Home Ignorance Ten Things Black Folk Need To Change Right Away – Leading By Example

Ten Things Black Folk Need To Change Right Away – Leading By Example

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""Rosa sat, so Martin could walk, so Obama could run."

“I want to talk to you about morals. The morals of the young people today is going to get them in big trouble. I’m telling you, because they act like they don’t know the difference between right and wrong. And this is the truth. And see, one of the reasons is the parents. The parents are not taking care of their children. They are not telling them the difference between right and wrong. But then… [Aunt May, Aunt April both roll their eyes and turn to leave]  Wait, now. No, no, no. No, ma’am. You have to listen. Because part of the responsibility is the children’s, because this is *their* lives. It’s not their mama’s or their papa’s. I’m telling you, they have to think for themselves. Even if their mama and papa didn’t do something about them. Girl, look, the children have to think and try their best to come on up, come on up.” – Aunt June

As we continue our series, I would like to bring attention to the need for us to lead by example and strengthen our future.  We’ve got to show our future how to act, and the best way to do that is to show them that we are dedicated to the betterment of ourselves as well.  Today’s points are:

4.       Monkey see, Monkey do [Pun Intended] – I’m never going to stop saying this, most Black people didn’t even know what Barack Obama stood for even as they were casting their votes for him.  They voted for him because they heard all the other Black people they rolled with was voting for him.  Somewhere in Black America we’ve lost individuality, we’ve become one of the most homogenous races on the planet because we suffer from groupthink.  We are so afraid to say, “That doesn’t make sense to me, and I disagree.” Do you remember back in the day how everyone wore Jordans?!  Provided you could afford them, the whole school had Jordans.  Fiscally speaking, Jordans and Nintendo video games were the worst invention in the hood.  I’ll tell you why, people lived in the projects but managed to have several versions of the same shoe.  Myself, (I was middle-class so, lol) I had the white-black, blue-grey, red-black, and then the all black Jordans … and that just didn’t make any sense.  And as it pertains to Nintendo games, my best friend bought it, so I went and bought it too.  Never mind, that we always played the game together, we needed two copies, and here’s the thing, I didn’t even like the stupid ass game.  I hope someone understands this analogy.

5.       The Way We Raise Our Children – I almost got my ass killed for having an intellectual conversation with my parents about whippings.  I ain’t do nothing that a white kid would do like call the cops or say, “F*ck you dad!” I’m still here ain’t I?  But my point was this, “Doesn’t it seem a little odd that white people don’t beat their kids and they grow up to be very successful in life?  Black people look down on the way white people raise their kids, but aren’t they yielding results?  They are cussing out their parents and getting accepted to Ivy League schools.  Meanwhile, whipping Jerome still didn’t help him, and now he’s looking at a G.E.D. and trade school.  And don’t you think that slapping your child in the head every time they do something wrong is a little off?  That can cause concussions and even Parkinson’s disease over a long period of time.  I’m sure you’re not hitting me that hard, but let’s see, you’re not hitting me “that hard” from the time I’m two until I turn seventeen?” My mother waited for a few minutes, then proceeded to beat my ass.  The problem was, I dropped some deep sh*t, but I also had one of the most ignorant Progress Reports in the history of DCPS.  I had the conversation with my mother later and she agrees … somewhat.

6.       Refusing to look in the mirror – I’m not trying to mess with my own promotion, but let me be real with you for a second.  The reason why these sex, dating and relationships blogs are so popular is because it’s a writer talking about what’s wrong in the opposite sex and a reader saying, “That isn’t true.”  It’s a perfect give and take relationship, and with comment sections, it goes VIRAL.  A Black man can tell you why Black women are single, but when asked why he’s single, “I can’t find anyone to date.”  But this extends itself across the entire race on many subjects.  We are never looking in the mirror at our graduation rates and unemployment rates, we make excuses and blame institutionalized racism to justify our faults.  There is a lack of self-examination in the community and it’s killing us.  I was telling my younger frat brother the other day, it’s not about screaming at our college chapter when things go wrong, it’s about how have I contributed to this problem, how can I be a better mentor to a younger brother?  We’d love to be perfect and thus we strive for it, unfortunately we are not, so self-examination is the only way to get there.

Hope I didn’t lose too many folks this week.  To be continued…
Thoughts? 

Comment(92)

  1. I hear what you are saying… but these problems aren't specific to black people.

    Group Mentality is prevalent amongst all community of like minded indivdiuals (blacks buying Jordans, Whites getting a tan, Asians never opening their eyes.) There are many more examples across the races. 80% of US spending is on consumer products.

    There is nothing wrong with discipline and let's be real, our non-Melanin friends DO beat their kids, just because of few don't, doesn't mean they all follow that "timeout" mantra. Being able to recognize opportunities and taking advantage of situations on behalf of their kids, is something more minority parents should do. But this is also a result of awareness.

    Looking in the mirror and self-reflection. Something ALL people should strive to do everyday.

    1. I'm not talking about white people, so it doesn't matter if the problem doesn't only apply to Black people. You feel me? It's like my father used to tell me, "I don't care what the other kids at your school do, everybody else ain't my son."

      1. Sorry for the delay, computer issues.

        I do hear the issues and understand you. Your wording made it seem like these problem plague the black community because we aren't as wise as our counterparts. Solutions will not come from the black community, but from the community as a whole and we need to holistically solve it.

    2. I'm gon ahead and agree w/ DeKeLa on that beating your kids point. We say it cuz it's funny but there are a lot of non-melanin or melanin challenged folks who haul a$$ on their kids or at least raise them in a stricter environment. And for lil Johnny who didn't get whupped but still made it Ivy League… good for him. Some kids have the fortitude to grow up w/o structure and still do well. Jerome may not have that… and therefore he was gon end up at trade school any-dam-ways. I'm not gon try to risk my kids livelihood by try to see if they need to beat… beat first, observe later. Lol. If they recognize REAL they won't get whupped that often. Lol.

    3. I hear you DeKeLa, however, once BLACKS stop worrying about what other groups are doing, we will be MUCH BETTER OFF.

      Every time someone says something about what is affecting the black community, someone else takes our accountability away by bringing in 'others'.

      Since integration, this has been to our detriment. We are not like everyone else…and that is VERY evident.

      WE should focus on our own issues. Yes, I said we because make no mistake, our issues have not and will never be fixed by ANYONE ELSE!

      Furthermore, you can't clean up the world without first cleaning your own house.

        1. Yes! Biggest problem in the black community is that there is no black community….we so busy tryin to be part of the next mans community instead of buildin our own.

    4. You know what is a problem that is almost exclusive to black people? Single parenthood. Do you know what is almost exclusive to single parenthood? Child abuse. If you want to talk about social groups, then obviously have entered the world of generalities. It's totally impossible to even begin to talk about race without entering the realm of generalities. What is race? To some it's a social construct that is otherwise completely meaningless. To others it is just a isolated breeding populations by natural barriers to copulation that used to exist, but now exist more in a social context. Whatever… we're talking about generalities though… so shut up about how these problems aren't unique to blacks. When 72% of black children are born to single mothers and for white children, that is down in the low 20%, I think it's pretty safe to say that we have a serious social norm problem within an isolated racial group.

      If you truly believe there is nothing wrong with corporal punishment, then you're just ignorant to the facts. It's not an opinion anymore. Hitting children, regardless of how hard or where, creates serious and extreme psychological disorders later in life and is highly correlated to antisocial behavior. Children learn by example and hitting children teaches them that violence is an acceptable means of conflict resolution, as opposed to reasoning from universal principles or empathetic understanding… which is fundamentally what all of society is founded upon. If you merely stop hitting children, you suddenly create a society of non-violent interaction and mutual cooperation. It's people who perpetuate evil in society.

  2. I definitely disagree. For #4, trends are trends and you are talking about style and a video game. I think the problem is not that we are NOT individual enough but that we are NOT collective enough. We should care more about the wellbeing and spirits of our fellow brothers and sisters (we) instead of focusing on "me, me, me" & the accumulation of material/tangible/depreciating goods.

    For #5…you can't be serious. Well I agree about parents flipping out and popping their kid everytime they move or do something a kid is supposed to do. I've seen this happen (on the train…lol) and wonder WTH is supposed to be the point. Discipline should have purpose and be consistent.

    Anyway, we all know there is a never ending list of reason why "Chip" still makes it to Harvard despite never being disciplined. I hate to go all "it's the system" on you but "it's the system." This is NOT to say that we (Blk folks) can't function in this system, but from the school system, to criminal justice system, to the health care system, to our economic history we have seen (and still can see) the prevalence of unfair treatment.

    That should not be a crutch or excuse but is still something to remain aware of. I actually think that recognizing this/being aware of it can help us be better prepared to overcome adversity within these systems.

    1. @Tea

      I don't know if you can really disagree with #4. Monkey see, monkey do is an epidemic in our neighborhoods. I think that everyone subscribes to the ideology that it takes a community to raise a child. However, what is each member of that community doing to make themselves a better member of that community. I hate when Black people say we need to come together, but fail to realize if we came together some of our teams would look like the Cleveland Cavaliers.

      Additionally, I rebuke any claims of this system. The system is a matrix and it can be manipulated. Explain Obama and then come back to that system argument. However, the overlying point is that no matter how much you put hands on your children, it doesn't really translate into success in life.

      1. I believe the whole monkey see monkey do thing, fads, and trends is an American popular culture (and subculture) kind of thing. Materialism is too. And, the individualism that is wrapped up in all that.

        I'm not into sports. lol. I thought they beat L.A.? Idk. I don't mean literally come together. lol. And when I say collective, I don't mean we all have to think be alike. I mean having a sense of commitment to each other…like you said, each member of the community better themselves—But that's never an alone process. There are some that come before and some come after. As long as you recognize who came before, who helped you and have a helping hand out to others to pass that "help", mentoring, guidance along, then I think that's having a sense of the collective and community.

        It's easy to explain a systems argument when the statistic on statistics says we have not had equal opportunities equal…even the percentage of black presidents. Again, I'm not saying this should be used for an excuse to sit and do nothing, but a reality we have to recognize, use to motivate us, and move forward from.

  3. How We Raise Our Children-You think white people aren't beating their kids? Have you ever watched Super Nanny…all that British woman does is go around to mostly white families helping them to get their kids in order…and they are beating their kids..which Super Nanny does not recommend, but its going on….and the other point to this, white kids are killing their parent's they have went beyond cuss outs….that's a fact.

    Monkey See Monkey Do – I do kinda agree with this point, I wish Monkey would see that other Monkey going to college and try and go to…but, it never goes like that…it's always material things Monkey wants isn't it? I do wish we could get beyond labels and designer this and that….and look at what the not so popular Monkey's are doing…and copy that.

    Look In The Mirror – I also agree with this, Mentorship is very important…I work with kids myself..and they are in need of our support…. and I do hate when folk try and blame "the system" and "the man" all the time…it is getting redundant at this point. Make a move. Make a difference.

    Good Post Dr. J.

  4. Good post. 

    Groupthink is a major problem in the black community. Goodness gracious! But like one commentator stated every community deals with that so I guess that makes it ok **shrugs**

    I am not 100 percent sure on if we should eliminate whippings altogether. I grew up getting them and I would like to think that that contributed to making me who I am today and how I was as a child. I didn't do A LOT of things due to fear of getting my butt whooped. I believe it help keep me in check. However, I've seen other kids get whippings (really beatings) and those kids got pregnant early, in jail and etc. I've also seen kids not get whippings and have nothing going for themselves. I think for each child it's different. Parents, especially black parents, should consider practicing a more diverse way of discipline and parenting. Don't just beat a child for every wrongdoing because eventually they'll become immune to it. Punish them in different ways and explain what is right and wrong. 

    1. It's not about whether violence changes behavior. Clearly it does. In society, as adults, we all agree under a social contract that we will not resolve conflicts between individuals through violence. We agree a legal system that was designed (okay… reformed) to protect the rights of everyone equally. Hitting children reinforces to them that violence is an acceptable form of conflict resolution, plain and simple. Adults who were hit as children are more violent.

      If your wife disobeys you, is it acceptable to give her a wooping? What about your husband? If he doesn't behave exactly to your specifications, do you smack him in the face? Is this acceptable behavior? So why then, do you say that hitting your children for disobedience is not only acceptable, but praiseworthy? What kind of insane backwards logic is this? Children ought to be treated with the same amount of respect and dignity as any other human being on this planet… and even more so considering children have absolutely no power within the parent-child relationship.

      Physically abusing the most powerless and helpless members of the family is considered praiseworthy in the black community… think about that… just really let that sink in.

  5. Hmmm…not sure where to begin.

    I don't think beatings determine the success rate of your child. There are plenty of white people (who's parents didn't beat them) who are drug addicts and lack education as well. Let's examine why it's pretty much ingrained in the minds of black people that beatings are okay…it roots back to slavery. Blacks learned that in order to have control and get someone to do what you want them to do…you beat them.

    I agree with the "monkey see monkey do" theory and "looking in the mirror", but as SoFlyy and DeKeLa said its not exclusive to black people.

    *sighs* It would be nice to see a post about what "we" do right. Pointing out what's "wrong" and not listing any solutions isn't any better than the people who engage in these activities.

    1. @Lalabakir

      I want to reply here for good reason. I've written several posts about what Black people do right and bigging up Black people. However, it's just not in folks memory to remember them. That's simple memory retention. If you think about it, you can probably remember a time when someone said something that really hurt your feelings, really bad. But if I asked you to tell me about a time someone said something that really uplifted you, it would take you longer to find that memory. It's okay, these posts are about change. It's not going to be about the things Black people do right. In my opinion, we've gotten so used to being told we're doing just fine, that we lack self-examination of the H.A.Ms. that we can be at times.

      1. I understand you're point.

        However, from the time that I've been reading until now…I can honestly say that I haven't read any of those posts you are talking about. So for a reader who is in my shoes (becoming a reader of SBM late in the game) we may have missed those posts biggin up black people. It then appears that these "type" (and I use that word loosely) of posts are written more than others.

        1. No, don't back down now. I want to send you the links so that you can say, dag I didn't realize that they actually do produce some posts in favor of Black people. You said it would be nice as if you never see it. So you would say 6 months, or 9 months you've been reading SBM? This is commenter accountability at this point.

      2. Umm, who's backing down?

        I never said the posts didn't exist. There were no absolute words used in my comments. I didn't say I NEVER see any posts biggin up black people. I said it would be nice to see one, meaning I…me…has not seen any of these posts (that would be the commenter accountability you're reffering to b/c I once more, I never said they didn't exist…I just have yet to read one). Perhaps I'm reading on the wrong days.

  6. OK, this was a great thought-provoking post. I agree with most points.

    #4- I agree with this, kinda. It's groupthink for things that are mostly negative, not beneficial to us (consumerism), or not perceived to be beneficial to us (marriage). It's more individualistic regarding education (in the black community that should not be a choice not to be educated), becoming a productive citizen/starting a family, aspiring for more beyond what the "black community" deems as acceptable.

    #5- I'm all for corporal punishment, however, I disagree with this done in anger or frustration. I also think it should be based on the individual child, offense, and should not be the first option. I'm for discipline, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a spanking, unless the circumstances deem it necessary.

    As far as comparing that to how WP raise their children, yes, a lot of them get spankings too. The ones who don't and still go to an Ivy-league college- who's to say that they got there honestly? I know plenty of White kids who got into good schools and not because of their grades either…it was because of their parents' connections.There's plenty of Black kids who didn't get spankings either and they are high school dropouts. Plus, there's SOOO much more to this argument than whether a spanking helped or hindered a kid from getting into a good school. Many other factors are at play with that, so that's not a fair comparison at all. But, I digress…if anything this point should have focused more on spending more time with your child and getting more involved with their education. That's more of a telling factor than a spanking.

    #6- I agree and we gotta do better.

  7. Monkey See, Monkey Do – I have been having this conversation all week with both of my sons (Agest 17 and 15) they feel like social outcasts because I won't let them get tattoos. Everyone else on the varsity basketball team is tatted up but them.

    I caught my 15 year old lying to some girl on twitter that he has a tat, so I told him to stop lying on twitter and he blocked me. (Granted it should have been a private message but damn!) I'm saving them from themselves. When they are old enough to make an informed decision, maybe tat's won't even be all the rage any longer?!

    The way we raise our children? I hate hitting my sons, matter of fact at 6'5 and 6'3 I don't hit them anymore. I mean really, what's the point? But you have to check these kids and we did it enough when they were little so that we don't have to do it now that they're grown. Sorry but I still believe in spare the rod and spoil the child. They're both honor roll students, so I think we made it past the GED stage.

    Refusing to look in the mirror – Honestly, I mentor very regularly, it's exhausting – but at least I'm proactive.

    1. You should show them how 50 Cent has gotten them all removed because they interfere with his acting.

      Lil Wayne could make twice the money he makes but he can't do any acting gigs with all that silly crap on his face.

    2. Good Post J.

      But @RedLady specifically, as an FYI and as someone who has damn near 20 tattoos myself, I'd say that you might need a different approach for the 17 year old fairly soon. Only because – and IDK where you're from – but most places allow kids to get tattoos at 18 with or without parental consent. I got one on my birthday and my parents were none too please.

      il Duce made a good point with the 50 Cent example, except for the fact that 50 Cent is pretty much no longer relevant so I'm not sure they'll relate.

      What my father did, although after the fact, was implore that I never get 'visible' tattoos. e.g. anything that extends beyond the short sleeve line, neck, face, etc. etc. He also provided sound reasons (career, job, future) and we had a frank discussion about why I wanted them and my motivations. Additionally, although he by no means 'encouraged' me he did say if I was going to get tattoos to at least be safe and get quality tattoos from a licensed professional at a clean, sanitized shop. I mean there comes at point where you cant stop them anymore, and you dont want them running off to get a tattoo in someone's basement. Then they have a crappy tattoo AND a disease.

      Anyway, I think this will be something they'll be able to relate to and something they can carry forward. Granted, not sure if that's a convo you want to have with your sons. I know my mom never would have. She likes SOME of my tats but still doesnt understand why I have them and lets me know every chance she gets.

      For the record, even to this day I dont have any tattoos I cant cover up with a Polo. So my father's breakdown must have worked. Hope I dont come off as 'preachy' because Im sure these are things you've considered. But I know I'm going to have this conversation with MY kids (assuming I have any) one day and it'll be even harder to explain why they cant have tattoos when I have 20 – and probably more by then. So this will more than likely be the path I'll take. …my two 1/2 cents, not that you asked. lol

      PS…I doubt tattoos will wane in popularity anytime soon, and def not in the next 1 – 2 years. If anything they're at the height of their popularity.

      1. Thanks for the reply. I have already had that conversation with them. My oldest is going to get a tat the MINUTE he turns 18, I don't think I can stop him. He said that he will only get them where they won't affect his job or career choices.(He's actually quite conservative) arms (upper shoulder) chest, back etc. None of that NECK crap — I saw a kid in the mall yesterday and OMG he looked like a straight up FOOL, but I digress.

        You have raised a concern for me however. There is a tattoo artist that is the older brother of one of the kids on the basketball team. He seems to be the go-to guy for tats at the high school. Any time someone says they're going to spend the night a Mica's house, you can guarantee they're coming home w/a tat the next day. You now have me petrified about diseases. (basement tattoos).

        1. First off, let me apologize to the homie Dr. J for distracting from the intent of this post. lol But tattoos are my thing! My bad dawgggg

          @RedLady: "You have raised a concern for me however. There is a tattoo artist that is the older brother of one of the kids on the basketball team. He seems to be the go-to guy for tats at the high school. Any time someone says they’re going to spend the night a Mica’s house, you can guarantee they’re coming home w/a tat the next day. You now have me petrified about diseases. (basement tattoos)."

          Let me clarify. I've gotten tattoos from a guy without a traditional chop. Quality tattoos. He worked in a shop before but he went into business for himself.

          If this guy has been doing tattoos with no ill results, your son should be fine. What I meant is the basement artist who dont clean their needles or dont use a needle EACH AND EVERY time, etc. A tattoo artist can be perfectly professional and work from home (just like any other profession). The quality of their work speaks volume. If you're interested, he should have a portfolio. I would (or have your son) view this first. I dont care how many people have given him props via "word of mouth" I want to see his work for myself. That's just me.

          As a side note, there are lots of crappy tattoo artist that work in shops too so really hte key is to find someone who's professional. A simple conversation should suffice, especially the first time. He (or she) should be able to tell you where he gets his needs, how they clean and prepare them, etc. This conversation might not be "cool" but neither is having your arm amputated from an infection because you didnt ask the right questions or you wanted a "hook up". And yes, I've seen this happen.

        2. @WIM, I have seen his work and I do know him personally. He is a pretty good artist and also works in colors, but I do think I should have a conversation about where he gets his needs and do tattoo artists use autoclave? Or is that just piercing.

          I know my sons probably can't stand the fact that their mama at least TRIES to stay current — but the reason why I do is so that I can talk to and relate to them. I mean c'mon SBM? Really? I've been married for 19 years come October. I find the entire thing both fun and exhausting at the same time.

        3. @RedLady821: lol I had to Google "autoclave." But to answer your question, I think that is mostly used in tattoo shops and I believe it's because it's a standard requirement if youre licensed. However, I havent seen most non-shop working tattoo artist use that (or anything similar). The needles themselves, if ordered correctly, come in sterilized and individually sealed bags. I think that machine is just another step and there's nothing wrong with that. Like anything, there's all kinds of ways to keep and maintain your equipment so I'm sure different artist have different tactics. The main thing is, does he have ANY kind of tactic versus no tactic.

          Perhaps the best compare/contrast might be to go to a professional artist in a shop and ask how the clean, prepare, and sterilize then compare that to the guy you have in mind's methods. I'm not trying to create paranoia. I know plenty of people with plenty of tattoos that are perfectly fine. Just better safe than sorry, especially when it comes to something that's going to be on you for the rest of your life – in theory.

        4. @WIM, I agree and thank you for doing research for me. I think I will do exactly that. I like to stay informed.

        1. If it wasn't for 50 Cent white people wouldn't know how to celebrate their birthday. Pharell and Britney Spears sort of like made it cool to dance with white women… publicly, but 50 Cent… took it to a whole nother level!

          "You know what, I got to thank Fiddy. And when I see that n*gga, Imma thank him. Imma buy his album, Imma download that.. Imma shoot a bootlegger! That's how good I feel about this n*gga."

          Just joking … in a way.

        2. @Streetz and Dr. J:

          I agree but disagree. He's still relevant in terms of his getting his money. But as a rapper? When's the last time he made a hot song? Thus, I think most 'young kids' which clearly doesnt include you and me streetz lmaooo would probably put 50 in the 'lame' category and aren't trying to emulate him anymore.

          Granted they should because he's rich and was smart enough to get out of the 'game' and into the business side. However, relative to using him as a reason to not get or remove tattoos? I dont know if that would work but I could be wrong.

        3. Yeah abou that… 50 didn't have his tattoos removed, they cover them up with makeup in Hollywood. Like Angelina Jolie is a poster, but you rarely see her tats. They doing this to adult film stars now and it's kinda weird to me. Like is there anything that's not to be shown in an adult film?

        4. @WIM

          Pop Culture wise hes very relevant. He wouldnt have millions of followers, be able to make a stock pop off one word, or even make ppl take notice when he does rap, if he was irrelevant.

          Lil Kim = Relevancy by clownin

          Nelly = Irrelevant by absense

          Craig Mack = Irrelevant period

    3. Heeey Red! I feel you on the tattoo issue, but I also agree a little with WIM – I got my first tat at 18. Nothing visible if my clothes were on, but I knew my mom would have had a heart attack if she knew about it at the time. I'm with you on this, if your tat can't wait until you're of legal age to get one without a note from mommy, it lacks the timeless quality that a good tattoo needs anyway. True story, my girlfriend's nephew was allowed by his mom to get a tat – this fool put HIS OWN name on his arm with his birthdate…umm, playa that's what you do when someone is born or dies. Lawdamercy. This is why high schoolers don't need tats.

        1. I seen this girl at the movies in Silver Spring one time with her two kids. Naima and Nicky. Now how did I know her kids name? Because she has it tatted on her back and I seent her at the strip club earlier that week. That was pretty funny to me. Tattoos of you or your kids names can sometimes not work in your favor.

          It's probably not a good idea to have a tattoo that says your name if you're trying to avoid a subpoena.

      1. Heeeey Teflon! Look at your twins! Lawdy Lawdy I know you're glad they're finally here!

        How long did you hide the tat from your mom before she finally saw it?

        1. CONGRATS TEFLON! I am right behind you in April….lol. Hope you are getting your rest….yeah right huh?

      2. Just wanted to pause for a second and say what's up to the big homie Teflon. You are missed around these parts. You haven't missed much except for about two trolls and a 19 year old who was dumb.

        However, SBM.org staff WAVES. We also hope you get some rest, but that's not likely, so let's just say, good luck?

    4. I caught my 15 year old lying to some girl on twitter that he has a tat, so I told him to stop lying on twitter and he blocked me.

      *lmaooooo*

      You put him on Blast!!!!!

      I agree with your feelings on the whole tattoo thing but I know what WIM is saying also.

      Your best bet might be just to tell him that some parts of his body is OFF LIMITS while living under yoru roof #NoRegionForTatsEva# (lower forearm, leg, neck, FACE o__o ewww)

  8. Black people beating their kids is left over slave mentality. It stands to reason that we learned our disciplinary techniques from slave masters who did all kinds of inhumane things. I often hear black people talk about how they had to strip or pull down their pants for a beating…..OK read any slave narritive and you'll know the slave masters always stripped the slaves first and usually tied them down to the ground. Slaves were beaten for almost anything and the aim was always to humiliate. Kinda like that students mother that wants to come to school and beat their child in front of the whole class. Black people brag about bein hit with shoes, extension cords, switches, sticks etc. etc. They actually think that ish is normal. That's what 400 of slavery will do to you.

    Jordans – Jordans were great when they first came out cause they were obviously 20 times better than any other shoe out at the time. Plus, even though they were expensive, the first few Jordans were only like $65, $75 $85. Not too bad. Now the difference between Jordans and any other shoe doesn't really justify the price.

    Nintendo – Greatest video game console ever.

  9. Now THIS is a good list Dr. J. Monkey see monkey do is typical for our people. We just follow one another like "code" and if you break away from the masses, you get your black card revoked. <— I hate that sh*t. I voted for Obama because I knew about him and what he stood for. No I don't like grits and tang tastes bad to me. Geesh.

    I wanna say something about your #5: Yes I got the beat downs from mama SFG and I'm still alive. I do think that alot of white families spare the rod too much. Yes they may have physical success but mentally can be weaker because they're not tough enough to handle certain things. (of course not all) With that said, we can definitely learn alot from "white society". We alienate ourselves in our ridiculous traditions and it's holding us back. If you want to "beat them", you have to adopt some of what works and do it better.

    HOWEVER, the fact that white children do better than blacks has little to do with the spankings they don't receive and everything to do with the advantages they have culturally and societal that we don't have. It's mostly their mental upbringing that trumps our physical one. They pride themselves on nurturing their children's ideas and dreams, etc. These children come from a much more supportive background and they have more opportunities because of it. Plus their is a heavy importance placed in education that we don't have. When it comes to children, we tend to be much more negligent. (of course not all, I'm speaking overall) Also, white children have better examples. (monkey see monkey do applies to all)

  10. Great post Dr. J!

    #4 – Yes, some of us do have a tendency to be followers. However, I feel that majority of the population was not put here to lead, therefore this will be a common thing throughout history. It only gets sickening when ignorance is the 'in' thing to do.

    A solution – we need to stop accepting ignorant sh*t and saying its cool.

    #5 – I am mixed on the whipping debate. On one hand, most of us 25+ crowd got our tails whipped and we turned out okay. Since the whole call CPS thing has become popular, children seem to have gone astray. So my guess is that whatever work for your household—DO IT! White people are different, yeah they don't beat their children, but their children also killed themselves and their parents more often. So…I wouldn't be too quick to say we should do what they are doing.

    A solution – do what's best for you children. If they need a butt whopping—teardata$$up! If they are the type to respond to other types of punishment – great. A combination of both – even better.

    #6 – I have also known that starting with the Man in the Mirror (love you MJ) is always the best way to begin any form of change. I agree with Gandhi in that we should BE the change we wish to see in the world. Self -evaluation creates growth. Yet, I realize for some that this is hard to do. This is why it is important that we teach our youth to be accountable for their actions. We all know someone that constantly blames others; and we see how that plays out.

    A solution – Don’t lose a chance for personal growth, be honest when evaluating what part you play in any situation.

  11. Cosign with everything except #5. Everytime I ride the Greenline home I wish all the adults could stand up and have a Group Azz Whuppin session. Kids need discipline and that's just a given. The reason our kids aren't making it into Ivy League schools [and this is just my opinion] is primarily because 1) we aren't giving them good examples as to why they should excel academically and perhaps put the basketball/football down for a second and 2) the parents don't get involved with ensuring homework is done [correctly] and that a high GPA is being maintained. Our kids see way too much of the dope boy fresh, hustler, player/baller crap and think that's the only way to succeed. White kids may see it too, but they also have the advantage of seeing and being around successful, college educated whites who made it the legitimate way…through study and hard work.

    1. "Everytime I ride the Greenline home I wish all the adults could stand up and have a Group Azz Whuppin session."

      THIS! I used to feel the same way.

    2. Just playing devil's advocate here. A lot of sports coaches believe that football and basketball are the best chances many young men have to go to college. And they are right in a lot of cases.

    3. Eddie I live pretty close to Greenbelt, but am removed enough to not have to deal with the foolishness of that apartment cluster near the mall. What I see around my beloved PG county from these wayward babies makes my hand itch! As my daddy used to say, "I'ma beat yo azz til I get TIRED!" lol

      1. You gotta admit though….sometimes its kinda funny to see white people with that "Oh my god one of these black people is going to kill me look" on there face……I always want to yell "Aint nobody even thinkin bout you; Calm down for you pass out on dis joint" ROFL

        1. @ il Duce

          Call me sadistic, but I like that they look at us that way. That only proves how much we are feared.

        2. I be like what deez bammaz think….when the doors close we gonna jump yall for two minutes and thirty seconds to pay you back for slavery. ROFL Dem bammaz look nervous as ish till they see some other white folks get on.

      2. 🙂 I still go to the Gold's over there [sadly]. One day while getting my bag out of my trunk, two young kids approached me for money.

        Kid1: "'Scuse me sir, you got $5 I could hold?"

        Me: "For what?"

        Kid1: "The bus."

        Me: 0_o

        Since when in the blue hell did the buses cost 5 bucks in PG County??????

        1. Man I had this discussion on another board a few years back cause I couldn't understand how so many young kids today are bold enough to beg for money. Knowin its to buy weed. When I was young beggin was the worse thing you could do. People would call you a bum. These youngins today have no shame in beggin for a dollar.

    4. Hands down the funniest video I ever seen in my life:

      Boy gets knocked out by Ol Head for Talking Disrespectful on Bus:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaZzolP_95M

      I will tell you guys this story. I actually could have went to jail for this, but I don't care. I think a lot of the issues with kids on the Green Line is because people are scared of these little kids. I'm on the train one time and catching the green line, (JESUS take the wheel). And i'm standing at the door, and I all of a sudden feel this whif pass my ear. And i'm like.. wtf. But then I hear like a little giggle. So I look out the corner of my eye and I can see the reflection that these nitwit nimrods are trying to flick my ear. So I wait like two seconds and then when he goes to flick my ear again, I grab him by his jacket and push him against the door, holding my forearm under his chin and I look him in the eye and say, "Don't get it twisted this shirt and tie, does not mean I won't beat your ass. Now sit down and shut the hell up." This kid was probably about 15 and look every bit of Lil' Wayne and his eyes went from looking like a bloodshot Rottweiler to that same look when an owner pops his Rott in the face with a bat. That's what's wrong on the Green line! People are scared one of these kids on the train is going to beat their ass. Nah son, not me, I refuse. I let them know up front, I'm not going to be an example. In a lot of ways, I ask myself, how am I contributing to this situation. And this is the answer…

      Mad Black people see these kids on the train and they just turn their headphones up. They see them with the cell phone and they are playing their go-go music with no headphones and they just like all the other people on the train, sigh'ing. Nah son, speak up. Teach that young brother or sister that they look a hot mess. You enabling them when you just let it rock.

      1. That reminds me of back in the day when everybody would whoop a child's @ss…like the whole town. I'm still shocked that someone would actually flick your ear. That's crazy. I would have done the same thing.

  12. [They are cussing out their parents and getting accepted to Ivy League schools. Meanwhile, whipping Jerome still didn’t help him, and now he’s looking at a G.E.D. and trade school.]

    Okay I can understand why you would make this assessment but let's be real here. The fact that Jerome got beatings and Lil Tommy didn't has nothing to do with where they ended up in life. This is more a case of economical background and social upbringing.

    Yeah lil Tommy may beeyotch slap his parents on the regular because mommy and daddy won't keep gas in his BMW 5 Series so he is constanly late getting to Jericho High School (#1 School District in Nassau County LI)

    Meanwhile….

    Jerome gets lumped on the regular because his parents are tired after working 2 – 3 jobs then having to take a subway and/or bus to get to the Pink Houses to find Jerome chillin out front with his boys and the Apt is in shambles and he hasnt't been able to get to school at P.S. 456 for whatever reason.

    Do you see where I'm getting at here?

    Now if we were to switch their economic and social backgrounds do you think Jerome would still end up in trade school with a GED and lil Tommy in Ivy League?? I don't think so.

    My2Cents.

    1. I think folks are getting confused when they are addressing the topic of whippings… they are not evaluating why Black folk think they need to whip their children. If you are just beating your kids just because, that's abuse. But most Black people are beating their kids for a reason. My point is, THAT reason is not being solved by the beating. So if you think that a beating is going to motivate your child to do better in school or to become more socially and morally responsible. You have to evaluate if that beating is actually serving its goal, and if that beating is serving that goal more effectively than other forms of punishment.

      1. (So if you think that a beating is going to motivate your child to do better in school or to become more socially and morally responsible. You have to evaluate if that beating is actually serving its goal,)

        But here's the thing.

        SOMETIMES it does. Every kid is different you can have 2 kids in the same household and each one may require different methods of discipline (i.e.) Kid 1 may respond very well to verbal reprimands and idle threats while Kid 2 may need the wind knocked out of her/him in order to act right.

        1. So following up on that point and to speak to a higher ideology… I'll give you this analogy about religion. I told my grandmother, (yet another time I said something deep but got a whipping immedgiately after), "I don't think most Christians really believe in God and want to be like Jesus, they just don't want to die and go to hell. That Eternal life thing is kinda cool."

          So is the beating scaring the child straight? He acts right because he doesn't want to get beat. How is that strategy going to play out in life? I just think it would turn horribly ineffective! I'm going to get good grades in college because my mother is going to beat me? I'm going to pay child support because my mother is going to beat me? I think i'm going to run for President because my mother is going to beat me if I don't? Do I even understand what I did wrong or do I only get the point that when I do "that," I get a beating?

          You see what i'm getting at here? I just don't think that physical punishment is a motivator for success. It's a lazy way out. Parents who say their kids can't understand the difference from right and wrong or digest complex thoughts at a young age. That's just ineffective communication in my opinion.

        2. Dr. J,

          I don't think punishments only determine how a child turns out. There are more variables involved and those have to be taken into consideration.

          Now if a child has the life of Precious, then they may have issues down the line.

          However, a child being raised in a loving home that gets a whooping every now and then may turn out a little better. The other variables in that child's environment have to be taken into consideration.

          Whoopings alone is neither the answer nor the problem.

  13. Excellent post Dr. J!

    #4 – Monkey See, Monkey Do. I'm so glad my middle class parents didn't allow me to fall into this trap. I have had like 3 pair of Jordans since I've been alive and they don't appeal to me. I rarely rare athletic shoes anyway but when I do its freaking New Balance.

    #5 – The Way We Raise our children. You bring up excellent points and I agree with you 100%. I know someone will (or has) bring up "spare the rod, spoil the child". This is another saying that I think gets constantly misinterpreted. It's not talking about physically disciplining your child but just disciplining them period. There are several methods of discipline. Physical doesn't have to be the first or the de-facto method because it guarantees nothing. I've heard people talk about looking forward to whooping their kids…seriously? That's the first thing you think of when you fantasize about having children?

    #6 – Refuse to look in the mirror. If I had a penny for every person on the planet that doesn't do self evaluations I'd have Tony Starks money. I don't know why people never want to think that the problem is from within.

  14. How you gonna teach your kids not to solve problems with violence…….when you beat them everytime they cause you a problem.

    Is it really a mystery why there is violence in our communities. We teach our kids to be violent.

    1. Violence will exist forever. Violence has its place in the world too. Now, we don't want to produce any Shaka Zulu's today, although he had his place too.

      We just have to make sure our people understand when to use this skill. And that it can be self destructive when used improperly.

      IMO, I think most of our aggression comes from being oppressed and not because mommy and daddy uses corporal punishment. Using the rod of correction is done in love (hopefully) and I am sure that children understand that eventually…if not we wouldn't respect our parents. Whereas the beatings on the plantation were done out of fear, spite and just plain ole' hate and it was not done by someone with our best interest in mind.

  15. I like this list and it's interesting to see how strongly people feel about some of these points.

    4. I see what Dr. J is saying, but I think the larger issue is WHEN Black people choose to GroupThink. We will come together with the quickness to smang it do Lil' B's ridiculous cooking whatever-he-calls-it [#swag] but we can't come together for mid-term elections? #thingsthatconfuseme

    5. I really hate when I see parents beating their kids all crazy in the subway because the child is hungry, or doesnt want to carry your 30-lb bag of clothes at the tender age of 3. I am all for corporal punishment, but it has to be done a certain way. I'm not about beating your kids because you feel like it or because you're just angry. They need to understand WHY they are being punished. I remember my dad worked 3 jobs during the week, so all of our beatings happened on Saturday mornings -____-. This meant that you already knew what was coming. And my parents were VERY patient…they never forgot smh.

    6. #cosign. That is all.

  16. This is a cool list, but I feel like #5 is a cop out for "why other races do better than us" You can make cases for and against beating kids, but there are MANY other factors that go into the success of a child. Sometimes, the child doesnt have the WILL to be better. ive seen kids grow up in GOOD homes that still aint did sh8t with their life. At times, blame can be spread around.

    The monkey see monkey do. I feel you on that, but i know I wasnt buying Nintendo games as a kid, my dad and mom bought them for me. I still got good grades though and im far from a follower. I think that followers will be followers regardless. Its the people on the fence you gotta worry about saving.

    Looking in the mirror is the perfect summation of these points. Too much blame being dished like Steve Nash passes. We all gotta look to self first before we can cop pleas.

    1. You can make cases for and against beating kids, but there are MANY other factors that go into the success of a child. Sometimes, the child doesnt have the WILL to be better. ive seen kids grow up in GOOD homes that still aint did sh8t with their life.

      Word. People seem to forget that you can't control a child like your TV w/ remotes. regardless of what you do, a child has to walk their own path.

  17. Sheeeeit…my friends used to tease me that my girl's first words were gonna be "Someone call CPS!"….lol, I don't believe in beating your kid when talking will do, but best believe these little darlings will get a whooping if it's needed. I think the problem with some of these parents is that they don't do anything other than beat their kids, and then only when the kid has gotten on their nerves. My parents whooped me, but they were really involved in my school and social life. I've seen it happen where a mom doesn't mind if her kid cusses out the principal (she'll laugh like it's cute), is never home with her kids (mommy needs a life too) but when the kid gets on HER nerves it's time to punch a 12 yr old in the face like she's a stranger. WDDDA??

    Funny you mention the monkey see/monkey do thing, my girls do it already. One starts crying and the other looks at her and starts crying too. But the mantra that I'ma stick to (because my mom taught it to me) was that it doesn't matter what those other kids are doing, or what we see on TV. Hell, I remember when Straight Outta Compton came out. Gangsta was IN! But my parent's loving guidance (ie their foot on our necks) kept me and my bro in line. Foolishness has been around forever. What's gotten more popular is falling for that nonsense.

  18. "Somewhere in Black America we’ve lost individuality, we’ve become one of the most homogenous races on the planet because we suffer from groupthink."

    My damn..

  19. #5. Usually I'm hard on parents. But you can't force a child to achieve. At some point a child chooses his/her own path. Its a good thing. Why? B/c being older doesn't mean you know anything. If I listened to my elders I would've been the stereotypical black man… I ignored their ignorant behinds and did my own thing. That alone doesn't help anyone. A child has to desire to cultivate themselves. Parent SHOULD teach child to think for themselves in reference to their future. Stop ignoring your child between the ages 10 and 17, suddenly expecting them to know the right path at 18.

    Change.
    In my younger years, I was known for walking up to random people and asking question concerning human thought and how people viewed the world. You know what the majority of people told me? "I don't think about stuff like that." You don't think about stuff like that?!?!?! You don't think about the intricacies of yourself?!?!? of your people!??!! These were the elders, so they labeled me an "old soul." :-/ no. I just think.

    Here's what I noticed. Our people are afraid to do better. not afraid of failing per se, but are literally afraid to take steps to better oneself. It starts at home. We want to become "equal" be treated "fairly" so we stand in line at the fairness bureau hoping for our turn. We want to achieve our betterment through following trends and rules and hoping it's awarded to us instead of stepping out of the line and making our own ways. Look… here's the answer to our woes -> we are in control of our reality. Meaning, we don't have to wait for society to give us favor, we should favor ourselves. Meaning, the social rules don't apply to you unless you want them to. meaning that you, yourself can be a source of self empowerment. You don't have to say "oh, I'm decent from Kings in Africa." Actually, you're probably NOT. One's own existence is doesn't need any qualifying terms. An apple doesn't need any qualifying terms. Even though there are many different types of apples that vary in size, color, taste and even name. They share in the essence of Apple. Born from similar trees. All partake in the essence of apple. It's uniquely itself… ALWAYS. Even though itemizing it's features, one cannot verbally dissect it's essence, because it's essence indistinguishable from it's existence. Which in-turn implies that you cannot disband it's uniqueness. You cannot deny it's identity. SOO, all that to say something I said before: our identity is self explanatory. All inclusive of those effected by the mistreatment of our ancestors, not limited to any culture or sub culture (in America). Meaning we don't all like the same music, or food, or even look the same. And most importantly, our history, bonds and roles in this society isn't defined by the treatment of our ancestors. In other words, because my ancestors were enslaved, that doesn't mean I'm predisposed to act like, look like, feel, think like, a mere remnant of past wrongs made by this country. I am powerful. I am a giant.

    1. It's equally important for one, before implementing a plan for change, to first correctly assess one's current reality and events preceeding it. To move forward without acknowledging and recognizing the implications of institutionalized racisim would cause one to chose an unwise path. We ignore our past at our own parel.

      The Jews say never forget. Nobody ever accused them of having a victim mentality. Cause they have enough money and influence to counter with there own version of history and facts.

      Only black people are dumb enough to let their oppressors contribute to thier intellectual conversation for growth while simultaneously erasing their on role and rewritting facts.

      Imagine the Germans saying " Yall need to get over this holocaust ish. Stop complaining. It wasn't that bad. Yall just starved to death. Wasn't our fault." Yet we as black people accepted this same dilluded reasoning. What type of low self esteem ish is that?

      Not sayin we should blame everything on slavery. But neither should we allow facts to be rewritten.

      Matter fact if we didn't exist within the oppressors corrupt value system this wouldn't even be an issue. But das the West for you……

      1. I agree and the "system" didn't just up and end when slavery ended. I don't know why people continue to suggest such foolishness. Things didn't suddenly become equal and still aren't. People are still being mistreated systematically. Im saying, the education system is still f'd up and unfair and we don't even need to touch the criminal justice system. These are just 2 of many major institutions that impact us over our lifetime. What's wrong for seeing it for what it is but still doing your thing and navigating the system? Why do people feel like they have to ignore the inequalities against our people and/or erase our history in order to be successful/navigate the system?

        1. What’s wrong for seeing it for what it is but still doing your thing and navigating the system? Why do people feel like they have to ignore the inequalities against our people and/or erase our history in order to be successful/navigate the system?

          When I say, "control your reality" that doesn't mean to pretend that the injustices don't exist. It means to control one's eyesight in viewing a solution. It doesn't mean ignore inequalities. It means don't be limited by the inequalities. It means to don't let the inequalities put you in the mental space of "I might as well not even try." People don't say that? Yes. they. do.

          I think one should notice all that one can, but for it to define you as in individual is giving up. Aren't we all more than just our lineage? Yes. it's a part of us, but do you really think of yourself 100% as simply offspring? Or have you carved your own identity which may, in ways different than others, incorporate your lineage?

          Our lineage is a part of us, but not all of us. Each person before us contributed to what we call lineage. What is our contribution? Or are we ONLY reflections of that past?

      2. It’s equally important for one, before implementing a plan for change, to first correctly assess one’s current reality and events preceding it.

        I agree. It's just sad when people use the truth you just stated as an excuse to be inactive in one's own life. How much "correctly asses[ing]" must happen before people make a move?

        I never said ignore history. But given that history (and all the ish leading up to now) it shouldn't be cause for me to limit myself. In fact, the history is even more reason to not limit oneself. I know YOU didn't say that it should. But random people on the street DO say that. They really feel that way. Mostly its the people that probably don't read or comment on this site. But they exist. The real question is how do you influence those individuals? How do you let them know that defeatist mentality isn't the move?

        If I tell a friend to smile. I don't have to reach for some reason external to them. They themselves are the reason. They are valued do to some shared experience. By telling them to smile and lets work to make it better, I'm not saying forget what caused the hurt.

        1. In reference to history, recognizing it, but not letting it limit you…..I think the people you are referring may only hear one side of history.

          When I think of my lineage and history, I don't think of it all in negative or limiting terms that commonly find out about (school/media/etc). I'm not one to profess we were all kings and queens or anything like that, but I remember the Black MULTImillionaire community in Oklahoma (that were destroyed by our troops and never recovered), essayists like Edward Blyden, and political activists like Olaudah Equiano, etc, etc, etc. Knowing it is inspirational.

          It's unfair I didn't have to opportunity to learn about these people, places, in things in school (an opportunity most other Black folks here don't get either), but recognizing it (in addition to the inequalities) is motivational, not limiting.

          I see what you are saying and I think we agree. I think history is only part of the definition of our current identity but certainly not our entire identity.

  20. I completely agree with the three points that you touch on here. Point five hits home for me. I was a good child (compared to my siblings) and I still got beat. I tell my parents and friends all the time that I will find different ways to discipline my children. You know what they tell me? Your children are going to be punks and disrespect you. No ma'am and no sir. I was deathly afraid of my father (he did all of the beating) until I was an adult. That strained our relationship.Beating me didn't make me respect him. It made me resent him and afraid of him. A lot of times the punishment (beating) doesn't fit what was did. Beating is the easy way out.

    And there is no damn way I will believe my parents beat me because me they loved me. #LIES

  21. Grrrrrrr. One thing that kills me is when we assume that because white people are doing economically better that they are more morally sound than we are. What we have to do is come out of that thinking. First off there are various environmental factor that contribute to the success in rearing a child. White peope are not necessarily having better results in child rearing because their incarceration rates are lower! They have other environmental factors contributing to why their children are going to ivy league institutions. For example better schools, safer neighborhoods etc. You can whoop your Childs ass all day and teach them right from wrong but they still have to walk out the house and deal with the streets. That is the difference between white child rearing and black. We are exposed to different amount of adversity. Please do not assume that white folks are doing it better for that reason. Let's not forget that white people have higher suicide rates, higher drug usage rates among teens, and are statiscally more likely to be serial killers. So be easy on assuming that Whatever is going wrong with our youth is connected to whoopings…it is not! We Need to continue to whoop they ass and being to reinforce those ass whooping with better schools and safer neighborhoods. Amen

  22. Honey, there is nothing wrong with whippings as long as a kid isn't smacked in the face, extreme anger takes over, or the kid is being told that he's a nobody or will amount to nothing. I was whipped and came out fine. Children MUST obey and respect their their parents, and if it takes a whipping to achieve that, then so be it. If parents aren't respected and obeyed then they won't know how to respect and obey God, or their boss, etc.

    What is missing is affection. I don't think we as a people are very good at showing children affection.In some cultures-Latin, Arabic-children are absolutely adored ,and they know that they are well loved.I doubt most Black kids grow up feeling like that, even in functional, good families. This is not to say that we don't love our children, just that we're not very good at letting our kids know it. I know slavery has much to do with that,sadly.

    Mary

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