She will look this way at 60, and I'd STILL Holla!
We had a discussion on the blog last week in which a reader, Denise, made the following comment concerning men and age:
Dudes….27 yrs old & cant find anyone ur own age? #ringsabell…..you’re wack! If you are a dude over 30 & not in a serious relationship/married…….there’s something wrong with u. trying to live out ur “playa” ways is not that attractive. and men after 35? not really that attractive. I cant stand old men tryin 2 holla at little girls #comeonson. Dudes always seem to think that they can get younger girls as the get older. Once you hit like 37……no one checkin for u son.
She claimed that older men who were at colleges to pick up wonder women were looked upon with the mean side-eye and clowned. I didn’t think this was always the case, and it sparked a mini-debate which I wanted to bring to the masses. Are men shunned for talking to younger women or looking for younger women? I say no and in fact, we have it better age-wise than woman! I think I’M BIG MEECH! LARRY HOOVER! these points sum it up well:
Physical FeaturesI read an article in GQ where they highlighted the new fascination society has with older men. Dudes like George Clooney, Denzel, and others were featured, and it’s crazy how these older men can pull women that dudes my age couldn’t. As men age, their features become more prominent and defined. Grey hair, pronounced characteristics all contribute to that mature, astute look that women love. Other qualities (listed below) tend to diminish the need for a excellent physical physique, as opposed to women. men are visual in nature, so they want to see an older women who still looks as good as a younger women, while having all the qualities that eclipse them like my future wife in the main picture
Status Symbols
I was amazed at ALL LEVELS OF SCHOOL when the girls/women in my age group would Wacka flock to older men. I would inquire, because I was hella nosey wanted to know why they didn’t date guys our age. I would get answers like “These guys got it together” “They’re cuter look like real men” “More mature” etc. There’s a big part of me I keep concealed that thinks these women were more susceptible to the #swindle from older men. They know the game. They’ve been where you’ve been, and know what to say and how to say it. They are living a time loop where they’re ahead of the time by reverting and living in the past. Never really heard about dudes going after older women, mostly because unless you were on another level of maturity, had looks for days, or ultimate game, older women weren’t checking for you. American Pie brought the older women pimp game to a new level with the adoption of “MILF”. Love that movie.
Relationship/Children
Men mature and get more desirable to women as they get older. They live off experience, establish themselves socioeconomically, and attain that “grown men status” that make women swoon. They are more refined with age, and will have more experience. They are assumed to be in a stable financial position to be that provider. When it comes to children, men can procreate until they get a vasectomy a very late age, and don’t have the “biological clock syndrome” Women seem to have that magic time piece ticking within them that tells them to pop out some babies or they’re eggs will shrivel up and die. They also feel like past a certain age they aren’t desirable to men, or “can’t get married”, and feel pressure to make something happen. I never understood this phenomenon so if anyone can break it down I appreciate it. I actually love older women because they seem less about playing games and more matter-of-fact regarding their wants and desires. It doesn’t seem like men look at the same qualities women do when it comes to an advantageous relationship with women. We’re thinking more of the sugar momma route.
Mystique and Culture
In a lot of cultures, its the norm for Men to marry young. I damn near Willy Beamone’d when I calculated that my dad was 6 years older than my mother! It leads me to ponder whether it’s inherit within women to desire an older man. Also to date older for women is like an “accepted taboo” and actually applauded because “women are more mature than men”. On the other hand, I feel like Older women get the side-eye and “cougar” label for dating younger men. They look at the younger guy as a player and the older woman as robbing the cradle (unless you’re Demi and Kutch).
So that’s my take. While older women appeal to most, I think it’s safe to say men win in this area more times than not. Let’s discuss!
This conversation will never get old,
I dunno. I like my men seasoned but for long enough. ^_^ (it's 1am, that's the lurky comment of the hour from me)
Great Denzel-Clooney comparison. They are some hot older men. My parents are like 3 years apart but I don't mind being in a relationship with someone 4+ older than me. I welcome it with open
orificesarms.=)
This debate will always be relevant because men are in a better position in the dating world as soon as they get out of their 20's. Generally speaking a man who is college educated and working is extremely attractive to women simply because there are more of us than there are of you. The points only go up from there unless 2 things happen which derail the 'leg up' that men enjoy.
1. the older man is unattractive or out of shape
2. the older man is not financially stable or has not reached all his 'social norms' deemed desirable by women.
Older men who are attractive and maintain financial security are like fine wine…it just has to get better right? But please do not confuse gold digger type females who marry guys like Larry King and Donald Trump. They did not do so because they aged well or are on any level as attractive as a man in his 30's. Those wives cringe when their husbands disrobe but they know there is another poor barbie look-a-like right downstairs so they do what they gotta do *mouth vomit* to keep that old man sleeping soundly.
Additionally, older men who haven't done the stuff that society deems 'normal' for their age are also not attractive to women. We don't want an old ass failure of a man…we can get a young one who can blow out backs out all night. Older men who are where they are supposed to be (married, stable job, coupla kiddies close to our age) are also attractive because we know they will spoil us for the opportunity to be able to tackle some young young (don't make me spell it out). Dinner, gifts, flowers, cards, random presents…old guys know the game of making a woman want them and keeping them happy. Plus said woman is free to pursue her real interest (a man more her age) without worrying her old guy is getting crazy (he has a wife and kiddies).
As to the marriage/baby crazed women…its in our biological makeup to find a suitable mate and make a baby…that will never change. Its just who we are. Some of us learn to have fun with our search however, and take our time. But the vast majority will always be desperate wanna be baby machines when we smell an eligible man around.
This comment right here… could not have said it better myself (and I usually think I can say everything better).
Cheers to you E-Doz… Dos Equis on me.
Hell, I'd holla at Stacey Dash, just for kicks…
Forreals! She's the imma be bi for the night type
Co-sign!!!!!
I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking it.
gotta admit it crossed my mind too
I guess, I'm the odd woman out…it never entered my mind..although, she is beautiful…she isn't my type. lol.
I'm with you Queen T. I was like huh?
You are not alone, Queen. No bi for me. She is hot, though. I would love a bottle of the magic potion she drinks so I can look that good at that age.
Here, here… I NEED to know how she does it… it's gotta be something other than her genetic make-up.
she is Beautiful, Magnifique ! But not my type, unless she is hiding some tools under that dress… If anyone knows her secret let me know.
She is the epitome of magnificent
@streetztalk Im here to defend my name!!
My point was as a young woman, we're not really interested in older men for compatibility. Many women who are my age (23) who seek older men are seeking actually their money..lets be quite honest!
You mention Denzel, well ask a woman Denzel or Tyrese…..guess who we're more interested in? Let me give you a hint: the first two letters are Ty…….
As a 23 year old, when men who are 35 and older approach me and they're single i see a huge red flag. If he's so good, then I think, "why isn't he already taken". Anything that "fine like wine" would not be on the market for long. Hence the reason women find married men more attractive……b/c he's a hot commodity, he didn't last long on the market. (please note i am not condoning any woman to pursue a man who is married, i actually find that tacky) ….But you get my point.
So bottom line is: men can "kid" themselves into thinking young women really like old men, but the truth is they only like their money. Chances are 90% of the time, if you are dating a pretty young thang under 30 and you are over 40…if the relationship isn't headed towards marriage….she has a younger boyfriend and you (the old guys) are just funding their expeditions………
i gotta hear what you have to say….so talk 2 me streetz!! xoxo
If you're 23, isn't Tyrese an older man for you? I mean he's younger than Denzel but he's gotta be way older than you are.
First, let me say I would never in a million years choose Tyrese over Denzel (well, at least Denzel from Training Day or before).
"If he’s so good, then I think, “why isn’t he already taken”. Anything that “fine like wine” would not be on the market for long."
I really can't take this line of taking, whether in reference to men or women. It's not like people are pets at the pet store. You can't just be picked off the shelf because one consumer (potential mate) is interested. It is a two-way street. Maybe this man just hasn't found someone he has connected with, or he's had relationships that don't work out due to location, views on children, etc. It bugs me to no end when a single woman is labeled as probably having something wrong with her, but I guess men have the same issue once they reach a certain age. Besides, there are millions of really screwed-up, fugly people who are paired up.
Anywho, i just wanted to comment on that portion of your comment. I can't disagree that a 23 yr. old may give a 35 yr. old man the side-eye if he approached. However, if a portion of that 90% ends up still single well into their 30's, I'm betting a few would regret possibly throwing away a decent man, even one that much older. Some of the most successful relationships I've seen have a 10+ yr difference.
Denise,
Welcome back we….missed you. (c) Agent Smith
I understand your points. I think Sane summed up my rebuttal perfectly. Let me just say that a 35 yr old man who's single could be single for 50-11 reasons. He could be coming out of a relationship, just got out a marriage, etc. You are generalizing by saying it has to be because they want to play the field.
I challenge you to read the blog and comments again. The rebuttals and counterpoints to what you wrote are within all these comments.
Money isnt the sole fuel for happiness for older/younger pairings. My parents have a 6 yr difference and I can tell you it wasnt for my dads $$!
Finally, I know a few 35+ dudes whom you would probably stutter at and "make exceptions" for, becuase NOTHING is 100% ya dig?
stacy dash is first amazing. i'm definitely convinced she has some specially purified spring water from a remote island off the coast of NeverNeverLand that she drinks each morning.
secondly, i fully intend on being that fabulous when i am in my 40s.
thirdly, i think men DO become more distinguished as they age, and i know a lot of women my age who would date older men, and one that ONLY dates older men.
society has placed such a preference on being a 'pretty YOUNG thing' for women, that it's almost taboo to be grown. i didn't realize this until i turned 27 and people (men included) started calling me old. i'm like word? 27 is old? lol. never ever heard of an 'old' 27-year old MAN though.
i think because men are sooo visual, they are far more likely to place value on and go for the visually pleasing. and as a woman, unless you take great care of yourself as you age, the visually pleasing crowd is definitely going to be in their twenties. lol.
Now that you mention it, I love how people refer to my 32 yr old brother as still young, but my 28 yr old sister is half-way to wearing Depends.
Agreed. It's interesting that both women and men place these labels on women. (I'd like to blame it on men…but that's just me being an a$$.
My mother told me that I was, "no longer a spring chick", on my birthday 2 weeks ago. Nice, right? *rolling eyes* Sadly, my grandmother has been telling me this since I turned 25…
I'm still fly tho.
1st – LMAO @ 1/2 way to Depends.
2nd – I've been brainwashed by society! Help. As I was thinking about your comment… and processing your siblings age my thoughts went as follows:
32 y/o brother – yea… he's still a relatively young guy
28 y/o sister – is she married yet? kids? whew lawd.
#HangsHeadInShame
LOL @ So Flyy…it's ok we've been conditioned that way!
One of my best friends (male) told me I have 3-5 more good years then men will find me unattractive, because I'm "old". He was SO SERIOUS! I was offended.
New picture? I like.
Yes, she is married and no she doesn't want kids anytime soon. She has some other issues that she needs to take care of first, including that pesky pill addiction. Minor details.
exactly!! it's such a double standard.
Well, I seem to attract younger men. My ex was 4 yours younger (no big deal). My current friend is 4 yours younger, also….I have attracted younger men all throughout my life.
I prefer younger men…so I guess you can say I am a cougar…even though I hate that term. I just like the spirit and vitality of younger guys. I don't want an older man…and in my age bracket..that man is going to be approaching AARP status…..I will pass my darling. My Mom tells me all the time I need to go way older in my dating pool..I will meet a guy more stable etc…she's probably right, and I may indeed give an older man a chance one day..but, I don't get approached by older men.,,,,always these young boys…sigh.
I do think that as far as society goes…older men do have it easier. They applaud older men for pulling a younger woman. A woman in my age bracket with a way younger man gets the side-eye…I am pretty sure if I started dating someone ten years younger and beyond I would get teased a little bit by my friends and family…but, the bottom line would be…"am I happy".
Of course Stacy Dash can do whatever she wants…she's stunning. She can go older and younger BUT….she has been divorced three times..and only deals with white men..so, what is really going on? lol
Carry on young boy!
ditto, I look young, I attract younger men. and mostly men my age.only recently have older guys been trying to holler and I think its because I look older in my professional gear–or I assume they like young tendas. lol.
I've never been attracted to older men—so in my mind you aren't that desirable unless you are rich. #justsayin Like the movie stars…they ARE distinguished and kinda sexy but if they weren't stars they wouldnt' be on my radar AT ALL.
I'll take a man my age over an older guy anyday.
@Reecie…hey boo! (Precious)
But I also cosign…as I stated yesterday, I'm not attracted to older men. Not that I know of at least. I've never dated anyone older than me. Most men I've dated have been the same age or a year or so younger than me. So that's what I'm comfortable with.
I thought that was you! hey sis!
So you said you like a younger mans "vitality"?
Yeah.. I know what that means… ha!
I bet you do!
Dont u DARE judge me! lol
I attract older guys more than I attract guys my age, honestly, but I don't want em, lol. Though I have been told by friends, family, and strangers that I act and look older than I am, I still feel like I'm in my 20s. When I do encounter older men, I appreciate the attention but I don't know if they're attracted to me simply b/c they find my attractive or if they find my age attractive. I don't want to be anybody's little "young sweet thang" (as one guy said to me *shudders*) that they're using to show that they've still got it.
I'm a 23 year old grad student living with my parents (while I stack my paper), why would a 40 year old want to seriously start a relationship with me? A guy who's closer to my age would be able to relate more to my struggle (as I would his). Just like we women like for men to have their sh!t together, I would hope these men would want the same. They've been through this particular stage in life, why do they want to backpedal with me? I'm worried about making this work study check stretch another week and you're putting money into your 401k? Hmm, not going to work.
Besides that, as I've said in previous comments, I'm not as "experienced" as most. How do I tell a man that's been getting the cutty for 15+ years that he'll have to wait until I'm ready or sure? But, then again, I suppose that's an issue I face with most men, lol.
You refer to your life as a "struggle" when talking about what a man may relate to. Why not look for something positive you both relate to?
Very true. We may relate in other ways, which is great. But if we're in two different places in our lives, both of us loving Spike Lee Joints and the way the air smells after it rains won't keep us together, IMO. It's more than just age, it's where we are in our lives. I'm using the word struggle here loosely. I live a pretty charmed life, actually lol. But, it's still the life of a 23 year old which can differ greatly from that of someone who's 35+.
A lot of things raced through my mind when I read this #immaramblenow…
Aesthetics wise, I like seeing Demi and Kutcher together more then I liked seeing Demi and Bruce Willis…it’s empowering yet still very easy on the eyes…i didn’t like seeing Anna Nicole Smith with J. Howard Marshall…I don’t like seeing Donald Trump’s comb over stood next to the beauty that is Malena either…
Truth is most men aren’t like fine wine and we aint cool aid…Special Preserves that God made are the likes of Clooney and Stacey Dash that do get better with age…heck I had a thing for Sean Connery until he was 60…but their wine was always fine from the get go…
To me most guys are like a can of coke that kinda of go flat with time…luckily you can hit the gym and recover the ‘pep in your step’ but in comparison no amount of workouts cant make her saggy boobs perky again… maybe it’s cos the female form is waaaaaaaay more beautiful in it’s prime than that of a man… realised this as a kid watching Baywatch #nohomo…unfortunately our physical form changes a lot more over time too… maybe that’s why it seems men age better…there's simply less of a deviation to deal with.
With age, i think women should become more mysterious and men more distinguished…truth is for me is nothing beats a distinguished gentleman… it’s like his ego has mastered his primal driven id and regulates his choices more towards his moralistic super-ego… dude he knows his game and if you’re his woman he’s gonna take care of you…cos he’s confident (that alone can make him more attractive that he actually is)… he’s experienced & cultured …well mannered & well spoken… he’s financial secure… …so while you might see him at a table in a club but he wont be dancing and wilding out up on the tables
The below is impressive Shubby… I think you went over a lot of folks head when you referenced the Ego and Id…
Cheers to you…
"truth is for me is nothing beats a distinguished gentleman… it’s like his ego has mastered his primal driven id and regulates his choices more towards his moralistic super-ego… dude he knows his game and if you’re his woman he’s gonna take care of you…cos he’s confident (that alone can make him more attractive that he actually is)… he’s experienced & cultured …well mannered & well spoken… he’s financial secure… …so while you might see him at a table in a club but he wont be dancing and wilding out up on the tables"
I think it depends on the older man and how old he is. If you are 37 still hittin up college parties, you look lame. I remember clowning those dudes in college. Or the dude in his 40's or late 30's who is still in the club and trying to holla. I know I always get a good laugh at those dudes and their old a** game.
Now as someone mentioned earlier an older man who has his stuff together can be very sexy. However, I give the sideeye to older men who have never been married and don't have any children because it usually means they want to play games and be lifelong bachelors, which is not attractive.
1) both older women and men have their niche of young admirers. It's up to you to keep your physical and spirit young and hip enough to keep up.
2) Biologically, men do have a longer time frame than woman when it comes to having kids w/o deffects.
3) With the fact of over 70% of females these days being raised w/o a father figure, it's only understandable that they seek that protective sense of wisdom in a partner. Generally, a female with her father actively present in her life would not go for an older man for any reason other than financial support possibly.
4) It is said that woman are at their peak in their forties and men in their twenties. Besides if most women or men would not give up and let themselves go in their thirties and beyond or after kids etc, maybe an older man/woman would not go out to seek a younger lady/gentleman.
5) it all comes down to attention and attraction. We both (men & women) should take responsibility for our actions.
6) keep the relationship young and hip, stay in shape, don't stop the freakiness, kids or not, be creative, explore your fantasies and beyond.
7) Ppl want varieties, novelties, excitement. Take breaks in b/w if you have to, whatever it takes. Life is too short to be too stressed to have fun.
When I read this post, I was thinking about that reggae song that goes "I'm in love with a man nearly twice my age"…..
@ BSQUARED86, we have a lot in common.Age..status..etc..
I met a guy 3 months ago, who told me that he is 29 years old. This is after me telling him my age. So I figured,6 years a part, no big deal. My parents are 7 years a part, and I've never dated a guy more than 1 year older than me. We go on a couple dates, and then one day I get a phone call. He's like "How old did I tell you that I was again"?. Umm what? This ninja is 37 years old. I'm good. Old age don't attract me. George Clooney is handsome, but he won't do "it" for me.
SMH @ the lying. I didn't know men did that, lol. A 14 year age difference? At the ag of 14 he could probably procreate . . . while u were being conceived. *shudders* #nawplaya
It's like, older guys can be handsome, fine even. I think Will Smith is sexy as hell. But he's 40 something. And if I met him I would probably call him "Sir" b/c my grandmother taught me to respect my elders lol.
Im hola ing at Stacey Dash right now. woot!!
While I agree Stacey Dash is pretty easy on the eyes all of that goes away once she opens her mouth. Based on most of the interviews I've seen/heard she's not exactly a MENSA candidate.
And LOL @ all the suddenly "bi for a night" chicks up in here. Unless you're a white dude, it's highly unlikely SD would be checking for you anyway.
And FTR, some of 37 y/o are just waiting for the right one to come around. No sense joining the "Lose 1/2 My -ish Club" before your time….. :0)
I do think there is a limit though as to when men should stop trying to holler at younger women. I have a friend, he is the father of a pretty famous rapper. He liked to go to the clubs and promote his son. He has been doing this for years, and always used to share his exploits with me. He is 48 years old.
One day he told me that he was at the club and was talking to a young girl at the bar while handing out t-shirts with pictures of his son on them. He overheard the young girl say "this old dude trying to holler, I'm going to let him buy us some drinks and try to take him for his money." He was genuinely hurt. He was screaming at me on the phone that she thought he was a sukka and f* that young dumb b*."
I laughed and told him, "you need to take your old married ass back home and stop trying to holla in the clubs anyway!" That was 2 years ago and he has not been back to the clubs since. He now has a thriving online business where he sells items with his sons logo on them.
I still think that older man can easily attract younger women, but they definitely need to change their hunting grounds when they do it.
I'm in the happy place of being old enough to get with an old dude but still
hotyoung enough to attract the young ones. Which option I choose depends on my mood.Old dudes are good for things like taking you to the opera or the ballet and their manners are usually impeccable.
but sometimes they need Viagra and a round two is out of the question. Young dudes will gas up your head with their eagerness and are way less exhausting.plus they have a lot less sexual hangups than older dudes.Sidebar: no matter how old I get, Stacy Dash can always get it from me.
Hmmm… this is interesting. I don't know if I agree w/ Streetz on men getting finer w/ age. I think I'm gon drink Shubby's kool-aid & say there are a few that have special preservatives… I also agree w/ her assessment that female form as far more to lose/sag/spread as it ages. Not that we can't pull it together or get a nip/tuck but it is more exhaustive (generally #NoStaceyDash) then the regular gym schedule men have to maintain.
Women have been told & believe for numerous reasons that older men are attractive, so it shouldn't be shocking that an older man can pull a PYT, for all he know she could be pulling him. I personally don't subscribe to this logic. I do agree that older men can be more mature but they are also some of the MOST stubborn people you will ever meet. And if he's 37+ and eternally single, w/o a LTR to his name/past, there is a reason. Eff his financial security and worldly ways, what's wrong w/ u playa?
I've only dated guys in my own age range & younger… so this is all from my observation and theory. I don't really get approached by older men, but I think it's b/c I don't have the PYT halo they are looking for. & believe you me, that's fine. But my friend, we'll call her Bambo, who looks like she's 17 gets alllll the play from the older ones. Lol.
Society definitely looks more positively on the older man/younger woman relationship. It's sad, but society expects women to stay perpetually young forever, which is why we see so many women getting plastic surgery. Face lifts, boob jobs, tummy tucks. Women aren't supposed to look like they are no longer 18-22.
As for older men, I don't like them. I've been approached by older men since I was 13 years old, and I thought it was sketchy then, and I think it's sketchy now. There is nothing attractive about a man my father's age trying to holla. And unless you are a movie star, I'm not checking for you. Most men are not going to be mini Denzels when they get older. All that drinking, smoking, and partying will catch up to you. And it is not pretty. However, as long as you have a little money, some co-ed looking for a meal ticket will be all over you.
This post reminds me of an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker. Older woman trying to be young, only dates young men. She was matched to an attractive older man, and she went crazy. Refused to go on the date b/c he had gray hair and looked too old. She was in her 40s, he in his 50s. And this happens with men, also. The man in his 40s, but only likes to date women in their 20s. I think both situations are pretty pathetic.
Date someone no more than 4 years your junior/senior. That's my motto, and I stick to it. lol
You know… most things in society are defined from a male perspective so after thinking about it again, it doesn't surprise me. Of course a man would say it's okay – or better even – for a man to date a PYT.
& I feel sorry for the women who can't accept their age gracefully… a mean getting lipo is one thing… having 10 procedures in a day is another *here's looking at you Heidi!*
ditto on all of this!
its so funny I tell folks all the time: my father is 12 years older than my mom, and my stepdad is 12 years older–younger guys rule, lol. my mind might change but I doubt it! I think the highest I could go is maybe 7 years difference each way, but I wouldnt' even consider that until I was about 40, lol.
Let me just say this…
A lot of men won't be able to comment today because they are still looking at Stacey Dash in that picture. It took me 21 minutes to scroll down.
It was hard enough for me to write the post once I found all her pics!
I've dated a 40 year old man for two years and I'm only 22. Dude didn't want a relationship (neither did I), he wanted someone to cuddle & chill with. I was a full time college student, so I was cool with the whole idea. He is attractive, respectful and had a natural charm about him. Plus, he was good in the sheets. Lol. I cut things off recently. Lets just say he was starting to be very possessive. You aint my daddy, ninja!
Um… I don’t agree!!
I feel like if a man dates a younger woman it’s more taboo, like “What he couldn’t get a woman his own age? Cause mature women know he ain’t s***!” But if a woman dates a younger man it’s like ‘high-five’, “Do it mama!”!! It’s definitely the year for the cougar. Personally, I’d prefer an older man because, in my experience, they tend to be more assertive and aggressive than younger men.
I feel like you contradicted yourself with ‘Status Symbols’ and ‘Relationship/Children’. First you wrote: "I was amazed at ALL LEVELS OF SCHOOL when the girls/women in my age group would Wacka flock to older men. I would get answers like “These guys got it together” “They’re cuter look like real men” “More mature” etc. There’s a big part of me I keep concealed that thinks these women were more susceptible to the #swindle from older men. They know the game. They’ve been where you’ve been, and know what to say and how to say it. They are living a time loop where they’re ahead of the time by reverting and living in the past."
But then you went on to say: Men mature and get more desirable to women as they get older. They live off experience, establish themselves socioeconomically, and attain that “grown men status” that make women swoon. They are more refined with age, and will have more experience.
So, which one do you believe?? That an older man is a ‘player/pimp’ and that younger women are more ‘susceptible to his swindle’ or is that older men are more refined and desirable, and THAT is what attracts younger women?? I think it’s the latter
Thanks for the comment!
I didn't contradict myself. I think its a combination. Older men do have all those desirable qualities, one of the strongest being the gift of gab. They know what girls like, they know what they want (c) -Jay, Puff, and Lil kim. A lot of these older guys can G a woman easliy. Doesnt mean that they also dont possess those qualities. Its 2 different ways to look at things.
Hope that helps,
Thanks again!
When i first got into the game i thought hey it makes sense for a older guy to holler at a younger woman (stablity matruity about the same) untill i realized that its all b.s. Listen up everybody just DATE PEOPLE YOUR OWN AGE lol. I realized after dating both younger women and older women that you there are two things missing
1-things you can relate to im a 80's baby (82) so while im reminising on tennage mutant turtles and power rangers i might be dealing with somebody who has either never seen the movie and or was to old to be watching that kind of stuff
2- News flash younger women can be immature as hell and can play alot of stupid games while on the flip side older women usaully come in two brands either they dont ever want to be in a serious relationship agian or the clock is ticking and they are willing to take anybody
So with all this being said just date people your own age reminisce about light brights and teddy rupskin and watch a fresh prince marathon.
I loved my light brite!!! I think my Teddy Rupskin was possessed…he used to turn on by himself.
I *heart* you! Go team '82!
Girl watch out or ill pull out my connect four lol
Hey now! I love it!
We can watch a few episodes of Duck Tales or Thunder Cats and cap the night off with a game of Duck Hunt or Donkey Kong…you game? I'll bring the Pop Rocks, you bring the Ring Pops!
I took the batteries out of my Teddy Rupskin right after I saw Child's Play… No bueno…
Agreed!
Or how about the My Buddy doll? I still get shivers thinking about how that thing scared me.
Fine now i gotta pull out my slap-braclets ( you know the one with the metal in it that would cut your wrist lol), and ill come over with my t-shirts that change color according to the weahter. Im ready when you are girl
And this is why you should date people your own age lol
Why limit yourself to age?
I think maturity knows no age, and if you can only connect on a superficial level, that might be a problem.
Just take caution of limits
Ready!!
@Streez
I agree that maturity is key. It's just nice to have someone that knows what you're talking about…because they themselves have been close to it. This is another reason why I PREFER black men…I'm open to all, but I prefer black men. A whole different topic…but imjussayin.
@TiffN
I wrote about preferences too… let a man want what he wants was the title.. 2 lazy to search lol..
I got your point tho!
take two.
Not that i'm hating but only because I think we are all beautiful. Let's be careful in expecting 44 year old women to shrivel up and become prunes. Stacey Dash is 44. But consider the following, Halle Berry is 44, Salli Richardson is 42, and Robin Givens is 45. Let the congregation of men reading SBM wave a fan and the women hum along.
Can I really put you onto game though? Some of you may not know who this is but, Diahann Carroll… COT DAYUM. She's 74.
These women are a testament to taking care of your body, your mind, your health and just being oh so beautiful. (Hollywood trainers help too.)
Other references include:
Lisa Raye is 42.
Lela Rochon is 46.
Janet Jackson is 44.
Nia Long is 39.
Regina King is 39.
Naomi Campbell and her cell phone is 40.
And because WE NEED MORE GAMMA RAYS… Tisha Campbell is 42.
I'm still taking Stacey Dash and Halle Berry, but i'm just saying…
Right. And uh, Black don't crack! There! I said it! We age well.
Let's not forget Toni Braxton, Tamia Washington and Holly Robinson-Pete.
Oh yeah, you're right.
Holly is 45.
Toni is 42.
Tamia (35) is an interest right now, she's going to be on-line Spring 2014.
co-sign all of this!! We age beautifully and gracefully. I could add half the women in my family. My grandmother didn't have a wrinkle on her face, and still had a head full of her own hair.
Here's a few more: Demi Moore – 47
Iman – 55!!!!
Julia Lous Dreyfus – 49
Mariska Hargitay – 46
Sheryl Crow – 48
Elle Macpherson – 47
Mariska makes me really happy for some reason.lol.
Iman is so beautiful.
iman is just a queen… an excellent example of ageless beauty personified… (another on the male side is prince…he just turned 52)
For the most part, women in my age range do have it hard because most men our age aren't checking for us on a physical level. I am over 30 but I am consistently pegged for 6-8 years younger than I really am. So, I attract men who are maybe 10 years older than my real age. In their minds, they're talking to someone damn near 20 years younger than them so it usually all works out. They get the look and feel of youth who can hold a conversation about something not featured on VH-1, I get the security of age. It's always funny to see how they talk to me before they find out how old I really am. They go from asking me about some silly BS to talking about how Obama is killing their investments.
When I was younger though, men in the club who were over 30 were given the hard side eye. They just seemed extra 'pressed'. Keep in mind, when I was 21, I looked 16 so a 30 year old man stepping to someone who looked young enough to be his daughter is just GROSS! Having said that, I don't give a side eye to a man who is 40 looking at a 30 year old. That age range seems about right. And for women 30+ who can't get the attention of men 30-40, they might want to try their hand in the 45 year old pool.
BTW, on the occasion where a man steps to me who is the age I can 'pass' for, I don't take them seriously because I'm not attracted to men 27–not even on a strictly physical level. Plus, I can't date a man who doesn't get a casual 'Gordon Gartrell' reference or doesn't remember exactly what party they were at when they first heard Biggie.
Lol @ Gordon Gartrel…
Messin with flakey a** Denise… smh…
"Why don't you tuck your shirt in?"
"Its tucked in to my SOCKS!!!"
*dead*
ugh!! What happened to my comment… *blown face*
Ok… let's try this again (and don't blame me if I end up 3 posts):
I actually love older women because they seem less about playing games and more matter-of-fact regarding their wants and desires.
Are you serious?! Younger women also state what we want over and over again from our counterparts… We want meaningful relationships! But ya'll could give a hoot-nanny…
We know 2 things:
1. We outnumber you all (especially the educated/working men) so you can do w/e the heck you want.
- & –
2. As we learned yesterday, you believe you gotta have it allll together before you make a commitment…
So don't eeeeeeeeem talk about game playing when ya'll reggins are the kings of recess.
…..
YOUMAD?!!!!
I wasn't talkin about MEN I was talkin bout women. Just an observation.
Stop Pullin a Venus/Serena and deflecting the shots.
*as I put away my tennis racket*
#ImJustSayin
100% a case of #YouMad
Older women are different in that they actually state what they want to the man they are talking to. Also, they have specific and detailed knowledge of what they want. "A relationship" is broad as hell.
And don't get me started on the games. Younger women have a whole handbook of tricks, tactics, and things to do. Older women simple will say "I'm too old for that".
Stalking you around at the club – "I'm too old for that"
Pretend like I really think this is going somewhere – "I'm too old for that"
Through a fit over who is paying for what – "I'm too old for that"
Catch feelings from my FwB and try and pretend like its still just about beats – "I'm too old for that"
Damn … I do love me some older, "I got some d*mn sense" type of women.
Uhm… well how are we supposed to state what we need in a relationship if ya'll are running from the entire concept?
& maybe the "sense" is handed out w/ age… maybe not.
I don't associate w/ any older single women so I really can't tell you. But if it is handed out w/ age then I got mine early b/c that list is for the birds. Who playing them games? I may not be too old to play but I never was a fan of the game…
Wow … I think you have not only cemented your #YouMad label, but might have even earned the #YouRealMad moniker on top of that.
One thing I see less older women do is blame their singleness on men and generalize across all black men (e.g. We are all running from relationships).
Thanks for inadvertently proving my point.
Then you are definitely not interviewing Single Black Women… b/c w/ all the books being written they are definitely blaming their singleness on the lack of availability of the SBM.
I'm not saying older women play games… I'm fairly certain some of them don't. Just like I'm certain that I don't either. I'm also not saying all black men run from relationships… I'm saying men in my age range are certainly not looking for relationships, so how am I to but these expections/needs out to? How can I (meaning young women) be stacked against an older woman who doesn't play games w/ relationships w/o being given the same playing field?
Honestly, there is an age range where single, older women are all "I'm too old for that". However, I know some single ladies 45+, and they are running behind these young boys looking for love, and doing the same things and playing the same "games" you mention.
There is a bar here where older single mean and women go to try to pick up youngins. The men are corny and a little scary… and the women do everything but throw panties on the bar. LOL. Funny, yet sad at the same time.
Obviously you have cougars that are looking to stay single and just "have fun". Even them I wouldn't say play games … they usually seem to be pretty upfront with their fear of commitment and their desire to just 'have fun".
Can someone [preferably female] clarify as to what constitutes as "older" these days?? :0?
Hmmm… I think that's relative to the woman being asked. I'd say in general (I'm 23) older to me is like 36ish… then again, it's all relative. That man is 13 years my senior soooooo… uhm yea.
Um…thanks.
*logs onto AARP site and applies for old man benefits* :0(
How about this? Good looking is good looking is good looking. If a jawn is good looking and DTF, there's gonna be some P in VaG regardless of their age.
LMAO. Dtf? Please clarify so I can continue to laugh at the hilarity of this comment.
Thanks,
Management
Superbad reference: DTF = down to eff
Ask Ben Rothliesberger
I'm mad at you for the P in VaG comment. Did you just watch Superbad yesterday, or are you always throwing these into conversation?
@Sane Just be wary if he mentions anything about 'scratching your back'….LOL!!!!!!!!!!
U stole my game
It's alright, I don't think you'd try that one on me anyways, my beating you in pool would turn you off that idea.*
*Yes, I'm still mad over this comment and lack of explanation. LOL
i used to date women 2-3 years my senior. now it seems that i date women my own age. i used to say that i would never date a women more than a year younger than me but i think i would ease up off that stance.
what's the rule? half your age plus seven. let's see i'm 28 now. half of that is 14 plus 7 would be 21. *shrug* i wouldn't seriously date a 21 year old though.
The half your age plus 7 rule applies to smashing… not wifing.
gotcha. couldn't remember which it was. either way like i said i wouldn't wife a 21 year old anyway. lowest i'd go is probably 3 and at the most 4 years younger than me.
It is much more socially acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman than vice versa, especially among the financially accomplished. Granted, a lot of stable, older guys do it, but I’d rather take my contacts out with sandpaper than date someone 27 or younger. What do we have in common? I’m trying to have a conversation about the current economic contraction, the latest Michael Eric Dyson book, or classic hip-hop and R&B, and she’s talking about going to the club to do the stanking leg or Gucci Mane and some damn lemon pepper chicken wings or whatever the he11 it is he raps about.
I think the difficulty in successful women finding husbands is what’s leading to terms like MILF and cougar coming into vogue. “Cougar” is like “b!tch” and can be a compliment or an insult, and like “b!tch”, some older women are starting to embrace the term and are celebrating being mature and single than lamenting that they aren’t married.
I also think men and women have different perspectives when it comes to dating an older person. Younger guys usually see dating/sleeping with older women as a conquest, similar to the way some men try to sleep with as many women as they can. Usually younger girls that are attracted to older men enjoy the stability and maturity, then move on and try to find that in a younger mate.
I.Can't.STAND you for this!! LOL – I thought I was the only one who thought the lyrics were Lemon Pepper Wings and a Big Pop.
I honestly don't know what he is saying. Then again, I only hear it when people drive by playing it, since I don't listen to the radio and rarely go to clubs.
Lemon pepper wangs with the freeze cup…
Wingstop flow
I've almost exclusively dated woman older than me. Usually it's only 1 – 3 years, but there was that one who had me by 14 years. For a long long time I was was attracted to them because of the lack of games, their level of maturity, and the fact that they were more honest with me and themselves.
That was all shattered when the 14 year older started acting up. I remember looking at my phone (she was on the other end) with a stuck face thinking "Is this chic 19?"
No more robbing the grave for me … but that upper/mid 20s range is the sweet spot. Now that I'm there … I date in my age range.
Oh … and never again will i do 21. Tried that once at 24. Horror story!!!
All day. there is no purpose to next somebody off due to age if you click you click but i always gave the side eye when i saw the high school kid playing with middle schoolers ya dig! Why are you ostracized by people of your own age bracket?
"I think the difficulty in successful women finding husbands is what’s leading to terms like MILF and cougar coming into vogue. “Cougar” is like “b!tch” and can be a compliment or an insult, and like “b!tch”, some older women are starting to embrace the term and are celebrating being mature and single than lamenting that they aren’t married."
Well said Hugh Jazz. It's such a double standard and I hate the term "Cougar"!
I'm 36 and my bf is 26 and this is one of the best relationships I've been in. We met in class at the local university. We are pretty much at the same level as far as life and career (I started over). I like the balance. I like my relationships to evolve, grow. I want someone I can grow with. I don't need anyone to guide me. That's the problem I have with older men. I don't need a daddy. I had one.
I've NEVER been attracted to older men. The older men I did date were the most tumultuous relationships. The problems were always about control and monogamy. Besides, older men to me always appeared to be creepy. I despise a 45+ year old man trying to be "hip". Hey old man, don't ask me about the Vh-1 Hip Hop Honors if you REALLY want to talk about the oil spill in the gulf and what would have been the consequences if the company was Citgo, but I digress.
I had a much more in-depth comment earlier, but I received a 500 error message. Booo!
I never understood why any dude over 34 would want to date a brawd under 25. Why would you want to put up with that.
I mean seriously. Under 25 brawds are still under the impression that their kitty kat is the center of the universe. Besides that, unless a young women is some sort of super mature genius, I don't see me having a lot of deep conversations about life with an 18 year old. I'm not sayin that I would never date a young chick again. But I surely don't seek them out and kinda think it looks really silly in most cases.
Now why do older men attract younger women. Older men seem more confident which is always attractive. Older men have learned what women like which is attractive. But the biggest thing is that older men are able to control their sexual urges more than young guys. So all the mind tricks younger women play don't work on older guys. Once again this makes the man look more mature and puts him in a position of control that young girls usually have when it comes to men.
Funny you call women brawds.
The same could be said for an older woman dating a younger man. Young men think that their dicks are the center of the universe. I don't see me having deep conversations about life with someone that could be my son. I have to give my son money. I have to set rules for my son. I could never sleep with a guy in his 20's. Ewl.
Yeah whenever I see a pretty youngin I just think, "This brawd grew up on Power Rangers, Barney and TellaTubbies. How could I ever respect her.
Aight tella tubbies maybe.
Brawds = old school DC slang.
When I was 19 I dated (?), not sure if that's the right word, a man that was 38 and his daughter was 6 months younger than me. I did it for the experience and was tired of dudes my age. I thought I was all the way grown, I had been living on my own since 16, helped support my younger sister and her child, in school, and working. Now, at 23, I'm starting to really feel grown but will probably have some more milestones…
Back to the subject. After spending time with this man, and his immature antics, I decided age does not make the man. I also spent a lot of time wondering, "Why is this grown (supposedly) man interested in me?"
Right now, I'll take them however they come as long as they come qualified.
"Right now, I’ll take them however they come as long as they come qualified."
This right here is the truth, and simplifies my entire outlook on dating right now.
SN: Check the new avatar. U like that, right?
Can I have TeflonTemptress coordinate some payments for me as a marketing exec for the United Women's Coalition?
Thanks.
I live the avatar…I want one. I'm slow though, don't know how to get one.
I just commented on it upthread. I'm mad that I don't have that t-shirt, though.
TiffNicky: Go to Gravatar.com and follow the directions there, just make sure to link your account to the email you use here.
owwwwwww @ the Swindle shirt!!
erry1 else slackin -_-
Including ME
the ultimate #swindle…lol
I knwo there is someone on this site who is getting married. Please say it aint you
me? nah
No not you, So Fly
Me? Lmao. Doesn't that require a man? (Or a woman depending on the state?)
Nah homie. Not me.
& just curious, why you begging for it not to be me? Lol.
I'm fittin to ask u on an e date that's why. What's guuuuuu? lol
Lol. Peyso u slay me. I know you've referenced ur girl more than once on this site, she coming to? i don't know about a trois.
You'll know about it soon enough….
As a member of the 35-45 club…I am feeling the love today!
That's funny, as someone who recently (wait, is 3 months ago still recent?) turned 25, I'm feeling like some of the shots fired today are barely missing me or grazing my arm.
LOL…Sane, you know usually younger women get all the love….rarely, do I feel like society in general appreciates the older women..even Hollywood dogs older women..harder to get decent roles, etc….it just feels real good today…to get some appreciation.
Guess I'll have to come back here when it's "37 Year Old Guy Appreciation Day". >:0
Eddie, I think this is the first time where age has even been brought up in regards to men. So, almost everyday is 37 yr old male appreciation day. Heck, I thought Most was 60 until he put up the picture (that appears and disappears with the wind), and I was still intrigued #don'tjudgeme.
Maybe you now know how it feels to get online everyday and hear something brand new about how horrible the dating pool is for the black woman and how it's our fault.
@ Sane #comeonson Do you know how many threads/news articles/R-B songs I see/hear on the daily vilifying Black men?
Me personally, I've never hitched a ride on the "We Hate Black Women" bandwagon and won't ever because I'd be disrespecting my Mom and a great number of other quality and highly educated BW that I know. But this one is definitely news to me…
Don't you #comeonson me, Mister. You can't deny that discussing the plight of the SBW and what THEY can do to change it is what's hot in the streets.
I just don't hear much about the evils of the black man anymore. What I do hear is in regards to stereotypes that apply to most of the men I know (as you can probably tell from a few of my stories, I am surrounded by negative stereotypes). That may be why it doesn't immediately come to mind to compare the two situations.
Meh, SBW's usually become the Hot Topic of the day whenever that 42% number gets tossed around or whatever celebrity? of the day happens to talk out of his ass #Slimthug.
And who knew Seattle was that bad for black folks and drama? I guess all that rain puts ya'll in a permanent shitty mood? :0)
QueenT,
I'll write about Suga Mamas soon… You'll be on the HIGHEST pedastal
lol
I also spent a lot of time wondering, “Why is this grown (supposedly) man interested in me?”
_____________________
I would wonder the same thing. It's one thing, if by chance you end up in a relationship with a 15 or 20 year difference. But I think it is a little weird for a grown man to actively seek out 19 years olds. Reminds me of R Kelly. He seems to date young girls exclusively. Most likely because he likes women he can control.
OK I've been lurking a bit today because I really don't know where to insert myself in this whole dialogue.
I will say though that I'm pretty offended by the ageism going on here. . .I'm kidding. I'm not offended, but I'll say that i'm in my early 20's and i'm pretty tired of having to defend or prove anything to anyone. #youmad? lol no I'm not.
Regarding age and relationships however…Where are my Latino Americanos? Because in my society…vast age gaps are acceptable and are almost a norm. . .(either direction too)
I say do what makes you happy. If that person is 10yrs your senior or 5 yrs your junior, what difference does that make when you have scoured the face of the earth to find that person that you really connect with and that makes your world beautiful?
As for me, I have my preferences in place but even those are written in stone somewhere. I wouldn't shut a person out because I just found out their age…doesn't that reflect my own immaturity? If I'm not interested there will be something else of greater importance that is stopping me from dating you.
HOWEVER
I understand where aesthetics will come into play because honestly no matter how much love you have for that other person, physical needs will need to be met and hopefully that attraction exists. The disparity between the body of a 25 year old woman and a 45 year old man may not be THAT great if he takes care of himself…but what about when she is 45, and he is 65? And so on. And this is only the case if he is exceptionally attractive to start with, but what if he's not?
#justsayin
Excellent points! This is why I said culture has a big part to play.
I hope to have someone who challenges and motivates me to stay in shape!
And thus explains the flood of single Black men to the DR and Brazil each year. LOL!!!!!!!!!
…wait–I thought the creeps from the 4 corners of the earth came to Brasil for Carnaval nao? haha. I kid.
I like a worldly man and you are not going to find that in most men 25 and under. They are still about laying games though they all love wooing an older woman for fun. Who wouldn't like someone established, beautiful, knows what she wants, is't looking for someone to take car of her and could very be at their freakiest.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
I think that men effing around at 37+ are on some bull. But I mean, anyone who is a grown person and not sure in themselves or what they're doing (or how to respectfully relate to others romantic or not) is on some bull.
I've dated guys from my age to 7 years older. Don't see a problem with it.
I cannot remember being more disappointed in France. That was so fast. I just believed that they had a good shot to do well in this years world cup. Maybe in 4 years. Maybe its time to jump on the Argentina bandwagon. Looks like Demichelis has already scored. Go Argentina. To cheer me up from that devastating loss by France, I have been listening to some funny jokes.. This one is pretty funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3j7uSbccSc