Good morning/afternoon/evening ladies and gentlemen. The last time I wrote for SBM, I talked about Why Men Don’t Commit. Naturally the question I heard most was, “So, why do men commit?” Hence today’s follow-up.
I thought about this topic for a long, long, looong time and I have concluded, I have no idea. Well, I have an idea but my response is usually not the rosy, comforting response most women are looking for. I’ll share a quote a fellow (female) blogger shared with me:
Boissuq.com: When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…
I concur. Getting a man to commit is like getting hit by lightening, you just have to be at the right place at the right time. Word to big bird. Let me explain why.
Most women spend the greater part of their post-pubescent lives thinking of the qualities they would like in their man. I’m not saying they’re obsessed with it but women tend to have an idea of what they want in a man because they’ve been thinking about it longer than men have been thinking about what they want in a woman. Namely, because men spend about 3 – 12 months thinking about what they want. In addition, it’s usually when they’ve already found ‘The One.’ In other words, they begin asking themselves, “Can I see myself with THIS woman?” not “What kind of woman am I looking for?”
This might have to do with the nature of dating. Women get approached and men approach. Therefore, women need to be more intuitive in what they want; whereas, men just have to receive reciprocity (Lauren Hill!). In layman’s terms, most men go out looking for s*x and sometimes they find a relationship along the way. Women assess relationship potential and sometimes they have s*x.
There are two additional factors:
Factor #1) Women tend to have specific criteria. Using myself as an example, I cannot come up with 10 things I need in a woman. I can barely come up with 10 things I want. My list basically goes like this:
1) Be attractive……
Then there’s an addendum of things that would be nice to have, like
1b) < 3 kids, preferably 0.
1c) see #1.
That’s it. If a woman has those qualities, I’m happy. Anything in addition to #1 is a BONUS to me.
On the other hand, I have women friends who have very specific criteria:
1) Must be this height
2) Have a college degree
3) Be this race
4) Have this belief in God; and
5) – 100) etc. etc.
More importantly, they wont stray from the list. It’s either all or nothing.
So there may be ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ but women fish with a specific bait for a specific fish; men fish with a net and decipher between the keepers later.
Factor #2) In WIM’s humble opinion, women have difficulties finding all the qualities they want in one man. Men have difficulty accepting all they want in one woman. In other words, men say they want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” but then can’t handle this in one woman. As a result, they’ll have two (or more) women for each role. The one they can respect as a woman (the main) and the one they can respect as a freak (the side chick). Not only is this unfair to the women, it reinforces that (some) men can’t handle what they desire.
Lastly, men aren’t greatly impressed or intrigued by the college degrees and advancements in career that women bring to the table. Those things are nice, but if you’re unattractive, who cares?
I’ll end with part of a convo I had via Twitter with @DrJayJack that inspired this very blog then open this up to questions/comments. *Edited for readability:
@DrJayJack: Men will not ask their women to do something that makes him think less of her. He doesn’t want that.
@WisdomIsMisery: Yes, BUT he doesn’t often stop her either. “On my face” sounds good til you have to witness the aftermath
@WisdomIsMisery: Dudes are hypocrites. lol They have a “good girl” they can “love” (the main) then have the jumpoff 4 all the freaky ish on the side
@WisdomIsMisery: Honestly, that’s my point. You cant trust or cant handle? Basically, dudes want a ‘freak’ but then cant #man-up & commit to her.
@DrJayJack: I believe in the sanctity of a side piece or a GF you keep in a condo downtown near the office.
Ladies, what are 10 things you look for in a man? Is your list non-negotiable? Fellas, the statistics are in our favor *HIGH FIVE!!!* but what do you look for? Is it non-negotiable? Both, why DO men commit? Because I really don’t know other than – right place, right time?
Wisdom Is Misery