Home Featured Single Black Mail: Inner circle dating and the friends caught in the middle

Single Black Mail: Inner circle dating and the friends caught in the middle

59

The Email

Streetz,

As we get older our networks continue to expand and there’s always a conversation among the fellas about dating inside or outside the circle. Problem is because we are Black people we usually don’t have a choice but to either stay in the circle, or be completely oblivious to any circle. Here’s my situation;

My boy dated this girl for a few years, they were pretty serious about each other, but after some complications that were never remediated they called it quits. Ad then after that there was a back and forth, ending with my boy deciding that there was no real reason for him to keep in contact with her. No hard feelings, wishes her the best, but can’t see the motivation to maintain on the relationship.

Well, the problem is this girl is significantly ingrained in my network. Meaning, that we come into contact with each other on a regular basis. One of my pain points is that they live in separate cities, but I live in the city that she lives in. Hence why they never see each other, but I see her A LOT.

My only question is, since she cares about him a lot and he won’t reply to her attempts at communication. She asks me about him. Nothing serious, but I just feel awkward. It’s one thing for you to bump into the ex of an old mate and she asks, “How’s such and such?” She only asking that because that’s how she know you. But, when the person is genuinely a friend and a member of your circle. It’s awkward, especially because I care about both of them as friends. So I don’t feel close enough to share details, but I feel close enough that I’m not going to blatantly ignore her question. So what would you do? Should I just plead the Fif? Should I keep it high-level and say he’s fine? (Note: Tried that, she asked me a follow up question. Then I had to start speaking Yiddish again.) Is it cool for me to go out of my way never to run into her, and have to deal with this? (You know, run away from my problems.)

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

-FIF

The Response

Whats good FIF,

You’re issue is one that I’ve dealt with from both sides. I’ve been the friend-in-common, and the friend-of-the-inquired. This is one, if not THE biggest pitfall of dating within a circle of friends. All you have to do is watch your favorite sitcom (Friends, Seinfeld, GirlFriends, SATC), and you’ll see that even in the fictional universe of TV Land, there will always be complications with inner circle dating. I absolutely abhor it, and definitely advocate against it if it can be avoided, and if you can overcome issues like this.

To give background, I’ve dated within my circle before, and when you do this, you’re close friends will automatically gain interest in your relationship. People within the relationship will start discussing your issues, and everyone will have an opinion. No matter what, someone will break that golden code, and then it gets messy.

When me and my inner circle GF called it quits, it automatically set up a tumultuous situation for those left in the aftermath of our relationship ground zero. They almost didn’t know how to function if we were both in the same vicinity, and it just made for awkward situations.

I HATED when she would talk to our common friends about our problems. You never want to look like a sucka in front of your friends, and your friends don’t need to know ALL your business!

On the flipside, I’ve been unknowingly placed in the middle of relationship issues between two people I consider great friends. I knew their issues, because they both spoke to me in confidence. it was like I had the entire piece of the puzzle to their issues. Because of my moral compass, I invoke the Prime Directive where I do not interfere. I will offer them real talk advice, but I won’t put down the other, or try to influence either way. I care about them enough to be real and make sure their common best interest is upheld.

I say all of this to say, you shouldn’t plead the fif, because it’s disrespectful to her. You should keep it succinct, and if she asks follow-ups, tell her that you don’t really speak to him like that to know. Otherwise, be real and tell her you feel uncomfortable answering those questions and you don’t want to seem like an informant. She’ll have to respect that, and if not, then cut her off. No need to avoid her either, because if she’s in your circle, you’re DEFINITELY going to see her often.

So be real or be succinct, but don’t be a middleman to a dead relationship.

That’s my answer this week. What would you do? What would you tell our friend above? What did you think of my response? Please evaluate and retaliate #WaltClydefrazierRap.

If you have a question, email me Streetz@singleblackmale.org. SingleBlackMail on-site Form coming soon!


Comment(59)

  1. and you said it Streetz,

    just be like "look, yall BOTH placed me in a fucked up position. so Im demanding no one ask me nothing about SHIT"

  2. Knowing who gets whom in the divorce is always messy. Thankfully I have a very small circle so everyone has no choice but to date outside of it. My friends sometimes date really cool people but when it's over I don't really have reason to keep it touch.

    I'd just avoid talking about the guy, totally change the subject. Hopefully, eventually she'd get the hint that it makes you uncomfortable. *shrugs*

    Good advice Streetz, Good Luck and Good Night!

  3. I really dislike this situation… I've been in it, pause. What I've ended up doing was just get pissed off at both parties and tell both of them off! Needless to say neither one of them ever asked me anything about each other and our friendship has remained the same.

    Your response was on point though, good job Streetz

  4. I still can't figure out why people keep dating within the same social cirlces. Its a classic case of shitting directly on the dinner table. No good can come of this. I like most of the homies "real" chicks but make no mistake about it, my loyalty lies with the homie. I ain't dry snitchin or enabling your "Miss Lonely Hearts" lookin ass. If you wanna know how he's doing, you know his number. I suggest you get up on it.

    1. "Its a classic case of shitting directly on the dinner table."

      Hahaaaa. You Ain't Lying Though!!!

      I have 2 inner circle friends going through it right now, because ICM (inner circle male) decides to bring his new boo to a gathering while ICF (inner circle female) wasn't there in attendance but somehow it got back to ICF and she felt some kinda way although they ended their thing back in December '10 on account of some krazy mess she did. *smh*

    2. “Its a classic case of shitting directly on the dinner table.”

      Hahaaaa. You Ain’t Lying Though!!!

      I have 2 inner circle friends going through it right now, because ICM (inner circle male) decides to bring his new boo to a gathering while ICF (inner circle female) wasn’t there in attendance but somehow it got back to ICF and she felt some kinda way although they ended their thing back in December ’10 on account of some krazy mess she did. *smh*

    3. LOL so true. This is why I never flirt, etc. If I'm feeling someone in the circle, I don't show it. (I usually never show my interest in men anyway lol) I love my friends too much to bring drama into the group. This includes family of friends like brothers, uncles, etc. No sir. I don't date co-workers, neighbors, NADA. Life is simpler this way.

      Also, with snitching. I'm loyal so I don't rat but I'm also honest and won't lie. If the person asks me a question and I give a blank stare, they interpret that as info then I'm in trouble for "snitching" when I didn't say a word. I hate that sh*t.

      1. See you gotta perfect the "Man, I'ont eem know…". Or tell people not to let you know ANY dirt they do. #PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY#

  5. I once dated within my inner circle, breakup was messy and we stopped talking and social gatherings were really awkward. It took a hard toll on our friends till one of them sat both of us down and said we either act grown up and be civil, or we will both be thrown out of the "circle"

  6. I'm still dealing with the lingering effects of being the one dating in the inner circle.. Never again, I don't know how many of my friends I have put into this position.

    At this point in life, I'm grown (rude) enough to just flat out tell people to not put me in the middle of issues. It works really well.

  7. i don't see how people can date within the same circle. there is almost no choice for it to be messy and everyone to know your business, if it ends.

    i think you gave good advice. he should just tell her he's not comfortable discussing it. that's an awkward position to be in.

  8. I hate that the weather is warming up and I'm not able to participate here like I used to.

    Dating in the circle is bound for disaster. What is even worse, and I've seen this, is someone who habitually dates in the circle. When a woman in the circle dates your boy, then breaks up, then dates someone else in the circle, it really gets ugly. Now you are the common thread between three people that all have awkward feelings toward each other, and they all come to you for reconnoissance and espionage. Dating in the circle is the devil!

  9. Inner circle dating is messy. I wouldn't say you should avoid it at all cost because you never know what could come of the relationship, but I do think a person should really consider the consequences of what may happen down the road. As far as answering questions, or being in the middle, I'd just tell both of my friends that I'm not going to play informant with them. If they want to talk to me about the other person fine, I'll listen, but I'm not going to give information about either.

  10. Good post Streetz. I liked your advice.

    If this girl is a good friend to her she should just nip it in the bud and tell her the questions bother her and she feels uncomfortable. If the friend doesn't like the answer there won't be any reason to avoid her because she'll stop talking to her on her own.

  11. I had a friend's cousin try to hip me to someone that he was once involved in a few years back. Although he is married now, he kept pushing that I get at this girl whom he said he couldn't do anything for. Of course, my initial conversation with this girl was about HIM and what he did that pissed her off.

    I stick vehemently by my rule that I do not date chicks my friends/associates used to date. People tell me I'm limiting myself but f*ck that…I don't want someone in my circle's residue. I don't want to hear about my boys and what they did, especially from someone I'm dealing with. D.C. is a small ass city, so more than likely there will be a bit of an overlap somewhere, however if I am aware I will not engage in taking my boy's leftovers.

    1. My sister has a habit of trying to push dudes that she's talked to on me. Of course this is all an attempt to make me feel better when she targets my leftovers.

      1. LMAO…

        I have defintely done this swindle before.. Kinda like a bartering system. So that all parties are satisfied

  12. Let's get something clear, inner circle and circle are different. Like I don't believe in dating outside the circle, only because people have a tendency to have an air of honesty about themselves when they know that 1) if they disappear, you'll likely be able to find them, 2) there's a moral circle, that kind of keeps you honest, and 3) you have people that you trust who can vouch for their character.

    I think that when people date outside their circle they run into some problems that they really could have avoided. Also, i'm a fan of dating people you are already friends with, because you know each other as people instead of just meeting them with the purpose of dating them. That's how a lot of people get messed up in the game. You don't even know how this person treates their friends or the regular people in their life. People run game or can put up a front, but please believe it's going to come out sooner or later.

    1. "i’m a fan of dating people you are already friends with, because you know each other as people instead of just meeting them with the purpose of dating them."

      Yeah this sounds good in theory BUT the downside to this is what happens if it doesn't work out — you or she realizes that you two don't mesh well on the physical/chexual level –That can make things very awkward between the two of you.

      1. "Yeah this sounds good in theory BUT the downside to this is what happens if it doesn't work out — you or she realizes that you two don't mesh well on the physical/chexual level –That can make things very awkward between the two of you."

        This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't want to date a really good friend.

      2. You have to Most's post on his site today. Your chances of sticking it out with a friend when the physical isn't there is greater when you are friends before. And physical shouldn't be a major priority in your relationship if you are trying to build something substantial. If you are really friends, you'll build the relationship right and you'll make sure that you don't get too involved before you know that you can connect on that level. It's not like you are at a bar one night and say, "Hey we been friends for a long time, let's give it a go tonight." That's dumb.

        1. I'll take a look.

          “Hey we been friends for a long time, let’s give it a go tonight.”

          Eh, Sometimes that how ish gets started though… because we've been drinking. *shrug*

          I still say there are some downsides to it but I understand what your saying.

        2. I was just at Most's site.

          I should've pointed out that it isn't about not being able to mesh on a physical level it would be not being able to mesh at all then depending on how it ends, being friends after.

    2. I dont think theres a problem dating friends. The inner circle should be an escape. Somewhere where you can be yourself, no need to filter, and be with real friends. When you introduce a S/O into that circle, it just gets uncomfortable.

      Thats why I avoid it!

      1. "the inner circle should be an escape"

        Exactly! Id rather avoid drama within the circle. I even avoid becomibg buddies with potential boos till its very serious. Inner circle should provide a level of freedom.

        Like George Costanza said its "killing independent George!"

        1. But what happens when your S/O wants to meet those within your inner cirlcle.. do you deny them that opportunity? Or if you're vacationing with your "inner circle" friends should your S/O not come because the fear of having them integrate with your friends is there.. I think this is chance that you have to take and sometimes it works out for the best and other times it doesn't. When dating this is the risk that we have to take. Its NOT always cut and dry.

        2. @Riley

          Theres a difference between dating in your inner circle and integrating your partner in the inner circle. of course you should bring your partner around your inner circle. that odoesnt mean id want my S/O to be buddy-Buddy with ym closest friends. Cordial yes, but when they are on teh same level of friendship as me? Problem! in doses yes, eternally? NO!

    3. "i’m a fan of dating people you are already friends with, because you know each other as people instead of just meeting them with the purpose of dating them. That’s how a lot of people get messed up in the game. You don’t even know how this person treates their friends or the regular people in their life."

      And that's how I've done it all but one time in my life. And now I'm marrying one of my friends…

  13. I've been on both sides. When I was doing the inner circle dating and we broke up, it was hard – the circle is big and we have tons of events (birthdays, barbecues, etc.). I would see him and "our" friends more than I cared to – but it was either that or become a hermit. I never talked/questioned people within that circle because I have too much pride. It was hard, at times, especially when he got a new girlfriend and I was "forced" to socialize with them. But I was always a lady and was always friendly to the girlfriend (even when I wanted to choke her out). I don't regret doing it because there are some things in life you just have to do. *shrugs*

    The other situation was a disaster. One of my best female friends and my best male friend decided to date. Knowing both their personalities I knew it was a train wreck waiting to happen and I pleaded with him (the more rational of the two) *not* to begin the relationship. When he didn't listen to me, I put out a disclaimer; I told both of them that I didn't want to be involved AT ALL, good or bad. It ended horribly and she kept trying to get me to play mediator. I refused and she was angry with me for a long time. They had even "shared" one of her credit cards and, at one point, she tried to get me to be her collection agency. Oh, hell to the no!

  14. I've definitely been in this situation more times than I'd like to admit as the friend who hears everything and as the person that was in the relationship. What I find most interesting (not to be confused with Most) is that I/we will be normal in our own right, but it's everybody else around us doing all the positioning and over-thinking about how to interact with each of us or if we can coexist in the same place…like I'ma walk in and start throwing chairs. That ain't how it's going down B.

    I avoid answering questions about friends when asked by ex's who I'm also cool with. I try to flip it back to them and ask about what's going on in their life. It usually works, otherwise they make it incredibly obvious that they are not yet over the person.

    Kinda unrelated but I think the worst people in these situations are the friends that know both of you and feel the need to update you on what's going on in the ex's life as if you're supposed to care even though sometimes you actually do. Much checking needs to be done nowadays.

    1. "Kinda unrelated but I think the worst people in these situations are the friends that know both of you and feel the need to update you on what’s going on in the ex’s life as if you’re supposed to care even though sometimes you actually do"

      SON!!!! If you only knew! I think a lot of people do that to see your reaction, or to illicit a certain reaction from you, and its annoying as hell!

  15. Yeah I am not channel 9 if you want to know what's up with so and so… ask them yourself. I try not to date in the circle. Especially if you liked one in the circle and your girl who gets high and drunk and slobs down the one you like in the cirlce it is rather awkward. Especially if that is her M.O.! And then when it doesn't work out he is out the circle because everyone is co-signing her crazy ass. But then they know she is crazy and is only at half function capacity because she is only good for drinking, eating getting high and passing out at the damn party and wakes up to put her tongue down somebody's throat. Oh sorry … O___o back to topic at hand….

  16. Being a habitual same-circle dater (I have a tendency to fall for my guy friends) I think it's my due diligence to make sure things aren't awkward in the circle so I always try to end on a good note. Plus- if a guy isn't answering my calls I know he's not interested- no need for a translator there.

    Anyhoo- having to navigate broken relationships in a circle requires one to learn the fine art of topic change. She starts talking about your boy? Ask about her homegirl. She wants to know how Hakeem's job is going? Ask her about hers. Eventually she'll get the picture and you won't be the rude a$$

  17. I have a tendency to date within my circle but I've never really had this problem. I believe in good clean breaks and I believe in having some type of behaviour. So a)there's never any need for an ex of mine to go to the streets to ask about me and b)there's no awkwardness when we're all out among our friends.

    I will say though that I think homegirl in the story is not cool at all for putting Fif in an uncomfortable situation. I think he should just rough her up two times and she will desist. That's what I would do. But that's why I'm an as$hole, I guess.

  18. yes i've also dated within a circle and it got really messy. college graduation was the best thing that could have happened. i was able to get away from all that. if i can avoid it i will never do it again. i'm already a private person and i don't like people knowing my business. i agree with your advice to her. i would tell the friend that i don't feel comfortable discussing his business because she feels like an informant. she can like it or leave it alone.

  19. Good one! I'm always in this sticky situation because I'm the one who hooks up friends with friends who split then go to me when drama follows. I hate that sh*t but no one does it to me more than my brother. He's a player, I love him but no other word to describe his behavior. The ladies love him and he makes them ALL feel like they're his girl in some way by bringing them around, introducing them to the fam, etc. The problem is they latch on to me like glue trying to be my friend, facebook requests, etc. I can't be mean so I accept and do the friendly bit. Then they call my phone at 11pm at night asking "Where is your brother" "Why won't he answer?" "Who is such and such?" etc. I feel AWFUL. Because he's my brother, I can't get into these convos but I feel bad for the women. Then when he drops them, I'm supposed to delete them as facebook friends, etc. You see? This is all types of wrong. So I made a rule that I would let the women know up front that I cannot get involved in his life so I cannot answer any questions or I'll play word trickery like "I'll tell him to call you" "I don't know" or I'll just listen while they cry and say nothing. I'm really trying hard to not be friendly with them in the first place.

    It's stressful but make a rule and stick with it.

    1. I have this problem a lot with my boys. They still haven't learned how to treat jump offs like jump offs and insist on bringing them around their friends and family and introducing them to me. Then when things go left the girls want to cry on my shoulder and ask me where they are and what they're up to. Or that's what used to happen when I was nice and friendly with them. Now I'm standoffish with them so that there's no question where my loyalties lie. This of course makes them think I'm a b!tch, which is unfortunate but I'd rather that than to have to deal with uncomfortable questions.

      1. Exactly! I try to be standoffish and then I hear that I'm being cold. My problem is that when I'm not smiling, I look like a b*tch…but when I smile and be friendly, people get too comfortable too quickly. It's such a bad situation to put people in. Even my mom told him to stop bringing them around because it's awkward for the family. Jump offs need to be treated like jump offs. I don't know why he won't learn. It's less drama for him too. I'm just going to stick to being reserved and quiet. My nerves can't take it.

        1. Ummm….excuse me. Did you just say your boys actually bring their jumpoffs around people? Completely abhorrent!! Those broads aren’t supposed to see the light of day. The only place a jumpoff should be taken is the destination of the smash. PERIOD. After which, you immediately garb and exit the premises or put her ass out (depending on location). There is to be minimal convo and absolutely no extracurricular loitering. I need somebody to put together a tutorial for our Canadian brethren. There’s all kinds of f*ckery occurring north of the border!

    2. Sounds like my fiance lol.

      She hooked up one of my friends and one of hers. It worked out initially but didn't last. Now she thinks they will be all awkward at our wedding. I don't. I assume everyone will be adults and they better damn be lol. Seriously, he isn't worried about her and has no ill will towards her. I don't know or really care how her friend is with it…okay maybe a little since she is good people.

  20. Second week in a row I feel as though I have nothing to add, because you've given her some good advice.

    I don't have one big circle of friends. I have some smaller groups, and I don't participate in up to 50% of any single one's activities. Rather, I maintain one-on-one relationships with some of the people. That said, I hooked up one of my closest guy friends with a friend that I'd gotten closer to, and the great thing is that I was only middle (wo)man for as long as it took them to get their relationship going. After that, neither party told me anything out of respect for the other since i was close to both. I wasn't accustomed to dude holding back from me, but it was for the best and I'm not all that curious. She included him in one of the groups mentioned earlier, but he's like me when it comes to that stuff. They've since gone their separate ways, and we've barely addressed the fact. Life went on, and that's the way I like it.

      1. lol, You silly.

        It's happy for me, since I don't have to deal with any headaches. He's handled it surprisingly well (he's the kind to invest serious emotions and ish), and pretty much acts as though it never happened. I dunno how she's dealing with it, though, it being her first real relationship and all, but asking would defeat the whole point of my blissful ignorance.

        Their relationship didn't leave mine with the girl quite intact, though. I'm his best (wo)man to-be, so he was still on the phone with me before and after convos with her (initially, at least), and we went on as normal. On her end, though, it was easier to confide in someone else who wasn't her bf's bestie, and I also got pissed one time when he told me that she was feeling protective of him over some teasing that I subject him to. I suppose I should've found it cute, but it ticked me off – it's like telling me to change my relationship with my brother..and mind you, two definitely play at the game in question. These are only minor things and we're still cool, but I think we've only spoken once or twice since I graduated. Meh.

        Btw, I guess I have yet to express my initial reaction: I really like the new lay-out & changes with the site. Good stuff.

  21. I'm always the friend caught in the middle. I can never figure out how much of the advice I'm giving is because I already know how the other party feels about the situation in question. Then I start feeling like I'm being disloyal. It sucks and it's annoying.

  22. I can't help but find myself in these situations for as long as I can remember. Having a brother one and a half years older makes it virtually impossible to avoid. When I was younger (like H.S.) I would hook people up. I guess I felt I was doing something good. In high school I hooked up one of my BGF (still to this day) with a dude my bro went to HS with. Needless to say it didn't work. The half of fag would get into fist fights with her and then buy them both matching Jordan sweatsuits and sneakers. It was nuts in retrospect. My immature younger self was more concerned about how cute they looked together than if they were compatible. I've let the guilt go and am glad my friend has a sense of humor about the whole thing. Fast forward….many many (like ten) years later to my final 'hook up' attempt…

    I hooked up a former cut buddy with my HG from college. No prob right? Nope, not from me but evidently the more she fell for him the weirder she got. I hooked her up with dude and disclosed fully how "friendly" we were in the past; at the time she was clocking my myspace page and caught sight of his 'space'. I should have known from how "open" she was from his picture, the woman would let her brain mush up once she fell in love with dude. The HG "game plan" was to meet a nice good looking guy to hang out with and occasionally boink from time to time. This dummy falls in love him. OK cool no prob but why did she begin obsessing and questioning me about why I didn't "want" him and how I was crazy because I had no feelings for the dude beyond friendship. She didn't understand how I hooked him up with two of my friends from my circle (yep she was 2nd and they knew each other too). My HB was a cool interesting guy and I had no beef with him because I didn't love him ever and he was just aight to me (regarding bulling). I actually encouraged this relationship or whatever it was because I thought they were compatible and were into the performing arts. I was right about the compatibility but when he did something foul to her and was ready to cut that ass off, I played myself and chose sides by reminding her of her original "game plan". Well that bitch manipulated his beef with her and transfered the energy back to me by telling my now former HB I told her to "use" him etc. Which was some bullshit.

    He don't speak to me at all and she still tries to update me on their status. I straight up told her I don't give a fuck and if she wants to be cool with me she would keep her relationship happenings to herself or go tell one of her corny ass friends. Subconsciously, I think it was what she wanted in the end though. She didn't get that when I'm done I'm done. If there was even a slight chance I wanted to still get with him, she wouldn't have met him at all. I don't eat where I shit. Nor did she like that I knew about all his escapades with all these women. I never disclosed that to her though, that would be slimy although we'd be even o_O…. I lost a friend and I learned my lesson. I wouldn't ever cock block a friend wanting to hook up with another friend but I'm not being a participant during any part of their relationship unless I'm in the wedding party. I'm not even getting you the number etc. Grown people catch their own food.

    Great advice Streetz….sorry about the long comment that's a bit off topic. I guess this post touched my soul. Peace

  23. Dating within your inner circle of friends is just as bad as dating someone you work with….. in my opinion.

    I get- that opportunities keep presenting themselves in both situations but the truth of the matter is, life can get SUPER complicated if and when the 'relationship', 'one-night-stand', 'booty-call' ends. And you STILL have to see that person on the regular…..no sir, no way, no thanks.

    As far as the chica in Streetz story goes…..I suggest honesty……… at first. Tell her you're uncomfortable discussing your friend and his business.

    If that doesn't work….change/re-direct the conversation to another topic EVERY time she asks a question about ol' boy.

    Heart Sick Chica: "Have you seen Michael?"

    You: "Damn, I forgot to pick my shirts up from the Dry Cleaners."

    Heart Sick Chica: "I heard Michael's dating Maria from the HR Dept. Do you know if that's true?"

    You: "You know, Veronica's annual splash party is this Saturday, are you going ?"

    and so on, and so on, and so on.

  24. I don't date women I'm too close to. I also can't date any woman that used to be "too close" to any of my close friends. Just sounds like a set-up for drama.

  25. It always gets tricky and quite annoying in my case. I never date within the inner circle but the circle always creates itself right after im gone. An ex is now playing buddy-buddy with my homeboy and sharing everything with him. I am not jealous whatsoever but it can get awkward at times. I don't want to hear anything about her but my boy talks alot. Is she trying to get to me?

    1. It's very likely. She may legitimately like and want to befriend him, but most of the times I hear of/see this situation play out, it's because the person wants to maintain some kind of link to his/her (usually "her" – guys who get friendly with the ex's friend(s) usually just want to smash) ex. Whatever the case, she knows he will divulge at least some of the information that she is sharing with him.

      1. Then in that case, i don't wanna give her the impression that she's succeeding, but she indeed is getting somewhere. I am trying by all means to ignore it. but it ain't that easy esp since it's the girl i thought was the "one"

      2. I feel you. I think you have to have a discussion with one or both of them. I'd pull your homeboy aside and tell him that it's cool the two of them are buddies and all, but you don't really want or need to hear about what she's up to. He should be able to understand without much explanation. My only concern is that he seems to have a case of loose lips. You know what, though? That's alright. At the worst, she'll think she's been partially successful. I say partially because it's not for certain that her actions have any ill intent. For all I know, she's doing it because it's hard to let you go completely, and this is the only way she can maintain some kind of connection.

  26. Now that you putting it like that makes more sense, i am in a stable relationship now and avoiding as much drama as possible. But the worst part is that many people still know me as "her ex" since i gotta admit that we had it going. But nevertheless, i'll just turn a blind-eye to it, I'm sure it's gonna get to her more. And thanx alot.

    1. It's my pleasure. Remember that she may not be doing it out of spite, so it's probably best to not think of it in terms of trying to get to her. In any case, all the best with your present relationship!

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This