Home About Me Don’t call me sweetheart!

Don’t call me sweetheart!

212

Summer in New York City is unlike any other place on Earth. The city that never sleeps gets better weather, more daylight hours, and double the events. Last weekend was no different. A plethora of events engulfed the 5 boroughs that would constitute a holiday weekend in other places. We had Hot 97 Summer Jam, First Saturdays in Brooklyn, Greek Events, Freak Events, you name it, it was here. I hit the town with my peoplez Saturday to peruse a few of these events, and enjoy a nice summer evening doing hoodrat things with my friends. Little did I know that tonight would end up becoming a lesson on communication.

One of my boys had an impromptu house party. It was impromptu, because he literally moved there 2 days prior, and “lowkey” invited a few people who were in the area to stop by while he figured out the next move. About 20 minutes later, he had about triple the amount of people he invited in the crib! This is why you can’t play pass the message with everyone. I was one of the stragglers, but never mind that. We’re all sensible people so it was a cool 10-15 minute meet n greet / pit stop to our next move.

As I was leaving the house, a young lady was bidding people farewell as they walked out the door. I saw her and bid her adieu as we were ready for our next move. As I was walking out, the following exchange ensued:

Her: I’m sorry, I just realized I’m saying bye without getting your name

Me: Wow I didn’t even realize! My name is ______. What’s your name sweetheart.

Her: …

Have you ever felt like you wish you could take something you said back the MINUTE you say it? It was like I saw the words in physical form leaving my mouth, and I couldn’t grab them in time before they hit the air and made noise. Homegirl actually made the “O_o” face! I was astonished.  Her reaction reminded me of one of my favorite video games:



 

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MH0FUMkJLXA for email subscribers]

I looked at her face and mind you, this moment lasted like 2 seconds, I thought she was going to black out on me, but instead she calmly replied “Well my name’s not sweetheart, my name is ______, but how are you?”

LOL

Now, as my friends looked from afar, having walked up further thinking I was right behind them, they gazed upon the stoop and witnessed the exchange. They knew that a heavy conversation was about to take place. I had to leave, but the intrigue in her small, but poignant statement, made me want to continue the conversation…

Me: What’s wrong with the word sweetheart? I call my mom and sisters sweetheart all the time and they’re not offended.

Her: *Stepping outside* Let me explain why… and I won’t front this is the feminist in me coming out, but think about it like this: When you first met your boss, you didn’t call him/her “Jack” or “Kate”, you called them “Mr or Mrs so-n-so”.  I feel the same way about you calling me pet names. We don’t really know each other like that, y’know?

Me: I feel you. I use those phrases as terms of endearment and didn’t mean no disrespect.  *daps and runs to friends before she can ask follow-up questions*

Now, I had an idea where she was going with her “My name’s not sweetheart” dialogue, but I was interested to see how she articulated her point. I’ve seen a lot of discussion on the net recently regarding women and what they want to be called. There’s been a few articles on calling women “females” and how more women than I thought had an issue with that phrase.

As I reflected on that conversation, it made me think about the power of words and how I wield said power. I think back to all the women whom I bestow pet names, whether I know them or not. Sweetheart is a phrase I use often, and usually, when I feel comfortable with a person, I’ll call them something other than their name. I mean, with my close guys friends I’ll say my dude, my G, fam, son, dun, and any other slang term known to man. They never get offended. They never say I’m calling them out their name. Whether I know them or not, doesn’t seem to be a factor, so why would women be upset at the same treatment?

Then I thought about the WAYS in which terms like sweetheart are used.  I tried to look at it from her eyes, and if I was a woman, I might be upset if a random guy called me “baby” or “sweetheart”. Those type of pet names are used for little girls as much as they are used for grown women, and that might be seen as a put down. I might feel like a man was trying to demean or control me, to “put me in my place and keep me there”, by using a potentially sexist remark, and I might want to address it. So I definitely get that side of the argument.

You also have to take into consideration the sensitivity level of the woman. There are some women who Kanye Shrug at any pet names because they don’t affect them in that manner. They see it for what it is and cosign. There are other women who will tear you to shreds if you use call them a chick, broad, toots, or any name other than their own. This is why sensitivity training is so clutch for any place of employment.

Finally, not all female sorry had to use it in this case cause women aint sound good opposition to pet names should be shrugged off as “Feminism” either. Some dudes look at feminist beliefs at extremes and don’t really grasp the entirety of the ideology. Sometimes, women just don’t want to be called anything but their names!

When I use pet names, I don’t mean it as a put down. It has and always been a term of endearment. I hate that I have to walk on eggshells at times talking to people, and being prejudged for the terms I use, especially when I mean well. However, situations like the weekend showed me that my perception of affection could be another’s perception of disrespect.

 

 

 

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Comment(212)

  1. Definitely liked this post. Pet names irk me, unless its something that was established as we became more familiar with each other. I prefer one closer associated to my own name rather than generics. But, sweetheart doesn't always bother me, its really a case by case basis. Scenario and tone play a big role. But overall, the easiest way to solve that is to use body language instead. It speaks volumes.

  2. I love pet names. But you need to know the person and it has to be the right context. Babe, chicken, darling etc are Cosy when used with a friend you're tight with.

    1. LMAOOOO @ Chicken!

      I agree with the ladies on this. I love pet names when they come from ppl I know and guys i find cute. #judgemeifumust lol If I find you attractive I will let it slide. Now if you ugly keep that shyt to your damn self! #amjustsaying

      1. Good point… You brought up attractiveness & I will bring up social status…

        If Trey Songz or Chris Brown says it, it is endearing & definitely welcomed…

        But if someone who is not as attractive or of high social status… it is offensive #MissMeWithThat…

        That is why I say what I want… and if there is no real repercussions behind it… I won't think twice about it…

      2. Its funny you bring this up, and I purposely left it off, because I wanted yall to touch on it.

        Pause

        I think women make that concession of pet names if a dude is attractive to them. Its more acceptable because it cosigns that they are attractive (to them). An ugly dude says it and you're appalled because you wonder why cuter dudes didnt use the same terminology.

        <a href ="http://www.singleblackmale.org/2010/08/04/ugly-dudes-stay-winnin/&quot; rel="nofollow">Then again Ugly dudes stay winnin, so what do I know?

        1. OH she thought he was attractive because she actually was trying to holler but was thrown off by him calling her sweetheart!

  3. . I went off on one dude because he called me Babe in a text, not because I was offended. I just don't think pet names should not be used early on in a relationship (day 2 of us talking. Dude was rushing it) If an older male I respected used the term there wouldn't be a problem. Random guy calls me "babe" or "shawty" he will be ignored. It just depends on the person and your relationship with them.

    1. Agreed. Pet names too early allude to an intimacy that isn't there yet and lull you into a false sense of familiarity and comfort. I think many men know this and that's why they're so free with the pet names. Not all, but many. We, or I should say, I melt a lil bit when I'm called by a pet name, be it babe or Buster, I'm not trying to melt for a stranger or water down something that has meaning by using it with just anybody.

      And it does feel a bit diminutive and/or objectifying, certainly insincere when it's coming from an unknown man.

      1. I’m not trying to melt for a stranger or water down something that has meaning by using it with just anybody

        ^^^^^ Cosign

      2. <blockquote cite="comment-314775">

        Starita34: Pet names too early allude to an intimacy that isn’t there yet and lull you into a false sense of familiarity and comfort. I think many men know this and that’s why they’re so free with the pet names.

        Star, you are sooooo right with this one…lol. I dated this guy once that started calling me "sweetie" and "love" right way. I told him that he probably calls everyone that, so it didn't mean much to me. He swore up and down that he didn't… that it was just for me.

        About a month later, I told him I felt like things were moving too fast and that we were acting too "relationship-y". I thought we needed to back up a bit, get some perspective and figure out what we were doing. He asked what I meant. I mentioned the fact that we talked several times a day, checked in with eachother constantly, and were already doing the whole "pet names" thing. He said "What's the problem??? I call everybody 'sweetie'."

        Booooooo!!!!! lol 🙂

        Anyway, to address the post, It really doesn't seem genuine if a I guy that I've just started seeing starts calling me pet names right away. It kind of makes them seem like a bit of a player…

        But if its any other guy, I guess it doesn't bother me that much for the most part. Its kind of endearing, I guess. So… it all depends on the situation.

        1. yeah I was annoyed recently when a guy called me "luv" too soon but its cuz I aint like him like that–I'ma keep it real!

          but babe is another I'd only use for my true "babe" I still think in the context of the story sweetheart wasnt' so bad…

      3. Yep. There are some men who try to make you feel special with words instead of actions, and this is one of their main techniques. Trying to get a woman to leap without looking first so you don't notice the guy is critically damaged. *cough**wifey**cough*

    2. "I just don’t think pet names should not be used early on in a relationship (day 2 of us talking."

      I have to agree with this. Calling me "babe" too early will get you an automatic o_O.

  4. Great post! Being from the south, pet names like sweetheart, honey, and the like are thrown around frequently. I let my elders (anyone over 60) get a pass with those names but anyone else gets a side eye and a snappy response. I agree with these pet names being reserved for children and I feel that a certain level of respect be given to me especially when first meeting me. I am not your honey, baby, sweety, etc. so do not refer to me as such.

  5. 1) I've never really been comfortable with people referring to women as "females". Then again, something like "those males were trying to get my number" would sound equally odd to me.

    2) I hadn't put much thought into it before, but I actually don't fancy pet names from guys I've just met. Guys don't always enjoy it when women they recently met start automatically referring to them as "hun," so it's not just a woman thing. I'm fond of pet names as well, but they usually do not escape my lips until we've established some form of rapport beyond that first encounter.

    3) Truth be told, most of the guys that women come across who use terms like "sweetheart," "darling," etc right off the bat are the type who are steady trying to get numbers and disturb their peace. That makes it harder for the guy who means no harm or has no such intention, because the former have already left a bad taste in their mouth. Just because it's SBM, throw a pause right there.

    1. Guys don’t always enjoy it when women they recently met start automatically referring to them as “hun,”

      When has a guy ever seen a guy say that? Men don't sweat small stuff like that. Please…. A dude would never c0ckbl0ck himself.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314824">

        CHeeKZ:

        A dude would never c0ckbl0ck himself.

        A woman callin me luv, hun, boo, babe early does irritate me … MAINLY when it comes from a woman who has no serious interest in me. Although, i won't verbally cockblock myself, instead i'll just mentally "smh".

        1. One of my male friends actually said before that he dislikes women he isnt interested in calling him pet names…His argument is that it gives the impression that more is going on between him and the lady than what really is….

        2. @QueenBinthestreets

          that negro is being a little b!tch. Over analyzing a situation in not wavey. She called you a name, the ho3 probably isn't even interested in your insecure friend.

        3. <blockquote cite="comment-314974">

          CHeeKZ:

          @QueenBinthestreets

          that negro is being a little b!tch.Over analyzing a situation in not wavey.She called you a name, the ho3 probably isn’t even interested in your insecure friend.

          LOL, i wouldn't have used those exact words but pretty much this was the exact thought running through my head. I know i call guys hun, boo, all the time and rarely does it ever mean anything other than i don't feel like saying your name. Some people start thinking way too hard with this.

    1. lol. I wasn't even talking about those who do get that kinda play, but they're a factor as well. When it's at that level, though, women can be equally generous with the term. Right now, we're considering first encounters.

  6. Sorry ladies, you're getting some absurd nickname after our first conversation longer than 5 minutes together. Whatever notable characteristic I can pinpoint, will be used.

    1. If it's customized, that's as adorable as two teddy bears saving orphaned puppies from cotton candy rain drops to the sound of baby giggles.

  7. I used them all of the time. I heard of people getting offended but I'm not even sure why. I'm not trying to degrade or strip their power away. Well you'll never know unless you try. They might like it or not. Don't stop because of that one person. Just figure out the person AFTER you do it…

  8. This post reminded me of my first visit to NYC. I'm from the south… And majority of guys may say "lil mama" or "baby." But when I heard the guys call me "sweetheart" in New York, I was cheesing from ear to ear. I smiled even more because they said it with their NY accent. I was young… Sue me.

    I agree with Elle. It just depends on the person. I don't like for women to call me honey at work. Call me by my last name. I'm not your child. If it's a guy I'm not interested in, I may feel some kind of way (not really; I'll keep it moving). If he appears to be a decent guy, I won't be offended.

    1. "Miss Lady" makes me grin like a Cheshire cat. I don't know why-actually I do, but I'm not tellin ya'll.

  9. It depends on the situation i guess. I call people "pet names" all the time (but i guess its different since im a girl). A lot of the time its because im trying to play off that i don't know their name, especially being in this Greek world where everyone seemed to know who u were.

    "Sweetheart" and "Ma" are pretty generic to me. As long as you say it in a tone that doesn't make me feel like you've already undressed me with your eyes and sexed me in 3 different positions in your mind then we're good to go. I don't see anything demeaning or belittling in the terms. Now words like baby, boo, etc are a little bit more intimate to me. I would be feel some kind of way about being called boo by someone i don't know and/or don't like

  10. Wow. I didn't realize women got offended by such. I ADORE pet names!

    To be sure, from a stranger, I prefer "sweetheart", "ma'am" (doesn't make me feel old), or any other respectable pet names.

    I despise cat calls, "baby" (only from an SO), or "girl"…PERIOD….even from a female friend do I hate the word "girl"

    I love "babe" in text format from a dear friend or love interest, and in verbal format only from an SO.

    I am liberal with "hun" even with female friends.

    I am guilty of having called all my Korean students (from Kindergarden to 70 years old) "sweetie" when I taught there, which they got a kick out of, because there was no way in the world I would have remembered all their names…which they take personally! SMH

    And finally, I loove when friends, strangers, men, women, boy, or girl "petify" my own name, which is very easy to do, b/c it's a common name with 3 syllables and it's spelled differently…so I've heard it all, and I love the creativity…I really love my name because of that.

    So, in short, as long as I'm not being cat called, called "baby" by a stranger, or "girl" by anybody, I say bring on the pet names!!! And for me, everyone is "sweetie" and "hun"!!

    1. And of course, being Haitian, I got my own HOUSE name, which only my closest friends know about, and I blush every time that name is used outside the HOUSE.

      So, Streetz, I know you've got a house name that only ur fam calls u.

      Mwen comprende, cherie!!!

      1. With the house name, I don't even like anyone but my family calling me that because I blush. My friends are not allowed to call me by my house names lol

      2. So you just gonna put the islands business out there huh? smh.. No one knows my Haititan House Name, and it's staying that way!! LMAOOOOO

        Mwen pa gayen sa #swindle

        1. What's all this house name business….lol….I bet it's a name that addresses your very worst trait or some such…am I right?

        2. <blockquote cite="comment-314800">

          QueenT:

          What’s all this house name business….lol….I bet it’s a name that addresses your very worst trait or some such…am I right?

          Semi correct dear… Its usually a play on names or the Creole remix of your name(creole is the native tongue of Haiti). All Haitians know we have one, and if you go to a Haitians persons house, especially as a kid, the parents/grandparents will use it in front of whoever.

          The roasts were legendary. LOL

          Mine has stayed hidden for 3 decades ahajhaha

    2. I guess we're in the minority today b/c I'm definitely with you on the pet names… bring em on. I use them all the time so I guess I expect them to be used w/ me as well. Possibly my upbringing but 'sweetie' 'hun' 'dearheart' all are apart of my daily lexicon. *shrugs*

      Of course when a man applies it greezily trying to get my number or something that's no bueno but in casual conversation… why not? Like Tash, I despise 'girl' coming from grown men and I will laugh loudly if you use 'babygirl' but other than that… we're pretty much straight. I never thought about pet names making men feel awkward… no one has ever said anything to me about it so I guess I'll continue on until someone has an issue.

      1. Yes I like pet names (that are used respectfully in the right setting) especially from a sexy man with a southern accent … Sheesh

      2. I think I called soflyy Toots or Broad when i first met her. The ciroc redberry helped me slip those in without gettin snoopd upside my head, lololol

        Thats the homie tho!!

  11. I'm one of the ones who take it for what it is, especially if you don't know my name.  I'm still young so I don't want anyone calling me Ms. TellylongLegs when I'm out and about. Now, if I'm in the workplace, depending on the type of professional relationship I have with my male co-workers, I wouldn't want to be called by any pet name.

  12. Wow I never thought it was that serious. If say sweetheart it's because I asking "what's your name sweetheart" then I call you by your name, and I say it with the upmost respect. If I said yo b#tch what's your name then all hell would brake loose. *true story* I met this girl in college, I said nice to meet you(me bein a gentlemen) I went to kiss her hand she flips out I don't like that soft sh*t you punk, im speechless so I just drop it(plus I pick my face off the floor) at the end of the semester, I see her and her boyfriend yells hey b*tch get yo @ss over here, she goes ok baby I coming….go figure

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314787">

      Mix:

      *true story* I met this girl in college, I said nice to meet you(me bein a gentlemen) I went to kiss her hand she flips out I don’t like that soft sh*t you punk, im speechless so I just drop it(plus I pick my face off the floor) at the end of the semester, I see her and her boyfriend yells hey b*tch get yo @ss over here, she goes ok baby I coming….go figure

      wow!!

      all i gotta say…

      1. It bothers to this very day, I'm still in awe, when I think about it. That f*ck me up for life I think that changed me a little bit

        1. Mix, that says, alot about her state of mind..chalk that one up to someone who wasn't used to being treated respectfully…its actually kinda sad.

        2. You know queen, you're right I try to keep that in mind…but it's the story of my life maybe not to the extreme of my story but in some capacity

    2. Ha ha ha…had a similar experience, but not as extreme as that. Took a woman out on a date back in college while on winter break. We're walking to the car and I, as I usually always do, go and open her car door for her (you know, got to apply that Bronx Tale "test", lol). Anyway, she looks at me all kinds of crazy like, "What are you doing? That's weird, I've never had anyone open a door for me before." with a straight stank eye. Apparently she didn't appreciate the gesture of good chivalry. *shrugs*

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314897">

        Larry: Ha ha ha…had a similar experience, but not as extreme as that. Took a woman out on a date back in college while on winter break. We’re walking to the car and I, as I usually always do, go and open her car door for her (you know, got to apply that Bronx Tale “test”, lol). Anyway, she looks at me all kinds of crazy like, “What are you doing? That’s weird, I’ve never had anyone open a door for me before.” with a straight stank eye. Apparently she didn’t appreciate the gesture of good chivalry. *shrugs*

        And this is exactly why chivalry is dying a fast death because women who aren't accustomed to it react negatively, so instead of just chalkin their ignorance up to lack of social upbringing and just smile and say "Thank You" they lash out and catch attitudes.

  13. i don't mind pet names myself but i have noticed men get sensitive about those too!!! da*mn! a chick (we same age, early 20's) once called a dude sweety (she uses those terms with everybody) and he turned to stone then proceeded to tell her how much he didn't appreciate it. the whole room was quiet until after he left. you woulda thought she'd given him the 'black men ain't sh!t' speech…

    so, why do men hate pet names? the ones who hate 'em…

  14. It's good that you took time to try and understand her point of view, Streetz. At least you came out with a better understanding.

    I think in some situations men use those terms to try and marginalize women. And women have become sensitive to it.

    Me, personally…I've never used pet names. I feel the same way "shawty" felt. I'll ask a "female" quick, "Who is this boo/babe person you keep referring to?" I don't do it and so I expect the same in return.

  15. I definitely dont like being called pet names by anyone who is not close to me or isnt romantically involved with me. Like Elle and Starita said, it gives a sense of familiarity that is not there or should not be there. It also doesnt help that in my experiences it has always been the psychotic men who get TOO familiar early on calling me pet names and pretending like we are dating, when we only went to Taco Bell on our lunch break!!….excuse that semi-tangent

    Also, I know for me personally, while Im not a feminist at all, there is just something about being called "baby" that makes me feel coddled, or that Im viewed as being weak. HATE IT! I just downright prefer my given name to any other alternative if you don't know me and I dont know you. I think a name signifies the intimacy between the adressor and addressee, and if there is no pre-existing relationship then Im gonna need you to get like the IRS and call me by my government or an appropriate title such as Miss, ma'am, I will even take lady. Then again that is just me I dont even like when people I met 20 seconds ago refer to me by some variation of my nickname (that will get you the o_O too) If I introduce myself as "Samantha", PLEASE dont call me Sammie or Sam in the next few minutes there after.

    I would suggest to all men to avoid using terms of endearment to women you dont even know or just met. At least allow some time so that you can gauge the woman and what she is comfortable with. Some women don't mind, others feel like it is objectifying, or demeaning them early on. It's really a hit or miss (with me, a miss). Besides you don't want to call a woman "Sweetheart" or "baby" then after getting to know her find out that she really couldn't be farther from such and probably doesn't even deserve to be referenced to as a lady!!

    BTW If you call me a "Female" I will look at you like you are a straight goon with a mouth full of gold, Tall tee and a third eye -gross!

    1. You know whats crazy? Im from NYC. In my era, we called men "baby" too. I still do (usually in a sports setting or in a celebratory manner). We were having a conversation about how that is never "paused" thats always been acceptable. Its hilarious now.

      New ninjas be sayin that Baiii shyt now. They gotta get that teh fcuk outta here tho! LMAO

      1. Really? ya'll call men "baby" out there PAUSE lol j/k. Its funny how different regions choose to address others I thought ya'll called everybody "Son" up in NYC lol.

        Im used to the "Excuse me miss" in OH but when I got down to FL all I heard was "Aye Redbone" all day ugghhhh Lol

      2. as a complete side note.. Streetz you were right. NYC was popping last weekend. Felt like everyone had something jumping.

  16. You can call me "sweetheart" anytime you want Streetzie! However, I prefer "Queen"…lol….it depends on who is complementing me..I am going to be real honest…if it's a guy that is unattractive to me….I am going to probably side-eye…if it's a nice looking man, I will probably just let him get away with it…I mean "sweetheart" is pretty mild in comparison to names like "red-bone", "shawty"…and ignorant names like that..but, I can let a "sweetheart" or a "babe" slide……it's not that serious.

    1. “sweetheart” is pretty mild in comparison to names like “red-bone”, “shawty”…and ignorant names like that..

      AGREE! chocolate, sexy, thickness etc. hate em!

      1. But a handsome ninja can get away with calling you 'Dark Butt'?

        That is why I can't even respect that opinion. If you aren't going to apply the rule equally its an ass real just hating on dudes.

        #fatniggahating

        1. Das a Martin Lawrenc Jerome type comment….**In Jerome Voice** "What's up thickness!"

  17. You called her "sweetheart" while asking her for her real name. Not while she was passing you at your construction site and you were whistling. I know you and your delivery, because I've seen you work before Streetz, and I will be the first to say that she was wilding. Other than that, this post was mixxie.

  18. Ladies, I have a question:

    Those of you who are anti-pet name – do you make a differentiation between pet names and nicknames?

    I've always been big on both pet names and on giving nicknames – especially if the name your mama gave you has like 8 syllables. When I'm first meeting someone, if we get into a conversation that I'm really enjoying, a "sweetheart" or a "shorty" is going to slip out at some point. And if I'm really enjoying it, and I want to remember your name, there's a good chance I'm going to ask you what people call you for short, or suggest my own nickname for you. In my experience, every time I've ever done that it's helped break the ice and create a certain level of comfort which typically leads to a more interesting conversation.

    1. I think its a lot of pick and choose and depends on how you come off with them. Ive seen dudes who women find attractive hol conversations and thow pet and nicknames out there and watched chicks giggle and think nothing of it, I think its levels to it, IDK

    2. You gotta know someone to give them a nickname, so that makes them more special. I don't really get worked up over pet names, but I do admit they seem a bit condescending to me, depending on the circumstance. Someone my own age calling me "hun" will have me o__O too.

      Oh and in terms of "females," I think women get upset over this one because it seems disrespectful. You're putting a woman in the same category as a rat, if you think about it. Obviously I don't think everyone goes through this exact train of thought, but the connotation just isn't as positive as "woman" or "lady."

  19. I don't mind pet names, at all I take them with a grain of salt. I don't really put any special thought into them depending on how long I've known the dude. One of my friends calls me "Dear" which is annoying as hell, but other than that I don't see the problem. Of course unless your just being a condescending prick.

    But since you mention it I've never used them with guys I'm not in a relationship with. I don't use them freely outside of my family and friends.

  20. LOL in this situation she was being a little .. crabby

    I take it in a situation by situation basis, I dont think it was as serious as she made it all she had to say was in a nice tone, " well you cant call me sweetheart, but u can call me _________ cause that my name. If she wanted Streetz to call her MRs. She should have showed the same respect and called him MR.

    When older men over 55 say sweetheart or honey same with old ladies i dont take it in a negative way. But when dudes in the street are yelling "ayo Ma" or "Hey Sweetie" look cat calls I do not respond.

    And unless you are my friend (referring to girls) dont call me honey especially in that bird ass tone. I will let it slide once then kindly tell you my name again.

    To me it all depends on the situation and level of respect the man is showing me, I gauge those things and decide from there if I should go all "sister soulja" or politcally correct short sweet response.

  21. I don't see the big deal. She was being sweet. "I don't know you're name and I'm saying bye" was a cute exchange.
    Me, I would've been grinning so hard, thinking he thinks I'm sweet. Baby or babe would've bothered me though and I don't like when people use the term females either.
    Once a guy I didn't know called me curls and tossed a stand of my hair with his finger. *swoon* Maybe it got me bc it was personalized.

  22. i kinda get where you're coming from. usually when i meet a female for the first time, i say 'ma'am' until there is more comfort in our exchanges.

    (and yes…i say 'female' in my normal, erryday speech. along with 'male'. *shrugs*)

  23. Good post. I'm from Texas, so I pretty much end everything with "mam" or "ma." Some women find this offensive until I explain where I'm from and that's just how I talk and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to change how I was born and raised for some random female.

    Wait. We can't call females "females"?

    No-sign.

    1. Nope you can't. It's not a good look to call males "males" and females "females." But I don't care since I use those terms in reference to hypothetical people.

      For real, I think it's boils down to how it's used. Funny, I've seen males call females "female" as a placeholder for "b*tch." Maybe that's why… But wait, I know females that have called males "male" as a placeholder for "n*gga." Just saying I'll throw that out there…

  24. I address women I don't know as ma'am.

    Streetz…your from the DC right?. You should know "Sweetie" is right up there with "Ay Girl!" and "What's Up Lightskin!" on the list of don't say it. ROFL These brawds aint havin it. LOL

    But ma'am indicates maximum respect. Also indicates that just cause I'm speakin doesn't mean I want your phone number. Also has the added advantage of making you look like a square even if you're pimp of the year.

    Once I hit…..I may refer to her as baby. LOL

    Oh and I use females on this site often. To me it's the appropriate word if I'm talkin human beings with [email protected] LOL Don't know what else I'm supposed to say.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314809">

      il Duce the Grand Nagus…..Commentary So Dangerous it Must Be Deleted:

      Oh and I use females on this site often.To me it’s the appropriate word if I’m talkin human beings with [email protected]’t know what else I’m supposed to say.

      apparently, you're supposed to call 'em "women". which is funny, because i've grown up hearing that just because a male has a p***s doesn't make him a man….so i personally just applied the same logic to the opposite gender *shrug*

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-314809">

      il Duce the Grand Nagus…..Commentary So Dangerous it Must Be Deleted: Oh and I use females on this site often. To me it’s the appropriate word if I’m talkin human beings with [email protected] LOL Don’t know what else I’m supposed to say.

      You could try women. Just a thought…

      1. You know the thing is…….I think men switched to sayin "females" in 90s because if you start any sentence off sayin "women" it offends people.

        I think now sayin "females" is actually havin the same effect that sayin "women" use to have.

        The real bottom line is "females" or "women" don't like it when you speak about them in general terms. But it is necessary sometimes.

      1. Oh OK. I vote yall stop that "Ma" ish. I always hated that joint. LOL Seriously…just somethin about that joint don't sit right wit me.

  25. @Mix: that IS awful. I've had my hand kissed a few times by strangers and sometimes it can come across as creepy. I guess it just depends on how and where it's done.

    1. I understand that the kissing hand thing is not everyone's cup of tea, but at least respect that I came at you with respect

  26. <blockquote cite="comment-314787">

    Mix:
    *true story* I met this girl in college, I said nice to meet you(me bein a gentlemen) I went to kiss her hand she flips out I don’t like that soft sh*t you punk, im speechless so I just drop it(plus I pick my face off the floor) at the end of the semester, I see her and her boyfriend yells hey b*tch get yo @ss over here, she goes ok baby I coming….go figure

    …wow. excuse me as I pick my jaw up off the floor lol

  27. Im realizing more and more that females have a lot of issues with a lot of things. I remember posting somewhere asking what exactly should a call a woman nowadays. Bc if I don't know your name and need/want to get your attention how should I address you? Ma'am? That's been a problem and makes some women feel old. Lady? That just sounds rude. Shorty/Ma? Of course thats a problem. My ex girl even thought Miss was disrespectful, which I actually thought was the most respectful way to address a woman… I'm kinda glad I'm almost off the market but its much less stress when u don't have to tip toe around ppls feelings and request.

    1. Lady sounds rude? Thats the first I've heard! I like being called lady, makes me smile on the inside like "Oh you recognized too!" Lol

      and Miss can never be disrespectful, its funny that your ex said that….so how did you approach her if you don't mind me asking

  28. "Females" is often used when making generalized statements about women. Most often it's something negative. So of course we have negative connotations with it unless we're in a biology course or something. The sort of context I always hear it in is females these days don't appreciate this or that or these females out here are all ugly (actually they wouldn't be saying that if I were there lol) When I hear women use it it sounds something like these females are always hatin'. It's never look at this beautiful female.
    A friend in high school wrote me a letter and she addressed it to female. Rubbed me the wrong way.

    1. Agreed. For the most part, when I've heard someone say female they're about to say something spiteful, especially if it's a woman speaking. The girl who "can't stand females" comes to mind. And for some reason, the person says it with this really hateful tone in their voice. Like, "fee-males".

      From guys, it just gives me the sense that they are rather unevolved in how they think about women.

  29. Calling a female sweetheart is something I've really noticed every time I'm in NYC… That's the only place where I don't get the screw face. I'm not a fan of pet names or nicknames. I may toss them in a relationship or with my girlfriends "thanks hun" but within minutes of talking to each other? Naw.

    And nicknames? Calling me Ash will get you cut unless you're special to me. Why everybody thinks it's appropriate to call me that after 1 conversation is beyond me.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314816">

      Little Miss Sunshine: Calling me Ash will get you cut unless you’re special to me. Why everybody thinks it’s appropriate to call me that after 1 conversation is beyond me.

      Lol that's exactly what I was saying above, I too dislike when people try to shorten my name after just meeting me, my name is only 3 syllables long, its not that tiring to spit out until we become more familiar

  30. <blockquote cite="comment-314795">

    Streetz:

    So you just gonna put the islands business out there huh? smh.. No one knows my Haititan House Name, and it’s staying that way!! LMAOOOOO

    Mwen pa gayen sa #swindle

    lolll, Nou laden tou !! Toute Haitian sé mème ! loll

  31. What do guys like to be called? I've said "mister" and have gotten the side eye a few times and one guy in particular said will you quit that.

    1. I use Mister as well… but only if you're kind of special, otherwise I use "Hey U…" which can be cute too if said with the right tone and/or bbm smiley character if texting it.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-314821">

      krystllyght: have gotten the side eye a few times and one guy in particular said will you quit that.

      Did he explain why? I used "Mister" in certain instances without any backlash.

    3. <blockquote cite="comment-314821">

      krystllyght: What do guys like to be called? I’ve said “mister” and have gotten the side eye a few times and one guy in particular said will you quit that.

      I've literally had a couple of men "ask" me to call them Mandingo…..LOL you know where they were going with that!

  32. Good post! Sweetheart doesn’t really bother me but all pet names usually make me cringe a little when they come from men I don’t know or just met. Definitely co-signing the familiarity argument. If your tone is respectful I’ll chalk it to the game and let it slide unless you call me baby. Thats for a select few to use. The only pet name that will get you mollywhopped is the term Red…a pet name for a Delta. I HATE that. *scrunches up face in disgust*

    1. At my school, the way they say "Epsilon" sounds like "female"……woohooo its never good when they guys decided to just refer to them as such because they say it with so much attitude….dont know what thats about

  33. Hmmm….well I know you're a pretty polite dude, so I wouldn't have given you the o_O. I may have cringed just a teeny tiny bit on the inside…but that's about it.

    I definitely rock with the T.I. notion of "you don't know me" so the boos, baby, babes, honey…all that sh*t should not come from a perfect stranger. Hell, if we don't have a rapport (as in we just met a week ago) save it! In my mind it just means you call every woman that, so the words have no weight as far as being a pet name.

    Also, if you're approach is all wrong and you're yelling "Hey shorty!" or "Damn boo, what's up?" as I walk by…yeah…not feeling it

  34. Hmm, interesting post. I've never thought about strangers using pet names. I think in the case described in the post, it was a simple gesture of politeness and not an assumption that he had authority in her life to call her what he wanted.

    To be highly offended is a bit much. If you feel that he's using "babe" and "love" out of disinterest in learning your name, that's a different story. That's a lack of respect.

  35. yeah… was one of those who wrote a "female" article. and i appreciated SBM (the actual SBM) for correcting himself when talking about his gf. your gf, a female? no bueno. lol. in context, it sounds all wrong.

    anyhoo… i don't mind sweetheart, in the right context. just don't touch me while you're saying it. lol

    "baby" though? i will immediately curb whatever exchange was going on and ask who this baby is you're referring to. no. unless we're on a certain level with each other, thou shall not call me baby, babe, boo … none of that.

    glad you took the time to understand her perspective though. good job.

  36. yeah… i was one of those who wrote a "female" article. and i appreciated SBM (the actual SBM) for correcting himself when talking about his gf. your gf, a female? no bueno. lol. in context, it sounds all wrong.

    anyhoo… i don't mind sweetheart, in the right context. just don't touch me while you're saying it. lol

    "baby" though? i will immediately curb whatever exchange was going on and ask who this baby is you're referring to. no. unless we're on a certain level with each other, thou shall not call me baby, babe, boo … none of that.

    glad you took the time to understand her perspective though. good job.

  37. I can't stand for a woman (or man, for that matter) to call me anything but my name. Hearing "Hun" or "sweetie" just irks me because I feel like she's talking down to me. And I feel like pet names point to a general lack of respect. I never bought into people being "bad" with names. I told you my name; respect me enough to remember it and use it.

  38. <blockquote cite="comment-314825">

    krystllyght:
    @livelovesing: I thought red was a skin tone reference.

    It is but some D9 Greeks will also refer to Deltas as Reds because the sorority colors are crimson and cream. Any variation of it gets under my skin lol baby red, sexy red, lil red… O_o to all of it lol.

  39. I'm sorry but this is some bullsh!t. You calling her sweetheart in passing offended her feminist sensibilities? Get the f*ck outta here. Did you speak to her in a disrespectful way? Grab her titties as you said it? Pat her on the head? Put her over your knee? I know you didn't so what is the problem? I don't see why the sweetheart can't just be taken in the context it was delivered – you being friendly.

    Maybe it's because I call everyone love, honey, sweetie, darling, babe or some sh!t but I've never understood this whole "it implies an intimacy that doesn't exist" opposition to pet names. It's just a word and if it comes with overly familiar or disrespectful behaviour then yeah get your panties in a bunch but if it comes with a friendly smile then just get over yourself.

    1. I am the same way – "sweet pea" and "pumpkin" might fall out of my mouth too. I am notorious for calling a man "babe" or "love"

      If it's not disrespectful I really don't care unlike the dude at the gym who calls me "sugar britches" I mean he's older and I hated but I just smile and keep it moving.

    2. i call everyone these too. but a woman calling another woman sweetheart is liable to cause trouble. a man saying sweetheart is friendly so i didn't get that either. but baby? as in "hey come here baby let me talk to you" as i walk past will be ignored. other than that, i'm with you. lol

  40. Yea, women need to get overthemselves with that…

    But if I wan her for something (p*ssy, business or anything beneficial), I'll play by her rules… It is stupid not to do so…

    So, at the very least Streetz, you gave it some thought & made some adjustments…

    Good Post…

  41. @cheekz you can't get away with calling anybody dark butt! Not even somebody close to you. If you call her dark butt, you're either insinuating that you've seen her butt and it was dark or your referring to her overall skin tone. In my experience, a non dark person is not allowed to bring up a dark person's skin tone. Even with my husband I can't do that unless I say chocolate.

    1. **clarification**

      the dark butt part was a joke based off an idiot statement said by the rapper Young Berg. Who said he didn't said Dark Butt meaning girls with a dark complextion.

      Its a pop culture reference. I hate Young Berg. I would never used a term he invented without making fun of him for being a clown.

      That being said groupies still defended Young Berg after he said it, bc 'he is cute'.

      I am just saying Feminism shouldn't apply to just ugly niggas. If anything we should be the people who should be given a pass b/c we aint getting any.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314847">

        CHeeKZ: I am just saying Feminism shouldn’t apply to just ugly niggas. If anything we should be the people who should be given a pass b/c we aint getting any.

        That goes for any attractive group. Attractive people get away with sh*t.

  42. Please, my husband uses that term all of the time. "How are you sweetheart"? It's a term of endearment to women; it is just being friendly. Sorry Streetz but forget that girl. She should be glad you called her anything.

  43. I consider myself somewhat of a feminist and believe that her response is utterly redic Streetz. That girl needs to get her some lovin'. Way too uptight. #thatisall

  44. Man I am so tight right now.

    Streetz I hope this chick was cute, b/c if she wasn't you should have called her a c^nt and kept it moving. Feminism is not a excuse to be rude. The only mistake you made was calling her a sweetheart, when clearly she was a b!tch and didn't have a sweet bone in her body.

    You ASKED HER NAME! Is she stupid?! The point of the sentence was to learn her proper name! What a clown. Than her excuse makes it worse. "You wouldn't call your boss Kate or Jack?" Actually I do. And I call them pet names all the time, I actually only work for women. Not as a policy, just this bank hires alot of women. 1st none of them are that @nal. 2nd, YOU ARE NOT MY SUPERIOR and its arrogant and condescending to think you are in some position of power over the men who you randomly meet on the street. How in the world are you equating yourself to the person who pays my bills? I can't stand @nal people, if you get that tight about people messing up your name or being called out of your name you are focusing on the wrong things in life. Let it go. Its not that serious. People walking around upset all the time. Being called a nice person offends you? You need a therapist, seriously. B/c something happened in your childhood that is making you a flat out b!tch.

  45. You know what else? I think if you are a woman you feel diminished by someone using a term of endearment you have a bigger problem on your hands. You need to get firm on your self-image. Nothing a stranger calls you should have the power to make you feel small.

    1. Co sign this! I'm sorry. But I said the same thing a different way yesterday. Talking about European men and their compliments. Strangers should not touch your self-esteem positive or negative.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-314846">

      max: You know what else? I think if you are a woman you feel diminished by someone using a term of endearment you have a bigger problem on your hands. You need to get firm on your self-image. Nothing a stranger calls you should have the power to make you feel small.

      That's what I'm Sayin…… #geesh

      *But I still hate the word "Hey Sexy" tho..*

  46. I dont mind being called pet names I like them… Just dont call me 'ma' or 'mami'. Ooh I hate that! 'Ma' to me is as if I have a trail of kids behind me and they're too calling me 'ma', I dont need a grown man to call me that too. As far as 'mami' goes, I know its a Latin thing but Ive never liked it; besides I am not s*xing you for you to call me 'mami' in any way shape or form…

    Good post!

    1. Yeah I know yall must HATE that Mami ish! LOL! Ill say it to my latina friends as a joke, im always in tears.

      Like yo you too americanized, where the mamis a #DameBeso LOL

  47. Streetz, that woman was corny as hell for that. Damn, people need to pick conflicts wisely in this here love battlefield….no one cares about ALL that.
    I just don't see the problem with most terms of endearment. I do it to men so do you and be yourself. Shucks, she might need to take a walk around my hood and get her immunity up. The eye stalking is way worse than an occasional "sweetheart" etc.
    You just flip that terminology back on a dude if its overboard. Laugh about it and move on with the convo. Geez, maybe I'm just different

  48. Maybe it's just me, but I don't take offense to being called Sweetheart, Hun, etc. because it has become such common practice nowadays and I think men just do it on GP and not because they on some demeaning/tryin to put/keep women in their place although when I get called the word "Sexy" it will have me throwing eye daggers at your forward and hissing — I hate being called THAT WORD.

    6/7/2011RealLIfeExample: Me and Stranger coming from opposite directions walking towards the same establishment; stranger rushes to the door and holds it open for me

    My Response: (smile) Thanks.

    His response: Your Welcome Sweetheart.

    I don't see any reason to get my vickies all in a bunch over this, I just keep it movin.

    I do agree certain words should be reserved for certain people in your circle of life that you are either cool or very close with. My friend calls me "Hun" from time to time and my other friend uses the word "Babe" or "Baby" *shrug*

  49. Ok Cheekz, that's something I really didn't know. I don't believe I've ever even heard a young berg song. Now I'm about to go do a search. I hate when an allusion goes over my head like that.

    I happen to love pet names. Call me sweetheart all day please, StreetZ. I'd get so hot and bothered, I'd need fresh undies at 1:00, 4:00 and 7:00.

    However, there is something about baby that seems reserved only for the SO.

    1. I actually feel bad about myself that I am encouraging you to listen to Young Berg. I feel like I need to take a bath in Holy Water…

      Only thing you need to know about Young Berg… he gets robbed alot.

      #tricktrick

  50. My peoples are from the South, so pet names are a given. Generally I don't mind them at all and I'm just happy when my mom chooses a pet name over calling me another person's name or having to give it 3 tries before she gets to "Oh you know who you are, come here!" I'm your only daughter, wtf mom?

    Sometimes people use "sweetheart" and "sweetie" as a substitute for bytch. But you can tell that. Same thing with customer service reps and ma'am. Sometimes men use terms of endearment to give you the impression that you're closer than you really are. But to me that's like someone putting a banana peel on the floor, it's a ploy you can see coming from a mile away.

    Some of y'all refer to me as TT, which is great because those are my IRL initials (at least, they were). But in person there's always some joker who wants to get lax on the "ee" sound and ends up calling me "tih-tee". SMH we're 30+ why do you still think that's funny. Ok, sometimes it is.

    And as long as it's not "Ay Guhl! Ay Guhl, come'ere! I know you hear me Big Booty!" That bamma needs to die a slow death.

    Streetz, I think you took the time to ponder this issue because that girl had a pretty face, a fat booty or both. And she may have given you the side eye and pretended to be offended so she could more facetime. Quit playin', Dimples!

    1. LOL @ tih-tee!! Im cryin!!

      As for why i pondered it, nah it didnt matter how she looked. Im always mindful of how I speak especially in work settings, but I lax up when Im in social settings. I rarely have women correct me in that manner for what i call them because I pride myself on being respectful. My mentors, older frat, and older homies always caution me on perception and seeing all things, so I tried to do that here.

      Plus I had a blog to write…lol

  51. I always looked at pet names as a form of disrepsect. Especially once you know their name. Someone's name is not baby, sweetie, or 'hun.' So why do you feel like you can use those terms to describe them? If they told you they wanted you to refer to them as something else then fine. But if they didnt learn their name. And if you cant maybe you dont think their name is important enough to remember. That is the way I was raised. Remembering someone's name signifies a form of respect to me. If you cant remember then ask them, again. And I was taught if a person is older than you then ma'am and sir will do. Thats just my opinion.

    And usually when women start calling everyone 'pet names' there is something about that womans personality that I most likely do not like. Because every woman(and man) Ive met who called everyone pet names just about had that type of personality I cant stand. A turn off.

    1. LOL I definitely respect your position [||]

      In my convo, I was trying to get her name but led in with sweetheart. I agree that knowing a persons name is important.

      Lemme share soemthing funny: There are people who know me by my real name, and people who only know me as Streetz. A dude I known a few years (we cool through other people) was introducing me to his friends the other day. Heres the convo

      Him: Hey yall this is Streetz

      Them: Streetz?

      Him: Yeah Streetz! Cool dude!

      Them: Well, whats his real name

      Him 0_0 I dont know..

      Them: You dont know?!

      Him: yeah I never called him anything other than Streetz. Yo Streetz, whats your real name fam?!!

      Me; *facepalm*

      LOL Im used to that now. People I know for years consider my "friends" call me by my real name, or by the plethora of nicknames I have from home. I have so many nicknames I forget my real one at time. I can just tell at what point in my life I met you by how you address me.

      I never take offense though, but I can see how other can

      1. I understand what you're saying and I have no problem with it. But see you introduced yourself to him as Streetz and he remembered. Like there are some people who call me a different name than my government name because I introduced myself that way, and thats cool with me.

        People who have known me longer tend to address me differently. And that's a OK with me. I dont mind it at all.

        I was just speaking about people who call people 'pet names' over and over again after they learned their name. If you just meet someone I understand words like sweetheart but after the introduction, names should be learned. And then you can work on nicknames later. That is just the way I see it. If you cant remember dont substitute pet names. But that is just me.

        1. Actually I introduced myself to him as my real name, but the dude hes cool with (our friend in common) always calls me streetz but he knows my real name. Guess it slipped his mind,lol

    2. "And usually when women start calling everyone ‘pet names’ there is something about that womans personality that I most likely do not like. Because every woman(and man) Ive met who called everyone pet names just about had that type of personality I cant stand. A turn off."

      And what type of personality might that be??

  52. I'll tell you a secret about that girl though. She's single because of dumb ish like that. Women who do things like "don't call me sweetheart" most men are turned off completely. She could have handled that situation totally different. Best thing to do in that situation would be to consider what your intentions were before coming out of pocket.

    You can actually pick up women with a lot worse than sweetheart. I seen a dude call a chick a "b*tch" and still get the number.

  53. Kudos to you for being openminded! Pet names don't bother me…when used in the right context. Now if it's some pervy guy, that's a completely different issue. Or someone using it interchangeably with the word b*tch…(you can usually tell when this happens)

    I call a series of people random pet names….I'm country I can't help it. Honey, sugar, suga plum, muffin, all kinds or random stuff. Anyway…my dad calls me sweetheart. My S/O usually calls me are "Ma" or "Bae"….he started calling me different names when we started dating,he calls his mother Dearheart on occasion.

    I think sometimes people take it all out of context, as with most things these days. Any small thing is a reason get all up in arms. It's okay if you don't like it, don't believe it or what have you. BUT, some women, need to realize that not every man that calls you sweetheart is trying to get in your draws or demean women, Boo.

  54. <blockquote cite="comment-314843">

    CHeeKZ:

    Man I am so tight right now.

    Streetz I hope this chick was cute, b/c if she wasn’t you should have called her a c^nt and kept it moving.Feminism is not a excuse to be rude. The only mistake you made was calling her a sweetheart, when clearly she was a b!tch and didn’t have a sweet bone in her body.

    LOL Cheekz u aite bro?!

    Let me clarify some things

    1) She DEFINITELY didn't come off rude. I felt more like I called a coworker or Boss that and she had to respectfully correct me.

    2) She was attractive yes. looked like one of those Different World w/ locks that loves men named Shazaa type women. Very Chic.

    3) I definitely heard this blaring in my mind when i saw her initial reaction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMj0zGOTDIQ#t=0m4s

    4) I honestly didnt take too much by it. She def blew mine with the whole sociology speech when i was trying to hit some events, but I like to converse and debate so I wanted to hear what she had to say. LOL

    1. sorry man. Its Hard-On-Hoes Season and I got a quick trigger my dude.

      First Saturdays on July 2?

      Let me know, we can do a SBM lock down.

  55. @Mix: I've had it done when it didn't bother me, even made me smile but there's one time when I absolutely did an internal cringe. It was nowhere equal to what you did. I cringed internally bc it was at work and he was a customer, I was tryng to get him too buy something and I just started working there. Right now even thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies. *shudder*

  56. GREAT POST SPECIAL!!!

    I like nicknames. Call me all the CUTE/BEAUTIFUL nicknames ya got. Whether he is fine/ugly rich/po' black/white/asian don't matter.

    Shorty/Ma however, will get you completely ignored. I won't even acknowledge your existance as a human being with those two. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

    Sweetheart/sweetie/babes/babe/hun/sexy/gorgeous/pretty/nice lips/sexy toes….whatever ya got!

    You will probably get a cute smirk/smile out of me and if your fine and got game I just may give you 2 min to lay down your hottest lines, LOL!!!!

    I realize men are in a vulnerable enough situation as it is. Why make it harder on the brother. He had to muster up the courage just to speak in the first place.

    Besides, I've learned that a respectful 'no thank you' with a smile, is much better than a disrespectful 'no' any day. (Not including the shorty/ma type dudes). And besides I know I can brighten up the day of the ugly brother. Ain't nothing wrong with building his confidence up a lil bit. And with the fine brother what sista couldnt use a nice meal on the house, LOL!!! j/k (a lil).

    Smooches,

    L to the J

    1. LJ obviously gets it…

      Before I forget

      PostScript: BTW, I read a eBook this weekend called “Free As$ Laundry”, by one of your writers… (I forgot who it was, but whatever…)

      Let’s just say my MTA train ride home was more fun that usual…

      Someone please enjoy it as much as I did… Or I will keep promoting it…

      Free Ass Laundry: http://www.mediafire.com/?4mpulj4rcbn1h31

  57. I think I understand where she was coming from. But given the exchange and the context, it seemed a little…over the top. This was probably someone she would never see again. People say you should pick your battles. This would have been one of those times. Honestly, after hearing that, I might have written her off as someone that takes themselves way too seriously.

  58. This is horrible……COMPLETELY HORRIBLE. If you ladies want to get mad at men for calling you something other than your name that YOU KNOW isn't in any way form or fashion disrespectful to you, then you "women" are WAAAAAAAY too f**ked up in your brains! WOULD YOU "WOMEN" LIKE IT IF ON OUR APPROACH YOU TURN US DOWN AND WE CALL YOU A B!TCH AFTERWARDS? BETTER YET, YOU DISS US SO HARSHLY WE PULL OUT A GUN AND SHOOT YOU??? woman up, ladies…..

  59. I use pet names, I don't mind being called pet names. I'm southern and its the norm. I understand everyone doesn't agree so I try to be mindful and not be too 'familiar' with some folks. I have seen things get UGLY at restaurants when "sweetie" is used, especially if the waitress is of the other persuasion, have mercy…

    I'd rather be called sweetheart than a "female". #thatisall

  60. I'm on the same page as you Lady Jei. What I especially like is when a guy takes it up a level and calls you something that relates to your look like "curly" or "purple shoes." A guy called my friend "four eyes" in the club one time and she was all cheese and giggles. I guess the attention to detail and creativity makes it hot.

    1. I am called Dimples by strangers almost every single day of my life–mostly men but still. it really isn't a big deal to me. Thing is once you know me, and more specifically know my name I'd prefer to be called that. Especially if our paths are going to cross again.

  61. First, nice post! I use "sweetie", "babe", "dear", "pumpkin", "shmootie" (that ones for random kids, lol), etc with everyone I care about…never straight out the gate.

    Second, I have no issues with pet names from strangers during regular casual conversations. I just take it as "that's how they talk…its not personal". However, I'm admittedly prejudice when it comes to pet names from men I don't know because of a bigger problem…I detest being "hollered at" by men that I'm not attracted to. Anything the poor fella does will annoy me, lol. Pet name. Eye-balling me. Breathing, lol. All of it. If dude is just being friendly…random "pass the time" convo, cool…the pet name won't bother me. But, if he's clearly trying to holla, I'm bothered. I guess I should be flattered but unwanted attention just annoys me. I should try to figure out why.

    Now, if I'm attracted to the guy who's trying to holla, the pet names are appealing and I'm feeding it ("Excuse me, Sweetheart, can I talk to you for a moment?" "Yes, Handsome, how can I help you?")…unless his body language communicates that he's just short of licking his chops while looking at me, lol. Then, I'm turned off…cause I'm no jump-off…and his body language is telling me that's what he's hoping I am.

    1. LOL… so dudes can't even breathe around you?? Does his beating heart irk you too?

      That's some foul ish….LMAO

      1. LOL

        His beating heart will only irk me if A) his shirt is so small/tight that I can see his heart beating or B) he's standing so close that I can hear his heart beating…I have personal space requirements, lol.

        I think I get so annoyed because more often than not, I see this dude preparing to approach me and I've literally done everything I could do short of shooing yo away to prevent the awkward moment. Yes, fellas, the ladies are checking out the men on deck too. We're more discreet with it but we see you. So, I saw the triple take. I saw you looking me over. I noticed you trying to catch my eye. Now, why didn't you notice that I have avoided your eyes, pulled out my phone to "make a call", and my brisk walk has practically turned into a sprint! LOL!

        So, yeah, you breathing in my personal space is now annoying my life cause I worked hard to keep you out of it! LOL…

        I'm exaggerating but you catch my drift…

  62. <blockquote cite="comment-314890">

    GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516: Did he explain why? I used “Mister” in certain instances without any backlash.

    Said it made him feel old. He was probably only a year or two older than me so I don't see it. It was always a "Hey, mister" type of thing. Just was odd bc he liked being called daddy. Shouldn't that make him feel older?

  63. i'm not the type of person who uses pet names. i don't even do nicknames. for instance if a woman tells me her name is angie, i ask her if that's short for angela. if it is then i'm calling her what her momma named her whether she likes it or not. also, i have a habit of calling people by their last names, especially if their last name rolls of the tongue easily.

    i can see how a woman might be upset at getting called a pet name especially if you don't know her. i wouldn't want someone calling me anything other than my name.

    1. You know I do the same thing too, even in relationships. If everyone refers to my boyfriend as AJ or Drew I always call him by Andrew lol. I love calling people by their governments.

      I do like being called by my last name, but the men who call me that are eitherplatonic friends or supervisors

    2. I've had people try to do what you do and call me by my full name because they say that's what my parents named me. Doesn't work with me. If I tell you to call me something reasonable (subjective of course. i know a dude that just goes by "Black") or a shortened version of my name because that's what everybody else calls me, you should just call me that. Don't try to be different and buck the trend. Otherwise, I'ma just be rude. Works every time.

      1. Co-sign! I go by my the shortened version of my middle name and when women learn my actual first name they always talk 'bout, "I'm gonna call you _________ so I'll be different from everyone else". Please, miss me with all of that. There's a reason why people call me my preferred name and not my first.

  64. I understand what you're getting at Chrissy but I'm guilty of learning people's names and then using a pet name. I was a portrait photographer for a while and I used to pride myself on learning all the kids names that came through there but after too long it came down to calling kids sweetie and little dude or honey or what have you because it was to much to remember. Pretty soon that began to bleed over into my adult conversations. My husband thinks I sound old when I call people hun. If you become a permanent fixture in my life I would be sure to hearn your name and its correct pronunciation and spelling.

  65. Some women people today are too damn sensitive. If we are in an informal setting, like a house party, you will be called lady, ma'am, sweetheart, sweetie, hun, darling etc. These are terms of endearment and meant to show an appreciation for you. Even more so that those who are American roots, these terms are colloquial. It's not like he called her b*tch, c#nt, h0e, jizz bucket, pickanniny, thickness or Becky.

    I wouldn't sit there and explain myself to someone who is taking things out of context, Whatever issues she has, she can keep and I would walk over to the next girl (female,woman,lady,folk) and be about my business.

    It is not that serious…

  66. LOL at the emotion evoked today!

    I'm mildly annoyed at most. This isn't a huge deal.

    Props on the fresh, obviously discussion-worthy topic Streetz.

    1. yea, Its never that serious to be so emotional, I just ignore when Im referenced to in a way I don't like

      1. Or politely correct them, I'm certainly not going to snap or drop a dude <del>that looks like Streetz</del> cuz he called me sweetheart! He's just gonna have to be ready to deal with the consequences of that face+that lovey term+the rage in my loins, lol

  67. What makes it worse mix is that we were in that room by ourselves, he's married with twin infant sons AND I was several months pregnant. Just wrong on so many levels.

  68. This makes me think of that "excuse me miss" by luther. How can you get offended with the word miss after that song?

  69. <blockquote cite="comment-314916">

    GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516: And this is exactly why chivalry is dying a fast death because women who aren’t accustomed to it react negatively, so instead of just chalkin their ignorance up to lack of social upbringing and just smile and say “Thank You” they lash out and catch attitudes.

    How do you go your entire life without a guy holding the door open for you? I mean really? It makes me wonder how she normally carries herself so that nobody ever extends such a simple and common courtesy.

  70. Its not that serious, there is nothing wrong with calling a woman sweetheart, especially if you do not know her name. Howerver, if she doesnt like it and she expresses it, of course a man should respect that.

    I had this discussion with my friends a few weeks ago. Were all in our late 20s and are noticing how we are referred to as "ma'am" when approached by strangers. I find it a sign of respect, my friends say they dont like it…it makes them feel old.

    Anyway, I understand the whole term of endearment thing—I have this habit of calling everyone "dear", lol.

  71. <blockquote cite="comment-314924">

    QueenBinthestreets: I’ve literally had a couple of men “ask” me to call them Mandingo…..LOL you know where they were going with that!

    Lmao that's a bit much! I can't call anybody that unless I have proof! I only call my booski that!

        1. Lol you won't believe how many guys have actually called themselves that to my face with no proof though. (Not that I would want them to just whip it out)

          But Ive had men say "Hey dont put me in your phone as Paul, put me in as Mandingo"

  72. I have no problem with pet names. I use 'em and like them to be used on me. I think they're cute. And anyone who does hate them should NEVER go down south. Pause.

  73. <blockquote cite="comment-314939">

    Adonis:
    *Ignores degoratory remark*

    Thanks babe

    Just joking with you papa 😉 but so far I am enjoying it.

  74. How did urs stay hidden all these years?? Props!!

    Do you not have siblings? My sis never calls me by my proper name in public and neither do I.

    And since we have mutual friends, that's how it came out! The funniest part is that they pronounce it with an American accent, accentuating the "weirdness" of it all.

    Aah…gotta love it!

    Funny thing is, I can never call my mom "mom" and dad "dad." It's always "manmie" and "papie" no matter how old I am. It'd almost seem disrespectful. Insanity! I guess it's the same in Latino households.

    <blockquote cite="comment-314857">

    Streetz: Semi correct dear… Its usually a play on names or the Creole remix of your name(creole is the native tongue of Haiti). All Haitians know we have one, and if you go to a Haitians persons house, especially as a kid, the parents/grandparents will use it in front of whoever.

    The roasts were legendary. LOL

    Mine has stayed hidden for 3 decades ahajhaha

  75. I haven't gone through any comments posted after 10:30 or so, but alla that reading and any potential responses will have to wait until I have something bigger than my phone screen to work with.

    @ Most & Malik: Nicknames are cute. The reason I actually came back to this post so soon was that I had a customer nickname me smiley (over the phone, mind you) within minutes of starting work, and I found it amusing, especially in light of your comments. As long as it's not anything disrespectful or overly objectifying, I have no qualms with them. They usually come from people with whom I've had pleasant exchanges, so once again it's a matter of people's experiences colouring their perceptions.

    @ Cheekz: I have at least 3 guys I can conjure up in my head right now who are not fans of pet names, or at least not from strangers. This, especially if they have no interest in pursuing anything.

    General comment: That I/people don't care for certain things doesn't automatically mean that the reaction will be overtly aversive. Truth be told, if I were miss lady in the story, I probably would've smiled and shared my name, and the earth would've continued spinning without missing a beat. Crap, gotta go. To be continued.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314954">

      NaijaSweetz: @ Cheekz: I have at least 3 guys I can conjure up in my head right now who are not fans of pet names, or at least not from strangers. This, especially if they have no interest in pursuing anything.

      My bf is like that…can't stand being called "baby". But, he won't slit your throat over it, lol. He only uses nicknames if your name is long (which mine is not…at all). And, he hates using general pet names. So, he'll call me "sugar foot", "buttercups", and other weird names I won't disclose, LOL!

  76. aight so she had an issue w/ "sweetheart", that's fine… but she should have kept it to herself.

    i know some ppl that get all bent up about the n-word, but i personally think you shouldn't wild on someone about something until you see a pattern.

    if you had called her sweetheart a couple times that night even after knowing her name and she ain't like it then she can hop on her feminist soapbox all night. but the first offense? #cmonma …and yeah i know a gang women don't like "ma" either lol

  77. I can relate.

    When I first arrived in Florida, I was slightly annoyed that people called me honey or sweetheart. However, I talked to my co-worker and she provided a few explanations. I have been living in Canada for almost 2 years, I don’t like those names either.

    We, French people, think it is hypocritical to call someone sweety or sunshine when you don’t mean it. You just don’t call people a pet name if you don’t know them. It’s disrespectful, however, old people usually get a pass.

    Now, I simply don’t think about it, since I know it does not mean anything for the person, or does not sound degrading or insulting. Even if it does, I don’t care. However, I may demand respect , depends on the situation or the person, what the person looks like doesn’t matter. I simply refuse to let the Pandora Box open.

    As much as you think that the lady was exaggerating, you still have to consider her perception. You cannot dismiss a person’s feelings even if you don’t get it, but you can be understanding.

    Our cultures are influenced by different factors such as language, traditions, behaviors, education etc… since there are different cultures, the factors are indeed different.

    I think there are more important battles that deserve my attention.

  78. @mix that's chivalrous and I appreciate it unlike your lady friend. She's a mess. The dude told me he would buy me anything I wanted. I said all I need you to do is buy $200 worth of these pictures so I can make my quota. Suddenly he was broke.

  79. Good topic. I'm not a fan of pet names, at all. Never have been. Nicknames, yes, pet names.. not really. Especially if I don't know you. How can it be a term of "endearment" when we don't even know each other?

  80. Sugas… (see how I called yall that and dnt even know any of you? Hope noone was offended)lol all I cld say in a situation like that is "my thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways" I understand ppl have different outlooks and I will respect that but I think it's overkill that some get downright offended and/or rude about it. Fine if you feel that way but dnt act like I knew that and just disrespected you on purpose. Anyway, maybe it's the South in me, my island heritage…. or a mixture of the two, but I can be baby, sweetie, suga, sweetheart, honey, love, boo etc all day. I'll be calling you the same most likely. I will respond to boo before I evvvvver respond to b*tch.

  81. Really? Should we explore what said female has against being called a TERM OF ENDEARMENT? Is there something deep and psychologically twisted there? Does it take her back to a time when she was in a better plce? lol jk

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