***************
ADMIN NOTE:
I’m starting a new series on SBM for some of the mail questions that I’ve received. While I never tout myself as an expert, I’m always available to offer my opinion and help in any way. I’ve answered a few of these over the years and decided to liberate the questions/answers for your enjoyment! I also wanted you to read, offer your own advice, and see how well I answered this question. Other members of the staff may participate too. Should be fun! Enjoy!
- Streetz
******************
The Email
Well I met my girl and some random other girl two summers ago on separate occasions but I met girl #2 through a friend and he was like “she gives the best head in the city”. At the same time I just met my girl and we weren’t serious at all , I was still questioning if she was a worthy girl or not. So one day I invite girl #2 over to my place, we chilled, smoked, drank and I made a move but it didn’t end up how I wanted to, so I just took her home and haven’t spoken to her since.
Fast forward 4 months and by now my girl and I are pretty serious, I don’t holla at other chicks and just focused on her. So we’re chillin and we’re going through her facebook and I notice we have girl #2 as a mutual friend and she asks how I know her , I told her i met her though a friend and we chilled/ smoked together.I ask her how she knows her and she replies ” she’s my COUSIN”. Now I omitted the part about inviting her to my place to chill, but I didn’t do it to deceive her but i knew if i told her she wouldn’t talk to me.
A couple weeks later, I go to her place and knock the door, and BAM girl #2 answers the door. Most akward moment in my life. I went in and sat down and she’s like ” you look familiar, like i’ve met you before”…so i said Yah we met through so and so. So I proceed to ignore her and she tries to flirt with me and my girl sees all this. I can see her getting a little jealous, so my phone rings and it saves me, i tried to prolong the convo even. Then she made the slickest move ever, she was like ” i like your ringtone can you send it to me” , i thought there was no harm in that so i agreed, she replies “add me on bbm its easier” with her bar code out and ready. FML.
Didn’t want to diss her in front of the others so I add her and the next day i made sure my girl seen me delete her off pin and ignore future requests. Fast forward a couple months and she finds out about the omitted truth from her cousin and she goes berserk. She said i was a Liar and she couldn’t be with me no more because she has standards and if she does stay she’s a hypocrite. was i wrong? - K.J.
The Response
LOL wow son. I’ve had similar happen to me…
Here’s the thing fam, the minute she said she was her cousin, you were in a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. Since you were just getting heavy in the relationship, being honest wouldn’t have hurt. You tell the truth, you’re up front, and she can’t hold that over your head.
Now you DID tell her that you 2 chilled and smoked. If she asked you if yall chilled alone and you said no, then you’re definitely wrong. You did tell her you chilled with her, and if I tell a chick me and another chilled, she definitely gonna ask if I beat. LOL.
You didn’t have s*x with shawty, so I think your GF is overreacting because thats her family, and she probably did research on you once she found out you knew cousin. Thats what women do.Thats why cousin was going hard. You got put in the Carolina Tarheels full court press fam, lolol.
When you keep it 100 on that front, especially if she asks, you can always say that you were real. You were 90% and she chose to call you out on it. Red or Blue pill, you live and you learn.
Your best defense is saying “I didnt have sex with her and you knew that we hung out together. If you’re mad that I didnt tell you she was in my house so be it, but I think that’s not fair since you knew me and her hung out.” That’s the truth. You did mess up when you didn’t divulge everything though.
Either way, good luck with that situation and you’ve now learned a valuable lesson!
SBM Community Weigh in: Did I give good advice? What would you suggest? Did I violate the G code? What’s the proper etiquette for situations like this?
My man said, “Yea we chilled, but that’s it!! #REALTEARS”
If you have any advice/relationship/other questions to ask the staff that you want to answer, hit me up: blogsondemand@streetztalk.net or any of us sbm@singleblackmale.org. Chuuch!
Woooooow! Good email! Good advice. But I think that the girl at the end OD. She should of been able to know that her man just like her also has a past that maybe neither one is proud of. She should of been able to move on if she really loved him. As far as the dude goes, I think he actually did the right thing. Yep I said it. Right. Thing. He knew what he had done and knew what his girls reaction would be but still showed her that he could be trusted but ol'girl ruined it. Fella, move on cuz I have a feeling she's not gon be able to.
Cosign this entire comment
LOL… I enjoyed that reading… No further comments…
I have a hangover… Goodnight
Lol um, of course a lot of women will say it's not a big deal now – since he only beat and he doesn't talk to Girl2 anymore and they weren't together – right? But it was family and he should have said everything. Laid it out upfront. But that little bullsh*t withholding of information is what cost him.
"Bullsh*t is what passes for the truth until the real thing comes along. The truth hurts but bullsh*t is kind. Lies are corrosive, but bullsh*t is a warm puppy."
I guess that's what he was going for til everything combed over. Lol.
From what I gather (and I believe Streetz did as well), he didn't actually beat. It sounds like at most they fooled around a little. *shrugs*
Yeah, I corrected myself later. Lol oww. You're on it Sane ^_^
I will do you one better, cause this relate what I go through IRL & being a comment poster…
"A lie is an allurement, a fabrication that can be embellished into a fantasy. It can be clothed in the raiment of a mystic conception. Truth is cold, sober fact, not so comfortable to absorb. A lie is more palatable. The most detested person in the world is the one who always tells the truth, who never romances… I found it far more interesting and profitable to romance than to tell the truth."
– Joseph Weil, aka ‘The Yellow Kid’
Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Game…
"What’s the proper etiquette for situations like this?"
Depends, is she angry because he ommitted the truth or because he tried to make a pass at her cousin?
I think at the beginning of every potential dating relationship also known as the courtship stage, people should carefully assess the level of crazyness possessed by the other person.
If you feel that you are dating a man/woman who can get upset/berserk at certain things, then you might want to tell them everything or completely WITHHOLD certain info.
Assess the potential crazy people, assess.
whats bbm?
Blackberry Messenger.
What, pray tell, is a Blackberry?
since he didn't beat, everything should be sweet.
You guys just met. There's no way you can tell your girlfriend about everyone you've came into contact with before and after her. It's just impossible. I can see if you guys had sex then I would CONSIDER saying something. Sometimes you gotta protect the one you're with…
2 Questions:
1) How did his girl NOT know her cousin was known for being the best head hunter in town?
2) Did the cousin tell his girl what actually happened? Let's face facts, she smokes and couldn't exactly remember ol' boy in the first place. Is it possible she might not have the best recollection that nothing happened (if he's telling the whole truth in his letter.)
Oh, and Question #3… How is she gonna sit in the same room and watch her cousin flirt with her BF and exchange BBM info and NOT say anything to her? #suspect
I'm pretty sure she knew the deal and was just testing son….
Thats why to me, its a good look that they did break up. Im always weary of women who go to those great lengths to catch a dude ina lie, especially when it's apparent that he wasn't doing anything else egregious to warrant a set-up
Streetz, I think I'll have to agree with you on that one. I mean to watch and do nothing?!? That was a definite "I'm gonna sit and look at how he acts" moment.
What exactly would one say in that kind of situation, though? "Yo, chick..back up off my man"? I mean..sure, you could tell her to stop playing, but I don't know that I would say something as the scene was taking place. I would let it play out and simply be my usual observant self, or just shake my head and take note of how useless my cousin is. Knowing any one of the guys I've gone out with, they would bring it up with a hint of disgust or amusement (more so the former) in their voice after she's gone.
I'm sure she knew about her cousin's hoe tendencies. That's the exact reason why she flipped out when she found out her man had chilled with the cousin before. Plus the fact that he didn't tell her the truth just makes it worse b/c even if he were to tell his side of the story she's still gonna think he smashed her cousin simply b/c she knows the girl is a hoe.
I would prefer you honesty to hurt than your lies to comfort me (my motto)
I kinda want to say he did the right thing but I don't. He didn't have sex with her and he was honest to even tell her that he chilled with her cousin. Not a lot of men would even share that kinda of information.
But I don't know what kinda of girl she is. Because if that was me I would have asked these questions:
1: Where did you guys chill?
2: How many times did you guys chill?
3: Did you have sex?
4: Are you still in contact with her?
Sounds like the same questions I would ask. You can't just flip out without asking the right questions.
I wouldn't have answered none of that.
me: I know that girl.
her: How do you know her?
me: We have mutual friends.
her: Really?
me: Yep.
[Let's say she did keep going, because unless her cousin is a h*e she has no reason to ask you.]
her: So what happened between y'all?
me: Nothing.
[Later on when her cousin spills the beanos.]
her: Why you ain't tell me something happened between you two?!
me: I don't know what you're talking about.
her: Liar! Did anything happen between y'all?
me: I already answered that question.
Trust me, the situation will work itself out. Even if she comes back with proof, (which you should always require a woman come back with), just tell her you were confused as to what she meant by anything happening … because in your mind, nothing happened.
Thing is, if nothing really happened then think about all the players here. Your girl only asks you that if she suspects that her cousin is loose, or her cousin is a drama starter. If her cousin is loose, then you can't trust h*es. If her cousin is a drama starter, it's easy to insinuate that she's lying even if she's telling the truth. If the cousin was acting like a real woman she would have approached you first and talked to you about it, and how you wanted to handle the situation.
But on the real, men need to chill on that forking up information for no reason. G-Dep about to do life for doing that. Keep that to yourself until she presents some concrete evidence and you need to take a plea.
I swear if that had have been the other way around shorty would have looked at that mutual friend and said, "That's interesting." And that's all you would have gotten.
Agree.
Asking all those questions she would be getting way out of pocket.
Its funny how dudes seem to feel need to divulge everything when asked. When shoe is on the other foot she would say … "oh he's no one, nothing happened" or "he tried to holler but I shut him down" … and keep it moving.
I would've rocked just the same as dude did. In the end he took a crack at Lucy … and had a short run with the Girlfriend before realizing she likely has trust issues and would likely result in future stress (overreacting over nothing).
G-Dep about to do life for doing that.
Real Talk… I have to learn when to shut up too…
Dr Jay
Thats cool but you just looking for future problems #Imjustsaying
When I was growing up I was a tomboy and would always get into fights like clock work. And everyone I fought would complain to my mom about my actions. But my mom never punished me. Because every time I got into a fight I would run home and tell my mom the whole story so when they came to complain they was not telling my mom anything new because she already heard the story.
This always gave me the opportunity to spin the truth in my favor. I say all this to say that it would have been better if he told her that her, he n her cousin chilled at his house and nothing happened. Giving him the upper hand to spin the story if he wanted to.
Also if the cousin is known as the town equally opportunity head giver. I'm pretty sure she is jealous that
A: her cousin got a man willing to make her wifey and she don't because she is a equal opportunity provider
B: going off of jealousy im pretty sure she spun the story so it looked like KJ was all up on her.
And knowing how his girl wasn't smart enough to ask fact finding questions in the beginning, im pretty sure she believed every word of her cousin.
That was some bullsh*t on his woman's part!
1. Her ego got in er'rybody's way!
2. Perhaps he shoulda told her er'rything from jump and said f*ck it! If she was a woman about her shit she would understand and either accept it or move on.
3. How come no one handled the flirting in the moment? Either him or his woman shoulda checked that shit on the spot. F*ck it!
4. Good advice.
I cosign this entire comment. Especially the part about nobody checking cuzzo when she stepped all the over the line…unless, that was part of the plan all along o_0 in which case, this girl needs to go anyway.
Whoa! Shady business on the cousin for trying to flirt with her cousin’s boyfriend.
-Then she made the slickest move ever, she was like” I like your ringtone can you send it to me”
He should have said: “No. But the artist is______and the name of the song is “____.”
That would have put an end to her slick ass behavior.
You gave good advice on this one Streetz. No violation of the G code since he was feelin’ girl #1. Proper etiquette for these situations is honesty. If he was honest, she’ll realize it and forgive him.
Moral of the story:
Use your head when you’re about to get some head.
"He should have said: “No. But the artist is______and the name of the song is “____.”That would have put an end to her slick ass behavior."
Exactly! He should've just stopped her in her tracks right there.
I wanna say you didn't have sex with the cousin b/c you said you made a move, but it didn't go as planned. If this is the case, which I feel it is, then you shot yourself in the foot. You should have known her cousin was going to twist the truth b/c she wanted you at some point even if it was solely for the sex or the weed.
If you slept with your (ex) girlfriend without telling her this information she deserved to go crazy on you and leave. If my boyfriend slept with my cousin who is labeled as giving the best head in the city I'd be beyond pissed. 9 times out of 10 everyone knows who their hoe-ish family members are so if you had told her earlier it probably wouldn't have been as big of a deal, at least in my opinion. Then she would have the time to think about it and get over it. Plus you said ya'll had gotten pretty serious. She's probably thinking if he lied about this what else has he lied about too.
I totally see your point on this, but the problem is this all went down before they were dating exclusively. So he didn't actually cheat on her because they had only just met at the time of "the incident". The only true party foul is the fact that the girl in question turned out to be his girlfriend's cousin which he had no control over.
The whole situation really begs the bigger question of "At what point after you meet someone should you not see other people?" I believe he is in the clear because their relationship wasn't a relationship yet.
Plus… if you meet someone who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose (guys) or a guy that could lick the crumbs out of a Pringles can (ladies) and you're not in an exclusive relationship, aren't you just going to be a little curious? lol
lol I'll be a little curious, but I'm more of a Lays kind of girl.
“At what point after you meet someone should you not see other people?”
^^^very good question!
"lick the crumbs out of a Pringles can (ladies)."
CTFU
"At what point after you meet someone should you not see other people?”
When you start seeing that same person on the regular — like 2x or more times a week because at that point it's clearly obvious that you are trying to get to know that person. (JMO)
I agree with you on this. But thatpoint hadn't come yet in their relationship.
So if I see you 2 times a week we are basically exclusive? Thats laughable. Dating is getting to know someone. If I see you once a week then that's what I'm doing. If I see someone else the other six daysthen thats what I'm doing with them.
Now if it stretches to 4 days then its heading towards exclusivity more than likely but even then a discussion on the status of things is warranted.
@ Animate:
Notice I did say 2x OR MORE a week, people operate at different speeds and seem to find what they are looking for at different intervals.
Again just my opinion.
Are you a male out of curiosity? If so I think this shows the difference b/w men and women when it comes to dating ppl that that a friend or even an associate dated/messed around with. It's also probably one of the biggest problems amongst women.
It's not a matter of he didn't cheat on her, it's the fact that it's the girl's COUSIN and the cousin is a HOE! A lot of women don't even wanna date a man if he messed around with a girl that was her best friend back in kindergarten. Why? I'm not sure, but this is how a lot of my friends think for some reason so I'm just saying. I know my brother and some of cousins have came at the same woman doing the same thing as this guy did, but they don't give a damn.
Also I would be scared if I met a man who could like the crumbs out of Pringles can…lol.
"It’s not a matter of he didn’t cheat on her, it’s the fact that it’s the girl’s COUSIN and the cousin is a HOE! A lot of women don’t even wanna date a man if he messed around with a girl that was her best friend back in kindergarten."
If messing with hoes was a criteria for not dating guys, then 75% of you all would be lesbians. period.
Yes, I was blessed with a Y chromosome. Happily male. And you're right. Men do view things differently in this case. If the tables were turned and she hung out with my cousin and nothing happened, I wouldn't really have anything to trip over. Not to mention I understand whoever I choose to start a relationship with is likely not a virgin, so someone found their way down the happy trail before me anyway.
Just my view I guess.
It seems like the guy dodged a bullet with this relationship. At least he was only a couple of months in, not a few years in.
It's natural for the gf to be upset, however, the deeper issue of her being upset is insecurity. This situation is a matter of bad timing with the wrong person. He can't be held liable for what he did while he wasn't exclusive with her.
Besides, she says she'll be a hypocrite if she stays…a hypocrite about what? Doesn't make sense.
Unfortunately, if she did stay, he would have to deal with the awkwardness of the cousin looming throughout the longevity of the relationship…not to mention the gf's constant reminders of him "messing" with the cuz.
In this situation, it's better that he cuts his losses. He obviously chose girl #1…if girl #1 doesn't see the value in that, then I guess she is a hypocrite.
She reacted that way cos it's her fam. She'd still have gone off if it'd have been her girlfriend. Dude should have just been fully honest from the get go.
The omission allowed the cousin to twist things.
Streetz's advice was on point but I think if the guy wants his girl back it's possible. All he needs to do is show her how much he cares about her. Forget the stupid cousin cos she'll always be in his and his girl's face about what happened. Simply cos rejection is a b*tch and now she's jealous of what her cousin has.
So I say if she still means anything to him, he needs to call his girl and try and win her over. if she's still being sassy and sour about the whole thing after he explains the whole truth then she's not worth it. Chalk her up to the wind…
Great advice. Right on point. But I think she dropped him like a hot biscuit because of her cousin… her cousin might be a lil heaux so she wasn't going to choose him over family, etc., knowing they had their moment….even though he claims it was nothing…That would be ugly….
I disagree I think she dropped dude because her cousin couldn't remember if she smashed or not… Hoe'z have a tendency to forget
Streetzie's Strawberry Letter! I think the advice you gave was dead on. I was laughing when I read this post.
LOL if I name it that.. the slander will be immaculate lmao
Thanks Red!
Co-sign!
That was a smutty move that guy pulled..and all this back and forth with her on the couch….let me get your bbm…she's all up in his face…she's slutty and the guy doesn't seem quite right either..but, the girl is going to side with family on this..so be it…but, both of them would have been toast in my book.
Good look on the Love advice…looking forward to more.
Good advice.
I think is those kind of situations its better to just be upfront and honest. Now, some guys thinks that means, there won't or shouldn't be any negative consequences for whatever happend. That's where the problem lies.
Of course the girl is gonna get upset about whatever happened and all but trust, it's far better for you to be transparent than her finding out second hand or on her own. When you tell her, at least she knows you keep it real and that really means a lot. At the end of the day when she's over whatever the situation was, she can feel secure in that.
disclaimer: all references to "she" above are to balanced and objective women that actually want to make something work. lol
I think you gave some good advice Streetz. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.
Whole lot of wrong in the comments
If he did not hit, you must acquit.
#Plug: New video blog up today.
*dips*
Love it!!
#LeftHandFacePalm…
CTFU… I can't take it…
lol, you're foolish. Loved the video; will read the post later.
I think its good advice, it was pretty much a lose/lose situation… On the other hand shawty needs to grow up and put her ego aside, if he really didnt do anything with girl #2 then her only real beef is that it was her cousin #GETOVERIT.
Eh,
I can understand why he omitted info like him trying to HIT because at the time he and ole girl weren't solidifed as a couple as of yet so……. NO HARM NO FOUL, and although he shouldn't have entertained
Hoe-Tina's bbm request, etc. HE DID make it a point to delete her contact info in front of GF.
GF overracted.
What I don't understand is why she was standing idle while her cousin was CLEARLY flirting with her man right in front of her?? O__o. Family or not that chic would have needed some emergency bridge/dental work.. #Thatisall
Hold up. So when you say "chill", you're not including every s*xual activity? I thought that's what people were doing nowadays… (I steer clear of that word chill)
But if he didn't get the goods and all he got was facetime, girl1 is tripping like a shoelace and suitcase.
If he didn't hit, shorty should be wit it.
I don't know why he asked Streetz what he should do, it was pretty obvious to me.
He should try and beat off the cousin now.
This is exactly what I would have done in my younger days, just to pi$$ her off. She's mad for no reason, may as well give her a reason.
This is why me and u cool lol
Yo J why was I thinking the EXACT same thing!? Charge the GF and go catch some chewing from the cuzzo. Then charge HER ass and keep it moving on both of them. If anything the GF will hear and get jealous and jump all up in your face. Either way, you winning sir.
Can I just say I feel like the situation w/ Hoe-Tina (Thanks Sixx) was a setup? Hoe-Tina is spotted on facebook, then appears to answer the door (after girl #1 I'm sure goes to validate w/ girl #2 how they know each other) and flirts w/ him on the couch and girl #1 sits back to watch?
I call foul.
If I knew my cousin was a heaux, and my boo said he knew her… I'm going to assume he smashed. I'm also going to ask the timeframe in which he 'knew' her to make sure we aren't overlapping. That would be an issue. Clearly her cousin isn't sitting at home at night worrying and wondering why they fell off… she has facebook (a means to talk to him) and she hasn't used it. She's heaux, she got hers and moved about. I would not be inviting her to come flirt w/ him to see 'if there's still something there' or any of that. And if flirting w/ him was of her own free will then we would've had some serrrrrious issues…
I've seen that before except it was more than just "chillin". I tell my friends, ALWAYS tell the truth right away. The person WILL find out in time…these things always seem to come out. If you have a chance for her to forgive you, the only chance comes if she hears it from you, FIRST. When you deliver bad news, there's always a slight level of respect (even amongst the anger) in the fact that you had the strength to come correct about the mess up. I had an ex do something terrible. The only reason I forgave him is because he came to me right after it happened…that is the only reason. To me, it's not about mistakes, it's how you deal with them that put you in man category vs dirty dog.
As far as past experiences, that's tricky. The "smash the homey" concern is valid but unfair because we never know who we're going to meet later in life. I had an ex's brother approach me and I couldn't because it's not a good look to be with brothers BUT I know in my heart that his brother would have made an excellent boyfriend. It's very hard. I wouldn't want to date someone who dated my friends etc but when feelings are already involved, it's even harder to walk away. I say take it case by case scenario. In this situation, he never actually slept with her and their "chillin" sounds brief so I would have stayed with him if I was her.
Co-Sign…
ALWAYS get ahead of the story…
#MovinOn
I think the best part of the advice was to keep it funky fresh with GF and let her know he gave 90%. After that, the ball is in her court but I think she over reacted for these reasons:
1. this happened before they were exclusively together (according to him)
2. He didn't smash (but even if he did…still happened before the exclusiveness
3. He didn't know that was her cousin at the time of the incident
If anything, I feel like she was salty because that's fam – and she has probably been in this situation before. But yea, I'd say all he can do is call her out on calling him out and try to keep it moving. It also sounds like this girl and her cousin need to create some boundaries.
Update on the situation: she wouldn't speak to me for a month but I made a valiant effort to remain in her life and eventually she gave in, we started talking, met up a few times and even went to dinner. Even thru all the shit she's been going thru I was still there for her. At this point we're trying to work things out slowly but surely…best believe tho hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. One advice I can give ya'll is don't give your heart to ppl that don't deserve it, Be careful, most ppl are only in your life for a season. They're like leaves on a tree. Learn frm em and move on, The mutha fuckas that seem like branches, be extra careful because they seem really sturdy but as soon as you go out to far on them they break, Just know that when you get some ppl that are roots hold on to them, trees only need a couple roots to live. Just recognize who is who. When ppl tell you who they are listen to them.
You can't lie to someone and say it was for their own good. You can't take away someones choice and expect that to be ok.
Just in Case yall aint know this is the KJ who sent the letter.
K, glad to hear from you. Eff these hoes though son
#Supportivefriends
Seriously, what's good with the cousin?
So y'all just gonna let Streetz get away with this ratchetness? Lol
Hey it ain't no fun if the the homie can't…well you know the rest!!
R.I.P. Nate Dogg
Good comment!
One advice I can give ya’ll is don’t give your heart to ppl that don’t deserve it, Be careful, most ppl are only in your life for a season. They’re like leaves on a tree. Learn frm em and move on, The mutha fuckas that seem like branches, be extra careful because they seem really sturdy but as soon as you go out to far on them they break, Just know that when you get some ppl that are roots hold on to them, trees only need a couple roots to live. Just recognize who is who. When ppl tell you who they are listen to them.
I like this!!!
Can I put this on a T-shirt? No, Too Long.??… Umm Okay.
Wayy too long for a T-Shirt. Acronyms would still be much lol
but I cosign that entire tree, leaves and branches reference. Gotta find a smaller & similar saying and FB, Tweet, tumblr it up lol
KJ
Man I could tell you don't even try to get back with her because you will never hear the end of this. U will be married with three kids, a dog and a house and the day you forget to put the toilet seat down or forget to pick up soy milk not 2%.
U going to hear that you always forget things just like the time you forget to tell her that you chilled with her cousin.
I understand she is going through somethings and you want to be there for her. You could still be her friend no need to be her BF or life partner.
Ya know, I was gonna say she sounded like she has post-traumatic relationship stress disorder. For her to go bonkers over that means she had something happen something shadier and similar happen before or that she has some legit insecurities that she needs to address. I don't think homie coulda did anything else except sit there with a blank look on his face, wait for her to calm down, then really find out what the issue was.
Streetz, Good Advice but I woulda told him differently.
From the moment he saw Cuzzo answer the door. His relationship was over…
Therefore:
1. He should've winked at cuzzo at the door to let her know what's up.
2. Wrote down Shawty's # and bbm on a paper, THEN delete it in front of his girl.
3. Call her (no text) to meet and validate her hometown reputation
4. Repeat step 3
5. Ride the relationship out until his Girl realize that they CHILLED in his crib alone but didn't have sex and called him out for witholding the truth.
I mean, if you are going down, might as well be at full speed….
I
At some point you just gotta sit back and say "down the hole is down the hole". Ya digg.
LOL at this post. That's messed up.
I think it was a plot by the GF all along. She wanted out the relationship so she scoped out what happened in the past long before he she saw girl #2 at the door. Do you really think she never mentioned him to any close family and probably had a few pics? C'mon… She wanted to use something unrelated to them as an excuse to bounce.
The prime example is the time in which the cousin was flirting with him. Any normal woman's reaction would be to not bring her man around that cousin. She'll feel disrespected by that cousin. Not just sit back and do nothing, especially since he was dodging her.
Also, she knew that girl #2 was her cousin but he didn't. The "you look familiar" statement was a lead into the situation. A signal to start mission sabotage. They both knew who he was prior to him reaching for the door.
Then why flip out about something that didn't happen 2 years prior back when they wasn't together? It was her out. The plan was to pin him on something. Play it in such a way that he buys into her act. really. though.
I call B.S. on the gf's part…
Umm, I initially want to come in here and say she was overreacting about the whole thing. In my opinion, he didn't really lie to her. He underplayed the situation, that's for sure, but I wouldn't call it a lie. If I were woman#1 in this scenario, I might be upset about it, but I would probably get over it quickly enough.
Then I remembered that an "ex-arsehole" of mine once told me that if he so much as thought that I had even talked to one of his boys, he wouldn't be able to handle it.* So, my question is, how would you (guys) react?
The rules for me and my friends are anyone is fair game as long as it wasn't serious. I had to keep myself away from an ex of my friends after they broke up because I knew if I talked to her on a regular I could potentially build interest.
Then there is another girl whom we are all cool with that like 2 of them tried to get at before I met her. Nothing serious popped off and I got her number one night while she was out with them. I probably had the most progress with her even though we are good friends today.
Basically if you don't know who people will meet at any point in their life. If ya'll weren't serious, and that is known, why the hell do you care if they cross paths 5 years from now? That is unnecessary blocking and wasted energy.
IMHO, sounds like he dodged two bullets in this scenario. Girl #1 has trust/anger mgt issues, and Girl #2 seems proud to be known as the neighborhood sperm recepticle. Dude's better off without either of these two in this case.
Good answer Streetz!
Go Eddie! Lmao
Omission is not a falsehood. This man did the right thing, some may say he only gave 90% I say he was 100! He answered her questions honestly and didn't dive any deeper than he needed to.
"Where's the love?" – *(insert Jay-Z voice)*
Obviously girl #1 has trust issues and she jumped too fast to a rash decision. Best advice I could give you is, if she is the one woman you see yourself with help her through her insecurities because every HUMAN has them. OVA & OWT
"Omission is not a falsehood"
Oh, but it is. It's called a lie of omission.
That was good advice….but anything that before pre-relationship doesn't matter.
Also, the man didn't know that girl #2 was girl #1's cousin.
Lessons learned in this matter…dude should have consulted the "hood historian" to check out girl #2's connections…and FACEBOOK is the debil…lol!
The real reason she was pissed was cuz her cousin tried calling her out during dinner with a bunch of ppl and was like so me and so and so chilled at his crib back in the day…she felt like her image was being tarnished because she doesn't know what's going on with her entourage. If ole' girl wasn't her cousin I would've told her everything that happened even though nothing happened I wouldn't have omitted anything. Just the fact that they're cousins made it awkward(sp.?) I just didn't wanna deal with the questions that followed if I answered "did you chill alone" and that's where I lied.
Her cousin is a bitter bitch what can I say misery loves company. She seen how happy we were together and all the things I done for her, she got jealous. She wanted something like what we had but you know "you can turn a hoe into a housewife, hoes don't act right"
Damn son… lololol
Aite eff em then!
@ K.J. –
Also…..who would want to date someone with relatives like that cousin….could have been just a preview of what the rest of your girl's family is like….just a thought or too…
I have a cousin like that. The rest of the women in my family are nothing like her though. Homegirl just needs to be checked, that's all. My cousin knows I am not above molly whoppin dat @ss so she wouldn't dare. Just check the girl. lol
Okay this sounds kind of hood but I'm still gonna click submit. Sharing is caring.
Why was Yo Gotti's "Whoop That Ho" playing in my head as I read this comment???
@tooshy I've met majority of her family and she's the only bad apple. Every tree got a few bad apples tho. She comes from a traditional african family that's very strict!!!
Yea them African women are a handful. No wonder her cuz tried to throw you under the bus… #NotSurprised
You are right, you have dated all of us and you can truly say we are all a handful.
Lol, sorry. Just don't like when folks stereotype.
@ K.J. –
I hope everything works out. Just don't befriend anymore fast females on Facebook!!
@nowsayitwithme
Ima work on making it short n simple lol
Also… this situation has obviously upgraded your Slomin's Shield when dating/screening women…
I have a very elaborate Hoe-DAR & other things I look for when looking to get serious with a chick…
Dr. J approved…
Enjoy yourself brother…
#IOnlyReadLola'sComment
For all you guys who get tight after reading my post just click on the link… & be wavy…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLKwpgHi2BE
In this situation, and I am saying this from EXPERIENCE… I would have kept it 100% #TeamHonesty, but I would have beat the brakes off of my gfs p*ssy in that (4 months of dating), so when we did had the fallout, our relationship would have a better WITHSTAND the f*ckery & happenstance… Because
Great Sex Forgives Most Sins With Women
My rules have been a little relaxed when it comes to dealing with women… I am honest at all times with women, except
When I Am Trying To Get Me Some Pus$y (for the first, second, & third time…)
Other than that I feel like I have an obligation to keep it a BUCK with everyone…
IRL, I might be more diplomatic about it, but still HONEST… I am only offended when someone calls me a Liar, or Creepy…
Your boy did what he thought was best for the situation… & He will be better, the second time around…
I Am Adonis
I bang with the honestly policy Adonis…
She wont have shit on you in the future! (When the cuz brings up that they chilled at his crib).
You would have already told her the whole situation so if she still has a problem after her cuz outs her in front of people, then you have ever right to pull out your "CRAZY CARD" and call a penalty on the play. from then on the ball is in your court and you have a number of different plays to choose from.
Yah I definitely learned a lot from this whole situation, she has a right to feel the way she feels cuz a lie is a lie nonetheless…honesty aint always the best policy but it does provide the most clarity. I think with time everything will work out she's starting to realize she was overreacting and I know she still wants me in her life. Lol she won't even give me back my stuff, and no she didn't throw em out….I seen my creed cologne by her bed. If we do get back together best believe there are gonna be some serious changes.