Dr. J wrote a post on here a while back called Why Are All the Pretty Girls Married? I agreed with most of his points but I also wanted to write a post discussing contrary ideas. This is also related to a write-up on my website, Why He Married the Regular Girl.
Both remind me of an interesting Tweet I read one day:
@BlakJakJohnson @CorporateBarbie Being sexy isn’t more valuable. Sexy = What you want to f**k. Pretty/Beautiful = What you want to wife.
Gentlemen, I’d be interested to see if you agree or disagree with this statement. I don’t want to get caught up in defining which women are sexy vs. who is pretty/beautiful because I believe that’s subjective and will take away from the discussion. That’s why I chose a silhouette in the picture above instead of identifying specific women. You can mentally assign women into each of these related, yet distinctly different categories if it helps.
Here are my thoughts.
Sexy: As noted in the Tweet above, often men see a sexy woman and their first thought is they want to have sex with her. This might be their first and only thought, almost an obsession. His entire interest in her is based on how quickly he can f**k. If his thinking never evolves, if/when he finally does, then his so called interest in her will dissipate quickly.
In other words, his entire motivation for pursuing this woman was predicated on her looks and nothing more. Having satisfied his urge to possess her, he has no more substantial use for her in his life.He might keep her around and continue to deal with her because she is sexy and the benefits gained both internally and externally by having a sexy woman on his arm or in his bed. Still, this “relationship” is sustained by his superficialness. She was initially something to conquer and now she is something to show off. Nothing more and nothing less. After this phase wears off, she will be discarded.
For her, sexiness is both an asset and a weakness in attracting men. Filtering through those men who only want sex from her is an exercise in itself, assuming she is even aware that is all they want.
Pretty/Beautiful: The saying goes, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” There is no mention of sexiness. A man’s attraction to a woman’s beauty can be sexy but it is not the defining characteristic of his attraction. Therefore, the primary difference between the pretty/beautiful woman and the sexy woman is men’s motivation for their pursuit of her from the very beginning.
When a man encounters a woman he finds pretty/beautiful instead of his mind turning to how quickly he wants to f**k her, his thoughts are of being with her. e.g. “I would marry the sh*t out of her” vs. “I would f**k the sh*t out of her.” These are extreme examples. Well, not the latter quote, because men really do think like that. Nevertheless, I believe men view the pretty/beautiful woman in terms of a girlfriend, wife, companion and mother of his unborn kids, rather than merely an object.
Ironically, there is very little women can do to dictate how men see them. First impressions are practically instantaneous. Further, great looks are God given or surgically enhanced. Women can do some things if they want to be seen as a potential wife vs. a potential conquest. Since men are visual creatures, this is usually influenced by your outfits, the way you walk, talk and carry yourself. Purposefully or accidentally, each will influence what men expect and think of you.
“You are not a whore, but you are wearing a whore’s uniform.” – Dave Chappelle
You are free to pretend men don’t superficially judge women and women don’t superficially judge men and neither actions really matters in your life, but you would be in denial. This may be unfair but life isn’t fair.
Fellas, are these two categories distinct, overlapping or nonexistent? Are there more? Can a woman be beautiful without being sexy and vise versa? Ladies, how do you decipher between men looking for relations vs. relationships? Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule? I sure hope not.
“Fukc Steve Harvey.” ~ OFWGKTA
P.S. Remember to vote for us in the Black Weblog Awards! Suggested categories to vote for us in are Best Design, Best Group Blog, Best Sex and Relationship Blog, Best Lifestyle Blog, Best Blog Post Series (Please use THIS URL), and Blog of the Year.
In unrelated news, I’ll be in the Florida area in July. I’m trying to gauge interest in a Saturday July 2nd meet and greet in Miami. If you live in the area or will be in the area and want me to put something together, #PleaseRespond below or email me: wisdomismisery @ gmail dot com.
Don’t make this harder than it needs to be folks. Men, couples, and ugly or fine single women are welcome. Depending on the response, I’ll provide more details later.