Your Polo boxers are being dusted for prints right now.
Antoine Dodson is the realest man on the planet. You just can’t deny it. “Hide ya kids!” changed our work lives forever and they will remain changed until the end of time. Anyway, my favorite line of that entire interview was when he said, “You are soooo dumb. You are really dumb, for real.” I can’t help but feel this way about people everyday. Someone asked me why this chick was still sleeping with a dude after she found out twice that he was cheating on her*, and I said, “If common sense was common, everyone would have it.” And so, people always ask me what do I think when I’m working with someone to help them with their relationship advice and I’m being honest, 75% of the time, I’m looking at this person and saying, “You are really dumb, for real!”
Let me break it down with a short and quick list of eight things that I just have to continuously shake my head at:
1. Men who get got by opportunistic women
I’m not calling women gold diggers, let’s be clear. However, some women will stop at nothing to not spend money. Like if you notice that every time you hang out with a group of women, or a woman in particular and you are spending money. Reevaluate your friendship, it’s not a friendship, it’s an agreement. Probably an agreement that doesn’t involve sex.
2. People who in general never realize that their friends are some needy b*tches
Everybody’s got some friends who only call them when they need something, or they are just always needing something. The second you ask them for something, they are missing, broke, or just can’t do it. I had a friend one time ask me to pick him up from his house and take him to get a car, a few months later I asked him to give me a ride from the metro station to his house 5 minutes away and he couldn’t leave because the game was already on.
3. Women who believe the dumb ish that men say
I have to remind a woman at least twice a week that if a man truly means the things he says he will show you. If a man loves you, he will not hurt you. But by far this is the one that women get got on the most, “I’m not really looking to be in a relationship, I’m still trying to figure some things out for myself.” Meanwhile, he wants you to be with just him.
4. Men who leave things behind like clothes, phones, passwords and sperm
Am I the only one who when he finishes having sex starts looking for all his stuff, including anything that might have fell out his pocket? Or am I the only one who whenever not at his computer, hits [Windows Key] + L? And I never use anyone’s computer, never. Silent Logger can be the collapse of a man.
5. Women who think they are too good in bed
Women get got everyday on the same weak a*s game from men. Don’t brag about how good you are in bed because all a man does is “doubt you.” Hilarious that people fall for this. The guy says something different like, “You ain’t that nice.” And next thing you know, you feel like you have something to prove. Also, men never really tell women the truth about sex. They always say it’s the best they ever had. Men will take bad sex over no sex.
6. People who think somebody actually wants to be in their business
There is nothing dumber than some chick who is screaming to the top of her lungs, “B*tch you don’t know me!” Some women have a tendency to think they are the most exclusive person in the world and people actually want to know them. Men do this too. Using fake names in the club and whatnot. Listen, if you need to use a fake name, or untag yourself from a picture on Facebook, you probably shouldn’t have been doing what you were doing.
7. Men who think they’re balling
“One day I will ball. One day … I will ball.” Do I pop bottles in the club? Yes. Do I think I’m balling? Nope. I thought I was balling for a while until one night in Miami, me and my friends spunt a few stacks, and realized that the football player over there had spunt 60 stacks. I don’t profess to ball, I profess to wanting to have a good time. But let me tell you, when a man says, “I’m balling” but he has to check his bank account before making a purchase or eat PBJ for a week after a bottle is bought. He’s not balling! (Sidenote: Mobile Bank of America is the biznass.)
8. People who think they are something that they are not and instead of keeping it to themselves, keep saying dumb things aloud
There is nothing worse than a brown skin girl claiming to be light skin or a 5’10” Negro claiming to be 6’1” (Re: Allen Iverson). I put it to you like this, here’s how to confirm anything about yourself, someone else tells you it. If a man calls you a red bone, chances are you’re light skin, but if he has never said anything about your complexion, you not light skin. End of discussion, wait for the affirmation.
I really enjoyed writing this post. I had been holding it in for a minute, pause. I’m sorry, I spent the last month getting ransacked weekly, #TWSS. Anyway, I’m interested to hear your thoughts on something or a few things that people do that are really dumb, like for real.
Everybody’s got some friends who only call them when they need something, or they are just always needing something. The second you ask them for something, they are missing, broke, or just can’t do it.
^^^Boy, oh boy is this true for me! This is why i don't really speak to people anymore…i got tired of it!
But by far this is the one that women get got on the most, “I’m not really looking to be in a relationship, I’m still trying to figure some things out for myself.” Meanwhile, he wants you to be with just him.
^^^Won't lie, this has been me one too many times!
People who think they are something that they are not and instead of keeping it to themselves, keep saying dumb things aloud
^^^Delusions of grandeur! A friend of mine once said her booty was almost as big as mine…the whole room got silent & she got massive #SideEyes. I try to state whats true about me-my heritage, where i'm from, etc. I don't lie on my height (4'11 & proud) & or my age. I just don't see the point.
Things i think are dumb:
-Staring & then getting mad cause you got caught
-Asking for my "pin" before you ask my name assuming i have a blackberry
-Lying on how good you are in bed/constantly talking about sex (those are typically the worst)
-Acting like your point of view holds more weight than mine based on age or gender…GTFOH
There are more but i can't think of any! Great post!
Call me crazy…but maybe this makes me #hellathursty and #justbeingaman but after everything you said, all I was wondering is "I wonder how big her booty is"?
back to our regular scheduled programming.
it is big & nice enough…and since we're doing a lot of glut work in yogalates & kickboxing, it's now more toned, lol!
Hilarious, sad, but true!!!! That is why that beautiful delete key is my friend. I know a chic going thru #3 but she keeps going back and forever keeps going back, even after saying she isn't she will delete him and cut him off. She still goes back. The sex is the bomb she says. O____o
iCant with folks smh
Yes, we are some dumb dumb diddies..for real. I have been dumb for sure. But, I usually learn from my mistakes and do better next time…some people repeat patterns…which makes you stupid at that point. Everybody plays the fool sometimes…but, over and over again…might wanna check your choices.
A man that loves you..will not hurt you? Not intentionally anyways..he's going to make efforts to be straight up with you at least….and when he does hurty you..he will be sorry. He won't try to twist it around on you..and he won't keep doing the same shyt over and over to you.
Women who think they're too good in bed – I have some friends like that….telling me the guys "thinks your coochie is so good"..meanwhile, guys keep dogging you…smh.
Good post.
I'm with her. *points*
Good one Dr.
Loved it! #truth
Question: [Windows Key] + L? – what does that do?
A man that loves you will not hurt you — I agree with Queen T, not intentionally he won't.
>>People who think they are something that they are not and instead of keeping it to themselves, keep saying dumb things aloud>>
I have a gf like that right now. She swears that every man that see's her is madly in love with her. Wants to buy her everything she desires and want nothing more in the world than to eat her p*y for hours at a time…every man, every time. I'm like really? REALLY? She drives me nuts.
That key combo just locks your computer while you're away…
I don't fault you for not trying it…someone prolly got you one time saying "Hey try hitting Alt+F4, it's really cool!" and now you're gun shy
Why is my post just sitting there saying "awaiting moderation?"
"4. Men who leave things behind like clothes, phones, passwords and sperm"
~and SPERM! LMAO hilarious.
Oh yeah! That's that Child Support money! All the trife heaux needs is <72 hrs after his nut. And she'll be collecting paychecks for the next 21 years. 25 if the kids wants to go to college. Lmao the things people do
#3 smh.
This post was d@mn funny!
I'd like to add a #9 to "you are sooo dumb, you are really dumb…for real": people who take Facebook, Twitter and other social networks as gospel. I know so many folk who read too much into Tweets and statuses that it's ridiculous.
My co-worker actually took a picture of this guy's relationship status on FB and sent it to him to "prove" that he was more serious w/ this girl than he was claiming to be. o_O
I'm going to piggyback off your point and say,
#9b – People who participate in stupid Trending Topics.
#ileftyoubecause
#webrokeupbecause
#yousahaterbecause
Just dumb.
Can we throw more trending topics in there?
#yoursinglebecause
#breakuplines
#wecantbetogetherif
#iunfollowyouif
LOL!!! I love 9b!!!
People who participate in that foolishness get the ultimate blank stare #JimHalpert
I'm rollin @ your Office reference…Halpert makes me smile.
Hey hey hey there! I participated on some of those topics… they were funny! Awe boo… I guess I'm really dumb
LOL!! It's okay Sissy
You are not balling……..
Also add……..dudes that throw stacks of ones in the club. ROFL Like dude why you throw your lunch money in the air? ROFL That is not balling.
http://media.photobucket.com/image/seventeen+doll…
ROFL….17 Bones
DEAD!!
1.men who get got by oppurtunistic women…THEY FAULT. too many dudes always tryin to buy the coochie. I dont get it. "it is TRICKIN, even if you DO got it"
2. everyone needs you to let em hold something…CHUUCH. when my phone rings during the week from someone (usually family) who I usually only talk to on weekends, I already know whats coming…
3. no comment. you hit it on the head.
4.blessing and a curse to not have kids at the age of 31. I tell people "my car is my child support payment". for future reference, always keep ya cell phone locked, and when you late nite creep, just have the essentials, track pants, a tee and a hoody (depending on the season of course). in the military we call it "sanitizing" yourself. if any of you were ever military and worked in those "G-14 classifed" type areas, you know what I mean.
5. Ive never told a woman she was bad in bed. even when she was completely and utterly terrible. NEVER. NEVER. let me say that again..NEVER. and I know a few pretty/gorgeous types that have no idea they cant swerve. #travesty
6.people that have fake names they use in clubs, have too much time on there hands. my advice, read a book, or plant a garden. because if you can keep up with all that name changin', youve got some untapped genius in you. in theory.#useyourpowersforgood
7. that one was just funny. you see it all the time. its a recession, let them cats who fakin it stimulate the economy. though I must say, I do in fact SMH when I see a cat with an Escalade, but livin wit his momma. but what can you say…Get In Where You Fit In. at ya mommas house, that is.
8. Im a hair over 6'1 1/4. but since Im over 30, I cant claim that. just gotta say plain ole 6'1. if you over 30 tryin to claim an extra half inch, you wrong. and you sound like a lame.
#3
*HangsHeadinShame*
Lesigh…
At one point in my life I was Gullible Gabby BUT I am proud to say I have been REFORMED and completely DETOXT!!!! Been clean 10 months now.
I wonder if some of these things correlate with age. I think 1,2 and 7 should make their way out after the mid 20s
Man… people pretending to be something/someone they aren't is the killer. Why lie to me? Who am I? Why do you feel the need to impress?
Situation 1: Chick A gon say she allllllll super close to Dude B. Throwing me *side-eyes* anytime I bring up Dude B's name even in general conversation. She clearly marked that territory. Even though from my perception Dude B don't really fudge w/ her like dat. Dude B and I run into each out and about… we make promises to get up & chill. We do so. Ask him about Chick A and the many conversations that they've had according to Chick A & if there is a reason we shouldn't associate. Dude B says:
I don't know no FUKCING Kyana!!
Now I gotta give Chick A the (-__-) everytime I see her.
Situation 2: Change Dude B's name to pro basketballer from the DC area & repeat.
My Fav line in belly lol
Dang, talk about calling people out! We should responsibility and tell everybody acting out "you are really dumb, for real." Do u know how much time and effort we will save? This post was a killer!
I call people out to their face. I'm good for a LMAO in your face when you tell me something like, "He said he got her pregnant, but they only slept together once."
Really now?
Welcome… for real.
Funn as hell
How about
10) People who blindly follow friends advice, when they have no real credibility regarding the topic discussed.
Women… looking RIGHT at you, lol
Yo Streetz
#10B – Monkey see, monkey do. "He beat, so I can beat."
It couldn't be that she actually is feeling me? I hate how dudes think that just because I did something they can do it. It don't work like that.
I'd like to propose a 10c "Duck Tales": I can't stand when grown @ss people lie about trival sh!t. So much so, they start to believe it themselves:
Ex. 1….My friends and I are together and I mention I went to the gym that AM. "Huey" then says that she too has been working out. Huey is a d@mn lie b/c she's like 250lbs and no one has EVER seen her do anything close to running or breaking a sweat…stop it!!! She really believes she's athletic.
Ex. 2…Conversation about dating insues. "Louie" starts talking about all the dudes she "bags", yet we've never met any of them…never heard her on the phone w/ anybody…but she has to trump whoever is "winning" in the dating game at the moment.
I just start humming the theme song to "Duck Tales" every time.
LMAO.
I know a Huey and a Louie, and all I can do is laugh. And sometimes, they are the same person.
Ex1: maybe she went to the gym, she didn't say anything about working out.
Ex2: Google: Squashing + BBW
It's an epidemic, some dudes be into that, tho.
@Dr. J
*shakes head furiously* nah homie…her whole M.O. is to trump whatever you say/do. You can't be great. Even you. If I introduced you and said you write and have a dope blog…I PROMISE you…at that moment…she would have written a piece for Essence Magazine while standing on her head and sipping Moscato.
@Dr. J
I hate you for "making" me google that!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQJ8uN6jqPs&p=…
This…
If I had a dollar for everytime i saw/knew of dudes doing that, Id be rich. I think they just want to prove to themselves that they can pull the women you can and that's wack to me.
great post. #6 and #8 especially. but if these dumb people didnt exist, I probably wouldn't enjoy twitter much.
Shots fired! Lol… "bang bang… ah you got me b*tch!" #DaveChapelle
This is too funny! Like you are really dumb, for real!
#iDied
Good post, Dr.J.
#11. People who think they have haters.
Every week, one of my FB friends from HS has a long status message about her haters and how she's not going to let them stop her shine, or some shyt like that. And I'm always like, "Really". lol.
"Haters – Everybody has them, but ain't nobody one of them."
Rev Run said this one time via twitter : "some of you imaginary players, have imaginary haters".
lmao. I'm always tempted to comment: "Um… who are you again?"
This goes with people who put long FB statuses complaining about other people having long FB statuses.
That's LSE 2.0
2. People who in general never realize that their friends are some needy b*tches
Oh, I realize it. Unfortunately you have to replace the word "friend" with "family".
3. Women who believe the dumb ish that men say.
I'm really bad with this simply because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and/or look at things from their point of view. It's not that I believe the dumb ish he's spouting out, but most of the time I have no proof to the contrary so I let it ride.
6. People who think somebody actually wants to be in their business
I'm convinced that my sister inspired this post.
8. People who think they are something that they are not and instead of keeping it to themselves, keep saying dumb things aloud
Again, you must know my sister. This girl loudly and continuously claimed that she was in a size 12 even when people kept saying she still looked very pregnant. Yes… this was a year after my niece was born.
Can I add a few? No? Well I'm going to anyways…
People who are openly proud of any of the following:
A.The large number of kids they have spawned and claim to take care of despite nobody ever seeing them together. This is even funnier when those kids aren't even in the same state, but you still claim daddy of the year. This applies to women as well. I know a girl who has three kids, 2 of them in foster care. That doesn't stop her from telling people how wonderful a parent she is. Umm, okay.
B. Their alcoholism. I say alcoholism because if you are constantly telling people that you drink all day, every day and that you even drink in the shower, you are sad.
C. Your ability to bag a ton of females… I mean grenades. #Situation
D. The number of times and number of years you've been behind bars.
Y'all are really dumb… for real.
B. Their alcoholism. I say alcoholism because if you are constantly telling people that you drink all day, every day and that you even drink in the shower, you are sad.
good one. sad thing is, most people don't think they are alkies. and calling yourself a "drunk" and saying there is a "difference" is no longer funny or cute in 2010. seriously. you have an effin problem.
*steps off soapbox*
Let me add one…..friends that can't tell a friend from a parasite.
I have some best friends I love to death. But they have this dude that they think is a friend, that is just a parasite. Parasites are dudes that never have their own place to stay. They have a new roomate every 12 months. Everyone they hang with has more money than them and more education than them. They shamelessly borrow anything. They'll borrow your draws if you let them. If yall smokin they'll by blunts but got nothin on the sack. They furnish their place with furniture they find sitting out for the trash man in their neighborhood.
LOL. Yall get the picture. You are really dumb if you tolerate these people in your life.
Am I the only one who when he finishes having sex starts looking for all his stuff, including anything that might have fell out his pocket?
You're not alone, no MJ.
Also, men never really tell women the truth about sex. They always say it’s the best they ever had. Men will take bad sex over no sex.
Talk about not wanting to bruise egos… Maybe there should be a post: "Are you really the best he ever had?" LOL Wait, wasn't that already done?
Here's my list:
1. People who STILL refer to Africa as a country.
2. An adult who said, "I tried to rinse my laptop off…" Think about that.
3. What's really stupid? Everything that Montana Fishburne said in that interview.
4. People who say, "I neva been outside of 285!" and proud of it.
5. Check this-> young guys, middle class, talking about "struggle" and choosing to portray a poverish life through poverish-induced like choices. Apparently you think it's cool to sell drugs and go to jail.
6. People who choose to have a child and/or marry thinking it'll make the relationship work.
7. People who drop out of Highschool senior year… expelled for not going to class.
8. People who think Juvenile's "Ha" song is ground-breaking and profound. These people really exist and aren't always from Louisiana.
9. The Teaparty.
You had me until #8.. Juvey – Ha, was groundbreaking!
That's you that can't keep yo' old lady
cause you keep f*ckin her friends ha
You brought my tape with a check ha
You wearing a vest ha
You tryin to protect your chest ha
You spent 70 on your benz ha
That's you with that balling sh*t ha
That's you that's taking them hits ha
That h*e don't know when to shut up her mouth ha
You gonna knock that hoe teeth out ha
The whole song is about stuff that people who live in the hood do, that makes absolutely no sense.
Nah bruh, it's is NOT ground-breaking or profound. I'm standing by my word.
You might want to hop on iTunes and buy "The Instrumental" by Lupe Fiasco. Maybe even the whole "The Cool" album.
1) I was only half-serious.
2) Lupe is just as ground breaking as Juvenile, trust me on this one.
Check this-> young guys, middle class, talking about “struggle” and choosing to portray a poverish life through poverish-induced like choices. Apparently you think it’s cool to sell drugs and go to jail.
Problem is this ish gets you pu$$y for the first 18 years of your life. Blame the females. LOL
Today’s post is too funny. Loving it.
People who in general never realize that their friends are some needy b*tches
Yes, this IS dumb! What’s even dumber, you knowing that they’re needy and still not doing anything about said friends!!!
Women who believe the dumb ish that men say
I have been this dumb before and I learned my lesson. I’m a quick study; I don’t get caught up in this ish anymore.
@ LaBakir…”Duck Tales”!!! Sorry to say, Huey and Louie are everywhere
7. Men who think they’re balling
If I had a dime for every broken down Camry, Cutlass, or old Ford Interceptor with MD tags on rims with a crappy stereo vibrating the trunk I could've paid off my grad school loans, mortgage, car note and credit cards and still had enough to purchase beach property in Sao Paulo.
6. People who think somebody actually wants to be in their business
See this on the train every day around 5. #damnedbebekids
I pray to God everyday that I am not nor will ever become one of those stooopid girls in relationships. I try my darndest to learn from the mistakes of others as well.
I personally love screaming out, "You don't knooooooww me!!" A la Maury Show 'Out of Control Teens' and another favorite of mine, "[You] don't care about black people!!" A la Kanye West, to other black people when I dont get my way.
Why you ask?…because it makes me happy. Lol
What happened to MOST?