Home Ignorance Ten Things Black Folk Need To Change Right Away – Righting Our Wrongs

Ten Things Black Folk Need To Change Right Away – Righting Our Wrongs

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“Being born here does not make you an American. I am not an American, you are not an American. You are one of the 22 million black people who are the “victims” of America. You and I, we’ve never see nay democracy. We didn’t see any… democracy on the-the cotton fields of Georgia, wasn’t no democracy down there. We didn’t see any democracy. We didn’t see any democracy on the streets of Harlem or on the streets of Brooklyn or on the streets of Detroit or Chicago. Ain’t no democracy down there. No, we’ve never seen democracy! All we’ve seen is hypocrisy! We don’t see any American Dream. We’ve experienced only the American Nightmare!” – Malcolm X

This season of Dexter brought us Jordan Chase a man who dubbed this term, “Take It Now!” It means so much to me, because as a Black man in America let me reiterate that nothing is given to us, we must take our opportunities, seizing them at every opportunity.  This country did not intend on making a place for us at the table, so there’s a lack of infrastructure in many facets of our community.  We’ve got to right the wrongs of hundreds of years of bad logic.  Today’s points are:

7.       Horrible Family Statistics – [Insert factual information about divorce rates, unwed mothers, single mothers, men who leave them, and men who have children with different women.  These are the men who actually displace their own family when the government will do it for free.]

8.       Equating keeping it real to the ghetto – This used to surprise me in college, but if you came from a good home with two parents who could actually afford to send you to college without financial aid, you were looked down upon.  I had a friend who used to have to sneak to the bursar’s office to drop off her daddy’s check.  Meanwhile, keeping it real was HEOP and SSSP.  In my mind, I was baffled that if your parents somehow made it up out the hood and provided well for you, that made you less of a real Black person.

9.       Acting like sh*t is cool with white people – Most touched on this a little on his post, but peep this; when white folk say or do something that’s not cool, you need to let them know.  A lot of Black people were just trying to be cool with their white coworkers and let them get away with telling Dave Chappelle jokes that wasn’t funny at all when they said it.  You don’t have to get violent or physical, but don’t let ignorance and racism rock.  Simply explain to them, “B*tch, I don’t care if you are trying to tell me a Dave Chappelle joke, don’t ever let me hear you using the n-word around me again, like that shit is cool.  You got N.R.A., well I got , N.W.A, and I’ll kick your a*s.” (On the low, I think that white people have to use the longest preface ever whenever they need to use the n-word.  In high school, my 10th grade History teacher spent a whole class on the word, before using it in a lesson the next day.)

10.   Stop trying to pass or satisfy – I had a conversation with a guy that I am mentoring and he told me that he had learned to accept failure.  I told him, that’s unacceptable.  What I would rather him learn is that he should always strive for perfection, and do the impossible.  He had it the wrong way.  I didn’t want him to become complacent with saying, “Don’t be afraid to fail.” One of the keys to successful people is their inability to believe in the concept of failure.  Moreover, I’ve noticed that Black people have a tendency to talk about passing or satisfying.  Demanding excellence has gone by the waste side and when you demand it, you’re told, “It’s not that serious.” People are settled to say, “Everything turned out ok, so what’s the big deal?” Young teen mothers are talking to their young pregnant children and hearing, “Mommy you had me at 15 and you turned out okay.” Why is it that there aren’t more Black students who graduate Magna Cum Laude?  I’d argue because most Black people go to college to get their education and a degree, nobody said sh*t about Magna Cum Laude.  In their opinion it sounds like a makeup company.

So what are we talking about here, and where are we going?  In the past three posts, I’ve touched on some issues of enlightenment for everyone to think about.  Again, I’m not trying to bash Black folk, I think a lots of things about Black America is inspirational.  Even our faults make us strong.  What I hope to do is to inspire conversation, here and in other venues.  I’m interested to know your thoughts on this post and the previous posts.

Comment(130)

  1. 7. We've done a remarkable job of normalizing dysfunction to the the point that we'll point to statistics to justify this foolishness. So 72% of our kids are born out of wedlock becomes, "We don't need to marry. It's an outdated institution." We can turn a statistical norm (of dysfunction) into our cultural norm. With this stat particularly, I always like to point out that if OOW birth is the norm, then I guess everything closely tied to it (poor earning potential, crime, etc.) are community norms too.

    8. See #7. We love to normalize dysfunction. It helps us not feel so bad. And if we keep saying over and over that what goes on in the hood is a societal norm, we won't have to deal with what really causes the hood to be 'hood'. We also won't have to deal with the idea that our parents did not bring us into the world with any real plans (thoughts) on how they'd feed, cloth, care for, and educate us. Nobody wants to admit they probably shouldn't be here and wouldn't be here if mom and dad were thinking about their station in life and what they could realistically provide for the kids they may have.

    9. On some level, many of us think white farts smell better. If we allow them to fart in our face, we'll get their approval and be Jamal 'Not like the other darkies' Brown, instead of Jamal Brown. Some weak people need this. Unfortunately, this logic is based on generations of conditioning.

    10. I think this one is a hang-over of knowing our place. Don't aim for too much because 'they' won't let you have it. Our attitude should be: Aim for, reach, aim higher, reach, aim higher, reach…

    1. "We can turn a statistical norm (of dysfunction) into our cultural norm."

      Yeeeeesssssssss! I've been saying this forever. Your whole breakdown of #7 is truth.com. We justify everything we do. We leave "white" practices to "them" cause we do it better…even though we really don't. We are struggling. This is why I don't know how or if we'll turn things around because we are defensive people.

  2. I feel you on stop trying to satisfy and pass. I’m a psychology major studying academic achievement and what I have found is interesting. Black American parents have high expectations for their children to perform well in school but when students enter school and they experience institutional racism and implicit bias it affects their academic achievement. I know this do not apply to everyone but it’s still something to consider. While some of us may be able address racist action directed towards us some us may not be able to do the same.

    1. My daughter (who's black) goes to a predominantly white school full of over-achievers. (She's in 1st grade) I have yet to see where she experiences institutional racism but her school is upper-middle class so maybe they hide it better and do things more "by the book". She's come home with a few racially ignorant things being said to her but I pump her to the brim with confidence so she doesn't appear to be that affected by it. I volunteer alot in her school and I do notice that the intervention/remedial groups are full of Black children/Latin children so you may have a point. These kids are all from the same community so why are the Black children struggling?…the very few ones in this school at that. I always thought it was because the parents weren't pushing them like the white parents. Like I said, I don't see much ignorance in this community but you bring to mind that the simple inferiority associated with being a minority can play a huge part. Good point.

      1. I attended PWI all the way from Kindergarten through college. I used to hate going to private school when I was a kid and on more than a few occaisions my friends who attended Public Schools [predominantly Black] would sneak me in on our days off to 'hang out'.

        I can say now that I'm older/wiser [hopefully] I'm so glad my parents struggled to send me to a better school. [not saying it's better because it was 2520] When you play in their sandbox, you learn from an early age to step your game up and stay in competition from an academic standpoint.

        And the friend that used to sneak me in, she's working 2-3 jobs trying to make ends meet. Me, I'm doing OK. :0)

        Keep on pushing lil SFG in school and it's certain to pay off in the end….but you knew that anyway. :0P

      2. I currently attend a PWI college and before coming here I thought I knew what it meant to be a Black Caribbean women in a PWI. My parents always told me that I could do any and everything and don't let ppl BS get to me. First year in college everything was cool until I decided I wanted to study RACISM in my psychology major then all hell broke lose and my GPA suffer.

        But I think that children do need their parents to counter act some of the racial situations they may face on a daily basis and if your parents are not there then its going to affect you way more. What you are doing for your daughter is great.

  3. Wow I actually agree with this post! I heart Malcolm X & I'm always saying how I'm not African-American because my ancestors didn't choose to come here. Love that quote! Anywayz…I'm going to comment on #7 & #8. It is so wrong that black people are doing that. I mean you had a child out of wedlock but just because "everybodys doing it" doesn't make it right. 99% of my friends/associates that have children are single, unwed mothers. So of course when I mention the "babymama drama" that I'm going through everyone rushs to her defense because they're babymama's as well and God-forbid I USE the word babymama. Now they wanna fight. Well guess what? That's what you are! You're not a girlfriend nor a wife & if I have a child out of wedlock & the father and I don't get married nor stay in a relationship that's what I'll be as well! Everyone is going around saying how marriage is wack & outdated…I bet you wouldn't be saying that if someone wanted to marry you! On to #8…black people feel like you need to struggle to be "down". You move out the hood you're a sellout….you never lived in the hood? Oh you're even worse…you're a spoiled little white girl! The same goes for talking properly, having nice things at a young age & getting a higher education. Doing good is frowned upon. The worse off you are the more "street cred" you have. This pisses me off to the fullest. I'm happy to see other Blacks doing well. That happens to be one of the reasons I moved here to Atlanta. Its a great feeling to see my people doing well. We should all aspire to be great instead of being jealous hence, placing a negative connotation on successful black people. I know we'll get there one day, we HAVE to…for the sake of us all!

  4. This is actually my favorite post of the series Dr J. Although I don't agree with every point.

    7) We are not trying to make a black law that every woman who has a baby must be married and stay with that baby's father no matter the abuse or how terrible the relationship is. I don't think that is the goal of this point, but we are trying to foster better homes for those children. And better resources in those homes. Something in many cases, not all, two parents would better accomplish.

    I will also add, if you are not ready to be a parent, can't afford to be a parent, haven't formed a good plan on being a parent DON'T BE A DAMN PARENT. Use contraception, give the baby up for adoption HAVE A ABORTION. Its a hard truth, but we are better off as a community with less unwanted poorly raised babies.

    8. I grew up in a black/latino suburb. Everyone in that suburb hated hit. They would always claim how they wanted to move back to Brooklyn or BX or some place more interesting, less boring, more ghetto. Parents worked their tails off to be able to afford a home in Long Island and all these kids wanted to do was move back to places with bad high schools and high violence.

    9. I completely disagree. I don't see any good that comes out of our constant over sensitivity to race related issues. Honky makes a black/monkey joke, I probably don't associate with him. But as long as he actually is giving this 'monkey' a chance to work and live in peace, he can say whatever joke he wants. I think censorship makes people insensitive to real race issues. And I disagree with the concept of there being a tie between racial insensitivity and discrimination especially in the modern white man. *I probably stand alone on this issue*

    10. Great Point. And I am going to add some controversy to it…. We as black people should strive to get the best education in the world, and not settle for poor institutions. As a result, I think our people would be better served attending Top 25 universities instead of HBCUs. Now not everyone can go to Harvard. But I think the point is not enough people of color are applying and/or attempting to work toward that goal.

    1. #9 – I am not talking oversensitivity bro, i'm talking about blatant racism. I'm talking about when you let your coworker make racists jokes, racists slurs, or racial innuendos and you keep silent because you don't want to cause a ruckus. If your boy asks you in jest "are you going to have the chicken?" you may not want to flip out. But if you are in a meeting and a higher official at your job says, "the only reason why you're here is because you're black", you need to speak up.

    2. @Adonis

      I just don't believe the end all be all in race relation and success of black america rest in off the cuff comments and locker room humor. Its tasteless its classless and even hurtful. But I don't buy the idea that it henders our growth. The over reaction to every human interaction. Its more ego driven than society based.

      @DrJ

      I see what you mean. I know the importance of actually standing up when an actually injustice is done (see Sean Bell). I just saw your Dave Chappelle example and didn't really think a 2520 reenacting a scene from the black white supremacist qualified.

    3. "As a result, I think our people would be better served attending Top 25 universities instead of HBCUs"

      CheeKz,

      Why not just make the HBCUs better in terms of standards. I disagree with you on this point. We should not NEGLECT our institutions…we should make them better.

      Some may not agree but integration is what jacked us up in the first place. Having our own is the BEST solution…although we should expect more from our own as well.

      I like your other points though!

    4. Top 25 Universities…….

      Since we quotin Malcolm X……."That's the devil's newspaper."

      Are we really supposed to sit around waitin for the white man to validate us.

      Have you ever heard a white man endores a black neighborhood? A black school? A black buisness? A black city?

      Seriously we still waiting on the white man's validation?

      Even when HBCU's produced just about every African American of note in the history of this country. Even when schools like A&T produce more black engineers than any school in the country. I believe Howard produces the most black doctors.

      Anyway I know we could argue this all day.

      But I'm just a firm believer that the biggest problem in the black community today is that there is no black community. A PWI is definitley not the best option for every black student.

      1. I don't think it's about validation, it's about getting a quality education and having opportunities.

        Unfortunately many HBCU's aren't what they used to be when our parents and historical figures of the black community attended. Many of their programs aren't accredited, so I'm not going to go there just to support black institutions instead of going to the PWI and being better off.

        1. Well I'm not sayin go to an unaccredited school…….even though I could tell you how subjective the accreditation process is.

          But let's be honest most blacks that choose a PWI would have choosen a PWI over a HBCU even if they offered the same programs with the same quality.

          Could it be we want to go to the school we believe Europeans will view most favorably? Their validation is the most important aspect of an education?

          I might argue the biggest problem in the black community today is too many Ivy league educated professors at the forefront.

  5. Good Morning Dr. Jay

    I don't know WHAT to make of the picture, but the only thing I thought at the split moment was an interracial couple

    The Malcolm X quote highlights a brutal truth…

    CHRISTIANITY was FORCED on most of us… I don't believe in th jungles of Africa we were worshipping Christ (although I didn't do alot of research on this)… It was not something historically that we picked as black people & said "this is our religion"… that is why Malcolm referred to "White Jesus" as the White Man's GOD…

    7. Horrible Family Stats…

    Believe it or not, I come from a two parent home FROM MARRIED black parents… (except daddy was abusive & crazy, mommy was a crack addict & crazy) & they were both very "intelligent"…

    I think what most PEOPLE (esp. black people) have to look in the mirror & realize that they are psychologically effed up one way or another… & being in a single parent situation can really be damaging to ones psyche (STOP TELLING ME THE ABOUT THE EXCEPTIONS WHO RISE ABOVE THEIR SITUATIONS, HAVING TO ST)

  6. (continued) I pressed the enter button by accident

    (TWO STABLE SUPPORTIVE PARENT IS PARAMOUNT FOR MOST CHILDREN)

    & getting help for that can be a real game-changer

    Another note, is that what kills me with this baby mama/father culture is that…

    young black women (14 – 25) who aspire to get married one day are having babies TOO EARLY at an astronomical rate… (And aborting them too… sickening)

    & now, if I want to deal with you on a romantic level, it is a packaged deal (ready made family), because of your sexual irresponsibility… (what is even worse, the women who PUT themselves in these situations never look in the mirror & blame the men who help them create that child)

    (Note: if you got married & got divorced you are older with children, at least you gave family life a try…)

    8. I HATE BLACK GHETTO CULTURE

    It has been the reason why I can never really associate with my alot of my "ghetto" black counterparts… Their IGNORANCE reeks off of them & although I would love to vibe, the bs they be on makes it impossible

    Being intelligent & speaking proper English & being able to articulate ideas clearly has really stunted my growth with my relationships with more "ghetto thuggish" brothers & sisters… there is also an inferiority complex in there too…

    The way this world is going especially when they are cutting EVERY social service left & right… in 15 years, there won't be a "HOOD", & those who can't make proper adjustments WILL PERISH

    We as black people have to foster an environment, where being academically successful is COOL, getting out of perilous situations is COOL, treating our women with respect & love is COOL

    9. This one is a funny one… In specific situations where this is applicable, you have to set a BOUNDARY IMMEDIATELY… once you set BOUNDARIES on racial f*uckery, you are usually ok… Because if you don't, people will DO IT MORE because they have your (silent) stamp of approval to make racial jokes…

    Personally, when it comes to racist people, or just mean people in general, I give them my loving heart because at the end of the day… when people are able to get me upset, I am a SLAVE to them… they control me, and because your persistent thoughts create your future (Law Of Attraction), I don't need any bad karma because I am upset over some person calling me n*gger scum… IT'S JUST WORDS

    10. By the way Dr. Jay

    FAILURE IS AN INVENTED CONCEPT… we humans and our powerful brains MADE IT UP…

    There is no such thing as failure, it is called trial & error, how NOT to get something done…

    And I agree, need to have HIGH goals and shoot for them…

    Just like this post…

    "Black Women Are Perfectly Fine: An Editorial by Dr. J "

    This post was legendary… Thanks Dr. J

    1. I say it all the time: it's not being poor that's a problem….it's being ghetto. Being poor and being hood are two diff mentality and way of life. My family grew up poor. I have tons of friends who grew up poor. I CANNOT rock with ghetto folk. Hood chicks and I do not get along. I can't even fake it anymore. It's one thing to lack funds and do the best you can with what you got…and it's another thing to lack knowledge on how to live.

    2. "We as black people have to foster an environment, where being academically successful is COOL, getting out of perilous situations is COOL, treating our women with respect & love is COOL"

      This is the truth Adonis!

      An applause is definitely deserved.

  7. #8 How was HEOP keeping it real? That just meant that your family was broke. When I was in college, nobody wanted to admit that they were in one of those programs because the majority of the students were there because their parents could pay their tuition. I would have been proud to drop off a check at the bursars office. It's interesting to me that now the dynamic has changed to keeping it real.

    #9 I think I answered in Most's blog that I wish I WOULD let a white person get away with that B.S., not on my watch, I shut it down quickly every time…I have no patience for it. I do the reverse in my Urban Education Class, I make snide comments about white people just to watch my professor turn red…I don't give a f*. I enjoy making white people uncomfortable in those situations.

    #10 I agree.

  8. This is a good post. I'm gonna go 'head and insert the statistics Dr. J mentioned because I think we aren't really going to get anywhere as a people until we start turning around these marriage statistics. It all starts with the family. I did a post on my blog called "Black Love: The State of Our Union" This is an exerpt from it:

    Black household composition: 64% occupied by families. Among black family households, 45% are married couples. (1940: 77% married, 18% single women, 5% single men) 1.2 million black grandparents living with their grandchildren under age 18. 50% are responsible for the care of these children. Black marriage rate: 35% in 2002 (vs. 63% in 1950). Children born IN wedlock: 25% (vs. 80% in 1960). According to 2009 U.S. Census Bureau reports, black females ages 35 to 44 are the only American women in their child-bearing years with lower marriage rates than men of the same race or ethnicity. By their early 40s, 31 percent of black women have never been wives, whereas 9 percent of white women, 11 percent of Asian women and 12 percent of Hispanic women have never been married. In 2008 22% (1 out of every 5) black men who got married, wed a non black woman, conversely, in the same year, only about 9% of black women who got married, wed a non black man. Of the African American individuals who receive bachelors’ degrees 60% are women. For Masters degrees it’s 66% Women.

    1. Those statistics are disheartening, but 64% occupied by families (I'm assuing that's unmarried but living together) is not such a bad stat. The family should be together whether it's bound by marriage or not.

  9. #8 brought back some serious memories. When I moved to the suburbs from Brooklyn, there was this one young lady in my class who felt the need to try to test me b/c "You from BK, so you must think you hard, right?" Meanwhile..little did she know that I attended private school and lived in a very diverse area in BK called Kesington, so I was FAR from 'hood'. On the flip side, when I tell some city-folk that I was born and raised in BK for half of my life, they say "Oh please, you ain't from BK.You sound white.You're a Long Islander. You're a sell out." Basically, there was no way I could win…either I had to be gangsta b/c I was from BK or I was a sell-out b/c my parents were tired having 6 people in a 2 bedroom apt and actually wanted their children to have a backyard to play in safely.

    The sheer ignorance….

    1. *ehugs* I know exactly how you feel. I never understood what talking white meant. You mean I talk regular? What's wrong with not being from the hood? How am I any less real than you? It's pure ignorance, jealousy and envy my friend.

    2. Ignorance isn't the word. That's all I hear by black folks from all backgrounds, that I talk white. I don't understand. Excuse me for going to school for 22 yrs and learning the language, properly. I remember someone telling me that she saw me marrying a white man just because of the way I spoke.

  10. One thing that needs to stop is EXACTLY what you did in #7……blame the outta wedlock kids on men all the f*ckin time as if women are innocent bystanders in sex, don't have control over THEIR bodies, and don't decide who and what type of men they allow to impregnate them.

    1. Women definitely need to address that (I think they do in private & blame the men in public…)

      But upon further investigation you realize how much bs people be spewing out…

    2. It's not about assigning blame, but rather, taking responsibility. Sure, we can sit back and wait for women to do the heavy lifting and close their legs despite us constantly exhorting them to do the opposite. Or, we can divide the responsibility between both sexes like we have these past 4 decades. That's worked out pretty well for us hasn't it?

      Or, as men, we can decide to be men and lead. We can decide that we're each going to take responsibility for turning around these statistics by doing what we need to do in our personal lives to insure we're procreating responsibly.

      It's not about blame, it's about responsibility.

      1. I heart you (in a non-sexual, not flirting way).

        *Waiting patiently for the chicks who want exercise their right to have kids OOW to come over here and start trying to defend the stats you presented earlier.*

      2. @MOST I hear you on the responsibility… I agree with you… However

        It is hard to talk to women (who go out of their way) like to deal with IRRESPONSIBLE men & have kids with them… & expect those men to be responsible, instead of being with a responsible man in the first place…

        And it is not like this is a RARE event… this has reached epidemic proportions (as you pointed out in your stats)

        1. I address this whenever a single mother complains about her situation with, "Were you raped?" Then I follow with silence. Try it sometime. If she wasn't raped, she chose to entertain a worthless man.

          If I don't have the mind to close my legs to men who are irresponsible, selfish, and short-sighted, should I be trusted with raising children?

      3. I AGREE WITH YOU MOST! Yes, I am screaming that!

        Everyone should be responsible. However, men are born leaders and they should therefore lead by example.

        "Or, as men, we can decide to be men and lead. We can decide that we’re each going to take responsibility for turning around these statistics by doing what we need to do in our personal lives to insure we’re procreating responsibly. "

        That comment is divine!

      4. "Sure, we can sit back and wait for women to do the heavy lifting and close their legs despite us constantly exhorting them to do the opposite."

        Let the church say amen! God forbid a woman (or man) is celibate waiting for a responsible, loving partner and a healthy relationship or *gasp* marriage! People look at these individuals as if they were lepers…. when really, they may just be trying to avoid the unhealthy, unprofitable and financially strapped situations that can result from letting just any ol' body in their bed.

        "Or, as men, we can decide to be men and lead."

        Yes! I look forward to being in a relationship with a man I can trust to lead. And as others have said, women STILL have to be accountable and responsible for themselves. We're all adults out here.

        1. "Let the church say amen! God forbid a woman (or man) is celibate waiting for a responsible, loving partner and a healthy relationship or *gasp* marriage! People look at these individuals as if they were lepers…. when really, they may just be trying to avoid the unhealthy, unprofitable and financially strapped situations that can result from letting just any ol’ body in their bed."

          Cancergirl08, Amen!

      5. Yes Most. Say it. I had a child OOW. I had un-protected s.ex with my boyfriend of 4 years, skipped the pill and got pregnant. I don't believe in abortion so I had her. I was 24, financially able to support her so I did it. I became a parent. Yes, I wasn't married but I had everything else one needs to support a child. I was also mentally ready. You know what her father did? Said he wasn't ready. Said he needed "space". So I had her alone. I don't regret it either…but I take responsibility for it. Did it happen to me again? Absolutely not. It's called life and learning from life.

    3. Rick.. "the DJ had the mic in his hand he was like caaaaaalm down."

      I didn't blame only men. I spoke of single and unwed mothers too. What I will say is that most times when men bring up this point they are forgetting that the catalyst for pregnancy is the man. The woman has the egg and if you don't fertilize it then there won't be a baby. And also, most n.., i'm not going to use that word today, but most dudes dont' realize that when they talk about how women are mad reckless with their body or how they are dumb and actually want babies with men who won't be there for them, but like on the real, why you sleeping with those hoes?

      (1) If she's dumb or stupid, why you sleeping with her?

      (2) If she told you she was on the pill, and lied. That's your bad.

      (3) If she told you she was gonna get rid of it and didn't. That's your bad.

      (4) If the condom broke, that's your bad.

      (5) If she sabotaged the condom. Stop messing with grimy hoes.

      If people were more responsible with the women they slept with they wouldn't be shouting that this is also the woman's part. Plus, I can't really speak to what women need to do when it comes to making sure their children have two parents outside of, "Maybe you shouldn't f*ck with n*ggas."

      That's about all I got.

      1. I have no kids so I get on my soapbox all the time & gave the whole parenting thing alot of thought

        Co-Sign on the men being more mature on the way they deal with women part…

        But again women have the FINAL say when it comes to sex… and that is a FACT…

        That is why I go in on women (the so-called backbone of the community)

        1. Adonis,

          Yes, we are the backbone of the community, but we don't have the final say on anything. If you put a condom on, she more than likely WILL NOT object! However, if you have chex with her without one and get her pregnant, it is YOUR FAULT as well.

          Why should we continue to get cancer and inject our bodies with that killer birth control in order for BM to feel the gushy? Yes, we like it too, but we won't object to YOU using birth control as well.

          Once again, men have to lead and take responsibility. If she says don't wear one, you already know what you're dealing with–A TRAP!

        2. Adonis,

          Yes, we are the backbone of the community, but we don’t have the final say on anything.

          I'll agree with the whole backbone concept…

          But in order to get sex from a woman LEGALLY i need CONSENT… anything else is RAPE!!!

          what do you mean women don't have the final say on sex… elaborate please

          If you put a condom on, she more than likely WILL NOT object! However, if you have chex with her without one and get her pregnant, it is YOUR FAULT as well.

          Agreed… My issue is women picking irresponsible men… that does not get addressed PERIOD!!!

          Women do NOT go out and get "Barack Obama" type men and get BAMBOOZLED, that is a RARE event…

          WOmen go out & pick men (drug dealer, bad boy, etc.) who wasn't doing sh*t before she met him, have to hide this kind of men from their families, get pregnant by this man, and then wonder why the black community is in shambles… again I have no kids… & to keep it 100% most black women are not looking to procreate with me…

          Why should we continue to get cancer and inject ou r bodies with that killer birth control in order for BM to feel the gushy? Yes, we like it too, but we won’t object to YOU using birth control as well.

          Agreed… And why the hell are you taking dangerous drugs anway… I don't believe men are forcing women to take birth control… the makers of BC are selling that bill of goods to you

          Once again, men have to lead and take responsibility. If she says don’t wear one, you already know what you’re dealing with–A TRAP!

          Black Women have to deal with responsible men from jump street… alot of black women don't, and wonder why they are single mothers

        3. Adonis, when you say "women have the final say on sex" it implies that men are just mindless beings running around head first (and not the one on your shoulders) asking every woman you come across if you can hit. The point is, you have the right to abstain as well. There is no "final say" when it comes to sex. It's a mutual decision between two people.

        4. women do have the final say…

          but we have the first say…

          a woman can't get pregnant with my kid, if i'm not f**kin her…

          that's why i keep it for the wife, whoever she is, whenever i find her…

          because the females out here these days…are gonna be as reckless as the males, and will look at us, because we ARE men, we're the QBs of the community (QB's get the blame in the loss, and the praise in the win)

    4. Here's my $.02 on the matter. It's both people's responsibility. HOWEVER, if the man knows he's messing with grimy h#es (as Dr. J put it) and he KNOWS that they'll (baby mama and gov't) be looking at him for child support, he knows he's not ready or doesn't want a child, then he should act like it. Wrap it up…twice. Don't rely on someone else to be responsible if that's not something you want. It's not rocket science…it's not really even science; it's common sense.

      So for dudes acting like women are blaming them, well, if you know what you don't want, then you should step up and take responsibility for your actions. IF something happens and it's not planned, well then, sucks to be you,

      My motto is always: The person you're sleeping with has the potential to be your child's parent, so maybe guys need to think about that, instead of worrying who's placing blame.

      Women AND MEN who don't want children, don't have have children because they take responsibility for it themselves and not leave it up to those who they KNOW ain't about ish.

      1. YES! …and I'd like to add: Don't pressure her for un-protected s.ex then blame her when she get's pregnant. <— I see ALOT of men who do that. They sleep with the girl raw, then when she gets pregnant, it's HER responsibility. That makes me sick.

  11. Well well well…EXCELLENT post, Dr. J. This is my favorite SBM post thus far. lol I agree with everything you said.

    7. Horrible family statistics – we have no structure but guess what? We did. Yes, back in the day we had family structure, dynamic and most importantly RESPECT for one another. That's all gone now. We don't respect ourselves so how can we respect others? We have poor examples and we idolize the wrong things. I really don't know how we can change this. I'm clueless to this one.

    8) Equating real with ghetto – you spoke to my heart. Honestly, for a long time I couldn't stand African-American culture. I grew up so differently. My parents came from the worst ghettos of Jamaica yet came here and became a doctor and investment banker. I didn't understand why AAs are so insecure when it comes to status/money. Then I grew up and realized that island people don't have the same issues as AAs. My parents weren't mentally enslaved, frankly the believed in themselves. Status/money is so important here and AAs as a whole lack that so it breeds insecurities. We're a prideful people. It's easier to hate on what you don't have. It's easier to make the wealthy feel bad. For a looooong time I hid my upbringing like NewNew in ATL. lol (It was hard enough just being biracial.) I look at it as pure jealousy but it is what it is and I understand.

    9) Not checking "others" – can't relate because I always do and I always will. Just last night I met my parents for dinner at a predominantly white/wealthy restaurant and while we were waiting, this woman was standing staring at us for about 5 mins until I said "Can I help you?". She looked so shocked that I said that. I cannot and will not tolerate rudeness.

    10) Stop trying to pacify – THIS is our problem to date. Many of us accept mediocrity. We don't push ourselves. I know this is a cultural thing so I get it. I never accept average…even with my own child. She's the star of her class. You don't want to push to a point where you have low self-esteem or extreme stress but you always want to strive to perform at the best of your abilities. You'll never know your best if you don't push yourself.

    1. I just want to #cosign this entire post and then #cosign this entire comment.

      Definitely one of my favorite posts by Dr. J so far.

      7. Not gonna lie, this one hit me kind of hard. Has anybody seen that new disgusting excuse for a billboard in SoHo about Black women and abortion? Well, I was trying to do a write-up on it yesterday, but the statistics were against me. Not that this made my point mute, but it definitely didn't help.

      8. As someone who comes from East Orange, NJ and is now at an Ivy League school, this used to really piss me off. All my parents did was try to get me out of the ghetto! I was living in EO and playing the system to go to public school in West Orange and was in classes with all these kids who wanted nothing more than to be from Newark smh. No sense. As I got older and went on to a private boarding school and then college, I realized that students that really did come from the ghetto were the ones who kept the lowest profile. Someone on the right track in life doesn't want to hold on to something that was holding them back. I find that the ones who are the loudest are often the most fake/crave street cred. PSA: There are no real OGs in college…unless they are in the Continuing Education program…which is also cool.

      9. Word. I'm all about checking people. Don't disrespect me…and the same goes for Black Americans who try to come at Africans all crazy #yeasowhatimsensitive

      10. #cosign.

        1. talking about the billboard LaLaBakir put up (thank you!). I didn't know where to start. then I learned that a Black pastor funded the whole project and I was done.

        2. I really don't like talking about abortion because it's just not something that men can ever fully understand because they don't have to do it. But I will say this…

          I know several women who've had abortions. I'll give you a sampling:

          1. Has had like 6 abortions, she probably is not going to be able to have children because her uterus walls are so thin. Which leads me to believe she's had more. She also hates using condoms, she openly talks about it. Problem with that is, there's some risk associated with that.

          2. Has had like 3 abortions. In fact, had 3 abortions in the matter of two years. 2 of them were from the same dude.

          3. Had one abortion, at age 28, is actually married and living in a house that she owns, but isn't ready for that type of commitment.

          4. Had two abortions. One in college because she had no recollection of having sex unprotected and thus no clue who the father was. And another one when she was 23/24, she thought she was in love, but after the dude bashed her head (while she was pregnant) into the passenger side window of her car (while he was driving), she decided it probably wasn't a good idea to keep it.

          Out of those 4 women, #4 is the only one who is Black. I know we not talking about white people, but i'd just say I think the problem is an epidemic on their side. It's NOTHING to meet a white girl who's had like 4-6 abortions. NOTHING.

        3. I just feel like rather than a conversation on a site by Black men about abortion, we could talk more about being fathers for our children, or not having sex with women we don't want to have children with. Or at least not having children out of wedlock…

          rather than abortion.

        4. "I just feel like rather than a conversation on a site by Black men about abortion, we could talk more about being fathers for our children, or not having sex with women we don’t want to have children with. Or at least not having children out of wedlock…rather than abortion."

          Instead of just talking how about talking and doing.

        5. TOTALLY Agree Dr. Jay

          I wish we cantalk about Black Men's improvement ALL DAY… and never get on black women…

          I wish black men caused ALL the problems in the BC so we can just address men… but men are half the problem…

        6. Thank you Dr. J. I said the same thing on VSB. Abortion is not a problem in the Black community. Clearly we are having our babies. Our issue is using protection. Statistics show that White women have waaaaay more abortions that Black women. Even relatively speaking, last I checked it was something like 1 out of 5 White women to 1 out of 8 Black women. I could be wrong, don't quote me. I personally don't agree with abortion FOR MYSELF but each woman can decide on her own. I will say that I have never had respect for a woman who aborts babies like throwing out the trash. Abortion is killing of the fetus, don't get it twisted…you are taking life. If you're cool with that, then so be it.

        1. But what purpose does this serve other than humiliating the Black children who are going to see it? Instead of trying to demonize Black women, why didn't the pastor use that money to start a sex education program in his community? Or buy a mass amount of condoms and just pass them out. Or something other than putting up a huge 'BLACK WOMEN SUCK' sign in a neighborhood where not that many Black women will even see it??

        2. The billboard message should've been done better. It demonizes the Black woman's womb. Even after the fact Planned Parenthood lost it's funding. That's NOT cool.

        3. Are you kidding? There's not enough shame and humiliation in the Black community?

          Wow.

          The statistics are already tipped towards AA women having the most children out of wedlock. Yet, AA women also have the highest in abortion rates? Is this really just a black problem? List Dr. J said, there's usually a huge disparity between the gravida (how many times pregnant) and the para (how many children born) of white women. They've always been better at "hiding" their misdeeds to skew statistics.

          I agree with the above poster…a billboard ad in a neighborhood where AA women will most likely NOT see it is not the answer.

          Last August, I had the humble opportunity to do a sexual health workshop in Peru as part of a medical mission trip with some other medical students at my school. You think AA women have problems with teenage pregnancies and abortions.

          This rural town in Peru, Yantalo, was swarming with unwed teen moms and abounding with STDs…which is a major cause of morbidity and mortality there.

          We bought out all the condoms in the Walmart in Miami before we arrived (the colorful, ribbed, analgesic durex kind) and we gave them out and made them available in their local clinic.

          I even demonstrated how to use a condom using their ginormous cucumbers! Most of them didn't know how…nor could they afford the condoms, which was more expensive than candy.

          We made sure that the workshop was sustainable so that the next volunteers or their own profs could teach it as well. That is education! Not that billboard.

        4. TASH on a lighter note, it's hard to argue against a woman with a beautiful avi such as yours…

          SHAME my black community EVERY DAY… humiliate them WHATEVER IT TAKES for us to improve…

          If black women take offense to the billboard

          SO WHAT…

          Be Better…

          Stop protecting people's feelings

          I do believe that people should be reprimanded in private (cause abortions are happening in private…) but whatever

          *rant*

          But I'm glad someone is taking some type of action… because even though abortion is more prevalent in white communities… I am OUTRAGED that 15 million+ black babies NEVER got the opportunity to get a chance to live their lives and BE GREAT & contribute to society or just be degenerates & losers … that's not fair to them… regardless of what the couple's situation was… */rant*

    2. Pretty racist statment. Considering Jamaica is significantly more ufcked up than most hoods in America. And the richest Africans on earth being African Americans. I'm wondering how you make the case for Jamaicans having some superior mentality.

      1. You can't be serious! First off, I never said Jamaica (as a whole) was doing better than Americans. I was referring to the fact that they aren't mentally enslaved so it's easier for them to push boundaries hence why ALOT of west indians, africans, etc come to the U.S. and excel in higher learning. The American education system is terribly flawed combined with institutionalized racism that makes it very difficult for many AAs to suceed. "Others" come in oblivious to it because they don't come from that type of society. I never implied that the island was better than America. I was referring to one specific thing.

        That "superior mentality" comment came from you, not me. If you are talking about confidence, then yes, in my opinion, west indians, africans, etc seem to be much more confident than AAs BECAUSE they didn't suffer the same mental hardships as AAs….as I already explained in my comment. It's not that one is better than the other. I was referring to AAs hating on well-to-do Blacks and you are trying to twist my comment into me speaking about the 2 countries as a whole.

        Btw, that claim that AAs are the richest Africans is relative. You live in the richest land. You have the most opportunities. You get the most money from the government. Very different.

        1. WTF? LOL If I took your avatar and changed it to a white man everyone on this board would jump on you as a racist.

          Funny how black people will tolerate prejudice from West Indians or Africans but will jump on a white man quick for sayin the same thing.

          Your last paragraph…….my goodness. LOL You on some real Allen Keys ish. LOL

        2. SmartFox:

          Most of your comments today have been on point, but i'd have to pause you for a second. We've had this conversation before about the Black vs. African vs. West Indian. First and foremost, it's a pointless discussion and to bring it up only is to exert some type of superiority even if your only point was to show differences in higher education and motivation for success. It only divides and conquers.

          But to be quite frank with you, your argument is wrong. One of the things that the argument lacks is a complete understanding of what is actually going on here from a sociological standpoint. When comparing the populations, consider that only a certain subset of your population from Africa or the West Indies comes to America. And by coming to America you have elected to do better for yourselves and your families than the status quo. You're already comparing apples to oranges because you're comparing yourself to an entire population of people. Truth be told, the illiteracy and crime rates in the countries where non-African Americans come from is tremendously higher than it is in America. The distribution of wealth is broader and wider and therefore resources are more scarce and lead people to choose other outlets to acheive success. But the main thesis of this argument will be this, If we were to take your entire population and bring it to America, you would see similar results to that of which you are looking at African Americans for. You aren't conducting any type of observation that holds merit when you don't have to deal with the ups and downs of a social group. You've only brought the Talented Tenth to this country. The odds are already in your favor.

          That's why it's almost impossible to show that West Indian or African peoples are doing better in terms of high education. In their own countries, the literacy rates are lower, and in our country they are only migrating those with a certain "privilege" to leave their home country.

        3. @ Grand Nagus

          You know what's funny to me? We were talking about how Blacks view keeping real as ghetto. How we dislike Blacks who may have money and equate their status as them being fake, etc. I made a comment that I recognize that being prevalent in American culture due to the importance on riches (which you all said the same). I said when I was younger, I didn't like it but I GREW UP and realized where it came from. I mentioned mental slavery (which you all said the same) and institutionalized racism being big barriers for Black Americans (which you all said the same) BUT I gave a comparison of my Jamaican parents, who did not grow up with the same barriers…and all of a sudden, I'm a racist??? You don't know me so I won't take it personally. I'm new to SBM but if you follow commentary on VSB, you'd know that to be false. I am NOT a racist, infact I am a lover of all things Black. Btw, even though I'm Jamaican, I AM BLACK and was born on same soil as you. Racist is a strong word to throw out there and ironic given the amount of ignorant comments I see you post. I'll just laugh it off.

          @ Dr. Jay,

          My comment was not a compare/contrast of AAs verses West Indians. I'm not even one of those people who thinks like that. I thought I made it clear that I was young but I grew up and changed my views. Maybe that didn't stand out in my comment. I'm not here to start a AAs vs WI debate. I really could care less about comparing the two. I do notice differences in our culture but like you said, we come from 2 different countries so of course there will be differences…neither good nor bad. It's apples and oranges. In regards to my last paragraph. Yes, the U.S. is the richest nation in the world. Yes, the U.S. has the most opportunities. Those two combos allow for great progress and growth within a country. That's what separates the U.S. from Jamaica, Africa, etc. Also, another great thing about the U.S. is that if you fall below a certain income, you can get government assistance. That's something MANY countries don't have. They wish they had that to give them a boost. I'm for welfare so miss me with all that. My point was these 3 things make AAs the richest in my opinion. Other countries don't have these liberties. I meant that as a GOOD thing and not a diss. I should have better explained myself so you didn't take my comment as racism.

      2. Exactly!

        Bammas act like every Jamaican is a docter. I seen Shottas ROFL

        Not to mention just the straight forward racisim and prejudice annoys me to no end. All you here from these dudes is how black folks is this and that…WTF They wasn't talkin that ish 50 years ago. Is that what it takes to sell out…..one generation?

        I'm color blind. A racist is a racist. Don't matter if there skin is black like mine.

        All my skin folk aint my kin folk. (Al Sharpton)

        1. Who are bammas? Shut up!! You're trying to start sh*t. You couldn't even provide a decent comment towards today's post. Instead you're talking about bass in one's voice and gangsters? GTFOH!

        2. Any analyis of speech patterns is gonna include references to tonality.

          OK it's clear your intellectual gas tank is on E. We can continue this another day after you've had the opportunity to refuel. Go get a sports bar on somethin.

  12. A wise man once told me "Never trust a slave in the master's clothes."

    Now ask me why da hood don't like bougie negros….

    1. Keep typing with that slave mentality you got there. The hood doesn't like bougie negros? So wealthy = bougie? It's called a THREAT. Obviously, you're threatened by well-to-do Blacks. That's not my insecurity, that's yours.

      1. "A slave in the master's clothes…….."

        Bougie equals a certain mindset. The quote isn't about blacks with wealth. It''s about blacks that have acquired thier master's culture, beliefs and value system.

  13. "We’ve done a remarkable job of normalizing dysfunction…"

    Excellent point by Ms. Smart in the first comment of the post.

    Good post…

    I found the example in #8 a little shocking. At my school it was the opposite. The students in the EEO programs and such were given the side eye…basically b/c they thought that it was cool and made them exculsive. They would go around campus chanting EEO.

    I also think the word ghetto is sooooo over used. I can't stand it.

    7 and 10 are on point. Haven't had much experience w/ 9, althought the use of the word n*gga in the Hispanic community confuses the hell out of me. They use the word like it's nothing…but God forbid you mistake them for being Black…they through a b*tch fit.

    1. Lala –

      I said on Twitter the other day that I wonder how Black people feel when DJ Khaled uses the n-word. For me, I get a little incomfortable just because he can't stop saying it OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again… but the song be tight so, lol.

  14. PSA: There are no real OGs in college…

    ______________________________

    Sleep if you want to. I could write a book.

    1. Maybe I should rewrite this statement. There are definitely people in college who come from the hood and can hold their own (whatever you want that to mean) – I'm one of them. But there is a difference between the man who knows that he CAN hold his own and the man who feels the need to let everybody know. I can't stand the ones on campus who purposefully change the way they talk and dress in order to trick everybody into thinking they were slinging on the block back in the day. At the point at which you are at a PWI and trying to get a Bachelor's degree, you need to focus on the future. Why does being Black have to be associated with being hood? And this is not to say that you completely throw away that part of yourself, but like I said, in my experience, the ones who really come from that background are using the lessons they learned there to progress and move upward. They don't cling onto it for dear life and force that lifestyle onto the whole campus.

  15. Devil's Advocate:

    I'm not saying you talk white because you speak proper english….but what happened to all the bass in your voice? You can speak proper English and still sound black right? When I meet a white man from the south he doesn't change his accent just to make me feel comfortable and start talkin like Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder. Black people have distinctive accents. But why is a black person's accent called "Bad English" but a white man from texas has a "delightful southern accent."

    Why do people act like there is no such thing as talkin white or talkin black? Anybody that has ever picked up a telephone has made a determination of race based on how the person sounded.

    I'm just sayin……..

    1. Wait, what? o_0

      So you're taking it as more of a tonality thing than speaking proper English?

      Whenever I make a reference to speaking properly [to me] it focuses more on the correct use of "are/is" and the incorrect substition of "be".

      We are [action] as opposed to We be [action]. Whether or not you say it using your Chuck D voice doesn't matter if it's said incorrectly….

      1. I came to this conclusion not long ago. I realized that some black people speak proper english and still sound black. Some black people speak proper english but sound white.

        It has to do with the tone of your voice, the words you choose and the cadence of your speech. Notice whenever a black person imitates a white person the first thing they do is take all the bass out of their voice. And white people imitate black people by adding bass to their voice.

        A prime example is Glen Ivey. I hated the way that bamma talks. LOL He sounds like Eddie Murphy doing a white man impression.

    2. I don't understand how somehow all black people have the same accent when we are from all areas of the country. White people in Texas don't sound like white people in NY, so how should all black people sound the same?

      Does this also mean that women have bass in their voices too in order to sound black?

      1. No my point was really about cultural racism. That "Good English" typically means adjusting your speach to some form of a non distinct north eastern accent. Has nothing to do with your use of grammar. It's more about conformity.

        Throughtout this post I see people rationalizing their choice to assimilate with European culture. Yet the same people aren't willing to accept others choice not to.

        I'm just sayin……my new favorite movie quote from Mos Def…..

        "Stay black."

        ROFL……cracks me up when he says that. Imma have to start sayin that to bammas on da regular. LOL

  16. Sure, we can sit back and wait for women to do the heavy lifting and close their legs despite us constantly exhorting them to do the opposite.

    We men are definitely hypocrites in that regard…

    Personally, I just don't want to date/marry a sexually mature WHORE woman (who has slept with tons of men…) even if I have slept with tons of women…

    But I don't mind making a woman my gf/wife and I was the guy who made her the sexually mature WHORE woman… That is special to me… to be the guy after the special guy is when I am divorced and 70 years old…

    #DoubleStandardSoWhat

  17. I'm a long long (like 2 years) lurker, but first time poster.

    I really loved this post! I think #7 is one of the biggest issues facing the black community and many of the other issues stem from there being no family structure in the community anymore.

    It all comes down to responsibility but no one wants to take it. Many people just prefer to blame each other when it's really men and womens' fault.

    I can relate to #8. Specifically in PG county. If you live outside of the beltway, somehow you aren't considered black enough because you have a 2 parent household and you live in a house instead of an apartment. I vividly remember people looking down on me because my parent paid my way through college as if I should be ashamed that they actually planned a future for me and planned to provide. I think its sad that many black people are "programmed" to think like this.

  18. Comment & Question: Abortion rates are "high" among black women. It sounds bad… But I wonder amongst the women who chose to get abortions, what is the average amount of abortions they get (compared to other races). What is the frequency of their abortions?

    7. Yeah…

    8. Who are we talking about here? If we are talking about children with this mentality, honestly children are cruel to other children. They'll find any reason to fight or make fun of their peers. If we're talking about adults, they are called "haters." You're doing better than them and they hate you for it. But what about the children who grow up in nice homes and neighborhoods and decide to sell drugs? Those are the ones with family issues and this isn't specific to race. Example: Drug dealers… You have to actually have money to BUY your supply (unless you work it off or you die). The money comes from the bank of mom and dad.

    9. Where they do that at?

    10. I agree. There's a shortage of people wanting/desiring to be great. Ok. That's a lie. There's a shortage of adolescents that desire to be great in the ways their elders want them to be. Then there's a group who really don't care. You know what I think. I think the ones who chose the be mediocre are faking themselves out. Elders (not necessarily their parents) put a lot of pressure on children. There SHOULD be pressure to succeed and do something with their lives. But not pressure to save the entire race. As a child that's what I felt… Come to find out it's usually the elders who ended up mediocre, so they passed their pressures on to the next generation. To get over it, I decided to be great for myself. Not for anyone else. What I do, I DON'T do for black people. I do for myself, who just happens to be black. Big difference in the mind of a child. The adults who don't want to do anything are just losers…

  19. OK I didn't read all the comments about blaming women but the last poster raised the question…….why do suburban black kids sell drugs?

    Seriously…..yall don't know?

    (In Jeopardy voice) What is Pu$$y, Females, Black Women

    I heard a muslim dude say this a long time ago. If black women stopped ufckin drug dealers every dude in America would stop sellin.

    Kids and teenagers are simple. They want pu$$y and popularity and these brawds give all of that to the dude with the most money.

    1. Thank you, guys are going want to be like the guy who is getting all of the women…

      Women don't get that, and complain why guys want to be a baller, rapper, drug dealer

      And not a doctor, lawyer or engineer… it is not sexy & glamorized like the drug dealer

      1. Exactly! When the last time you seen a movie about an engineer.

        But they make drug dealer movies every other week.

        All young people fantasize about being a ganster but black people have the opportunity to actually play the fantasy out because of where we live and who we associate with.

        It's kids bein kids. Aint nothin new under the sun. They carried knives in the 60s. Now they carry guns. And the thugs was still gettin all the pu$$y back then.

    2. And that sir is incorrect…

      It's not about sex or popularity.

      It's about the mental projection of themselves. And in turn that projection is influenced by media (for the slow ones) or trying to mimic the strength and independence obtained from a rites of passage. talk to any adolence dealer and their reasons aren't because they want sex. It's b/c their feel that is the best way to provide NOW (a few for their families but mostly for themselves). The concept of "successful" is extra subjective and they exploit that. They'll say: "Why go to school when I can start a business?" or "School doesn't make you education or gives you experience."

      Moreover, the prime image of "black man" is one that provide -> period. We require the black man to shed his humanity to obtain material things or financial standing. Don't believe me? Why is it that people always refer to "back in the day" saying that the men were greater yet were even less educated than now? Their symbol of greatness was "providing." However, look at today. The amount of young blacks going to college and graduating (especially amount black women) has increased. Look at how many black Rhode Scholars there are now compared to a decade ago an increase. Mixed messages. So many of alpha males choose to be providers now to adhear to an image of strength, fearlessness and intelligence by portraying drug dealers. Yes, portraying since not all of them are. They just look the part… for glory (inside their heads).

      1. But like you said…..most drug dealers aint really broke. Even the average dude in the projects has shoes on his feet, a shirt on his back and free lunch at school. What he don't have is [email protected] ROFL Until he start grindin LOL

        You said, "So many of alpha males choose to be providers now to adhear to an image of strength, fearlessness and intelligence by portraying drug dealers. "

        Strength, fearlessness and intelligence…….das exactly what deez young girls chase until they turn 25 join the SBM blog and start talkin about how engineers are sexy. LOL

        1. Oh my bamma PLEASE stop spreading that foolishness! LOL! The "right" kind of girls never fell for that "my man is a drug dealer isn't he cool" bullshyt. Never. If a girl opens her mouth to say she's looking for a dope boy you should see the neon sign on her forhead that says YARDBIRD – CLUCK,CLUCK. That mess was only cool when girls thought they could sit on the sideline of the game and reap the benefits but not get hurt. That was before the girlfriends started getting shot and catching cases. Besides, that was mostly a high school thing. My girlfriends and I joke that Metro drivers are like the new dope boys – they got dem be-ne-fits!

          And wouldn't you know, now Metro dudes are running around, stuntin' like dope boys. rotflmao

        2. You kinda proved my point. For the first 18 years of a dudes life females reenforce every effed up bad behavior I can manifest……and then when you turn 25 and realize the nerdy dude has better long term prospects you look around wondering why so many dudes is on probation or didn't go to college.

          Das why the best thing a youngin can do is stop chasin females and chase a book cause deez young girlz will lead you to destruction then look at you like "why you do that?" [email protected] cause you told me to LOL

  20. I had nappy azz hair until last week. I mean like Jesus nappy. Went to Vegas for the week so I cut my hair. You know lambs wool gets hot in the sun. Well the day I came back all the non -nappies were like you look so good, I like your hair like that!!!!!

    I wish a ritz cracker would….

  21. No my point was really about cultural racism. That “Good English” typically means adjusting your speach to some form of a non distinct north eastern accent. Has nothing to do with your use of grammar. It’s more about conformity.

    Good English is not Black or White, it's simply grammatically correct. I happen to have a British accent so if you haven't heard many Black Brits you're definitely going to think, dude sounds White. Yes it is about grammar.

    I do accept there is a bit of a difference in approach in relation to 9. As much as I love brother Malcom, I'm not going to pick up a gat everytime I hear some politically incorrect comment. There's a time and a place and a season.

    If marriage was so great, people would rush it like jerk chicken. Everyone has to find there own reasons and way into it or out of it. I think two incomes are better than one and two parents are better than one. But that's just my own opinion.
    I seriously would rather wife someone up rather than leave my progeny wondering who or where's my
    Daddy.
    I think low aspiration is sometimes a defence against an unequal s

  22. Defence against inequalities in society.

    Dr J your examples are a little off. But I chalk it down to your are commentIng on the go. I'm not a statistician but comparisons per % of population is possible. Those countries are smaller than the US. But US has greater resources. It's probably possible to get figures for numbers finishing high school as a percentage of children at that age and compare. But I think the point (he was making) is if west Indians or Africans are so great how come their country is so fcuk'd and many of them are over here. That's not a debate I care to join.

    1. Actually Sambaguy my examples are actually spot on, I did a program on this in college and know for a fact that per capita those rates are worse in the other regions. (Did that research). I am not saying that one is greater or worse than the other either. What i'm saying is that there's an ongoing argument about the ability for Africans/West Indians to outperform African-Americans in this country. It's a flawed argument. Your judging a subset of your population against our whole population. That in itself is flawed logic and no real conclusion can be drawn from it unless you create a common denominator.

      My overlying point was that this is all divide and conquer. I'd rather us all consider ourselves one than try and compete with one another.

    2. No I think Dr. J made my point quite well. You can't compare a handful of immigrants to a whole population.

      Not to mention the unsupported assertion that blacks are lazy and uneducated and have an enslaved mindset.

      We're actually the most educated, wealthiest, most imitatied African population on earth. So um….

      1. Thank you for pointing that out, cause I forget that black people in America are in pretty good in spite of the circumstances… But we can IMPROVE a WHOLE lot more…

        Good Comment

  23. I agree with you about difficulties in accurate comparisons. Chidren of Chinese immigrants out perform everyone.But that tells you nothing about the obstacles facing young black men. I don't know if literacy rates are higher or lower in the US or overseas. I'm guessing it is higher overseasMy overlying point was that this is all divide and conquer. I’d rather us all consider ourselves one than try and compete with one another.

    I agree with you that it is divide and rule.

    The spoils of misspent youth.

  24. Before I get out of here because it's Thursday and that means i'm going to happy hour. I want to thank y'all for sticking with me. It's real hard to do a series because you start and you don't know how it's going to be received. As a writer I have no idea if you're going to #nosign my first two posts and I won't make it to this post. Monday is the end of "Black" history month, so next week i'll be on to the next topic. Thanks for reading. I hope y'all enjoyed the ten points.

    I know y'all don't expect this out of me as a writer, I wish I could list all of you who commented, "I was surprised this was Dr. J" but on the real, there's a time when you can be deep and there's a time when you should entertain. For those of you who want to see the deeper side, you should probably check me out on my personal blog at The Book of Jackson. Or, tweet me: @DrJayJack.

    1. Sambaguy,

      I don't know how accurate that map is. However, only Barbados is higher than the United States. But also of minor note is that Trinidad & Tobago is listed as 99%, but also has a 17% poverty rate. Those two figures are usually right around if not equal. The logic is, you'll need access to education.

      However in the SOTU address Obama just stated that around 20% of our country was not able to read at the appropriate level. So with that said, these numbers are off. I've been doing a little digging around, but we all know that these numbers are skewed. Thank you for your research, but i'm sunsetting this issue because the point remains the same, we're comparing apples to oranges. And i'm not going to go back and forth with you any longer. You got it.

  25. Thanks for the color-coded literacy map, though it was pretty inaccurate (a couple European countries were colored white, but they weren't even on the list. Among them Norway, that has pretty much the highest average per capita index in the world and guaranteed 100% literacy rate). I'd just like to point out that Africa is a continent, not a country, and as the map points out literacy rates range widely in different African countries. So to say "Africa has a low literacy rate" is actually extremely racist.

  26. This post was a good read 🙂 A close friend and I were debating about the billboard yesterday and all sorts of arguments came about regarding our people. I also feel that we as black folk need to stop getting extremely defensive when our dirty laundry is aired…rather than continue to blame "them" or "the white man" for issues our race faces we need to learn how to do better…stop depending on the governments handouts and work hard and righteously to obtain wealth…leave the assistance for those who really need it…start a legacy so that your childrens children will be successful…let go of the "hood rich" mentality…and about that billboard…the message they are trying to relay I comprehend but the way the message is presented is very defective in my opinion…why not just display the alarming statistic on the billboard rather than the statement they decided to use? It may just be me reading too deep into the statement but I feel the message goes way beyond the topic of abortion :/

  27. I KO'd last night, so I wasn't able to contribute to the discussion. I enjoyed reading the original post and the comments, though. I'm still braindead, so I'll leave it at that.

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