Ask The Staff – When Does a man know you’re that special one?

We’re back at it again beautiful people! The good writers on this site wanted to answer more of your questions, so let’s see what we have this week. Today’s Ask the Staff Question is the following:

When does a man know that the woman he is interested in is “girlfriend” material? In other words, when does the light bulb go off saying “I want to make her my GF?”

SBM

Yeah … this one is a tough one.  Not only have I traditionally not been a girlfriend person (besides my one success … had a 5 monther and a 2 monther … that’s it), but I fight it.  I fight and fight and fight the notion of having a girlfriend.  Basically … you just lose the fight.  You try and try to be single, but at some point you just think “I really have to lock this down”.  And if you don’t put up a good and strong fight … the relationship won’t last.  So that’s it … when you lose the fight … it’s a wrap and you can give up your singleness.

Slim

I guess we’re not just talking about after the meganut. Anyways, I can tell pretty quickly if a woman is girlfriend material. Whether she is someone that’s girlfriend material for me is a different question. Rather than putting a specific amount of time on it, it’s easier to say I know she’s right for me (at least at the time) by how she makes me feel on a few levels. Yeah, it’s cool if she fluffs my jawn ego, pounces on me when I walk in the door, or if I wake up to see her enjoying the breakfast sausage. All of those things can still happen in the early and peachy dating phase without it being official. But when I wake up thinking about her, feel that I can share my innermost thoughts with her, and feel inspired to be better because of her, then my mind is made. This can be after a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. I’ve experienced the “this seems right” feeling after all those time periods.

Dr. J

I was just writing my article for BitchieLife.com the other day and spoke on this, for a woman it takes her a few seconds to realize whether she is going to give you the business or not, for a man, we have the same exact power when it comes to girlfriends.  Now, I see that Slim took the route of what would make a chick his girlfriend, but every chick that is girlfriend material may not end up being my girlfriend.  It’s in her aurora, but it’s also up to what that man wants to see.  I think back to college and while being a Jedi Knight, I would always shoot the breeze with the Padawans.  They would spot an upperclassmen and be like, “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, she’s bad. I’m trying to holla.”  And I’d be like, “Nah son, she’s a jumpoff.”  You see, in those cats mind they had never seen something like that before, but for me, I knew her game.  One of those cats would have considered her wifey material from jump, I would consider her “stop, drop, and roll” material.  All this to say, if a man is looking to find a girlfriend then he is liable to spring on the first thing he finds attractive.

Streetz

Good question. Craziest thing is that some men are still trying to figure this out. I believe when a man first sees a woman,  he wonders if based on looks, he would want to make her a GF. Think about it: he wants someone who’s physically attractive, and who people will lowkey envy or compliment him on having good taste. Once you get past the superficial, I believe men do a cost/benefit analysis with the woman to see if her faults outweigh her strengths. We all know women will do certain shyt that will annoy us, and won’t change, so you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to look past that. Then you can focus on the positives (benefits), and whether or not she will “hold you down” in good times and bad (very important for me). Once you add it all up, over time, nothing else to do but pull the trigger and tell all your old jawns that the shop is closed make things official.

The Honorable And Rather Articulate Award Winning RigthCoastLexSteele,

That’s a real hard question to answer because it’s hard to generalize what every man considers qualities that are “wifeable” in a woman. As Dr. J said, one man’s jumpoff may be the love of another man’s life, c’est la vie. Most valuable of all a man’s assets is his time, so I’d have to say a man knows she is girlfriend material if he’s willing to spend most of his time with her without needing to beat her guts in having to sleep with her. If a man is making the conscious decision to spend a significant amount of his time with said woman, it’s clear he’s going to be emotionally invested in her and all the bells and whistles will start going off that she could be the one shortly thereafter. Actually, that’s all bullsh*t. We don’t really know until you ask us. The decision is usually made on the spot, but since we expect you to ask the question within three minutes after the first sexual encounter, we put a little thought into the answer beforehand. Just pick your spot wisely. Ask too soon, and we’ll think you’re crazy, wait too long and we’ll give you the “things are going better without titles” speech.

Women how do you know when a dude is “the one”? Men how do you evaluate GF status? Let us know!

If you want to ask a question, either post it on our FaceBook Page,  or email [email protected], or twitter us… Let us know n sh**!

The SBM STAFF

From Our Partners

  • QueenT

    Ohhh. I like this post!

    Now, when a man decides he wants to make me his girlfriend. I am just assuming that I am the only one. Sometimes, I find that is not the case…just saying. Dont make me your girlfriend if you are gonna still be out there cruisin….

    I usually know after certain key milestones have been reached…after you meet my family…I pretty much hold you in high status..because if I don't bring you around my Grandmother ever…then you aren't the one. If my kids don't know about you…its not happening for you and I. But, typically, if I am spending time with you and making time for you…then you are someone that I am strongly considering…..

    • Teflon Temptress

      "I am just assuming that I am the only one. Sometimes, I find that is not the case…"

      I believe that's "cheatin', lol. I thought the fellas concocted the term "main" for the woman who is the favorite, but not the only.

      Can't keep up with the kids, I tell ya.

  • CHeeKZ Money

    I'm big on trust. The moment I feel like you are no longer trying to keep secrets from me or holding back your real self or not running and telling your friends every detail of our conversation. Plus all the things that you tell me have to add up. If you tell me you haven't had chex in years, than I found out that you had a boyfriend last month. I think that is such an elite quality that people read women lack that it makes you special enough.

    and no fake orgasms.

  • Teflon Temptress

    I also like this topic. I don't know what makes a man want to make a woman his girlfriend or wife…I just know that I don't like floating in the middle in the meantime. I see some men getting the best of both worlds, they lock a woman down with words like "wifey" and "main" but they are still dating/looking/accepting applications while she remains faithful in hopes of moving up to the next level. Whatever path you men take to a committed relationship, just realize that it's not closed on my end until it's closed on yours.

    • Beef Bacon

      Teflon Temptress–I know exactly what you mean….

      I did an experiment with my last bf: after about 2 months of dating, I bluntly told him "well, I am no one's gf, I am single, and although we may be FWB, as long as you respect yourself and me, I see no need to put a title on this, so do you and IMMA DO ME…"

      I guess after he thought it over he came back with this, "but that's not what I want, I don't want YOU seeing other people." LOL.

      I might as well have been a tree that he cocked his leg on….

  • http://www.twitter.com/reefinyateef reefinyateef

    At first I thought this meant "the one" for marriage. But to be a GF? Only a few dates.

    • http://twitter.com/s0_flyy So Flyy

      While I disagree w/ the few dates lol (for my personal life) I do agree I had to go back and read whether or not we were talking about GFs or wives… the fellas' tones were EXTRA-serious on this one. LOL.

  • http://thewhittiest.wordpress.com/ TheWhittiest

    Good morning people! I've been grinding, so no time for commenting lately….but I had to pause for this one.

    I know a guy is breakfast ready, aka worthy of being my boyfriend, when I wake up thinking about him, when I can enjoy my family with him, and when we challenge each other to be better than before. If we share similar values, have fun together, and both want for "us" to be an "us," I can be his lady. It's important that we hold each other down in more ways than one, and that I can grow to be completely comfortable with such a person.

    Basically, when I start taking in consideration a man regarding my daily plans, then I know, perhaps I shall not be single any longer.

  • http://twitter.com/lhautevie Little Miss Sunshine

    I've entered a simple test…. a guy goes from dateable to relationship material when I feel that I can stand to be around him more than 2-3 times a week.

    I'm not an only child but I'm the oldest and far enough apart from my siblings that I had to entertain myself and get comfortable with just being alone- as an adult I've sort of maintained that mentality. If you get to the point when we're dating though and I want you to be near you after a day of work (or rather school now) and I want to cook for you (HUGE)- you've made it.

    Bonus points if you help me do the NYT Crossword on a sunday.

    • SaneN85

      "I’ve entered a simple test…. a guy goes from dateable to relationship material when I feel that I can stand to be around him more than 2-3 times a week."

      This is me to a T.

  • GirlSixx

    My telltale signs that I know I am smitten….. is when I find myself cheezing out of nowhere when I think about him whether something He said or did and I actually do the phone thang and don't mind at all because everyone who knows me know that text/bbm is my preferred means of communication.

  • LaVida2

    women know when he asks.

    if he aint askin', we are not mutually exclusive.

    i think Streetz hit the nail on the head; figuritively speaking; this is exactly how men evaluate wifey material.

    • SaneN85

      That's funny, I questioned Streetz's look at it. As far as I can tell from my observations, looks are not usually the first factor men think of when picking a girlfriend. That's just my observation though. I know y'all will throw it back at me and say that women can't judge what men find attractive, but I can say that some of these women can be confused for attractive by anyone, anywhere.

      • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

        Everyones tastes are requirements are different. if a dude thinks a chick is pretty and shes not, that doesnt change the fact that looks was the first determining factor in the "would she be my GF" sweepstakes.

        Any dude who say looks play no role is lying to you.

        • GirlSixx

          CHeekzMoney: "she let me borrow a stack so I wifed her up so I wouldn’t have to pay her back.”

          Trifling… BUUUT Funny

          *smdhl*

        • CHeeKZ Money

          I feel you but fellas wife chicks up for stupid reasons sometimes. I heard guys say things like “she was there for me when I was down” to “she let me borrow a stack so I wifed her up so I wouldn’t have to pay her back.”

          There is no telling what I particular guy sees in a wifey. Just know that girl brought about some feeling of security that he liked. Streetz could be right… the security maybe in knowing that he wifed good looking girl who he isn’t going to get sick of or clowned about.

  • Hugh Jazz

    When does a man know that the woman he is interested in is “girlfriend” material? In other words, when does the light bulb go off saying “I want to make her my GF?”

    These two questions seem similar, but are different.

    When does a man know a woman is girlfriend material? He could know immediately. While there are some things that most men look for (physically attractive, respectful (to him), intelligent, faithful, etc.), different men are looking for different qualities. Of those qualities all men look for, some may be more important to one man that the next man. We have an idea what we want in a woman, and even if a guy can’t quite articulate what it is, he knows it when he sees it or experiences it. But while you could be girlfriend material, as Dr J stated, it doesn’t mean you’ll be his girlfriend. Which leads to the second question.

    When the “light bulb goes off” has doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with if you’re “’girlfriend’ material”. I’ve stated before that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision. A man can meet a woman, and she can have every quality that he is looking for, but if he’s not ready to put her into girlfriend status, it’s not going to happen. You can look like Meagan Good, cook like Rachel Ray, be as accomplished as Omarosa, duck a sick like Superhead, and be as faithful as Coretta Scott King, and still get passed over if he isn’t to a point in his life where he is ready to give up the game. Often times, to quote the cliché, it literally “isn’t you, it’s me”.

    Sometimes it is literally nothing you can do. No matter what you bring to the table, there are several other women that bring just about everything you do to the table. That’s why it has to be a decision. He has to decide you have the qualities he is looking for, realize you really do care about him to the point that he could see something long-term, and is ready to say, “I need more stability and am willing to give up the others”. So it is part what you bring to the table, part timing, and part choice. This is also why it is so important that a woman asks upfront what a guy is looking for.

    • http://twitter.com/reefinyateef reefinyateef

      Wow, this totally applies to me! Great comment!

    • Chizely

      Truth.

    • DeKeLa

      I was going to comment until I read your email..

      Truth.com

      Ladies, there isn't more to it than what Hugh wrote.

    • GirlSixx

      Hugh: This is also why it is so important that a woman asks UPFRONT what a guy is looking for.

      RCLS: Ask too soon, and we’ll think you’re crazy, wait too long and we’ll give you the “things are going better without titles” speech.

      *sigh*

      What is the timeframe/deadline (in mens' mind) that makes it okay for a woman to ask?

      • Hugh Jazz

        GirlSixx: "What is the timeframe/deadline (in mens’ mind) that makes it okay for a woman to ask?"

        THARAAWRCLS and I are saying two different things.

        Hugh: This is also why it is so important that a woman asks UPFRONT what a guy is looking for.

        This is general. If you have interest in a guy AND you want something long term, you need to ask what he is looking for. This is just feeling out what he wants, and to determine if you are wasting your time if you are looking for something serious.

        RCLS: Ask too soon, and we’ll think you’re crazy, wait too long and we’ll give you the “things are going better without titles” speech.

        This is specific. This has more to do with saying you in particular want to be his girl. No guy will look askance at you for asking if he is looking for something long term, FWB or whatever, when you first meet him. Every guy will do so if you start talking about building a future together after two weeks.

    • Beef Bacon

      I don't know about love being a decision. Maybe the act of Love, but falling in love is different Hugh.

      Certain chemicals are naturally released when you are in love and you have NO control over when those chemicals will come. You can choose to be GOOD to someone and treat him or her well. However, you don't just wake up one day and say, 'today is the day, I am choosing to fall in love with him/her'.

      I think this is how people who know that a certain person may not be good for them—yet the chemicals KEEP them hooked….

      I think The Creator is smarter than that- He had to do something to bond us physically.

      • Hugh Jazz

        Beef Bacon: "I don’t know about love being a decision. Maybe the act of Love, but falling in love is different Hugh. Certain chemicals are naturally released when you are in love and you have NO control over when those chemicals will come."

        That is infatuation, not love. What happens when instead of seeing gumdrops and lollipops, he makes everything turn red like Morris Chestnut in The Best Man? Those chemicals are going to subside. Then what?

        On a perfect day, I know that I can count on you,

        If that's not possible, tell me can you weather a storm?

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7flrKMGfwjw&ob

        • Hugh Jazz

          Beef Bacon: “So not true Hugh. I disagree….the red will only be seen for a moment unless you hold grudges. Do you think people who made relationship/marriages for 10+ years work NEVER SAW THE RED?”

          It is true. You are correct, people in relationship/marriages for 10+ years definitely saw the red, but they made the decision to stay together. Your “brain kicking in” and “evaluating the situation” is the decision making process.

          “In fact….I would think if it was only infatuation, it would be easier to walk away.”

          Which is why the divorce rate is so high. People walk away because they were never in love, they felt they were in love. You have to decide to stay with that person through the rough times.

          “An MRI was done on their brain activity and they released the same hormones new couples released when seeing each other. THAT IS LOVE Hugh.”

          Well, I’m not a neurosurgeon, so I can’t comment on that.

        • Beef Bacon

          So not true Hugh. I disagree….the red will only be seen for a moment unless you hold grudges. Do you think people who made relationship/marriages for 10+ years work NEVER SAW THE RED? That is why it is not about emotions all the time. Your brain has to kick in and evaluate the situation. True love ebbs and flows.

          In fact….I would think if it was only infatuation, it would be easier to walk away.

          I watch too much Discovery TV, but there was a study done on a couple that works together everyday and they had been married 25 years (or something near that) anyway…

          An MRI was done on their brain activity and they released the same hormones new couples released when seeing each other. THAT IS LOVE Hugh.

  • http://twitter.com/s0_flyy So Flyy

    Women how do you know when a dude is “the one”?

    When he can make me forget that I'm taking myself off the market.

    As much as I'd like to be in a loving monogamous relationship with a 'special someone' I know that I have issues, lol. Meaning that no matter how bae I want it, I'll never be able to be the woman who can just take any man who is willing. I guess that's a good thing… therefore I can't settle. I am more like a man than I am usually willing to admit in that aspect. When people start talking relationships and exclusiveness, my mind goes directly to the men I won't be able to date or the man that may pass me by while I'm "with this fool." Usually after the 3rd or 4th date or whenever I sense that he is becoming serious about me, I start to have mini panic-attacks thinking about being w/ him exclusively. Sometimes learning more about him cures it, but most of the time… it doesn't. However, there have been 2 times in my life, where that hasn't happened. That's how I knew that I was ready to be with him exclusively.

  • J

    OK Imma get a little technical hear. I know a women might be girlfriend material if after spending the entire weekend at my house…I want her to stay another night. LOL. See I am an introvert and the average female gets on my nerves after about two days. After two days I want time to myself. But with a few select women I have actually wanted them to stay longer which always suprises me. Technical explaination: What it means is that I am so comfortable with them that I don't adjust my personality in ways that make me uncomfortable and tire me out. So I know she has potential. (For more information see Karl Yung, Isabell Meyers and Katherine Briggs)

    • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

      This is huge!! [||] great comment. I think the level of annoyance being minimal is an important factor

      • CHeeKZ Money

        Women have no clue how annoying they are when you don't love them….

        Sometimes they think all we want is chex and that is why we treat them a certain way. Its after we hit..THEY GET SO DARN ANNOYING! Its not that I only wanted chex, but after I got it I realized I don't like you as much and I was only thinking with my peen. Sorry.

  • Beef Bacon

    how do you know when a dude is “the one”?

    When I was younger, I am not sure, I think I was dooped into the two serious relationships I had (one got me after a year of celibacy and the other was a rebound from the previous one I spoke of…lol) smh thinking about that ish now.

    Anyway, after some maturing I learned to WAIT it out. People become themselves somewhere around year two; If he still gives me the butterfly stomach at least 75% of the time after that….I'm in!

    I have learned that I prefer to be in a monogamous relationship so although I may try to NOT get into a relationship—iCan't. Even when I only wanted a FWB, dude always try to lock me down eventually.

    Waiting is KEY for me….this separates the boys from the MEN!

    • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

      After 2 years you tryna wait to be monogomous? 2 years?! Ms Bacon, your a man babay! lmaooo

      • Beef Bacon

        Streetz-

        I have options and I will explore them, since I don't have chex with everyone I date, this is easy to do.

        If I have "one" in mind that I may want to get serious with, to keep from jumping the gun, I keep distractions around.

        • Chizely

          I looove the way you think! *takes notes* I could see this method backfiring if not implemented carefully and correctly…

  • LiteBriteGuy

    I know this is going to sound funny, but I usually know if I want to make a woman my girlfriend is when I dont mind if her breath stinks. I absolutely abhor bad breath. It doesn't matter if she looks like Jill Marie Jones, if her breath is a smidget off its a no go.

    With my current girlfriend, I realized it when I was leaving to go to work. While she was barely awake, I tried to kiss her goodbye. She said " I haven't brushed my teeth yet" and I told her I didn't care. We kissed and on my way out the door I said to myself " I guess I have a girlfriend now."

    • Beef Bacon

      LMAO! Awwww that is so sweet!

    • SaneN85

      Awwww, that's cute.

      Anywho, welcome!

    • Berriblk

      Oh wow. I'm the same way. I hate bad breath and everyone seems to have it, but the one guy who didn't…I knew I wanted to be with. Maybe his breath did smell, but it didn't to me and thats what really mattered.

  • CPT Callamity

    A lot of women I know say that I'm picky…and they are right, mainly because I'm not picking them. Here's the thing: A GF to me has to be cool…almost the same cool as when I'm out with my homies but I know that she isn't like all others. There is the hard part and the part I explain to a lot of chicks. If you can't separate yourself from the other dozens of women that I meet and do the "getting to know you shuffle" with, then you will stay as a friend or be moved into one of those other categories aside from GF.

    I'm sort of like SBM, my "relationships" with a lot of women turns out to be very short lived, and it's not because "I'm not willing to fight to make it work." It shouldn't be work just to feel comfortable and relaxed with someone and I shouldn't have to fight just to be happy. I also shouldn't be coerced into taking a woman as a gf just because she's feeling me and is willing to hang around to see what I can give and do for her. I guess I take it a bit more serious than some but "the one" just feels right without all the other nonsense.

    • Lil'E

      I agree with your overall point that sometimes it just feels right and you have to act on that. But I disagree with the idea that "I shouldn't have to fight to be happy." I mean honestly, are you happy with every aspect of your life? I believe that in everyone's life, relationships included, there are things that make us unhappy. You can do nothing (walk away) or you can get your butt in gear and make it happen. You're not happy with your body, go to the gym. Not happy with your job, dust off your resume. Not happy with you're SO, start working it out together. Happiness is NEVER served on a silver platter, and if you don't fight to be happy, you continuously play (and are) the victim #nobueno.

      (Disclaimer: some relationships aren't worth fighting for, I admit. But some are.)

      • Beef Bacon

        ! THIS! Happiness is a personal choice. If something external is making you unhappy, you have to decide internally to be happy. The choices you make after the unhappiness will make or break a relationship. If dude is continuously doing something to annoy me, I have to decide if he’s worth putting up with and if so, my reaction to this annoyance is critical.

        I cannot put my happiness on someone/something else.

        IMO, in order for the relationship to make it through those unhappy times, both have to have a mindset of WORKING IT OUT.

        Deal breakers do not count—you hit me or get another chick preggo—DEUCES immediately!

  • new2natural

    This is a great question! I usually know if he's the BF for me if he allows me to be myself completely. I tend to be out there on some interests and thoughts, I change my mind a lot, talk fast, think fast, etc and usually willing to experiment or try something new, so if a guy can roll with all that and let me do me without the negativity, eye-rolling (in my presence), or just negative, then I know he's the one. Also, if I can't wait to tell him something, no matter how random or whatever and he listens like it really interests him, LOL. For me, it's more about our interaction.

    Other times, it may be a single event that made me look at him deeper or more seriously toward him being my BF potential.

    I agree with Slim on whether they are the one FOR ME. I've known/met/friends with BF material, but just not for me.

  • Chizely

    I think its fairly simple (assuming that people are honest & not frontin') to realize when someone is boo material. Well at least it has been in my experience. The problem which has ultimately led to the down fall of said relationships is, distinguishing between "the new exciting feeling of getting to know someone new" confused with "I want to be in a relationship". I've had the feeling of actually being excited about being in a relationship once, but that got old after a while. So when I figure this out, I'll get back to yall…

    I'm not sure if I believe that when I find that "one" or one of the "ones" I'll know. I discussed this with one of my friends, and he thinks that he'll know for sure when she has been found *shrugs*

  • SaneN85

    Also can I just say that Jennifer is the one that got the ring. It was only her unwillingness to have children that made her lose it. Angelina has never gotten ring but has given him what he wanted, children (and lots of them bishes). #thatisall

    • Beef Bacon

      Maybe AJ lips helped him make up his mind. Wait-they aren't married?

      • GirlSixx

        BeefBacon: Maybe AJ lips helped him make up his mind.

        *LMAO*

        Word!!!!!

        But you can't even be mad about that *shrug*

      • SaneN85

        It was AJ's ovaries, although I'm sure the lips helped make up for the fact that she hasn't eaten since 2007.

        Nope, not married.

        • Beef Bacon

          OH WOW! Didn't know ovaries were that hot of a commodity….lol.

          Maybe it WAS her ovaries since they INSIDE her…..LOL!

    • GirlSixx

      I thought they were married (secretly)?????

  • lurker

    I don't really believe that out of the 6B+ there is a "special one" but whatev…

    For me the most important thing when it comes to the ring its simply does she understand what is marriage? I mean seriously does she understand that sharing the rest of your life (40+ years) with someone else WILL NOT BE ALL F@#$ING CLOUDS AND RAINBOWS.

    This is i think what lots of people under-estimate. You will grow old, gain weight, loose your freedom, regret having kids, stop having sex, give up some of your ambitions, may have to deal w/ infidelity or the fear of it….But at the end of it, you'll be proud of your life and really understand what love and commitment really means.

    There is no real way I would truly know, but generally her parents' relationship will give you a hint.

  • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally

    For my serious relationships, there wasn't any concrete, quantifiable thing that made me think he was boyfriend certified. I've found its the total sum of the individual that makes me think 1.) I would like to have him as my man, and 2.) I would love to be his lady. Sure, there are things that I look for in men in general, but if we are already dating, then he most likely already possesses at least some of those qualities. So then, the step to boo status is more about comfort and security, honor and respect. Does his total package make me feel those things when I'm with him?

  • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

    RCLS dropped a gem up top. Pause!! re-read class!

    • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally

      Just read Right Coast's response. Yep, he spits hot fiyah.

    • Hugh Jazz

      THARAAWRCLS: "I’d have to say a man knows she is girlfriend material if he’s willing to spend most of his time with her without needing to beat her guts in having to sleep with her."

      This is truth. This is why I didn't refer to anything $exual in my comment. Don't get me wrong, $ex is important, but there's the other 95% of the time to think about too.

    • Beef Bacon

      Sounds like everything is contingent upon HIS answer…and that is a problem for me.

      I TOO have to decide if I even want to be serious with him before I bring it up. And if I miss that time frame and get into the no title zone—I WANT that too.

      Faith said it best – “Just because I let you get sum, that don't make you the one…..”

      When I was young, I did as a youngster does. Now, he has to earn his way into my bed and heart. That is not easy. A relationship/marriage is serious business and not to be chalked up to "emotions" only. 'Feeling" good is not all it takes to make it work. That is why so many fail I think.

      There are too many things to take into consideration. However, I have seen where following your heart alone gets you…the brain needs to jump in, in order for a mathematical decision to be made.

      Not a perfect science but keeps me happy knowing I have somewhat of a plan; the detours keep it fun.

  • Jay

    IF I HAVE TO REALYZE, CONCEPTUALIZE, RATIONALYZE, ANALYZE, FANTACYZE & MENTALLY EXCERCIZE WHETHER SHE IS GF OR WIFE MATERIAL…. SHE AIN'T IT (AND VICE VERSA)!!!

    I KNOW WHEN THE STEAK AND LOBSTER IS COOKED RIGHT…. I DON'T HAVE TO BE THE CHEF!!! :-)

    I KNOW IT'S A CLICHE…BUT… "YOU JUST KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT"!!!!

  • http://codecipher.blogspot.com MeteorMan

    How do I know if I want to make a woman my GF? Hmm… I must say, different things tipped me off for all of my past GFs. But for me to even be able to recognize such things, I had to be in the mind set of wanting (or more accurately stated, don't mind having) a GF. One sign is for me to actually CARE about the person. It takes me a while to develop emotional bonds with people. There are some women I liked to spend time with who were great people, but wouldn't be sad if they fell off the earth.

    People are like puzzle pieces, each bring a a different piece of the bigger picture. And some pieces don't fit. If I feel you helped me to see more, and we connect without force, then I'll just ask to make it official.

    @Beef,
    To reduce Love to images seen in an fMRI scan really doesn't do love justice at all. I'm probably more science driven than most and even I can say "so what…" to the "love" study. I do recognize your response was geared towards Hugh though so I forgive you. lol

    I think Hugh was saying that one must choose to love. Meaning one must choose to be open for the uncontrollable emotional events you were describing.

    Beauty is a manifestation of meaning, purpose and imperfections. Love is the shadow of beauty. A state of mind stuck in the constant realization of that beauty.

    • Beef Bacon

      I should clarify that I am very aware that love isn't all chemicals. I agree with Hugh to some degree. I however think the chemicals have to be taken into consideration as well as the choices. Some people let the chemicals over-ride a choice they should make.

      I understand what you are saying about the beauty – I once read that a relationship will have a greater chance of lasting as long as at least one of the partners idealizes the other (even if reality says otherwise).