We’re back at it again beautiful people! The good writers on this site wanted to answer more of your questions, so let’s see what we have this week. Today’s Ask the Staff Question is the following:
When does a man know that the woman he is interested in is “girlfriend” material? In other words, when does the light bulb go off saying “I want to make her my GF?”
Yeah … this one is a tough one. Not only have I traditionally not been a girlfriend person (besides my one success … had a 5 monther and a 2 monther … that’s it), but I fight it. I fight and fight and fight the notion of having a girlfriend. Basically … you just lose the fight. You try and try to be single, but at some point you just think “I really have to lock this down”. And if you don’t put up a good and strong fight … the relationship won’t last. So that’s it … when you lose the fight … it’s a wrap and you can give up your singleness.
I guess we’re not just talking about after the meganut. Anyways, I can tell pretty quickly if a woman is girlfriend material. Whether she is someone that’s girlfriend material for me is a different question. Rather than putting a specific amount of time on it, it’s easier to say I know she’s right for me (at least at the time) by how she makes me feel on a few levels. Yeah, it’s cool if she fluffs my jawn ego, pounces on me when I walk in the door, or if I wake up to see her enjoying the breakfast sausage. All of those things can still happen in the early and peachy dating phase without it being official. But when I wake up thinking about her, feel that I can share my innermost thoughts with her, and feel inspired to be better because of her, then my mind is made. This can be after a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. I’ve experienced the “this seems right” feeling after all those time periods.
I was just writing my article for BitchieLife.com the other day and spoke on this, for a woman it takes her a few seconds to realize whether she is going to give you the business or not, for a man, we have the same exact power when it comes to girlfriends. Now, I see that Slim took the route of what would make a chick his girlfriend, but every chick that is girlfriend material may not end up being my girlfriend. It’s in her aurora, but it’s also up to what that man wants to see. I think back to college and while being a Jedi Knight, I would always shoot the breeze with the Padawans. They would spot an upperclassmen and be like, “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, she’s bad. I’m trying to holla.” And I’d be like, “Nah son, she’s a jumpoff.” You see, in those cats mind they had never seen something like that before, but for me, I knew her game. One of those cats would have considered her wifey material from jump, I would consider her “stop, drop, and roll” material. All this to say, if a man is looking to find a girlfriend then he is liable to spring on the first thing he finds attractive.
Good question. Craziest thing is that some men are still trying to figure this out. I believe when a man first sees a woman, he wonders if based on looks, he would want to make her a GF. Think about it: he wants someone who’s physically attractive, and who people will lowkey envy or compliment him on having good taste. Once you get past the superficial, I believe men do a cost/benefit analysis with the woman to see if her faults outweigh her strengths. We all know women will do certain shyt that will annoy us, and won’t change, so you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to look past that. Then you can focus on the positives (benefits), and whether or not she will “hold you down” in good times and bad (very important for me). Once you add it all up, over time, nothing else to do but pull the trigger and tell all your old jawns that the shop is closed make things official.
The Honorable And Rather Articulate Award Winning RigthCoastLexSteele,
That’s a real hard question to answer because it’s hard to generalize what every man considers qualities that are “wifeable” in a woman. As Dr. J said, one man’s jumpoff may be the love of another man’s life, c’est la vie. Most valuable of all a man’s assets is his time, so I’d have to say a man knows she is girlfriend material if he’s willing to spend most of his time with her without needing to beat her guts in having to sleep with her. If a man is making the conscious decision to spend a significant amount of his time with said woman, it’s clear he’s going to be emotionally invested in her and all the bells and whistles will start going off that she could be the one shortly thereafter. Actually, that’s all bullsh*t. We don’t really know until you ask us. The decision is usually made on the spot, but since we expect you to ask the question within three minutes after the first sexual encounter, we put a little thought into the answer beforehand. Just pick your spot wisely. Ask too soon, and we’ll think you’re crazy, wait too long and we’ll give you the “things are going better without titles” speech.
Women how do you know when a dude is “the one”? Men how do you evaluate GF status? Let us know!
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The SBM STAFF