This past Friday was like any other Friday. I was sitting at my desk doing work and counting down the minutes until the weekend. The iPod Touch was going strong and I think I may have been singing some Stylistics track as if nobody else was in my section of the office. Unfortunately for me, one of my lady co-workers heard me and laughed. It was honestly a little embarrassing to hear my co-worker chuckling at me, but at the same time it was better she caught me singing that type of music and not “Hey Ho!” by Ludacris or “My Gun Go Off” by 50 Cent. The ensuing discussion went from music to relationships. Being in the field of Human Resources, I wondered if I should have even been discussing my thoughts on relationships in the office. Then again, I think people expect HR folk to be all warm, cuddly, and excellent bakers. I don’t think they ever expect HR folk to be big black men like myself. **Shrugs** Oh well…
Much like many of the other women I’ve worked with in my professional life, she asked about my personal relationship status. She inquired about the longest time I had been with one woman, how many women I had serious relationships with, how my faith affected my relationships, if I preferred missionary vs. being rode off into the sunset and a variety of other questions that would normally be annoying. Luckily it was Friday and the music had me in a good mood so I obliged. And once I answered, she sat back for a second and didn’t say anything. Then came the utterance that provided today’s post:
Hmm. I’m surprised by the amount of time you were single between girlfriends. Most men don’t know how to be single.
I was facing my desk doing a whole lot of nothing before she said this. But upon hearing what she said, I had no choice but to do the following:
Whatttt?
With as much talk as there is about players, friends with benefits, cut buddies, and an overall shortage of men that allows them to play the field nowadays, I couldn’t believe she was saying men don’t know how to be single. The conversation got interesting at this point. I went for the jugular and told her that men aren’t the emotional creatures. We may be territorial, but we’re typically not the emotional ones that often look for a connection in the form of a relationship or through coitus. I would have probably been reported and written up under normal circumstances, but since I’m the person that does the writing up and documentation…yeah. I was cool.lol.
Now I’ll be honest. I do know some a lot of sucka ass dudes men that always have a girl. I don’t think it’s because they’re emotionally needy. I just think they like consistency of bunz. Sometimes it sucks to have to go out and put in work just to pacify the carnal urge to submerge in warm lady oasis. It’s nice to come home, get it poppin’, and have a false sense of security that she’s yours. Now had my co-worker said some men don’t know how to go without s*x for extended amounts of time, I would have cosigned and there would be no post today. Well, there would have been a post. The backup topic involved me, a cowboy hat, a woman, and d-cups. Anyways…
I don’t buy the whole “men don’t know how to be single” thing. This wasn’t the first time I heard it, but I was surprised by who I was hearing it from. I know that we, both genders included, all have needs. It doesn’t matter if they’re physical or emotional. A man who has to always have a boo-type chick around is no worse than a woman that needs to be the center of attention and have multiple dudes courting her for her to feel validated. I don’t condone either circumstance, but honestly if it’s not my life it isn’t my problem until I pick up the phone and have to listen.
What do you think of this particular battle of the sexes? Do men have more difficulty being single compared to women? Are women more so the ones that struggle in this area? Do you have friends who always have to have a boo?How do you handle long bouts of singleness?
Single? Nah, I always hit home runs,
Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com
P.S. Sorry, I had to use the dramatic chipmunk one more time.
(Doubt I'll be 1st to comment, Sane might beat me to it lol)
I don't think it's true. Well… then again. I need time to think this comment out..
Oh yea! I stole the chipmunk!! It's crazu and i love it! Okay, bye.
Uuum, is there a problem with my only claim to fame being that I am usually the first to post a comment at 10pm PST? If so, then yay Sookeh *Bill Comptom voice*
There's NO problem e-boo!! I hearts you!!
Sookeh hearts you 
1) The Dramatic Chipmunk was a #win & it totally made my night! Please use it again…especially the pervert one!
2) Do men have more difficulty being single compared to women? I don't think so, i don't see as many men complaining about being single/lonely as I do women.
3) Are women more so the ones that struggle in this area? I see more women struggling with this than I see dudes but maybe I don't get out often enough?
4) Do you have friends who always have to have a boo? YES! One of my best friends doesn't seem to feel validated without one (same goes with my mother)! I understand wanting companionship but how can you be the best companion you can be without truly knowing yourself. You can't bring to a relationship what you don't have. Going from boyfriend to boyfriend doesn't seem like a happy or content existence to me…
5) How do you handle long bouts of singleness? With a lot of sexual frustration…kidding (well, maybe not completely) but I spend my time doing things that make me happy like reading books, watching movies or my favorite shows, writing poetry or going where I find serenity like barnes & nobles. I'm more used to being single than in a relationship so I have to know what appeases me.
6) I'm lightweight begging you to PLEASE use the Dramatic chipmunk again, it brings my soul #epic happiness! Thank you mucho!
I will bet my life that Slim will use the dramatic chipmunk real soon!
Slim uses the Chipmunk in real life….. its funny in all occasions.
I haven't gotten to see him do it in real life, i will rejoice in the day that i will! I left this window open so that not only can i refresh & check the responses but also so i can see the dramatic chipmunk again! It brings me THAT much joy! lol!
#shoutout to you for stating the questions and THEN answering them instead of making me scroll up top every 13.5 seconds to see what you were referring to
#noshots
No problem, i try from time to time! lol!
It's kinda funny you mentioned "Hey Ho" cuz when men sleep around they're some players but for women they be saying "Hey Ho!"
From what I've seen, single status doesn't discriminate against gender. BUT it's been a lot of my guy friends who "didn't know how to stay single". One of my closest friends since I've known him in high school (*counts fingers*) the past 7 years, I think he's been thru 7-9 females… >_< relationship or smashees/smashettes. I don't remember any of my fem friends rushing to have squeezes or boos as often as the guys… Maybe it's just me..and that co-worker of yours lol
Long bouts of singleness? How do I handle them? Work and school. Keeps my mind off it.. most of the time. Other times, I let Pinkee handle my needs. #thatisall (for now)
pinkee? lol!
I haven't named any of my favs…(yea, i meant plural, lol)
Pinkee is my main b*tch. Then there's Blue and Nympha. ^_^ Three peas in a pod. My Terrific Trio. I love them all. Pinkee's the oldest. lol
ROTFLMAO! My main stays under my pillow, always ready to be plugged in! I have more than 3 (#dontjudgeme)…guess that's why I don't name them! lol!
P stays btwn my two pillows, which are in the same case. Woooo wee! She goes great with N. Lmao are we really talking about our main vibs? You can definitely name them all. Try the alphabet in the order you got em. Alpha, Beta, etc. Haha
LMAO! I don't even remember the order of when I got all of them (variety is the spice of life)…some are still packed up in AL waiting to come back to me so I had to start up a new stable (of course, my main took the plane ride with me), lol! This convo seriously is happening & I wonder how people will feel about it but its how women stay content/sane while single! lol!
(This kinda reminds me of a convo i had in undergrad with a group of friends about naming your vag or peen (yes, I said peen). One changed the name of his & created a song on the spot…they also gave mine a name since I didn't have one (well, 2 people did) but none of them had seen her. They made many references about trying to make that journey through the rest of my undergrad career…)
Y'all nasty.
I kid. I'm in a 3 month drought and trust me, I can relate to these comments. In fact, I just did, before posting. And, good night.
L.Dejean: "ROTFLMAO! My main stays under my pillow, always ready to be plugged in!"
Wait, they make them so you have to plug them in now? Well, I guess you don't want the battery to die at the wrong time.
When the battery dies, it's tragic. Blue did it once..
Blue needed a break. SHE is only for short fixes
lol
Sue: “When the battery dies, it’s tragic. Blue did it once..”
Maybe Blue needs Cialis.
@High Jazz There are some that you can plug into the wall, there is also some that you can plug into your USB & charge from your computer & the charge can last at least 9 hours…there is a lot out there these days!
@S Dot, it really is a sad thing when the battery dies, thats why i love my main cause he doesn't die!
@SaneN i'm going into Month 7 of my drought…yea…i'm going insane at this point!
WHATTT?! Charge from your PC??? Since when? Where was I?
I stay up on these things…this has been like a year or so since they started making them…I'll give you my favorite site address.. http://www.goodvibes.com/” rel=”nofollow”>.http://www.goodvibes.com/ (yea, i know the address by heart, #dontjudgeme) I order most of mine from there & they always send out emails about sales & events (they are based out of Cali, so if you live there, i'm jealous cause you can go). Some of the stuff is expensive but if you catch them when they have sales, you can get stuff at really great prices.
Cali?! I'm in NY. If anyone is in Cali, I'm also jealous. I've yet to visit a store like that. With nice toys and such. Lol oh btw, I don't judge on Tuesday evenings. I fav'd the link in my browsing history
I'm also in NY! I haven't found such a mecca yet either but a friend of mine said there is such a place in the city…i don't think she remembers where cause her memory is TERRIBLE! I've been to places in basements, nice sized places but the lingerie/costume section took up most of the space so all the toys & p*rn was sharing the space & in AL, there was a decent sized place but it was kinda the same in the middle of nowhere.
Thanks for not judging & i think you'll appreciate the site & they get your purchases to you in great time!
OMG! I love the word "peen"! I say it too!! ^_^ I knew I wasn't alone! I think I named mine "My Prrrrrrrreeecious" lmao
ROTFLMAO @ the Lord of the Rings reference! I may have to start referring to it as that as well! You are def not alone though, a whole group of my friends say "peen" and "cawk" too!
as i read these responses about the placement of rabbits, pinkees, etc… all i can think of is poon juice on the pillow is never a good thing unless i caused it to go there
…i'll never look at another woman's pillows the same…
LOL. Our pillows are just to store them. Sleeping in the wet spot is the next big problem… *skips along*
No! You gotta clean it or use something that will cause the juices not to go on it like a condom (yes, people do that). Its unsanitary to not clean it! We're not trying to catch any sort of infections! They sell cleaning agents that are safe for the different types of toys like if you have rubber, you need a specific kind but if you have plastic, you can use warm water & regular soap!
There are also storage cases that look like pillows! When i had my own apartment, i had a night stand that had a drawer & that's were i kept all my toys, batteries & condoms. No one ever knew what was in that drawer…that's how infrequent i had company…#deepsigh Being back at my fam's house till where i'm supposed to be is finished, i have to keep mine under the pillows.
@L.Dejean: u dont think ur fam knows what u r doing with all that buzzing going on??
@L.Dejean: thanks for the goodvibes link. I always wanted to find a store with a good selection of cockrings…… pause.
@cheeks, my fam is generally fast asleep when I have to handle my "needs"! My tv is always on at a level where it can cover up the sound! lol
And you are very welcome! I'm always glad to help…never used a cock ring before…i may need to find someone willing to use one! lol
You so silly for doing the dramatic chipmunk.
"Do men have more difficulty being single compared to women?"
I don't believe so. Men do single better than they do commitment, IMO. And I don't know if I'd say women struggIe in this area either but I think lots of women have difficulty being alone.
"How do you handle long bouts of singleness?"
It's all I've ever known….
There are the days that singleness really sucks. Like when you head out with friends and everyone ends up boo'd up with their S.O. and there you sit. Or when you are supa dupa alone and you get the freaky thought syndrome going. You just have to concentrate on other things. Thank goodness for my computer, chocolate, and wine.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
I think what needs to be addressed here moreso is the fact that a man may be dealing with one or two females on a regular basis..but still consider himself single because it may be a non-committed situation or a fwb thing…….men don't typically have a real need to committ if they are getting what they need from a situation anyway….its really semantics.
I agree w/ this. I feel like what she was trying to convey is that men are always seemingly with a woman… doesn't mean that they are committed necessarily but it's not often that you know a man who isn't dealing w/ a woman on some level – FwB, or otherwise. Whereas, there are times when women are just single. I mean single to the core. No FwB, no cutty buddy… none of that. Just single.
Le sigh. Lol.
Ditto.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
super duper co-sign.
Here YOU go changing the topic….lololol
I agree with u on this point. As a man I feel like I was right on board with how he handled this conversation on a friday afternoon. But since its Tuesday I beleive that this was the point of the article that he missed. Likewise being single was not clearly defined. If you have a team of skip-dips no disrespect or a couple minor league ball players you truly aren't single. That time we spend forgetting about time in these make shift pleasure filled post hip-hop relationships are realtionships. If you are participating in acts at only 60% of your capacity that you would normally extend to a life partner your in a relationship. Unfortunately I agree with the young lady. But once again I agree with the young man because we have not accurately described what a relationship is for the context of this argument.
Always a pleasure
Technically anybody that isn't married is single in some states.lol. But yes, in retrospect I should have defined single for clarity's sake in the post. I'll revisit the conversation with the co-worker and maybe provide an update.
Technically anybody that isn’t married is single in some states.lol.
^^^That's what I say…in NY, if you aren't married, you're single, they don't even have cohabiting adults on anything.
Bingo this has to be defined.
Welcome and great first post!
I think its true Slim. You can see a woman single for extended periods of time. Men, hardly. I think men can be more emotional than women. (This should be another post)
Yes women are emotional, but men are as well. Men always need to feel "needed, appreciated and have their ego fed." Hence the reason male affairs are more emotional (my girl doesn't appreciate me, make me feel like a man)….Also men don't like to be alone. I feel they're insecure more than women, hence they need their ego fed 100x a day.
Women don't really need their ego fed. Im a relationship lover. But I feel some guys are more in the relationship not because its good for them or they compliment the woman…..just b/c they dont want to be alone….what you think?
I don't know any men like the ones you described. Well, maybe some, but the vast majority of my male friends are either super single and loving it, or, they are in happy healthy relationships that weren't born out of loniliness or insecurity.
Also, most of my friends aren't really emotional like that. I think you might just attract emo dudes. Where are you geographically? I'm wondering if the men act different in different parts of the country.
NYC. My man isn't like that. But I know guys who date girls just to have one on their arm. No intention of marrying her & dealing with stress….i dont get it though
*p.s. wat do you think about the ego part?
These guys you're describing just seem lame to me. I guess what I'm saying is, how do your friends end up with these guys. Their lameness has to show itself at some point prior to the relationship becomming serious.
All men like for the ego to be fed – to an extent. Myself included. There's a big difference between liking that, and needing that. A guy who needs that is not a guy any woman should want to be in a relationship. Just avoid these dudes.
Right on point.
I forgot to address how I handle long bouts of singleness…well, I focus on my kids, myself and my family……..
Thank you Sue…Good Morning!
I keep forgetting people have families and ish. Everybody ain't out there willy nilly wildin in the streets.
I feel ya that one.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Yes… I know women that desparately hate being single which results in one of two things:
1. A relationship that is just wrong on so many levels.
- or –
2. Them being single even longer b/c men think their psycho b/c everytime one comes around they cling. Static.
Let's see… how have I dealt with my long bout of singleness? Work, school, church, gym… friends, books, movies, travel. I think I've been 5 vacations in the past 2 years, lol.
Yo that sounds like one of them half a** Drake metaphors.
Everytime I come around chicks cling: Static.
I hate when he does that. Now it's becoming the in thing to do though. Mad annoying.
LMFAO. I hate it too… lol. That was the purpose.
Actually Big Sean was the first. Then YM, Hov, Luda and others hopped on. Rabbit.
LMAO!!! Good one Streetz! Drake…smh…
Kudos on the chipmunk. It reminded me of youtube and my Patron days.
While men may know how to be single, I just don't think that they know what the definition of being single is.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Tiffany: "While men may know how to be single, I just don’t think that they know what the definition of being single is."
If single is celibacy, then I believe you are right. The average man isn't going to have a three-month drought if he has options.
If single is not in a relationship, most men in their twenties prefer to be single.
Women tend to have more of a problem being single (not in a relationship). Men are far more likely to have hobbies to distract them. Typically bored men will indulge in their hobbies. Bored women usually look for someone to entertain them.
Men always want to be single and have the option of having someone in their bed.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
I'm curious to see how many men have had long bouts of singleness.
I see lots of women talking about what they do while they're single. I used to write a blog for another site awhile back. One of the posts I wrote was called "Why Am I Still Single". Check it out here:
http://www.thatblackgirlsite.com/category/thatbla…
That was amazing. :') I just read it. *sigh*
Thanks Sue! Much appreciated…
She's right, it truly was amazing. It was great to read such a positive post as well.
Thanks Sane… I must admitt, I really like that piece myself. I thought long and hard about it. And Jane is real. She's like… a real friend of mine.
I wonder if Jane ever got what she wanted and deserved. I hope she did..
She's still single – but happy… She'll find someone though – she really is a catch.
I'm not gonna lie Slim … your friend/co-worker is an idiot.
I have never ever ever heard anyone state that men handle single-dom worst than women. Some men do, but there are also some men who cry more than some women.
Most men are holding onto singledom harder than John Legend is holding on to his hairline.
I’m not gonna lie Slim … your friend/co-worker is an idiot.
Lmao I thought you was gonna say she's a genius. Ok, carry on. Lol
I don't really think it is gender specific. Some people, male or female, just do not know how to be alone.
i don't buy into her logic either. i would go further to say that most men would be happy being single if they could have one down chick in their corner. i know more women who don't know how to be single than i do men. these type of people are called serial monogamists. personally i've only had 4 girlfriends in my entire life so this just doesn't fit me.
yeah I'll have to say its usually women that are serial monogamists. I do have a good friend and as long as I've known her (11 years) she's never been single. and even during our college years! crazy to me, but it is what it is. lol
Women are more likely to be the seriel monogamysts. However, I know a few men who are always in a relationship, or always trying to be in a relationship. I think for these guys, it's more of a status type of thing among their peers. If most of their guy friends are in LTRs, then they seem to rush into relationships just so they can have a lady on their arm. It's rare, but it does happen.
I think this is true for a certain type of man and I know a tonne of these jacka$$es.
These guys don’t even give themselves a chance to learn to be single. They go from “relationship” to “relationship” (with a whole heap of side tings along the way) without ever coming up for air.
And of course being that these guys are…pigs? insecure? lazy? whatever, the women they “wife” are almost always psycho and the relationships are always dramatic and ridiculous. So they break up at least once a month. Then the first time they get a wood and there’s no one but their right hand to handle the situation, they’re calling the psycho girl to get back together….even though they know this chick is gonna go through their phones, break into their email, and show up at their job and make a scene at the slightest provocation. Anything is better than being single for these fools.
Max: "These guys don’t even give themselves a chance to learn to be single. They go from “relationship” to “relationship” (with a whole heap of side tings along the way) without ever coming up for air."
We spoke about these execrable specimens before. These are lame-game negroes that can't be upfront with what they want, so they "wife" up someone so they can have easy access to poon.
Eh, I think she's projecting a past experience. Maybe her ex-boyfriend just got a girlfriend that's better looking than her and she's taking it out on you. Maybe her father left her mother and now has a smoking hot 28 year old wife. I don't know, I'm just saying there's more to that than she's letting on. I'd like to hear the full story.
But as many people here have said, I think it all depends on the person. I have friends who haven't had a serious girlfriend in years. And I mean years.
I have other friends who've had a few girlfriends this year alone.
All depends on the person and what mindframe they're in at the moment. Some people like to be single, some people like the feeling of being settled. To each his own.
I used to date someone that was referred to as a "serial monogamist"…i had no clue till it was over between us & he was on the the next. Now he's married to her but still acts like he's single (he's admitted to me that he's cheated on his wife, smh). I would rather be single than to deal with such a man ever again.
You guys made my morning hella interesting. ^_^
I think our convo took it to a whole different level…and provided a bit of insight for some men on here, lol!
Different level is an understatement lol
And speaking of insight, I think I gave some about *whispers* orgasms. O_o http://bit.ly/storyoforgasm I dunno but this post definitely inspired it and I forgot what else did. But I'm already looking forward to the post for tomorrow. Wonder what Streetz is gonna do O_O
LOL! true!
I'm going to read the post…i have no clue what streetz has up his sleeve…i could try asking but he probably won't tell me! lol
Best believe I'll be up at 1am waiting for the post to go up. I think there's a Ricky's in SoHo (I'm in Albany so that trip isn't happening today) for toys and such but I don't remember how it looks anymore lol
yea, i'll be waiting for the tweets!
Ricky's? I've never heard of it! I live in Brooklyn…i may need to look it up!
This picture: http://bit.ly/9xTrUy lmfaooo
That's the one! But the one i had had some minions chasing after the kitten! lol
http://bit.ly/bSX7S2 this is it then!
#WIN! I effin LOVE that picture! lol
@Cheekz You're the 1st guy that's openly admit to cockrings. They're so fun.
@L. Dejean pay him no mind. That's what "sleep music" is for.
I've never met a dude willing to admit to using one either outside of that comedian Dion whoever!
I'm not bothered by him…i know what needs to be done so no one knows! Good thing that folks sleep mad hard here but i will admit that i was less paranoid of being caught when i had my own place. I used to hate getting calls or texts during my "me" time! lol
o_O
What the eff did I miss today?
You missed how women stay sane/content while single…LMAO!
You missed …yea. what she said
The same thing that happened on 3ways, happened here. Derailed completely off topic… kinda but not really. Yay us.
I think a new friendship also blossomed as well as another blog post! lol
I think she's talking about us. ^_^ *whispers* Yessss #fistpump <(^_^<)(>^_^)> ooo oooo
ROTFLMAO! yea, i was! Those smilies were the next best thing to happen today to the dramatic chipmunk! lol
Hehe, we rock. I kinda feel bad for going semi-off topic though.
That we do! But it somewhat applies…if you are truly single, you're suffering from sexual frustration & this is one of the aides so we aren't THAT off-topic, lol
Touché. It's amazing how we can make it from topic A and end up at Z, while referring to A. Lol and this happens everyday on every post.
Anyway (lol) I was looking at that goodvibes site. And O_O I know what I might get myself for my birthday… Uhh there's just too much to choose from! >_<
ROTFLMAO! hey, sometimes it takes a trip around the world to get back to the point but we did it in a fun way! LOL!
Isn't that site GREAT?! I love it cause of the selection…there is something for every occasion! lol! Happy Birthday to YOU! lol
u really kick people out your house and spill Crys on 2520s head?
Are you Diddy?
and why are you still drinking crys… I thought it was establish that they hate black people.