B*tch I'm a MuthaEffin MONSTER!!!
I was reading blog posts all over the net this week… OK I’m lying. I actually have been out of it; grinding & working on real life business. I managed to catch the comment discussion on Slims blog about e-groupies and the thirst. As always, it was an engaging conversation. One of the comment homies, SmartFoxGirl, in response to some questions posted, gave her opinion of the SBM writers off first glance/write, and had this to say about yours truly:
“I saw some you tube video of you talking about sports or something.You’re handsome but you seem mean. I dunno why but you do. You could be a douche bag too…who knows and who cares. You’re a good writer though.”
Now, some people might want to fight her have been upset if she kept it real and said that about them, but not me. Its something I’m unfortunately very accustomed to hearing.
Situations like that innocent comment exchange remind me that in life, perception is everything. Based on my classic Pharaoh-with-stunna-shade pic (and a youtube video I shot years ago), she judged that based upon my looks, I could be a complete jerk, while Most never gets ridiculed on the internet and yes I’m hating was commended based off of his writing and perspective on topics.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that someone thought I’d be arrogant, conceited, brash, douchebag off first glance, I’d be rich. The only thing I can control is my personal interaction with people. Once you get to know me, you’d know that I’m the complete antithesis of those negative perceptions (although I am arrogant, as anyone with high esteem of self will be, just not super arrogant).
Think about the scantily clad women you see in the club. The first thought that comes to mind will be “ho”‘ “jumpoff” or some other loose woman adjective. Think about the man who may admit to loving Project Runway or who speaks softly. Some people may question that man’s sexual orientation. Even if you’re not the type to judge, humans all judge instinctively. Societal norms, coupled with cultural upbringing, has us form an idea about people. That’s why non verbal communication is so important to grasp. The clothes you wear, your grooming, and even facial expressions will tell the person looking at you a story, even if the story isn’t true. I’d side eye a dude who went to a job interview in Jordans and ball shorts, regardless if he was best qualified for the job. Books are judged by covers initially, and defined by content.
We also do that in the blog world. A blogger’s writing style and content will make him/her susceptible to scrutiny. If a blogger/writer has typos, grammatical errors, and inconsistencies in their posts, you’ll say that they sound uneducated and juvenile. I write about fitness and people may assume that I’m in crazy shape. I’m not out of shape, but far from a swimsuit model! Since we all write about male-female relationships, some may assume that we either are experts, have groupies, or that we are whores. Whore is a relative term right?
Seriously, these perceptions are why a lot of writers choose to remain hidden (even Slim was a fictional character before he unmasked, and SBM/RCLS remains hidden). We want our writing to speak for itself, and want no outside factors influencing the opinion on the writing. These perceptions we’ve dealt with all our lives, that’s why they say kids are cruel. The dilemma in front of us, is whether we try to control perception, shrug it off and be us, or find a happy medium?
I accepted the perceptions about me, and I just let my words and actions speak those perceptions away. I personally don’t care to cater to everyone because I love myself, know my faults, and choose to work on them and remain genuine. All I can do is keep perceptions in mind, but don’t let a potential miscommunication deter me from being me.
What are your thoughts on perceptions? Can it be controlled? How do you handle it? Do you judge unconsciously or on purpose? What is the best way to control or combat perceptions? Bloggers/Writers do you try to skew your writing to avoid being looked out a certain way?
I’m not a douche I swear!
P.S. – So SBM Fam, I decided to put out an e-Book. It’s a project I’ve worked on in my mind for about a year and I finally found the motivation to complete it for real. I’m keeping the main details under wraps, but it should be cool. The homie Dr Jay put out the criticalled acclaimed and downloaded Free Ass Laundry e-book, so support that too. I’m currently on detox status right now but keep your eyes open! Thanks and I’m looking forward to your continuing support!
you not a douche but you may have douche like tendencies.
lol.
This coming from the King of Douches lmao
Perception is easy to control online and can be difficult in person. People can see who you're with, what you're wearing, how your hair or glasses remind you of someone they hate, etc. All those things can taint their perception before you even say a word.
Aside from my day gig, perception was the biggest reason I stayed in anonymity for like 2 years. I didn't wanna end up roasted or have my writing judged base off my appearance, regardless of if the judgments were positive or negative.
As a writer, being conscious of perception weighs on my mind. It's stopped me from writing some really rachet sh*t.lol. It's funny, when not online being tactful and aware of who's around when you do or say something is the way to go. On here, it can be the exact opposite. Sometimes I get the feeling that real talk has to be over the top and extra as if that makes it more credible. It makes sense though in a really backwards sorta way.
Good post sir.
"Aside from my day gig, perception was the biggest reason I stayed in anonymity for like 2 years. I didn’t wanna end up roasted or have my writing judged base off my appearance, regardless of if the judgments were positive or negative."
I can understand this. I'm sure once you actually started using a picture of yourself, you started getting a whole different type of attention.
Even though I just comment on a few blogs, I decided to not use my picture for those same reasons. I just want to comment, give my opinion and keep it moving…
Slim, you know I appreciate your input and your writing but I think it boils down to how much we're investing into our online perception. I think some people are real while others create a hype around them. Like the kitty/lion picture above. I don't type thinking about what perception I want to create for myself even though I know I should. I'm working on it.
For me, it's easier to care about people who are face to face rather than avis. Also, bloggers/commenters have diff agendas online. I don't have a blog. I'm not building a brand. I'm not commenting for readership. That's why I like blogs like VSB and here because it's more focused on the topics rather than daps. I respect writers like Panama and Dr. Jay (even though I disagree with them sometimes) because they type what they feel despite getting hated by some. I support your blog because I like your take on certain topics. It's the fakeness online that I can't get with.
Understood.
"People can see who you’re with, what you’re wearing, how your hair or glasses remind you of someone they hate, etc. "
I've used certain terms and phrases that had people side eye me because someone they dislike uses them. Or I could smell a certain perfume and it reminds me of what my sisters wear. Crazy!
Perceptions are one of those really strong influences that people are immediately to catch on. Why I say this is because I've always, and I mean ALWAYS, have lived with the perception that I am so extremely full of myself and am a conceited bitch. Why I have that air of me? Well just like how you said Streetz, I have a very high self esteem and I do think very highly of myself as do other people should too but with that I also get called a bitch. It is not after people get to actually know me that they realize I am a complete opposite of a bitch or a conceited bitch to that matter. It's really hard to control what people will perceive you as, you can't help it, not until they really get to know you..
Now as a relatively extremely new blogger, I can say that after writing my first few blogs, I have let myself show and not mask who I am and what I like or think. I think that's the beauty of being able to have a site/blog. Its to show who you really are or to really show what your thoughts about a certain thing are…
To be brutally honest with you guys, after reading so many of your posts I feel that you guys let us try to get to know a bit of who you really are with your thoughts and opinions, and I appreciate that. Really feels like I actually know you guys and are actual friends and not just e-friends.
Great post Streetz!
Now where's that video!!!!
lol I got a few videos online. We got more coming soon!
ha! just saw the videos… "it's negative 5000 degrees yo!" LOL too funny!!!
Great post! I think perception can be a beast. It is all about how you portray yourself. I think if I'm perceived one way but in my heart I know that's not it then I'm cool.
One of the biggest things that gets me is people who aim to come off as being holier than you. Why be hypocritical? Just be you!
Good night!
"What are your thoughts on perceptions? Can it be controlled? How do you handle it? Do you judge unconsciously or on purpose? What is the best way to control or combat perceptions?"
Well… yes and no.
You CAN do your best to control the way you represent yourself. Like you said in your post, you would never go to a job interview in Jordan's. Why? Because you want to put your best foot forward and appear professional. You want to project a certain image to the interviewer.
However, you have no control over the way your interviewer actually perceives you. You could be impeccably dressed to the nines and using perfect vocabulary, but if you're interviewing with a racist who only views young black men as thugs, there's not much you can do to change their mind unless they actually want to change it.
It sounds nice to say that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, however, appearances DO matter to a certain extent. I COULD go to the club with no clothes on and, and yes, I have the right to get mad at someone being disrespectful to me. But like Dave Chappelle said… if the uniform fits…lol.
I also could go to the club dressed respectfully and still come across a guy that's being disrespectful… but at least I have peace in knowing that he was just an a**hole and it wasn't because my attire and my demeanor was transmitting DTF vibes.
I think that if you want to be perceived in a certain way, a certain part of the responsibility is on you to be somewhat deliberate and conscious of how you're putting yourself out there. That part is the only part that you have any control over.
And the thing about judging is this… I don't know anybody who DOESN'T prejudge off of first impressions (however different people do assign what kind of weight their prejudgments carry differently). I think the problem comes in when you prejudge someone and never give them the opportunity to prove you otherwise (bad or good).
Of course, If you don't care how other people view you… then just do you and don't worry about it. However, I think we all have a least a little part in how other people perceive us.
Co-signage.
all of this. good comment.
Truth.com
I think that if you want to be perceived in a certain way, a certain part of the responsibility is on you to be somewhat deliberate and conscious of how you’re putting yourself out there. That part is the only part that you have any control over.
Truth!!
Good comment…
"And the thing about judging is this… I don’t know anybody who DOESN’T prejudge off of first impressions (however different people do assign what kind of weight their prejudgments carry differently). I think the problem comes in when you prejudge someone and never give them the opportunity to prove you otherwise (bad or good)."
Respectful Bow for this entire comment
Co-sign!
*trying to find this video on YouTube*….don't judge me lol.
I think that people who are confidant and have high self esteem are commonly perceived as arrogant or cocky, and that's a shame. I enjoy being around people who are confidant, people who are sure of themselves and don't try to put out a false persona. I think that all of you SBMers seem to be relativity confidant people and that makes what you blog about more credible to me. For the most part you guys know what the hell you are talking about, and when you don't you have no problem admitting it.
*sidenote: I assumed that you all were some fine lookin men and well put together by the way that you wrote and the topics that you chose to write about, even before I saw what you all looked like….thus far I have not been proven wrong (patiently waiting for RCLS and SBM to unveil themselves)
…damn did that last comment prove my e-groupieness? oh well eff it!
I don't think RCLS's stubborn ass will ever show his face, so I just imagine that he looks like Wacka. Of course, this is mostly due to his refusal to heed to my demands.
Also, I still take credit for everyone showing their faces, whether it's true or not.
DEAD @ RCLS looking like Wacka. We all know he smokes that ganga like'm…..lololololol #shots
FLOCKA!!
Lol. I <3 you Sane. & I also think you should take credit for over 1/2 of the gravatar's on this site.
*handclaps for you*
Sane definitely brings em out, brings em out… <del>with her nosy ass!</del>
lol and i'll take credit for the rest that don't show their faces.
Kriola don't say I never gave you anything:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy0M3YVWCq4
I refuse to watch him talk about the effing Giants!! Eff NY!
lol…
Had to get the hate in just in case the lockout takes away this season. It shouldn't, but just in case…
Funny how the commentary on Favre hasn't changed in all these years…#Shots #RetireAlready #GoAheadAndLeaveOnBottom <–Pause?
He doesn't come off as arrogant or a douche to me in that vid. The only thing I could surmise is that he's played alot of sports in his life and he really needs to water his plants more.
/jk
That vid is like 3 years old..lol
You see how I put the Giants disclaimer out before we lost to Philly in the playoffs right? lololol
and Eddie, you will NOT slander my momma plants! hahaha RIP to them though
Streetz: "and Eddie, you will NOT slander my momma plants! hahaha RIP to them though"
OK, that made me laugh! Eddie didn't know the plants were deceased, I'm sure he feels terrible for talking about the dearly departed.
Thanx Max
Awww…
Douche bag looks cute in that video. I like his NY accent and he has a nice tone to his voice.
Wow, ya'll just killin' it this week, aren't ya?
Superb post. I felt this in particular deep in my gut, pause: "We want our writing to speak for itself, and want no outside factors influencing the opinion on the writing. These perceptions we’ve dealt with all our lives, that’s why they say kids are cruel. The dilemma in front of us, is whether we try to control perception, shrug it off and be us, or find a happy medium?" I hear that…
I find that the opposite it true for me regarding Slim's statement, "Perception is easy to control online and can be difficult in person." Online is so one dimensional, so limited, so static. But real life is dynamic, and all encompassing and well, real…anyone can pretend to be this or that for brief moments online. In real life, there's no spell check, no thesaurus, no google to fact check before you stick your foot in your mouth.
I've found that people get the completely wrong idea of me online…but I keep it sorta separate from my everyday life, so, it is what it TI is…
Great read…this concept of an e-world vs a real-world is somewhat fascinating…I look forward to the comments.
Oh and Most has had a few days of roasting too, lol…they are few and far between, but don't mention disappearing…
"But real life is dynamic, and all encompassing and well, real…anyone can pretend to be this or that for brief moments online."
Yup! This is why I don't get the whole "blog groupie" thing. I'm relatively new to reading blogs so I think that whole concept is pretty funny…lol.
"I’ve found that people get the completely wrong idea of me online…but I keep it sorta separate from my everyday life, so, it is what it TI is…"
Yeah… that probably the best approach to take with this whole online thing. Why care that much about what people that you will probably never meet think about you?
When I first swallowed the red pill I was shocked at the inner workings too; but I got pulled in like every other sucka…
I can't tell you about everyone else, but I put my real thoughts and feelings out there, if I'm real gully-I'm more honest online than anywhere, with this false cloak of anonymity…so yeah, sometimes my feeling get hurt, or my ego gets stroked, I'm disappointed, or proud as punch, and my opinion of e-peoples get influenced.
I'm with Il Duce on this one-life is life, e or otherwise. It's like that phone or e-mail office relationship you have with your coworker at another branch…when you meet are you not still you? You gotta start from scratch? Just because you haven't breathed their air they're a stranger bish to you? You know everything about them? Of course not. You know everything about your moms? No! People are complex and ever changing, know what you know and deal with them or don't based on that information.
I feel like I know enough about people running these e-streets, some are true friends, some are e-friends, some are acquaintances, very few are complete enigmas to me.
<del>But when you see me in the streets remember: you don't know me</del>
"I can’t tell you about everyone else, but I put my real thoughts and feelings out there, if I’m real gully-I’m more honest online than anywhere, with this false cloak of anonymity…so yeah, sometimes my feeling get hurt, or my ego gets stroked, I’m disappointed, or proud as punch, and my opinion of e-peoples get influenced."
Hmm… interesting. Yeah, I can see where you are coming from here….
So just out of curiosity… do you feel like the comments from people on the internet affect you in the same way that it would if they were made by someone in your real life? I mean… do they affect you just as deeply?
In general, no. Depends on the topic and the level of intimacy that I have with the commenter and my level of respect for them though.
Thing is the e-world interaction is so limited. I have very little doubt that if people met me in real life they would like me…cause they get to meet ME, regardless if the love me or I'm their cup of tea, I'm a generally likable, kind person. People don't HATE me, even if, like I said, they don't love me, I'm respectable and they can chill with me. So when I feel hate online I sorta brush it off as, "well they just don't know me" or I reread what I wrote and see how my sentiments may have been misinterpreted…I'm not saying e-life and real life are the same, but I am saying that they are both life.
Perceptions can definitely be controlled. It's probably easier for those who are good at reading people & generally observant in nature. On the bad end of things, you have the people in "real life" and online who know the right words to say and moves to make, all with the goal of giving off a false image. Then you have the people who are generally conscientious about the things they say, the manner in which they say them, and their overall demeanour. I belong to the latter group. I'm honest in my self-portrayal, but I steer away from certain things because I know how easy it is for people to form certain impressions.
I often hear/see people saying that they don't give a damn about how a bunch of faceless peers perceive them over these anonymous internets. That's great, and I'm happy for them. While you would be hard-pressed to find me getting the blues because some idiot made some wayward comment in my direction, I actually would get annoyed if there were a general perception of me that is largely inaccurate. Let me use a real-life example. First year of Uni, I had this dude who liked me. We kicked it for a bit, nothing worth noting took place, and then he disappeared. Come to find out much later on from one of my close guy friends that he would show up on the ball court telling dudes that I was a skeez who got down on my knees & fellated the crap out of him, after which he relieved his load on my face. It was years later, but boy did I see RED. I was hella pissed at the fact that these dudes were basically thinking I was a certain way, and my friend admitted that he used to give me a side-eye until he actually got to know me. RED, I say. I consider most people around me to be dispensable, if only because I don't have enough of an interest in them to build solid relationships. However, I do care about the image that I portray. It's the reason I put myself together well and that I constantly get feedback that I'm the most professional 20-something year old my manager & co-workers have come across, even though they know me to act a damn fool on the side.
The best way to control or combat perceptions is to be fully aware of the different ways your words and actions can be interpreted and try to go at it via the least damaging route. If I were a blogger, I'd be honest & speak my mind, but do so within my usual general constraints. My blog would probably be boring as hell, although I'm very loose with the information when having actual one-on-one conversations. At the end of the day, though, some people are simply going to think what they want, so you can't win 'em all. But I do find it amusing when people speak with absolutely no filters and appear to be flabbergasted when people view them in an unflattering light.
Someone please ask me why I'm writing essays when it's clearly past my bedtime. Eff me. Or not.
"Someone please ask me why I’m writing essays when it’s clearly past my bedtime. Eff me. Or not"
Past my bedtime is usually when I wrote my best essays back in my university days. I have no idea why.
"I’m honest in my self-portrayal, but I steer away from certain things because I know how easy it is for people to form certain impressions."
Right!
"But I do find it amusing when people speak with absolutely no filters and appear to be flabbergasted when people view them in an unflattering light."
Yeah… me too. Although, I do have a certain admiration for really blunt people, because I'm not that way at all. However I find the people who have no filters and are the most vocal are also usually the ones that are the most sensitive to others perceptions of them…
"The best way to control or combat perceptions is to be fully aware of the different ways your words and actions can be interpreted and try to go at it via the least damaging route."
I definitely agree but you also have ot have the confidence to go any route and say eff perception if it makes you happy
"I definitely agree but you also have ot have the confidence to go any route and say eff perception if it makes you happy"
No doubt. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to advocate a sheepish approach to any/everything. I usually don't hold back my opinion unless I simply can't be bothered. What I'm talking about is more along the lines of presentation. Again, real life example. I'm the youngest in my department, but my boss loves me because I won't hesitate to pull her aside and let her know that something that she did or said rubbed me in the wrong way. From the first day I laid eyes on her at the interview, I let her know that I'm a no-nonsense type of person. However, when I do make my feelings known, I don't muster up all the attitude I can and/or try to make her feel like an asshole. I present my case in such a way that we can discuss our way through it and come out laughing and joking as usual. Now, back to the online world. Sometimes, I will come right out and tell someone they're an idiot (ex: SMB troll from a couple of weeks or months ago), but I'm usually more diplomatic in my arguments and confrontations. I do not want to be perceived as a confrontational person, because I'm not one. Therefore, I'll say what I need/want to, but do it through certain filters. Of course, that works best when I'm not actually annoyed. When I say that I care, it only means that I like to do what I consider a good job of representing myself, and want people to get as close a sense of who I am as possible. I CAN be terrible, but I see no benefit in being so unnecessarily.
Do I think perceptions can be controlled? I think thats a tough questions. The way you are perceived does not always actually depend on YOU. But on the internal workings of OTHERS. Particularly the issue of assumptions.
For example last night I went to a Dead Prez gig (a rarity to have hip hop groups in Sydney) and even before I got there I had already made assumptions about the crowd based on the location of the venue ( a hipster hang out). When I got there, my assumptions only allowed to me to make more assumptions about the mainly (90%+ white audience). So those people couldnt necessarily control it, cause I had already made up certain ideas of them. Is it fair? Probably not. Then again, I am sure that some of the people there engaged with me in a way that related to the way they perceived my ethnicity, gender etc etc.
I can see why writers/bloggers would be reluctant to reveal their true visual self etc. Assumptions are a bitch and immediately might place some sort of restrictions or a stereotype on the writer.
Sydney?! So you're the Australian I always see pop up on Google Analytics, lol… jokes!
Welcome and glad you joined our global community! Loves our worldly readers!
Damn that pesky google analytics!
thanks
Perceptions are definitely prominent in everyday life. I make judgments based on facts. I tend to make conclusions about people based on things that can’t be denied instead of making assumptions. I think the best way to control perceptions is to be open-minded and maintain a diverse environment in all aspects of life. I’ve been exposed to so much at such a young age, which is why I find it difficult to make judgments based off of visuals. I remember being 13 years old and making the cut for my high school’s basketball team. My play brother, at that time, kept telling me to make sure I don’t let those girls turn me out. I laugh looking back on it because I didn’t know what that meant at that age. He explained what he meant and I couldn’t, for the life of me, see how I would become a lesbian by playing one of my favorite sports. His perception of a women’s basketball team didn’t register with me because I knew I was attracted to men. Staring at all the fine guys at my high school was one of many motivations for going to school. I was not allowed to date or have a boyfriend at 13, but looking at them was just as good. I have a good sense of humor and I am secure with who I am, so it’s hard to become offended by people’s perceptions. My high self-esteem and twisted sense of humor will not allow perceptions to control reality.
"My high self-esteem and twisted sense of humor will not allow perceptions to control reality."
I'd like this on a t-shirt please. Black, fitted, size small.
I would love to think that the person that I am communicating on-line is the person that you'll get IRL…
I believe in being honest & consistent…
I have come a long way from caring what people think (85% there), I really want to get to a place, where I. Don't. Give. A. F*uck…
People are going to HATE, because as humans we can't stand it when someone we perceive is doing better than us…
People were raised with certain POVs, & ideologies that were never challenged… So instead of using that precious brain they were giving… They fall back on sometime flawed way of thinking…
So, I root for people to think that I am whatever comes across their brain…
In the grand scheme of things, It doesn't matter…
A F*uck. I Gives None
Yes, it happens all the time…but I think online it's a little easier for people to mistake you for someone you are not…..so, I would take someone's online perception of me with a grain of salt…however, in my day toi day dealings I find I am often misunderstood…I always get the…"you look mean" or "you look like you think you're cute"……but, it seems that men think this about me more then women…the women say…"you are so sweet and pleasant….but, that is becasue they actually interact with me…the Men are just going off first look…..its a bummer…I think some women before they talk to me..may actually think the same things….but, it is what it is….I just debunk all perceptions when people get to actually know me…they are pleasantly suprised..
I actually never thought you looked mean Streetz and I actually no for a fact you're not based on what little I do know about you from online….I may need to view that ustream though…lol.
The only people who strike me as kinda mean are some readers…the bloggers all seem pretty cool. I will definitely give people the benefit of the doubt since I haven't actually met anyone in person…
Good Post Streetzie.
Crap I have some errors in my post! I was typing off of no morning coffee yet..please forgive me
Great post, Streetz. And yeah, perceptions are made from being active on the internets much like perceptions are made from physical appearance. And as you pointed out, you put your picture out there… these two can blend together. Which, the "thought he was arrogant" thing also applies to women: "thought she was a bish."
I mean, being an active presence online kind of solidifies your image… your brand… whether you have a blog or not. Especially when you frequent blogs with the same round of commenters/bloggers, you sort of feel like you know them. And you don't… unless you really get to know them. Which… can't be done by reading a few (hundred) comments or a few (hundred) blog posts.
Oh, and congrats on completing the e-Book!
I didnt complete it YET!! but thanks Cheekie
Me and my big mouth…smh
It's ok Streetz, now we will ALL just be waiting and it’s your incentive to finish.
Congrats as well.
As I said before Streetz.. You're an ass…LOL
I will say Streetzie that you ended up being way nicer than I thought you would be. But that's just because <del>intensely groomed eyebrows are usually a sign that a guy is a douche</del> you're so cute and attractive men tend to be way less cool than you are.
As far as perceptions go, I definitely think we can control them to a degree. Even a math dummy like me can grasp the concept that what you put into the internets is going to influence what people think about you. So if you don't want people to think you're an a$shole, don't fire shots and if you don't want to be perceived as thirsty, keep your e-panties on.
From a blogging perspective, I definitely don't skew my writing in such a way as to influence my readers' perception of me. The odd times that I've done it, the writing is sh!tty and I get my a$s handed to me in the comments because the posts don't ring true. I've never met a reader who has said to me "you're so much different than I thought you would be". My writing is a very accurate representation of certain aspects of my personality.
I know a lot about this phenomenon. When I thought about it early on when I decided to start writing Facebook notes, I could have chosen a route that would have led people to think I was the most amazing and charming man, who always was on the side of the ladies. I could have projected this image of myself that was P.C. I didn't take that route because I thought that many times people give women a false sense of security on the internet and through these books that they publish. I decided to keep it real and what happened…
I've been labeled some of the furthest things from the person I am in real life. People meet me with a preconceived notion of who I really am. But we've been dealing with this our whole lives. Even when I was in college, people saw me and either thought I was a complete a*shole or a playboy. And that was based on what I was giving off to people.
When I go back and listen to Jay-Z's Blueprint II track, it reminds me of myself all the time. I don't mind the fact that people have labeled me based on my internet persona. I know who I am. And it's cool because when people meet me they are taken back. They are like, "Oh my god he's nothing like what I expected."
Point is, some people are going to say all of the right things because they don't want to disliked. At the same time, I don't worry about disliked, I just want to be real. And it has worked out for me.
PS – Shoutout to all those dudes who comment on blogs as if one day they gonna holla at these women who comment on blogs. They are like those people who bring their own liquor on the ski trip even though it's an open bar. You doing too much son.
That PS was the truth, like spoken word.
Streetz I enjoyed this write. I had to laugh about Max's the intensely groomed eyebrows comment, but that's just the way of the world these days.
I think that each of the SBM writers have shown a great deal of their personal selves on this blog. I hated Dr.J when I first came to this site (his writing ticked me off) but now he's one of my favorite people ever and he's actually a really nice person.
Slim has been consistent with his writing and his generous nature with giving advice and helping others along.
Most is married so I agree with a lot of what he says. I just see that we're on a similar grind and keep it moving.
WIM I'm still getting to know, he reminds me of the little brother you don't want to wake up from his nap because you know the entire room is going to go into disarray and all hell is going to break loose until he gets sleepy again.
SBM/RCLS is the most elusive but I still enjoy the writes and the wit that gets imparted.
Am I wrong to feel as though I know you guys? Someone else stated that you're more than just e-friends, you feel like real friends. Even a lot of the commenters are some really nice people. Starita, BP, Foxgirl, Lola (to name a few) Sane, Queen T., just really cool people and even if I disagree (Where's Beef Bacon?) Reecie, Suki etc. we have our ways of communicating without going over the top.
I love all of you guys…
I agree with you RedLady..I feel like I am already friends with everyone..if we all met up it would be an instant connection..no awkwardness and plenty to talk about. LOL…e-hugs all around.
I actually taking being called consistent as a major compliment. Thank you.
Red warned me about her comment before I got here so I was prepared for the worst, but I only ended up laughing. I think Most is the newest writer to the group? However, I think he's been commenting on the site longer than I. At first I thought it was strange so many people kept saying "they're still getting to know me" but then I realized the writers of SBM posts are in the hundreds and I believe I've written like 7 blogs here. It's all good.
*high five*
*goes back to sleep*
*whispers* ya'll be quiet now, I'm not trying to wake his bad @ss back up!
Wis is the kinda kid you HOPE hits his head just hard enough to knock him out for a few hours, but not hard enough to cause permanent damage…
Oh you judging me? Don't ACT like you never wanted to knock a kid out before!
I cosign all of this. Even if we disagree, it's all good. I want you all to challenge my ideas. Just don't take what I say as a diss. If I say I don't like white shoes, I'm not dissing you because you wear white shoes. lol I like a blog community where we can speak our minds, challenge each other, and it's all good at the end of the day. I'm new here but I like the ebonds I'm forming thus far.
Yeah, I feel weird when people take what I say for a diss. The whole point of us being able to comment is to share and receive. Unless a person is outright attacking me on a personal level (name calling for example), I don’t take someone's suggestions/comments for a diss.
And…..you sort of call yourself out when you take everything personal that is meant as a general comment. That's wearing your heart on your sleeve or as the old folk say a hurt dog hollering. Like when I write "You" in a comment, I don't really mean YOU—just that you are the person I am speaking TO not ABOUT.
How Red gonna comment bout everyone but me on my own post?! I perceive you to be shady!!!
lol
Seriously, good comment.
Streetz your writing has grown on me. I went over to your exercise blog at one point and thought you were a total narcissist, but then I realized it was because I didn't understand a lot of the exercise terminology you were using and I was actually jealous of your focus and persistent strive toward good health. (Just being honest, at least I know when I need to dig my own B.S.)
I will say that you've always been the big brother on SBM and step in as the voice of reason when people get out of hand. I find your writing to be the type that makes a person think before they comment. Sometimes I'm not sure what to say that won't make me sound silly (like right now). It's all love though. Sorry I didn't expound earlier.
LMAO ahhh Red I was just teasin! Thanks for the compliment!
Awww, thanks Red.
I completely agree about all the commenters on here. While I couln't love the guys more, it's the commenters that make this site a daily stop for me. I may not always comment myself, but I enjoy reading everyone's. It may sound silly, but I feel like I know most of you all and if that is based off an inaccurate perception, I'm okay with that.
Thank you Redlady for the compliment! I feel honored to be included in a group of such good peeps! "Good people recognize good people and appreciate them"-Daddy BP. So know I think you're pretty fly too!
Perception is a funny thing. I knew someone who use to say "perception is reality" and I always thought that was straight crap. Facts are facts and truth is truth. One of my closest friends that I met in college told me the first time she met me she thought I was stuck up, judgmental and a snob. These thoughts were all based on my looks. It wasn't until my friends vouched for me and we became friends that she saw that she was wrong.
It wasn't until recently I've accepted that this is how many perceive me and that I can't let it bother me. At the end of the day I know who I am.
Perception is reality means if you believe something is a fact, than it's a fact to you. But what you believe are facts are really just judgements based on your perception.
"Perception is reality means if you believe something is a fact, than it’s a fact to you."
That's exactly what he said and I understand that especially in cases like faith, religion and etc. But when it comes to judging someone on who he or she is without really knowing them then it's not reality… I agree with you, especially the second part of your comment. Perception could just be someone's reality and not actuality. Maybe that statement isn't straight crap, just 1/2 crap.
Perceptions are formed by putting opinions, pre-conceived notions and experiences together. Perception is more closely related to opinion than fact. Reality does not take any of those things into account. Reality is pure truth at that moment…not opinion.
Faith is walking purely off what you believe and feel without actually having knowledge of it. However, perception is a mixture what you believe, know, and feel.
TellyLongLegs: "But when it comes to judging someone on who he or she is without really knowing them then it’s not reality…Perception could just be someone’s reality and not actuality. Maybe that statement isn’t straight crap, just 1/2 crap."
This is true, but some people have a mistaken perception of themselves. Some douchebags genuinely don't think they're douchebags, despite what everyone tells them.
@ Beef Bacon
"Perception is more closely related to opinion than fact. Reality does not take any of those things into account. Reality is pure truth at that moment…not opinion"
I wish I used this as my arguement with that old friend.
"Perception is reality means if you believe something is a fact, than it’s a fact to you. But what you believe are facts are really just judgements based on your perception."
+1
In offline life (as far as I know), people's first perceptions of me are about 89% correct. I am who they usually think I am. Lol.
Online… I don't know. I've never received any I thought you were going to be this "_____" but you were actually this "____". Anyone care to weigh in?
Streetz is a clown. Period. Thought he would be by some of the <del>corny</del> jokes he puts in his post.
Jay is serious, helpful, <del>a damb good host</del> and good peoples in general.
& ya'll saw Slim on the TV internets.
I'll let you know…in FIFTEEN DAYS!
OMG. Star you're coming too?! Everyday I'm surprised w/ a new person… It's almost like Christmas… *claps*
Giiiiiiiirl! I was the first one to buy my ticket!!!
Christmas come early!
My jokes are corny because you milk cows before you go to work? me telling your farm life is corny? eff u.
lol
BWHAHAHAHA. Streetzy… you know this is war right?
ihatechu.
Paraphrase "perception gets up and is all the way around the corner before reality gets out of bed."
That sums it up for me. I just recently started reading blogs end of last year. I have to admit I never thought of how my comments or others were being viewed until the groupie post. But then again I didnt know that black men were angry with black women and vice versa until I started reading blogs. *shrugs*
I didn't really think of how I may/may not be perceived until I read a post on being thirsty. Even though I like to occasionally e-throw myself at Streetz and I follow all of these guys like I were Kate Hudson and they were a 70's rock band, I still don't consider myself a groupie. If others perceive me that way, that's sounds like a personal problem to me. If it's weird that I'm flying across the country to meet a bunch of strangers, I don't really care.
Anywho, I wasn't aware of a ton of issues that seem to be big in the black community until I found the blog world.
You too Sane?! *dougies*
Girl I don't know where you're going, but I'm flying to meet up with my girlfriends, ain't a stranger bish among em. They're good people.
Hush up Star, you and everybody up in here knew what I meant.
*mutters under breath* This girl trying to twist my words and ish. Can't wait until I see her and kick her in the shins for this one.
Girl I know your eye is your weakness, don't make me go Curly, Moe, and Larry on you
ahh I topic we've discussed many times.
I think I agree with Star about how its easier to be perceived a certain way online–people show their representatives online. I also agree with Adonis *gasp* that I like to think I'm getting the same person no matter the venue but I understand thats just not always the case.
I come across a few overly confident people online that use that as a mask for their insecurities. I know this because I am observant, and know things IRL. I don't assume thats the case for all overly confident people, but in my own little sociological case studies, I do have my theories.
Like Queen T said I used to get the "you look mean" or "you think you're cute" but really its just because my facial expressions tell everything and when I don't know people, I don't really f*ck with them, lol. I'm very slow to warm up to folks. Its easier to hide that about me online as you don't see "my face". I try to be as consistent as possible, because a lot of the people I know online I also know IRL– I pretty much hate fronters but DO think I'm a smidge nicer online because I think before I type wayyy more than I think before I talk generally. We are all multifaceted, and based on the environment and topic at hand, we reveal ourselves in layers. I don't think thats necessarily a bad thing.
*a topic*
the edit function has been faulty for me lately…
"We are all multifaceted, and based on the environment and topic at hand, we reveal ourselves in layers. I don’t think thats necessarily a bad thing."
This right here.
I didn't major in psycology. But I've said before the internet is where you meet people's super-ego. You do not meet the person people normally present on a day to day basis. You meet their idealized self. Kinda like that movie Surragates LOL.
But then again another way to look at is….the super-ego is just as much you as the id and ego. So you are meeting the side of the person's personality that they normally try to hide.
Of course this is influenced by whether or not the person has a picture up. I am pretty honest in everything I say. I would not be if I had a picture up. You'd probably meet the id.
Final point…..the internet is as real as the real world. I always think it's funny when people say the internet isn't real and they don't think about this stuff or take it that serious. If you are on a blog or discussion board you will:
get your feelings hurt at some point, think about something someone said more than your should, develop crushes etc. etc. The internet is as real as the telephone or a face to face discussion.
I cosign your point re: life is life. You may get a different side of me online, but it's me, and I always have feelings. #Streisand
Streetz I am sooooooooo sorry! I almost never apologize for things I say on blogs but I regret posting that comment. I should have kept those thoughts in my head but it was not intended to be a diss. I basically was trying to say that yes I judge off of looks like everyone but I still think you guys are good writers no matter who you may be in real life. I'm a book junkie and I've met a few famous authors in life who turned out to be total @ssholes so I can't relate to the whole groupie thing. <— that's what I SHOULD have wrote instead of dropping my 36 cents like my opinions have some value. That was arrogant. Yes, I'm a little arrogant but not super arrogant. lol Again, I'm sorry to you and Kid Cudi.
I'm going to vent:
As far as perceptions of internet personas, etc…I notice my comments seem to be a big deal to some when it means little to me. People are watching and I fully get that. What baffles me is why people care what I say over someone else. There could be numerous people saying the same thing as me but a person chooses to battle me on my opinions. I often type as a think with little worry about how it's perceived and then I click submit. I know ideas are better received with sugar but online debate is an art I haven't fully mastered yet. I'm foolish enough to have my pic up also. What I type is really what I feel and I view blogging as a way to say what you feel without the constraints of social censorship. Some blog for daps and friendships and that's fine too. We all have our reasons.
I'm fully aware of how I'm perceived. I care but not at the same time. These are my thoughts on subjects we're supposed to be conversing about. I am hardly ever rude to people online…I've been commenting for a year and I can only count 3 people that I openly disliked…and all 3 threw the first insult. I don't take kindly to disrespect. I'm not passive and no stranger (especially online) deserves respect when they don't give it. I don't play that. Find a better way to disagree with me instead coming at me sideways.
Other than that, I love the epeeps I connect with on a daily. I enjoy sharing ideas and laughs. I know my jokes are outrageous but they're just jokes. This is who I am in person. I have close connections with people around me. I'm open, honest, funny and great to get along with. It's validated in the number of real friends I have. If people online like me, great. If they hate me, that's okay because no one really knows me.
"I notice my comments seem to be a big deal to some when it means little to me."
See this happens to me in real life sometimes. For example, within my family, my siblings could be harping on something all day long. Let ME speak on the same thing… and everybody is up in arms about it.
This used to bother me A LOT. I used to try so hard to word things different so as not to upset them and even stopped voicing my opinion as much.
However, over the years I've realized that the way that they view me has more to do with issues within our family dynamic and less to do with anything that I'm giving off. We don't have the same mother, so some of my siblings feel like our father favors me, I'm the golden child, I've had a better life…etc. So there may be certain opinions that I have that they just wont ever accept me voicing…no matter how true they may be, They just feel like I don't have the right to speak on certain things.
Anyway, my whole point with this is that there is only so much you can control in regards to the way that people are percieving you. You can be more deliberate and effective in the way that you communicate with people in order to make sure that the image your projecting is true to who you really are. However, after doing that, if people still want to believe certain misconceptions about you, then you just have to let it be. You can't force anyone to change their mind about you unless they actually want to…
Lord being muzzled is no way to live!! I empathize with you, I do.
Yeah… its not. Which is why we all aren't as close anymore. I don't like having to walk on eggshells. It hurts…lol.
I can relate to this. Good points. I'm the same way in my family. Everyone comes to me for advice, I give it, then I'm wrapped up in the dispute somehow. I used to get upset and say "why me" but then I realized it's because my role is big in my family. My opinions stand out because my fam values my opinion. Same thing with friends, work etc…people feel close to me and disect everything I say/do. Sometimes I wonder why they're all up in my mouth anyway but I realize that I have a strong presence so people tend to pay attention more. Looking back, same for school and growing up. The attention was always on me and what I said/did so I felt ALOT of pressure. These are all things that I cannot control. Whatever it is about me that draws people in is what it is and I just have to look at it as a good thing. My personality is what keeps my friends near and it hasn't failed me yet. I want to be there for people that are important to me but I cannot stress myself out with trying to please everyone. At the end of the day, people will always respect your honesty even if they don't like it.
"At the end of the day, people will always respect your honesty even if they don’t like it."
This is so true…
@ SFG
Yeah anyone that knows me offline understand that I am not a candy maker so sugar coating is not my thing.
SFG
Please don't apologize! I didn't take offense to it, I was just tickled that I keep hearing that perception. I literally had 3 different conversations about it that day, and you gave me the inspiration for this blog <del>when i clearly didnt have anything to write about this week, smh</del>
I cosign your points, poeple seem to catch feelings depending on who makes comments. Its funny.
The fact that everyone keeps saying how nice you are tells me that I was wrong about you. You know what irks me though? How you blogs men can say anything about women and the female commenters edap you all around because you're good looking. "Oh Streetz, yes women are one eyed devils, you're so cute." (not like YOU actually said that just an example) But when I say something it's "SFG, women aren't angels, you B*TCH!" Da hell? And it's the same in life too. I was at a party and listened to these handsome guys go IN on women and these girls were cosigning their every word. As soon as I opened my mouth, I saw all the eyes say "whateva h0e" and they were picking apart everything I said. I realized it's because the women had to like ME in order to like what I was saying. I usually support women but I have to say it's def the females who set that haterish tone. No fair lol
CTFU… iCan't
*Does the "I'm NOT YOUR DADDY, I'm YOUR GRANDPA" dance*
That description you made, I have never experienced… But it proves how inconsistent women can be on issues… (especially when it comes from the mouth of Boris Kodjoe) and women are very keen about social status from men & women…
Poor SFG…
"How you blogs men can say anything about women and the female commenters edap you all around because you’re good looking. ……But when (other women) say something it’s “_____, women aren’t angels, you B*TCH!”
Ive noticed this phenomenon in blogs. Wonder why that is so?
lolol its a double standard accept it!
"I personally don’t care to cater to everyone because I love myself, know my faults, and choose to work on them and remain genuine."
I love that sentence! Great post Streetz!
Perception to some may be reality but not to me. My present and past thoughts form my perceptions and rarely do they have anything to do with the actual person/thing.
I want to be a counselor, so I do think I come off that way most of the time and I am cool with that. I am not on earth to prove anything to anyone, what you see is really what you get so love me or hate me….I am ME.
Like when Adonis called me shallow the other day…I was rolling on the floor laughing because people that know me would look at him crazy! Although I may do a lot of utopian thinking, I am as down to earth as anyone. I hate fakes and phonies and I know the people that KNOW me understand me and love ME.
We are on this blog to share and receive so any perceptions derived from that would be flawed at best. People share based on what they know and learn. What a person may know does not equal to who they ARE.
This is kind of my thought process. If I sat in a room with a bunch of people, everyday, and shared my ideas on social issues…um YEAH there would be fights and probably not like me. Does my thoughts on abortion represent who I am? Hell no. These are just my thoughts on social issues…it has nothing to do with what kind of mother, daughter, sister, and friend I am. Cosign.
Streetz. You are a nobody.. Sit. Down…
http://bit.ly/enmGQE
"…these perceptions are why a lot of writers choose to remain hidden (even Slim was a fictional character before he unmasked, and SBM/RCLS remains hidden). We want our writing to speak for itself, and want no outside factors influencing the opinion on the writing. These perceptions we’ve dealt with all our lives, that’s why they say kids are cruel. The dilemma in front of us, is whether we try to control perception, shrug it off and be us, or find a happy medium?"
Great paragraph. I skipped everyone's comments before writing this (except RedLady's) because I didn’t want what I'm about to say to be influenced. Sorry if I repeat something from above.
As I've spoken about before, I've been "writing" on-line since at least high school. BACK IN MY DAY, we didn’t call it blogging but you know, whatever. Tomato, tomatoe.
In all that time, I've met MAYBE 5 people off the Internet that I wasn't trying to have s*x with. So basically, while I do some things to remain anonymous – like not being on Facebook – I'm not hard to find. I have some Twitter followers that I've known since middle school and have NEVER met nor do I plan to meet them nor do I care if we ever do or don’t.
The weird thing about the Internet, is friendships are only as strong as the e-connections. I've talked to men/women every day for years and years, then a site crashes, and I never hear/see them again. To me, that's not "real life." A real life friend would not talk to me for years, decades in some cases, then fall off the face of the Earth without so much as a "I’ll holla."
I say all this to say that my stance on the Internet is that the worlds are different. Sure, sometimes they collide and overlap but at the end of the day, I don’t know you people and you don’t know me – even if you think you do. I'm cool with many of you, but no offense, I wouldn’t consider any of you "friends" because if the Internet crashed, I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for you. I'd be like "welp, it was fun while it lasted."
Honestly, I'm more concerned with people off-line than on-line. People on-line, I'm sure, have all kinds of crazy perceptions of me. In fact, I got fussed at on my blog by a random commenter this very morning. lol If you are going to judge me based off one post and not my entire body of work, what does that say about you? Personally I find that ignorant but that’s MY perception of YOU. See how that works?
Anyway, at the end of the day, it's all love on my side. I try to be cool with everyone but I'm not a kiss @ss either. My Internet philosophy is basically I'm never going to apologize for 1) being a man or 2) having an opinion. If you're cool with that, then you're cool with me.
If not, kick rocks and cry me a river bia bia *throws up an assortment of intricate gang symbols with fingers*<DEL> You are STILL catching hell because you to f*uck Kim Kardashian </DEL>
Bro, that is par for the course…
O, I forgot to add: I think most of us that have been on the computer since we were knee high OVER-estimate that EVERYONE uses and is as influenced by the Internet as we are (this includes me). I can actually remember when the Internet DID NOT exist (I was 14 before we got the Internet).
Contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of people in the real world who function just find without blogging, BM-ing, being on Twitter, Facebook or whatever site you hold so near and dear to your heart. I've dated plenty of women that find it "weird" that I spend so much time blogging and on these various e-communities. These people do exist. Dont let your personal views become the egocentric all applying standard for the human race.
Sure there are 400 million people on Facebook but there's 6 billion people in the world. Perspective people, perspective.
If Facebook were a country it would be the THIRD largest in the world behind China and India. Brazil is would be 4th.
Perspective.
If Facebook were a state it would be the #1 dumbest just in front of Mississippi. LOL Just my opinion.
The 4th would be the US.
Brazil would be the 6th, behind Indonesia…
Well sir, 25% of the population of China with the highest IQ is greater than the total population of North America. ……I dont think the same can be said for Facebook.
Perspective.
Twitter is like coffee for me. Every 5 years or so I try coffee to see if I still hate it.
Every few months or so I look at Twitter and try to find a reason why it's not the stupidest invention of all time next to the pet rock.
Ummm, I won't even touch the comment about Twitter.
However, the Pet Rock wasn't exactly a stupid "invention". It made somebody money, didn't it? What was stupid was the masses that paid for that ish.
Yeah…I mean I actually kinda get twitter. If you are famous it allows you to get messages out without a publicist. But even then…..it seems to me no one ever says anything worth reading on Twitter. Its like a venue for people who compulsively brain fart.
"The weird thing about the Internet, is friendships are only as strong as the e-connections. I’ve talked to men/women every day for years and years, then a site crashes, and I never hear/see them again. To me, that’s not “real life.” A real life friend would not talk to me for years, decades in some cases, then fall off the face of the Earth without so much as a “I’ll holla.”"
Exactly!
I agree with this statement as well. I can easily slip off into oblivion from my e-friends but the friends that I grew up with, they will hunt me down like a runaway slave until they catch up with me.
I can't get rid of them…I'VE TRIED!
…but I still like you guys.
"I say all this to say that my stance on the Internet is that the worlds are different. Sure, sometimes they collide and overlap but at the end of the day, I don’t know you people and you don’t know me – even if you think you do. I’m cool with many of you, but no offense, I wouldn’t consider any of you “friends” because if the Internet crashed, I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for you. I’d be like “welp, it was fun while it lasted.”"
THIS!
I've met a lot of people online. Some we've gotten cool, others it was a moment in life, Nicki.
Shout to Kazodiass fam. I think our greek affiliations mad it easier to stay in contact but even when that site became lame, we kept in contact through other e-venues and even met up. Thats a perfect example of e-life meeting real life.
Agreed. I mean a lot of these people that I'm allegedly "friends" with dont even know my real name. I mean how good of friends are we really? Unless we have met or maybe even spoken off-line, I still consider them just on-line "friends." Like I said, no offense, but that is not the equivalent of an off-line friend in my book by any means. In fact, I only have like 5 real GOOD friends #inreallife, sooooo.
On-line friends are not even a close second. Keeping it real, they're not even a close 2,000th. But hey…
It's still all love all around!
one time for kazodiass. *pours out liquor*
Nah…one for Nate Dogg….How long will they mourn him?
I wish it would have been another,
How long will they mourn me?
How long.. will they mourn.. my brother?
I'll probably have all six Death Row CD's on rotation in my car all week.
You know you a raw rapper when you write a jam for your own death. LOL
Gotta go dig up Neva Leave Me Alone and do my Nate Dogg impression LOL
"I say all this to say that my stance on the Internet is that the worlds are different. Sure, sometimes they collide and overlap but at the end of the day, I don’t know you people and you don’t know me – even if you think you do. I’m cool with many of you, but no offense, I wouldn’t consider any of you “friends” because if the Internet crashed, I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for you. I’d be like “welp, it was fun while it lasted.”"
Although I realized a couple of days ago that I more or less abandoned a dude I've been "good friends" with since 2005 when I randomly stopped using MSN, I'm as nonchalant about online relationships as I am about "real life" ones. It sounds bad, but it's true. I'm getting better and do make an effort now, but most of my close friendships are at their current level because the people in question simply refused to let me go. Apparently, I'm strange. Other people throw their exes the deuces once relationships are over, but I like to have them as friends for the simple reason that they're the only ones I've cared about beyond my usual "meh" level. Don't get me wrong, I love kicking it with people and having all kinds of cool bonds (and I do care for my friends & their well-being; I just don't harbour strong feelings of attachment), but it doesn't affect me much when I don't speak to or see someone I'm really cool with for an extended period of time. "Welp, it was fun while it lasted" is as easily used for a friendship that I had on or offline. Perhaps it's because I'm a loner by nature, though I'm rather sociable when in the company of others. On average, I spend more time interacting with people online than in the real world (on a non-superficial level..work & ish doesn't count). Dang, am I really exposing how much of a loser I am right now? Ah well, them's the breaks.
Perception is reality because truth to someone is what they believe. Whether it’s a belief in God, global warming, evolution, black women are angry, Wacka Flocka is talented, The Game is a good show, whatever, if people believe it to be true, it is true to them.
People who have met me have all kinds of perceptions about me, but I really could care less what people think about me that aren’t in my inner circle, and even their opinions carry limited regard. I know people say that a lot, but it’s actually true with me. I honestly think it’s a legitimate personality flaw or psychological shortcoming. For example, for a while, people at my church thought I was 8ay because they never saw me with women, and because I never hit on the women in the church. They didn’t realize the reason was because they talk too much so I never brought anyone I dated to church. I was happy with everyone thinking I was 8@y.
One comment about me that I thought was interesting was when I was at my best friend’s house and his wife’s sisters were there. They asked me if my girlfriend was white and I said that I’ve never dated or even smashed a white girl in my life. They were legitimately in shock, and one of her sisters said she “had me figured me all wrong”. Her comment didn’t offend me, I was more intrigued than anything because I wasn’t exactly sure what it meant. Do I date white women because I pronounce the g’s at the end of words? Is there something wrong with dating white women? Do I date white women because I have a degree and a career? Did she think I was a sellout that was redeemed in her eyes? I was more fascinated that was how some people thought than her opinion of me.
End ramble.
"Do I date white women because I pronounce the g’s at the end of words?"
You sir have gave me my first giggle of the day. Thanks!
I have a habit of looking at Black men and instantly concluding that they do or do not date White women.
I started doing it when I was a teenager and it was actually useful information to me and now I can't stop doing it even though I really could not give less of a sh*t.
I don't know how other people call it but for me it's just a vibe a man gives off. I'm almost never wrong.
I too can peep out brothas who are allergic to Black women. I think it's a tight, "i'm better than you" vibe. I'm almost never wrong too. Where I live, it's usually the ultra-dark bald head guys and the mulattos who can pass for white under certain lighting. lol This is judgemental, I know.
i've e-known streetz for a minute now. 2003-2004 i think. i don't know how people think he's mean. *shrug* sometimes i think people say things just to say it because when we actually met irl you seemed like a cool dude.
What are your thoughts on perceptions?
perception is just that. how other people view you. you already view yourself a certain way but i doubt that's what we're discussing here. in the end people are going to think what they want about you. sure you can do your best to sway that perception a certain way but you can't control what others think about you.
How do you handle it?
i don't think twice about it. especially online. in real life i might be affected if a person i actually care about and respect has a negative view of me. i used to be the person who cared about what everyone thought of me. as i've grown i've come to realize that the opinions of people who hold little value in your life don't matter. online personas fall under this category.
Do you judge unconsciously or on purpose?
i'm not going to lie. i judge often. in my mind though. there's a difference. for instance i side eye a lot of comments and thoughts i see across the blog world. now i wouldn't just go calling out people all willy nilly because everyone is entitled to their opinion despite how idiotic and backwards it may be.
What is the best way to control or combat perceptions?
simple. don't think about. you can make some people happy all the time. all the people happy some of the time but you can't make all the people happy all the time.
Bloggers/Writers do you try to skew your writing to avoid being looked out a certain way?
i know i do. i can't even lie. i have like 10-12 topics in my blackberry that i'm not sure i want to write about because it would put me in a certain light.
"i’m not going to lie. i judge often. in my mind though. there’s a difference. for instance i side eye a lot of comments and thoughts i see across the blog world. now i wouldn’t just go calling out people all willy nilly because everyone is entitled to their opinion despite how idiotic and backwards it may be."
Right!!!
I guess it comes down to picking and choosing my battles… I don't always want to expend energy getting hyped up over some nonsense. Plus… like you said, everybody is intitlted to their opinion. And everyone's experiences are different…
*daps*
I still remember when we met at ATL greek and I was liek "son is really 8ft 9 lol" I was on a decline though.
We all gotta getup and hoop though. That would be whats really good.
@Streetz: "I still remember when we met at ATL greek and I was liek “son is really 8ft 9 lol” I was on a decline though."
"I was on a decline though"
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO
lol at 8'9. i really don't even think about how tall i am until some points it out.
yeah that would be what's up. gonna be in new york in may and possibly august.
U cannot eliminate bias and it is from that, that perceptions are made.
Sbm writers are celebrities to their readers much in a the same way as a star studded celebrity is to their fans and critics in the real world. The fact that we keep coming here to read what u have to say allows us to we feel we know u thru your daily ramblings writings (cos they are essentially your opinions on a said topic). Not true.
Fact is just cos I read things here or follow all of u on twitter it doesn't mean I really know u! I can judge your arguments/reasoning on a topic to see if they are sound by the way u structure your words and the justifications u give but I cannot (and should not) use that alone to judge u as an individual.
Unfortunately, The age of information throws a lot of data out about the sbm team of writers. People are gonna assume they know them. So more often then not, as a human being that doesn't hang with these guys everyday, I'll process that data wrongly and the resulting info I collate on a sbm writer, is gonna be flawed. Why? Cos cognitive bias is a b*tch!!! But it's inherent in human nature. So if u don't matter to me I just ignore!
I'm a fan of Most but there have been a few times that I've not been on board with some of his pov or the tone in which he presents it. But he pov is valid to him based on his experiences and he always provides a reason for why he says things. I admire him for he's solid and consistent stand point. That's a good measure of a man.
I've met sbm and I can say that he seems like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders. I think I've always thought that about him but that could be hindsight bias coming into play…a result of the fact that I've met him. I say he's great cos I've talked to him about various things and his replies on those topics resonated with me. If they didn't I could be here saying otherwise but even then people should take that with a pinch of salt cos it doesn't mean I'd be right. Fact is I still don't actually know him
Outside of sbm and twitter, I'll say that streetz is not arrogant or mean. Dude is all kinds of easy going. He's actually a breath of fresh air compared with many other men I know. He's quick witted and patient (so long as u don't throw up in his car). He's a tad more sensitive than he cares to admit but all in all he's straight and honest. Yes, He's fine (no doubt) but looks alone have little to do with his confidence of self at this age. His opinions come from a mature pov. I can't think of a time in the real world that he's backed up his thinking (on a serious issue!!!) with a crappy nonsensical thought process.
Those are my opinions on 3 writers here, based on what I've perceived.
Sadly, I don't think anyone can control perceptions now…not in this day and age…forget bias cos this information age doesn't allow for that anymore.
Think about wiki leaks has done wrt to our perceptions of govts!
Thing is, If u're not saying anything about yourself it doesn't matter cos there's always someone out there that has an opinion of u and they are more than willing to share it on the internet (right or wrong).
The key here is leaving your bias at the door and getting to know people! But therein lies the rub…cos it's a two way process
I think us readers are actually a tad selfish…we want all the writers to recognise us as an individual and open up to us; if they don't, we have an issue with it cos feel neglected after we take the time to read their blogs daily. Truth is If u think of how many people have, do and will follow this blog u will see it's impossible for these guys to take the time to respond to everyone all the time on every forum. Doesn't meant they don't appreciate us…it sure doesn't mean they are mean or arrogant!
I aint sensitive shawty, Im a thug!
*c-walks out of comments section*
Just read Ice Cube is doin shows in small clubs wit Dub C. Gotta catch one.
I think my perception on the internet is pretty close to how folks perceive me in real life accept, I think I come off way too serious on the net. I think I'm a pretty decent writer in some regards, but one area I fall way short on is humor. Even when I'm trying to be funny, it's perceived as serious. I feel like, if you meet me in person or hang out with me, I have tons of jokes and I think people generally enjoy my sense of humor. For some reason, I don't think it comes across on the net.
I'm also kind of an a**. In real life. I wouldn't say that I'm mean, I just don't hold my tongue at all, and people's feelings are often secondary. I say it all the time. Dr. J and I probably seem very different on the internet, as far as our personalities are concerned, but in real life, I think we're a lot more alike than we are different. We often disagree with each other, but the manner in which that disagreement is expressed is usually similar.
Oh, no one is disputing that you're an ass…online and otherwise…
:-p
No, wait, I mean #NoDisrespectThough
Whatever Star! You know you e-love me despite my semi-racist-a**holeishness
I forgot to mention… funniest example of perception being way off I've ever experienced – on my post last week, one reader say she thought I was an old white man, not just because of my avatar, but because of my comments.
That was bugged out to me…
I didnt think you were an old white man… did think you were older though.
And Ion't love you! <del>I just love your bloggy style</del>
Re: avi perceptions, why you think it took me months to post my pic?
Starita: "Re: avi perceptions, why you think it took me months to post my pic?"
LOL, yeah, I think we all had that, "SHE'S WHITE?" moment!
Lmfao @ Hugh. There was a great *GASP!* heard 'cross SBM.
Like I said about Streetz… You're an Ass! lol
We will leave sports out of this comment…
I feel I can be my most quirky self with complete strangers, so if Im a complete nut job with a friend, there are only two people in this world I feel Im that way with, then that person truly is a valuable person in my life. When I was online more in another forum you eventually build relationships with other commenters and eventually your true self seems to peak out as oppose to your opinions or how you would like to be perceived…its life. Yoy are who you are.
I get a bum rap in RL when people don't know me. They think I'm some kind of angry balck woman. When Im honestly one of the nicest lowkey people you will ever meet. I just find it odd and creepy to have a smile on your face for no reason at all times. *shrug* I actually had a pledge in the middle of ritual call me unapproachable…they were quickly cut off and reprimanded lol
So yall think Right Coast Lex Steele really has a 12 inch idck and wears sunglasses and tims when he ufcks mostly white girls. ROFL
People that don't watch p@rn like "Huh?" LOL
You can only control your own behavior, and hope people have a positive perception of you. Ultimately, you can't control what other people think about you, good or bad, especially in this e-world, where you can't see a smile or a laugh between the lines of a blog comment or a tweet.
Awesome post! And to me it hits home in some ways. I "e"-met some folks on another forum who thought nothing of talking a lot of trash and even liberally tossed the dreaded "N" word around when talking online amongst themselves. [2520s and Azns, go figure] So the first time we all met IRL I realized what most know already, the online personas were just that. And many of them told me that when they're online playing PS3 or XBOX live it's 3x worse. I've read some pretty inflammatory posts from a guy I was just drinking/eating with at a dinner party at a friend's house last Saturday. True, we may not agree on a myriad of different subjects but he has his right to his uncensored opinion just like I do mine.
Work pretty much prevents me from doing anything but random hit/run posts in here and on VSB. But I read/lurk as often as I can and only really write e-books when it's something I'm passionate about or something that troubled me. That's the only reason I commented on the RCLS post, because prior to reading it Starita and I spoke offline and I could tell another post in SBM had really bothered her. So I felt the need to say something. It might've been taken the wrong way, but isn't that the inherent reason for a blog anyway. Free exchange of thoughts, ideas, arguments, etc?
We just started posting blogs at my job, but the comments section is locked down. Which to me seems a little disingenuous. You want to interact with the public, but don't want to hear what they have to say truthfully and unchecked?
Anyway, like I said great post Streetz and I'm on the lookout for your workout/fitness posts!
Funny what you said about the n word. The Washington Post website usually has comments sections for its articles.
It will really mess your head up to realize the racist stuff being written is being written by people sitting in cubicles all over the city.
Yo… I was stranded in the hood one night in Queens due to Long Island Railroad Malfeasance. It was well after midnight and I had to work in the morning… so I called the only person I knew with a V in the area – Streetz. Homey wiped the coal out his eyes, hopped out of bed and was there in like 10 minutes flat. Drove me all the way back to my crib in LI and then REFUSED gas money. I had to insist he take it.
I say that to say… it's just bugged out to me how anyone could ever perceive him as arrogant or mean. He's one of the nicest dudes I know… seriously. In that way, perception on the internet is, to a certain extent uncontrollable.
You wouldve did the same for me fam. Thats what the 'hood is bout!
*daps*
Off topic:
RIP Nate Dogg & Pac
"I wish it would have been another,
How long with they mourn my brotha?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN7FbbQxgHU
Bill Simmons perfectly described Nate Dogg indirectly speaking about someone else. He said Robert Horry is the Nate Dogg of the NBA.
Flip that, and it describes Nate Dogg perfectly, the Robert Horry of hip-hop. Probably not that great on his own, but let him do the chorus on a song for anyone, and you have a hit. As Mack 10 said, "it must be a single with Nate Dogg singin on it".
ROFL So true. Nobody sung a hook like Nate Dogg.
Just think….all that money Warren G made off Regulate…..and the only reason people liked the sone was Nate Dogg.
"I laid all them busters down, I let my gat explode,
Now I'm switchin my mind back into freak mode."
LOL classis Nate Dogg
Yes, R.I.P Nate Dogg. Nate was a staple for West Coast rap. Can’t say the same for Pac…He’s not a born and raised native of Cali (specifically Southern California). Pac didn’t even spend half his life in Cali. I mourn, on this bright and sunny day in L.A., over Mr. G-Funk era of my era…R.I.P Nathaniel Hale =(
had to give yall one more in case you are unfamiliar with the genius of Nate Dogg…..Neva leave me alone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzveEPBVQtA
Blew so much smoke to this one it's actully activating the excess THC still attached to my neurons as I listen….LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRwTb2kXkYU
I'm a prick in real life, and apparently I'm an unintelligent prick online. Either way, I'm winning. (c) Charlie Sheen, The Don
Wacka? Really? I already told y'all I look like Beans on an Atkins diet.
I couldn't even get Jeezy? Wacka? The Flame dude? #cmonson
so i read this at midnight but fell asleep before i could comment. womp.
this is a great post. i must admit i formed opinions about all of the writers on this site during the first few weeks of my discovering it.
i think perception is relative, like several of the commentors have stated. even if you present yourself in the best possible light, someone may form a negative opinion of you solely based on their past and what someone with whatever attributes they perceive you to have, was like.
i thought Dr. Jay was a jerk pretty much based on past posts, but now i respect his honesty because it is consistent, no matter if he's lifting people up, or offending the masses, and that's commendable.
i like to think that my online personality matches that of me in real life, but a keyboard can only display so much of someone. life in 3D away from the screen is much more complex and real-time than well thought out and crafted responses or posts, for anyone. so for someone to think they truly know someone based off of this, is well, wrong. lol
*Pours out LG for the homie Nate Dogg*
Heres one more reminder everyone that its not too late to join the SBM bracket!
http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/grou…
Hey Mr. Streetz,
Perception vs. Reality. That is a great topic. Today, I was reminded of this when one of my co-workers, a fellow African American, fellow professional, a fellow brother that I'm cool with and we've had a lot of heartfelt discussions in the workplace… said to me, "Wow, you totally did the white girl thing today" It was based on an interaction I had with him and someone in his office. Whatever I said, and however I said, obviously reminded him of a white girl. Now, I have heard this my whole entire life and I am quite proud to be a black woman. I also am dark chocolate and where my hair natural (afro) so that creates a whole set of other perceptions. I realize that how people see me has something to do with me but largely has to do with where they have come from and their experiences. Of course being perceived wrongly bothers me, especially when I have these experiences with people that I think know me. Oh well….