Ladies, I was going to try to placate any anger you might have by titling this post How to Survive a Crazy Relationship but let’s keep it real, I don’t date men. Therefore the term ‘Crazy Relationship,’ while all inclusive and less antagonistic, is simply not accurate. Please note that this post is not meant to be misogynist but if you feel like it is, all I can say is “my bad” and you probably just mad cuz you know you crazy. WIM still loves you though.
I happen to like crazy women. I’ve written about some of my experiences with them here and here. Like cigarettes, crazy women aren’t good for your health and I have been trying to give them up for years. In the meantime, I figured I would share some of my patented survival techniques. I hope these easy to follow steps will prevent our male readers from ending up on Snapped or First 48.
5. Avoid Her. The simplest survival tactic is not to engage the enemy in the first place. Once you realize a woman might be crazy it is best to abandon camp and return to the safety of home base. Now you may have to change your phone number, place of residence and find a new job. Sure, this might seem a little expensive but in the long run it’ll be lot cheaper than replacing your car windows and renewing a restraining order year after year.
4. Calm, Crazy, Calm. As a man, you are ill equipped to match the emotional dexterity needed to match the craziness of any woman. Your need to be logical will fail you every time. Your best offense is a good defense, which is why in 98.9% of circumstances no matter how crazy she gets you should remain calm. You have to be the voice of reason.
However, randomly and without warning, during one of her crazy episodes you should out crazy her crazy. This will give you some breathing room and it’ll feel good to get some of that craziness you’ve been holding in out of your system. More importantly, this will keep her on her toes. She doesn’t know if you’re going to react calmly or crazily to whatever she throws at you that particular hour. Over time, this will pacify her craziness because she might not want to risk you going crazy too. She’ll keep some of that excess craziness internalized, where it belongs.
3. Do Not Follow Her Into Crazyville, Population 1. A popular crazy woman tactic is to try to do something to invoke the same level of crazy in you as is all too familiar in her day-to-day life. After all, what you call crazy she calls Tuesday. AVOID THIS AT ALL COST.
Women will attempt to lure you into Crazy Town and you might think you can find your way around but you are mistaken, friend. She has lived in this one-woman village her entire life and there aint a GPS system in the world powerful enough to help you safely navigate the treacherous roads of Crazy Town without grave consequences.
2. People Go Crazy, Not Normal. If for whatever reason you have decided to be with a crazy woman, you need to accept that crazy people don’t go normal. No amount of love, affection, and reasoning is going to make her any less crazy. You need to avoid going crazy right along with her. There is nothing sadder than watching two crazy people having a screaming argument in the middle of a grocery store over white or wheat bread. We have lost a lot of formerly sane, good men to this battle.
1. Seek Jesus. My friendgirl actually recommended this one when I told her about this post. Like most women, she believes you shouldn’t deal with a crazy woman in the first place. But hey, haters gonna hate.
You can’t control matters of the heart and if you found love in arms that happened to be attached to a crazy woman, what can you do? That’s why a strong relationship with Jesus couldn’t hurt. Besides, you’re going to need someone to confide in after your friends start ignoring you around the 25th time you text them “This [female dog] is crazy! I’m done!! I’m for real leaving her this time!!!”
Are you a crazy person? Have/are you dated/dating a crazy person? WHY?!? Have any additional tips, questions, comments, concerns?
Lastly, don’t forget to nominate SBM in the Black Weblog Awards. Targeted categories for us include Best Design, Best Group Blog, Best Sex and Relationship Blog, Best Lifestyle Blog, Best Blog Post Series (Please use THIS URL), and Blog of the Year. Thanks in advance for your support!