what's hot in the streetz".
"Men like to pursue. If I take away that option by being extra forward the type of man I want will simply pursue someone else."
Exactly.
“Men like to pursue. If I take away that option by being extra forward the type of man I want will simply pursue someone else.”
Exactly.
________________________
Total Myth. Some men like to pursue. I personally never understood dudes chasing women that act disinterested.
Not saying men don't like to pursue. But at least for me I want to pursue someone that I know is interested. I haven't, probably since high school, chased a female to find out if she is interested. Or at least I've cut down on the amount of time I would put into a female to find out. In other words, a young dude might date a female for a month to find out if she is really interested or trying to get her interested. That's crazy to me. Time is money and there are too many females out here for me to chase a women that is not indicating she is interested. I need to know you are interested off top. So please throw clear signals if you interested. Or pretend you are not interested and wait for the next dude. I'll certainly be on to the next one.
"Thirsty bytches have been around since the dawn of time…..and not too many of them end up with the ring."
but they sho as he!! be yo man's "go to girl" wen u trippn or get outa line (you see them on cheaters all the time)
but really if you want somethin & he aint fully executing on the signs you giving then why not take matters into your own hands? he maybe thinking "o she real nice but im pretty sho a sweet thang like that gota man so ima save myself the embarrasment of rejection & jus coast along".
thats y i think if a female really want it, she should take it upon herself to go & get it because like shawty above said, it is too many females in the sea & time is money so heres an example:
if there were 2 twins; one smilin & giving signs & the other come straight up sayn "i want you" or wateva, il take both but twin 2 will be my ace-boon-coon (unless she on sum otha sh1t). its sexy especially if ur non-expecting & she's cute. not wats "hot in the streets".
*important* not jus any female can do this bc if she ugly, she wont get nun but an eyebrow raise wile i thank out loud "bytch please, not me" but still life is too short to stick out a sign & hope that certain one reads it so i cnt help but to compliment her actions in the end bc she made a move….i respect that
I would like to thank the OP for this post. Carry on.
I’m just going to add further commentary to some of the responses that tackle the whole issue of the ‘smile’…if you’re the kind of man that hits the pavement with the same level of confidence I do, then you’ll be inclined to believe that your pheromones are irresistible to the entire population of the fairer sex…so while some of you ladies believe a ‘smile’ should say enough this however still doesn’t absolve you from doing a little bit of leg work on your end…I don’t think most fellas are looking for you to walk over and slip your intimates into a pocket, unless you’re at the club and its’ “cant stay here time” but I do think we require a clearer indication of your interest level than the ‘smile’…we’re not looking for a hand out, but more so a hand up!
@ " When it comes to women, there is only one type of signal women consistently give men:
THE WRONG ONES!
You men have your lies and we women have our wrong signals – it keeps things balanced.
You want us to be clearer…you be honester
Co-sign!
That's classic! LOL!!!!
Question: In today's post picture, that guy is clearly
eye-boninggawking at her, so why doesn't HE say what he feels?Anyhow, I agree, directness is the best policy. However, are you sure that men are ONLY verbal creatures? You mean to say that obvious non-verbal cues will not register? Because, how I look walking up to a stranger talmbout, "I like you.". That's right, insane. Yes, women are insane, but that kinda insane ain't hot.
Any stranger telling someone "I like you" is crazy. Think about the verbal verses non-verbal cues when you don't know someone.
THEN look at the verbal verses non-verbal cues when the involved parties already know eachother.
Only when you know someone can you know what a "sign" from them looks like.
This is what kills me though… Look at what things women may call "signs" when trying to get a guy to make a move. That list of things (assuming she doesn't know the guy) she does are the same things she does when she is just trying to be "nice" to a guy she isn't interested in. Usually its the EXACT same things. So the signs are only signs to the guy she likes and everyone else need not to respond. So the guy she likes must have ESP. That is all.
"That list of things (assuming she doesn’t know the guy) she does are the same things she does when she is just trying to be “nice” to a guy she isn’t interested in."
Just curious…who are these women? Because I've never "tried to be nice to an "unknown" guy I wasn't interested in" and I don't know any women who do this…if he gets a smile it's because he smiled first and then he gets the reciprocatory "half-a$$ed fake b*tch, please don't come over here and look away quickly" smile
Look at it from a guy's perspective. How stupid would I be if I thought every female that smiles at me, likes me.
A smile should not be something you reserve for men you like. That's like a man sayin "If I scratch my head a girl should know I like her."
Look I've said this before but I'll say it once more. Make contact. Physical, slightly inappropriate contact is the best signal, at least for me. For instance, "Everytime we talk she seems to grab my arm and cop a feel on my bicept." (happens all the time) That's a hint even your average male can't miss. Ladies, step your signal game up.
J peeped my game. Lol. I am a touchy-feely person by nature… but when I'm feeling you, my signals are clear. I smile at everyone (which I need to stop b/c thats when the black Keebler elves think they have a chance) but if I'm feelin you… I'm touchy-feely w/ you. I'll put a hand on your back, definitely on your arm… and linger just a second too long.
I also use the sweetie, honey, babe… terms of endearment. Being raised in the country, I use them anyway but you'll know the difference *wink* I promise.
It is reserved for men we like, it has to be – which kinda supports the reason behind this whole post. You guys suck at reading signals.
We used to smile altho not interested but then we kept gettin approached and subsequently had to waste time tryna wrangle ourselves free from convo from someone we're not interested in – so we stopped smiling randomly and out of simple niceness thinking that said smile was the signal of interest…now we just mean mug everyone EXCEPT the guys we like, we smile at them
Disclaimer: That aforementioned emoticon smile is in support of my sarcasm and is not to be misconstrued as interest
HeadMistress: "Just curious…who are these women? Because I’ve never “tried to be nice to an “unknown” guy I wasn’t interested in” and I don’t know any women who do this…if he gets a smile it’s because he smiled first and then he gets the reciprocatory “half-a$$ed fake b*tch, please don’t come over here and look away quickly” smile"
OK, let's look at this from the other perspective. If I'm leaving a building and I hold a door open for a lady, or if I pass a lady in the hallway and say, "good morning", am I being chivalrous? Is it just common courtesy? Am I just demonstrating socially standard behavior? Or am I sending a signal that I like the woman, but I'm just too afraid to speak?
If I’m leaving a building and I hold a door open for a lady, or if I pass a lady in the hallway and say, “good morning”, am I being chivalrous? Is it just common courtesy? Am I just demonstrating socially standard behavior? Or am I sending a signal that I like the woman, but I’m just too afraid to speak?
Depending on the man, the answers are: Yes, Probably & No, in any combination, to all of the above
In other words men send just as many confusing signals.
So what I would need to know in order to answer your question accurately is: Do you hold the door open for and say good morning to the fat ugly girls too?
"So what I would need to know in order to answer your question accurately is: Do you hold the door open for and say good morning to the fat ugly girls too?"
Ah, that's the whole point! You don't know! So how do you decipher the sign?
"In other words men send just as many confusing signals."
Yes, but a man, especially the type of man most women on this blog stated they would be interested in, would speak to them. The man sending signs instead of opening his mouth is the one were vilifying here.
@ "So how do you decipher the sign?"
That's the beauty of being a woman, we don't have to decipher the signs, cause if he really wants it he'll speak up – our energy is reserved for lie-detecting
If a guy holds the door or says good morning to me, in my mind it's just courtesy, period – may he have other reasons for doing it? Possibly, but that's not my concern if his actions are limited to that – now if I'm interested, I'll smile purposefully and maintain eye contact when I say "Thank You" and/or "Good Morning" – and then the deciphering-ball is back in his court…
Hugh,
Yep, you're chilvarous, considerate, and probably really fine too…….So for all the women who don't get to see that type of thing in the mornings (especially me) when they are at work…."Good Morning, Hello, and Have a Great Day!"
Then of course the woman walks away and thinks…"Dang, I wish he would "holla" at me."
i don't know WIM. i'm pretty good at reading signs. when women all of a sudden want to spend more time with you. more frequency in physical touching. laughing extra hard at my jokes. i can kind of tell when a woman is feeling me. now on the other hand will i act on these "signs"? probably not. signs are a good way to hint that you might be interested but i still won't assume until you make it painstakingly obvious. we all know what happens when you assume something. i've made an a** out of myself one too many times. lol
#DEAD
That is all.
I hope to see more of what W.I.M has in his collection cuz this isht right here….is HILARIOUS
Dude I have a told plenty of men how I feel about them only to hear crickets, see their pearly whites and then a right face into another conversation, completely ignoring what I just said. I think men have a hard time reading the signs and understanding what is clearly in front of them. I mean do I need to strip down into nothing to make it clear (well actually that cause more distortion of what I said). Sometimes (meaning most of the time) men are dim.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
It's true though about TELLING men. I have yet to have that conversation go favourably. Not that any of the feelings weren't reciprocated, but it seemed to me that they were either so shocked that a female would spill what she was feeling first, or they just didn't think I was into them in that sort of way…or something else I haven't considered. So in those cases, it ended up being a 2 part series conversation. The second convo about "I feel the same way" was had apres they gathered their brains together lmao. And then in other cases, like you said…straight up crickets. What do you do in that situation? "Well young man, it's been a slice. Great conversation, glad we had this talk."??? WHAT? lol
This reply is in Tiffany's box but basically applies to most of the women Ive seen respond today. Basically, you seem to want a man to approach you because yall cant handle being turned down — which is cool, but #KeepItReal and just admit that shit. lol
EVERY time a man approaches a woman, I dont care how many signs she's posted, even if one of those signs has 8 sides and says "Stop for vagina" he STILL is taking the chance of being turned down. As a few woman have pointed out before, yall change your minds/signals like the wind changes direction.
So yes, ladies, if you walk up to a guy and admit you're feeling him (in whatever way you choose) YES, you might get turned down or you might now. THIS IS WHAT MEN GO THRU EVERY DAY.
Welcome to our world, chumps.
I kid I kid – but not really.
Seemingly, and this is just my opinion, but if a lady tells a man that she's interested in getting to know him better, and then the sound of "crickets" occur, then he doesn't feel the same way. That's simple.
It's not even that they are not interested because sometimes they bring it back up and say they feel the same. But in most cases it's like they are dumbfounded. It's like they think I am professing my love to them or something. I am simply saying that I dig ya. Not hearing wedding bells, just want to get to know you better.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Exactly. It's not even that he doesn't feel the same, it's that he doesn't have anything to say at that moment . . . that kills me, lol.
Good gracious I guess I was guilty of this JUST today. Dude was eyeing me up and down while I was walking down the street and I smiled and kept it moving (I smile all the time!) in my mind it was a harmless exchange but then he followed me for 4 blocks and asked me for my number!!! (sigh!) Seriously?! I told him I had a boyfriend (lie) and he said "oh, so you just a flirt huh?" Wellllll, YES I am, but that right there was harmless (to me).
I haven't commented on this site in awhile. Forgot how good some of the articles can be. Now onto this "sign/signal" conversation.
I believe some of it comes from women not wanting to be rejected. At the same time I don't think they see the other side of it. Men have, will, do, go through the rejection process alot. So when reading this post women should read it from an experience point of view by the author. I see women smile all the time, but I can't take that smile as an invitation to come over. I'm not much of a chaser, but I have no problems stepping up to a woman, and letting her know a little something. It does not always work out as planned, but you chalk it up to whatever. It's what makes a man feel fearless.
On the other hand, it's also the very reason that most women get approached by men they are not interested in.It's a 50/50 chance that the right guy, at the right time is going to approach you. Shit, he may have wasted that last bit of the day confidence on the chic who messed it up for you. So at some point (and this is what the author is saying) women have to balance their scales. There's no shame making it known what you want. Maybe you can't take the "L" of rejection, but it'll make you stronger, and more absolute in how to get what you want clearly.
Even when a man knows you, he's not going to understand you every time you want him to. So how is a stranger supposed to get "it". At some point you gotta "own" yours, or continue to get who approaches you dictated to you.
HeadMistress: "That’s the beauty of being a woman, we don’t have to decipher the signs, cause if he really wants it he’ll speak up"
That's true…if he wants it. Now what if you want it? If he is on the court playing decipher-ball, and you are just sitting next to the fence, how does he know if you called winners? After hitting game point, he's simply going to play the next team that steps on the court. If you don't call next game, you'll be sitting on the sidelines. OK, that analogy probably didn't work well, but I guess I'm just hyped for the Finals.
Lip Gloss: "Yep, you’re chilvarous, considerate, and probably really fine too……."
Thanks, you're correct on all counts!
Hmmmmmm…..now trying to figure out what this man looks like. See what you just did?
Oh Hugh, you're fun – we could do this all night
LOL @ your analogy, I'ma leave it alone and just say if he doesn't get it with the bright smile & the bright eyes making contact with him he's just dim and dim is the cure to wanting it…
Alright "Milk and Cookies"… guess what… men (bois) are idiots too…
I told a dude I was feeling him, but that wasn't enough… he didn't believe me because I wasn't running up to him butt naked throwing coochie coupons at his feet, as if he was the Prince of Zamunda. I look at it like this… if a man is interested, he's interested… signs or no signs. *sigh*
Courting seems to mean that I have to spend time and energy for the mere OPPORNTUNITY to get to know you. Then, of course, I have to hope and pray that you are worth getting to know.
Yeaaah…no. I think not.
I have other things in my life. School, work, family, friends, self-improvement. I have no time to contribute to culturally ingrained, and frankly sexist, narcissism.
All these games and rituals just to find someone I want to spend time with? Come on, now. Jumping through hoops is for animals, not people.