Why Are All The Pretty Girls Married?

  • Share on Tumblr

I catch the Metro everyday to work.  There are a few things that I typically spend my time doing; reading everyone’s new blog on my phone, listening to hype music to get me through the day, and people watching.  For some reason, I always notice the pretty women on the train.  Why?  Because there’s typically only about three or four on a car.  And no I’m not talking about cute or well put together, or dateable, I’m talking about pretty women.  “Pretty Women” are defined as women who are widely regarded as better looking than the rest of the women in the world.

I am one of those guys who has the privilege of having a best friend who happens to be a pretty woman.  And it’s not just her because I have several female friends that this applies to.  Check this out:

Momma: I just don’t know what I want to do, or who I want to be with.  I need to find a husband.
Baby: That’s okay though.  What do I always tell you?  You don’t have to worry about those things because you’re beautiful.
Momma: Thank you Baby Jackson!

One thing I always notice about the small number of pretty women on the Metro in the morning is that they are almost always married.  And then, after exiting the train I have to cross what some have dubbed “The Golden Triangle.” I’m from DC and have no idea why it’s called this, but, it might have something to do with the fact that the intersection at Connecticut Ave. & K Street NW consistently yields some of the most fashionable, attractive young professionals in the city. As I cross I notice, again, all of the pretty women have engagement rings, wedding bands or both. What’s going on here?

After careful consideration, I figured it out for myself, not to say you will agree with all of this, but:

No Man Wants to Feel Like He F*cked Up

Nobody goes to the car lot and says, “Let me get that old beat up joint, it’s got character.” Yeah, you’ll do that if you’re broke, but most men don’t go to the car lot broke.  Every man has his dream car, and he probably can’t afford it, but he ranks his options from the dream car to the hoopty.  And that’s the same way men are with women.  They are almost never looking for the hoopty.  Yes, if their credit is messed up and they don’t have enough cash, they might end up with the hoopty, but they are never checking for that first.  They are trying to get a woman that they can sport around town and feel proud about it.

Pretty Women Have Less Barrier to Entry

If I’ve learned anything about women, it’s that pretty women don’t worry about other women.  Typically, these are the actions and thoughts of women who are used to being passed over for the more traditional perception of what pretty means. Pretty women also don’t hold it against men that they only like pretty women.  Unlike the other women who have a tendency to hold a man’s appreciation for beauty against him.  Do you know what that does for your self-esteem?  It causes your thoughts and conversation to be inundated with consistently trying to prove that a man who is attracted to pretty women has some type of complex.  Which in turns only goes to prove to everyone that indeed that woman has an inferiority complex.  For example, “The only reason why you like Lauren London is because she’s pretty.” But pretty women don’t share this same complex which leads to women defeating themselves.

Pretty Women Don’t Have to Do Extra Credit

I feel sorry for women who feel they have to do a little extry just to get ahead.  I think that pretty women aren’t those type of women who feel like they have to be a little skanky to get a man.  In fact, and I’ll argue this to the day I die, a man will put up with a pretty women with a wack sex game before he’ll date a busted women with Uranium poon.  It’s a fact.  This allows pretty women to be less stressed and tired of being sick and tired.  Remember that scene from the Color Purple, “All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men, but I ain’t never thought I’d have to fight in my own house!” Yep, you never going to hear a pretty woman say that.

Pretty Women Can Pretty Much Do What They Want

And what this means is that if a pretty woman wants to get married, there’s almost a 100% chance she’ll get married in a week.  I’ve seen pretty women not have money for their dinner, not do homework for semesters, tell men to put their coats down in puddles and even carry them.  Let me tell you a secret, if an ugly girl asks a dude to put down his coat for them, he’s going to make sure to step in that puddle so it splashes over her open toes.  Pretty women get the opportunity to show little to no skill and get a great job.  Trust me, I’ve worked in corporate America with some of the dumbest pretty women in the world, and meanwhile, other women who are really intelligent just can’t get a break.  Case in point, Kim Kardashian, could you see it working if she wasn’t pretty?

Let me come clean.  I do believe that ugly women do get married.  It’s usually because of the fringe benefits she’s able to offer her partner which begin to outweigh looks.  For example, there is a fell chance that pretty women can be a little vapid because they’ve never been asked to bring anything to the table.  Whereas, ugly women develop great conversational skills, learn to be smart and sometimes make a whole lot of money.  There are benefits and advantages to each type of women.  However, don’t confuse what I’m trying to say here, all things withstanding, pretty women have a higher propensity to being married.  And even with that said, I’m left feeling frustrated when I see a pretty woman and she’s got a big fat rock on her finger.  So I’m stuck standing there making a decision; do I take the affordable and serviceable sedan, or save my money and wait until I can afford that Bentley? 

  • Share on Tumblr

From Our Partners

  • tooshy1

    lol @ this article…go with the sedan because the bentley would cost more in car insurance….hehehe!

    all fun and games until the new car smell wears off….

    • http://triibenatiion.tumblr.com/ PrimoSupremo

      GOOD ONE! LMAO

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

      This is a good point.lol. Sometimes it wears off real quick…like when you realize you'd rather watch paint dry than talk to 'em.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      If you go out here and buy an expensive car thinking it's top of the line when it's not, like a 7-series BMW, you'll get upset when the new car smell goes away.

      If you get a Bentley then you're talking about women like Diahann Carroll.

      Hold that.

    • joseph

      now that is funny! And creative

  • Sade

    I've never been able to figure out who men consider to be Pretty Women

    • Hugh Jazz

      See picture of Paula Patton above.

      • Sade

        lol

        I get that part, but that's just one example, or are you saying that if you look like Paula Patton you're pretty and if you don't you're not?

        • Hugh Jazz

          Well, she doesn't necessarily have to look like Paula Patton, but she's not a bad prototype. Gabrielle Union looks very different, but she's pretty too.

    • Amy

      I agree! One man's pretty could be another man's average and another man's ugly.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Sade–

      I'm calling shenanigans. I've heard women say they can't tell who men consider "pretty women." It's bait to get men into a conversation about norms and preconceived notions. You know very well unless you've been under a rock who men consider to be pretty. Men have been assessing beauty … publicly … since grade school.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        "It’s bait to get men into a conversation about norms and preconceived notions."

        LOL. I agree that most know when they're looking at someone who has above average looks. I don't think anyone needs clarification on society's standards however she's right in that the opinions of beauty aren't the same for everyone.

      • Sade

        lol, so I might have been baiting (just a little) but it was from a good place. What I was trying to say is that I think there are very few women that are just universally considered "pretty women". In general, I'm very good about giving women I think are attractive their props (even if I can't stand them). But i've noticed lately, that when I think a woman is drop dead gorgeous my male friends are like they're just so-so and vice-versa.

        So, I guess what I'm saying is there is what I think is pretty and what the men around me think is pretty. It's usually not the same

      • KautiousNupe

        Good Point Dr. J

        Women loooovee to act like they dont understand men's perceptions of beauty…and they love to bait us into these conversations. Good old #bait&switch. Good eye for catching her doing that.

    • Elpee

      Heyy Sade,perhpas you should send me your picture and i'll tell if youre beautiful physically. Beauty is not everything though, a beautiful woman has to have good conversational skills too.

  • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetz

    If you're gonna cop something, cop for real – Jay-z

    • Jacquie

      Ok, hate to dispell your well thought out blog, but I am pretty, intelligent, and all the other good stuff, and single. And no, my mirror is not broken, the men are. lol

  • http://www.highlightstube.com Alfred Epps (@dapper

    lmao at Uranium poon. Sometime you gotta drive the Sedan in order to be prepared to handle the Bentley. I use to go and check out pretty women all the time by wall street in nyc. Now I check them out at B&N. There still pretty women out there though that are single. It's just a whole lot of sedan getting tossed our way sometime because that's what people think we want. #suchislife

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Women alway ssay their poon is made of gold or platinum, but in reality, all the pwerful men of the world have Uranium. It is the basis of all weapons of mass destruction.

  • http://www.blackgirlsareeasy.com nc17

    "And what this means is that if a pretty woman wants to get married, there’s almost a 100% chance she’ll get married in a week"

    and that's why I'm jumping the broom in a few months. Pretty Women, and I know you're talking about the real pretty women not the ones with the broken mirrors, they are usually go getters. If they want a man they know how to stand still long enough for that man to pull them. Sure a pretty woman can fall victim to the same cheating and lying as a below average chick, but a man will be quick to apologize in fear of losing something that beautiful. Reggie Bush, I'm waiting on you to go kiss azz and apologize.

  • http://triibenatiion.tumblr.com/ PrimoSupremo

    I myself tend to wait for the metaphorical Bentley. As a man with waaayyyyy too much pride, the sedan just aint cutting it. I think thats part of the reason a lot of woman become insecure in relationships and are jealous of PRETTY WOMAN is because they feel that their man could do better and is settling with them. That my 2 cents.

    -Primo

  • NaijaSweetz

    Hmph…well, y'all can kiss this Sedan's black ass! #hatehatehate

  • MilleAMillion

    I think a few insecure women died a little on the inside because of this article…hopefully I'm wrong. But on another note…People still get married? Maybe I need a change of scenery. Ive noticed that marriage seems to be a "northern" thing because from what ive seen folks in the south are treating life like one big freaknik ie: Atlanta, Houston, Miami…the list goes on, but maybe I'm still little young and naive.

    • http://twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      People in the South are very much so getting married. I'm one of them :). Several of my friends have gotten married within the past year or are currently engaged.

    • Beef Bacon

      I agree with Animate,

      I am originally from Deep South and most of my classmates are married and we all just hit our 30s.

  • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

    Good Morning Good Doctor,

    I gotta Personal Service Announcement for the men

    Pretty Women Ain't Sh*t (Alot of them anyway…)

    You will be doing them a favor when you treat them like regular human beings (or like the BadBoy, less than human beings)… And the ones that got by on looks for most of their LIVES get it HARD when those looks fade

    Men too many times under appraise themselves & don't realize how POWERFUL & ATTRACTIVE they can be… & settle for what they think are the best women they can have… most women play on that ignorance… (That is one thing I intend to change with Black Men, to know their worth…)

    A Pretty Woman's TRUE value to me, is that I can use her to get all the other wonderful women out there… especially if she lacks relationship intangibles…

    When men give women too much credit (which I was NOTORIOUS of in my teens), they f*ck it up for the rest of us guys who are trying to get a n*t…

    And although I am not on the pretty woman circuit yet… I love me a (unhappily) married woman…

    As men we are doing pretty women a disservice… and it has to stop…

    • http://twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      You will be doing them a favor when you treat them like regular human beings

      This is very true sometimes. Some of these women don't know how to act when they aren't treated like the rare unicorn they perceive themselves to be.

    • http://hazardoussentiments.tumblr.com Kriola

      Damn Adonis, who did you wrong! I think you need a good woman to come along and treat you right because you sound bitter! I'm gonna send good thoughts and love your way and hopefully a nice, pretty, intelligent woman will come your way, treat you right and bring warmth back into your heart!

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        Thank You Kriola…

        I am bitter to some degree… So I will not dispute that… But I am just taking a more realistic view of women & obviously women don't like it when you put your opinions out there VERBALLY…

        I do hope that I attract a woman to build me up a little bit & vice versa… I really wanted her to be black too… But it looks like I will have to do that with other races…

        Just because you are a pretty woman WITH brains & who treats human beings well… Madam, you are in the minority… More on that later…

        Thanks Again

    • QueenT

      Adonis-

      Are you talking about pretty white women? You said you don't even deal with Black women….or am I mistaken? Not that I care..but, you seem to be all over the place in your opinions..one thing is clear, I don't think you like Women in general very much……

      • TellyLongLegs

        Queen T,

        Between you and Kriola, iCant. LMBO and smh.

        Poor Adonis.

      • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

        Damn! You brought it all the way full circle!!!!

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        BAM! I also love the notion that pretty women have terrible personalities. This dude needs a hug.

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          The ones that do have sh*t going for them, are in the minority… & just because you hang out with most of them doesn't invalidate all the other majority of pretty women who have horrible intangibles…

          Thanks for the hug

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        QueenT

        #C'monSon

        Do you REALLY think I would be all over the relationship blogosphere if I didn't like women… I think the fact that I like & care for women too much has been to my detriment…

        Women are fantastic human beings… But as men we have to recognize & respect the fact that they are human beings… Nothing more…

        • KautiousNupe

          Liking and caring for women too much is ALWAYS a detrimental to a man's wellbeing. Physically, Financially, Socially, Academically and Spiritually…excess indulgence in women and the thought of women is extremely dangerous and BETA (from a biological standpoint) You hit the nail on the head good brother. This unspoken rule of thumb is especially relevant when dealing with very pretty women.

          I am not surprised that all the chicks ganged up on you and framed your perception of reality as "bitterness". Even if there is a bit of bitterness there, I am sure thats not the base or the foundation of your perspective.

          Pretty women crave nothing more than to be be treated "regular" They like to be lightly disrespected. THey like to be occassionaly stood up. They biologically prefer nonchalant and aloof behavior from men that they are attracted to. THey dont usually wise up and look for substantial tangibles in men until they reach the age of about 22. Up until that point they are perfectly fine with being slaves to their biological desires (the natural desire to be smutted out by attractive, powerful men) and the social preference for Alpha males or males who exude alpha behavior (bad-boys in the form of college athletes and frat boys, hood n*ggas, tall guys, guys with square jawn lines, big hands and big feets) You shouldnt expect women to understand, accept or enaged in this dialogue with you without extreme bias.

  • http://twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

    I really want to disagree with these points but I'm finding it hard to lol.

    I've always found it interesting that I'm rarely attracted to what other people call these "pretty women". I can acknowledge a woman's beauty but these women are usually lacking some "it" factor to me and therefore don't get more than a 3rd look.

  • http://hazardoussentiments.tumblr.com Kriola

    I would like to add some sorta comment to this but I think 22 is far to young to be thinking about marriage. It was a good post tho gave me some stuff to think about in 8-10years.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Kriola:

      Between me and you, I don't need anyone else's comments on this one. I'm talking to you. I think 22 is the time to think about marriage. Think about the type of man you want to marry and think about the type of woman you want to be. Many times 22 year old women go out into the world at this age and they have fun, make some good and bad decisions and when they are 27 or 28, they look at where they end up and they find themselves lost. They figure out the type of man they want to marry, and realize that he doesn't want them. They figure out the type of woman they want to be, and realize they won't ever be her. So think about it now, even if it changes later, give it serious thought now at 22.

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        We were on the same wavelength simultaneously LOL… I think it was you & a man named (SargeWP) that said white people work on college & love simultaneously…

      • http://hazardoussentiments.tumblr.com Kriola

        That is some mighty good advice and I shall take it! Thank you Dr. J

      • Sade

        I completely agree. I think for me it comes down to this, no matter how young I am, I don't want to do anything that I would be ashamed to tell my future husband/children about. (I'm 20 btw)

        • http://hazardoussentiments.tumblr.com Kriola

          umm I haven't done anything I wouldn't tell my future husband…but my kids, yeah I'm not telling them shit!! they will have to learn how to cover their tracks just like I did.

        • Sade

          Lol, maybe I should edit that a little, I don't wanna do anything I'd be ashamed of my kids FINDING OUT ABOUT. I probably wouldn't actually tell them about my life pre-family either

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          Kriola, your MEAN LOL

          As parents are concerned, I wish all my parent & relatives would divulge the family secrets… It saves me alot of time…

          Saves me some time…

      • StillFly

        @Kriola

        Dr. J's comment is 100% accurate. Have an idea about what you want now. By the time you are ready to settle down the concept will be refined and you won't find yourself settling for any buffoon who comes your way and wants to wife you up just because your pretty.

      • Sophia

        so much respect for this whoop whoop

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      I disagree… If you feel ready then jump… some women aren't ready in their prime & then when they ARE ready & they aren't as pretty anymore… they have a harder time finding a husband… (Respect Your Biological Clock)

    • http://purpose25.blogspot.com/ Elleigh Ann

      Kriola,

      I think that age is a good age to think about marriage. I'm 23 and although thats young, I do know what I want in a husband and life long partner. I dont want kids anytime soon, but I know I want them. I think its good and healthy to at least have an idea at this age of whats wanted. I'm a big advocate of things dont just automatically change once ur married. You have to prepare. Be the woman you want to be in all areas.. be the person you want to attract… and once hes there… together you both will sit on a strong foundation of love and no major surprises once marriage comes into the picture. Additionally, I do think 23+ is the age things should be done w a purpose. No matter what the situation is.

      So anyway… its good to think about it in my opinion.

  • Philos85

    This post is so on point! haha LMAO

    I work in the city in London and i regularly check all the wedding fingers of the fine sisters. Almost everytime their taken.

    In my head im like damn…."somebody hittin that?" lol.

    There is no formula for a pretty woman for all ladies confused on what that is.

    For me its a chocolate sister with her own her (if possible) a decent amount of junk in the trunk and some good dress sense. This is my achilles heal.

    You probably are a "pretty girl" and but dont know know how to put it together.

    Many things women think are attractive to men are not. i.e. weave is worn for women not because men love it.

    check out european especially french african women if you want to expand your styles.

    • WinterNights

      "check out european especially french african women if you want to expand your styles."

      YES

    • Beef Bacon

      Yes, my french professor was black and she was very different yet fly all at the same time. I learned a lot from her.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I want to add that I know TONS of pretty women who walk around with wedding bands who are NOT married. Many times, it's to keep people away.

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        SFG, thanks for dropping knowledge…

        You have just inspired a guest blogpost… (will it get submitted, probably not…) Thanks

      • Kema

        Hah! My cousin use to do that!

  • QueenT

    Pretty women get married and pretty women get divorced….it's not really about "pretty"…once you are married…it's not going to be the "pretty" that keeps it going successfully from year to year….looks fade over time…..I would rather a man marry me because he thought I was beautiful on the inside..that is real talk coming from a woman who was married…to a very shallow man who put a lot of emphasis on looks…he drove me nuts with that sh*t….its really hard to continue to live up to someones ideal of beauty….what I find is that beauty will fade…weight will be added…if you can't love me beyond the physical…then we are not going to make it….so, I would encourage you to seek out a mate who is so beautiful inside..that she radiates beauty on the outside….

    • Beef Bacon

      Co-sign!

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      QueenT –

      Keep in mind, that I never said pretty women don't get divorced. The key clause that most people are skipping over, whether intentionally to prove their own argument or not, is "all things withstanding."

      We're not comparing some dingbat, stuck up, hoebag pretty woman to some phenomenal, smart, poignant and successful mediocre woman. That would be dumb for a man to just go with a woman on the sole basis that she's beautiful.

    • Elpee

      Hey QueentT…you are spot on in your comments. Its up to any man to take all the info in the write ups here and think it applies to real life. My ex girl friend was very beautiful and attaractive but she lacked a couple of other things that are more important to me than looks. If it was for looks only i would still be with her.Marriage is differrent, i guess its a mental thing…..a lot of women are shallow too…and quite a lot of men out there. Being married is not the challenge, staying married is the key thing,,,

  • Thriller

    Only thing I don't agree with is the car analogy. Being pretty doesn't automatically make you a Bentley.

    I've dated a lot of pretty women and they tend to be like Chryslers. Look very good but under the bonnet (personality not physically or sex game) they haven't been up to scratch.

  • TheMostInterestingMa

    I'm sorry, I gotta jump on my Anderson Cooper "Keeping Them Honest" tip on this one Adonis.

    "Men too many times under appraise themselves & don’t realize how POWERFUL & ATTRACTIVE they can be… & settle for what they think are the best women they can have…A Pretty Woman’s TRUE value to me, is that I can use her to get all the other wonderful women out there… especially if she lacks relationship intangibles…
    When men give women too much credit (which I was NOTORIOUS of in my teens), they f*ck it up for the rest of us guys who are trying to get a n*t…And although I am not on the pretty woman circuit yet… I love me a (unhappily) married woman…"

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    This from a guy who, just last week on this same blog, talked about how he settles for white women because black women – in general – don't give him any love because he's a little deficient in the swag department? About how the woman in your neighborhood think you're not masculine enough and a little effeminate because you're a "hopeless romantic." Now, this week you're a powerful, attractive, wife-snatching type dude who's just out to get a nut?

    #WeDontBelieveYou #YouNeedMorePeople

    I'm not letting you rock on these crazy comments from left field geared toward inciting riots. If you're gonna do that, at least keep it consistent.

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

      Welp…

      ¯(.__.)/¯ Ain't much more I can say or do here.

    • TellyLongLegs

      ***nods in agreement with Most and Slim and patiently waits for Adonis to respond***

    • RedLady821

      Poor Adonis, you all just leave that brother alone. He tries hard and he's still finding his way.

    • GirlSixx

      *PushingUpDaises*

      Told my mom to send MOST the bill for my burial.

    • Briiz

      Teach the children! Teach 'em! Lol

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      Give me a moment, I got you…

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      You know MOST, if I didn't read what you called me out on… I swear to GOD, Just by your stature ALONE scares me like a little child

      I am 23 years old… By nature & nurture, I am a feminine male (60/40)… I have been working on being more masculine on & off for at least 3-5 years now (slow process…)

      I am way less idealistic & emotional than I use to be…

      Nothing I said contradicts what I said on Thursday…

      American Black Women Are My First Choice… "Alot American Black Women Are Not Attracted To Me/Most Black Women Suck (50 – 90%)"/So, now, I will mainly seek out White Women, FOR NOW… (The exception to that rule will be FAT WOMEN in general… Then again, a white girl w/o attitude is way better than _________________, you get my drift)

      Two thoughts… We are talking about Pretty Women now, AND I am talking about the guy I am shooting for, rather than the guy I have been now… (FTR, I have no problem dating other men's women… That deserve's its own blogpost…)

      If you see any further perceived contradictions PLEASE point them out…

      I know what I am, I overanalyze myself everyday…

      I will always be a ROMANTIC… I do that for MY enjoyment…

      What I won't do is cast my pearls before swine… After V-Day of 2006, I stopped giving gifts to non familial women altogether…

      (BTW, my brother's girlfriend's brother's girlfriend is sitting to my right, and is bickering with my BG's brother, just because he sucks at putting is BW in his place, Reason #290, not in a rush to get a (black) GF…)

      I am tired of talking about how effed up BW are… I rather talk about their strengths & their positives than their shortcomings…

      (Now, onto addressing my original comment)

      Thank You Most

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        I want to offer you a seat to sit your narrow minded butt in _/. <—See, black women can be nice.

        Now read his comment again. Go back and read your comments in the last 6 posts. Come back and read his comment again. Take a few deep breaths. Log off. Come back and try this again.

        You can do it. I believe in you.

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          I will concede that point… I'm fine SFG…

          I am at best when I am ignored… I will be fine…

          Thanks

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Awww, come on lighten up! You generalize too much, that's all.

        • RedLady821

          Awww, SFG, that was a genuinely nice comment.

      • davon

        you are gay. case closed

  • Tea

    Have you checked out how many unpretty women are married? Tons. Take a day to do that.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      I did consider how many unpretty women are married. There's several reasons why that happens. The word "all" in the title speaks to the propensity and percentage. However, if the title was "Do Pretty Women get Married before Unpretty Women?" then I could sustain your point.

  • il Duce the Grand Na

    "Show me a pretty a women and I'll show you a guy that's tired of ufcking her." (I forgot which movie that was from)

    Don't believe me….ask Halle Berry.

    Dudes who only date "Pretty" women are usually the most insecure. They are so concerned with what other people think that they will only date women that they think other people will approve of. This is why most insecure dudes only date skinny chicks.

    Conversley a good looking dude or female that is secure and confident will date whoever, whether they are pretty or average, cause they know they could have the pretty girls but they don't need to prove it to the world.

    Most dudes that are obsessed with so called "Pretty" women are obsessed with European standards of beauty. You know the type of dudes that think Beyonce and Serena could stand to lose a few a pounds. (Warning: Say that ish around me and get shot)

    Me personally, I avoid pretty woman. They can't ufck, constantly complain and constanly remind you that they have options. It's rare to find a pretty girl with a good attitude.

    And finally the Golden Triangle….all the women look good there but I swear they all look like high priced call girls. I suspect most are just high priced secretaries that get paid to look pretty and answer the phone.

    • RedLady821

      I agree with everything you said. I have been friends with a pretty girl since kindergarten. I watched her never work hard on developing her skills, toss men to the side after they bought her things (one guy bought her a Volvo), she married, divorced, gave her kids back to her husband, went off into the sunset looking for the next "mark".

      You know what happened? She got old and then all of a sudden men no longer wanted to take care of the pretty "old" chick. Nobody's buying cars for you at 49, they're just not. Now she's in school to become a paralegal because she finally had to grow up and pay her own way. She complains about it every single day.

      Beauty fades, character doesn't. Being a good and beautiful person inside counts for something too. Pretty is nice but pretty women run around with a strong sense of entitlement that I'm sure a lot of men get irritated with.

      • Therelucantsocialite

        "Beauty fades, character doesn’t."

        Preach!!! Love this entire comment :)

      • Hugh Jazz

        RedLady821: "Nobody’s buying cars for you at 49, they’re just not. Beauty fades…"

        Unless, of course, you're RedLady, who keeps swearing up and down that she's in her late forties.

        To quote Most via Jay-Z, #WeDontBelieveYou #YouNeedMorePeople. I still refuse to believe you're a day over 30.

      • Beef Bacon

        RedLady-

        You are pretty and you don't seem to have a sense of entitlement…but I digress.

        Pretty is in the eye of the beholder. What's a dime to one may just be a 5 to another.

      • RedLady821

        @Hugh, thank you for the compliment but I am that old. (I will be the same age as my friend in August).

        @Beef, Thank you but I don't consider myself "pretty" (or at least not the level of pretty that Dr. J is talking about on this blog. I just see myself as "ok", which is probably why I don't act entitled.

      • http://www.twitter.com/realtalksuki2 Nsiwm

        Now this is going on my tumblr…

        "Beauty fades, character doesn’t. Being a good and beautiful person inside counts for something too. Pretty is nice but pretty women run around with a strong sense of entitlement that I’m sure a lot of men get irritated with."

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Peter Parker

        "Beauty fades, character doesn’t. Being a good and beautiful person inside counts for something too. "

        One day i'll believe this. Good quote.

        *salute*

    • QueenT

      I disagreed with you yesterday..but, I am co-signing you TODAY!

      • http://livelovesingwithme.tumblr.com LiveLoveSing

        Me too :-)

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Funny thing is, I love when people name Halle Berry because at the same time, they are speaking for someone else and not themselves…

      But just to name a few:

      - Tamia

      - Nicole Ari Parker

      - Chante Moore

      - Angela Bassett

      - Jada Pinkett

      - Mariah Carey (People don't have a clue how many BEAUTIFUL women Nick Cannon was pulling before he settle down with this one)

      But i'd beg to differ, you keep naming the people who are tired of banging Halle Berry, and i'll keep naming people who are pretty who's husband is NOT tired of banging her.

      PS – Keep in mind that Halle Berry has no short list of suitors and never has a problem finding a husband whenEVER she wants. She's been married twice and after all that, found a supermodel to have a child with. Halle's a bad example in my book.

      • il Duce the Grand Na

        None of those women's husbands are with them because they are pretty. Grant Hill, Will Smith, Boris……I'm sure they all have had women prettier than their current wives.

        • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

          You quoted Halle Berry, but also David Justice, Eric Benet and Gabriel Aubry all could have prettier women than Halle. #imjustsaying

      • KautiousNupe

        Nick Canon was definitely leading the league for a long period of time. He was knocking down bad jawns from all over the globe (several of which are not on the radar because they are not famous or have careers in entertainment). I love it when n*ggas hate on him and ask "how that goof ball, be pulling these jawns. He prolly dont even know what to do with that". I just shake my head..and be like yall dont even know dude, lol.

  • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

    I saw who wrote this and I was all set to disagree. But I can't. I'm pretty and while I'm not married (yet) I do know that I am not expected to know how to read, cook, have a pleasant disposition, etc. I swear, when men and employers figure out that I can read and know the proof to the quadratic formula, the whole matrix gets confusing for them. Newsflash: You don't have to couple up with a swamp donkey to be happy. I think my wellrounded-ness comes from being raised with the focus on being smart. I remember my mother down-playing my childhood cuteness and making me read for company.

    The downside of pretty, however, is that if dude A doesn't act right, she can bounce–hard, because there are three more men waiting in line. Men today don't handle this that well since they're the ones used to being the sought after person in the relationship. Admittedly, this can cause a pretty woman to end up in a cycle of 'better dealing' until she reaches the point where she just says, "Eff it. I'm tired. Time to get got and down the aisle."

    • DeKeLa

      I was with you till you said this:

      "Men today don’t handle this that well since they’re the ones used to being the sought after person in the relationship."

      When in history have men been the "sought after" ones in a relationship?? Last time I check, we were the ones paying for first (second, third, all) dates and driving you home and the whole shebang..

      • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

        You ain't know?! Women are out here chasing Black men down. They're asking them out, paying for dates, trading snatch for the opportunity to maybe just bask in his glow for 17 minutes. It's happening at alarming rates.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      "I saw who wrote this and I was all set to disagree." – Ms. Smart

      #cmonson

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I always agree with you but THIS:

      "Newsflash: You don’t have to couple up with a swamp donkey to be happy. I think my wellrounded-ness comes from being raised with the focus on being smart."

      LOL I double cosign. I kid you not, I care way more about being intelligent in life than I do about looks. That's how I was raised. My parents are gorgeous, (dad is 59 with a 6 pack, mom is former model) and all they preached was life and smarts…not looks. It is possible to meet a well rounded, attractive woman AND be happy. People need to quit this myth.

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        Agreed

      • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

        Maybe men who couldn't get pretty women and ugly women teamed up to create bad press for pretty women. It makes them feel better about not been blessed with the genetics for a symmetric face, clear skin, and good teeth. If a pretty woman is anything less that sunshine, goodness, and soft light, she's considered 'stank' and charged the pretty girl tax. But a less symmetrical face can get away with that same disposition and nobody bat an eye.

        Also, I give more credit to the not-genetically-attractive woman who can pull herself from a 5 to a 7.8. We give too much credit to people for just being born attractive. I tell people to compliment my parents but even that isn't exactly right because they didn't conspire to make attractive kids. All they did was screw while my mother was ovulating.

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          HA! I like you. I can think of plenty examples of people who can say whatever rude sh*t they want and others don't bat an eye but when an attractive person says it, she suffers from entitlement attitude. lol An over-weight woman can say "skinny bish" and it's funny but let that skinny girl say something about over-weight women, etc. Women can be catty, mean and haterific but let an attractive woman say anything less than nice…oooh she thinks she's better! lol That makes me chuckle.

          And the men are no better. I seriously side-eye any man who meets a woman who he finds beautiful but purposely stays away and goes after an "insecure chick".

          It all boils down to insecurity and intimidation. We really need to let this go. Looks attract, personality keeps. You like the looks, great…the personality keeps you, great. lol

        • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

          You're alright with me too! The other thing that gets very little light is that sometimes men have negative attitudes about attractive women because those men know they lack the ability to compete with other men for the pretty woman's affection. And then there are the men who get with pretty women with the sole intent of treating the women foul. These men are usually still upset about some pretty girl he didn't get in high school. So once they got three cents, a condo, and car, they have access to the women they think were the hot chicks in HS. I'm in the DC area. I see and experience this a whole lot.

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Ok Imma let you go but I gotta cosign one mo gain! Lol If I had a dolla for every man who finds me on facebook and sends me a msg to tell me how great they're doing now, how much money they have and how much I missed out because I turned them down in highschool, etc. (BUT sends me a friend request.) Really? So because I didn't want to date you at 17, I'm a b*tch at 30? All the time girl. lol It makes me feel that some people are just bitter.

  • AmbitiousOne

    I know a couple of pretty women that are actually really unhappy and think that less attractive women win because men are afraid of approaching pretty women> O the Vanity<

    I think men are smarter than that these days. They aren't marrying women simply because they're pretty anymore. They know beauty fades. You have to be beautiful on the inside too.

    I really believe that only suckas are letting pretty women "do anything they want"

    Being pretty alone isn't cutting it anymore, but is being pretty a plus… yeah I think so it can be the sprinkles on top of the cupcake.

    Saying that Pretty Women prob start off the race winning but Pretty Women with depth finish first : )

    PS: I do consider myself to be a pretty woman

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      There are ALOT of suckas who live in the MALE department, and women have been attracted to assh*les for at eeast for the last 200 years (talking out of my a**),

      at least pretty women will keep winning on that front…

    • NeeNee

      SO TRUE! All the average looking (and below) girls are getting married and the pretty ones simply aren't. My bff is GORGEOUS and can't find a decent man to save her life. It's not all about looks with men.

  • il Duce the Grand Na

    P.S. I don't think pretty girls are married anymore than average looking people. I think people who want to be married are married. Has nothing to do with how you look.

    I think if anything good looking people are more likely to remain single since they always believe they could snag a wife or husband if they wanted to.

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      LOL… So True… Hubris is a B*TCH

  • Girl Politik

    OMG at the Sophia's from the Color Purple! That's my favorite movie of all time. I don't know about your premise though. As folks move into their late 20s early 30s, folks just get married. I've seen ugly ones, fat ones, even retarded (literally-mentally handicapped) get married. Pretty girls are no exception.

  • Chloe

    *Raising my hand* and voting for "waiting until you can afford that Bently". I'm pretty….and married #just saying. Did I have to work hard to get him [because I'm pretty]? Ummmm no, I didn't work to get him because I'm a woman. And I don't believe any woman should have to work harder than the next….there should be balance when choosing a partner. Not just Ima "put it on him to make him stay" or "Ima buy her a whole bunch of ish and she won't go anywhere". And I really wish people would stop equating pretty women to being dumb. You know what that's called? Hate. There are plenty of pretty women, average looking women, and uglies who are retards. Don't just give the pretty women the "dumb" crutch because you feel like that's the only flaw she could have. And I'm not saying you did that in this post (maybe a little) but A LOT of people do….and it gets on my nerves.

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      #CmonSon

      I agree with on where the retards are… But pretty girls get the flack for that

      That is a small price to pay for being pretty…

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Hate aint even the word lol….jealousy, envy, insecurity, intimidation, etc. Dr. Jay hit the nail on the head when he said that pretty women ARE NOT worried about other women, they're too busy winning. Most people want to date someone who they are attracted to. There's nothing wrong with that.

      I also want to add that I know more dumb, rude, b*tchy, unattractive women than I do pretty women.

      • Chloe

        Ha! Small price to pay for being pretty…really??? ugh.

        You know what kind of person believes in that logic? nevermind.

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          WOE as me…

          (exaggeration)…

          When you are a millionaire, don't come to me talking about your money problems…

          Manage that sh*t… or burn your face & try being ugly…

      • TellyLongLegs

        "I also want to add that I know more dumb, rude, b*tchy,  unattractive women than I do pretty women."

        #Cosign. I've always noticed the most loudest, rude women/men are usually the unattractive ones. They're also the ones walking around calling people on their imperfections.

        "The loudest one in the room in the weakest one in the room"- American Gangster

  • Hugh Jazz

    Adonis: "Pretty Women Ain’t Sh*t (Alot of them anyway…)"

    This.

    il Duce the Grand Nagus, Master of the Rules of Acquisition “Show me a pretty a women and I’ll show you a guy that’s tired of ufcking her.” (I forgot which movie that was from)

    Don’t believe me….ask Halle Berry.

    And this.

    As someone who has been with his fair share of pretty women and is in a committed relationship with a pretty woman now, it's a little overrated. It may be nice to have some eye candy on your arm, but pretty will only take you so far. If she's not bringing anything else to the table, a man will realize there's other women out there and she'll get dropped like she's heavy as he11 (#Kweli).

    And as hard as people are going after Adonis, he is right in the fact that treating pretty women like regular women usually shocks them and they become more interested.

  • Beef Bacon

    I read somewhere that one should NEVER marry for beauty.

    In the Quran it teaches:

    "The primary consideration in selecting a spouse is the commonness of ideologies rather than beauty and status"

    So if people are marrying for those superficial things, maybe that's why the divorce rates is high.

    also,

    "A marriage between a man and a woman of alien ideologies will make family life a veritable hell. On the other hand, a marriage between a man and a woman of similar ideologies would be paradisiacal. In the same verse, it has been stated that a believing slave is better than a (free) mushrik, even though the mushrik looks enchanting. A slave with a low status is better if he has similar ideology as you have. Even though he is not very good looking, the similarity of ideologies and thoughts is more likely to result in a happy conjugal life than beauty or status."

    http://quranicteachings.co.uk/marriage.htm

    • RedLady821

      @Beef, I like this. My sister is Muslim and also teaches me readings from the Quran.

      • Beef Bacon

        When I see things that make sense mathematically speaking, I share with everyone around me.

        Marrying a man/woman that is equally yoked, on the same page or whatever you want to call it makes sense. If that person happens to come in a pretty package…that is awesome.

        Looks should not be the foundation for any relationship though…as everyone stated, beauty fades.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Solomon was the wisest man in the World and he was only pulling pretty woman.

      And imagine if Jacob hadn't have held out for the prettiest daughter.

      • Kema

        Not a good comparison…. They could have many wives and I'm sure they could just send them away when they were bored with them. They didnt actually have to talk to the women.

        Now you on the other hand pick a woman who's just pretty and see where that gets you. lol!

  • Peyso

    I cant agree w/ you fam. To be honest, the chicks that I see marry, at least in NY, are the fat chicks. Word life any fat chick, that is somewhat put together, is married. I dont know what it is.

    If all of the pretty women were married, i think half of the "woe is black women, b/c her wombs are tombs" conversation would not be happening

    • DeKeLa

      I'm going to have to disagree with you fam, I'm also in the Big Apple and constantly check that ring finger… The ratio definitley favors the pretty chicks than the big-ums(unless they got the donkey from Shrek under dem jeans).

    • Kema

      "Word life any fat chick, that is somewhat put together, is married. I dont know what it is. "

      I will tell you what it is! This reminds me of my best friend. Big girl been married for 7 years now. The difference between her and most women (myself included!) is she really takes care of her man. I mean old school style.

  • DeKeLa

    I want a Pretty woman, with a PhD in Mathematics or Engineering, that knows who Lacey Duvalle is and knows Sin City isn't only in Vegas.

    My colleague just came from BWEL event (Black Women in Entertainment and Law) and said he lost damn mind, offering his paycheck to woman.

    Now that my friends, is a Pretty woman.

    • Corey

      Um….is that event invitation only???

    • Kema

      Will a master's in Math do? #ijs

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    Does anyone know what happened to Eddie?

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      CTFU

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      LOL meanie. Eddie is a nice guy and you guys are big bullies!

    • Eddie Brock

      Right here. Why, you miss me J?

      #letshugitoutbish

      I actually agree with most of your points. The beautiful ones #prince do get it easier for the most part in life and yes, sadly some of the baddest women on the Metro have something on that left finger.

      *goes back to reading NPR*

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

    I was thinking about the women I've seriously dated for more than 6 months and I wouldn't say they were considered Bentley-types in the looks department. They also weren't ratchet hot messes either. They were each attractive in their own way and their personalities enhanced whatever it was that first drew me to what I liked on the exterior. I figure it'll be the same for whatever woman I marry. I've dealt with a few 9.5's and they heavily relied on their looks for everything. It ultimately turned me off in each situation. Well…that and the lack of communication skills.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Slim's comment made me think of at least admitting something…

      I'd have to say that I can think of a few women that I dated and put up with crap only because she was pretty. And now looking back on those relationships/situations, I may tell people she was crazy, a perfectionist. She was always that way! But she was BAD, so I didn't care. I even dated a girl who was a certified 10.9998. Her biggest flaw? This girl thought she could do whatever she wanted, when she wanted. And if you didn't give her what she wanted she was conniving. For example,

      her: Are we going out tonight?

      me: I don't know, I was thinking about hitting the movies and taking it back to the crib.

      her: Oh, I thought we were going out.

      me: To be honest, i've been out all week, i'm not trying to go out, just want to chill tonight.

      her: Well, let me see what "my friend' is doing tonight.

      o_O | *_* | o_O

      Problem is, I ended up dating this girl for almost a year. (Sidenote, the thing she did to bother me the most was touch my radio, often and a lot. If she was on the phone she would turn it down, when I was on the phone, she would turn it up.)

      Not for nothing, i've attempted to date some not so pretty women just to be fair. And their attitudes were all stank. It was like they were mad at the world, or at least mad at the pretty girls.

      cue Wale.

  • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

    OMG, this post is just…lol I love you Dr. Jay but there are waaaay too many generalizations in there. I can't speak for pretty women because I'm 4'5" and 300lbs but I can clear up some myths cause I got pretty friends.

    Yes, pretty women can marry faster. If she wanted to be married, she would be married but some pretty women don't want to be a trophy. Some of them are waiting out for the right one. Not all of them jump into scenarios for the sake of it.

    Yes, pretty women have fewer barriers than average looks but you can't ride on looks forever. There are many pretty women who have actually worked hard to get where they are at AND deserve it. O_O Shocker. lol

    I know you're just joking but I do hear alot of women say that pretty women are dumb, lazy, don't work for anything, get by on looks and are just objects. LOL these stereotypes are funny. I think it's something people tell themselves to feel better at night. Some of us are better looking than others. Blame their mommies and daddies. Everyone capitalizes on their strengths, not just attractive people.

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

      I laughed at the thought of you being 4'5 and 300 lbs.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        AND I gotta donk. Don't hate. lol

        • Eddie Brock

          ( )( ) :0P

    • DeKeLa

      Big girls need love too. Come to Daddy.,

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Thank you baby. :)

  • Vee

    Yay for all who didn't agree with this post. I was going all "what now??" when I read this but the comments made me believe in mankind again ;).

    Seriously, though, I have a friend who is a model and is one of them "pretty women", but she has had SHITTY luck with men pretty much all her life. Yes, her beauty gives her a lot of guys to choose from, but somehow she keeps making the wrong choices I guess. Or maybe life with a woman as pretty as her is hard on men, especially the insecure ones. So I definitely don't envy her on that department. I'm cute enough for my guy :D.

    As for other things, like jobs and such, it does sometimes seem unfair that the really pretty ones get the job with less qualification, but then again in my line of work there is very few really pretty ones who even apply so it doesn't really matter that much to me. And the more women get to positions of power, the less looks will matter, right? :)

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      When people say things like, "I have a friend who is pretty."

      They sound like white people who say, "I have plenty of Black friends."

      They are definitely talking about the exception and not the rule.

      • Vee

        Obviously. You said you weren't talking about the good-looking ones or cute ones, just the real pretty ones like Halle Berry and such. Right? Well, she's the only one of my friends who is a model. I don't know how many models you hang out with. I was just saying, from my personal and limited point of view, the "pretty one" hasn't had such good luck with men, and from that I concluded that the pretty ones aren't automatically the happiest ones.

  • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

    As I said on Twitter, you really had me thinking on this one today Dr. J today I just happened to just get around to commenting. Warning: I'm about to write a thesis. Before I begin. This line killed me and I agree like-a-mug:

    "In fact, and I’ll argue this to the day I die, a man will put up with a pretty women with a wack sex game before he’ll date a busted women with Uranium poon. It’s a fact."

    Anyway, as most of yall know, I'm a pretty equal opportunity dater. I'll date anything but when it comes to the girlfriend/wife, I usually restrict this to the "pretty model types" because I'm superficial. I've tried to get better about this but it is what it is.

    As il Duce Pointed out earlier:

    "Dudes who only date “Pretty” women are usually the most insecure. They are so concerned with what other people think that they will only date women that they think other people will approve of."

    and

    "Me personally, I avoid pretty woman. They can’t ufck, constantly complain and constanly remind you that they have options. It’s rare to find a pretty girl with a good attitude."

    Both good points and in my opinion, true. However, this doesnt contradict what Dr. J's saying for two reasons: 1) Insecure or not, dudes will check for the pretty chick. 2) To the second quote, as Dr. J said, most dudes will stay with the pretty chick with avg sex over the ugly chick with great sex.

    Now here's my thesis:

    I think I'm about to coin a new term here but I refer to this as "new pretty." It cuts two ways. 1) New pretty are women who aren’t use to being pretty. Either they got fine over the years, breast implants, they lost weight, their ass gained weight (got phat), whatever what have you, but something changed and they got fine. THESE WOMEN DO NOT KNOW HOW TO ACT. They aren't use to being pretty so they loose their damn minds and [garden utensil] themselves out. They don't know how to handle the pressures of being pretty. They either do the former or they become so stuck up they STILL sit around unhappy and single just like when they were ugly.

    2) New pretty affects men too. As il Duce and Dr. J have pointed out thru different means, some dudes don’t know how to deal with pretty women. It's like new money. They hit the lottery and spend it all on a drug/sex/party filled summer and be broke in 90 days. Same goes with pretty women. Pretty women can always find some simp to wife them up despite the fact that they are denser than a rock and don’t offer any more than their looks. Then you got two idiots, usually with kids, who are unhappy because they got with each other for all the wrong reasons. Him to fulfill his insecurities and her to have someone stroke her insecurities. I'd bet a lot of pretty women are also unhappy in those marriages you mention if all they offer is their looks. Sh*t will get old for both parties.

    Plus, I think we can all agree finding a well rounded pretty woman is 1000000000x harder than finding a well rounded ugly/average woman.

    Anyway, good post. Although I'll tell you now I have a post in mind that COMPLETELY contradicts this one. I'll get that in the queue. To get the shoot-out started, my theory is actually that some women are too pretty to marry (or stay married).

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      Reading WIM's posts is #Winning

    • Kema

      "To get the shoot-out started, my theory is actually that some women are too pretty to marry (or stay married)."

      I agree… I think pretty women have too many options and therefore will not put up with as much. I see a lot more average ride or die chicks married. lol!

    • Corey

      Actually in my personal experience if you catch "new pretty" right when it's fresh out the box and they haven't fully figured out what's happening you can be winning for a while. Only problem is when the reality sets in and she start actin a d@mn fool she gots to go!

      • il Duce the Grand Na

        **Charlie Sheen Voice**…………"Winning!"

        ROFL…..my new favorite phrase for 2011

  • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

    I chuckled at this post. I know a ton of pretty/beautiful/gorgeous divorced women. You don't know the shelf life of these unions, all you see is the ring. if you are rushing to take the biggest and the baddest off the market without doing proper carfax/due diligence to ensure its not just a shined up pretty lemon…when that joint breaks down on you and leaves ya stranded–or wants to upgrade themselves to a better model…well, there ya go.

    Not saying its right or wrong, just my own observation. I agreed with a lot of things mentioned here but like others said there were a lot of generalizations.

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      #Co-sign

      (um, yeah this basically says what I wrote above if only I knew how to say what's on my mind in under 1 million characters)

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Reecie:

      My thoughts on generalizations.

      Let's say you're looking at a group of Black women and 7 out of 10 of them are single. And I make the conclusion, "Most Black women are single." Someone is going to call that a generalization. However, it's the truth. I think that what happens on a lot of blogs is that people want to disagree so badly, that they immediate call "generalization" and search for an exception for the rule.

      "My friend is pretty and she has a kid and is divorced at the age of 24."

      Cool, but honestly, is your friend the exception or the rule?

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        I think that what happens on a lot of blogs is that people want to disagree so badly, that they immediate call “generalization” and search for an exception for the rule.

        THIS!

        Thirsty To Disagree!!!

        Say what you want, I am quick to agree if you make sense…

        But all I ask is that you give the topic at least some thought… I can respect a thoughtful rebuttal… <DEL> Even if you are JUST WRONG LOL </DEL>

      • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

        I agree with you absolutely. generalizations can be truth. just like how some stereotypes are truth.

        I just put that out there cuz folks like to say something isn't valid because its also general. I agree with most of what you said, generalizing or not. sorry if it came of if thats the reason why I didn't agree.

  • http://www.twitter.com/RealTalkSuki2 NSIWM

    Lol! You're a troublemaker lol Tunde was right

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

    i agree wholeheartedly with this post. every man wants a pretty woman. this man included. only thing is with me a pretty woman will only go so far. a pretty woman with an ugly personality or no intelligence what to speak of is boring or overall ugly to me. what i want is to catch that perfect storm. a pretty woman who has that killer personality and is attractive and overall nice. now that's the woman you date. that's the woman that you want everyone to meet and you're proud to say "she's with me."

    there are no so attractive women who will read this post and be offended but there's no reason to. it's life. there's a person for everyone. not everyone has physical beauty as a deal breaker. sure its nice to look at but using dr. j's analogy with the car dealership. sure that range rover is nice to look at and you want everyone to see it but what about the maintenance costs. after a while that honda accord ain't looking too bad.

    • Chloe

      That's why generalizaitons can't be made about all pretty women being stupid, borning, ugly personality, etc….yeah personality is important and should be a deal breaker but in the end you still want a PRETTY woman….with a "killer personality". Being pretty #winseverytime

      • Hugh Jazz

        It's not so much that pretty women are "stupid, borning, ugly personality, etc" per se, but often their beauty makes them overlook their other shortcomings and not work to address them. But this is true of any quality that is in low supply, not just beauty, and not just with women. Wealth, fame, or power will make some men not work on other areas of their personality, because they can easily pull women without doing so. A woman with a killer body with a face that looks like mud will get away with a lot, because most women don't have killer bodies.

        This doesn't mean that the beautiful are always, or even usually, lacking in other areas, but it is not a rare occurence.

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          Thanks for putting that out there, this happens with Athletes… They dedicate their lives to keeping their bodies in top shape, and never work on their intelligence (& sometimes their street smarts) & "Basketball Wives" (Not the prettiest women BTW) type women play to that

          http://www.balleralert.com (I LOVE this website BTW, just for its mere existence…)

  • Cara Mia

    Typically, I agree with most things you post. Even reluctantly. In this situation, I can't say that I disagree with you, I'd just like to point out, I'm pretty sure you could remove "pretty" and add "confident" and yield the same results. You also can't pick "confident" women out on the metro, and can't count how many of them have giant rocks on, but you've got Michelle Obama standing next to the most powerful man in the world right now, and she's certainly not this "pretty" woman you speak of.

    I'm not unrealistic in my judgment of myself, if anything I probably sometimes low ball me, but I think I'm regular. I can hold my own in a crowd, but I know I'm not ever going to walk into the joint and be Paula Patton, if you will. But, I have friends who exist in every plane. The uber pretty, athlete, CEO, or actor daters….the ones who will ALWAYS get me in VIP where ever we go, and increase the caliber of man who is approaching me because she's just that fine. I have the CEO herself…the friend who isn't as gorgeous as the last chick I mentioned, but dresses better, makes more money and can still get me in VIP because she either represents the folks there or has her own standing table reservation. I have the friends who are both of those aforementioned ladies, and then I have some friends like myself. Middle of the road, OK looking women. My friends who have husbands, had husbands, are in long term relationships/engagements, or are have been married and are building families are confident. It doesn't matter what the fuck they look like.

    Of course, the women who are drop dead gorgeous have to work less hard to be noticed, but as far as the "less work" deal. Pssshhh. I'm sorry. I have too many successful black men in my life with regular or mud duck wives who ABIDE by the "show me a bad bitch and I'll show you a nigga tired of fucking her" mantra to completely buy into every word that you've written besides they get noticed quicker.

    Real talk, most of the marriages I know that are lasting marriages DON'T contain this "Paula Patton" you've written of. The Paula's and the Lauren London's have the children, are the first wives, or are walking around bitter and eating food on some ridiculous VHI or Bravo reality series. The sound marriages are to the "regular" chicks. Recently you referenced the Tracy McMillan piece that said the same thing. The smart men don't marry Paula, they marry Renee Regular. She's not drop dead gorgeous, but she's pretty enough to work a room. To me, those women are married far more and far longer than Paula. You just probably aren't staring them down on the train in the morning. And to be perfectly honest, I bet you thats because thats either the way their husbands like it, or they probably don't need to ride the train.

  • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetz

    I feel like everyone cosigning on how pretty they are….nevermind daps all around

    I will say I cosign with the comment that talks about pretty women in the bedroom. Some of them are so pretty, they never learned how to properly fcuk and you're left with a dream deferred.

    At the end of the day, you will be exposed whether you have a physical or personality deficiency. It all depends on who's willing to deal with what.

    • Cara Mia

      I was *going* to say something about that too. Like…umm yall know he said Paula PATTON…not Paula Dean, right? But you're correct, daps are in order.

      • GirlSixx

        CTFU…..

        Ya'll killin me today

    • Kema

      I think the problem was that he said 'pretty'. From looking at most of the commenters pics I can say most of the women are pretty. Had he said drop dead gorgeous that would have been a different story. Pretty isnt hard to do.

      • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

        This is a very well protected comment.

  • http://stillnatural.tumblr.com N.I.A. naturally

    You know what, wait until you can afford that Bentley. Granted, you may look up and be 55, single, and the old man in the club by the time you can afford that Bentley. And even when you get it, it will cost more to maintain it, to keep it in perfect "pretty" condition. But, you only live once, so go for it. Besides, you only want the Bentley to be able to say "look ma, I have a Bentley", and to show the Bentley off to all of your friends. What's the mileage like on a Bentley? Well, that doesn't really matter. You won't be driving it much. It's just a show piece. If you like, I love it. lol.

    Now, do pretty women get married more? I doubt it. They probably date more, have more superficial options, but they aren't marrying any quicker than anyone else, especially in the black community unless they're marrying white men.

    • http://www.twitter.com/realtalksuki2 Nsiwm

      *claps feet and stomps hands*

      #CivicKindaGirl ^_^

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      "Now, do pretty women get married more? I doubt it. They probably date more, have more superficial options, but they aren’t marrying any quicker than anyone else, especially in the black community unless they’re marrying white men."

      Welp!!!! You done messed around and added kerosene to the fire!

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Nia,

      I think that what we are doing is speaking emotionally because you haven't given a lot of factors enough thought about why pretty women have a higher propensity to marry. Be honest, the majority of men, and I mean, the majority of men will not marry a woman without considering her looks. Attraction begins with looks. And also, the harsh reality of life is "expectations." There's a large portion of men, i'd venture out to say, 30-40% of men, who plan on providing a home for a wife, whether she chooses to work or not. And like my uncle told me, "that's why I don't understand why women break their necks to get a good education or give off the impression that they are smart, at the end of the day, if food, shelter and clothing is alredy taken care of, what's the point?" And what my uncle was really getting at was the fact that when a man takes up a wife he has a certain list of expectations … and one of those is "procreation."

      Re: Procreation –

      Why are men attracted to "pretty" women? Because their instincts tell them that their children will have a better shot at success. Men consciously and subconsciouly will always go after pretty women. Sure they'll settle for a lesser option, but that's just not how it works. The law of averages kicks in and that's why pretty women will always win. Men don't kick it to average options first and more frequently. They kick it to pretty women. Those men who say things like, "I don't like pretty women because they are stuck up" .. HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES. On the inside, they don't think they have a chance at attaining and molding that woman into a mate.

      And lastly to bring it back to your point about the Black community, our community is full of "complexes" and dating/relationships are on life support. It's survival of the fittest at its best.

      Without getting my head biten off because I believe this, but admit it's messed up, looks are one of the most important factors to women. BUT, for men it's the ability to provide.

      So think about it this way, the inverse…. Why are all the successful men getting married? The answer is simple, 1) because they can, 2) because there is no shortage of suitors, 3) because all the unsuccessful men are trying to be them, and yet we aren't trying to be them, 4) a woman seeks out a successful man because he can provide for her, her children, and give her and her family the best chance to succeed.

      • new2natural

        Co-sign this entire post!

      • Vee

        Women, especially pretty women, are sometimes superficial too. That beautiful lady might know she CAN bag that successful (old, ugly) businessman any time, but she doesn't WANT to. She wants a handsome successful man. Standards of pretty women are getting higher all the time… That's why I don't think that old rich man will be able to get the cream of the crop no more. He can get the pretty dumb one, but not the pretty smart one who educates herself and is good in bed. She's with the younger version of Denzel ;).

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        BAM! <—- that's patois for I agree.

      • http://stillnatural.tumblr.com N.I.A. naturally

        *sigh* Where to begin…

        Why so serious…?

        1.I think that what we are doing is speaking emotionally because you haven’t given a lot of factors enough thought about why pretty women have a higher propensity to marry.
        I wasn't speaking emotionally. I was speaking from a place of me not taking this conversation seriously. You are correct in saying I don't give a lot of thought about why pretty women have a higher propensity to marry. I generally don't think about the relative attractiveness of other women, and how that relates to their dating and relationship success.

        Now, everything else you wrote, I generally agree with, but like I said above, I don't think about. I really don't sit around thinking woe is me, all successful men are married. Is success/ability to provide important? Of course it is. Are looks important? Sure. But who has time sitting around thinking about this shit when the economy is in the toilet, and I just put $55 of gas in my car

        I appreciate your post, but its just not that serious to me. Trust, I'm not emotional. I'm apathetic…

        • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

          My point was to highlight that your point did not come from any type of analysis of the issue, but more about how you felt. You spoke from your emotions, instead of using your mind. I tell people I mentor that all the time, doesn't mean I think they are taking things too seriously or are about to break down and cry. It's just a bad way to present an argument.

          I refuse to believe that your last paragraph was, "not that serious." Refuse.

        • http://stillnatural.tumblr.com N.I.A. naturally

          Oh, J…

          What you see as an issue, I see as something not even worth discussing. Perhaps this is why my analysis is lacking… Pretty girls get married more? And? So what if they do? I can honestly say Paula Patton being married isn't hindering my ability to attract men. And in that sense, I see no issue to discuss. At least not for me. Obviously, there are 150 other comments today that found this a compelling issue. Which is fine for them. I just didn't have the energy to write some eloquently, intellectual comment regarding this issue.

          And you should have seen my second paragraph before I edited it…

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          I see your point and I did get that from your original comment. Who cares? I personally agree. I don't know why many make such a big deal about who's pretty, ugly, real, fake, etc. Btw, THIS:

          "Paula Patton being married isn’t hindering my ability to attract men."

          double BAM!

  • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

    Now that I finished my PSA on pretty women… I realize

    - That it is tough to approached 30+ times a day & not feel a certain way

    - Pay "The Pretty Girl" Tax

    - Never Get Seen As A Regular Human Being Because People A Sprung On Your Shining Example of Genetic Perfection (Which Enables You To Get Away With BS, that average women couldn't never pull off)

    Maybe I have to read the comments again, But I am running out of reasons to feel bad for PW…

    I know this…

    I know I can have & maintain a pretty woman… But I just don't want to do the work at the moment… I'll settle for a average <DEL> FAT </DEL> chick for the moment…

    I hate the way some pretty women treat low value men like ish for approaching them & liking the fact that they are beautiful… When I start dating them… I will call them to the carpet on that sh*t…

    And I AM infuriated that men (& women) keep enabling these women… That is the most egregious move of all…

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      "I know I can have & maintain a pretty woman… But I just don’t want to do the work at the moment… I’ll settle for a average FAT chick for the moment…"

      Heart of the issue clearly stated.

      Also, you also did a bang-up job accurately describing Pretty Girl Problems.

      • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

        I agree.. I am a less than handsome man… Please remind me about "Pretty Girl" Swag… (Seriously…)

        I tend to get jaded when I see Petty Girl Benefits, but what are the struggle's again…?

        • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

          Attractive women aren't allowed to publicly complain about ANYTHING–especially to less attractive women. It's kinda like rich men aren't allowed to complain to poor people.

  • KautiousNupe

    I will add these precious two cents to the argument. I learned as a young bol (born in DC but I used Philly slang from my undergrad days, lol) this very valuable quote:

    ** Show me a beautful woman..and I'll show you a dude who is tired of fukking her **

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      Bwahahahaaa!!! See, now because I was raised in the mid-west, our line was, "Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you the line of men trailing behind her ass waiting for the man beside her to fug up."

      Six in one hand, half dozen in the other.

      Seems like this whole discussion is peppered with people trying to lessen the value of the pretty woman. But seriously, pretty often means that a woman looks more fertile. A good symmetrical face, nice skin, and a good waist-to-hip ratio is really what it boils down to. People want to get the best person possible to mate with. I personally steer clear of men who look like walking diabetes because I can.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      So you have to make a decision who you want to be tired of f*cking, a pretty girl or an ogre. Your decision, either way, allegedly you're going to get tired of f*cking her.

  • Pingback: Too pretty to give head – the correlation between good looks and bad brain | Single Black Male()

  • shruggz

    I'm kinda shocked at this post a little bit. I have only read a few of the previous comments and I usually read each blog but never comment. One thing I love abt all of you guys is tht each post is usually well thought out and gives the issues from different perspectives. I'm sure you are wise enough to know tht looks will only get you so far. All of you guys are extremely intelligent and seem to need much more substance from a woman than her just being pretty alone. This post makes it seem like thts all tht is required. If pu**y isn't power then neither are looks. No man is marrying a woman based on the sole characteristics if she doesn't bring anything else to the table. If a man really loves a woman he'll flaunt her and show her to the world regardless of the rest of the world considering her pretty. He probably thinks she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Anywho I doubt looks are the only deciding factor of whos getting married.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      As the author of this post, I feel bad that you missed the point.

  • http://purpose25.blogspot.com/ Elleigh Ann

    Lol hahahah I love this post! I do believe theres alot of validity to most of the points stated. Esp "Pretty Women Have Less Barrier to Entry"

    I think that has a lot to do with confident women in general. There are many females that have feelings of inadequacy bc they lack confidence and/or feel they're unattractive. In regards to a relationship, that lack of confidence may lead to mistrust, judging and making assumptions wo warrant, and prob excessive questioning…. which can eventually drive one away.
    Moreover, there are many things that can foster confidence. Environment, how one was reared, and attractiveness.

    But what to do with the attractive female in the south that is not surrounded by black males (given that theres an overabundance of white males… esp n professional environments)? Say she decides to date outside her race…the black males get all upset bc shes gorgeous and with a white man (like w Paula P). Ummmm???

    And in regards to intimacy. If the relationship is built in a way that both are 100% in love to the point that they have feelings of fulfillment just by making their partner happy, then sex will be wonderful bc of that connection. Thats why its important to have type of foundation w substance b4 getting involved. Once its there, they will feel like they got the cream of the crop anyway. AND plus, the connection, love, emotions, and all that stuff is heightened during the act which makes it extremely enjoyable.

  • http://www.caramel-glamour.blogspot.com Caramel Glam

    lmao i luv it..ugly women do have it bad

    I get away with a lot of crap due to my cuteness

  • Pingback: Why Are All The Pretty Girls Married?()

  • http://www.unprotectedtalk.com theSOB

    Where I'm from pretty women are just as single as the next woman.

  • Pingback: Who Men Pursue: Sexy vs Beautiful()

  • Pingback: extra credit not applicable… « Us, Bottles, and Friends()

  • http://www.prutledge.wordpress.com Mz. Juici

    This article objectifies women in every way possible. And it makes men look like shallow pigs. There is a lot of faulty syllogism here. For example, you have not once considered the millions of pretty girls that are single or get cheated on or come from horrible neighborhoods and never make it out. You've seemed to create some fantasy in your head where pretty girls have the perfect life and the perfect opportunities. I VASTLY agree that being a pretty woman turns men into putty. And that gets you A LOT of places and advantages. But it also gets you stalked, raped, and caught up in the wrong crowds at an early age. You've also not completely considered the men who need more than a pretty face to turn them on–men who appreciate intelligence, a Love for God, patience. Did you even consider that these pretty women on the train also have these things to offer and thats why they're married? Maybe those pretty women are the total package. I was always taught you may CATCH a man with your outer beauty, but you KEEP a man with your inner beauty.

  • AY

    Pretty faces don't:

    - pay bills

    - don't keep lights on

    - don't teach your kids math

    - don't provide service to your community

    - elevate your spirit (which is eternal and lasts longer than this shell)

    - make you feel good late at night or early in the morning

    - step in as your new family

    Why would you spit out a warped model for marriage that is based on "coppin" some movie stars?

    I notice that my female friends who resemble the women you worship (Halle, Lauren, Tamia) tend to attract men that you worship (Lil Wayne, Wiz, Nick). If that is considered a lucky married pretty woman, then you can keep it.

    Black women DO NOT BUY into this self hate bullshit. Read better blogs (i.e. clutchmagonline, Madamnoire, new blackman).

    This is not intellect and doesn't make you any more prepared for a healthy relationship, community or family.

    I hate this blog and have no idea how I ended up reading this article. I think it sets black relationships back to slavery days. BUT, I am so happy that there are some folks on rebutt the ignorance/self hate/ disguised as "male thinking".

    • Starita34

      "I hate this blog " + I take time to read the posts + I comment, even on old posts / even with that vitriol, I acknowledge that good, intelligent discussion is happening = does not compute.

      Also, how does one dispute what a particular man says is his thought process?

      *ribbit*

      • AY

        Black women who promote this blog are desperate for the black male approval that they never received from their fathers. These men have an over inflated sense of self worth, narcissistic and doomed to self destruct. Justifying why generations of black men rather sleep with random disease infested "smart pretty women" then take care of their children is anti evolutionary.

        This "Single Black Male" thinking will prove to result in the death of the black man. Why?because he wanted to live as an eternal 17 year old. These conversations are riddled with post colonial self hate, materialism and anti-self preservation.

        Black women flock because we are desperate for scraps.

        • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slimuel L. Jackson

          Are you married?

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Ay you definitely missed satire.

      I can't honor this with a deep response, but what I will say is that you don't have a blog and I can tell because of the sites that you mentioned. Those sites have content directors who manage what material goes up and which does not. I been around in this industry long enough to know that some sites choose a theme of "black female empowerment." For that reason, you won't see them run an article like the one you see here today. If you spent time today reading the comments, you would see that no writer of this blog is suggesting that all the pretty girls are REALLY married, nor does it mean that if you are not pretty you don't have a chance at marriage. The theme of SBM.org, is "the Black male perspective," and that's what you're getting with seven writers who speak on issues from all different standpoints. We don't have a creative director who tells us our topics and thoughts don't go with the theme of the site. But if that's the type of material you'd like then maybe SBM isn't the place for you.

      Especially if you can't cut through satire.

  • breebree

    So how do you explain Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez constantly being able to get men but not being able to keep them??????

    Men can be sooooooooooooo azz backwards…..I hope they grow up before it's too little too late.

    Yes it makes perfect sense that u desire a beautiful woman…I desire a fine azz cut up like LL type brotha; however besides something "pretty" to look at what else can that pretty woman offer you?

    Honestly I think a lotta brotha's nowadays want an easy like sunday morning yes woman…

    My bff is gorgeous…she was a model for Ebony and Jet and is now a successful nurse. She has a Masters from NYU so obviously smart, funny and just as beautiful inside as she is outside….yet she is still single in her mid 30's like me.

    I told her one day the deep down real reason we're single is because we simply don't put up with half the bullsh** from men that other women put up with.

    One observation I've made is that the women I know who are married and in long lasting relationships have had some bad miserable times and put up with mad bullsh** from men…not always cheating but lying about money and being taken for granted and verbally abused…

    • breebree

      to continue my comments…..

      My point is that men typically suffer some type of consequence many times from being with a "societal beauty" but will still go for them every time….ie Jamie Foxx "Tell Me Why I Always Fall For Your Type" song.

      It would seem that men (and women who go for the prettyboys) would learn from those mistakes…apparently they don't though……hence they will suffer through the same things with each new person…oh well….such is life….*smile*

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Let me preface by saying, I think you're scorned. There are several reasons that you and your bff are single. Let me break this down from a intellectual standpoint because you've decided to miss most of the satire in this post and taken it there.

      1) There's overwhelming evidence that as Black women in America, the more education you gain, the more you will decrease your chances for finding a partner. I don't see that as negatively as it sounds, but the perfect example is that, you test out of a grade and now you're put ahead, but you lack social peers. That's what's happening to Black women in America.

      2) You're in your mid-thirties. Men are and always have been more likely to date younger women, women between the ages of 22-26. It's a very alarming fact, but it's true.

      3) Halle Berry and J. Lo have been widely used as an example for "you can be pretty but you can't keep a man". Simply put, there selection is bad. And the fact of the matter is, Halle can keep a man, she just can't stay married to them. To rebut your argument about Halle and Jennifer, I simply ask you this, "If they were to extend their hand on a New York City street as if they were asking for a cab, but were asking for a boyfriend, would they have any trouble doing so?" Nope, none at all. They can find men, they can keep men, but if your selection process is off, or long term companionship is not something you hold paramount it won't work.

      4) Men actually don't marry the pretty girl, they marry the one that makes them comfortable. Boys marry the pretty girl. In life, there are various types of male characters. You have the ones who are obsessed with possessions. They drive nice cars, have nice jobs, nice vacations, they have plaques for their achievements, and they look for trophy wives. They may find them, but those women may also turn out to be vapid. Then you have men who go out there and look for companionship in a mate. Most of the men I keep the company with we always ask ourselves this same question when evaluating a mate, "Can you logically see yourself dealing with that for the next 50 years of your life?" Peep game, we're looking for companions and we're not looking at the outlook of a possible divorce.

      4b) Are all the pretty girls married? No. I know several who are not. I attribute this to; as I said before, selection, I also attribute this to desires and wants, some women just don't want to be married at this point in their life. That decision may be subconscious as many women will tell you they want a man in their life, but their lifestyles and habits do nothing to suggest they want a man.

      5) You will get no where blaming men for why you are single. You are single because you desire to be single. Do men need to grow up, possibly. But more important than that, is that your comment speaks to the fact that you yourself need to grow up. Not a single companionship has been built by spewing accusations and placing blame on the other gender. Men as not "ass backwards", the person who thinks that men are "ass backwards" is ass backwards. Women must make critical decisions in their dating lives they must decide: (1) Do you know what's best for the man, or does he know what's best for him? (2) If men are so dumb, why can't you figure them out? (3) If men are "ass backwards," what are you doing to help the situation? Are you standing by and complaining or are you out there trying to make a difference?

      5b) I'm not bragging, not boasting this is just the way it is. I get tired of belaboring on why relationships fail and why women are this and that. You know what I did? I took it to the streets. I set up a happy hour for people to come and get dating advice, I talk to women, I am open minded and hear both sides. And not just women, but I talk to men. I'm trying to bridge the gap. Trust me, if you walked in your doctor's office and he diagnosed you and walked out, you'd be upset. Don't diagnose the problem and neglect to write a prescription or teach a remedy. Do something about it. If you internalize this response to your comment, I can almost guarantee that you will not be single in the next 12 months of your life.

      • Hugh Jazz

        1) Do you know what’s best for the man, or does he know what’s best for him? (2) If men are so dumb, why can’t you figure them out? (3) If men are “ass backwards,” what are you doing to help the situation?

        This needs to be put on a t-shirt, or a billboard, or something.

      • breebree

        Cute comment about the T-shirt Hugh Jazz…*smile*

        Dr. J I see the satire in the blog and I see your points…I think we have a different point of view and there really is no right or wrong, no rhyme or reason…just different points of view.

        I wouldn't say I'm scorned…I'm a realist though and see things for exactly how they are and I feel how I feel for valid reasons based on what I see, hear, and personal experience.

        Let me apologize and qualify my statements by saying "some" men are azz backwards because of their thinking with regards to dating and relationships.

        Like I said I know men who go for the "beautiful ones" or ones who think they are "beautiful ones" only to be hurt and go thru a bunch of bullsh** with them and lookin crazy wondering why.

        Especially here in DC. Real talk many of these women got it goin on as far as having degrees, great careers, well rounded, "independent" like the subject of Neyo's Miss Independent song, and yes they look good too, go to the gym and take damn good care of themselves.

        When I talk to men who are from here or have been here more than 10 yrs about why they aren't with the women right here in DC & MD and why they go for me (a chick from Philly who just moved here a few yrs ago) they say with all these women have going for themselves they have no substance but a lot of game.

        But the thing is they still go for them….A guy friend of mine from B-more in his mid 40's always talks to me about wanting a good woman who will one day make him a great wife. He wants to remarry and is the settle down and be with 1 woman type of brotha.

        However the women he ends up with are always these young, pretty sexy hot body chicks with kids and baby daddy drama and he ends up very unhappy with them.

        I ask him all the time why the hell do you keep getting with these types of women??? You should know by now those looks and the sex game will only carry these women but so far…..I tell him he needs to date serious women, even if they are closer to his age or older, and not as pretty with bangin bodies….he says he tries to go for the really good "avg" women but can't stay away from the "young hotties". Still when I talk to him he wonders why he keeps having the same issues with the women he gets with.

        Imo this is what makes many men so azz backwards and crazy as hell….they will keep doing the same ole thing and choosing the same types of women but want and expect different results.

        Now J don't take me too seriously…….I'm a bit of a smart-azz…lol but this is seriously what I see and hear all the time…..You tell me what that says about men (and anybody else like this)……..???

        I agree totally with your number 1….

        your number 2 doesn't apply to me…I look young…men & women always think I'm a lot younger than I am…(like in my 20's). Therefore most times I attract much younger men in their 20's and sometimes much older men over 40 and 50. But I also attract men my own age….even ones who are only 2 or 3 years younger than me.

        For 3 – How do you know those men were the wrong choices for Halle and J-Lo????

        I think Eric Benet is probably a pretty decent dude….I think he loved Halle to death and was very much in love with her but she just wasn't physically there enough for him because she was busy making movies to win Academy Awards…..hence why I think he cheated on her…jmo. One wrong choice for Halle was David Justice…I think he was young and still had a "playa" mentality and wasn't ready for marriage when she married him.

        I think he married her namely because she was "Halle Berry".

        As for J-Lo she and Marc Antony have known each other for decades….There is a song they sang together that was out in the late 90's that i love. I think Marc Antony was the best choice in a man J-Lo made…they have lots in common and both Latino and I think she is waaay more compatible with him than she was with Puffy. However they are getting divorced now after just having twins.

        I agree that men don't always marry the "pretty woman" but most of them do because like the writer of this original post said most times everybody gives pretty people a pass and they get away with more and can do more than avg or "societal ugly" people.

        I've got jobs and free stuff and what not just based on my looks. I was once told I got a job because they thought I was pretty….(the people that hired me were women).

        Some of my girlfriends I've met and become cool with have said if you were a "scrub" and not at least cute I wouldn't be hangin out with you and go out in public with you…..(again these are female friends) lol…..go figure.

        Granted I"m no Halle Berry or Alicia Keyes but my point is we're all attracted to attractive people or people with attractive features.(I like people who have any color eyes besides dark brown).

        Other women gravitate towards and befriend (many times unconsciously) other women who are very attractive.

        Personally I like whoever is funny, nice, and just cool to hang with no matter what they look like. Not all my girlfriends are "Halle Berry's or Gabrielle Union's, and some are bbw's but they are fun and cool and I'll hang with them anytime.

        As for your number 4 your right and I like your differentiation of "men" vs "boys" niiiiice….*smile* I totally agree.

        To sum it up my main point is that unfortunately there seem to be more "boys" than grown men….or maybe thats just here in the DC/MD area. Maybe I need to move….lol

        • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

          I think where you are looking for men is flawed. I live in the DC/MD/VA area, and all those guys I mentioned do too. I can introduce you to at least ten well educated, financially stable, goal-oriented men.

          Also be careful trying to figure out what substance is and is not. I've seen women say, "i'm smart, attractive, and have a lot to offer" but then men see them and are like, "yeah you do one of those things well, and you're not all that great at the others." You have to be careful.

          I had a long conversation about Halle one time where I broke it down;

          (1) She dated Wesley Snipes – he hit her and she went deaf in one ear

          (2) She married David Justice – he hit her down some steps and wasn't the first time she experienced abuse in that relationship before she left him

          (3) She married Eric Benet – he was addicted to s*x it wasn't a matter of her not being around, it was his addiction. At the same time however, Vanessa Williams and Rick Fox were married and faithful and living on separate sides of the country. (The same good guy that Eric Benet is, shares custody of his daugher with Halle Berry, who is not her biological mother, but the courts thought that a custody agreement was in the best interest of the child.)

          (4) She dated Gabriel Autry – He was a child, whom she had a child with, and now she is in a custody battle because of the decision to make a child her child's father.

          Now I could do the same for J. Lo, but i'll just say this; Marc Antony's drug addiction and infidelity issues were widely publicized before dating J. Lo. That's something she thought she could get around, but obviously not.

          Decisions…

        • breebree

          Dr. J Eric Benet never said he was a sex addict..People said that…and it didn't seem like they had any problems in their marriage until she was away working on Monsters Ball and whatever else she was doing at that time. I think the accusation that Eric Benet was a sex addict was put out there quite possibly to take the heat off of Halle and make her look like the innocent victim….and Vanessa Williams and Rick Fox (both of them beautiful people) are now divorced also….so whats your point???

          I think Halle got with Gabriel Autry to try "Something New" lol and have a pretty baby with a well off man who she figured may take care of the child better than a black man and play a more active role in her childs life. Jmo.

          And if Mark Antony had a drug problem he may have been clean and sober by the time he married J Lo.

          At any rate, one key thing folks seem to miss is that nobody is perfect….Everybody has flaws and stuff wrong with them and issues they are working out…..As long as we live as human beings we will go thru sh** and have problems and issues. The only time problems stop is when your dead….thats reality.

          I know married folks who have had problems and issues…..for ex my grandpa cheated on my grandmom for years….but they stayed together…and even though I don't condone his cheating and lying or whatever he stayed by my grandmoms side thru her having alzheimer's disease…he bathed her, changed her, fed her, cleaned up after her, and (continued to raise me by himself and work shift work) and all the while told her he loved her and wasn't going to leave her and he didn't…was there when she passed on. I think God forgave my grandpop for the lying and cheating he did and so did my grandmom…because when it counted the most he was right there being the best husband he could be and never once shirked responsibility and was a great provider. My grandmom never worked while she was married to him. Now my grandmom denied my grandpop sex a lot (I found this out being nosey reading letters..lol)

          So right there was a lot of imperfections and issues in that marriage.

          I don't know if you have read this book or not but if you have not I highly recommend the autobiography of Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee…..This was a couple that stayed together literally til death parted them. However if you read the book about their life together u will see they had a lot of issues too as a married couple and seperated and the whole 9.

          My point is whether your dating or in a relationship or married your bound to have some problems and issues…..there's no way to get around that…it's life and it will happen if you stay with a person long enough.

          Thing is you have to decide if your willing to go "thru the fire" with that person…..and in the words of the late great Luther Vandross if you would "rather have bad times with that person than good times with someone else, and be beside them in the storm than safe and warm by myself, I'd rather have hard times together than to have it easy apart…I'd rather have the one who holds my heart."

          When u find someone you love that much and who has your heart then you can feel like this and your love and feelings and level of commitment for them out-weigh all the bullsh** you may go thru with them.

          As for what substance is and is not….well I've been in the DMV for almost 4 years….folks who are from here have told me that this is not the place for women who want to have long-lasting relationships and get married and have children.

          Reason being many (not all but more do than don't) have this fwb mentality and are all about their careers and don't want to make time for long lengthy meaningful relationships…hence they have sex partners or a sex partner to fulfill that "need".

          This mentality seems to be everywhere with men and women…..which is why I think folks seem to be less likely here to seriously "court" each other and date much less enter into a real committed relationship.

          From my personal experience and what I've seen and heard from folks from here and not from here a good number of men really don't take women out in DC & MD (not sure about VA).

          They meet and invite to their place or ask to go to the womans place and proceed to try to smash….and thats that.

          No taking the time to get to really know that person and who they are and their family life etc etc etc. No letting the woman into their life ie letting her meet friends, some family even if it's not mom and dad, and some guys never take the woman to his place or take her to somebody else's place…..

          Again I'm not saying all men are like this….but again more seem to be like this than not like this…

        • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

          Your point keeps changing, but that's okay sister. I agree with much of what you said and I think after you calmed down from your initial comment you had some good things to say.

          I'm from DC, been here my whole life, in fact, my family is from here. So that comment about "folks who are from here." I won't take offense to that because you said, "almost 4 years" but that was low key insulting. My family has been in this city since the late 1800s, the mere fact that i'm alive today speaks to the ability for a family to stay in tact.

          And actually I disagree with you with that point too. If you think about it, DC has two populations; the transients and the washingtonians. The Washingtonians like myself really love the city and call it home, and plan on being here for a long time, so they grow roots. There's no shortage of weddings at the Gaylord Resorts or in downtown DC, you can drive around on a Saturday and see that or pick up the Express on Fridays, I believe. The transients come in and out usually for a change of pace or because of work. That's a very skilled population. That's almost like dating someone in school, they are well educated, open to change and usually have a lot to offer. A lot of people find partners in DC because that transient crowd is middle to upper-middle class and cultured.

          And again, I challenge you to go to Eatonville on U Street tonight and see how many dates you see, go to Masa 14, go to Donovan House rooftop on Wednesday nights, go to the restaurants on 9th street near Chinatown, go to Jaspers in Largo or Greenbelt, go to Dave & Busters in Rockville, Go to Georgetown later tonight (God save the heat), and you will see couples on couples on couples … on dates. I would like to continue this conversation and really help you out, so if you're really interested in changing some of those opinions, just hit me offline: [email protected]. I probably need more information on your profile to really get to the bottom of your perspective. I'm an open book because I write here pretty often, but since this is the first time i've really exchanged with you here, i'm unsure if I totally can profile you. (I don't mean that in a bad way, just in the general sense that you being to build a profile of each reader based on their comment patterns.)

          But above all else.. enough with the dissertations, let's go have some spirits and enjoy our weekend. TGIF! I'll holla! Email the kid.

        • breebree

          Dr. J no disrespect intended……I'm speaking of folks I know who were born and raised here that I've met since I've lived here…..

          Again I've heard there is a lot of game-playing and experienced it first hand.

          I've also experienced it too….in fact the guys who have taken me out on real dates (not even about who pays) but just talking about men who didn't just meet up with me and invite me to their place to smash were Not from DC…..all but 1 man from DC and MD whether they met me in person or not always asked me to go to their place….never to go out with them…not even for drinks…..I've had one guy from B-more who I went out with on a few dates and had fun but no romantic chemistry.

          Plus I doubt DC has the nations highest AIDS/HIV rate for nothing.

          Honestly I think DC & MD are great states (though DC reminds me a little too much of Philly…lol

          I will definitely holla at you though.

          Feel free to hit me up at: [email protected]

          Yes I will definitely be hittin up a happy hour or something and having me at least 1 good drink…..*smile*

          Happy Friday…It's the Weekend Baaabaaaay! *smile*

          Have a good one J

  • http://howtokissnice.blogspot.com How To Kiss Chris

    Nice article. One thing that guys look for, if they want to get married, is a trophy wife. Someone to stunt with (you know make your friends jealous), someone who they would want to take care of their kids and everything.

  • http://chubby-dating.com/mail.php sploshing parties

    That is really interesting, You’re an overly skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and sit up for seeking more of your magnificent post. Additionally, I have shared your site in my social networks

  • Guest

    And all the handsome guys are single and getting passed over for ugly and average guys who have more money than they do.

  • Disagree

    I think it's usually the opposite. I know a lot of very beautiful, single women in their late 20s to mid-thirties… which is why most of my guy friends always ask me about hooking them up. People who are valued higher tend to hold out longer because they know that they can command better than average at the [dating] 'market'. They're less likely to deal with things they don't like and wind up going through several relationships/marriages. Look at celebs, e.g.: Halle Berry, Marilyn Monroe, Gabrielle Union, Naomi Campbell, Elizabeth Taylor, etc. Pretty women don't feel like they have to settle down with just any man; just as powerful men feel like they don't have to settle down with just any woman.

    I find it interesting that you view this differently. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so maybe that's the root of our differing views.
    http://www.topix.com/forum/afam/TEFKF8IHT77Q6ONKM