Watch this video:
In the seventh grade, I thought I had found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. We held hands at every possible moment. We went out on dates to the movies, we went out to dinner, we even hung out over each others’ houses. Our parents dropped us off to do all this, but still in our minds we were madly in love. We had been dating for a year, when I found out that she would not be returning in the 8th grade, she was moving to another country with her family. I was devastated. We held each other, trying to emulate what we saw on some television show or movie. I wonder if my mother didn’t want me watching 90210 or Party of Five so that I would actually understand those emotions instead of acting them out because I saw them on TV. We broke up, she moved away and I quickly forgot about her when it was time for school to start in the fall, I did what most boys do, I blocked it out of my head and moved on to the new girl in school. Two or three years later I was at a friend’s house for a party and there she was. But at this time, I wasn’t happy, I was happy, but I was also upset. She never even told me that she had returned. Why was that? I felt hurt and betrayed. She said something like, “Well I had heard you moved on, so I figured that you didn’t care.” We argued, because I still called, wrote letters and even considered coming to visit. At that age, I thought that was what heartbreak was, to have something, and for it to be taken away from you, or to have something, and for it to lie to you. Not only lie to you, but lie to your face.
At 15, I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. I would soon find myself in my most serious relationship from high school, and I think back to her, but today, my opinion of love is much different than it was on that day. It’s changed dramatically. I used to think that I was wired differently than most men. I was always trying to find love at a young age. I blame 90210, Party of Five and Friends for that too. Yeah, judge me on the shows that I liked, Living Single was freaking depressing. All those chicks were either single or in f*cked up situations except for the two weirdest people on the show. I wasn’t about to be weird to not be single. And then one day, I met a girl and I thought I had found perfection.
(Editor note: I’m going to be real for a minute and tell you that I’m currently thinking of ways to write this post so that none of my friends know who I’m talking about because I do not want to hear about this sh*t today.)
She wasn’t perfect to everyone, she was perfect to me. She had her imperfections, but I thought she was everything that I wanted in a girl. I swear I chased that girl for two years. It’s probably more accurate to say, I chased her for about a year and then spent another year trying to get her to clarify this bullsh*t ass phrase, “I think we’re better as friends.” Somewhere in that second year, the fever broke. I pledged, and well as they say, “College days swiftly pass…” I had my fun. But I didn’t have the heart to love anymore. To borrow a line from one of my favorite movies, “This part of my life is called, “And today, not a single f*ck was given.”
You see when she breaks your heart, you should just rip it out and give it to her. It’s never going to be the same. You may love again. You may convince yourself that you love again. But men, we just don’t work that way. After that initial heartbreak, we look for a girlfriend, wifey, a wife, or mother to our children. But you’ll hear very few men say “the love of my life” and actually mean it. I’m clear, a man will only get one chance to truly be deeply in love with a woman. So yes, that’s my advice, rip out your heart and give it to that girl who breaks your heart because it’s never going to be the same again. Think about it like sex, sex is great, but it’s nothing like virgin sex.
She’s going to take your self-esteem. She’ll disturb you emotionally. Some men won’t admit to crying, but they might admit to being emotionally disturbed. When you love someone, it doesn’t go away the second that person tells you that they don’t love you. It stays there and it takes a long time to deal with those feelings. Like it was said in the video, you’ll never get over her, and the proof is, because you’ll always compare everyone after her to her. So if you’re wondering who that girl is for you, it’s that one that you compare everyone else to. It’s that one that your friends say, “That was 9 years ago, man!” It’s her.
We all do some things that we’re not proud of in this time. We make promises that we won’t keep, we hurt the people who care for us when we don’t care for ourselves. We lose the ability to care. We’re emotionally drained, we’re heartless. That’s why this video means so much to me. Because I feel that every man goes through it. The men who will tell you they’ve never had their heartbroken are lying or they’re waiting. Don’t date a guy who’s heart hasn’t been broken in. Their heart is like a glow stick, it doesn’t shine the right way until it’s broken. He’ll end up with two alternatives for women, either he finds the one that he thinks fills all his requirements for a wife, or the one that he doesn’t want to let go because he doesn’t see another one like her coming.
Of course that ex will have control over him forever, and that’s okay. We’re adults we can deal with those people in our lives. In my personal situation it took me a long time to create a long list of reasons why I never wanted to be with her anymore. And at this point in my life, while I think she’s a great girl, I realize that she’s not for me, “we’re better as friends.” I know I’m not alone in this feeling, there’s support for us. I wrote a poem in college called, The Miseducation of the Freshman, and in it I talked about the anger. I got a lot of claps and snaps from the crowd, so I know that somebody feels me. This isn’t regulated to just men, a lot of women have situations like this and they move on to be different. I said earlier that there’s no way a man hasn’t had his heartbroken, I’ll take that back. It’s like the addiction gene, if you don’t have it, then you don’t have it. You’re better for it. I don’t have it, I fall in love and sometimes I have to deal with the compromise that “we’re better as friends,” but I move on. I grow into a man who learns to live outside of infatuations or the inferred reality of now. And in my mind, I think I’m stronger… wiser… I’m better, much better.
Yeah, this moves me too, so for you who want to listen to it right now, here’s that link: httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWrGjzBheno&ob=av2nm