Who Men Pursue: Sexy vs Beautiful

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Dr. J wrote a post on here a while back called Why Are All the Pretty Girls Married? I agreed with most of his points but I also wanted to write a post discussing contrary ideas. This is also related to a write-up on my website, Why He Married the Regular Girl.

Both remind me of an interesting Tweet I read one day:

@BlakJakJohnson @CorporateBarbie Being sexy isn’t more valuable. Sexy = What you want to f**k. Pretty/Beautiful = What you want to wife.

Gentlemen, I’d be interested to see if you agree or disagree with this statement. I don’t want to get caught up in defining which women are sexy vs. who is pretty/beautiful because I believe that’s subjective and will take away from the discussion. That’s why I chose a silhouette in the picture above instead of identifying specific women. You can mentally assign women into each of these related, yet distinctly different categories if it helps.

Here are my thoughts.

Sexy: As noted in the Tweet above, often men see a sexy woman and their first thought is they want to have sex with her. This might be their first and only thought, almost an obsession. His entire interest in her is based on how quickly he can f**k. If his thinking never evolves, if/when he finally does, then his so called interest in her will dissipate quickly.

In other words, his entire motivation for pursuing this woman was predicated on her looks and nothing more. Having satisfied his urge to possess her, he has no more substantial use for her in his life.He might keep her around and continue to deal with her because she is sexy and the benefits gained both internally and externally by having a sexy woman on his arm or in his bed. Still, this “relationship” is sustained by his superficialness. She was initially something to conquer and now she is something to show off. Nothing more and nothing less. After this phase wears off, she will be discarded.

For her, sexiness is both an asset and a weakness in attracting men. Filtering through those men who only want sex from her is an exercise in itself, assuming she is even aware that is all they want.

Pretty/Beautiful: The saying goes, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” There is no mention of sexiness. A man’s attraction to a woman’s beauty can be sexy but it is not the defining characteristic of his attraction. Therefore, the primary difference between the pretty/beautiful woman and the sexy woman is men’s motivation for their pursuit of her from the very beginning.

When a man encounters a woman he finds pretty/beautiful instead of his mind turning to how quickly he wants to f**k her, his thoughts are of being with her. e.g. “I would marry the sh*t out of her” vs. “I would f**k the sh*t out of her.” These are extreme examples. Well, not the latter quote, because men really do think like that. Nevertheless, I believe men view the pretty/beautiful woman in terms of a girlfriend, wife, companion and mother of his unborn kids, rather than merely an object.

Ironically, there is very little women can do to dictate how men see them. First impressions are practically instantaneous. Further, great looks are God given or surgically enhanced. Women can do some things if they want to be seen as a potential wife vs. a potential conquest. Since men are visual creatures, this is usually influenced by your outfits, the way you walk, talk and carry yourself. Purposefully or accidentally, each will influence what men expect and think of you.

“You are not a whore, but you are wearing a whore’s uniform.” – Dave Chappelle

You are free to pretend men don’t superficially judge women and women don’t superficially judge men and neither actions really matters in your life, but you would be in denial. This may be unfair but life isn’t fair.

Fellas, are these two categories distinct, overlapping or nonexistent? Are there more? Can a woman be beautiful without being sexy and vise versa? Ladies, how do you decipher between men looking for relations vs. relationships? Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule? I sure hope not.

Fukc Steve Harvey.” ~ OFWGKTA


P.S. Remember to vote for us in the Black Weblog Awards! Suggested categories to vote for us in are Best Design, Best Group Blog, Best Sex and Relationship Blog, Best Lifestyle Blog, Best Blog Post Series (Please use THIS URL), and Blog of the Year.

In unrelated news, I’ll be in the Florida area in July. I’m trying to gauge interest in a Saturday July 2nd meet and greet in Miami. If you live in the area or will be in the area and want me to put something together, #PleaseRespond below or email me: wisdomismisery @ gmail dot com.

Don’t make this harder than it needs to be folks. Men, couples, and ugly or fine single women are welcome. Depending on the response, I’ll provide more details later.


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  • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

    This is interesting. I guess I have a different view. Obviously, I think of Pretty/Beautiful/Fine as Hell as purely a physical manifestation. Whereas I view "Sexy" as more of a personality trait. How she carries herself, her presence, her confidence and lack of insecurities (they're not one and the same), and so on. Personally, I'll be attracted to both, but I'll likely have more sexual thoughts about the "pretty" one first.

    I do think the categories can overlap but they can be very distinct as well. I've known many girls who at first glance were gorgeous and after having a conversation I'd be hard-pressed to ever be hard [while] pressed against her. #NoCountryForVapidPrincesses

    …and I won't e'em get started with Mr. Kool-Aid-Suit-Strawberry-Letter. We'll save that for another post.

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      I'm not sure we disagree. Thing is, I can't see personality so in defining the two categories I was talking about first impressions or what meets the eye. I was careful to define sexy by saying, "His entire interest in her is based on how quickly he can f**k. If his thinking never evolves, if/when he finally does, then his so called interest in her will dissipate quickly." I think folks are skipping over the "if his thinking never evolves" part.

      I could be wrong.

      • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

        I think you're right. I was just considering the first impression to be more of the first encounter meaning conversation and all. Whereas, it sounds like you mean the absolute first impression (pre-convo). I retract my disagree.

        • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

          *nods* It's all good.

          *side-eyes the women*

          Don't you wish your conversations could be this succinct and emotion free?

          *dives head first into bunker*

        • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

          Impossible. Estrogen, like alcohol destroys brain cells. *digs own bunker*

        • sanen85

          FTR, I disliked both of your comments. #suckas

        • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

          Sounds like you had some HaterTots and Haterade for lunch, Sane. It's all good. LOL

        • sanen85

          You can't just slap the word hater on any comment made by a woman that disagrees with your own comment. #itdontworklikethat

          :P

    • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

      The hater was due to the dislike. You being a woman was strictly icing on the cake. ;-)

    • Lola

      Hey, you seem like a knowledgeable guy in the dating field?! Would you mind giving me your opinion? Basically, I got in contact with a guy from my past, that I had a fling (not sexual) with. He has a really high pressured job, not that I'm deluding myself, but he took a week to reply. Then when he did he called me gorgeous and was really complimentary about the time in our lives that we were seeing each other, and said it was really great to hear from me. I proceeded to message back, and half subtly, made my interest in him clear. However, he has read my message and is taking ages to message back, Is it time for me to move on? Advice very much appreciated.

  • Kema

    "For her, sexiness is both an asset and a weakness in attracting men. Filtering through those men who only want sex from her is an exercise in itself, assuming she is even aware that is all they want."

    I am cursed with being sexy… Woe is me

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      Kema, I am wondering why you have three thumbs down… and the day hasn't even started yet…

      Did I miss something in your comment…

      I would love to know the inspiration behind the haters that do that…

      • Kema

        Who knows! lol!

        Maybe I should have expounded but that statement was not a pat on the back. Plenty of men approach me but it seems like I tend to fall into the 'sexy' category by this post's definition. If anything I would love to figure out how to change this and be seen as pretty / beautiful. I do not think it has anything to do with looks as my sister looks just like me and she falls into the pretty / beautiful category.

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          Yo… This sh*t is getting on my nerves… I say some inflammatory sh*t & I don't get that many dislikes… (six dislikes so far…)

          Yea, you must have a hater committee… I need one of those too…

        • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

          <blockquote cite="comment-296770">

          Adonis: Yo… This sh*t is getting on my nerves… I say some inflammatory sh*t & I don’t get that many dislikes… (six dislikes so far…)

          It's not that serious.

        • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

          You are right…

          I was more stumped about the merit of the dislikes, than the fact she was getting "dislikes"…

          I can understand if I was getting dislikes like and THEN she was getting "dislikes"…

          Just weird to me…

          And then I am trying to figure out the genders of these "dislikes"

        • Corey

          It appears you got your wish sir.

    • TellyLongLegs

      Smh @ the number of dislikes for Kema's comment. Y'all are not right.

      • QueenBinthestreets..

        I have to agree this dislike button is annoying…..people are quick to be rude when they know other people aren't gonna know its them

        If you wanna be that rude stop doing it on the sly just hit reply and type "dislike"

        Cowards…

        • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

          *dislike*

          i like the dislike button.

        • QueenBinthestreets..

          @ Flyy

          I can respect that!

          Apparently you can't quote text on BB??

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      <blockquote cite="comment-296450">

      Kema: I am cursed with being sexy… Woe is me

      I wasnt even sure you weren't being sarcastic. Although I dont know the motivations behind the 'dislikes,' it is interesting/sad they were given for simply voicing confidence, whether you were sincere or not.

      O well.

    • sanen85

      Of all the self-congratulatory lies ish that gets said on here, THIS comment gets all these thumbs down?!? Consider me discombobulated.

  • http://www.ibeparanoid.com Lola

    It's interesting that you wrote about this because it made me remember what a guy told me one time when we were dating/effing… one time we were just talking and i asked him one time why he never called me beautiful or gorgeous and his reply was because I was extremely sexy to him, he did admit that I am beautiful/gorgeous but he saw me more as an extremely sexy woman because of how I portrayed myself and how I carried myself, he said I exuded confidence like no other… rest a sure we are not together now and that only lasted only some time… now the guy I am with now hes always referred to me as beautiful, gorgeous, and sexy, since when we first started dating… I never really understood that until now… thanx! I learned something new today!

    WIM this post answered past questions as to why if a man would call me sexy/fine things would never work out versus beautiful/pretty and having me mean the most to that man :)

    Amazing post! :)

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Yeah, I guess the goal is to be both and not just one. I think it's the women who are ONLY s.exy that have the problem or ONLY pretty. If all I have to offer is s.ex or face, I'm going back to the drawing board. I'm okay with men thinking s.exual thoughts when they look at me. I'd be offended if they didn't. However I want a man to see that AND more. It's the more part that would make a man think of you as his woman.

      Or so I'd like to think. You just never know with them anymore. lol

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        2 dislikes, really? LOL okay…..

        *patois rant*

        Is who di bumbo waan dislike weh mi seh? Mi neva seh nuttin wrang. Dem need fi go suck out dem mumma natty drah. Is who waan fi ramp wid bumboclaat mi? Eeeeh? Unno no hav nuttin fi do? Unno waan test mi? Show unno face den nuh? Puss'hole duppy cowaad waan fi walk like dem true. Unno no man. Unno puss'hole bumboclaat fassy who waan juk inna dem batty.

        CHO!

        • Kema

          Irie! lol! Dont take it to heart…

        • GirlSixx

          Tell em girlll…….

          Why am I hearing Lady Saw's voice in my head while reading this tho. *lol*

        • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

          if i ever write a book about a jamaican anything, i will be consulting you for authenticity sake. lol

        • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

          Sistren yuh na fi cause war pon di BLOODCLOT comment section! Cool out yout!! EASY!

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Apart from Streetz making me choke on my food from laughter, I have to say my comment is very uns.exy. lol Excuse me.

  • Thereluctantsocialit

    I really think the "90 day" rule needs to be thrown out and replaced with the "have sex when you feel comfortable and secure enough to have it" rule.

    The concept makes sense (take time to get to know someone before you sleep with them) but I think the actual time frame depends on the the situation.

    • http://www.twitter.com/realtalksuki2 NowSayItWithMe

      Probational period? Lol

      • Therelucantsocialte

        lol… yeah that sounds better :)

    • http://Twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      Lol the longest it's ever taken me to have sex with a woman was 3 weeks. And these ended up in substantial relationship in most cases.

      • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

        <blockquote cite="comment-296832">

        Animate: Lol the longest it’s ever taken me to have sex with a woman was 3 weeks. And these ended up in substantial relationship in most cases.

        I don't have a timeframe. But, much like baseball, if we get over 3 dates I start thinking "what the hell is going on here?" and might mess around and deuce out or par down my efforts. I call this the "waiting period."

        And WIM can be patient-den-a-mug when he wanna be.

        • Corey

          And WIM can be patient-den-a-mug when he wanna be.

          Exactly my point down thread that seems to be sooooo unbelievable.

        • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

          It's not that your point is unbelievable… it's that in this situation WIM and the lady in question have been on 3 dates and I'm assuming no talk of s.ex. That's cool.

          What I don't believe is that you can bring up s.ex, a woman essentially say she's ready to get it in asaptually and you continue to wait… for what?!

        • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

          <blockquote cite="comment-297008">

          Flyy: It’s not that your point is unbelievable… it’s that in this situation WIM and the lady in question have been on 3 dates and I’m assuming no talk of s.ex. That’s cool. What I don’t believe is that you can bring up s.ex, a woman essentially say she’s ready to get it in asaptually and you continue to wait… for what?!

          After 3 dates and no "progress" I start to worry I'm pushed towards the dark dismal chasm known as …. *dramatic pause* ….

          THE. FRIEND. ZONE.

          I'm not trying to get caught in that purgatory.

        • Corey

          @Flyy

          See below

          @WIM

          So have you ever tossed a slick comment or question out to gauge where a woman's head was at in relation to you getting it in?

        • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

          <blockquote cite="comment-297027">

          Corey: @FlyySee below@WIMSo have you ever tossed a slick comment or question out to gauge where a woman’s head was at in relation to you getting it in?

          Yes.

        • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

          <blockquote cite="comment-297074">

          WisdomIsMisery: Yes.

          And if she gave you a favorable outlook?

        • http://twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

          I don't have one either…this is with little (closer) to no effort on my part. Just everything clicking. I will admit, once that 3rd week hit that ONE time I was looking at myself like I'd lost my mojo a little lol

      • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

        <blockquote cite="comment-297078">

        Flyy: And if she gave you a favorable outlook?

        I'd smash.

        There seems to be some confusion here, so let me attempt to clarify. Keep in mind, WIM is only speaking for WIM not the next man. *clears throat*

        Look, just because a woman lets me know or drops hints that she's going to let me hit doesn’t automatically mean I'm going to lose interest or respect for her. I’m a grown man. Plus, I want s*x. Why would I get upset or judge a woman for giving or letting me know I’m going to get exactly what I want? Now, if the same woman lets me hit, that doesn’t necessarily mean I'm going to lose interest. In addition, if a woman doesn’t let me hit that doesn’t mean I'm going guaranteed to lose interest either.

        If I'm interested, I’ll stay interested. S*x is pretty much wholly independent of that, unless when you do give me some s*x, it is extremely wack, which in that case, I'm going to stop messing with you regardless of the period of time passed – unless your personality is awesome enough to keep me around – which is such a rare anomaly it’s not even worth accounting for.

        In conclusion, a woman can make me wait 1 day or 1,000,000 days and if all I wanted from her was s*x, then I'm going to stop messing with her once I get it. Unless it was really good, then I'm going to stick around for as long as the s*x is free and clear with no strings attached. If I want a relationship from her, then she can let me hit the first day or the billionth day – give or take a day or two – and I will still pursue. I don’t know about the next man but I generally know what I want from a woman long before I get between her legs.

        Hope this helps clarifies WIM's view on things…

        • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

          ^^^^

          I wholeheartedly agree with all that.

          I think the misconception most women have is that sex changes a man's mind about them. Nah, I'd say more often than not, a man has already determined what he wants/what type of relationship he'd want with you from jump.

          If he wants to be with you, then he's gonna do whatever is in his control to do so. On the other hand, if he just wants sex, 90 Days Same as Cash or not, he'll take what he gets and he'll roll.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      <blockquote cite="comment-296512">

      Thereluctantsocialite: The concept makes sense (take time to get to know someone before you sleep with them) but I think the actual time frame depends on the the situation.

      Yes! There's no actual # of days. It's a time when you know it's okay to go there IF you want more than just s.ex from the person. I see men I wouldn't mind sleeping with…lilke instantly. But I know myself so I don't. That's for ME. People take "waiting" as an insult or something. How can I let another man/woman tell me when it's okay for me to have s.ex or I shouldn't wait? Why do people get so upset with this? If you (not you) don't wanna wait and like your s.ex right away, fine…go get it…just not with me. We all have options.

      • Therelucantsocialte

        Agreed.

        And… I was actually thinking about the fact that having a "RULE" gives women a false sense of security. They get so caught up in the amount of time that he's stuck around, that they ignore other possible red flags… because if he's stuck around without any s*x for 3 months… then he must be a good guy, right???

        Like someone else said downthread… if a guy really wants it, he has no problem waiting around 8 months to smash if thats what he has to do to get it. Doesn't mean after it happens, he's gonna stick around…

        Thats why I say that everyone needs to find their own comfort level in whatever situation they are in and do what they are comfortable with.

  • Lina

    For the guys: Do you call the sexy girl sexy to her face? Or would you tell her she's beautiful/pretty? I just wonder how successful that is because if a dude calls me sexy, I know he just wants to smash, so I just keep walking. Even if that's what I want, it just turns me off.

    • Corey

      We determine what would work best dependent on your demeanor. (If we're coherrent enough to have some sense)

    • Therelucantsocialte

      Exactly!

      If anybody but my boyfriend calls me sexy, I usually get offended..

      • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

        this. if i don't know you and like you, please refrain from "sexy" anything. lol

  • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

    Off Topic

    Why is it that I only cry to movies & shows like Smallville, PokeMon: The Movie, & Dragon Ball Z Kai…? (Please Don't Answer That)

    Can the Knicks still win the series… (I doubt it, sorry Most, but I am still rooting for Boston to lose 4 straight games #shots)

    End Off Topic

    Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule?

    No. But in the event that I want to start a marriage-esque type relationship with a woman that I get mushy for… I will hold off on the s*x part… I really need to know that a life partner of mine can be together platonically as well as s*xually…

    I haven't read that book. I think it is ridiculous that BW are buying into SH's book… I can't knock his hustle… The 90 day rule has some merit…

    When I pursue women… I like to go with my instincts… I have no idea what I really want out of a woman sometimes so I just go with what my body is telling me & then let my brain make the final decisions…

    Being beautiful is physical for me & being sexy is a mindset which manifests itself through your actions… I need my woman to be both…

    Unfortunately there are very few women who are sexy & wifeable… Most sexy women I know, are just not wifeable… No matter how they got that way… Which means if I decided to pick & choose any woman as a long-term mate, I would look for the cutest woman with the least issues…

    I am very interested in how women decipher men who want relationship vs. relations vs. both…

    I am of the belief that women in general s.uck at figuring out a man's true intentions… or just picking good men period…

    Adonis

    • AB

      It has always been easy for me to tell what's on the menu. I can attribute that to city living. DC can teach a young woman a lot about intentions. Also, I pay attention to wht is occuring in the moment. I am often very present when it comes to interactions with people. I can always tell what the deal is from jump. I'm a con, so I can see that shit from a mile away. I've known my man for years. We work in the same field. I wasn't checking for him before, but I had the opportnity to build and see who he was w/o sex or a relationship ever being an option.

      Being clear about intentions is a learned skill.

      • GirlSixx

        <blockquote cite="comment-296748">

        AB: It has always been easy for me to tell what’s on the menu. I can attribute that to city living. DC can teach a young woman a lot about intentions. ..

        Care to explain this?? Thanks

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      Late Addition…

      Somebody HAS to write a blogpost on this… maybe Streetz…

      Sometimes I see a girl I want to wife, and she is wifable… But she does something to downgrade herself to jumpoff status…

      & the same goes for women in marriage who are in it for love, but she stopped liking the dude, so she divorces him & takes his resources as a consolation prize…

  • Tea

    I think a woman can be either or both sexy and beautiful. When I say beautiful, I don't necessarily mean beauty-wise. I mean, beautiful to that man and in more ways than physically. He finds her beautiful because of who she is and not what she looks like.

    Its not hard to decipher between men looking for relations and those looking for relationships. First, all men are looking for relations. If you want more from a particular guy, then you have to allow him to see past the sexy and see the beautiful you.

    Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule?

    I certainly do not. I feel that when both people are ready, it's cool to do it. I don't use the term "ready" loosely. Ladies need to decide up front what they really are looking for and expect of their "relationship" with whatever guy. If you want a real relationship, don't decide to talk about that (OR change your mind about that) after exchanging the goodies.

  • Corey

    Beautiful is an appearance. Sexy is an aura. It is possible to be both or neither. If we're talking about a wife, I would definitely prefer both. I've seen women of average to a little above average looks who without a doubt fall into the sexy category. I just always like sexy because at a minimum it always looks like its gonna phuck good!

    • TellyLongLegs

      "Beautiful is an appearance. Sexy is an aura."

      Love it!

      • http://www.thetawnilogues.com Tawni

        I like that definiton as well .

      • ghislaine

        Corey – you were totally sounding upright until the *it always looks like it's gonna phuck good* oh well – you had me 2/3's in LOL. i'd still prefer to be called beautiful even though i get the ssexxxayyyyyyyy *sigh*

  • GirlSixx

    "Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule?"

    First of all when did the 90 day rule all of a sudden become a teef harvey's patented (is that a word) rule. I practiced this way back in high school in the mid 90's when steve was still Mr Hightower wearing loud suits. I remember my ex husband (then boyfriend) telling me after many attempts tryin to lay me down that if I would've given up the draws the few attempts prior to our 2.5 month consummation he would kicked my azz to the dumpster.

    Basically that 90 rule was to be expected of a woman back in the day- – even men knew this although they still tried to break it but in this day and age… Ehhh not so much because rather you let him beat 2 weeks into meeting him or 3 -4 months you're still playing russian roulette with his intentions.

    • http://www.breakfastatkarens.com Karen

      Yup…I agree. First of all…I'm still tryin to understand why Steve Harvey has become Mr. Relationship and why all of these folks, especially women, are hangin on his every word. I choose to see him as a comedian providing…comedy.

      • Tennile

        Totally agree!! Who put Steve in charge of relationships. He isnt saying anything that hasn't already been done.

    • Dani

      *dead in the casket* "Teef Harvey"

  • GirlSixx

    In moderation!!?? O__o. Okay let me try this again..

    “Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule?”

    First of all when did the 90 day rule all of a sudden become a teef harvey’s patented (is that a word) rule. I practiced this way back in high school in the mid 90′s when steve was still Mr Hightower wearing loud suits. I remember my ex husband (then boyfriend) telling me after many attempts tryin to lay me down that if I would’ve given up the draws the few attempts prior to our 2.5 month consummation he would kicked my buns to the dumpster.

    Basically that 90 rule was to be expected of a woman back in the day- – even men knew this although they still tried to break it but in this day and age… Ehhh not so much because rather you let him beat 2 weeks into meeting him or 3 -4 months you’re still playing russian roulette with his intentions.

  • http://www.twitter.com/realtalksuki2 NowSayItWithMe

    More men responding that women. Hmm…

    Ladies, how do you decipher between men looking for relations vs. relationships? Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule? I sure hope not.

    If the Steve Harvey reference is in the book, I never read it. Don't plan on it either. But um no. Hope that answers that part.

    As far as deciphering between men if they want relations vs. relationships, I don't think that's up to us to break some kind of man code if they're looking for a relationship or not. The approach might have the answer though. Some men can't call women beautiful because maybe "sexy" is the beautiful to them. And others can't say "sexy" because in a woman's beauty, she may hold and already embody that unsaid sexiness? *shrug* Everyone is different. That's the scapegoat answer when there's no real answer to give.

    Nice post :)

    Let's get it. *shoulders*

  • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

    This is an interesting concept I must say… and it makes sense to me <del>unlike a lot of the BS men say</del>.

    How I decipher if a man is looking for relations vs. relationship… easy peasy.

    1) What the topics of conversation are the first 2 or 3 times we chat. Dont start chatting me up about s.exual positions, partners, etc b/c you will LOSE.

    2) Ask him. I have learned… LAWD have I learned *waving my church fan* to take a man at his word. If he says no relationship, and that's what you are looking for… dead that unless you wanna string yourself along. If he says no relationship but you are down for relations, welp guess you found yourself a winner winner chicken dinner.

    • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

      and it makes sense to me <DEL> unlike a lot of the BS men say. </DEL>

      God, I am loving you for that comment… I am very intrigued to know some of BS things that some guys be spewing…

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      <blockquote cite="comment-296791">

      Flyy:

      How I decipher if a man is looking for relations vs. relationship… easy peasy.

      1) What the topics of conversation are the first 2 or 3 times we chat. Dont start chatting me up about s.exual positions, partners, etc b/c you will LOSE.

      2) Ask him. I have learned… LAWD have I learned *waving my church fan* to take a man at his word. If he says no relationship, and that’s what you are looking for… dead that unless you wanna string yourself along. If he says no relationship but you are down for relations, welp guess you found yourself a winner winner chicken dinner.

      if this isn't gospel… i don't know what is. conversation one determines if there will be another. and i've learned that the type of man i will generally entertain for conversation is usually very honest. if you ask and he's a real man, he'll be honest with you. you don't even really have to ask directly to know whether a man is interested in a relationship or relations.

  • http://www.max-logic.com max

    "Ironically, there is very little women can do to dictate how men see them"

    This has me furrowing my brow in confusion. I don't think I knew that. I'm gonna chew on it a bit and return with a real comment.

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      <blockquote cite="comment-296794">

      max: “Ironically, there is very little women can do to dictate how men see them”This has me furrowing my brow in confusion. I don’t think I knew that. I’m gonna chew on it a bit and return with a real comment.

      LOL. Folks are reading WAY more into this post than I intended – and that's fine. By that specific quote I meant based on first impressions/looks. In other words, you cant change your genetic make-up. Look forward to your follow-up comment though. I'll be lurking in the shadows throughout the day.

      • http://www.max-logic.com max

        I've had a bit more time to think about it, and I think I see what you're saying. I think we women do what we do to project what we want to project, but there are certain things that are beyond our control – or consciousness even – that convey things to men that we are unaware of.

        Case in point – last year I dragged myself out of my sickbed to attend a fundraiser hosted by a good friend of mine. I had a fever, had lost my voice, and just dragged my hair back in a bun, slapped some make up on, and threw on jeans and my warmest sweater. I felt like sh!t and looked like sh!t. So of course I met a man that night. Of course I did. When we talked later he told me that he noticed me because I "gave off an aura of sexiness". I was so baffled by that. I told him he was mistaking an aura of cold germs for an aura of sexiness.

        Anyway – my point is, sometimes no matter what women do or don't do we're conveying pretty and/or sexy vibes.

  • http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com Southern Poise

    As a woman, I'm often told I'm sexy, but I've been told I'm beautiful/gorgeous just as much. But I understand the difference when hear sexy A LOT, or the tone and demeanor of the person saying it. I'm not completely oblivious. But just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sex appeal can be too. (Lil Wayne—-my girlfriend swears he's fine/sexy as hell) WTF??? How can you see past the tats on his face and??? I've walked out the house, not looking sexy/pretty at all, at least not to myself, just running to the grocery store, hoping not to see anyone, and I've been approached. Was it for "smash and grab" or grab coffee and let's talk", who’s to say. But I believe there is some truth to your theory, but not completely convenience that ALL men ONLY wanna smash if they are attracted by your sex appeal right away. Just like I don’t believe pretty equals marriage material. #whoisthisShallowHal?

    Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule?

    Funny you should ask. http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/2011/04/ce

    • http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com Southern Poise

      Just realized my typo "Convenience", wth??? lol. 'CONVINCED'. LOL

  • Humble_One

    There is a difference between sexy and beautiful. You don't have to be highly physically attractive or have a body to be sexy. Sexy is something you just have. There are a lot of women that are pretty but not sexy at all. When a guy says sexy it's usually the woman he describes as "there is something about her I don't know what it is" or "she isn't all that (face, body) but I stil want her". I've seen sexy women get play from guys on the level of a pretty girl. Its funny because everyone is like "I don't get it. Why are men sweating her?".

    @BlakJakJohnson @CorporateBarbie Being sexy isn’t more valuable. Sexy = What you want to f**k. Pretty/Beautiful = What you want to wife.

    As far as this tweet and men wanting pretty/beautiful wives, it's true to an extent. From my experience most guys end up with or will take an average woman that gives them peace of mind first. Men don't get to this point until they're almost 30 or older and have dealt with the pretty girls and the pretty girl issues. Then you have some guys that have never had the pretty girl or still have immature taste in women. Those guys never grow out of the "pretty over all things" stage.  

    • Humble_One

      How did I get in moderation?

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      <blockquote cite="comment-296811">

      Humble_One: @BlakJakJohnson @CorporateBarbie Being sexy isn’t more valuable. Sexy = What you want to f**k. Pretty/Beautiful = What you want to wife.As far as this tweet and men wanting pretty/beautiful wives, it’s true to an extent. From my experience most guys end up with or will take an average woman that gives them peace of mind first. Men don’t get to this point until they’re almost 30 or older and have dealt with the pretty girls and the pretty girl issues. Then you have some guys that have never had the pretty girl or still have immature taste in women. Those guys never grow out of the “pretty over all things” stage.

      Yup. You basically summed up my 'Why He Married the Regular Girl' post in this paragraph.

  • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

    this is interesting. i don't think being sexy and being beautiful/pretty have to be mutually exclusive. of course i'm speaking within the confines of a relationship, though.i get offended when men i don't know call me sexy.

    when i was younger, i used to get that ALL the time. as i've gotten older i get pretty, etc.. complements more. ironically though, even back then, i've never been the chick men just want to have sex with. most of the men i've talked to in any capacity would be the first to mention relationships (and rather early in my opinion), meeting parents, and why i should be with them. even when i got out of a long relationship and WANTED to freely date (not chex) different men and just have fun, it didn't work. lol. pretty soon they'd be saying stuff "cuffing" and baby bumps and all types of side-eye worthy statements. ah well.

    all that is to say that, i think a woman can be both. and i think most men would like a woman that is both, if they're going to pick a mate. i also think being uber sexual and being confidently sexy are two different things. a woman can just emit "sex" for some reason just based on body parts alone. like if she has a huge behind or big bosom, men are going to think of sex more often than not when they see her, even if she's not that type of woman.

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      *compliments. please excuse… i've been up all night. *sips more cappuccino*

  • cynicaloptimist81

    Nice post!

    I think they can def overlap. Only serious suitors tend to really pursue me. Most guys I date tend to add s.exy to my description last after they've gotten to know me a bit…because its not an overt s.exiness. I only show that side when it's deserved/earned…like a reward, lol…like adding whipped cream and a cherry to the top of an already FAB banana pudding milkshake!

    A while back, I quickly decided I was ready to make a guy I liked my bf, implemented operation 'close the deal tonight', and he told me that I was being unnecessarily aggressive. He said that I was wife material perpetrating as a jump off in that moment…that he didn't mind putting me in the 'jump off' category if I was cool with that but, since he knew I wasn't, he figured he'd pull my card, show it to me, and let me adjust my behavior! I really was grateful…cause he was right…and I was trippin. That's the lesson that taught me how and how quickly men categorize women.

    Question for the Fellas: What does a man mean when he calls a woman cute/adorable? Where does it fall in the hierarchy of a woman's attractiveness?

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      <blockquote cite="comment-296816">

      cynicaloptimist81: Question for the Fellas: What does a man mean when he calls a woman cute/adorable? Where does it fall in the hierarchy of a woman’s attractiveness?

      As you pointed out, men are quick to categorize. This doesn't mean you're stuck in whatever category we put you in forever; however, some categories like "jump off" are harder to escape than others.

      I opened with that because; pertaining to your question, "cute" is probably on the bottom rung of the ladder. Only because men don’t expect much from the cute girl. Personally, I usually associate cute with innocent. However, plenty of cute girls have proven me wrong plenty of times. They may even use their ‘baby face’ to their advantage to seem innocent and quiet but in real life, #SheAFreakTho.

      • cynicaloptimist81

        <blockquote cite="comment-296859">

        WisdomIsMisery: Only because men don’t expect much from the cute girl. Personally, I usually associate cute with innocent. However, plenty of cute girls have proven me wrong plenty of times. They may even use their ‘baby face’ to their advantage to seem innocent and quiet but in real life, #SheAFreakTho.

        This explains SOO much!

        Clarification Request: Explain why/what you mean by "men don't expect much from the cute girl"…

        Insight Request: Bare, my face is extremely young. Plus, I'm short and petite. So, cute/adorable is the cross I carry on the regular. Interestingly enough, I get the most attention from guys (fine, hard-bodied ones, lol) when I'm bare-faced and looking, IMO, bland aka a mess, lol. When I'm done up (make-up, grown & s.exy attire), I hear fine/gorgeous…but hardly ever s.exy…and hardly no approaches…hearing fine/gorgeous as I'm passing by the guy(s) or from my date…and I'll catch gazes (even if I have a date, lol)…or guys will be EXTREMELY polite to me.

        What's that about???

        • Corey

          There doesn't appear to be a clear and present threat of getting your head busted by the cute/innocent girl as opposed to the tiny brickhouse you transform into. We're enthralled by the dressed to the T look and completely unintimidated by the alleged lookin a mess you.

        • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

          I agree with Corey. For the most part, dudes don't care about all the make-up and nails and whatever is women feel they need to do to "look sexy." At least not the first time we meet you.

          It's hard to fix up "ugly." So if two girls are standing by each other but one's ugly and "dressed up" and one's FINE and "dressed down" who do you think I'm going to approach? ….welp.

          Men can see potential. I dont need to see a chick decked out to the T to figure out she's FINE or she has the potential to be FINE when she fixes herself up. Plus, I probably dont care. If you're out trotting around in sweat pants and your booty is shaking in my peripheral, I'm probably going to approach. Or you can be dressed up in a business suit and make up and heels, and I'm probably going to approach. Unless you look like a mini-ratchet, the moral of the story is I'm probably going to approach.

    • Corey

      I can only speak for myself on this one. For me the cute/adorable tag is for women who exude a youthful look, demeanor and vibe. Its definitely a good thing because some folks aren't cute…like EVER!! I find that I typically reserve this classification for tiny little women and babyfaces. Actually, now that I think about it, thats usually the type I end up booed up with…

      And once again you can have some overlap. I think people put a little too much into initial assumptions of people. You can be several things at once or cycle through them one at a time depending on situation and setting.

      • cynicaloptimist81

        So, you pretty much confirmed my plight, LOL! All the way down to the "tiny little women and babyfaces"! WOW!

        • Corey

          Don't be distraught. Use it to your advantage.

    • http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com Southern Poise

      "Question for the Fellas: What does a man mean when he calls a woman cute/adorable? Where does it fall in the hierarchy of a woman’s attractiveness?"

      I know this question is for the men, but I wanted to respond as I see it from my point of view in relation to a man. I think cute and adorable can be just as sexy, if not more than fine. When I think of cute and adorable, I think sweet. Not to say, you can’t open your mouth and something foul comes out, then suddenly cute and adorable looks ugly and funky. But sometimes can turn to sexy, because you initially though of them as just sweet. Sweet, meaning ‘safe’, innocent, not a bad boy (someone who will want to smash and grab at the first chance), which can also be misleading, not that they're doing it on purpose. To me, if I had to categorize based on sexy VS beautiful/pretty, as defined in this post, cute and adorable to me would equate to pretty/beautiful in regards to ‘relationship/marriage’ material. That is, if I was going off looks alone. I’m smart enough to know looks can be deceiving.

  • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

    Hmmm…this is an interesting topic. I'm not s.exy…like at all. I'm actually more of a tramp but that's not related to this post. I admire s.exy women. How they move, etc and do things that suggest s.ex in my opinion. The only time a man would see my s.exy ways is if he's literally in my bedroom or personal space. I don't think any of my public behavior is suggestive in any way so I don't think of myself as the "s.exy" woman. Now the reaction I get from men confirms this to an extent. I see some women who get verbally assaulted by men. I don't get that too much. I don't know if it's my goon-like face or maybe men can see I'm not about it but they usually approach with some fake @ss "How you doin?" type stuff that smells like "Would you like some d*ck with that?" but atleast their smart enough to check themselves when approaching me for the most part. I get the horn dogs but you can't count them cause they're like that with all women. It's a catch 22 cause all men want s.ex in some way…all men. Whether ya'll see us as s.exy or beautiful, you still want the cookies. I want to think of myself as more than an object but to be honest, I get objectified so much that I really don't know anymore.

    As far as women not being able to control how men see us, maybe I misread this statement but I disagree. When I'm going to work, I look professional so I get slow advances. When I'm around town, I'm in casual mode so I get medium advances. When I'm going out at night with the girls, I'm dressed to KILL so I get gorilla advances. How I dress directly affects the type of advances I get from men. I think men "holla" at me because of my looks and confidence. Maybe they like a challenge. I dunno. I get hit on so much that my brain shuts down when trying to analyze. It really doesn't matter to me, just don't touch my arm. I hate that sh*t.

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      "I get hit on so much that my brain shuts down when trying to analyze. It really doesn’t matter to me, just don’t touch my arm. I hate that sh*t."

      THIS. please don't touch me! lol. i am an unwelcomed touching nazi.

    • http://Twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      " I’m actually more of a tramp …"

      Go on lol

    • DeKeLa

      Hmm.. I'm curious to see how you look in all three stages, after your comment, it was pretty odd to hear from a woman. And I don't even want the cookies (#lies)

  • GirlSixx

    Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no sex rule?”

    First of all when did the 90 day rule all of a sudden become a Teef Harvey’s patented (is that a word) rule. I practiced this way rule back in high school in the mid 90′s when Steve was still Mr. Hightower wearing loud suits. I remember my ex husband (then boyfriend) telling me after many attempts tryin to lay me down that if I would’ve given up the draws during those few attempts prior to our 2.5 month consummation (yeah I caved 2 weeks shy of 90 days) he would have kicked my buns to the dumpster.

    Basically that 90 rule was to be expected of women back in the day- – even men knew this although they still tried to break it BUT in this day and age… Ehhh. not so much because whether you let him beat 2 weeks into meeting him or 3 – 4 months later you’re playing russian roulette with his intentions and your pooch.

    • GirlSixx

      Umm why is my comment in moderation: Let me try this again.

      Do you implement Steve Harvey’s lace front mustache 90-day no chex rule?”

      First of all when did the 90 day rule all of a sudden become a Teef Harvey’s patented (is that a word) rule. I practiced this way rule back in high school in the mid 90′s when Steve was still Mr. Hightower wearing loud suits. I remember my ex husband (then boyfriend) telling me after many attempts tryin to lay me down that if I would’ve given up the draws during those few attempts prior to our 2.5 month consummation (yeah I caved 2 weeks shy of 90 days) he would have kicked my buns to the dumpster.

      Basically that 90 rule was to be expected of women back in the day- – even men knew this although they still tried to break it BUT in this day and age… Ehhh. not so much because whether you let him beat 2 weeks into meeting him or 3 – 4 months later you’re playing russian roulette with his intentions and your pooch.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        I'm going to need us to not have so much in common! Lol As usual, I cosign all of dis. Anyone who tells you shouldn't use discretion has personal gain. Whatever you decide, it's up to you. If you want it, get it. It really doesn't bother me and I don't get why some people get so up in arms about it.

  • GirlSixx

    Why am I in moderation, I didn't use any bad words?

  • http://www.max-logic.com max

    <blockquote cite="comment-296791">

    Flyy:

    This is an interesting concept I must say… and it makes sense to me <del>unlike a lot of the BS men say</del>.

    How I decipher if a man is looking for relations vs. relationship… easy peasy.

    1) What the topics of conversation are the first 2 or 3 times we chat. Dont start chatting me up about s.exual positions, partners, etc b/c you will LOSE.

    2) Ask him. I have learned… LAWD have I learned *waving my church fan* to take a man at his word. If he says no relationship, and that’s what you are looking for… dead that unless you wanna string yourself along. If he says no relationship but you are down for relations, welp guess you found yourself a winner winner chicken dinner.

    YUP!

    • GirlSixx

      I Concur 1000%

      Another test is this: If they are truly interested and just got ahead of themselves for a minute (s.ex talk, etc.) after you let him him know it's not going down like that he will apologize and get some act right, but if he isn't 100% genuine he will become extremly BUSY all of a sudden.

      • Corey

        Not necessarily. He could be throwing it out there to guage your reaction. That helps determine the approach for the future. Consider it running the ball for a loss to set up the playaction.

        • GirlSixx

          <blockquote cite="comment-296897">

          Corey: Not necessarily. He could be throwing it out there to guage your reaction. That helps determine the approach for the future. Consider it running the ball for a loss to set up the playaction.

          Isn't this similar to what I said? o__o

        • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

          Guage my reaction? To what? S.ex?

          Whomps. What kind of nonsense is that?

          So he brings it up tryna see if he can smash or not? B/c I assume if I respond favorably that's what he's gonna wanna do. And if he does it (especially if it happens quickly) it is safe to assume that he is not going to pursue a relationship w/ that particular young lady. Therefore, it proves my original point… if he brings it up and that's not what you're about… be out.

          QED.

        • Corey

          Not exactly. Change of approach doesn't always signify change of intent or your classification. Men can wait 8 months JUST to smash. Depends on his resolve and how bad he wants it.

        • http://twitter.com/ModelingNShit Flyy

          @Corey

          So you are telling me… if a man brings up s.ex and the young woman gives a favorable response – mind you we are speaking in the initial conversation(s) – dude is going to wait before smanging?

          o__O

          you need more people.

      • Corey

        Absolutely not. But just because you squash the sexy time convo doesn't mean he's gonna run for the hills or change his mind about you being something to knock the back out of (strictly). If the response is favorable (even if his comments were in jest) he's about to goon up. If you shut it down immediately and he runs that's about as obvious as it gets. That's not the dude to worry about. He's completely transparent. The dude to worry about is the one who "will apologize and get some *act right*". Which from my understanding of the statement is not overtly trying you like that. At least not for a while.

        • GirlSixx

          The dude to worry about is the one who “will apologize and get some *act right*”. Which from my understanding of the statement is not overtly trying you like that. At least not for a while.

          *LightBulb*

          Okay I got you know now. So what you're saying is he even though I shut it down and he apologizes and get some *act right* (stops the s.ex talk, etc.) after we do the "DO" 6 months down the line he may still pull a casper.

        • GirlSixx

          Got it!!! *LightBulbEffect*

        • Corey

          You got it!

  • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

    I have always kinda disregarded being told I was sexy by strangers because of this post. I took hearing the POVs of those with the school of thought as TWiSM81 to change my mind… some. But I still mostly equate sexy to sex only. I get the personality, presence, charisma, etc. but I still don't think its something people can gauge on first glance/meet or how its typically used when a man calls you sexy until he really knows you, or has spent considerable time around you. But maybe I'm wrong. and just have no faith in the intentions behind compliments from men. lol

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      "and just have no faith in the intentions behind compliments from men. "

      Cosign.

  • http://Twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

    Beauty can be sexy but sexy cant be beautiful. Beauty leaves me speechless, sexy has me saying stuff like "DAMN!"

    Granted all of this is subjective, out really comes down to a mindset with me. Beauty trumps sexy for me so thats what I'm usually drawn to.

    #tangentkindof went to the strip club once in the middle of the week once and there was this beautiful and sexy chick working there. Never have I wanted to their away all of my rules for steppers! I chit chat with the girls and she was pleasant as hell

  • DeKeLa

    I think it's simple

    Sexy has the word "S.EX" in it..

    Beautiful has the word "Beau" (old fashion term for Boo)

    When I think of sexy, I put it in terms of discrete items (looks, attitude,outfit, head game, walk, speech) like a Record with a banging bass line to follow.

    When I think of Beautiful, I look at a bigger picture where nothing stands out, but everything blends in together as a smooth melody, like a symphony piece.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Nice breakdown!

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    Yes, I looked at each silhouette and determined which ones were sexy and which ones were beautiful.

    Anyhow, yeah this makes sense. I mean, sexy actually has a wide range of definitions (it can be about physical or it can be about essence), but in this sense… yes, sexy women are usually thought of as f*ckable, and beautiful/pretty chicks are thought of as wifable. So, um… what about us babyfaced "cute" chicks? Do we get a lollipop?

    Yes, you can take that last question as you see fit…

    • Corey

      "Do we get a lollipop?"

      YES. In every sense of the question.

  • DeKeLa

    <blockquote cite="comment-296854">

    Reecie: … But maybe I’m wrong. and just have no faith in the intentions behind compliments from men. lol

    It's simple, just assume we all want to sleep with you and your problem is solved. Now you know the intention.

  • GoddessKLS

    How do I decipher between men who just want s*x vs. Men who want more? Their conversation.
    Men who only want s*x aren't interested in what makes you tick. They can't even fake it. There are so many nonverbal give-aways. A lot of times men who aren't interested in a relationship don't ask questions. Why would they? They don't need to know you're favoritie flower, food, or why you chose your career if all they want is your yoni.

    Men interested in more are a little more inrigued by the workings of your life. Of course these men want the goods too but it's not all they want & they make that known. I've noticed these men tell you want they're aiming for. That doesn't necessarily mean it will happen. There are no promises the relationship they want will happen with you but that's like.

    The 90-day rule? Tried it. Men get really frustrated with it. *giggles* There is a wait period but it isn't 90-days. I think things should flow naturally. And no, naturally isn't the first date or within the first 1-2 weeks. I'm sorry, but in this day & age rushing into s*x can cost you more than hurt feelings.

    Peace.

  • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

    There have been great comments on this concept before.

    Wiz,

    Talking about the tweet you quoted: It's true and flase at the same time. I think everyone would agree that someone you find sexy, you would want to have relations with them. if they are beautiful/Pretty, you would want to wife. OK. I think the tweeter needed to elaborate more on whether or not this was the case for ODW's (One Dimensional Women).

    You can be sexy and be so sexy that people would want to be in a relationship with you, you can also be considered pretty/beautiful, but dudes would only want to smash because they're not trying to be in anything serious, and they know they would HAVE to if they pursued anything other than a roll in the hay.

    Sexy can be in looks, character, the air about you, the way you speak. Sexy is an intangible, almost like a x-factor. Pretty is a known variable. Either you are pretty/beautiful or you're not. Of course this is in the "beholders" eye, but if a general consensus is that you're pretty/beautiful (9 out of 10 dudes think you're beautiful) then you're beautiful (on the outside).

    This is almost like the introvert/extrovert test. I think there are ugly women that are SUPER sexy, and pretty women that you wouldnt want to smash.

    It all falls into percentages. I'd call it your SvP, Sexy vs. Pretty Ratio. Balance is always good, but you may register higher on the sexy side than pretty, and that might affect your overall persona.

    I should make a Venn Diagram.

    Good Post!

    • cynicaloptimist81

      <blockquote cite="comment-296913">

      Streetz: I should make a Venn Diagram.

      When you do, please add cute/adorable women…we tend to get left out and feel a bit slighted, lol.

      • http://www.streetztalk.net Streetz

        I was gonna talk about that too. They would porbabl be in the shaded area outside the circle, or their own cirle

    • GirlSixx

      I like the way you broke this down.

  • TellyLongLegs

    When deciphering whether a guy wants relations vs a relationship, I go by his actions. For example, if a guy only calls me after 10 and brings up sex every phone call then all he wants is relations. If a guy breaks out in hives when I mention the word relationship then all he wants is relations. If he sees me in the club dropping like it's hot then ask for my number, 10 times out of 10,all he wants is relations. 

    Good post WIM. 

    P.S

    July 2nd in Miami sounds fine to me. I can be there.

  • Business Beauty

    So I have a question for the ladies: Do you take being "sexy" as an insult? I immediately give a guy the side I if he calls me sexy. I have friends who would kill for a man to call them sexy; not that they aren’t gorgeous but they give off the “girl next door” appeal and that just isn’t sexy. I get sexy ALL the time. As I’ve gotten older, I get “beautiful” more and more. But what is so wrong with being sexy? Don’t we all want a nice coke bottle shape? and if we work hard in the gym (I mean on the elliptical for hours on end, doing squats, zumba, kettle ball, master cleanse, Kim Kardashian’s “Fit in Your Jeans By Friday” ) don’t we deserve to show off our HARD WORK in a freak'um dress? This is where I get confused. No, I do not condone wearing two Band-Aids and a g-string and calling it an outfit, but dressing to show off you figure is not a crime. Sadly women will continue to be judged by it. So is life.

    ~BB

    • http://livelovesingwithme.tumblr.com LiveLoveSing

      I think the issue with men (read: strangers) calling me sexy is in the tone. That's what makes it offensive, not the word itself. It usually sounds something like this:

      Me: [Minding my business waiting for the 2 train]

      Him: [walks past me, stops, walks backwards]

      ….

      Him: Damn girl, you is SEXYYYYYYY!

      That's not cute. But if we've just met, and have been having good conversation, and you slip in a "wow, you're very sexy" then that's better. Still not ideal, but the second senario won't make me cringe.

    • Kisha

      Thank you! I feel like men and women wants to be sexy. I been called sexy and beautiful. I don't have a problem with either one. I don't care if you not attractive, sexy, or beautiful a man is going to be a man. It's just being with the right person at the end of the day.

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    ALLCON:

    When commenting on SBM.org keep in mind that the word s*x, without the asterisk or some other way of censoring it will cause your comment to end up in moderation.

    Then, I have to go into the comments dashboard and edit the comment for approval. You've been warned. As a brief reminder, comments that have links to outside sites, e.g. gif sites, also end up in moderation and I have to go in and manually approve them.

    Thank you kindly.

    – The SBM Billy Goat

    In the words of Wayne Campbell… "game on."

    • http://Twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      Didn't know that. Welll edit appropriately in the future.

  • http://www.twitter.com/TAARenaissance Adonis

    <blockquote cite="comment-296949">

    Corey:

    Not exactly. Change of approach doesn’t always signify change of intent or your classification. Men can wait 8 months JUST to smash. Depends on his resolve and how bad he wants it.

    Thank You…

    But Making men wait, weeds most of them out… Some of us are SPARTANS (NC-17 ref.)

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

    The fact that there's a whole thread about the dislike button makes me weep. It's really not that serious.

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      iDie. I think the 'dislike' button is the greatest thing to happen to black folks since the introduction of Popeyes buffet in select cities.

      • Corey

        <blockquote cite="comment-296977">

        WisdomIsMisery: iDie. I think the ‘dislike’ button is the greatest thing to happen to black folks since the introduction of Popeyes buffet in select cities.

        Wait…where the Popeye's buffet at?

      • DeKeLa

        Dont kid around about that Popeyes Buffett…

        Where, when, how much??? People need answers!

      • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

        <blockquote cite="comment-296999">

        DeKeLa: Dont kid around about that Popeyes Buffett… Where, when, how much??? People need answers!

        They're on Twitter (@Popeyes) and fairly responsive from what I've seen. I believe there's one in Florida for sure, not sure where the others are.

        • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

          There are a couple back home in Louisiana too. But I guess that's a given.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      @Slim

      Of course you would say that. Everyone likes you. *kiss teeth*

    • QueenBinthestreets..

      Just to clarify, I wasnt anoyed about the fact that there is a dislike button, Just by the way in whichsome people are using it. This young lady confidently spoke on her perception of her own outward beauty and someone ignorant had the audacity to "dislike" it

      Again, its not the fact that its there, just the way in which its being used for ill purpose

      • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/ Slimuel L. Jackson

        Oh, I wasn't saying that for you specifically. It's just the fact it came up as an issue at all. Appreciate you being in the mix of the comments though.

        • QueenBinthestreets..

          Thats cool and Thanks!

          *whispers: I have an e-crush on you* :)

  • http://codecipher.blogspot.com MeteorMan

    Fellas, are these two categories distinct, overlapping or nonexistent? Are there more?

    There's overlap and there's one more category: "f*ckable." A woman doesn't have to be sexy for a guy to want to have sex with them. They only have to be f*ckable. And f*ckable can be determined by her demeanor and desires and his impression of her demeanor and desires. Notice, in this case, looks have very little weight.

    Can a woman be beautiful without being sexy and vise versa?

    Yes. A woman can be beautiful and not sexy and not f*ckable. A woman can be sexy and not beautiful but always f*ckable. A woman can be f*ckable and neither sexy or beautiful.

    Sexiness is a set of mannerisms and interpretation of presentation that sexually allures another person. Meaning that, even though guys say "sexy" to women they don't know, it requires some sort of observation of that person over some time (5 minutes would suffice in some cases). For example, a woman can be dressed to KILL, but if she's loud, for me, she get's -5 on the sexiness meter. And I think every guy in the world (while he's sober) would say that a sloppy drunk woman while may be f*ckable is not sexy.

    We are visual creatures and while one guy only notices you when you have on the "f*ck me" dress, another will swear up and down that you're the truth while at the laundry mat. Men being visual creatures doesn't mean we are slaves to our eyes. "Visual creatures" means we rely on our visual system, i.e. our brains. Hence women seem to get sexier when our brain is impaired. Notice I said "sexier" and not more beautiful. We'll SAY "beautiful" because any guy with a working brain knows that women don't want to be seen as purely sexual objects (usually) and the chances of her willing to have sex is higher if you go out you way to tell/give her the impression that you think she's beautiful. Notice I didn't say "show her." Showing her she's beautiful implies a guy actually thinks that. Which does happen. However, like sexiness, it requires some time for the purpose of observation. And the woman cannot say how long it has to be before someone can truly consider her beautiful. It depends on the situation and the people involved.

    To understand the sharp distinctions created by the categories, look at how a guy acts while impaired. Like I said above, being impaired will make a woman appear sexier. But why is that? Well we know what she had on didn't change and I bet homie's impression of what she had on didn't change. While impaired we interpret the subtle human interaction part differently. So the drunk guy that's bothering you is interpreting your (sober) 'I'm not interested' signs. What his impaired brain interprets is sexiness manifested in a form the fits from his desires. So we can farther verify that sexiness is product of physical attraction (clearly) but driven by a man's own level of desire and his interpretation of a woman's set of actions i.e. interpreted presentation.

    Beauty
    Beauty is a manifestation of purpose and meaning. Perfection is a shadow of beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder because he assigns the beauty in reference to his own life/situations. Any woman would clearly say that a random guy that says she's beautiful would immediately thinks he's referring to her looks and she would be right. But after observation, calling a woman beautiful is no longer a ploy or a miss-referencing of her physical appearance, its honestly how she fits into his life as herself.

    In other words, when a guy who knows you calls you beautiful (regardless of the context), its true and is the greatest compliment because who you are complements his life.

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      <blockquote cite="comment-296972">

      MeteorMan: Fellas, are these two categories distinct, overlapping or nonexistent? Are there more?There’s overlap and there’s one more category: “f*ckable.” A woman doesn’t have to be sexy for a guy to want to have sex with them. They only have to be f*ckable. And f*ckable can be determined by her demeanor and desires and his impression of her demeanor and desires. Notice, in this case, looks have very little weight. Can a woman be beautiful without being sexy and vise versa?Yes. A woman can be beautiful and not sexy and not f*ckable. A woman can be sexy and not beautiful but always f*ckable. A woman can be f*ckable and neither sexy or beautiful

      Using Streetz Venn Diagram reference above, I think all beautiful/sexy women would fall into the "f*ckable" category. Also, we men seem to be offending some of the 'cute' women in the house by leaving them out of the mix. My bad.

      Getting back to my point, if we can visualize a 4 circle Venn Diagram. Cute/Sexy/Beautiful would be the overlapping circles. Then f*ckable would be the HUGE circle that encompasses them all. Ugly women would be the square the circles are contained on. We know they're there – and they have their moments (alcohol educed) but we refuse to acknowledge it in our day to day discussions.

      I'd post an image but I'm at work, so images are blocked. Maybe Starita can help a brother out when she gets a chance? Request: 3 circle Venn Diagram.

      Gracias.

      • cynicaloptimist81

        <blockquote cite="comment-296983">

        WisdomIsMisery: Cute/Sexy/Beautiful would be the overlapping circles.

        *fist pump* *cue One Way's, Cutie Pie*

      • http://codecipher.blogspot.com MeteorMan

        <blockquote cite="comment-296983">

        WisdomIsMisery: Using Streetz Venn Diagram reference above, I think all beautiful/sexy women would fall into the “f*ckable” category. Also, we men seem to be offending some of the ‘cute’ women in the house by leaving them out of the mix. My bad.

        I disagree. One beautiful woman that that isn't f*ckable is my mom. I think people are cross matching the terminology here.

        When I say "beautiful" I'm not talking about a person's looks like they're cute, ugly, aight, etc… That's a different beautiful than what I was referring to. Beauty extends past the surface. Their usage of the word "beautiful" to describe someone you haven't observed is either a ploy or a miss-referencing of their looks. The "cute" looking women are offending themselves. People are caught up in the words, not the message. There's no opposition to cute verses beautiful in this context is it? Cute is solely subjective without any basis on sex or interest in marriage which your post was based upon.

        • cynicaloptimist81

          <blockquote cite="comment-297127">

          MeteorMan: The “cute” looking women are offending themselves.

          Though I completely understood/understand your definition of beauty, I sure hope you understand the plight of the "cute/adorable" woman. All humans want to be and feel desired. In conversations like these, the "desired" are commonly defined as pretty/s.exy/fine/beautiful/gorgeous. And, though the "cute" woman may hear those terms at times, most often, we're just "cute/adorable". So, as we try to see ourselves in the discussion, we can't…or what we can take from it is unclear. We're left wondering if guys are generally attracted to "cute/adorable" women at all! Pretty/s.exy/fine/beautiful/gorgeous is a given. Cute/adorable? Not so much. I don't wanna be made to feel like a man's Plan B…cause he couldn't get a 24/7 pretty/s.exy/fine/beautiful/gorgeous woman.

          I hope I made that clear without sounding insecure, lol…which isn't the case.

        • http://codecipher.blogspot.com MeteorMan

          @cynicaloptimist81

          No one is excluding those who are called "cute." There's too much weight placed on the words themselves. Those called cute can fall into any or all of the categories I mentioned.

          <blockquote cite="comment-297154">

          cynicaloptimist81: In conversations like these, the “desired” are commonly defined as pretty/s.exy/fine/beautiful/gorgeous. And, though the “cute” woman may hear those terms at times, most often, we’re just “cute/adorable” [...] I hope I made that clear without sounding insecure, lol…which isn’t the case.

          I wouldn't say you sound insecure. But what you disagree with isn't myself, what I said or even this post. You disagree with the hierarchy that's placed on women due to their looks. And most certainly, the hierarchy is based upon some physical (European) ideal. That's fine. I disagree with that ish too. The lack of ability to see yourself in this conversation is indeed your own faults though. We are talking about sexual attraction verses attraction to the person. We're talking about the drive to give a life long commitment to a woman verses just wanting to smash. We're not ranking people based on their looks like your usage of the word "cute" used in this context seem to assert. The use of the word beautiful is not excluding anyone who was called "cute" by some random dude. My usage of the word beautiful refers to what I stated above. There are indeed "cute" looking people but that's neither here nor there since we aren't ranking looks.

          Analyze this: "I don't consider myself beautiful but cute."

          Now is that person talking about beautiful looks or beautiful as a person? Are they sexy? Are they beautiful? Almost all would say that person is talking about their looks. But guess what, we're not talking about beauty in that way. YES, it's the same word. Yes, guys will say beautiful just for kicks and because it inherently gives women the idea that they are of the most desired. Yes, that's a mindf*ck… But we're not talking about that. different context, different meaning. Yes, people will call you "cute" but that doesn't make you not beautiful as a person or looks-wise.

        • cynicaloptimist81

          <blockquote cite="comment-297192">

          MeteorMan: We are talking about sexual attraction verses attraction to the person. We’re talking about the drive to give a life long commitment to a woman verses just wanting to smash. We’re not ranking people based on their looks like your usage of the word “cute” used in this context seem to assert.

          I'd agree with you completely if I weren't under the assumption that the post was based off of first impressions…which is a combo of apperance (primarily) and the essence of your personality (but not heavily b/c you don't really know her). The type of beauty you're describing can't be assessed right away…or am I wrong?! Lol. Which is why I used the common definitions of the commonly used labels that were present in the post (s.exy & pretty/beautiful)…and ran into problems, lol. I humbly accept if I was wrong for doing that…but I don't think I was. ;-)

    • http://Twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      To expand that extra category there is wanting to f**k and being willing to

  • http://therxbeauty.blogspot.com/ Rxbeauty

    I already know I got a babyface, so saying I'm cute is no mystery to me. What I hate is the statement that I'm pretty for a big girl. I swear I never heard this until I moved to the DMV. If I'm pretty then just let me have that, why we got to bring my size into this. You act like I didn't see myself in the mirror. What hurts even more is that I just lost 40 lbs, so yeah I'd rather you keep your comment to yourself. "Hops off soapbox" and goes back to sipping on my tea. It is good to hear a males perspective, because I assumed sexy and beautiful to be cohesive. Guess I learn something new everyday.

  • http://redlady821.wordpress.com/ RedLady821

    I think it's how a woman carries herself-a man wants a woman that's a well kept secret in the bedroom, not one that's oozing sex to everyone she walks by — that's why the ultra sexy woman probably just gets fucked and the pretty woman (who's sexiness is more hidden) gets wifed.

    I'm no expert, just something off of the top of my head. No years of reserach here.

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Good point. I agree.

  • http://stillnatural.wordpress.com N.I.A.naturally

    Beautiful trumps sexy everyday of the week, and twice on Sunday, once at church, and again at brunch.

    I've been called both beautiful and sexy, but never the two together. I think most men consider them two completely different things, with no chance of the 2 coming together. Actually, I think it more likely a woman is called beautiful first, and then sexy, but the sexy first woman is rarely referred to as beautiful. Anyway, you know I have a story. Like to hear it here it go…

    Picture it, Summer 2010. I see a nice looking man in the produce section checking me out, but I notice he has a ring. A big no-no for me. So, I keep it moving, getting the rest of my groceries. As I move throughout the grocery store, I keep seeing him, and he's still looking at me. I'm flattered, and I keep it moving. So, now we're at the self-checkout. He's already checking out as I pull up, and he's finishing by the time I'm ready to pay for my order. As I'm finishing up I reach for some change in my wallet, and I drop a dime on the floor. I go to get it, and there he is picking it up for me. Of course, I smile and say thank you, and turn to finish my checkout. He turns to leave, buthe comes back, and says to me, "I'm sorry, but I have to tell you. You are so beautiful." I'm floored. I smile, say something like Oh my god, thank you, or something like that. He turns, and walks out the store. Now, I'm cheesing like a Lion King hyena all the way home. Here I am, in the grocery store in a beater, leggings, and sneakers. My hair in a ponytail, a little makeup since I got of work about 30min before hand. That really made my day. Not because of the compliment, hell, I know I'm pretty effing awesome, but because he was so genuine, and I believed he meant it when he said it. There was no trying to get my number, what are you doing later, no game. And, I think the fact that he was married also made him more believable.

    Now, compare that to when some silly "man" told me I was sexy, and then proceeded to follow me around the store. yeah, he was looking for a nut…

    I prefer the first situation.

    As for the cute/adorable ladies, yeah, only puppies, kittens, and babies are cute and adorable. So… you girls gotta get your weight up. lol. j/k.

    • cynicaloptimist81

      Loved the story! And I totally agree with your interpretation of it…

      <blockquote cite="comment-297035">

      N.I.A.naturally: As for the cute/adorable ladies, yeah, only puppies, kittens, and babies are cute and adorable. So… you girls gotta get your weight up. lol. j/k.

      ^^^ So messed up, LOL!

      • http://stillnatural.wordpress.com N.I.A.naturally

        I kid, I kid.

        And please tell me why I put 2 L's in gmail. No wonder my pic wasn't up. lol. I need more coffee.

  • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

    Pass that kush over here…

    So a long time ago, way back before skinny jeans and ice creams was party attire we sat and thought about the difference between cute and sexy. Basically the conversation came down to this, a cute girl will make you warm and fuzzy on the inside, no homo. And a sexy girl will make you want to well let's just say men behaving badly. Now, most men agreed we probably want our chick to be cute before sexy. The chick we wife down that is. If your chick is sexy, she is going to garner a lot of unwanted attention. The cute chick, not really, but people will say, "She's mad pretty". So here we are talking about beauty and sexy. I will tell you this, I think we broke it off and compared the derivative to the integral. Sigh… I think we are comparing the child to the parent. I think there's beautiful and her children are cute and sexy. Now let's go to the game tape…

    Halle Berry in Boomerang… beautiful, cute. in Swordfish… sexy.

    Eva Mendes in EVERYTHANG…. beautiful, sexy.

    Sanaa Lathan in the Best Man… beautiful, cute. in Out of Time… sexy.

    A few people just are always sexy, Nia Long, I like the way she rock her hips, then wave and sip.

    A fistfight broke out over Lauren London vs. Paula Patton. (Two n*ggas started shooting, one n*gga took his shirt off talmbout, "who else wanna f with hollywood Cole?!" … this just my interpretation of the situation..)

    Shorty from the How's It Going Down video, the hair in the bun… sexy, the hair curly… cute.

    Gotta love that Dominican flow, who seen Black in Latin America the other day?

    We got to pushing and shoving over Natalie Portman and ScoJo, but my main point was ScoJo ain't never been sexy to me.

    Then we decided to go home when we decided that never in the history of n*ggadom has anyone thought about breaking Julia Roberts back, but Angelina Jolie though… sheeeeeeeiiit.

    • http://stillnatural.wordpress.com N.I.A.naturally

      Scarlett is sexy. Nothing beautiful about her, but she is hella sexy. Nat in Closer, sexy. Nat in Black Swan, deranged, but cute. lol.

      Lauren is pretty, Paula is sexy and beautiful

      Halle, Nia, and Sanaa, they're everything. I love those 3 women.

    • GirlSixx

      I think you got Sanaa and that Malinda/Matilda Williams chick mixed up — Sanaa wasn't in Soul Food. Brown Sugar/Love&Basketball YES but not Soul Food.

      • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

        Actually I meant Best Man.

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      Sir, I see your invite to fisticuffs and I respectfully decline. As I said in the post, beautiful/sexy/cute/ugly is TOO DAMN SUBJECTIVE for me to be naming names, defending my opinions and slapping away at my keyboard in CAPS and EXCLAMATION MARKS trying to make my point.

      I'm sure one of the younger, less couth savages will fall for this debate trap.

      Good day, sir.

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      "(Two n*ggas started shooting, one n*gga took his shirt off talmbout, “who else wanna f with hollywood Cole?!” … "

      heart you for this. my jammm. lol

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I saw Black in Latin America. It was eye opening. I learnt some thangs. Dark skin is hated across the globe. smh

    • sanen85

      If I was forced or just super tipsy and on year 2 of a drought to choose which woman I'd be with, I'd definitely choose ScarJo over Natalie. She just seems so wooden and lifeless. That said, The Proffesional is one of my favorite movies.

      SN: Sanaa is getting a lot of mentions on the e-streets today.

      • GirlSixx

        "The Proffesional is one of my favorite movies. "

        YOU TOO!!!!???!

        It's not just because of natalie portman I love it for the screenplay/dialogue/scenes basically everythang. No matter what latest movie or reality show is on if showtime/encore or stars is playing it I will change the channel with the quickness to watch it no matter how far in the movie may be because I know it by heart anyways.

    • http://twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

      Funny you bring that Outkast reference…its actually Hollywood Court (according to Big Boi on Twitter literally yesterday)

      • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

        yeah I was gonna mention its actually Court. Someone told me that a couple yrs ago. I thought it was Cole for many years. just like on The 5 Heartbeats his name was Eddie King Jr. but most people say Eddie Kane, cuz thats just how it sounded when he said it! LOL

        • cynicaloptimist81

          <blockquote cite="comment-297223">

          Reecie: …just like on The 5 Heartbeats his name was Eddie King Jr. but most people say Eddie Kane, cuz thats just how it sounded when he said it! LOL

          WOW! LOL! You learn something new everyday! I was def "most people", LOL!

  • Therelucantsocialte

    <blockquote cite="comment-296949">

    Corey: Not exactly. Change of approach doesn’t always signify change of intent or your classification. Men can wait 8 months JUST to smash. Depends on his resolve and how bad he wants it.

    yup. Thats why I don't agree with the 90 day rule. I think it gives women a false sense of security.

    • Core. y

      90 day rule doesn't bother me. At least I'm working with a known and know what I'm getting at the end of a determined waiting period. It's like waiting for my quarterly bonus. I KNOW it's coming and I know what i'm getting. It's just a matter of being patient.

      • cynicaloptimist81

        <blockquote cite="comment-297079">

        Core. y: 90 day rule doesn’t bother me. At least I’m working with a known and know what I’m getting at the end of a determined waiting period. It’s like waiting for my quarterly bonus. I KNOW it’s coming and I know what i’m getting. It’s just a matter of being patient.

        Aaaaand this is precisely why the 90 rule should be a SILENT rule, lol. If you decide to use it, do not tell yo!!! S.ex tends to make some women turn a blind-eye to/excuse things about the guy that should be a stop sign or at least a flag on the play. That's why holding off as long as possible is suggested…and a reasonable suggestion at that…for at least those women.

        • Therelucantsocialte

          Yup… I could agree with that.

      • http://codecipher.blogspot.com MeteorMan

        Yeah. That's basically my approach to sex anyway. I KNOW she's gonna let me smash. It's never a question of IF, but rather WHEN. until then, I'm chillin…

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

    i think your analysis of sexy vs pretty/beautiful is accurate. although if i do find a woman sexy it doesn't automatically mean that the only thing i want from her is s*x. now on the flip side a woman might not be that attractive in the face but she can still be sexy. if i call you beautiful then i really think you are something to behold.

    also, the cute girls don't get any love?

  • E_Brock

    <blockquote cite="comment-297054">

    TWIsM81: Impossible. Estrogen, like alcohol destroys brain cells. *digs own bunker*

    Insert Obligatory "Can we get this on a t-shirt?" Comment Here

    • cynicaloptimist81

      LOL! Ridiculous…

  • E_Brock

    <blockquote cite="comment-296914">

    SmartFoxGirl: 2 dislikes, really? LOL okay…..*patois rant*Is who di bumbo waan dislike weh mi seh? Mi neva seh nuttin wrang. Dem need fi go suck out dem mumma natty drah. Is who waan fi ramp wid bumboclaat mi? Eeeeh? Unno no hav nuttin fi do? Unno waan test mi? Show unno face den nuh? Puss’hole duppy cowaad waan fi walk like dem true. Unno no man. Unno puss’hole bumboclaat fassy who waan juk inna dem batty.CHO!

    Am I the only one who just aroused reading this?

    #dontjudgemdammit

    • sanen85

      *judges*

      Disclaimer: this is sarcasm/a joke. #obvious

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I gave you the thumbs up because I aroused myself. lol

  • http://www.thelowerfrequency.com TheMostInterestingMa

    A few random thought's I've had reading this post:

    1. I do agree there's a difference between being pretty, being sexy, and being beautiful. But just because there are differences between all three doesn't mean you can't be all three at the same time.

    2. I can understand why a woman would be offended at a man she didn't know calling her sexy. At the same time, I don't think men should be afraid of offending women, if what you're saying to her is, for you, 100 % true. Sometimes, offending a woman within the first 2 seconds of meeting her can work, you just have to play it right. Offend her and then give her the best compliment she's ever received in her life. Then, during the ensuing conversation be attentive and funny at the same time. She'll be confused and intrigued, and you can pretty much go where ever you want to go from there.

    3. Alot of yall ladies put too much stock in being hit on. Men hit on women all the time. Just because you get hit on, doesn't mean you're all that and a bag of chips. You might be, but the fact that guys hit on you all the time isn't always the best indicator of how appealing you are to men. We're dogs in that way. Don't get gassed.

    Great Post WIS.

    • sanen85

      1. Cosign

      2. I guess I'm one of those that just isn't bothered by being called sexy. Then again, I'm also one of the few who doesn't get how referring to women as females is offensive (I guess I get how it is for others, just not for me so an explanation is not necessary)

      3. This is something that sometimes you (I) really have to work at reminding yourself (myself). Now, I'm not saying I'm running around looking like Celie (if I am, someone throat punch me), but sometimes I do have to check myself. Just because I work across from the DOC (Department of Corrections for the bougie amongst us) and get hit on CONSTANTLY (no exaggeration), doesn't mean I'm the hottest thing in the nearest 4 counties. It just means these ninjas either just got out and haven't gotten any in a looooong time, nobody will sleep with them due to their broken faces and criminal records, or they're just feeling feisty for the sake of being feisty and inappropriate.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      Next time you sposed to @Kema though. Just FYI, @ em or dap em.

    • Kema

      <blockquote cite="comment-297117">

      TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld: the fact that guys hit on you all the time isn’t always the best indicator of how appealing you are to men.

      Ok since Dr. J says this is about me I will bite. What is a good indicator then?

    • http://www.breakfastatkarens.com Karen

      Hello Most Intersting…

      I've never been offended by any man, one I know and those I don't, calling me sexy. I smile a big smile and say thanks! Just like if a guy gives me the once over and seems pleased with what he sees…I just say to myself…I guess I got my sexxy on today. That's the level of deepness I attach to it. :)

  • CHeeKZ

    WOLFGANG!

    the first odd future reference on this or any other blog. Remember this day people

    • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

      *bows head and puts fist in the air*

  • GirlSixx

    "i think the misconception most women have is that sex changes a man’s mind about them. Nah, I’d say more often than not, a man has already determined what he wants/what type of relationship he’d want with you from jump"

    A Damn Shame!!! I refuse to believe it was always like this, matter of fact I know FOR SURE it wasn't always like this. #JesusWept

    • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

      GS,

      Why is that such a bad thing? Don't you within the first few minutes (likely minute or less) of meeting a guy, know how far the relationship would ever go?

      • GirlSixx

        <blockquote cite="comment-297536">

        TWIsM81: GS,Why is that such a bad thing? Don’t you within the first few minutes (likely minute or less) of meeting a guy, know how far the relationship would ever go?

        Yes. True but what happens with that is if we meet said dude and within those 5 minutes we say to ourselves Never Gonna Get It (EnVogue) what we usually do is put him in the friend zone and let the chips fall where they may (either we remain friends or he vetos friendship status), but what you men do is you see a woman that you are interested in for whateva reason and then you put her in either jumpoff, wifey, LTR, or hit it and quit categories and proceed accordingly without her sometimes knowing.

        Now which one of these 2 are the lesser EVILS???? o__O "I'll take the latter for $400 Alex."

        • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

          I know plenty of women who string men along and don't necessarily let them know they're doing it. You know it's true.

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  • http://www.thirtythoughts.wordpress.com bellatrice1

    Interesting post.

    I am probably different from every girl that has commented in that calling me sexy/beautiful or cute is uninventive flattery. Since I've been called beautiful, sexy, gorgeous and cute, etc. (not to sound vain) throughout my lifetime, a compliment about my personality or intelligence will score way more points than the former. I am still flattered by compliments about my looks, but they are not as meaningful.

    Furthermore, I see the difference between being called beautiful and sexy because I think the same follows with men. Either is great, both is excellent, but for instance, I think Idris Elba is sexy. Would I want to procreate with him??? Ummmm not so much. I think Morris Chestnut is sexy and beautiful (yes, men can be beautiful). Would I want to marry and procreate with him?? Definitely! If someone is just sexy, I think your attraction to them is more physical, but beauty is internal AND external, so I think (and I am speculating) that the writer's asssessment is accurate in stating that men want to wife "beautiful," and bed "sexy." However, I also agree that both terms are based upon how that person feels about you, so a woman who he thought was sexy in the beginning, could become beautiful in his eyes, over time.

  • http://whats-your-legacy.blogspot.com Cathy

    I have to wonder, is it really the way that women are or the state of mind that men are in at the time. I only say this because there have been plenty of times in my life that I would have been "sexy." Then, there have been times I was "beautiful." Funniest part, I would have considered myself "sexy" when I met my husband…but I must have been "beautiful." So, I am wondering if the classification of a woman falls into has more to do with the mindset of the male at the time. (IE, he's not ready to settle down vs he wants a companion) Granted, yes, the clothing, walk, manner of a woman can contribute to the thought process – intentional or unintentional – but I swear, I have been in situations that I would have felt naked, no matter what I was wearing. I actually recently read a book that really kind of made me think of the male mindset. I reviewed it on my blog at http://whats-your-legacy.blogspot.com/2011/04/phi

  • http://www.twitter.com/_RenaissanceMan Jason Johnson

    I agree with this completely and say the same thing now and again. Females don't know that being "sexy" just means we want sex with you and to keep it moving. But "beauty" equates to me wants more than just sex. So I usually go for sex with the sexy girls, and will keep a good looking girlfriend.

  • http://www.twitter.com/_RenaissanceMan Jason Johnson

    I agree with this completely and say the same thing now and again. Females don’t know that being “sexy” just means we want sex with you and to keep it moving. But “beauty” equates to me wants more than just sex. So I usually go for sex with the sexy girls, and will keep a good looking girlfriend.

  • http://unleashedafter25yrs.tumblr.com/ Ashley

    "For her, sexiness is both an asset and a weakness in attracting men. Filtering through those men who only want sex from her is an exercise in itself, assuming she is even aware that is all they want."

    THAT is the truth…now to read the rest of the article

  • http://unleashedafter25yrs.tumblr.com/ Ashley

    “For her, sexiness is both an asset and a weakness in attracting men. Filtering through those men who only want sex from her is an exercise in itself, assuming she is even aware that is all they want.”

    THAT is the truth…now to read the rest of the article

  • http://www.thetawnilogues.com Tawni

    I have been called both and yes I feel a woman can be all those things and a bag of chips. When a man calls me sexy I don't think he just wants sex and when he calls me a beautiful person that is the best compliment, because it speaks to the well rounded woman I aim to be. It does feel good to hear you are pretty, but like someone else mentioned the "wifey" types embodies more than that. I have seen some chicks with sub par faces but banging shapes and watch men comment on their FB pics and tell them they are so beautiful. I disagree, but hey! I do think people use the terms loosely and for the wrong reasons. Everyone isn't sexy or beautiful, and some are both, or one or other.

  • smdh@uannoyingmen

    And dont get gass that,your,the most interesting man in the world ..your not

  • smdh@uannoyingmen

    <blockquote cite="comment-312120">

    Tawni:
    I have been called both and yes I feel a woman can be all those things and a bag of chips. When a man calls me sexy I don’t think he just wants sex and when he calls me a beautiful person that is the best compliment, because it speaks to the well rounded woman I aim to be. It does feel good to hear you are pretty, but like someone else mentioned the “wifey” types embodies more than that.I have seen some chicks with sub par faces but banging shapes and watch men comment on their FB pics and tell them they are so beautiful. I disagree, but hey! I do think people use the terms loosely and for the wrong reasons. Everyone isn’t sexy or beautiful, and some are both, or one or other.

    I absolutly agree why is these men saying your beautiful to the fungly of girls/women….some women are not sexy nor beautuful but all of a sudden becomes gorgeous? Or beautiful…disgusting

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  • Chella

    "Being sexy isn’t more valuable. Sexy = What you want to f**k. Pretty/Beautiful = What you want to wife." I strongly agree with this statement.

    The difference between beautiful and sexy is that SEXY is defined as a woman with a banging body, a big booty, a small waist and big breasts. A sexy woman is not necessarily a beautiful or pretty woman. A SEXY woman is what any man would love to have sex with. Whereas BEAUTIFUL is defined as the overall aesthetics of a woman – the eyes, lips, nose, cheekbones, hair, skin and nails, eyebrows, etc). It is the overall appearance and facial features that are taken into consideration. It is a woman's characteristics and style, her effortless elegance and sophistication. Beauty is what a man of quality would want to get to know on a mental and physical level rather than just a sexual one.

    Yes, sure a woman can be beautiful and not sexy, but a woman can also be sexy and not beautiful. There are different levels of beauty. There's average, cute, quirky, sexy, pretty, unconventional beauty, gorgeous, stunning, etc. However, BEAUTIFUL is pretty much the full package, while sexy is just based on the physical. If you are physically beautiful with an inner beauty that radiates outward, then you are blessed, but sexy is just that… SEXY = SEX. Bottom line!!!

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  • wendy

    "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" you all are defining beauty and sexiness from your own point of view! How do you define Beauty? how do you define a sexy woman? Everybody thinks differently, and not every men out there have the same taste! for some, a sexy woman can be a 200 pound woman, for others a beautiful girl can be a skinny flat ass girl. SO.. C'mon… Shallow Hal!

  • heather

    just be yourself and the right man will come along.

  • http://disqus.com/krockx Davon

    If im referring to her as "what" i want to _____ then she is still an object and not yet worth my full dedication. If im going to commit im in 1004%

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