8 Things Women Don’t Understand About Men

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Metaphor. And this is not an Alpha bus.

We, the incredible duo of RightCoastLexSteele and Slim Jackson, are here today to help better the world. We are advocates of efficiency and promoters of peace. Over the last 20 something years, we have made a variety of observations and encountered a plethora of obstacles involving the opposite sex. We also know that our brethren have suffered through equal if not worse foolishness in the confines of their relationships and/or “situations.” In an effort to eliminate headaches on both sides of the line, RCLS and Slim present to you the list of Things Women Just Don’t Get.

1. Our phones are rarely ever on full-sound alert and not always attached to our bodies.

One of the most irritating and perhaps most commonly asked questions by a significant other is “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” The answer is simple. We often keep our phones on vibrate or silent, and it’s not necessarily because we’re in the streets sliding off with your homegirl. Additionally, we do not keep them at our hips waiting for your call or your text message 24/7. If it is absolutely critical that you get a hold of us at that very moment, be creative. Calling 14 times in a row or sending a “where the f*ck are you?” text every 2 minutes won’t make us hear the vibration any quicker.

2. We don’t like talking on the phone

A major part of the reason our phones are usually no where to be found is because we hate talking on them.  This is also the same reason that the landline jack doesn’t have an answering machine, cuz if you can’t leave a message, it’s practically like your phone call never happened, which saves us the hassle of returning calls.  And don’t think it’s just you we don’t like talking to on the phone. Well, maybe it is you but we also don’t like talking to our parents, other loved ones, homeboys, telemarketers…no one.  Even if Jesus called, we’d probably tell him to just shoot us an e-mail.  Have you ever walked in on your man on a Sunday with the phone stuck to his ear talking to his homeboy about AP’s new cleats?  Doubt it.  Unless your man lives or is from Atlanta or DC, then maybe. (Yea, we said it.)

3. Just because we’re not clapping our hands rapidly and nodding aggressively at every word doesn’t mean we’re not listening.

Quite honestly, if we did nod our heads aggressively and clap our hands rapidly, that would be kinda gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that. But if we are dating you, you don’t want us to be gay. Just understand that we listen differently and that if you want to keep our attention, don’t keep going on tangents.  Keep in mind, timing is everything.  Typically, Sunday is not one of our listening days.   Love ya.

4. Seriously, I do love you.

No matter the stage of the relationship, there comes a time in every man’s life when his boo claims that he doesn’t show enough affection, which if you translate back into woman-speak really means “You don’t reciprocate enough.”  Just because he doesn’t shoot you back an “xo” at the end of every text or end every call with “I miss you/I love you” does not mean he doesn’t feel that way.  It just means that he has a Y chromosome.  If I had a nickel for everytime I heard my dad tell my mom “I love you”…well, I’d probably owe the nickel guy some money.  And don’t “test” him by doing it when you know his boys or other women are around.  That’s a demerit.

5. When we say don’t move, that means don’t move.

Now we understand that y’all like to feel a sense of accomplishment when it comes (hehe) to making your man or eff buddy blast off. However, you must understand that there are a certain number of strokes we need to get to before we authorize the deployment of the troops. We don’t speak in opposites like you do. So when we say don’t move or slow down, DO NOT speed up. Though the nut will feel great, we’ll just have to mark the encounter as an incomplete and document the inability to listen in your personnel file. Would you like it if the bus came early (hehe again) and you flagged it to slow down and the driver sped up and left you there? Well then.

6. We like head.

This can not be said or written about enough. We like it, so you should at least act like you like it too. And if you’re feeling particularly ambitious, chug ‘em.

7. Our booboo will always stink.

No point in asking what we ate or what we’re doing in the bathroom. Just know that it will stink and that you really shouldn’t go in there for 10 minutes even if we did spray before we walked out.

8. You can’t be our everything 24/7.

We have lives and we have friends. We also have preferences on what we enjoy. Just because we don’t wanna do what you wanna do doesn’t mean we don’t care about you or that you have decreased significance in our lives. No, I’m not staying home with you while my boys go to Game 7 of the championships and no, I’m not just gonna go see this god awful movie because McDreamy kisses someone. $11.75 may not seem like much, but sometimes it’s the difference between purgatory and hell.

So that’s our list for today. What do the men think of this? Any additions? How about the ladies? We’re sure you wanna tell us about things that men just don’t get. That’s fair game for today. Let’s do this…sideways. Get it? Got it? Good!

Yep. Omegas Can Write Good,

The Award-Winning Slim Jackson & RightCoastLexSteele

P.S. The video below is an example of the tomfoolery of a woman who just doesn’t get it.

P.S.S. We know it was supposed to say we write well.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AV3cmEWX4&feature=player_embedded

 

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From Our Partners

  • http://www.ibeparanoid.com Lola

    Hahahahaha!!!!!! This was a very funny post! I see what you did there and it made me chuckle each and every time lol

  • PrimoSupremo

    THAT VIDEO THOUGH… #CLASSIC! GREAT POST. ALL SBM'S FEMALE READERS SHOULD FORWARD IT TO THEIR GIRLS!

    • Starita34

      THAT VIDEO!! I'm just… O_O

      Wow…

      Still O_O

      And I thought I encountered a psycho this weekend!

      • http://herlilblackbook.com HLBB

        Okay, this is where I'm confused…

        What kind of relationship did they have that she did not process the fact that he was going away for 2 weeks? How self centered / stupid/fucked up is this chick?

  • http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane

    I suck at communication. I hate talking on the phone and even texting. I'm a strong advocate for silent. Nowadays these phones vibrate too hard.

    Good list-

    • monica

      If you don’t like to talk on the phone, why the hell you have it in the first place!!! Yust to say you have one two??? If you don’t want to use it give it to some one else that need to use it!

  • http://[email protected] LiveLoveSing

    The one (read: only) thing I missed during Spring Break in Miami was SBM. Hilarious post, definitely keeping some of these in the back of my head. Also, that video is PRICELESS.

  • Thereluctantsocialit

    "2. We don’t like talking on the phone."

    I hate talking on the phone too… probably because I despise small talk. I'd rather sit in silence with someone than to force myself to find something to talk about on the phone…

    Great list :)

    • Beef Bacon

      Same here.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I'm not a phone person either. I'm more of a face to face person. I don't even like texting…except s.exting, I love that. lol It makes a boring day go by better.

  • Watch_Yeezy

    Good laugh

  • Christina

    #1 goes both ways. I won’t answer my phone if I’m watching sports, The Dog Whisperer, 60 Minutes or any other TV program that I take great interest in. I don’t like the “What were you doing when I called” response from a man. Give me my space and freedom to breathe or give me death.

    #2. Ya’ll don’t like talking on the phone? Or ya’ll don’t like talking on the phone for hours? I don’t have any heterosexual men in my life who share this sentiment.

    I get #3 through #8 and I’d like to add to the list. A lot of women don’t get why a man can’t give his full, undivided attention to her while he’s watching sports. My female friends complain to me about their boyfriend not paying attention to them while watching sports on TV. I usually ask them “Can you read a book and listen to music at the same time”? No…Oh ok, end of discussion.

    • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

      I tried to read a book and listen to music on the train and failed miserably. Ignorant Rap and The Tipping Point don't mix.

    • sanen85

      I can't read a book without music most of the time.

  • TKO-Curly

    “2. We don’t like talking on the phone.”

    In the past I use to enjoy talking on the phone but after this post I have to rethink it.

    LOL at the two things he learned….don't date passionate ppl and keep your phone on when in Europe.

  • Miles Slade

    Video was absolutely classic. And I really hate talking on the phone. I make it a point to tell a girl that when we first start talking but do they get it? No, of course not. So I get hit with, who you over there sexing? What's the B**** name? Boring MF! And a load of other names that I don't quite deserve but hey gotta continue fighting the good fight.

    • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

      I find that even when we tell some women stuff upfront, they just say okay and in their mind go "we'll see about that." Then they get salty when we actually do what we said we were gonna do. I've had to say "why are you so surprised?" no less than 10 times.lol

      • GirlSixx

        [I find that even when we tell some women stuff upfront, they just say okay and in their mind go “we’ll see about that.” ]

        This is funny because it's soooo true.

        • Brittney

          Oh so sadly true lol

      • PrimoSupremo

        True!

  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Peter Parker

    great post…totally agree w/ #2…goooood grief, i barely like talking on the phone, and i detest being on the phone for hours…except if it's someone i like, and even then, i'd rather be in person, than talk everyday for 3 hours about tediousness..what i did today could be described in Ace Hood's "Hustle Hard Chorus" in 20 seconds

    and i've seen that video before..classic…

    email in 07 though…he could've done a remote connection, but even then the charges woulda been high

  • http://www.blackgirlsareeasy.com nc17

    greatest video of ALL time! "I left a message calling your mom" I've been through that and mom's is never happy to get a rabid chick demanding to know where her son is especially when mom's has no idea who that chick is in the first place!

  • Jupiter Calhoun, hab

    I'm not a fan of talking on the phone for hours. No phone call needs to go over 30 minutes. At the most, I can give you 45, but know that during those last 15 minutes, I'm progressing from eye rolls to punching the sofa.

    That leads to #3, or rather…

    #3.5 – Not everything you talk about is as interesting as you think it is. Seriously. Your two married co-workers having too many lunches together, isn't that interesting. It may be a soap opera to you. To us, it's a story about two people we don't know, doing something that doesn't affect us or you, for that matter. We'll hear you. Oh GodAllahBuddha, will we hear you. But, we're not listening. It's like the discussion about Jimi Hendrix from White Men Can't Jump.

    Finally, regarding #8, I chalk this up to either selfishness or insecurity. I've got a theory on both sides of that, but it's getting late. I will say this…both women AND men do it. It's controlling behavior. I've got a solution for it too. Whenever you get dragged to see Why Did I Get Married 4 : The Search for Alimony, sit through it patiently and maturely. The following weekend, you politely insist upon watching a double feature of Enter the Dragon and Game of Death. Upon encountering resistance, bring up the latest cinematic bowel movement by Ms. Perry that you had to endure. Tolerate no whining, abide no nagging, and accept no compromise. Before you know it, you'll be able to watch the Bulls stomp the Heat in peace, while she swoons over Morris or Boris.

    • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

      That "Why Did I Get Married 4" title made me spit out these Froot Loops.

      Yeah. I still eat Froot Loops. Don't judge me.

      • Jupiter Calhoun, tem

        The only thing wrong with you eating Fruit Loops is that they aren't Fruity Pebbles.

        Flintstone for Life, son! What!?!

  • http://Twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

    #2 – I never knew how much I disliked talking on the phone until I dated someone that loved to text. Since then, I can tolerate brief conversations if I talk to you regularly via text, if not then we can go upwards of an hour or so. My fiance isnt a fan of this but our current situation has on opposite schedules so talking is so minimal and when it does happen its almost forced.

    #8 – I have too many interests to count and when I'm in my zone Im pretty much gone. I will survive if I dont se we you a few weekends. I will survive if we dont talk on the phone daily. I promise the relationship will not end if I dont tell you what I did at work which you wont understand even if I dumb it down to the point that I still underatand it.

  • Starita34

    #5: So you're saying to like to #DickSoak sometimes? Lol, sorry, couldn't resist, that ish is so…….

    • http://redlady821.wordpress.com/ RedLady821

      Almost spit out my coffee, you Miss are a NUT!

      • Starita34

        So…you're gonna say "spit" and "nut" in the same breath and I'm just supposed to let that go?

        O_O

        Oh.

        *cough* http://bit.ly/1fQCh2 *cough*

    • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

      I saw Ms. Dukez talking about this "soak" on twitter. Is that the same thing as putting it in and letting it marinate?

      • Starita34

        You could say that…or you could say it's totally unfulfilling sex for the purpose of claiming retained "virginity".

        http://bit.ly/9XKm5B
        *blank stare*

        • PrimoSupremo

          THAT URBAN DICTIONARY DEFINITION IS HILARIOUS… I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SOAKING, EVER!

        • Starita34

          I hadn't either. D@mn you BYU for taking that bit of innocence from me!

  • http://twitter.com/bsquared86 BSQUARED86

    #thatvideo O_O

    #1 is the truth! I know people (women & men) who flip out if their SO doesn't answer their call or respond to their texts immediately. If you miss a phone call and it turns into 5 calls, 15 textmessages, 2 voicemails, a string of 10 subtweets, and a passive aggressive FB status, that ain't healthy. Run, baby, run! lol.

    I'd like to add some unisex things. . .

    —We can't help it if other people are eyeing us.

    Why in the hell are you getting an attitude with your SO b/c somebody hit on them? That's just stupid! What do you want them to do? If they act on it or encourage it, then pitch a fit but if they don't #saddown. They can't help that other folk (aside from you) find them attractive,

    —Just answer us truthfully when we ask what's wrong. It'll save everybody a lot of time and energy. You won't have to try so hard to hold it in or make us guess and we won't have to try so hard to break down your barriers or make it up to you when we can't read your mind. And on that note . . .

    —We are not mind readers. I can't read your mind and you can't read mine. If you ever say "_____[should] know why I'm mad," slap yourself immediately. I don't assume I "know" anything unless you tell me in some way. Use your words, lol. And speaking of which . . .

    —The silent treatment sucks for everyone. Period. You're seething. I'm confused. You get fed up. I get fed up. The situation is exacerbated for no reason and now we have a big blow up argument.

    • Jupiter Calhoun, tem

      Righteous. That's what that was.

    • PrimoSupremo

      *SNAP SNAP* TO THAT LAST ONE!

    • Hugh Jazz

      BSQUARED86: "I’d like to add some unisex things. . .

      —We can’t help it if other people are eyeing us.

      Why in the hell are you getting an attitude with your SO b/c somebody hit on them? That’s just stupid! What do you want them to do? If they act on it or encourage it, then pitch a fit but if they don’t #saddown. They can’t help that other folk (aside from you) find them attractive

      This. Why would you want to be with someone that no one else finds attractive?

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I cosign ALL of this…especially the controlling of other people's attractions. Any time a man would cross the line or come at me, it was my fault. My ex would straight up harrass me…why did I laugh at his joke? why am I showing so much teeth? why did I ask him for the time? why did I walk less than one foot close to him? I shouldn't have rubbed my neck, rubbing my neck is a mating signal. Negro PLEASE! ugh.

  • http://www.twitter/shubby_doo shubby doo

    Lol…this is hilarious. Fab post for this monday morning. #1 and #2 I can understand (I'm plain bad with calls) but y'all will never win with #3 and #4. Never! Lol

    P.s
    Re: #7 – your booboo doesn't have to always stink up the whole place. Light a match and wave it in the toilet bowl and around the bathroom until the smoke turns black (that's the sulphur reacting with/ or camouflaging the methane from the poop, I think) whatever the case, the important thing is the smells goes. That's my offering to get this list down. Goes to show that improvement on perfection is still very possible! :)

  • berriblk

    With #1 and 2… I find men to be the biggest offenders. Im not a phone person AT ALL. Its the first thing you'll know about me. Like Bethenny said, "I dont like small talk, I like big talk." I will say when I do call someone I would like them to pick up. I don't call often or of ever so yeah pick up.

    #3. You guys suck at listening. And don't let it be a guy who talks a lot…they are horrible listeners.

    #4. Don't do that to me either. You will and have gotten your feelings hurt. There's only a finite number of times I will say it, if you use it too much it loses significance, duh.

    #6. Well great. I like it too

    #8. I like to think I am so leave me alone. Lol

    • sanen85

      "With #1 and 2… I find men to be the biggest offenders. Im not a phone person AT ALL. Its the first thing you’ll know about me. Like Bethenny said, “I dont like small talk, I like big talk.” I will say when I do call someone I would like them to pick up. I don’t call often or of ever so yeah pick up."

      Exactly how I feel.

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      number THREE. amen hand to that one.

  • http://www.twitter.com/divakattgoddess divakattgurl

    Yeap that list sums it up quite nicely! I just got out of bootcamp and can't even go into a list…I'm freezing, wet, and I want my mommy!

  • TellyLongLegs

    I only have a problem with part of #1. Some guys claim to not have their phones with them all the time and that's the reason why they can't/didn't pick up the phone but I call BS. If I know you're a guy that checks his phone often but when I call you "missed" it then you're lying.

  • QueenT

    That video was hilarious…poor guy hiking through the himalayan mountains..having a good time..and his girl is on the other side of the world..freaking the hell out! LOL! How did she NOT know he was going away? There is not listening..and then there is totally out of touch….lol…well, he was better off without her.

    I appreciate this list..because sometimes I just need a little reminder of how Mars like you guys really are…thanks, Slimuel.

    Nicely done.

  • GirlSixx

    #2….

    That's me all day. I HATE talking on the phone, I'll text/email/bbm essays though. *shrug*

    It's gotten so bad now that I will see my phone ringing and let the caller go to voicemall, then I'll turn around and hit em with a "Hey you called, what's up?" Text and get pissed the eff off when they CALL me back instead of responding via TEXT. Helloooo……. I purposely answered your phone call via text msg for a reason.

    • Therelucantsocialte

      "I’ll turn around and hit em with a “Hey you called, what’s up?” Text and get pissed the eff off when they CALL me back instead of responding via TEXT. Helloooo……. I purposely answered your phone call via text msg for a reason."

      Haha! RIGHT!!!!

      I hate when you're going along fine texting somebody and then they say "Hold on… Imma call you."

      Ugh! Why???? I really only talk on the phone to people that I know really well. If you want to talk, let just meet up somewhere and talk in person. I HATE the phone…

      • http://redlady821.wordpress.com/ RedLady821

        LMAO, my husband does that to me ALL the time. We can be having a text convo and then I will try to call and he won't pick up. I will text "why didn't you pick up?" He will say, "Cause I was texting you". OMG….

        • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

          Props to the hubby for holding his ground and not answering.lol

    • sanen85

      I get pissed off at the exact opposite. I'm not a huge fan of texting or long phone calls, but I will choose the most effecient way to communicate. If I am calling, it is for a reason, so don't turn around and answer my call with a "what's up" text. Different strokes and ish.

      • Starita34

        Right!?! Texts are for short exchanges of fact or for communication when you can't talk.
        ~"I'm on my way"
        ~"We're meeting at Houlihans at 8"
        ~"I'm in a meeting, what's up?"

        Once we pass the 5th back and forth, I'm annoyed and calling. Exceptions have been made of course, but in general…

        • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

          exactly this! I don't even dignify text replies to phone calls with a response unless its to tell me they are somewhere quiet and can't talk and that they will call later–that is also the only way I'll respond to a call with a text. esp if someone

          is blowing me up like its an emergency.

          I like technology but it is really ruining the way many people communicate…

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        OMG yes I hate that too. I'm not a phone person but if I'm calling, it's for a reason. Don't text me back.

  • il Duce the Grand Na

    1. Our phones are rarely ever on full-sound alert and not always attached to our bodies.

    ___________________________

    Yes!!!! MEN DO NOT CARRY PURSES.

    Men often leave the house with nothing but keys and money.

    And my new philosophy for 2011…….texting is for females…real men don't text.

    • GirlSixx

      "And my new philosophy for 2011…….texting is for females…real men don’t text."

      BOGUS!!!

      I assume you're one of those "phone bone marathon lovin types"… :)

      • il Duce the Grand Na

        I will never understand how typing one letter at a time on a tiny keyboard has become so popular.

        • GirlSixx

          I'll take "Blackberry" for $400 Alex.

  • http://redlady821.wordpress.com/ RedLady821

    This entire blog was so true.

    That video was crazy. She went off the DEEP end, it just made me chuckle.

    • GirlSixx

      She sure did…

      Eh, he dodged a missile with that one. *ShakesHead*

  • http://www.magnetforfoolishness.wordpress.com Magnet for Foolishne

    wow…omegas really can write good. sometimes.

    loved the post and LOVED the video. unfortunately, as i'm sure you know, that stuff is not uncommon!

  • TWisM81

    Can we just log this under Man Law. Men don't like long conversations on the phone. That doesn't mean we can't hold a conversation, we just don't. We communicate to relay information. Once that objective's been done… Mission Complete. End of conversation.

    Male to Male Conversation: "You rolling to the club tonight?" "Yeah, headed down to U St. around 10:30." "Alright, cool. See you then."

    Female to Female Conversation: Hey, Girl. You going out tonight?" "I think so." "What are you wearing…"

    (1hr 37min later…)

    "…Then she had the NERVE to tell me…"

    (45 min later)

    "Okay, well I better start getting ready. I'll see you later."

    Please don't get salty if you ask a man a yes/no question and get a yes or no response. That's how we roll.

    • TellyLongLegs

      Lol @ girl's convo.

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      LMAO @ the girl's convo. that is so incredibly true. lmbo. except we're both getting ready and talking because we employ the wondrous little device called a bluetooth. so our calls usually end with, "okay let me find my phone, call you when i get there."

  • Beef Bacon

    That video was hilarious.

    Two things I do at work that I hate doing after work hours: Talk on the phone and get on my computer.

    People kinda know to reach me during works hours because I get lost after 5pm. I barely have enough time for my family; I can't spend those fleeting moments with idle chat on the cell.

    The rest of the list was a great refresher course.

    Funny post you guys!

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    Cell phones are from Venus, and Caller ID is from Mars.

    The expectation that because you call someone they should pick up the phone is the most absurd addition of the 21st century. Do you know that prior to 1999 when people called, you often times got the following answer?

    1) Oh, he's not here.

    2) I'll let him know you called.

    3) [a busy signal]

    4) Call him on his line.

    5) [an answering machine]

    Do you remember when you first started dating?! How did people EVER meet up?! To be honest, it's baffling to me too. Can you ever imagine going to the movies before cell phones? You had a conversation before you left your house with the chick and then you rode out on the plan. "I'll be standing at the box office" was all you had. or, "I'm wearing the Crown Royal racing jacket." And almost without fail you got there and you couldn't find each other, so you had to make the choice to leave the meeting place to go to a PAY PHONE and call her house and your mother. You are calling her house to ask if she left, when she left, and if she call to tell her that you are now at the pay phones. You call your mother to ask your mother if anyone called you. This seems frustrating, but you know what in about 15 minutes your date showed up, you went to the movies, and life went on.

    Trust me on this, the expectations that people have of their cell phones… sorry that WOMEN have of their cell phones is freaking ridiculous. And as a man who pays all his bills and ain't gotta do sh*t but stay black and die, I reserve the right to not pick up my own damn phone that I pay the bill for.

    • QueenT

      Dr J…don't do that. Men expect us to answer the phone when they call, too, love.

      Personally, I agree with you on the other statements about the cell phone…I remember when you had to beep somebody and have them call you right back….and I also remember the first mobile phone was this big azz phone that was so heavy and klunky it was ridiculous..and the minute usage was out of this friggin world…..oh and the lovely pay phone…when you were waiting on someone to return your beep..you had to stand by that phone in fear that someone would walk by and use it….the good ole days.

      People expect too much out of their cell phones..like Louis CK says…why are people always mad at their phones..like it's not doing enough for you already..you have to hear him do the cell phone rant..its friggin hilarious.

      • il Duce the Grand Na

        I remember when the hood had pay phones. ROFL

        Das why I didn't like season one of the wire. I thought it was fake. No hood in America has a pay phone anymore.

        • james

          Negative! In my hood the two phones from the 80's on Van Siclen and Cozine remain…from the the 80's to the mid 90's those phones clocked heavy time yet even with the proliferation of cell phones they are still there and I still see people on em

      • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

        Nah it's different though. Women will call you from a private number or a friend's phone, or send you mad text messages without you hitting them back. They will sometimes even get in their car and drive to where you are to see who you with. If it's a dude the most you gonna get is a text message that says, "Word?" And that's only if he believes you hit the EFF YOU button on him and your phone went to VM after one ring.

        Personally, i'm only offended by people who always get mad at me for not answering my phone, but then when I call them they don't pick up. And it usually sounds like this,

        "Mom! If I don't pick up the phone because heaven forbid i'm sleep or eating, you front me at family dinner, BUT I called your cell phone, work cell phone, work desk phone, and in order to reach you, I HAD TO WAIT until the sun went down and call the house phone for you to pick up?"

        "That's cause you didn't want anything." <— Her typical response.

    • http://blessednbeautiful.tumblr.com/ Ashley

      @Dr. J
      that was so on point

      and the worst part back then was if something happened your date leaving their house and getting to the meeting place and they had no way of letting you know there was traffic, car didn't start on time, etc which in turn made you think that they stood you up.

      Or if they got there early and went to the bathroom as you were arriving.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      LOL!! I had one of them chunky cell phones cause I didn't want to use the pay phone with all those germs! :) But seriously, I remember the pager/pay phone days. Life was simpler then. I sound like an old fogie but cell phones can be deadly to relationships (everything incriminating) and your life (texting while driving,etc) lol

      • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

        You buggin'. Your cell phone probably has more germs on it than the pay phones. You have that joint with you all the time. It's sort of why I don't touch people's remote controls when I go over their crib.

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          True lol…like what is the "grease" that be on cell phones?? What is that??? ugh.

        • GirlSixx

          @ SFG

          Oil and/or products from your hair/face/hands….

  • http://twitter.com/lhautevie Little Miss Sunshine

    let it be confirmed- i am a man.

    i need to forward this post to my ex.

  • http://blessednbeautiful.tumblr.com/ Ashley

    this made me laugh…

    #1- I don't call repeatedly if you don't pick up but I do have a calling/texting rule that goes for EVERYbody: If I call/text you 3 times in a span of 3 days (that's ONE call OR text per day) and you don't respond, the next time we talk will be b/c YOU called or texted me.

    #2- I THINK guys don't like talking on the phone when they don't initiate the conversation. I've had male friends make small talk with me when I call them but if they call to talk TO ME, then they want my undivided attention until they get whatever it is they called for off their chest

    #3- I'm aware of ya'lls listening capabilities but when it's something that I care deeply about I expect you to be REALLY listening to me but I won't give you a pop quiz on what I was saying though
    #4-show me rather than tell me so that way when you DO say it, your actions will have already proven to me that you mean it
    #5-that goes both ways and sex is not the only time you might hear me say "don't move"
    #7- we do that too though I think it's kind of cute that some men swear women don't do this
    #8-I wouldn't want to be and you can't be my everything 24/7 and I wouldn't want you to feel like you have to be

    • PrimoSupremo

      I BANG WITH THAT TEXTING/CALLING RULE…. I'M THE SAME WAY, BUT IM JUST VERY LENIENT CUZ U GOTTA UNDERSTAND THAT PPL DO GET BUSY… PLUS IF U REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE U GOTTA DO WHAT U GOTTA DO TO REACH THEM

      • http://blessednbeautiful.tumblr.com/ Ashley

        @PrimoSupremo

        I understand that people get busy and I only call/text people once a day for 3 days straight when I REALLY need to talk to them.

        If I'm just calling for small talk and you don't answer then I don't say "well, I'll call tomorrow and see if he/she picks up. I'll just wait a few days and call back or just forget about it because it's either not that important or it can wait

        • PrimoSupremo

          *LIKE* LOL

    • Re-Re

      I think ur prob the smartest one on this post today. Wish I had established ur phone/txt rule a long time ago. I always believe it was rude to not call or txt back if someone contacted me. But it's very clear to me the rules have changed. If a man doesnt want to call/txt you back, then he's not going to. I made the God aweful mistake of doing the 15-20 calls AND txts per day just to insist I get a response back. Now I know how that looks and so I refuse to do that. It's funny bc I still have the desire to want to do it but I'm getting stronger everyday and so I dont.

  • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

    Good list. I don’t really have much to add and I can’t watch the video at work. I feel like I'm part of yet still missing out on the conversation and thus, I can’t fully participate…

    Sort of like a white guy who has a bunch of black friends who keep saying the N-word. Is it ok for me to join in? Is it ok to laugh? Should I say it too? Should I sit here and stand quietly with my hands in my pockets and act like I understand? So many questions, so few answers.

    Oh, and I like that yall added a like button.

    • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

      I'm w/ WIM on this one. The gubmint is blocking my fun. So I shall sit on the sidelines w/ this one.

      I will add that as a woman…. I get ALL of these things so I'm not quite sure how I woman wouldn't but hey these are your observations not mine. And yes, I'll echo Queen T's sentiments I've been asked plenty of times by a man, "Where were you when I called?" Ninja please. I was in shower/bathroom/sleep/napping/talking to my momma…

    • Starita34

      Yay for the "like" button indeed.

    • Starita34

      Also, THIS cracks me up…and sorta relates to your comment: http://bit.ly/aOU6Gy

      • http://herlilblackbook.com HLBB

        Bahahaaha….that video cracks me up every time I see it!

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

    1. number one i can agree with then i can't. my phone is always (well most times) in my vicinity. but i do agree that my phone is always either on silent or vibrate. i don't see the point in ringers. i have a blackberry. if i get a message there's a red light on the phone that indicates i've gotten a message.

    2. i don't like it as well. talking on the phone sucks monkey balls.

    "We have lives and we have friends. We also have preferences on what we enjoy. Just because we don’t wanna do what you wanna do doesn’t mean we don’t care about you or that you have decreased significance in our lives."

    this right here. people in general need to understand that before you got with that person they had a life. after y'all break up (because most relationships don't last) they will have a life. i'm not putting my life on pause because i'm with you. sure you can be integrated into it but sometimes i just want my space. go that way —->

  • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

    LMFAO! This whole post is hilarious!! Especially, the stop moving <del>or you'll get head butted</del> part. I didn't know ya'll really meant it. Yes I did. lol I think we just like the 10 secs of ultimate control. Also, please continue to say "I love you". Not in an over-kill sense but it sounds so nice coming from a man's lips…preferrably while looking directly into our eyes <del>while digging us out</del>. We know it's all lies but it speaks to our hearts. We all win better this way. lol

    So, question: how soon does it take men to grow real feelings? Cause I know it's a while before you actually mention your feelings. lol I've heard a guy say he loved in the 3rd week.

    Some things men should know:

    *Our sh*t stinks too – so don't be surprised or judge us knowing that your sh*t stinks as well.

    *Women have ugly moments – we fart, wake up with messy hair, and have periods where we may not shave.

    *We need constant signs of approval – any woman who says otherwise is just not that into YOU. We need something, we can't guess or assume like men.

    • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

      I still fight the belief that women actually booboo. When I sense that a woman has booboo'd, I worry that she is actually a man.

    • PrimoSupremo

      TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION "how soon does it take men to grow real feelings?" ITS SITUATIONAL JUST AS MOST INTERACTIONS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN ARE… IF WE ARE PERUSING YOU THEN CHANCES ARE WE ALREADY SEE WIFEY POTENTIAL IN YOU, SO DEPENDING ON THE MAN ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE EXPRESS THAT TO YOU…

      …AND ADDRESSING YOUR LAST STATEMENT "[WOMEN] can’t guess or assume like men." THATS TOTAL B/S CUZ IT HAPPENS REGARDLESS… CUZ IF A MAN SAYS SOMETHING WOMEN TRY AND THINK OF A MILLION DIFFERENT INTERPRETATIONS OF SOMETHING THAT WAS STRAIGHT FORWARD AND DIRECT… SO WE DO OUR BEST LEAVE THE REST UP TO YOU LOL

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Thanks but why you yelling at me? lol Good answer, I guess. I'll just assume anyway. :) But it does trip me out how people will have feelings then purposely hold out on mentioning them. I notice peeps catch feelings quick now a days. I was curious how it goes for men.

    • http://twitter.com/bsquared86 BSQUARED86

      "We need constant signs of approval – any woman who says otherwise is just not that into YOU. We need something, we can’t guess or assume like men."

      This. Though I hate to admit it, lol.

      LMAO @ the "ugly moments" and such. Yeah, your girlfriend may be fine but her sh!t stinks. And that's okay, lol.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Yeah, I don't know what this "women shouldn't boo boo" thing is that alot of men have. They forget we're human and we do pass gas. lol I can tell you I am the ugliest sleeper. I sleep like a ninja, all crazy and mouth wide open. When I wake up, my hair looks like it was caught in the fan. I wish a man would say something to me…just give me 40 mins to get back my "fineness" :)

  • Jaci

    Great post SJ & RCLS.

    I agree with everything you said. I have had to learn a few of those things over again.

    For example, I wrote a letter saying that he didn't love me (basically because he wasn't doing what I wanted) he looked at me like I was crazy and took me out to dinner. I will never do that again though because I realize y'all love differently than us chicks!

    Happy Monday!

  • Hugh Jazz

    1. Our phones are rarely ever on full-sound alert and not always attached to our bodies.

    Goodness, this. 1,000 times, this.

    Look, my Blackberry has a little flashing red light that indicates someone called. You don't have to call/text me fourteen times, the one time is sufficient. Obviously, I'm occupied doing something else, or my phone isn't on, or I left it at home. Is it just me, or does it seem that when people blow up your phone, they rarely want anything important?

    4. Seriously, I do love you.

    Cosign. Just because I didn't respond to something the way you thought I would in your head doesn't mean I don't care.

  • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

    this is hilarious. that video just cracked me all the way up. did she really sleep with someone because he didn't respond? what about being concerned that he was alright? lol. gosh.

    i would say i know men don't like talking on the phone, but sometimes they do. when men are talkative, men are talkative in person, on the phone, etc. not saying every conversation, but sometimes, they do.

    a guy i was dating once told me "my phone is not my d*ck. it is not attached. i can exist without it on my person and not die." i cracked up, but that's when i realized that some men just really don't keep their phones on them like that.

    …and just like you all say "don't move," when we say "just like that" we don't mean change tempo and position. we don't. we mean, stay right there and do that. lol.

    good post.

    • Beef Bacon

      "…and just like you all say “don’t move,” when we say “just like that” we don’t mean change tempo and position. we don’t. we mean, stay right there and do that. lol"

      THIS!

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      When women say "just like that" you have to keep in mind that the position may be uncomfortable. Or he may have no idea what he just did because it seems like he was doing what he was always doing.

      • Beef Bacon

        So keep those same thoughts in mind when you say" don't move".

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Yep, just like that means just like THAT….not get excited and start doing your own thing. lol Also, you reminded me of the fact that recently I discovered I'm not a fan of talkative men. It's uns.exy to me.

  • CPT Callamity

    Great post. I'll be posting this up as to get feathers ruffled even though it was the gospel.

  • http://twitter.com/streetztalk Streetz

    This is a good post. LOL at the Alpha shots. Yall Ques set owt one post and yall wana ack up!

    How about #9 – Sometimes we wont ask for help because we love the feeling of accomplishment when we do somethign on our own. Yes this includes asking for n directions. It that paleo instict, n sh*

  • http://www.thedatingtruth.com Miss Solomon

    Every time I want to give women credit and start writing a blog post that speaks to the female intelligence something like this comes along that reminds me that, maybe I don't know as much about women as I thought. Who are these phone calling, complaining, no head giving control freaks that men are running into and why are you letting them in your life. It makes me believe that the myths are true. The normal women are single and the crazy women are in relationships because if you don't know by now that all men's poo stinks, I'm scared for you. Further more, smart women know better than to ask a man why he didn't answer his phone or he'll start asking you why you didn't answer your phone.

    Nothing against the points made but it's sad that more women aren't beyond this, why isn't this common knowledge?

  • http://www.twitter.com/eroticatales Miss-E

    This was a funny post but that video…lol. That had to be the funniest 7:43 mins for me today. I'm sure a call from the airport before he left would have sufficed, or at the least leaving a voicemail if he didn't get her. Not excusing her behavior because obviously she's a little bit of a vengeful basket case, but you can tell their relationship was new because that was messy and could have probably been avoidable minus her screwing her friend, because obviously she wanted to do that (probably already did) from the very start.

    And #2 is true to a certain extent I think. At the beginning of a relationship, before the hook-ups of course and probably shortly after, men will stay on the phone with a female for hours talking about just about any and everything. Maybe I'm looking too deep into it, but when they get tired of talking on the phone that might mean he's getting too comfortable having you around. I'm new here btw, like the posts so far!

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

      Welcome to the mix! You make sure you come back now ya here?

  • NaijaSweetz

    1. Our phones are rarely ever on full-sound alert and not always attached to our bodies.

    Fair enough. I'm pretty sure I haven't heard my ring tone in a year, if not more. My phone is either usually off or on vibrate, and it's not odd for me to respond to a text three hours after it was sent because my phone was in a different room. I don't know that that's ever been a problem during relationships, though, because there's generally very good response time on both ends. I can understand a guy's frustration when he sees x∞ calls, texts & voicemails because I get annoyed as well particularly when I'm ignoring ya ass for a reason . However, I will say that although it's never happened to me, if I find that a guy is usually unreachable, I will simply lose interest in trying to reach him. That's never a good thing, because I've never been particularly good at reaching out in the first place.

    2. We don’t like talking on the phone

    Ever since I got a cellphone at the age of 16, most of my calls have been from guys. That is not to say that I was/am hot Tamales and they're blowing up my phone like it's Baghdad (no B.O.B). Heck, the only two people who called me tonight were guys. One is an ex-turned-homie and the other is my brother from another mother who swears that I will be best (wo)man at his wedding. I have another guy friend who I've been on the phone with for 6+ hours at least a couple of times. These are usually not calls that I initiate, so any guy will have to forgive my blank stare when he tells me that the reason he doesn't call is because men don't like to talk on the phone. These dudes I've just mentioned are not of the simp variety, and although they and some others have liked me at some point or another, they are not consistently trying to get into my pants. My life is far from exciting, so there goes that other possible theory.

    My take on it is this: on average, men dislike the phone more than women do, but there is no recessive phone hating trait that is combated by our additional X chromosome. Some guys hate the phone – period -, some guys only like talking to certain girls, and some actually enjoy having phone conversations. My brother – HS star athlete, Mr. Popularity extraordinaire, etc, etc, spent madd time on the phone in his high school days, and he sure wasn't complaining about it. Nowadays it's all about BBM, but that doesn't negate his previous experience. I've had guys tell me that they usually don't spend as much time on the phone as they have with me, but none who've straight up said they hated it. But I feel like if my guy friends are picking up the phone to call me and my man sits there texting me when he could easily do the same, something somewhere is not going to sit right with me. That said, I'm not an advocate for being on the phone/texting if there's absolutely nothing to be said. I will put an end to a conversation if it's turning into a breathing competition.

    I'll just call it quits there & give a nod of acknowledgment to the rest of the points.

  • KautiousNupe

    This list was very accurate and very, very well written.

    I hate the question: Why didnt you respond to my text or answer my call. I'm like sorry babe, I was sleep. OR, sorry babe I was working out. Or sorry babe, I crashed my car into the side of the bridge and it flew into the potomac river. Her reply would prolly be "Damn, so you couldnt respond to my text before the car sunk in the river tho???" lol. shaking my damn head at women folks, lol.

    1911 Love for my purple and gold brothers. Now if we could get you guys to graduate on time like us NUPES, then we would have something to cheer about!

    (just jokes by the way, lol)

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  • LelahG

    That video was CLASSIC!! She was beyond psychopath-mode.

    On another note, selfish people make relationships suck.

  • http://www.keishakelly.com Keisha Kelly

    THANKS FOR KEEPING IT SO DANG REAL!!! AND THAT VIDEO WAS FUNNY AS HELL!!!

  • Smokie

    I'm so late and no one will probably read this, but HOW CAN A MAN GO ON A TRIP AND NOT CALL HIS WOMAN FOR TWO WEEKS???????? That's a violation right there.

    • Starita34

      Oh my gosh! Look over there!! ——->

      It's "the point"…

      I think you missed it, lol

      He did inform her that he'd be gone and do you know how expensive international calls are? lol

      Regardless, she unjustifiably went bat ish crazy…we can agree on that, right?

    • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slimuel L. Jackson

      Oh, I be reading and I'za see this.lol. It can easily happen when you're galavanting around the world. I mean, he could've sent an email or something I guess.

  • http://www.tokyobrown.blogspot.com Tokyo Brown

    I chuckled the whole way through.. good job guys! When you get some time check out MY blog. You might learn a thing or two from the woman's prospective! http://www.tokyobrown.blogspot.com

    @TokyoBrown

  • Val

    SOooo Laughing at this because I feel the same way about them ALL….

    YES BLACK MEN ~~>>WOMEN like head too!!! ~~>>Some of all wanna get it, but don't wanna reciprocate!! LOL

    Men some of yall STRAIGHT trippin if you act like you don't do the same annoying shit to your woman LOL….love the parallels!! ;)…

  • http://www.facebook.com/SingleSexySweetee Tierra Givens

    I LOVE THIS.. I LIKED THE VIDEO YOU ADDED TOO.. THANKS FOR THIS I LEARNED SOME NEW THINGS AND WERE REMINDED OF OTHER THINGS WITH THIS.. <3

  • Average Joe

    the funniest bit is they complain when you do not pick up the phone but when we are with them (the ladies they complain/get agitated when you do pick up your phone

  • Leroy

    ON POINT!!!!!
    LOL @Omegas can write good!!!

    Roooooooo

  • Tzone

    #1. We all know that cell phone batteries aint worth sh*t these days. My phone died after a few hours, why when I finally plug it up, wife is on Vmail aking why I'm not picking up, she is woried, blah blah. I call her back to see what's up, now she wants to call ME back.

    #6 Not all men.

  • Dakota

    Funny post and the video was funny as well. I hate to laugh at thier pain but ^_^

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  • Tyer

    Funny enough but ummm maybe i'm special but I think all of these apply to women as well, me anyway.

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